As I think we’ve established thus far, Pippa Middleton’s bland, basic party-planning book is a total bomb. Just a month after its release, the book was underperforming so terribly, bookstores and online retailers had to drastically reduce the price. The reviews of Celebrate were awful, and reviewers took to openly mocking Pippa’s O RLY suggestions. A fake Twitter account for “Pippa’s Tips” was set up and it’s still operational – and full of such Pippa-esque wisdom as “Avoid early mornings by not waking up too early.” Penguin, the American publisher of Celebrate, spent $600,000 on Pippa’s advance, and they’re totally not going to make it back. One literary know-it-all even gossiped, “The sales have been dreadful, and I hear that the people at Penguin are virtually slitting their wrists over it. To think of all the money they spent on it, too!”

So what is poor Pippa to do? Actually commit to an American publicity tour and sit down for some major interviews, after being appropriately coached to deflect any questions about the royal family? Of course not. Pippa is trying to make it all better by laughing at herself in a new “guest editor” column for The Spectator.

Critics have not been kind to Pippa Middleton’s party-planning guide, Celebrate, which was widely ridiculed upon its release for its too-basic advice. (Sample tip: “When hosting a party, move any clutter from the space where you’re entertaining.”) But the author has a message for all the naysayers: They’re not laughing at her, they’re laughing with her.

Duchess Kate’s 29-year-old party-planner sister showed she was in on the joke by writing a hilarious, tongue-in-cheek guest editorial for The Spectator, a long-running weekly magazine focused on political and current events.

“I have been much teased for my book. Lots of journalists are saying that my advice is glaringly obvious,” she writes in the piece. “A spoof Twitter account called @pippatips offers such pearls as ‘Enjoy a glass of water by getting a clean glass and pouring in water from a tap or bottle.'”

“But in my defense, let me say this: Celebrate is meant to be a guide to party planning and, as such, it has to cover the basics,” she continues cheekily. “If I were to write a cookery book, for instance, I would be compelled to say that, to make an omelette, you have to break at least one egg. Actually, that’s not a bad idea.” Added the royal bridesmaid world-famous for her derriere: “Or maybe I should write a sequel and call it Bottoms Up? Now that could be a bestseller.”

Should said sequel come to be, she adds, she’s prepared for the inevitable book-signings. “I have finally perfected my signature,” she writes, revealing that she takes pains to distance herself from her well-known surname. “It took hours of practicing…I decided early on just to write Pippa, not Middleton.”

Continuing the gag, the writer shares her “excruciatingly self-evident tips for festive entertaining in the workplace,” including gems like: “Choose, if you can, a Christmas-themed menu. A turkey, for example, can be perfect for large gatherings.” She also offers some thoughts on appropriate conversation topics: “Keep speeches brief and cheerful. Christmas is not a time to talk about redundancies.”

It is a time for costumes, though — at least in the Middleton household.

“My father has developed a tradition of surprising us at some point by appearing in fancy dress. He buys a new costume each year and typically gets carried away,” the Brit discloses of father Michael, who shares kids Kate, 30, Pippa, and James, 25, with wife Carole. “A couple of Christmases ago he appeared in an inflatable sumo outfit. It’s endearing, really, and only quite embarrassing.”

[From The Spectator and Us Weekly]

I think we should applaud her for attempting to handle the overwhelming criticism with a bit of grace and humor. But I don’t really think that Pippa “gets it” though. This is what makes me think she’s still in the dark: “to make an omelette, you have to break at least one egg.” Seriously? That’s her defense.

Additionally, Pippa ends up talking about her total crush on Roger Federer (join the club, Pips). She writes that Federer is “a man who exudes so much grace and beauty that he inspires anybody with a pulse.” And a “source” tells The Mail that the Spectator piece was all her own work and “It is completely intentional and good humoured.” Of course she’s in good humor. She got $600,000 for that crap!

Photos courtesy of WENN.