TomKat Wedding to be Done Scientology Style, Wacked Out to the Max!

“I now pronounce you Man and Girl.”

If you thought the Scientologists’ way of giving birth was crazy, you won’t believe what they do at the wedding. MSNBC Scoop has reported that TomKat’s wedding is going to be done in traditional Scientology fashion, where the groom is going to be addressed as the “Man” and the bride will be addressed as the “girl”. The name of the “girl” will not even be spoken, she will only be referred to as “girl” or “you” by the minister, but Tom’s full name will be declared to all who are present.

If the wedding will be a Scientology ceremony — as has been reported — any feminists in attendance might be a tad miffed. The vows for Scientology’s wedding ceremony refer to the groom only as a “man” while the bride is sometimes called a “girl,” notes the Web site, Secrets of Scientology. And some of the notions of marriage seem a bit retro.

Quoting from the book “The Background Ministry, Ceremonies & Sermons of the Scientology Religion,” the site reports that the minister asks the bride:

“And do you take
His fortune
At its prime and ebb
And seek
With him best fortune
For us all?
Do you?”

The minister then tells the groom:
“Now, (groom’s name),
girls need clothes
And food and
Tender happiness and frills
A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat
All caprice if you will
But still
They need them.
Do you then
Do you?”

Do you, well, do you, do you?

I think Katie should take that pan she’s getting from His Fortune and whack him over the head with it. This shit is beyond misogynistic, it’s mind-control.

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52 Responses to “TomKat Wedding to be Done Scientology Style, Wacked Out to the Max!”

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  1. Celebitchy says:

    L Ron Hubbard made that shit up when he was coked out. He was a failed lousy sci fi writer and decided to start a cult in order to make money. That’s the most ridiculous wedding vow I’ve ever heard. Thanks Chic Mommy!

  2. Angelika says:

    Lol this is ridiculous.. A girl needs clothes? And maybe a cat? Are you serious?

  3. Wren says:

    That sounds like a Dr. Suess wedding. Would you, could you, in a house? Would you, could you, with a mouse(-sized Tom Cruise?)

  4. AC says:

    Are you sure that was L Ron Hubbard and not Dr. Suess who wrote those vows???

  5. AC says:

    BLAST you WREN! You and I post at the same time but you snuck in ahead of me. lol Right on.

  6. Wren says:

    Hey, AC, great minds think alike!
    And so do we…

  7. AC says:

    LOL i just got the Mouse sized tom cruise. Very cute.

  8. Pecarrie says:

    Well, I must have missed it when God or whatever higher power came down and handed us the rules on how the bride and groom ought to be addressed—- since when was OUR common way the only and correct way? Our way is probably whacked out to people of other cultures, and so on…
    I am not a scientologist but I dont see the fairness in suggesting that something that is different from our own ways, is ‘whacked out’ or wrong…

  9. Angelika says:

    I’m not saying “our” vows sound any better – well, they do, but they might still sound a bit old-fashioned and way too serious and religious, in my opinion.

    But come, on THESE vows.. You can’t be serious about defending them! I now pronounce you “man and girl”? Don’t you think that’s weird?

  10. Action says:

    There’s a big difference between respecting how other cultures see the wedding right and not respecting a cult’s wacked out beliefs. That’s like comparing apples and oranges.

  11. Vern says:

    Considering when L Ron Nutjob invented this stuff, they must have edited out the part about a girl needing a permanent and silk stockings in order to make it more modern.

  12. AC says:

    Yeah and the fact that they are completely cheuvanistic. Saying women need these trivial things and you need to supply them because after all thats what women need. Its hard to respect that. I still am very skeptical that these are even real. They can’t be. I refuse to believe it.

  13. Sorceress says:

    I think “girl” is going to need a drink before too long after taking these vows, I know I need one.

  14. Viv says:

    What is she going to need a pan for, of all the things, holy hell… this is such a mockery of a union.

