AnnaLynne McCord’s rapist told her ‘what we had that night was beautiful’

CAST's 16th Annual From Slavery to Freedom Gala
I just finished reading actress AnnaLynne McCord’s essay in Cosmopolitan and I’m crying. Her story was matter-of-fact, it was raw and it was incredibly powerful. McCord, 26, has previously spoken in general terms about being abused. In 2011, at an event for the Somaly Mam foundation, Annalynne said that the “innocence of my mind was stolen as a child.” Annalynne has worked with the The Somaly Mam foundation, dedicated to rescuing victims of sex slavery, for years. In Cosmopolitan, AnnaLynne described what she went through, explaining that she was physically abused as a child by a religious father and raped by a man at 18 whom she considered a friend. I was so impressed by how AnnaLynne told her story. I feel like I know her, like she’s a friend who confided in me. Here are some excerpts from her story, but I recommend that you read it in its entirety.

On her strict, abusive upbringing
I grew up in an extremely religious and conservative family in Georgia, mostly in the small city of Monroe, near Atlanta. My dad was a nondenominational Christian pastor. My mom homeschooled my two sisters and me. My sisters and I rarely got to watch TV, mainly just old episodes of Little House on the Prairie. We could never watch anything like Harry Potter because it had witches in it. We never talked about sex. We weren’t even supposed to kiss until we got married. It was like we were living in 1902.

My parents believed in strict “discipline,” as they called it — I would call it abuse. The punishments were painful and ritualistic. We would have to bend over the bed, sometimes with our pants down, arms outstretched, and get spanked — with a ruler in our younger years and later with a paddle that my parents bought when they thought the ruler wasn’t strong enough.

I found it all very confusing. I knew my mom and dad loved me, and I loved them too. I still do. My dad always told me I could be anything I wanted to be. But at the same time, my parents hurt me, which told me they hated me. I know they were doing what they thought was right to discipline their kids. But it really messed me up. One day, I would suffer a punishment, and the next, my family would have a lovely day at the beach and I would tell myself, Maybe it’s not so bad.

On being raped
When I was 18, I moved to Los Angeles to audition for roles. My boyfriend planned to come later. One night, a guy friend called. He said he needed a good night’s sleep for a meeting, as he’d been crashing on someone’s couch. I had known him for some time, so I said to come over and I set him up with a clean towel. We sat on the bed and talked for a while, then I fell asleep. When I woke up, he was inside me.

At first, I felt so disoriented and numb, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I wondered if I had done something to give him the wrong idea. I felt afraid of making him angry. Believe it or not, I didn’t want to offend him. I just wanted it to be over. My childhood had come back to haunt me again: Because of the physical abuse, I didn’t believe there were borders between other people’s bodies and my own. I didn’t believe I had a voice.

And then, suddenly, my thoughts took a practical turn: I could get an STD. I could get pregnant. I have a boyfriend. I said, “Please, don’t!” He stopped and went in the bathroom and finished. I lay there and stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night, frozen. At dawn, I wrote a note to him and left. I sat outside in a car and waited for him to leave. When he did, I went back inside, took a shower, and pretended it hadn’t happened.

How her attacker denied raping her
I didn’t tell anyone other than asking a friend if I should worry about getting pregnant if a man pulled out during sex. I went to an audition, then to dinner with friends. I acted strong — fake strong. Over the next few months, I began to go dark. My friends would invite me to events where the guy would be, and I would stay away. Then one night, I did go to a club with friends, and I saw him there. We made eye contact and I felt like throwing up. I turned and ran, sprinting into traffic.

Around this time, I landed a role on Nip/Tuck. My character, Eden, was confident, sexy, audacious. But privately, I was reeling. I would drive to a secluded place, park underneath a tree, and write dark poetry on my arm, then slice myself with a massively sharp knife, rubbing in the blood.

