Vanity Fair’s “The Ladies of Television” issue features mostly young, pretty women

Vanity Fair

I heard rumors about this cover back in February, and now we’re finally seeing it – Vanity Fair’s cover story on “The Women of Television”. Featuring a cover with Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife), Sofia Vergara (Modern Family), Claire Danes (Homeland) and Michelle Dockery (Lady Mary Crawford on Downton Abbey). I’m happy to say that I watch all of the TV shows represented on this cover. Unfortunately, for the inside pictorial, the Vanity Fair editors seemed to only prioritize boobs, not quality talent. Here’s another photo, featuring Emily Deschanel (Bones), Grace Park (Hawaii 5-0), Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife), Emmy Rossum (Shameless), Emily Van Camp (Revenge), Kerry Washington (Scandal), and Kat Dennings (2 Broke Girls). I’m telling you… all young, all booby.

Vanity Fair

Not, of course it’s nice to see diversity in at least ONE photo from Vanity Fair – even though they only managed three white women and one Latina woman for the cover. But inside, there’s an Indian woman, an African-American woman and a Korean-American woman. So… that’s nice. But it’s still incredibly ageist (I think Margulies is the oldest woman featured), and slightly out of touch. One of the biggest hits of the year is The New Girl – so where’s Zooey Deschanel? Where are any of the ladies from Mad Men? Or Game of Thrones? Or Mireille Enos from The Killing? Edie Falco? Laura Dern? Laura Linney? Glenn Close from Damages? Or Jennifer Carpenter from Dexter? Or Kyra Sedgwick from The Closer, arguably one of the best female characters on television? I could go on and on about the ladies that were left out.

Still… I guess I should be happy that Vanity Fair is doing such a gyno-centric television issue, right? And I should be happy that there are so many good parts for women in television these days. But the cause is not helped by just shoving random, young, scantily-clad ladies into a room, you know?

Vanity Fair

Vanity Fair

Photos courtesy of Vanity Fair.

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95 Responses to “Vanity Fair’s “The Ladies of Television” issue features mostly young, pretty women”

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  1. Bite me says:

    What a gorgeous and talented group of women, makes my heart happy

  2. Eleonor says:

    Where’s Kyra Sedgwick?? Chief Johnson should be there tooo!!And Peggy from Madmen.

  3. Marjalane says:

    Vanity Fair takes great pride in being a vapid waste of paper.

    • Mel says:

      I agree. This cover is a massive eye roll…

    • Tiffany says:

      When there is so much TALENT there, why do they have to make them get nearly naked?

      As a woman, 2012 has really made me pissed off!!!!!

      We also have Two and a Half Men co-creator Lee Aronsohn complaining about the number of women in comedies on tv this year, “Enough, ladies. I get it. You have periods,” he said. “But we’re approaching peak vagina on television, the point of labia saturation.”

      Women are 51% of the viewing audience, yet are GREATLY under represented in TV and Film.

      • Oi says:

        I haven’t read any more than what you presented there, but i don’t think he was complaining about women in comedy, he was complaining about the subject matter of the comedy. Which I happen to agree with his point there. I think he’s tired of hearing about genitalia and bleeding and hormones and such. I am too. That’s not funny. I am a woman, I deal with these things, and its not funny. I don’t care about your bodily functions. And I hate hearing about PMS and the like, in real life and on television. Its juvenile. Like guys with dick and masturbation jokes. Women can be funny in a lot of ways, but a lot of the humor is focused and stupid things.

        Edit: Do you have a link to his original comments? i could totally be off base here.

      • Jordan says:

        @OI, the original article about Lee Aronsohn was in The Hollywood Reporter, yesterday but I don’t have a link. I don’t watch much TV but aren’t male comedies, like 2 and 1/2 Men the same? They make fart jokes, and women are either b1tches out to get them or hoes that are dying to please them. If that’s his argument (and it’s not) then it should apply to both men and women and include his own show. Seriously, are there show that have rampant period jokes?

      • Tiffany says:

        He was complaining about women in two ways: that women-centric humor isn’t funny and that there are too many female-centric shows on TV (which in itself is appalling in its ignorance…women are underrepresented, not over). The fact that he says “we’re approaching peak vagina on television, the point of labia saturation,” reinforces the idea that he is bashing female lead shows. That is one of the most anti-female statements I have EVER heard. Labia Saturation?????????

