Chelsea Handler: ‘I don’t know that I could handle my own child, especially a girl’

There’s one thing that I don’t flat-out hate about Chelsea Handler (generous of me, I know): I don’t hate her when she’s talking honestly about how she doesn’t want children, or how being a wife and mother was never her goal. In that one instance, I find her refreshingly honest. Maybe it’s because it’s one of the few times I relate to her and agree with her. Chelsea did an interview with Amanda de Cadenet (I have yet to see an episode of The Conversation) and the conversation turned to babies and… again, I give Chelsea credit for not spouting the standard “Oh, I want babies, soon!” crap. Chelsea’s not into babies.

Chelsea Handler has said it before, and now she’s saying it again: “I definitely don’t want to have kids.” The 38-year-old Chelsea Lately host explained her decision to not have children during the Apr. 27 episode of The Conversation With Amanda de Cadenet.

“I don’t think I’d be a great mother,” the New Jersey native said. “I don’t want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don’t have the time to raise a child. Childhood was heartbreaking enough for anybody. I don’t know that I could handle my own child, especially if I had a girl, going through what I went through growing up. Not that it was so traumatic, but in many ways, it was in your own way.”

Handler, the youngest of five children, also opened up about her long-distance relationship with wealthy hotelier Andre Balazs, her on-and-off love since the spring of 2011. “My boyfriend is as busy as I am, so we both make time. I think if you want to be in a relationship with someone, you both make it happen, and we do,” the My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands author said of the divorced father of two, 56. “We’re fortunate enough to be able to have the wherewithal and the resources to kind of meet each other all over the place.”

The comedienne, whose exes include rapper 50 Cent and animal trainer Dave Salmoni, said she actually prefers having a bicoastal relationship. (Handler resides primarily in L.A., while Balazs lives in New York City.)

“It’s always fun. It’s always exciting,” Handler revealed. “He’s very romantic. He’s very good for me and I’m very good for him. He’s pretentious and I’m not, so I take him down a notch and he brings me up a notch.”

Though the pair have broken up twice, they’ve since learned how to better understand each other’s needs. “We had some troubles in the beginning because we were both fighting who the other person was. Everything you like about somebody you end up detesting about them. . . Finally, we both calmed down and then we were able to come together in a much different way,” Handler said. “But I’m grateful to be in an adult relationship because I always figured, ‘Oh, I’ll just have sex with a bunch of guys and have my career.'”

[From Us Weekly]

I still don’t understand the Andre Balazs thing. Maybe I never will. I mean, I understand what she sees in him – he’s rich, he’s powerful, he’s incredibly well-connected and he provides her with so much legitimacy as a celebrity or whatever. But what does she do for him? That’s what I don’t understand. Anyway, here you go. My one relatively nice Chelsea Handler post. I guess I do one of these a year.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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56 Responses to “Chelsea Handler: ‘I don’t know that I could handle my own child, especially a girl’”

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  1. brin says:

    And the world breathes a sigh of relief.

  2. heyu says:

    Maybe he simply just loves her #shrug…

    I mean they broke up twice in d past and now back together, maybe they can’t quit each other cos they actuall love each other..

    Ppl might think chelsea is a hateful hag, but she seem fierce loyaly to the ones she close to.. I can see her being only loving to them and mean to anyone not in her circle

    That’s how she rolls lol

    • kat says:

      Could be love…but that wouldn’t sit well with most people as this would prevent them from getting their snark on

  3. Cam S says:

    I feel the exact same way. At 4 years old I said I never wanted kids, and my mind has not changed yet well into my thirties. It bothers me that everyone’s first reaction is always “Oh dear, is it something medical?” Nope. So frustrating when people always ask when the kids are coming (I’m still a newlywed). I’m like “Never”. People down south look at you so oddly. 1.Can’t afford them 2.Don’t want them even if we could afford them.

    Chelsea, Cameron Diaz, Oprah- these women I can relate to in this way. It is uncommon I get to converse with other women that share my views on children. I find this article refreshing, even if it is coming from Handler.

    • ChocoChipDstryr says:

      ” People down south look at you so oddly. ”

      I’m a Southerner who doesn’t want kids, too. What’s worse than the look is when they pat you on the hand and say, “Give it time, you’ll change your mind.” Or imply that you might be gay.

      • Cam S says:

        @ChocoChipDstryr: Yes, yes, the patting on the hand, or the implication something is wrong, you were abused as a child or you might be homosexual. Those are the only possible reasons someone wouldn’t want kids right?

