Jessica Biel in Marchesa for ‘Llewyn’ Cannes premiere: swan-fug or lovely?

Here are the photos from last night’s Cannes premiere of Inside Llewyn Davis, the Coen Brothers’ new film about folk music (sort of). I had forgotten that this film was getting a Cannes premiere, and I bet it was extremely well-received – Cannes loves the Coens. The film stars Carey Mulligan, Justin Timberlake, John Goodman, Garrett Hedlund and the star is Oscar Isaac (as Llewyn Davis). So, obviously, the REAL star is Justin Timberlake. And by that I mean that the real star of the red carpet is JT’s wife Jessica Biel. This is what Biel wore to her first Cannes Film Festival red carpet as Justin’s wife. She wore a terrible Marchesa dress that looks like a swan went through a car wash. I almost feel sympathy for Jessica because of this terrible dress. But then I remember… she had her choice of frocks. She actually wanted to wear this. WHY?! Something nice: I’m glad that we’re no longer staring at those terrible bangs.

Here’s Carey Mulligan in Vionnet (that’s Oscar Isaac beside her). I don’t hate this, and I don’t love it either. It’s like a deconstructed sack dress, right? Totally shapeless. And weird.

Justin Timberlake with Carey… he didn’t walk the carpet with his wife. Because OMG, are we still doing this?! The jig is up. We know you’re married. We saw your stupid People Mag cover for your wedding. Just walk the carpet together. I will give Justin credit for one thing though – his tuxedo is beautiful. He’s one of the most best-dressed men at Cannes.

Kirsten Dunst was there to support her man too. Garrett Hedlund and Kiki didn’t walk the carpet together either, but I’m not as mad at them because they actually do seem to keep their relationship undercover for the most part. Kiki wore Michael van der Ham Fall 2013 and it’s very fug and old-ladyish.

Bonus Christoph Waltz! He’s on the jury this year, that’s why he’s there. I like his frames!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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79 Responses to “Jessica Biel in Marchesa for ‘Llewyn’ Cannes premiere: swan-fug or lovely?”

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  1. Anna says:

    The swan didnt go through the car wash. This is what that snake around Jessica’s neck spit up after eating the swan.

    (Also – SO tired of all the nude and black&white on the red carpet)

  2. Petee says:

    I couldn’t agree more and ditto about those bang’s.They were not flattering at all and she had them at her wedding!!

  3. improve2 says:

    She really needs to stop with cheek and lip fillers. She’s starting to look too plastic. The outfit will work for someone that can werk it!!

    • Mirna says:

      I used to find Jessica SO beautiful and then she jumped on the fillers bandwagon and became generic. Sigh.

      • TG says:

        I think she also became generic when she latched on to the Timberdouche for dear life. Love Lainey’s post today about him being the “star” of the movie. I noticed in all the photos that he really does believe he is the star. He has these grand smiles and gestures trying desperately to emulate Clooney like he is the big shot and so cool and at ease that he can afford to be magnanimous. Ugh I can’t stand this guy.

  4. Baskingshark says:

    Dear Garret Hedlund: black shirt+black tie+black jacket=drug dealer. Especially with that hair.

  5. Athena says:

    I’m getting a Bjork vibe with this dress.

  6. marie says:

    Christoph Waltz is looking pretty good, I’d hit it..

    I don’t hate Jessica’s dress, but I’m not a fan of the necklace. Why is she pushing her butt out, she’s got a fantastic figure but it looks a little silly.

    • V4Real says:

      I don’t hate her either she just seems dull. One thing I do like about Jess is that she has an amazing figure and she hasn’t conformed to that Hollywood standard of stick thin.

      I don’t know why some of these Hollywood actresses thinks that being so skinny that you can shop at the Baby Gap is sexy.

  7. don't kill me i'm french says:

    i love Biel’s dress (a swan inspiration) and her necklace (above all): i want the necklace!!

    pretty dress for Carey

  8. Tessa says:

    OMG, why so much black and white this year? What is going on?

    PS- Marchesa figure skating wear strikes again. Awful.

  9. Damn, Cristoph and Garrett in the same post *swoons*

    Jessica looks awful.

  10. Faye says:

    Biel’s dress is scaring me. It looks as if there is an actual swan underneath the overskirt struggling to break free. And why, oh why does she always have that awful hair at awards ceremonies and formal events? That’s gym hair.

    I think Kristen Dunst looks really cute, and see, she’s smiling! it can be done, Hollywood ladies!

  11. allons-y alonso says:

    I’m only here for my silver fox, Mr. Christoph Waltz.