        It is especially rich coming from the creator of 2 1/2 Men, which has used Ashton’s d*ck size as a reoccurring joke this season alone.

        Here is a link to the original story:

    • Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

      You said it. Maybe it’ll shut down again.

  4. mln76 says:

    It’s still disappointing to see the same old discrimination where the people of color are kept off the Vanity Fair cover. Yes Vergara is Hispanic but she’s still has very European features it would have been nice if say Archie Panjabi or Kerry W or Grace Park could have fit in the left hand corner (not to kick anyone off cause they all look awesome).
    But seeing how all those dumbasses where mad that there were Black characters in The Hunger Games movie maybe it’s still the smart move for Vanity Fair.

    • kibbles says:

      In my opinion, they should have replaced Vergara with Panjabi who is an Emmy winner. It would have been justifiable to put her on the cover with Margulies even if they are from the same show.

      As for the women mentioned who were not featured: Mireille Enos, Edie Falco, Laura Dern, Laura Linney, Glenn Close, Kyra Sedgwick, etc., they probably were deemed not booby or beautiful enough to be included in this issue. I’m sure they would have loved to have Christina Hendricks but then they would have had to include January Jones and Elisabeth Moss. I guess Kat Dennings filled their big boobs quota anyway.

    • Ahot says:

      Not to sound overly sensitive about this color issue, but Kery is relegate to the very back corner of the whole picture, as if she is just watching the fun, not really part of it, even with this glass of whiskey in her hand. I had to look twice to even spot her. Minorities yes, but as invisible as possible. Smh

      • Bogz says:

        Agree.You’re not being oversensitive.

      • Carissa says:

        Why is everyone so quick to cry racism? Kerry’s had so much work done, it’s hard to imagine how they light this chick on sets, let alone take a great photo these days. She’s in the back because they needed to do something about the terribly chunky thighs and knees and wanted to minimize the space-alien planes of the face, which appear to be airbrushed heavily along with the legs and waistline. Not everyone looks like a supermodel! Have a little respect for the process behind making some of these women look a lot better than they look in real life!

    • ShayKay says:

      I personally find really stupid people to be offensive so perhaps VF should cater to those of us who prefer our actresses to be of at least average intelligence, to be kind & compassionate, and to be remarkably well adjusted. No? Well I didn’t think so but exactly who is VF pandering to with these images? It’s not your average woman who are far less visual than men and generally, I hope and pray, appreciate far more than ethnicity when it come to choosing magazines…or friends..or role models.

      • Ahot says:

        lol, i get your point, but it´s nice to see other ethnicities properly acknowledged since they are part of the bigger picture of “ladies on tv”, & yes people need to see actors who look like them (ethnicity) in order to relate to them. They are also part of the american society (if not the world), something mags love to overlook, & that is the issue we have here i think.

      • mln76 says:

        if it’s one cover in isolation sure but Vanity Fair has a PATTERN of either ignoring women of color or putting them in the middle panel off of the cover. Any person of intelligence or substance would be offended by that obvious discrimination.

    • T.C. says:

      I find their aversion to putting noticeable ethnic women on their covers very creepy and Jim Crowe-get to the back of the bus like. You will never see me buy their magazine or visit their website until they change that practice.

      • OlsenTriplet says:

        You only find it that way because people have told you to. How many magazines do you regularly scrutinize for meeting an acceptable quota of minorities?

        If Vanity Fair is doing this on purpose, I can’t imagine what they expect to accomplish. Do they really think that people will see a minority individual on the cover and refuse to buy the magazine? Absurd. More likely the covers are a reflection of what’s hot at the moment plus political maneuvering by the actors’ “people” and reflect merit in no way.

        But hey, some blogs have told me to be mad about this, so I’m mad! Maybe we’ll eventually get loud enough that Vanity Fair will start putting minority actresses in the center of every Hollywood Issue cover. Then we can start complaining about how they only put them there because they’re minorities and Vanity Fair is racist.