And then my attacker confronted me. We were at a club, and he cornered me, wanting to talk. I said, “You know what happened.” He said, “What are you saying? What we had that night was beautiful.”

My boyfriend came around the corner, and I got away. Later, a male friend told me my attacker was going around claiming I was in love with him. Finally, something in me snapped. “He raped me!” I said.

My friend’s reaction surprised me: He was so angry. I realized I was allowed to feel angry too. I told another friend, and she burst into tears. Again, I thought, I’m allowed to feel like this. I told my boyfriend. I told my older sister, Angel. It was another step. But it would take an outright breakdown to truly turn things around.

On her charity work
I met a woman named Somaly Mam, who rescues girls from sexual slavery in Southeast Asia. The girls are kidnapped or sold as young as ages 4 and 5. They live in grimy brothels where they are raped every day. At one of Somaly’s shelters in Cambodia, I met dozens of young survivors. They became my friends, my sisters. Through helping them heal, I began to heal myself.

[From Cosmopolitan]

That story of her assaulter re-writing history and trying to turn his rape of her into some tender moment is chilling. He violated her while she was sleeping! It just makes me so mad for her.

AnnaLynne also wrote about considering suicide and how that was a turning point for her, and how her role on 90210, as a rape victim, helped her heal. She’s been in a relationship with Dominic Purcell, of Prison Break, for over three years. She wrote that “I have wonderful, mind-blowing sex with my man, and it no longer causes me guilt or shame.”

I feel for AnnaLynne and for all that she went through. I also admire how she dealt with her awful, sad past, by working with other victims. This was the most moving celebrity essay I’ve read in a long time.

CAST's 16th Annual From Slavery to Freedom Gala

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AnnaLynne McCord and Dominic Purcell

AnnaLynne McCord is shown at a charity event for CAST, the Coalition to Abolish Slavery and Trafficking, on 5-9-14. She’s shown with Dominic Purcell in 2011 and 2012. Credit: WENN.com

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78 Responses to “AnnaLynne McCord’s rapist told her ‘what we had that night was beautiful’”

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  1. GiGi says:

    We’re just now bingewatching Prison Break (so good!) and literally just yesterday found out that she was dating Dominic Purcell. Bravo to her for finding her voice, especially in LaLa Land where it pays to keep quiet. I’ve always liked her and her willingness to just be real. Remember that pic of her without makeup? She seems really grounded – I wish her all the success and happiness in life!

    • MorticiansDoItDeader says:

      Have you seen Excision? It’s art house horror and she is amazing in it. After speaking up about this, I’m now impressed with her as a person as well.I hope she’s able to land some meaty roles that showcase her awesome acting chops, and achieve great success.

      • GiGi says:

        Oooh! Thanks for the recommend! I’ll have to watch it. (meant to reply earlier but I was on some weird wifi and none of my comments would post)

    • Liv says:

      I’m so glad that I never had something like that happen to me. How awful! At the age of 18! You are still such a kid at that age. Also I would never let my child go to LA at the age of 18. I know it can happen in every town, but still….

  2. launicaangelina says:

    Wow… I’m speechless. I’ve been a fan of hers since Nip/Tuck. She’s an amazing person for what’s she’s doing to help others.

  3. Dani2 says:

    I want to hug this girl so bad, I can’t even imagine what she’s gone through, I feel like the timing of her revealing is really good because it’s adding to the ongoing conversation and men and how they feel entitled to women’s bodies (an issue recently highlighted by the creepy vengeance video left by the UCSB shooter) her friend had absolutely no right to touch her in any way, and there was nothing “beautiful” about what he did.
    I’m so sorry about what happened to her and I hope that this gets talked about a lot more and that people understand that it’s not your right to have sex with someone and that if she didn’t give any consent, if you just took what you wanted, then it was rape.

    • Rhea says:

      Yes to everything you said here. I feel ill reading what that disgusting man said to her. I wish her the best and I hope that guy would get his karma somehow!

