Jennifer Love Hewitt is probably waiting for Tom Cruise to call, right?

These are new photos of Jennifer Love Hewitt leaving a gym on Saturday. Curious timing? Curious style? Just wait for it.

Within maybe 30 minutes of hearing that Katie Holmes had cut five and a half feet of unhinged Xenu-lovin’ out of her life, Bedhead and I were already theorizing about Tom Cruise’s next girlfriend/wife/brainwashing victim. I think I have a good enough idea of what Tom likes in a girl – he likes ‘em young, he likes ‘em to have careers (but not careers that could in any way compete with his career), he doesn’t do A-listers, and he tends to avoid the obvious choices, the Hollywood blondes and the girls that top the “Sexiest Blah of Blah” lists. Although… rumor was that Tom “auditioned” the likes of Scarlett Johansson, Kate Bosworth, Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan to be his Bride of Xenu before he settled on Katie Holmes, so maybe I have Tom’s “type” wrong. Still, I feel like there’s ample evidence to suggest that Tom might go with my suggestion, which came to me almost immediately – who should Tom go for next? JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT!!!!!

Think it through. She’s famous in her own right, but she’s pretty much a solid C-list with B-list name recognition. She’s got a career (that Lifetime show about handies), but it won’t interfere with Tom’s whatsoever. She’s not “obvious” – she’s not, like, Ashley Greene or some Gossip Girl. She’s pretty in the same way Katie Holmes is pretty – accessible, girl-next-door, etc. Plus, let’s face it – J.Love is ALREADY crazy. I’m surprised that she’s not already down with Xenu – imagine what she would do for Xenu if Tom Cruise promised J.Love her Tiffany’s Pre-Selected Engagement Ring Option #1? She would agree to a million audits.

Of course, I theorized J.Love would be down for Tom Cruise before I heard about Tom’s weird “33” thing – all of his marriages have broken apart when the wife is 33. Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman and now Katie Holmes – all were 33 when divorce proceedings began. Jennifer Love is 33 years old right now. Maybe Tom should start a new cycle – start dating them when they’re 33. Except that most 33-year-olds probably know better than to get involved with Tom. J. Love doesn’t know any better. Trust me. She would be perfect.

I think that’s why J.Love went to the gym on Saturday. She’s getting in shape so she’ll be ready when Tom calls.

UPDATE: Yes, J.Love’s mom died recently, and I’m sad for her. But… I still think she would be great with Tom.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

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50 Responses to “Jennifer Love Hewitt is probably waiting for Tom Cruise to call, right?”

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  1. loma says:

    Didn’t she recently lose her mum?

    Also, creepiest pic of Tom Cruise ever.

    • Esmom says:

      That photo cracked me up. Perfect for the story…diabolical, brainwashed megastar, ready for his next victim.

    • Snowpea says:

      Oh. My. God.

      That photo of Tom is fucking hilarious! He looks TOTALLY, HILARIOUSLY INSANE.

      I cannot stop laughing!

      • TheOriginalTiffany says:

        Can you imagine that visage coming toward you in bed?

        Laughing uncontrollably!

      • Hautie says:

        “Oh. My. God.

        That photo of Tom is f-king hilarious! He looks TOTALLY, HILARIOUSLY INSANE.

        I cannot stop laughing!”

        No sh-t! I just cracked up laughing!

        That needs to be the future “go-to” picture for any Cruise posting!

        Geez’ that is a creepy as frack picture of him… hahaha!

        Poor Katie.

        She saw that face every time he wanted to hook her up for a new audit… “tell me allll your secrets little girl… come tell Daddy alllll your bad thoughts….”


    • Miffy says:

      I know what my new facebook profile picture is. Amazing.

  2. miriam says:

    Lol. Can’t wait to see who he contracts next.

    • RocketMerry says:

      Me too, though I wouldn’t wish it to my most hated enemy.

      Maybe Tommy will take the chance and make it official with that Miscavige creep? Lol

    • Miffy says:

      I’m hoping he gives Lindsay Lohan a ‘call back’ for wife auditions. How amazing would that fluster-cuck be? Tom jumping on couches, LiLo vomiting behind couches, it’ll be beautiful.

  3. brin says:

    Perfect….he doesn’t even have to buy an engagement ring (or 3)!!!

  4. LindyLou says:

    Any 33 year old woman who has kitty ears on her phone is ripe for Xenu picking! ITA Kaiser!!

  5. ahoyhoy says:

    JLH is needy beyond needy, bless her. She couldn’t handle a beard situation—she wants a REAL marriage. A ‘real’ marriage that means she is constantly attended to. Tom doesn’t ‘do’ affection, OR sex.

    JLH is also way too indiscreet for Tommy. But she just lost her mother, so don’t give her any bad ideas at this weak time for her.

    Tom needs to stay single and stop trying to fool people. His personal life is always so over-exposed, it ruins his trying to act a character.

    • Rhea says:

      Although the idea of them getting together is very interesting to see for entertainment (I could really see her jumping up and down the couch to match Tom or doing other crazy stuff to prove her “love”. And she would definitely love the intense attention from him-in public-at the beginning), you are right.

      She is too indiscreet for Tom. She often speaks without thinking first which would really be a problem in the future for the church.

  6. Thea says:

    I think he should go for Juliette Lewis. Shes already a Scientologist, and want freak out with the crazy crap. She is older than he likes them but hey, she could be fun.