        Here’s to judging everything and everyone by skin color!

        p.s. Let me know what I should be mad about next.

        p.p.s. How many people actually read Vanity Fair? Is it not possible that they’re just doing this to stay relevant in a dying print industry? They seem to be one of the few magazines increasing circulation these days, though their growth is tiny. Maybe this non-scandal is how they keep afloat. This is great free publicity, after all. The magazine is beautiful, but I wouldn’t have known that if it hadn’t been splashed all over the interwebs as we huff and puff…

    • Lee says:

      Vanity Fair has an awful track record for this type of thing, but I think the problem runs deeper. There just aren’t very many shows that have women of color in leading roles, so there aren’t a lot of options to chose from. I mean, does anyone watch Hawaii 5-0? Has Scandalous even aired yet? And if you’re going to show one character from The Good Wife on the cover, of course it will be the titular woman.

      It’s still hugely unfortunate and I don’t think Vanity Fair makes much of an effort to combat the problem (this sadly seems to be their most multicultural spread in ages and still, as you point out, most of the non-white women are relegated not only to the inside cover, but the background within the group shot), but I think it’s relevant to keep in mind that the whole hollywood machine doesn’t make it easy to find prominent and powerful female characters who aren’t 22 year old blonde waifs.

      • renee says:

        Thank you!!!!!! I was just going to comment on how all of the women of color are relegated to the background. Don’t even bother Vanity Fair. Don’t even bother.

      • mln76 says:

        Lee you are right about the lack of diversity in general in Hollywood but Vanity Fair has shown a propensity to put anonymous white actresses/actors no one has ever heard of on their covers instead of a actress/actor of color that is a household name. Heck they even put Wil Smith on the middle flap of a cover(yes it was a while back BUT STILL).

      • LAK says:

        @min76 – Will Smith eventually got a cover. by himself. i can’t remember the year but he gave an extensive interview about his approach to his hollywood career and why he would rather make *B movies as those are the most likely to make bank at the box office.

        He came across as calculated as Tommygirl.

        i don’t think he has ever given as indepth an interview since

    • LAK says:

      @min76 – Can i defend VF a tiny bit, sort of…… they always put black stars on the cover front and centre when they have a music issue.

      I guess in their world Black people dominate the music scene and make no dent in the world of TV & Film.

    • LAK says:

      @min76 – i went through their archives to try and find that cover, but it doesn’t go back further than 2000. i guess it was that long ago.

      I noticed though that over all 2000-2004, they had one coverof Cam D, Salma Hayek, and Benjamin Bratt/Talisa Soto which is not saying very much.

      They also featured them as group shots in their hollywood issues, so there is that.

      The other wierd thing is they seem to have discontinued the Music issue after 2006. That was an annual one, and usually had black stars front and centre on the cover.

      So, i take back my earlier kinda luke warm sort of endorsement.

      Situation is definitely worse not better.

  5. Esmom says:

    Not sure about the lingerie concept, seems less than respectful. It’s hardly what I wear to watch TV, not by a long shot! But the ladies look great (although Claire Danes’s hair color is harsh).

    When you said it skewed young, I was expecting younger (like Sarah Hyland and Kiernan Shipka) and thinking VF did pretty well…until you mentioned all the amazing actors they could have featured. Boo.

    Glad to see Emily Van Camp representing Revenge, my guilty pleasure du jour!

    • Bite me says:

      When does rev be dome back with new episodes , i read somewhere April 18 that’s so far

  6. jinni says:

    The only way this cover could have been given any class is if the Dowager Countess of Grantham were on it.

    All jokes aside, why can’t women do anything without sex/sexiness being involved? This shoot would never happen with guys in it, unless it was for a joke and the guys were all unacttractive comedians poking fun at these kinds of pics. No self respecting actor would seriously partake in this idea on a legitimate level.

    One would think since tv allows for greater diversity than film they would have shown that in the cover. Nope not a chance. Once again all the minority women are found in the inside picture, wouldn’t want to offend the public with diversity.

    • inthekitchen says:

      ^^^ THIS! I am so sick of women having to pose (practically) naked. It really just reduces women to sexual objects.

      • Kloops says:

        To paraphrase a woman funnier than I, ” who does a woman have to blow to get the media to stop objectifying women?”

      • Tiffany says:


      • Ramona Q. says:

        The cover might as well be a POV shot of those ladies on their knees. Why don’t the ACTRESSES refuse to go along with these insulting photoshoot concepts?

    • AudreyS says:


    • Slim Charles says:

      How groundbreaking! Lingerie-clad woman on a BED covered by a WHITE SHEET!

