Madonna converts Jesus (Luz) to Kabbalah

So Madonna has pretty much dumped steroid-pumping Alex Rodriguez for 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz. Madge has made a handful of semi-public appearances with the drop-dead gorgeous model, whom she met at a photo-shoot for W Magazine. A-Rod is said to be so distraught he turned to the wife he spurned for Madonna and had a fling in the Bahamas with two women who were making out in front of him at a bar.

Now there’s further evidence that Madonna and Jesus Luz are for real. Jesus is pulling the same Kabbalah-conversion stuff that Guy Ritchie and A-Rod were forced to go through to get into the Madge Vadge Motel. Jesus Luz confirmed on his website that he’s joined the religion (or “religion”), spurning the Catholicism he was raised with. But how, you may ask, will he be able to afford the $50 Kabbalah water? Perhaps Madge is picking up the tab for her new lover. The Daily Mirror has more:

Jesus comforted Madonna in her hour of need… and now she’s made him rethink his entire faith.

In a miraculous about-turn, Brazilian model Jesus Luz has switched to Madge’s mysterious Kabbalah faith – despite being a strict Catholic. So smitten with the Material Girl is the 22-year-old hunk, he’s joined an online community for Kabbalah believers.

Jesus – recently seen cavorting semi-naked with Madge in a W magazine spread – has updated his website, informing “friends” about the move. Says our source: “Jesus’s family are very traditional and quite religious so this news is sure to come as something of a shock.

“But Jesus is totally taken with Madonna and is slightly in awe of her. Quite simply he can’t get enough, and finds her utterly compelling and bewitching.”

“The pair have spent a lot of time together in recent weeks and Madonna’s chatted quite freely about her personal beliefs – especially Kabbalah.” Madge has obviously made quite an impression on the boy from Brazil. He has taken a real interest in it and started making a few online enquiries into the faith,” our source goes on.

“He has joined an online Kabbalah group and is keen to become an active member. Madonna has also offered to take him to the Kabbalah centre in New York and he is exceedingly keen to take her up on that.”

Since splitting with Guy Ritchie last year, Madge has been linked to baseball star A-Rod and now Jesus who, at 22, is 28 years her junior. Jesus’s newfound spiritual interest will raise a few eyebrows back in his native homeland – Kabbalah is not big in Brazil. But Jesus claims not to worry about that.

In his online profile, Jesus writes: “It is not important what others think about us. The most important thing is to have a clear conscience, even if I am condemned. We can not forget that Jesus was condemned.”

From The Daily Mirror

Oh, sweet Jesus. Can you still have a martyr complex when you’re a Kabbalah-following douche named Jesus? I do feel bad for the kid – and truly, he is a kid. Madonna knew exactly what she was doing when she sunk her claws into this hottie. At this point, he probably doesn’t even know which end is up.

I’m giving some begrudging respect to Madonna, though. I have absolutely no idea how she got A-Rod to so publicly humiliate himself and his wife all to have a little time in the Madge Vadge Motel. I have no idea what a 22-year-old hottie would see in The Gristle, except for maybe a naive belief that it might be cool for a little while. What hidden talents does this woman have? How can I get them?

Madonna and Jesus are shown out together in NY on 2/1/09. Credit: SplashNews

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

15 Responses to “Madonna converts Jesus (Luz) to Kabbalah”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. kiki says:

    it always amuses me that women who where notoorious whores in their younger years turn to religion in their older years..
    not that Madonna changed her whorey ways..
    waiting for the religious meltdown just like Tom Cruise had a while ago.

  2. mamalama says:

    Converted in the span of like a day?! Yeah, that’s SURE to last. Any bets on how long Jesus’ stay at the MV motel will be?

  3. kiki says:

    by the way that there Jesus is totally gay
    he is just $ benefiting $$$ from the exposure Mad is giving him.

  4. Roma says:

    Kaiser, Madge Vadge Motel is the funniest comment of the day.

  5. bros says:

    something tells me his catholicism will win out in the end….

  6. Lizzy says:

    Kaiser, all you needs are millions upon millions of dollars and the ability to jump start an international career and you can get all the hot, young men you want! 🙂

  7. sissoucat says:

    Kaiser: listen to Lizzy !

    Besides, these Madonna dating stories are here to make us feel like Madonna has something extra – so we’re willing to give her more dough by buying what she has to sell.

    I hope she pays him well enough. I don’t think he’s that expensive, though. Don’t know if bedding her is part of his contract, I hope for him it’s not.

  8. geronimo says:

    😆 @ Madge Vadge Motel!

    ‘Conversion’ here probably means he’s wearing a bit of red string round his wrist and has temporarily swopped his evian for kabbalah water.

  9. Orangejulius says:

    I want to see him without those damned glasses!

  10. kate says:

    that’s our madge – converting men to kabbalah with her cooter.

  11. Melville Clark says:

    Does anyone remember the Terry Gross interview with Madonna? She asserted that Kabbalah had NOTHING to do with Judaism. Maybe the Kabbalah Center has nothing to do with Judaism, but Madonna’s comment just confirms it: shrewd and smart are not the same thing.

  12. Codzilla says:

    Kaiser: Love the headline — priceless.

  13. DLR in Canada says:

    LOL. Madonna is whacked. She’s the female version of Michael Jackson. Won’t be long before she goes whacko for real and starts jumping on sofas and swinging from chandlies like Tom Cruise did. What’s up with this “recruiting” for Kabbalah? Whatever happened to just letting someone be themselves, and not forcing them to be like you? Ya know? 🙂

  14. Trashaddict says:

    What a great set-up Madge has got. Lots of money, enough residual fame to attract men who are at that young and stupid, puppydog age. Enjoy it while it lasts, honey.

  15. RJ says:

    Idiot. Jesus was study Kabbalah BEFORE he met Madonna. Get your facts straight. Oh, and haters, get over yourselves. You are no better than her, we are all only human in the end.