      • blue marie says:

        + 1, her strength is amazing.

      • THeOriginalKitten says:

        +2.

        Always liked her for all the charity work she does for sex abuse victims. She’s not some Big Star but she puts a lot more time and money into charitable organizations than many other celebs do.

        She’s a very brave young woman.

  4. T.fanty says:

    That’s amazing. I have so much respect for her strength and dedication to her cause. I hope she inspires others to find their voices.

  5. Lark says:

    I really respect AnnaLynne for this essay. Strong woman.

    • Froggy says:

      Same. I’m in tears reading it. I was raped when I was 20. Even though it’s been 20 years, I still think about it every day. I hate that I can’t get past it.

      • bellyache says:

        My heart goes out to you, Froggy :( I hope one day you will heal too. Lots of love from me *hugs*.

      • mommak918 says:

        Right there with you, froggy. Raped at 21 and I still have issues being intimate with my husband. I wish I could get past it but it haunts me nearly daily. Still have never told close friends or family.

      • paranormalgirl says:

        Rape is something you never really get past. What I have found works for some of my patients is to visualize taking that experience, putting it into a little compartment and and locking it. You make sure to keep the key because someday you may need to call on that experience, but you don’t need it every day. Whether you believe it or not, you have gained strength and knowledge from that experience. THAT’S what you need to remember, that’s what you need to keep you whole. But the memory of the rape itself – you don’t need that anymore, so put it away someplace safe. You guys are survivors and have battle scars, but they don’t and shouldn’t define you. Hang in there. Hugs from this cold-hearted clinician :)

      • salamanca says:

        I was drawn into bushes and forced to do oral and raped at 14. Yesterday I had my 32 birthday, but I have never had real relationship with a man, since rape had sex just one time and I’m started to think, I’ll be alone forever. *sob*

  6. lucy2 says:

    I give her a lot of credit for being open about this, sharing it so eloquently, and showing how helping others can help you with your own pain too.
    It’s so disturbing that the guy who did this didn’t understand why it was wrong. I hope her being public about it makes him and others realize it.

  7. Mrs. Darcy says:

    Her strength comes through in her writing voice as well as her acting, I have always liked her and now I really respect her incredible strength as well. By sharing her story she will no doubt help so many young women. I had a good friend have almost this exact same thing happen, the guy was a trusted person in her home, and sadly he got away with it despite her reporting him and him facing charges. Rape is the hardest crime to convict on, it is infuriating to me. Hopefully AnnaLynn sharing her story and working for the cause of sex slavery and abuse will help, but sadly in our own backyard a lot of work has to be done. The blatant crimes of kidnapping and slavery are recognized as clearly wrong in the Western world, and I am glad the world is stepping up, but rape by someone you know is still a horrific problem that goes unpunished most of the time. Analynn’s story is important because it shows how someone who seems to have everything can become decimated by this evil and feel in the wrong even when they have people who love them. I am glad she has found true happiness and hope her story is a help to others facing this.

  8. qwerty says:

    I really like this girl. She’s great.

    Re: the rape in your sleep thing, it reminded me of that horrid scene from Californication where the bald guy (Runkle) puts a stocking on his head, goes into his bedroom where his wife is sleeping and puts his d*ck inside her, then she wakes up and is like wtf are you doing? I guess some idiot thought it was funny but how it got past all the writers, producers and on TV…I don;t know.