      Let’s take these talented, accomplished women and put them in their place by reducing them to boobs and expensive lingerie. I’m not only pissed off as a woman, but also as a photographer. Where are the new visual ideas?

    • j says:

      This, exactly. I can’t imagine male actors agreeing to participate in a steamy locker room scene, playfully sexual and in close proximity. But women? Strip down, tits out! Assume the cliched lesbian pajama party positions! You there, the dark one, sit in back! Why this continues to be acceptable is completely baffling.

      And I’d like to think the reason Kyra Sedgwick, Christina Hendricks, et al weren’t included is because their agents scoffed at the ridiculousness of this. One can dream.

    • Ally says:

      This cover makes me feel pretty great about not renewing my Vanity Fair subscription. What morons. Look, a bunch of 30 and 40 year old women having a slumber party in their undies! Whoo!

      Graydon Carter and Annie Leibovitz need to be put out to the same pasture as Hugh Hefner.

  7. Ming says:

    Yeah. Young girls in underwear, that’s what Liam Neesons son’s show him, when they google “free p-rn”.

    I’m a sad pony and Vanity Fair can go f-ck themselves.

    • Kaye1 says:

      Agreed. Why do these women need to look like they are ready to have sex? It pisses me off.

  8. Memory27 says:

    Kat dennings is so pretty and she has a beautiful figure like a real woman. Love her.

  9. Ahot says:

    I guess those outstanding actress you mentioned are not ready to strip down just for the dubious honour of an appearance on a Vanity Fair cover.
    I would love to know what is lady-like in this pyjama party.
    The only nice thing here is the vanity (no pun intended) behind Grace Park. *I need it in my life.*

  10. Mrs.Darcy says:

    I like all the tumblers of whiskey, to make them seem mannish or empowered somehow by yet again having to pose in their underwears.Not klassy VF. Agree would have preferred to see all of the kickass ladies mentioned, I’m kind of disappointed in Julianna, Archie and Claire in particular for being sold on stripping for this shoot, it’s just so predictable. They have Emmy’s, why do they still need to do this? Sad.

  11. Scarlet Vixen says:

    I don’t get why they’re all in lingerie, but I’m kinda pleasantly surprised to see that they aren’t as young as I expected. All the women on the cover are over 30. And other than Emmy Rossum, Emily Van Camp, & Kat Dennings all the women inside the cover are over 30, as well. Over 30 is practically over the hill in Hollywood! Being a 32yr old woman myself I appreciate seeing women my age on tv.

    Maybe some of the other stars you mentioned (Kyra Sedgwick, Edie Falco, Laura Linny) said no because they were turned off by the lingerie concept?

    • fleur says:

      I have to agree with you there, Scarlet. I’ll be 30 soon and I feel like all the major fashion mags have already abandoned me! Selena Gomez on the cover? Or Dakota Fanning!? Ashley Olsen! Kristen Stewart?! Blake Lively??? I see these covers and they feel like I’m looking at Seventeen Magazine, not a grown woman’s fashion mag. At 29, I’m already at the point where I never see anyone on the cover my age or older unless it’s on those B-rate non-fashion magazines like Shape or Lucky (…no comment needed, yeah?). I knew it would happen eventually, but I didn’t know it would be so fast or while I was still in my 20s

  12. Marianne says:

    I wouldn’t say mostly young. Julianna is 46. Sofia is 40. Claire is 33 (which isn’t old by any means..but she’s not some 20 something anymore). Michelle Dockery is 31.

    As for the inside cover, the only girls still in their 20s are Kat Dennings, Emmy Rossum and Emily VanCamp.

    Plus, if you look at the cover, it also mentions shows like HIMYM, Mad Men, Big bang theory, etc. Perhaps there is more inside the actual magazine.

  13. NYC_girl says:

    Helen Mirren!!! She could totally pull off one of those outfits!

  14. Cel says:

    Maybe those women you mention aren’t on be the cover/in the magazine because they don’t feel the need to be paraded in underwear!

  15. KitKat says:

    Vanity Fair is not a magazine where I expect to find diversity. Although they have some great acrticles, I find I flip through it before I buy to see if it’s worth my time. I don’t think the powers that be realize that the world is changing and they are being left behind. And really, couldn’t they think of anything more original than women in their underwear????? Ugh!

  16. ramona says:

    Group shots of women are always in lingerie or gowns. Just once, I want to see a group of women in well-cut, well-tailored suits. Just once.