      • Sam says:

        People are so crazy. They know some gay people want children, right? I mean.. They adopt them frequently. What an odd thing to say. I’m totally undecided if I want kids and more leaning towards ‘not’ but I doubt anybody will take this view seriously until I’m in my mid-thirties. Of course before then I’ll ‘grow up’ become ‘less selfish’ and realise that having children is the single greatest achievement in life. Ugh!

      • Maria says:

        Nailed it.


      • PrettyTarheelFan says:

        Southerner with 1 child here: we get similar crap, although it’s not as bad. “When are you going to have another one? You don’t want them too far apart.” We haven’t decided IF we want another one, yet. We kind of like the fact that this one is talking and walking now.
        Southerners are really into each others’ business: politics, religion, how you raise your kids, it’s all fair game.

    • Macey says:

      Its not just the south. I live in Pa and I get the same reaction if not worse here(its a very religious and conservative area). the response gets even worse when I say I have no interest in marriage either. Never had an interest in the kid/marriage thing, even as a teen I knew it wasnt for me but some ppl just dont get that. Obviously something is wrong with you or you’re gay, which Im not (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
      It really is annoying to have to explain yourself after ppl ask you about kids/marriage. I just went thru that last night at the hair dressers.
      The funny thing is, as the yrs go by and my friends are all on hubby #3 or 4, they all now think I was the smart one since I chose to not have kids or marry. I’ve always been grateful that at least my friends not only understood that but also at some point or another they’ve all said they wished they had done things differently.
      At least after reading a few sites like this one I know Im not alone in my thoughts on the subject.

    • Melissa says:

      Wow. I can’t believe people would actually have the nerve to ask you if it’s medical. Many people who want children but can’t have them or are having trouble having them don’t want to talk about it with every colleague, neighbor, etc.

      All of my close friends have kids. For those friends/colleagues/neighbors that don’t have them, I’m sure some don’t want them and some do but haven’t found a decent partner or have medical issues. etc. I don’t ask because it’s none of my business!

    • Diana says:

      People tend to get stupid with this kind of topics. It is wrong for a woman to not want children and is wrong for gay couples to want them. People just need to STFU and live their own lives without trying to dictated how others live theirs.

    • colt13 says:

      Nothing wrong with freedom of choice.

      Plus Michelle Duggar has already made up for your 2.1 kids.

  4. lisa2 says:

    yeah I’m sure.. YOU would probably call her a c***… but only if she is better than you in every way..

  5. Dutch says:

    She probably couldn’t stay away from booze for 9 months without killing someone.

  6. evyn says:

    There is no way in hell this woman is 38. No way!!!

  7. Toot says:

    This guy has nasty taste anyway, so I’m not surprised he’s with CH. He dated Courtney Love too.

  8. Rhiley says:

    I agree with you, Kaiser. I don’t find Chelsea Handler funny or good at interviewing. I don’t find her remotely interesting as a celebrity, but when she opens up about not wanting children or a traditional relationship, I find her somewhat refreshing. She doesn’t claim to be responsible for anyone other than herself, and she does a pretty good job of owning up to her shortcomings. Her boyfried is so gross looking though. He looked better when he was with Uma Thurman. Now he looks like some crusty, overly tanned soap star who should be making guest appearances at NRA conventions in Charlton Heston’s place.

  9. Norman Bates' Mother says:

    I don’t know if a child could handle her as a mother: “Mom, my friends are here, put on some clothes and stop drinking for just one second. Mom, if you want me to go downstairs, don’t scream: “Come here, you little slut”, my name is Chesty Sapphire, rememeber? Mom, what happened to that cucumber and where is my cough syrup?”.

  10. Janet says:

    Somebody tell her to do world a favor and don’t breed.

  11. Annie says:

    She would be a bad mom to a daughter, I agree with her on that one. Women who were rebels themselves, party girls, mean girls, tend to have really bad relationships with their daughters. I don’t know why. My aunt is just not a great mom. I mean, as a single parent she did everything she could to provide for my cousins, but she never treated them well. So much abuse. It messed with my cousin’s head. She’s 26 now and a hot mess. No goals, no direction, bad boyfriends. The way they fight… Wow. And I do blame my aunt for most of it. She never knew how not to be so confrontational with her own daughter. It’s almost as if she sees her young self on her and HATES it.

    Kudos on Chelsea for realizing that. We don’t need more unhappy kids in this world. If you know you won’t be a good parent, don’t bring kids into this world.

