This is your disclaimer, Twihards: this is probably total BS. But I’m still going to write about it because it is FUNNY. Star Magazine is going after my heart and my dreams this week by reporting that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart aren’t really “back together” and that they’re just doing this reunion thing because the studio wants them to. But the real kicker is that when they first broke up, Kristen went around to all of their friends and said that Rob was bad in bed. TWIHARD MELTDOWN PART DEUX.
A source is reportedly claiming that Kristen is going around saying Rob isn’t good in the love making department and that they aren’t really back together.
A source tells Star that Kristen is going around saying that Rob didn’t please her sexually. That couldn’t be true … could it?
“Rob couldn’t believe that Kristen was telling everyone that he’s bad in bed,” the source says. “Not only did she cheat on him, she humiliated him. Now that he’s heard about the rumors she’s been spreading, there’s no chance [he’ll take her back].”
Their reunion is part of a carefully orchestrated publicity stunt. They’e going to try and fool the fans and press and pretend everything is okay, at least until the final Twilight movie hits theaters in November.
Relax! RE-LAX. It’s just Star Mag, y’all. Consider it Twihard fan-fiction for those of us who enjoy watching Twihards cry. Pretty much every other outlet says that Kristen and Rob are totally back together, so that will ease the Twihard pain, right? Speaking of…
Yesterday, Us Weekly claimed that Rob and Kristen have moved back in together. I got a chance to read the full story in the print edition, and there were a few more details. Apparently, Sparkles was not able to resist Kristen’s pleading to get back together, but Sparkles isn’t eager to go back to the way things were before. Kristen and Rob have decided to “share a new home in the LA area” after Rob sells his Los Feliz home which “has too many memories… it stings” (like the time Sweaty Kristen came home from the gym, wearing his clothes, and smelling of Rupert Sanders, perchance?). A source tells Us Weekly, “Rob is extra-sensitive right now. He’s insecure.” And whenever he goes out in LA, girls are always trying to hit him up, “but he never engaged with them for more than a few minutes.” Because his sparkle-heart belongs to Dita Von Teese.
Hollywood Life’s source says that Kristen and Rob are “in such a better place now” as well. HL’s “source at Summit Entertainment” (massive conspiratorial side-eye) claims, “Summit is ready for the press tour with both of them. They have no qualms whatsoever for them to work together [like] they have in the past. Summit is no longer scared of the outcome now that time has passed and things appear to be getting back to normal.” All business. Literally. And just in case you were worried about the media lack of catering to Twihards, People Mag has chimed in with yet another story too:
Despite a cheating scandal that almost destroyed their relationship, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have been spending more and more time together.
When Stewart, 22, and Pattinson, 26, met up in Los Angeles over the weekend of Sept. 15, speculation grew that the Breaking Dawn stars would rekindle their love.
Since then, the couple have continued to meet up, spending time together at a friend’s guest house in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles.
“Rob was completely heartbroken and was saying there was no way he could ever forgive her,” a source told PEOPLE recently. “But not speaking to someone that you thought was your end all, be all, is clearly harder than he expected.”
Pattinson’s friends want him to move on because “they don’t want to see him hurt again,” the source added. “But it’s easier said than done.”
Meanwhile, a different source says that the actor’s pals “keep telling him he needs some time and space, but they all think they will be a couple again, maybe as soon as they are together for the Twilight promos.”
At least for the moment, the couple seem to be taking a few days apart. The On the Road actress arrived in Paris solo on Wednesday for Paris Fashion Week. Stewart, a spokeswoman for Balenciaga, is expected to attend the fashion house’s show on Thursday.
Poor, sad Sparkles. I do feel for him. This is his longest and most significant relationship, right? He was 22 or 23 when they got together, and I’m guessing he doesn’t have a ton of other significant relationships he can use as a “standard”. This is his “normal”. And that makes it even sadder.
Photos courtesy of WENN.