    • Today Im anonymous says:

      Idk how that seems funny to anyone. The idea that you can just take over another persons body becuase they aren’t in a position to say no is disgusting: I was seeing a guy, we hadnt really spent a whole lot of real time together but I was into him. One night I was out with friends, got wasted and called him. I went over his house and we cuddled up to a movie and I passed out at some point. I woke up to the sensation of him trying to enter me. I kept passing out and waking up to this pain (because I wasnt aroused) and he kept right on doing what he was doing (totally sober). I was so confused I didnt say anything, just at some point he told me to put my panties on, and I did. That morning, I told him I was uncomfortable about what happened because I hadnt intended to sleep with him so soon. It would have been a bit less f’ed up if he said “I understand,” but he was automatically defensive and said “you wanted it.” I was out of there so quick. Its really confusing to like someone who violates you; I’ve had drunk sex before and it took me a while to realize that he was a freaking creep. I have a daughter as well, and I felt if he crossed a line with me he was totally capable of crossing a line with her. I never spoke to him again, but it;s crazy how some men will blame women for their disgusting actions.

      • qwerty says:

        Sorry that happened to you, what a creep. If you were at least both drunk and awake but a sober guy violating a drunk girl, ugh, these are the worst. You HAVE to be fckued up to be into that.

      • Kimmy says:

        Something very similar happened to me my first year of college. I had gotten into a fight with a guy I was seeing and was very upset. I had gone to a party with friends that night to forget about it and somehow a guy friend came back to the dorms with me. I just remember being very drunk and crying pretty hard about the earlier fight with my boyfriend. Next thing I know this “friend” is on top of me…as I’m bawling my eyes out. I only remember flashes of what happened, but I know he had sex with me. This is someone I had to see semi-regularly at school and other functions, so I did my best to avoid him. I felt very guilty and uncomfortable for quite some time. I kept thinking “well, maybe I led him on or asked for it somehow”, but finally (after years of thinking about it) I realized that what he did was not consensual. It wasn’t the first time id gotten drunk and hooked up with someone, but this was something entirely different.

      • Naye in VA says:

        @Kimmy That’s the problem. I’m someone who tries to be responsible for her actions, so it’s hard for me to not knee-jerkedly say “I shouldnt have gone to his house drunk, he probably thought that’s what was going down anyway.” And while that’s a good notion to have BEFORE, it doesnt count after. What he did was wrong, and he tried to absolve himself of the guilt by pointing out my poor decision. It too took me a while. I stopped talking to him just because of the way he behaved the next morning, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that what he did was rape, and I was better without a creep like that in my life.

      • Rae says:

        I’m crying for all of you. I was molested at a very young age. Young enough so the memories are dulled and faded, but the shame remains. I can tell myself I have nothing to be ashamed of, and yet…

        This is why I hate when I hear people saying things like “no means no.” It’s what boys and men are taught with reference to rape. Which still places the burden on women to say no when a man touches them inappropriately. Forget “no means no.” How about only YES means yes. A yes issued when I am sober and lucid and in control of my faculties. Then and ONLY then does anyone have the right to touch me in anyway.

  9. Adrien says:

    Yeah, she’s courageous. It’s a little off that the Somaly Mam foundation is under fire after its head admitted to lying about some of the girls’ stories of abuse. She eventually resigned. Also, Cosmo. I hope those things won’t diminish her story’s importance.

  10. Tulip says:

    She’s a very strong person not only to speak up about this, but also to continue to live day by day after such a horrible crime. Rape messes up a person like no other violence can. To those out there who’ve been in worse situations than this actress, I hope you don’t get distanced at her story as a “you don’t know how bad it can be” . I hope that it is understood that one account of rape is abhorrent and one too many , and that you would have the support of all the commenters here and more. This whole article highlights how alive and well misogyny is today and how it needs constant vigilance.

    I mention this because sometimes these articles can alienate, instead of inspire and it’s an aspect to consider, since it thwarts people from getting help or speaking up.

    Other random thoughts: 1)How can men treat women like crap, have a whole society where women are treated like crap and then think that their own daughters will some how be exempt? 2) While raising children (especially girls) to be not just respectful, but submissive is easier in the short term, it does the kid a HUGE disservice for the rest of their life. 3) Rape in prison happens so much as to be a cliche in a movie. My point being that men have so much to gain by eliminating the rape culture that is everywhere in our society. It’s not just a “girl” thing.