    • Marianne says:

      Although I think it’s pretty ridic that they think women watch TV in their lingerie…it’s also pretty ridic to portray women watching TV in tailored suits. That might work for another photoshoot.

      For this one, might have made more sense to put them in pajamas.

  17. lucy2 says:

    I like that they’re highlighting women in television as there are some great actresses and roles out there now. I also like that it’s a bit more diverse than their usual covers. But I completely agree that all of that is negated by posing them in such a way and such a wardrobe. They’re beautiful, talented women, who would be just as beautiful and talented fully clothed.

    Has Kerry’s show even premiered yet? Kind of surprised they chose her for this issue – I like her and she’s really pretty, but all the other shows are fairly established and successful, and hers hasn’t aired one episode yet, as far as I know.

  18. nikzilla37 says:

    Why do they all have to be wearing lingerie and laying around naked in bed? HATE.

  19. Stacie says:

    I love Kerry Washington . I can’t wait for her new show Thursday night . Lovely photos !

  20. HadleyB says:

    Um Kerry Washington – her face is radically changed in the past few years. Wtf? She is scary to look at and those cheek fillers, implants are horrid. She didn’t look like that before several years ago.

    Emily R should of been on the cover, love her. But Claire Daines while I don’t care for her on a personal level when I see her interviews, I do love her in Homeland.

    • Joule says:

      Kerry is beautiful here…shut up

    • Kathy says:

      Kerry Washington is quite possibly the best looking women on the cover. As long as you can somehow look around those absolutely hideous cheek implants.

    • Tiffany says:

      I have seen Kerry up close and personal, and there is NO fillers or cheek implants in that face. She is naturally gorgeous (and completely kind and smart, by the way). Her face moves like a real face. I am sure she gets more facials than most people, but she doesn’t NEED fillers or cheek implants.

      • Emily says:

        I’ve seen her close up, too. Shock! More plastic surgery than Angelina. First came the nose job. Then under-ear jaw implants and a chin implant which makes her head look too big. You can see where it’s all attached. Cheek implants were made bigger a couple years ago. An upper blepharoplasty made the eyes bigger, gives them a wild look in pics. The forehead is perma-mottled like measles, possibly from bleaching. If you wanna see “Before”, get the Spence yearbook! Or watch Our Song on Netflix streaming. She looks better post-op, have to admit.

  21. Zorbitor says:

    Where’s Big ANG?

  22. D1 says:

    I’m fascinated by the fact that for every damn cover that features a line-up of actresses, they always shove the lone black actress onto the inside flap. Every. Time. Can anybody remember if they’ve ever let any woman who would fail the paper bag test onto one of those covers?

    Look, I’m not asking for her to be in the middle. I don’t even need to see her whole face – baby steps, ok? Like, keep all the white women in front, and then, all the way in the back, let us see Zoe’s or Kerry’s forehead and eyes peeking in a window or out from underneath a sofa or something.

    Also, aren’t the vast majority of VF’s readers women? What the hell is the point of the lingerie – this photo shoot looks like Hugh Hefner’s fantasy of what women look like when they hang out together. Does the next page show them pulling each other’s hair and wrestling in Jello?

    • mln76 says:

      Worst was the year that they featured no women of color in their ‘Young Women of Hollywood’ cover. There were a dozen white women of which only one or two were even recognizable in the same year Zoe Saldana starred in Avatar and Star Trek and Gaborey Sidibe was nominated for an Oscar (I know heavy AND black would be too much to ask of VF).

      • LAK says:

        sidetrack – there is an article on VF website that tracks all the covers since they started them in 1995.

        It’s amazing to who they pick vs who is or becomes a huge star.

        Only one person from the first 2 covers didn’t make it. All the rest are/were A list within 2-3yrs.

        And yes, they are all in lingerie.

    • I Choose Me says:

      “baby steps, ok? Like, keep all the white women in front, and then, all the way in the back, let us see Zoe’s or Kerry’s forehead and eyes peeking in a window or out from underneath a sofa or something.”

      LMAO. Loving the comments in this thread. You rock D1!

  23. Maya says:

    Why do women always have to be photographed in underwear?
    I don’t know…it may be Vanity Fair, but there’s something that I don’t like…objectification perhaps?

    • Ana says:

      It’s the ever present male gaze and it’s tiring.

