Everything you ever wanted to know about John Cleese naked

john cleese

Have you ever wondered what 69-year-old Monty Python alum John Cleese looks like naked? Yeah, neither had I. But now I can’t get these images out of my head, so I’m bringing them to you. The three-times divorced Cleese has a new girlfriend, and she’s a talker. She gave an interview to Britain’s Mirror, and the 27-year-old named “Barbie” had a lot to say about Cleese body and his… wang. And yes, she’s 27. And he’s 69. No fool like an old fool, as the saying goes. Cleese had gotten hairplugs and new teeth to begin dating after his last divorce, and Barbie was surprised by how great his legs, arms and “package” looked

Funnyman John Cleese’s new girlfriend says he’s got new hair, new teeth and downs a daily cocktail of vitamins just to keep up with her. Blonde Barbie Orr – just 27 to Cleese’s 69 – insists she’s fallen head over heels for the three-times wed Fawlty Towers and Monty Python star – but calls him “Fossil”.

Despite the huge age gap, she also says the pair share a passionate love life. Cleese, now based in America, met comedienne Barbie in October when she auditioned for a part in a movie. At the time he was divorcing his third wife Alyce Faye Eichelberger.

Barbie – a vegan who lives close to Cleese in a Californian mountain ranch – says: “I knew John from the Fawlty Towers DVDs. And when I saw there was a chance to act with him I jumped at it. I made him laugh and afterwards he came over to sit next to me. I said, ‘You were interested in me because of how funny I was?’”

“And he said, ‘No, actually I first noticed that you had a perfect arse, and then I noticed your great waist’. He asked me for my card – for professional reasons I thought at the time. But then he started calling me a lot and it turns out he had gone to my web page and seen me in a bikini. He told me he had fallen in love immediately.”

…Barbie she is keen to point out that although Cleese is a “great kisser” they didn’t sleep together until their third date – as she was worried about how much she really did fancy him. She says: “I kept picturing him naked. I wondered what someone that old looks like and would I actually sleep with them? For his birthday I was thinking about buying him a zimmer frame!”

But, to her surprise, when they slept together, she discovered Cleese was athletic in the bedroom with the “package of a 19-year-old”.

She says: “The first time I knew we were going to do it, I was acting like a total jerk. I turned up at his place in glasses and acting really nerdy. He was going to New York the next day for two months and I thought if he has a piece of this it will seal the deal – and I’m sorry, but it did.”

Barbie added of their first night together: “I can’t get into what he really looks like naked, but for an old guy, you know, they’re normally saggy down there, but he really has a nice package. He takes a lot of vitamin supplements and eats really well and he works out. His arms are really muscular and he still has amazing legs.”

“He’s had his teeth all redone and he recently got hair plugs (transplants from other parts of the body) to cover the bald patches at the front. He’s getting back on the market again so he’s got to get himself in shape. And he is very romantic. He bought me a little white porcelain mouse to match his nickname for me. And he also bought me earrings that look like eyeballs with eyelashes that move up and down!”

As to the future, she says they are taking their three-month relationship slowly as his heart is still “sore” after his divorce to Alyce, 64, his wife of 15 years, who he has to pay almost £1million a year in maintenance.

And she joked: “At his age, how much of a commitment can it really be? I won’t have to break up with him and break his heart. I just have to go to his funeral!”

[From The Mirror]

There are so many things wrong with all of this, I don’t know where to begin. First, I doubt Cleese is at all pleased that Barbie is mouthing off all of these personal details to the press. So even if he loves her 27-year-old ass, he’ll probably dump her. Second, I normally don’t get too worked up over age differences, probably because I’ve always had a thing for older men. But not that old. When it starts getting into a four-decade difference, it’s time for contemplation about life’s lessons. Third and final point – congrats to Cleese for not being “saggy” down there.

Here’s John in Park City for Sundance this weekend. Images thanks to WENN and Bauer-Griffin.

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14 Responses to “Everything you ever wanted to know about John Cleese naked”

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  1. jess says:

    umm…that bit about the funeral was in very bad taste. i hope he dumps her.

  2. AnnaClaire says:

    No kidding, what an ungrateful little mouthpiece! Or at the very least a very unwise businesswoman. Doesn’t she know that a good ho keeps her mouth shut about the customers if she wants to stay in business?

  3. Diva says:

    I’m sure she thinks she’s being funny, she is supposed to be a comedienne.

  4. Syko says:

    Even with my well-documented interest in men’s packages, I have to admit I never have had the slightest curiosity about John Cleese’s. I’m not surprised it’s not saggy, though, they have pills for that now.

    The funeral bit was too much. Even at 69, if he’s taking care of himself, he could easily have 20-25 years left. And being 27 doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be alive tomorrow. Dumb bitch.

  5. Diva says:

    lol @ well-documented interest.

    I may have been interested in a glimpse of Cleese’s package as it was 30 years ago. I have a bit of a going-back-in-time Cleese-crush. Cleese in the 60s, Kris Kristoferson in the 70s – my two time travel crushes.

  6. Mairead says:

    re the mental image of John Cleese’s sagginess…. DO NOT WANT!!!

    After reading the interview I’m thinking the ex-wife deserves every penny she’s getting – between eye-ball earrings and perfect arses he’s been made to sound really skeevy and with really shite taste. It’s not alimony – it’s danger-money!!!

    Oh, and she’s as funny as f*cking typhoid fever.

  7. Zoe says:

    @AnnaClaire: “Doesn’t she know that a good ho keeps her mouth shut about the customers if she wants to stay in business?”

    God, so true. What a piece of crap.

    and BTW, eewwwwwww.

  8. Kaiser says:

    Syko, amen. I’m curious about nearly every guy… but not Cleese. Michael Palin, yes.

  9. Sarah says:

    Gosh, I got physically sick while reading this. I am this close to throwing up!!! And besides knowing now that Cleese, a man I adored till a minute ago, is not “saggy down there”, I am especially shocked by her final line. What a bitch!!!

    I hope Cleese will wise up soon.

  10. anastasiabeaverhausen says:

    Um, yikes. My God, why doesn’t she also give his dental x-rays to the media so they can have even MORE detail? Also, I’d like to know what his butthole looks like and she LEFT THAT BIT OF INFORMATION OUT.

    Good Lord. I don’t know anyone who would be happy about this. Hair plugs, getting his teeth re-done, taking vitamins, I mean does she realize men can get embarrassed, too? I felt embarrassed for him just reading that.

  11. RAN says:

    First impression of this story: Oh.My.Gawd!

  12. texasmom says:

    Interesting that she is so very knowledgeable about elderly men’s packages. . .

  13. gia says:

    she is a comedienne! I am sure this is her attempt at trying to be funny. He is a comedic actor, I sure they are on the same page…Maybe he had a scrotal tuck or something…then again she probably would have mentioned that.