    I’m off to calm down now.

    • THeOriginalKitten says:

      Re: your last paragraph: these are all topics that have been at the forefront of our collective conscious after the UC Santa Barbara tragedy.

      Men having this sense of entitlement when it comes to women’s bodies—It’s just NOT OK and we just have SO far to go…to the point where I’m not sure things will ever change. It’s incredibly disheartening and upsetting to think about, for sure.

      • Tiffany :) says:

        I can’t stop thinking about and reading the #YesAllWomen tweets. By reading all of these tweets that I identify with, it really drives home how much I/we have experienced that we just swept under the rug because it is the norm. It makes me want to DO something about it.

    • qwerty says:

      “1)How can men treat women like crap, have a whole society where women are treated like crap and then think that their own daughters will some how be exempt?”

      Madonna/whore dichotomy & just world fallacy.

    • littlestar says:

      I was having a bad morning, after reading two articles on the CBC. One about the pregnant woman who was stoned to death in Pakistan as an “honour killing” (coward killing is more like it), and the other about the two teen girls in India who were raped, murdered, and had then their bodies were hung from trees (one mother tried to report it and the rapists families almost beat her to death). I felt sick and hopeless after reading those articles. The older I get, the more and more I realize how shitty the world is for women. Bravo to Annalynne for having the strength and courage to tell us her story. I am very curious what her relationship is like with her parents today.

  11. TheOriginalPuppy says:

    Good on her.

  12. Gwen says:

    She’s very brave telling her story. The rapist is an exellent example of rapeculture. Makes me feel sick that it has literally no consequences for so many men to treat women like this and so often the victims ends up getting blamed. Both by society and by themselves. I hope her essay can help open more eyes to this injustice.

    • blinditemreader says:

      :(

    • Denise says:

      Oh dear. Well, at least the people involved in doing the work have done incredible things and will continue to change lives. Charitable ventures can attract these types of attention-seeking people, look at Heather Mills.

    • Lola says:

      So very glad to see this. It has been going on for years, and nobody dared to talk about it.

  13. I Choose Me says:

    Oh man. I have so many feelings so many things I want to say but can’t seem to articulate. What her rapist said to her is chilling and appalling. I know too many women with similar stories. It’s heartbreaking.

    I’m happy she’s healed. I’m happy she’s found her voice and has done what she can to help survivors of sexual slavery. I have such admiration for her right now.

  14. eve says:

    Men can be disgusting,..
    This morning while I was walking to work a normal looking guy turned around on the sidewalk and said : excuse me, you really have a nice ass. I’m like…: heh ok
    then he said: I would fuck you in the ass
    I was so shocked! How dare could he say that as if it was nothing!!
    I walked away feeling disgusted. If this little comment can disturbe like that, I can’t even imagine how a rape would traumatized you.

    • Tulip says:

      Wow. That comment is a “hit and run” comment, there’s no way to respond to that remark!( well, there is, but who can think of anything witty or powerful at a moment like that?). That guy is just…off. And stupid. I hope the rest of your day is better.

      • eve says:

        Thanks Tulip
        I came on Celebitchy to change my mind and fell on this article…
        Anyway, no harm (real harm) was done.

    • Tiffany :) says:

      Sigh. This is what women deal with daily that men don’t understand.

      By saying those things, I believe he wasn’t trying to pick you up or turn you on, he was trying to make you feel uncomfortable and dominate you. Truly disturbing. There are so many guys who appear “nice” on the outside, but who are twisted on the inside. There are many great men in my life, but I think a lot of men don’t realize how many of their friends are creeps. I think the “stranger danger” type of dark and shadowy character is what men think of when they think of rapists and harassers. The truth is, many pass for “nice guys” on a daily basis.

      • eve says:

        Exactly!!!
        That was the most disturbing part of it!
        I know we shouldn’t judge on appearances, but he looked like a polite dude, wearing nice clean clothes etc… I couldn’t believe it!