  12. anonyma says:

    It’s not a swan but it’s rather a duck, this puffed upper lip, bowlegs and protruding ass reminds me a duck.

  13. Liz says:

    That dress is just so dull and the colour is depressing.

  14. Kaboom says:

    Jessica’s dress looks like she’s smuggling geese under her skirt.

  15. siobhan says:

    I want Jessica’s dress. It looks like it would be an awesome pillow.

  16. Apples says:

    We play a game in my office:

    Which Marchesa dress would you wear if you were an actress that needed to kiss up to Harvey but, not embarrass yourself? It’s actually pretty tough so, I’m giving Jessica a pass on this one. She doesn’t look as horrible as she could.

  17. k says:

    jessica biel is a beautiful woman but her fashion sense / style is always off. this dress is ugly! maybe she wanted to impress harvey weinstein by wearing marchesa

  18. Nashville Girl says:

    Why oh why is she wearing a snake around her neck?!

  19. emmie_a says:

    The Marchesa dress is typical fug – and the necklace is total overkill. Lace, feathers, diamonds emeralds — and a snake? Way.too.much.

    And does Jessica’s top lip move? It looks so over-plumped that it’s bigger than her bottom lip.

  20. k says:

    The way she’s posing on the carpet I was going to say Biel is believing her own hype, but then I remembered she doesn’t have any.

  21. janie says:

    The dress.. Not feeling it. Does she have a stylist? Someone needs to help her.

  22. LahdidahBaby says:

    Omiholygoddddd, “swan went thru a carwash”–you win the week on Monday morning, Kaiser! I laughed so loud I honked and my dog had a stroke. It really is bad, that frock, but her face and hair look good. And her body. But why tf would she wear this when she could have anything she wanted?

  23. dahlianoir says:

    No Aishwarya Rai ? T_T

  24. Anna says:

    I hate that I’m here “defending” Justin Timberlake, but I don’t think anyone at Cannes walk the red carpet with their significant other if it’s at their premiere. JT had to walk in with the cast. Now if they decide to go to another premiere tonight and don’t walk the red carpet together, then they’re being ridiculous.

    As ridiculous as the dress is, I do like her hair/makeup and the necklace, Jessica looks beautiful. I love Carey’s look too.

    • sal says:

      Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban.

      • ctkat1 says:

        But Nicole is a jury member. I think @Anna is right: the tradition at Cannes is for the cast to walk the red carpet together, so they only walk with spouses/partners when it isn’t their own movie (or if they’re Brange: Brad Pitt walked the carpet with Jessica Chastain and Sean Penn for ‘Tree of Life’, went up the stairs with them, and then went back down for Angelina because they’re the Brange.)

      • lisa2 says:


        your comment made me remember how much I missed them on a RC.. but really who would stop any Alist couple from walking that RC..

        I like how Justin looks.. but for some reason his jacket looks too short for me. I’m sure that is the way it should fit.. but I would like it a bit longer.

        I really don’t like Jessica’s dress. as many have stated it looks like she sat on a bird and took parts of it with her when she decided to stand up.

        she is pretty. I don’t find her beautiful but to each his own.

  25. jellybird says:

    I would be on board if she said she was a big Arrested Development fan and started doing the chicken dance. That is clearly the inspiration for the dress – Lucille’s chicken dance.
    ah CAWK ah doodle DOO!

  26. gogoGorilla says:

    I don’t mind the dress until you get to the bottom. It would have been pretty with just the overlay, maybe if it was in a color that didn’t look so, well, dirty?

    I like the necklace, but not with the dress.

    None of this surprises me. JB is not exactly a fashionista.

  27. smee says:

    Nude and super pale colors aren’t for everyone. Her stylist should have figured that out by now. It’s not the worst dress, but it’s a bad color for her (and bit too bizzy).

    Carey Mulligan looks unwell.

  28. poppy says:

    marchesa casati (the supposed inspiration for the marchesa line) has rolled over so many times in her grave she has nowhere left to turn.
    herr waltz’s hair seems to indicate cannes is indeed very very humid.

  29. MisJes says:

    I find Justin Timberlake fairly repugnant most days, but my God – what an INCREDIBLE tuxedo. It’s absolutely gorgeous.

  30. TheOriginalKitten says:

    Man, I love Dunst and Hedlund together-one of my favorite couples.

  31. Andrea says:

    If Jessica Biel wasn’t married to Justin Timberlake would anyone care about her anymore? Does she even act anymore?