    • Dani says:

      I have to disagree with you – my mother was rebellious when she was younger (drinking, smoking, getting arrested) but she got her life together, got married and had 3 kids. My sister and I both consider her a best friend and our mother. I had a rebellious streak when I was a teenager, but I grew out of it. I considered and sort of still consider myself a mean girl but that’s not a reflection of who I’d be as a mother, to a girl or to a boy. I’m expecting a girl in 4 months and I think I’ll be a good mother because I have a good relationship with my mom REGARDLESS of what she did before she had me. I see a lot of my mother in myself, and everyone always tells me I’m exactly what she was growing up, but I see how she is now and I’m not worried. I don’t think you can judge someones parenting based on what they were like as kids/young adults.

      • cupcake says:

        Shes talking about if it contiues, like if the parent never stops. Thats awesome that your mom was able to get it together. 🙂

      • Diana says:

        Yeah, I also disagree. My mother was as rebelious as they come. She was a reckless teenager and as a consequence she got pregnant with me. It was a hard experience and she grew up a lot because of it but never lost her rebelious edge and still now she does pretty much what she feels like and doesn’t apologize for it but I could not have asked for a better mother. The good things she saw in her she tried to pass on to me and whatever wrongs she always made sure that I understood it was not for me to emulate those traits. She tried to give me everything she didn’t have when growing up and I’m not talking about money becasue that she had to spare. I guess is matter of each individual and one cannot generalize.

  12. Rena says:

    At least she is honest about not wanting children, which is probably the only positive thought I have ever had about CH.

    Cameron Diaz has expressed similar feelings. I think it is empowering to just put it out there so that subject is off the table.

  13. siobhan says:

    No one should be judged for not wanting children. More people should be this thoughtful about bringing another life into this world.

  14. NM9005 says:

    No lies detected.

  15. mel says:

    No woman should ever have to explain herself for not wanting children. Even though I do think a lot of women regret it when they are older. At least a lot of my friends do.

  16. WendyNerd says:

    I don’t hate Chelsea Handler like so many people here. I was actually a pretty big fan of her a few years ago, and I still like “Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea” and “My Horizontal Life” (“Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang” was a real let down). I got tired of her after a while though and sort of grew out of her and her show. I do find her ridiculous thing with Angelina Jolie to be really annoying and she’s made some jokes that have rubbed me the wrong way, but I don’t hate her. I can still find her funny once in a blue moon. And while people give her crap saying she slept her way to the top, her talk show actually has pulled really good ratings for a non-major network show, ratings that have proven she does owe some of her success (especially her continued success, cancellation of “Are You There, Chelsea? aside) to simply being a good investment for E! She wouldn’t still have her career if the only thing that got her anywhere was sleeping with Ted Harbert, her career would have seriously petered out quite a while ago, especially since they broke up a couple of years ago (I know she had a contract, but you can’t tell me that ComCast couldn’t have found a way around it if the ratings were shit and they CERTAINLY didn’t have to produce the After Lately Spin-off, which is still on the air). I got tired of her schtick after a while and find her annoying, but I don’t loathe her. Also, I do have to give her props with having more female writers on her show than any other Late Night show (almost half the series writers, seven out of sixteen, on her show are women, and that’s definitely a very good thing especially given how women have been so black-balled in the comedy-writing world). She can be a huge asshole, but I can’t hate her for it because she’s at least honest about it. Even though I’m not really a fan anymore, I prefer someone who is at least honest about being a loud, obnoxious drunk who sleeps around than some hypocritical asshole who pretends to have the sun shining out of their ass and just acts the way society tells them to.

    I don’t know, maybe it was because I started watching her when I was in the last couple of years of my Catholic High School where they delighted in slut-shaming and I had to deal with a bunch of kids pretending to be pure little angels and judging me for being honest about disagreeing about the school’s teachings on sex while they secretly partied their asses off on the weekends. Reading about and watching a women speak openly about who she was and what she did on TV with no apologies was awesome for me at the time. I’ve grown out of her schtick since then, but I really don’t get all the hatred. She’s just a loudmouthed comedian who drinks a lot and occasionally says something stupid.

    This is not one of those times and I agree with Kaiser about her talking about not wanting kids. Lately we’ve been hearing tons of rhetoric about the supposed myth of women being able to “have it all” and all we’ve heard about it is from women who either have children or want to. What about women who don’t want to? It’s good that Chelsea is helping to provide that side. There’s such a knee-jerk reaction to judge a woman who says she doesn’t want kids, because apparently any woman who doesn’t want to procreate is an irresponsible, frivolous, dissolute sociopath who cares about no one but themselves. It’s bullshit. Some women just don’t want to, or shouldn’t have kids and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not because there’s something wrong with them, it’s just not the right thing for them. That she’s speaking about this so unapologetically is definitely encouraging. Good for her. This is really the first time in a while I’ve heard Chelsea says something genuinely refreshing and new.