      • paranormalgirl says:

        Absolutely, Tiffany. He was attempting to assert his dominance over eve. He didn’t care who she was, just that he could create a level of discomfort that gave him the upper hand. Jackass (the guy, that is.)

      • Namaat says:

        Exactly. Though I think the shadowy guy is also how a lot of women picture a rapist. I certainly did, as a kid and teenager, and it took me a lot of time to learn my lesson. Even being (repeatedly) raped by an acquaintance wasn’t enough to open my eyes. This “nice man” vs rapist belief confused me, but instead of concluding that obviously my belief had been proved wrong and “nice men” could also be rapists, I went with something like “he’s a “nice man”, rapists are bad men, so this can’t be rape”.

        What’s messed up is the “accepted nuances” of sexism and sexual harassment. Only very sick individuals are applauding the recent St Barbara rampage (their existence makes me furious), and a few more are agreeing with the hateful manifesto (same). But the “mainstream reaction” is to condemn it. It’s to respond #NotAllMen to #YesAllWomen, which is so popular it should be renamed #OnlyAFewSickosActually. But saying one (man or woman) is not and never has been sexist is probably the worst one can do on that issue. It’s putting a veil on the “tolerated acts of sexism”. It’s refusing to even consider that some long-time or recent past actions/thoughts could have been pure sexism. Not being sexist takes some reflexion, it takes putting distance on some beliefs that are engraved in us since babyhood. It’s a bit sad, but in our society, with our history, not being sexist is not the natural state, it’s an enlightened, educated, acquired one. It takes taking the blame when it’s due, and thinking how to become better. #NotAllMen sounds like brushing things off, sounds like sexism is in (YesAll)women’s imagination.

        Likewise for sexual harassment and agression. I doubt most rapists are self-aware. They certainly are some, who get off on physically and sexually submitting an unwilling victim. But I really think most would (candidly and not just by fear of legal repercussions) not call/see it (as) rape, as did AnnaLynne rapist. Because a lot of “minor” daily harassment is tolerated while rape is exagerated and dramatised. The scale to determine what is okay and what is not is messed up.

    • Irene says:

      The only proper response to that is “I would cut off your penis. Sounds like fun? I’ll go first.” Assault with words is still assault. Unbelievable that people think this is ok.

  15. nicegirl says:

    Thank you, AnnaLynne. You are WONDERFUL, smart, and strong.

  16. Becki says:

    Oh my word, this girl!! I’m heartbroken by her story & impressed with her strength to share it. I love that she’s dating Dominic Purcell, I LOVED Prison Break!!

  17. Chris says:

    I am so repulsed by what her parents did to her. They should do jail time.

    • melior says:

      Right? I was shocked by their ‘methods’ as well. It’s not the first time a come across an example of homeschooling in a Christian environment. Is this believed to be beneficial? How do the kids get a degree? Does this hurt their job prospects? Personally, I tend to see it as a method to control kids and not expose them to other ways of living. I don’t see how that can be beneficial in the long run.

  18. Jane says:

    It’s really unfortunate that so many rapes go unreported and unpunished. Men think they can just do what they want to women to fulfill their own selfish needs. It’s like we owe them sex. We don’t owe them anything and what they are doing is not ok.
    Good on AnnaLynne for telling her story. This topic needs to get out there. I find there is a lot of objectification of women in the media (magazines, television, movies) it’s disturbing. It’s sending the wrong message to men. This needs to change.

  19. Eleonor says:

    there’s a terrific theatrical piece written by Franca Rame (Dario Fo’s wife) about her rape, and this line ” I just wanted it to be over” has remind me of it.
    I am glad she has find the way to overcome this, and doing something to help other women.