      Apparently, it’s the only perspective that matters. /sarcasm

    • Ally says:

      That Tom Ford cover was the epitome of this. The actresses were naked and he was in a suit. It was supposedly an homage to the painting ‘Dejeuner sur l’herbe’, but really it was an homage to sexism and objectification of women.

      Confirmed my sense that Tom Ford is a woman-despising douche.

      • Maya says:

        The only thing I like about Tom Ford is that he doesn’t bow down to follow the other fashion designers, so doesn’t broadcast his designs online and so on.
        But yes, I’ve read interviews with him making comments about perfecting women [celebrities who don’t need to have additional work done – other than the work they do have done]. Then when I saw Gwyneth Paltrow at the Oscars, and how thin she was [to fit into his dress], I thought him a huge douche, who was not unlike other designers [at least other designers are more straightforward, e.g. Lagerfeld]. I’m glad that Gucci fired Tom Ford’s egotistical ass.

  24. Jordan says:

    Where’s Betty White?

    At least they tried to shut us up by throwing in some minorities.

    • Bite me says:

      Betty white is there just not on the cover… Saw additional pix while watching the Today Show this morning

  25. Relli says:

    Why do they always Photoshop Kat Dennings into oblivion. I didn’t even recognize her here and i am big fan. She even mentioned it once that no matter what the publication they take all the ethnic out of her nose.

  26. Ana says:

    I’m getting so sick and tired of the “sexy” cover especially since it seems to mostly be employed when only women are involved.

    When there’s a man involved or multiple men, they’re tastefully covered up in classy suits or whatnot, but showcase a group of women and apparently the only way to sell that magazine cover is to have them posing half-naked and rolling around in bed sheets.

  27. Beatrix says:

    Ugh, Kat Dennings, Why?

  28. kiyoshigril says:

    “I guess those outstanding actress you mentioned are not ready to strip down just for the dubious honor of an appearance on a Vanity Fair cover.”

    Ahot, perhaps you have hit the nail on the head…at least I hope so. It makes sense that some of our more distinguished (and dare I say middle aged) actresses would not run to take part in a shoot where they are required to dress like call girls.

  29. Ariya says:

    Does it make me and my friends bad black people if we don’t care for VF? We read Essence and Ebony, Vanity Fair isn’t a mood killer when they show cover number 32345 of a group of white women who look hungry.

  30. Tiffany says:

    Wow…I so thought that was January Jones, not Claire Danes!

  31. blah says:

    I just wanted to say that Claire Danes is NOT a young, pretty woman. Someone I know saw her in real life and was quite dismayed to observe that she was one of the ugliest women she’d ever seen in the flesh. Which is disappointing, seeing as we’re fans of her work (not the home wrecking tho).

    Supposedly even though she’s waify her frame is really awkward and mannish- broad shoulders and no breasts. And her face is pretty busted. I guess she photographs well because she always looks dece in pics?

  32. Jover says:

    One thing that’s being missed VF’s politics are to the left, so how do we explain it’s treatment on non-white females, hypocrisy as usual from the pseudo-left.
    Marjalane, I agree but you left out one thing – since the passing of Chris Hitchens there really is no compelling reason to read this rag – it still has a few good articles buried in the back but its become mostly hollywood rear kissing.

  33. Jo 'Mama' Besser says:


    So here’s the list of duties, and you can sign up the job you want:

    Purses holder

    Getaway car driver

    Scapegoat scout

    Turtleneck, wool cap, black slacks wrangler.

    Getaway car renter


    List of demands


    Security guard seducer

    Naptha/Greek fire specialist

    Bogus charity event co-ordinator–the diversion

    False ID/passport provider

    Sensible snacks-packer

    Map to Graydon Carter’s house

    Treasure Coffers blueprint

    Anti-Geraldo pills

    Onion, glycerine and mint spray for spontaneous tears

    Dull stories about the state of our relationship to liquefy the senses of his staff.



    Helicopter pilot to drop Carter off at the Apollo.


    Hold Gretchen Mol for ransom. The slowness of response might last almost as long as it would for a black person. The interest rates will be high.

    Figure out how to formulate an equation on interest rates on ‘Hasbeens Who Never Were’.

    Screenplay writer for the Movie Of The Week that focuses on our journey. It shall be called ‘Mother May I Sleep With Predictability And Smugness?’