  17. Garvels says:

    Hopefully for the world the drunken tramp won’t procreate.

  18. Runs with Scissors says:

    CH is a poster child for internalized misogyny – thank god she doesn’t have a daughter…or a son.

  19. Az says:

    I wouldn’t trust her to raise a freakin’ guppy, much less a child. That being said, I wish her BFF Aniston were as honest in this regard.

  20. Anne E says:

    I respect any person, especially a woman who admits to not wanting kids / marriage. Some of the greatest people / marriages are those that never had kids and for the most part they are awesome Aunts / Uncles / Godparents. I think he see’s loyalty in her, she may be a lot of things but seems genuinely loyal to friends and family. She seems to have fun and generous with those in her inner circle. I doubt she is as rude and crass in her personal life as she is in her career.

  21. Meg says:

    hang on-she doesn’t want to be friends with a woman who isn’t a ‘girls girl’ like angelina jolie, yet she would hate having a daughter? how does that make any sense?

    • lucy says:

      @Meg, being responsible for raising a human being for the rest of one’s life, being responsible for their welfare, is not even close to being pals with a girlfriend.

  22. EscapedConvent says:

    I’m relieved to hear that there won’t be another person born into the world screwed up beyond repair by way of this vile woman.

  23. lucy says:

    I wish more people would choose not to spawn.

    There’s no shortage of humans on this planet.

    It can be quite selfish to have kids, and shows restraint NOT TO.

    Creating another life is the heaviest decision one could ever enter into and should never be an afterthought or done casually.

    Props to those who don’t just procreate mindlessly or just because their parents want grandchildren.

    I think more people should be asking themselves rigorously “Why have kids?” than just doing it.

  24. lucy says:

    Chelsea runs a show that is the televised version of this blog, so I really don’t get the uptight reactions against her here.

    She mocks celebrities and non-celebrity ninkumpoops and does so with self-depracation, good-natured humor, sarcasm, zingers, wit, and sheer goofiness. Not even Conan, Leno, Rickles, Rivers, Carson, were funny every time.

    • Sal says:

      Lucy maybe you think making racist comments against young children and making sexual slurs against little girls just out of toddlerhood is ‘good-natured’ humor, but I sure as heck don’t and I bet 99.999999% of people don’t, either. Its sick, perverse, evil and wrong on so many levels. That, is NOT humor. That is outright racist abuse and sexual slander/harassment of a child. She isn’t funny, she is simply a vile homophobic racist who will use innocent children to hurt someone. This blog is the antithesis of her show. Quite frankly, I find it very disturbing that any rational human being would even attempt to defend her. Very disturbing indeed. smh 🙁

      • lucy says:

        @Sal, you’ve made some really heavy condemnations without backing them up with examples.

        And if you think CH is homophobic, you don’t seem to have watched her show.

      • Sal says:

        Lucy I would have thought it was self-explanatory. Making racist jokes about Angelina Jolie’s African children is racist. Speculating on her daughter Shiloh’s (a 4 year old CHILD) sexuality just because she dresses as a tomboy is homophobic and disturbing on too many levels. Or weren’t you aware of Handler’s racist and homophobic-bordering on pedophilic comments towards Angelina Jolie’s children? I didn’t think there was a person who didn’t know of Handler’s vile racist and homophobic comments about the JP children.

    • Maggie says:

      @Lucy: agree with your comment

    • EscapedConvent says:

      I don’t hear good-natured humor at all from Chelsea Handler. She’s witty, yes, but she’s mean as a snake.

      She’s on the cusp of becoming a blonde, younger (slightly younger) Don Rickles. Some of the younger commenters here may have to Google him!

    • Chell says:

      Great post, I agree with what you are saying.

      Oprah did a great interview with Chelsea (Oprah’s Next Chapter), I was actually crying. C’mon, if Oprah loves her, she can’t be all that bad, right?!

    • Tasha says:

      She only mocks celebrities that aren’t her friends them she kiss ass. I didn’t know calling someone a C, or saying they abused their kids is good-natured humor?

      I used to watch her show when it first came on and I last two weeks she was not funny, the guest comedies were 10 times funnier then her and all she did was talk over them.

  25. Nev says:

    I love her. She cracks me up.

  26. L says:

    This ho is not funny by a long shot