  20. Asiyah says:

    I was almost raped by a male friend. All I kept thinking was, “I can’t. He’s too big to fight off. I just want it to be over.” Then I said something to him, and I guess he snapped out of it, because he got off me and didn’t end up raping me. I thank God every day for that. And even though I didn’t end up being raped, that still affected me and traumatized me. Five years later and I still feel guilty and ashamed. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for a rape victim. My heart goes out to AnnaLynne and all rape victims.

  21. happymama says:

    I am so impressed. She is a survivor and an inspiration. May she enjoy a long and happy life!

  22. Melymori says:

    I read her story yesterday and felt as if a sister -which I don’t have- was confessing her story. It’s a powerful thing she’s done. I’m sad she had to go through that because no human being should ever experience that kind of abuse but I congratulate her on her bravery, for turning a tragedy in a way to help so many people that not only have to fight with their own guilt, shame and hurt, but also with the rest of society. I don’t know her or her work as an actress beyond Nip/Tuck but I think this Essay is the greatest thing she has ever done.

  23. lunchcoma says:

    I’m really glad she was brave enough to share this. Media depictions of sexual assault tend to be so concentrated on violent assaults by strangers, to the point where a lot of people struggle to recognize the more common assaults by friends and romantic partners as being rape.

  24. Leek says:

    I’m thankful I was able to read this here because I never would have happened upon it in Cosmopolitan. Several years ago when I lived in LA I was out drinking with a friend and woke up to the same displeasure. I was 21 when it happened and I’m 38 now. I’ve still never been able to pin the “rape” title on it because it wasn’t violent or aggressive and I guess because I was intoxicated it was my bad. I probably won’t ever be able to call it what it was and I don’t dwell on it or think of it often but, it’s always good to be reminded what exactly it was that night.

    Just when I was thinking of walking away from gossip sites…haha. Good read. Thank you.

    • Tiffany :) says:

      Leek, make no mistake, it absolutely was NOT your bad.
      Sending hugs to you.

      • Leek says:

        Thanks, Tiffany. I understand that now but at the time I think it was easier to blame myself and focus on what I needed to fix in my life to make it better. Honestly, I don’t feel very bothered by it but it felt good to let it out.

        I know it’s offensive to some people that I blamed my state at the time but, well, go through that and see where it leaves you emotionally. We’re imperfect people but our experiences belong to us. It’s funny how we’re judged no matter what we say or do or what’s done to us. People are such a treat sometimes.

    • yariettt says:

      Awww Leak, sorry that happened to you. Also sending hugs your way. You are brave.

      • Leek says:

        That’s very sweet of you, yariett, but I don’t feel brave. I have barely thought about it since it happened. I do best moving forward and ignoring what happened. Brave is what Annalynn did. Fortunately, her bravery has helped me face what happened. I’ll perhaps never utter a word of it out loud but it’s been comforting talking under the warm embrace of internet anonymity! It feels great.

    • Georgia says:

      Thank you for sharing that. I’ve had a similar thing happen to me and for a long time all I could feel was guilt and shame…I shouldn’t have gotten drunk and passed out, right? It’s taken me so many years to see what actually happened and how that was the result of someone feeling entitled to my body and not a thing that I should be ashamed of

  25. Ally8 says:

    Being intoxicated doesn’t allow anyone to commit a crime against you. No one would think it would be okay to be robbed or punched because you were drunk. Making it an excuse for rape only works because we still accept that a man’s wants supercede a woman’s rights.

  26. Jensies says:

    So I was raped by my best friend in similar circumstances to this…I was asleep and also coming down from the first and only time I’ve tried X and woke up to him to him entering me. It was terrifying, and ten months later, I still have nightmares and panic attacks, and he still won’t leave me alone or admit that it was actually rape. He just felt entitled to do this because of his gender, because as women, our bodies aren’t really our own. We share custody of them, at best, with any man who wants us.

    I don’t hate men, but I hate this sense of privilege and entitlement that leads to situations like this.

    Good for her for sharing her story. I haven’t been able to do that, because I’m worried about what friends would think, and that my former friend would kill me if I talk. People need to know that this happens.