    Great, now we’re all on the Scientologist Shit List. Arm yourselves, girls.

  15. Meet says:

    Hahah u guys are hilarious. Those are some f’ed up vows by the way.

  16. lelo says:

    It’s all about the $$$$$$$$$$$$, so who cares. These 2 are so fake and boring.
    why haven’t you commented on Ryan and Reese. Tom and Katie are boring robots.

  17. lelo says:

    She was so cute in “Wonder Boys”, now she looks like 28 going on 48.

  18. lelo says:

    like vows mean anything today, 60% divorce rate. One should have values and morals and live by them!

  19. lelo says:

    Action, Are you some relgious fanatic? Do you believe in the constituion of seperation of church and state?

  20. Action says:

    Lelo, when you learn to spell, use appropriate grammar, appropriate punctuation and not post FOUR posts in a row, we’ll talk. (Have you ever heard of putting all your thoughts in one post? If you seperate them by paragraphs it works just fine.)

    Until then, you’re a waste of my time.

  21. Celebitchy says:

    Action, you’re not supposed to feed the trolls, but I like how you handled it.

    Lelo’s ISP is from Oregon, so she must be having Internet chats with her masters classes on celebrity pop culture at NYU.

  22. Action says:

    Thanks Dear, I promise to not feed the trolls again–well, at least THIS troll. 🙂

    I would be the pot calling the kettle black if I didn’t notice and correct my own spelling error: seperate=separate.

    Apologies to all!

    *who vows to use spell check next time*
    *who didn’t know there was a NYU in Oregon. 😉 Hehe.*

  23. DogRunner says:

    Always thought that the wedding day is the brides day?

    Well, I guess we see who wears the dress in this family!

  24. ER says:

    It’s one thing to be outspoken and proud of your faith/religion, but Tom really seems to shove his down viewer’s throats. There are numerous other high profile celebs who are Scientologists and they’re not even a fraction as whacked out as Tom. It would seem he’s probably always been a nut job, it’s just manifesting itself now through his chosen religion.

  25. MizLiz says:

    I’m not surprised at anything these idiot $cientologists come up with. The people I really feel sorry for are Katie’s parents. This isn’t a real wedding; it’s a spectacle—and a farce.

  26. Viv says:


    I’m sure there’s a ski team in Oregon and that’s where she’s practicing getting ready for the Olympics or some shit like that.

  27. Did you know says:

    Did you know that Tom Cruise was next in line to take over Scientology after David Miscavige bows out at one time? There hasn’t been much talk of that recently in the “inner circles” because of his less than credible status to the public these days. – Tom Cruise saluting the leader of the church.

    Oh, if you are unaware how loony the president of Scientology is take a view
    at this site. It has a voice clip from the guy talking about a “vast psychiatric conspiracy”, lol!

    In short, Scientologists are fucking nuts.

  28. Did you know says:

    hmm. my links disappeared

  29. I’m disturbed by the misogynist vows that were set up…and that Scientologists buy into a so-called religion that was created by a man who a) wanted to make money and b) was spurned by the psychiatry community when they didn’t accept his Dianetics (which is why psychiatry is the devil). I don’t want to believe that the vows are true…but it sounds like something someone (L. Ron) would make up while sitting in a room drinking just to be funny.

    I feel sorry for Katie, but not so much anymore because she’s willing to stay in this mess. Now that they’ve brought a child into this, it just makes it all the worse. How is it that other women in Scientology [Kirstie Alley and John Travolta’s wife] aren’t nearly as brain-dead as she? Sure, Kirstie has been a drug-addict and shills for Jenny Craig, but she’s no Stepford Wife automaton.

  30. Angelika says:

    That’s the thing – I don’t think that Katie is truly WILLING to stay in there! She obviously has no other way – or at least she doesn’t SEE an other way!

  31. Viv says:

    I had no clue Kirstie Alley was a Scientologist too! When did this happen?

  32. Toubrouk says:

    Okay, this is weird. Let’s remember that the “Church” of Scientology is a cult; this type of baloney is common in that dark space of humanity.

