This has an F bomb toward the end, but you have to listen to it!

Back in 2005 when Paris Hilton was getting sued for defamation for leaking a false story about a woman attacking her at a club, she said, in a sworn deposition that “whatever I write in email, it doesn’t mean anything. It is just words I write.” Well now Paris is relaunching her music career with a song and video based on the same premise called “Drunk Text.” The video for the song, a pedestrian effort in which Paris baby talks over a club beat, has been leaked online. Her people tried to pull all the copies from YouTube, but it’s all over the place and even E! Online is running it.

I watched the video expecting it to be just dumb or mildly interesting, and it wasn’t – it was absolutely hysterical. It’s like the best Funny or Die parody you’ve ever seen. I was laughing uncontrollably the entire time. I’ve watched it three or four times now.

I can’t capture how awesomely funny this video is, so if you can please watch some of it (above), it’s so worth the giggles. Here’s a description from E! Online, and I’m grateful to them for decoding some of the things Paris mumbles. The lyrics really add to the hilarity of this ridiculously funny video.

Hmm…it’s almost as though someone doesn’t want the world to see it? Luckily, even if you missed it the first two times, photographic evidence lives on, and nestled among the lyrics were such hear-’em-to-believe-’em bon mots like, “If you take the word ‘sex’ and mix it with ‘texting,’ it’s called ‘sexting’/When you add drunk sexting, the words just don’t make sense.”

Having completed the bizarre mathematical portion of the song, she set her sights on grammar.

“It’s a hot mess of misspelled obscentities, body parts and run-on questions/I’m not sure what he means to ask.

“Behind my eyes, I was begging for things my lips would never ask/And my mouth kept pouring desperate clauses of random intent.” OK, then.

“No one is safe from the Twittersphere anymore.” Certainly not Paris, and not after this.

“It’s just another moment, one stupid reply can lead to the walk of shame,” she intones. “And I’ll be damned if I end up in some lame diner after this/last night’s lingerie in my purse/it was just a drunk text…this is the last time I’ll ever drink and text.”

[From E! Online]

“No one is safe in the Twittersphere anymore” LMAO!

Damn this made my morning. I’ll tell you, I didn’t hate “Stars Are Blind” and I actually found it tolerable and somewhat catchy. This song is enjoyable for a completely different reason.

Paris’ latest reality show may have been a flop, but she can still make money being herself. She just needs to realize that she can be the Charo of our generation, except with a limp noodle body, dead eyes and a flat affect. Once she embraces that and starts making fun of herself, she can cash in a little more. Barring that, she can stick to making cheap shoes, purses and hair extensions.

Video via Idolator. Story and screenshots via E! Online.