  32. Sarah says:

    Carey Mulligan will eventually take over the Renee Zellwigger prune face award. Does the girl ever just smile? She always looks miserable and like she is about to break.

  33. diva says:

    Maybe he doesn’t walk the red carpet with her cause she still dressing like a c list star lol. There is no reason that he can dress so well and he can’t find someone to dress her. I still don’t love justin straight hair but he looks very nice in that suit.

  34. Yelly says:

    WHY is he still relaxing his hair?!

  35. Reece says:

    Are you sure that that’s not papier mache and wet plaster of paris instead of swan?
    I’m pretty sure I did that as an art project in 3rd grade.

  36. sal says:

    Is Carey wearing the same shoes that Jennifer Lawrence wore on the red carpet a couple of days ago? Either way, I hated both pairs.

  37. Diana says:

    God! Christoph is looking so damn fine!

    Biel’s dress freaks me out. It looks like those feathers are very much real and a beautiful bird (or more) had to die for the making of that awful dress.

  38. lylaooo says:

    poor Jessica …her husband is getting more movies than her…poor little thing!
    Carey is so boring ! (Sorry)
    i love Christoph Waltz ♥

  39. Bread and Circuses says:

    On another site, I saw a near-silhouette view of Jessica from the waist up and I thought she looked amazing in that dress.

    How disappointed I am to see what was lurking just out of shot.

  40. Lauren Carter says:

    I love me some Christopher Waltz. Ever since I first saw him in Inglurious Basterds he’s had my heart.

  41. Jag says:

    Why do the tops of the dresses she wears always look like they’re about to fall down and expose her? Is she just that long body-wise that they don’t fit correctly, or does she like people almost seeing her bits? I’d like the dress more if it were fitted correctly. But it’s Biel, so no matter.

  42. Mandy says:

    OMG, I was so caught up in how ugly Jessica’s dress was that I didn’t even notice the lack of bangs! I do like her necklace though.

  43. sharylmj says:

    why does Carey Mulligan ALWAYS look pissed off and bored?? Can’t she at least NOT FROWN??? man she bugs the crap out of me!!!

    • jamee draper says:

      I used to think that about Carey Mulligan too but now I think she is a sweet girl who loves to act but isn’t comfortable in the spotlight.Unlike Jessicca Biel who is a terrible actress and loves red carpets and being photographed,I think Carey is just very shy.

  44. Another Ann says:

    I don’t think the words “lovely” and “Marchesa” can be used in the same sentence. It’s an oxymoron.

    Honestly, why do celebs continue to wear those hot mess dresses? Let Marchesa stick to skating costumes and circus outfits.

  45. Denise says:

    Marchesa is overdone hideousness at its very best, and this mess of a dress may just be their crowning glory. Carey Mulligan can do no wrong, and Michael van der Ham is a real hit and miss designer, his clothes can be so cool and just plain dumb in the same collection. Nice going on the choice of boyfriend though, Kiki.

  46. serena says:

    I like Jessica’s dress it’s just the necklace that is overkill.

  47. Aqua says:

    It’s not just the necklace but the shoes as well.They are just WRONG in so many ways.

  48. jamee draper says:

    Jessica is a beautiful woman who gets to sleep with Justin Timberlake every night and shop all day in Paris.It is going to take a little more than an ugly dress to make me feel sorry for her.But I do love her hair and make up, it is a perfect upsweep.

  49. Rux says:

    I love Waltz, love him, love him love him!

  50. Buffoon says:

    Looks like she’s trying to smuggle in some chickens for some reason. I guess she needs her hens with her at all times.

  51. TJ says:

    Her husband needs to bring Sexy Back and give it to his wife.

  52. Snowbunny says:

    After reading all the comments on Biel’s dress, I scrolled back up for a second look. It actually looks like the pink insulation foam you shoot in between window frames and walls. After filling the crack, the pink foam expands and dries providing insulation. Looks like they shot a couple of tubes up her dress.

    Is it some kind of hazing to be accepted into Hollywood – must wear an Marchesa dress on the red carpet – why on earth would anyone wear one of these ugly things.

  53. Ladybug says:

    I think I’m the only one in the universe (well, the universe of Celebitchy) who loves Jessica’s dress. I know, lock me up, right? I wish it fitted her a bit better though – it makes her look a bit flat and droopy – chested.

    The necklace bugs and, um, did they forget the earrings?

    I think she’s beautiful and would give my right arm to look like her.

  54. NeoCleo says:

    Mulligan in all these photos looks like she is gritting her teeth and saying “Sh*t, Sh*t, Sh*t!”

    What the H?