  33. Alexi says:

    All, Katie is in it for herself for sure: she is now getting tons of publicity, is a professional shopper with Victoria Beckham and is shuffled around in limos, gulf streams and is for better or worse (now how about those words for a wedding vow!) on the A list…prior she was on the B list. I am sure all her new friends would not have even spoken to her prior the Tom Kat bonanza. And he’s not straight is he? So it’s even more of a career move from what I hear from LA LA LAND

  34. Sol says:

    Seriously,i just can’t stop laughing!
    Im glad that Michelle Williams took her life seriously and has a great family and career.Would be nice Katie err..sorry Kate did the same.

  35. luvzmutt says:

    A list?

  36. Sol says:

    And what’s going on with all that black clothes?

  37. Ahhh it’s amazing what love can do to a person.

  38. Poor Boopie says:

    Maybe the Scientologists will serve a little “Jim Jones Kool-Aid” for communion right after the Dr. Seuss wedding vows and put TomKat out of our misery. (We can only hope.)

  39. Bobby Kelly says:

    His hair is so god-aweful – Actually his whole head is hard to look at its so ugly.

  40. Samantha says:

    As a Scientologist I’d like to point out that the vows simply reflect the dominant culture. It’s unfortunate that they’re so paternalistic, but what do you expect in the U.S. Women have come a long way, but not far enough. That said, Scientology doesn’t “oppress” women nearly as much as a lot of other belief systems. The site gives a balanced, detailed take on Scientology weddings and TomKat.

  41. MysticDreamer says:

    Religion of any kind is meant to be a drug, to control the people, keep them in place. What? You think the Vatican is NOT about MONEY? You think the story about Jesus’s immaculate conception is more believable than a sci-fi story of thetans etc? It’s ALL whacked out. It’s all a mind-f*ck. Get real, people!
    PS: Michele Williams has her life under control? Rumor has it that Heath Ledger really does like men and seeks out male prostitutes on a regular basis in Hollywood. And they say he likes to go bareback. Ummm, so MAYBE he is bi. But where does that leave poor Michele? At great personal risk. Get a grip: Hollywood is a land of make-believe. None of it is real. All of it is transient. Same with Religion. Doesn’t matter which belief system you have.

  42. SourthernGirl says:

    I fill for Katie, What is the mess?
    Can’t believe all that money did not buy some common sense.

  43. Feonia says:

    I personally think most of you are jealous. I know the Holmes family and half of what is said in the tabloids are not true. They just want to be a family. Isn’t that what you all want to be a family and left alone. You people want to know all about their lives and so the press hound them. FOR YOU! As for Scientology, it is a way of life not a religion. I study Kabbalah which is somewhat like Scientology. It is how you live your life and be the best you can be. Maybe some of you should try it.

  44. Carolina Girl says:

    First, the “man” & “girl” in the vows sounds rather perverted. I see scientology as a cult and have found Tom Cruise always a little whacko! Now, especially for mystic dreamer and anyone else, please give christianity a chance. Read the bible and find a good bible based church. You would be surprised a difference it can make in your life. Remember, Jesus Loves You so much so that he died for you. When he was on the cross you were on his mind. I’ll be praying for you…

  45. Dori says:

    I believe that is not a proper vowed, is a degrading and a unrespectfull way of treating your future wife. I believe TOm Cruise saw On Katie the perfect sweet inocent, humble girl since he probably couldn’t do it we Nicole Kidman or she got tired of it! Why Katie can talk on her own anymore? Is controlling!

    The Bible teaches that a wife respects her husband but not that her hubby controls everything!!!!

    I agree that this person created this religion to satisfy his pocket as well as his ego!!!! And I believe that a lot of the ones that are in this religion are doing it for the same purpose!