    • DSS says:

      Juliette Lewis would be too much for him. She has such a strong personality, but you bring a valid point; why doesn’t he just pick a new girl from the Scientology pool. I’m sure she would be already down with the COS aspect of the relationship.

  7. gee says:

    Aw I have such a soft spot for her! No creepers please! Plus, I think she likes them kind of controllable. She always picks one who she can mold, and then they snap to their senses and run. I just want her to be happyyyy

  8. Amelia says:

    I still stand by my Julianne Hough call.
    Also, slightly creepy coincidence, isn’t JLH banging that TC lookalike on her lifetime show? Maybe she’ll be next after all …

  9. SqualkyParrot says:

    Elizabeth Moss? I really, really hope not, but she fits the age requirement, is single ( as in not married), and is already Co$.

    • Esmom says:

      No! Not Peggy. Plus she just got away from a bit of a creepy husband, no?

    • stellalovejoydiver says:

      She´s almost 32 and I´m not sure if she wants to beard for him, but she said she loves gays.

  10. birdie says:

    I can see it, but.. give this girl a break, she just lost her mom.

    • dahlianoir says:

      Exactly. I like funny gossip but this one is plain mean and uncalled for.

  11. Sequined Pajamas says:

    JLW is a good person. She has her issues, but I don’t get the hate against her. She doesn’t go around bragging to be the perfect mistress or making fun of celebrities adopted children. She says some off the wall things and feeds the homeless every Thanksgiving without press.She is not Cate Blanchett in the acting department, but there are a lot of actresses that are worst than her.

    • Veruca says:

      I agree about the issues — she’s obviously got them (who doesn’t?), but I don’t get the hate either.

      Wishing TC on her — or anyone for that matter — is just cruel.

      I want this divorce to be the beginning of the destruction of TC and Scientology. I just hate them so much!

  12. Loving CB says:

    she just lost her mom. Give her some breathing room cb.

    She went to the gym to releif stress, probably related to her best friend, and mom.. dying..

  13. Liberty says:

    She is kind of like the Bridget Jones of Hollywood. I feel sorry for her. Let some normal Mr Darcy meet her and sweep her off to happy living under the radar in Shropshire with ponies and kitties and unicorns and chocolate. She would be happy at last.

    And I still vote Pippa for the next Mrs Tom Crazy. She becomes the future queen of CO$, gets more $$ than her sister, and gets Party Pieces into every creepy CO$ event.

    • Sparkly says:

      I want to see this now. And if it really is a skilled grifter family, that would be very awesome to watch.

  14. Jill says:

    Doubt it.

    He is superficial. For one she is not skinny enough, tall enough and from what I have heard of JLH, she is not one to be “controlled” or “choked” LOLLL

  15. Cleveland Girl says:

    OMG. I dreamt this last night. I an NOT kidding.

  16. Maritza says:

    This wouldn’t work because Tom Cruise would want her to leave her show The Client List, because she plays a prostitute. Jennifer Love is not that desperate!

  17. TheOriginalKitten says:

    Ugh, I’m 33.
    I’d like to think that J. Love would know better than to sign her life away with Tom Cruise but unfortunately, she does seem like she might be desperate enough to get roboticized.
    Anyway, I still feel awful for her for losing her mom. Hope she’s coping with things as best she can.

  18. fabgrrl says:

    I don’t think she is tall enough for him. Also, he seems to like quite slim women. (Not a dig on J.Love’s weight, I think she looks great. But she is quite curvy.)

  19. MrsBPitt says:

    Jlove is too old for Tommy…maybe Blake Lively will dump RR for Tom…

  20. Dredz says:

    I’m sure she can’t wait to date Xenu personified, she has a new Herve Leger dress on reserve for their first “spiritual contact”.

  21. Holden says:

    She sent him her “Call me maybe” lipsynch video.

  22. Mac says:

    Whaddabout Laura Prepon?

    She’s already down with CO$, though not too militant or Stepford Wife-ish about it.

    She’s only 32, good-natured, gorgeous and good sized.

  23. ihi says:

    Eva Mendes would be a perfect fit too. Both are always looking for attention anyways…

  24. kibbles says:

    Tom should try to date an actual Scientologist from now on. Maybe Elisabeth Moss (Peggy) from Mad Men? She was raised in the COS. She also goes for strange with her brief marriage to Fred Armisen. She would fit Tom’s trend of progressively dating women younger than his previous ex-wife.

  25. lucy2 says:

    I hope not, for JLH’s sake. I could see her getting swept up in the fairytale crap he promises, but she wouldn’t be happy.
    Now that the crazy is out of the bag, he’s going to need to go much lower down the ladder for Hollywood starlets, or find some non-celeb COS groupie who will stand there and smile, say he’s amazing, and not make a face when he attack-kisses her.

  26. dizzy says:

    Aww, come on, her mom just passed away. I hope she stays away from the cray-cray Cruise.

    • kess says:

      You must be joking, JLH has substantial breasts & curves.
      Tommy likes em flatchested and boyish;)

  27. Stormy says:

    Her mom just died,I see a lot of people never lost a parent.

  28. Sherma says:

    I think the next will be Julianna Hough. She popped up in publcity for Rock of Ages and the interviewer asked, ‘Does Ryan (Seacrest) have something to worry about with Tom Cruise?’ which she flirted with at length. I’ll just bet she had to because it was ‘in her contract”

  29. crtb says:

    If he would make her happy then she should go for it. I know that she really wants to be married. but she should know ahead of time what she is getting herself into.