    That one brand of malt liquor that ‘…gives you ‘oooooo!”

    Fuel funding for film by making all of our bogus charity award winners (they’re much more pliable when they awards and a fancy dress) with a post-show weekend yacht-oriented celebration that comes complete with testimonials from other celebs about the goodness of The Celebration Awards.

    So, I guess that means we’ll a blacksmith.

    Sex tapes of the stars procurer that will be released to the public should they provide us with their blurbs.

    Someone to sneak into the marina and get the keys for our post-Celebration Awards Yachting Weekend. I hear that Della Reese’s party boat is niiiiice. Also, I’m sure there will be some of her homemade libations in there somewhere. She had problems when she was asked to act as the spokesperson for a crude and stereotypical malt liquor, so she got in touch with her inner bartender and now we have ‘Punched By An Angel’.

    Someone to put the kibosh on Drew Barrymore playing Della Reese in the summer blockbuster already in production. They’re calling it, ‘Acknowledged By An Angel’, and the part of the ‘Initially thuggish ‘urbanite’ who has a tough outer shell because dad’s locked up and ma done ran away with Pat Sajak and he has to raise all seventeen of the chilluns himself, but when his hardscrabble life wins the sympathy of Della Barrymore, his adoration of Fluxus and ‘happenings’ finally get to bloom’ is being played by Kate Hudson

    Um, Kate Hudson’s getting a lot of Oscar buzz about her portrayal as Tyronnifer van der Sweeden.

    Stop production.

    Give up on Hollywood and tear down that aging structure that glorifies it. Pamela Anderson is such a card.

  34. Julie says:

    Would it have hurt them to pull Kerrys couch abit closer to the rest? Whos her freaking agent who let this mess happen? He should take lessons from Emily Van Camps guy.

  35. Anna says:

    How about AMY POEHLER in one of the best roles on television

  36. JJ says:

    Why is Kerry Washington “African-American”, Grace Park “Korean-American”, but Archie Panjabi is just “Indian”? Archie Panjabi is British, British-Indian if you want to be technical. She is not merely “Indian”… only people actually from India are Indian. Sorry to be picky, but you should get your facts straight before you misrepresent someone’s nationality/ethnicity, especially when it’s someone from an ethnicity that is barely represented in media anyway. Just my $0.02.

    • Lol says:

      Actually do the British ever bother to separate it like that? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone from there do that.

    • Lol says:

      Actually do the British ever bother to separate it like that? I don’t think I’ve ever heard British do that.

  37. fleur says:

    I don’t know what VF’s problem is, but it bugs the heckout of me that no major magazine has the guts to put a man or woman who isn’t of European descent or named Will Smith (no offense Mr Smith) on the cover of a mag. Geesh! We are in 2012, we have a black president, are you freaking kidding me Vanity Fair/American media?? Vogue does the same thing. It drives me nuts. Don’t they think people will buy magazines with people who look different from them? I am as Anglo-European as Michelle Dockery on that cover, and as shocking as it might be to a VF editor, *I* would buy a magazine with beautiful Grace Park or stunning Kerry Washington on the cover! I find it really horrific that I never see anyone who isn’t Anglo-European on the cover of a mainstream mag. My friends come from so many different ethnic backgrounds, America is not all white! Uggh!

  38. Rachael says:

    Hahah dude, I was watching Access Hollywood earlier tonight, and they did a story on this. The EXACT quote from the features editor of VF was, “We picked each actress based on their popularity.”

    That made me laugh. I’m not saying that I don’t love the three of these ladies who are actually on shows I watch, but I find it hilarious that VF fully admits that talent had nothing to do with their choices here.

  39. Coucou says:

    Kaiser, could you do us all a favor and FORWARD ALL OF OUR COMMENTS TO VANITY FAIR? They need to wake up and smell the coffee circa NOW.

  40. only1shmoo says:

    Firstly, the theme for this photo shoot is completely lacking in originality. Most, if not all of these ladies, represent strong, empowered women on their shows, so to have them pose practically nude in jewelry somewhat diminishes what they typically represent.

    Side note: I’m a little pissed that Archie Panjabi wasn’t considered for the cover, she’s gorgeous >: (

  41. mar says:

    Claire Danes looks remarkably good here.

  42. bob says:

    Aside from Zooey’s sister there, I have no idea who any of these people are.