  46. Elizabeth Hunter says:

    A beautiful wedding for a deserving couple! Katie is a lovely and sincere lady, and Tom is a brutally honest and very giving person. In a time where showing enthusiastic love and sincereness is ridiculed as old-fashioned, Tom and Katie are bringing it back as “the way to be”. Their fairy tale wedding in Bracciano, Italy is simply the capping-off of a dream-come-true. I wish them many wonderful years together, and for their children. It’s unfortunate that a few people who have not done as much for others, or strived as hard as they, or accomplished what they have accomplished, seem to need to demean their joys and show of love for each other. Why not rejoice for them as they would most likely rejoice for you? Though under-reported by an sometimes vicious media looking only for sensational fodder, Cruise happens to be a philanthropist and donator to world-wide and important causes. Seeing Holmes, I would say that she has the “heart” to follow with Tom in these endeavors. Good luck and good journey’ing to you both, Katie and Tom.

  47. Virginia Graz says:

    How sad is all of this! Katie darlin’ you have no idea what is ahead of you as you keep “studying” your Scientoxology while trying ot raise Suri THEIR way which is absurd at best. Try this one on..if and when baby is leaning to walk..and falls down, you are not permitted to comfort her. You must instead, return her to the point of impact, hold her head or arm etc., to the spot on the wall or the floor awhile, and the pain is supposed to leave the head..or arm..or injured part, going back into the floor or the wall. This is so far as I have read about this child rearing thing of theirs. If I am wrong here I appologize profusely. Katie, in my opinion, you ought to have retreated while you could have done. From here out? NOT so good. And let us not discuss the $$$$ involved here either, that is a whole other episode-lesson in Scientoxology. Phooey!

  48. sarah says:

    That is messed up! Tom Cruise will use anything as a Scientology publicity stunt. I feel sorry for Katie. Unless she divorces the a-h and takes him to the cleaners, she will be one sorry, miserable woman. I think she’ll dump his mentally ill self like his previous wives did, and for the same reason: Scienwhacko.

  49. lol@god-ies says:

    Tom Cruise has always been a nutjob. Are we really surprised?

    I love how people against Scientology (a cult) use arguments from the Christian Religion (an even larger cult). Religion is a tool for controlling the untamed masses at best. A way to give the lower classes something to hope for and believe in. Jesus never did anything for you. Call me the next time he cures a disease or some other miraculous feat. If you have good fortune, its based on effort or sheer mathematical probability. If you don’t….probability strikes again.

    Scientology, Christian, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist..hell, Wiccan….who cares….all these control methods have their stupid rituals. At least the Catholics and Christians give us crackers and wine (or grape juice…yummy).

    And for all you who say…ZOMG..he is a lost soul…do us all a favor….keep your mind on your own affairs and what happens in your own house….and please….stop your stupid abortion protesting…is it your body?….NO?….then shut the hell up.

  50. Kora says:

    At least Jesus had the right idea – treat others well, reject violence, be true to your faiths (Judaism primarily, but it could be said for anyone). I’m not a Christian, but I do believe he was a good person whose ideas got dragged all out of context. The biggest problem with a system meant to control people, be it for their own good or not, is that it must needs be in the hands of those same people. It doesn’t matter what ideals you start out with; someone will find a way to pervert it for personal gain. Although it seems LRon didn’t have any sensible ideals to begin with…

  51. kiar says:

    A friend of mine that is guy told me that he is GAY too. I meant Tom is GUY.

  52. jd says:

    It really is tiredly predictable to bring up christianity/organized religion(but especially christianity of course) in a pathetic attempt to defend or compare with $cientology. Yes, a religion and a cult are two different things, and whether or not you disagree with the ways of a certain religion is immaterial, as it doesn’t change those FACTS.

    No amount of fanatical atheism(if you want to talk about “cults” and “mind-control”, where’s the improvement here?) inspired, anti-religious bigotry can make this sociopathic cult look better than it is. That’s all I have to comment on, albeit over a year too late(only because the “lol@god-ies” bigot seemed to get in his disgusting last word without a retort).