    • yariettt says:

      Jensies,
      For what little it’s worth, I am terribly, terribly sorry for your pain. Your words are poignant. You are a very strong person, and you will get through this! Do whatever you need to do to heal.

      • Jensies says:

        Thank you, yariettt and melior. I am grateful for your thoughts and kindness.

        I think one of the things that strikes me from her story, and mine, is that this type of rape seldom feels violent and since that’s what we’re told rape is, maybe this isn’t rape? I mean, he didn’t hurt me, I’m not injured in any way, so maybe I can’t use that word, even though that’s what it feels like.

        I think, especially given that this type of rape accounts for something like 75-80% of all rapes, that we need to make it clear that one doesn’t have to be grievously injured to have it count as rape, so to speak.

        I don’t know. Honestly, there’s so much that’s effect up about all of this, you know?

    • melior says:

      Jensies,

      This is terrible. You are in my prayers as are all women who have to deal with violence.

  27. anesthetizes says:

    I’m so grateful she’s willing to share her story, and that she gives voice to the Somaly Mam foundation too. I am an abuse survivor as well and hope to do the same thing someday when I’m more healed than I am now–hearing what she has to say helps me feel less alone.

  28. Betsy35 says:

    Wow. I have just read her article and it brought tears to my eyes. I faced similar things to her (was sexually abused by an uncle, emotionally + physically abused by mother and then raped by someone in my sleep) and all I can say is I totally understand why she kept quiet and took it. And I am so happy that she is now speaking up about it. The pain that humans can inflict on fellow humans is destroying, but finding the strength to overcome it is a very bittersweet journey. Every day I feel like I’m sad about it but then I also feel like I can take anything now. And weirdly enough, this experience has taught me that my ONE mission in life is to help others – which is why I’m going to be a nurse. I have learnt so much about myself, about others, and about the kindness of humanity – because most humans really are kind!

    I absolutely love her ending to the article – “Honestly, I would endure everything all over again — it has led me to my own revolution.”

    To me that means: This sh*t has made me find myself and I like me.

  29. ughinsomnia says:

    I was date raped while passed out on xanax at a house party by one of my “friends.” I barely remember my friends dressing me and I had to be carried out to my girlfriends car. 10 years later, the guy actually lives across the street from me and acts like nothing happened. It’s a serious mindf— and I hate it. I put on my game face and play nice neighbor because our kids now go to school with each other and play outside together. Fml.

    • Tulip says:

      …that is a HUGE mindf- so, so wrong, I hope you are, at one point, able to move house.

  30. H26 says:

    Thank you to everyone sharing your stories. It is heartbreaking to read. I have 5 yo daughter and a 7 yo son. And while I want to my daughter to be safe, I realize my most important job is raising a son who treats women right and respects them.

  31. blinditemreader says:

    My heart goes out to her. Something very similar happened to me and while I think you never truly get over it completely, I can see how helping others has allowed her to heal. That’s smart and so, so powerful and positive.

    And I totally get what she means about it having been a transformative experience.

  32. Denise says:

    I was seeing a guy when I was in university who went to my school. It was a physical relationship and he had previously used condoms without having to be asked. One night, despite having a bag full of them from the school nurse right next to him on a ledge by the bed, he just went ahead. He was on top of me and I had my hands under him trying to push him off, I said ‘no no no no….’ and he went for about 10 seconds before he got off me which seemed like an eternity because I didn’t think he was going to stop. I got out of there and the next day made an appointment to get tested for everything that exists. Luckily I was clear. Believe it or not, he still called me and when I told him I was upset about what happened he offered to bring me chicken soup. I sh*t you not. I’m fine, I think because it was so brief, it happened in his place and not my bed thank god (I’d actually never had him at mine), and the tests were negative. Somehow it didn’t do me any emotional damage. Something in me wouldn’t let it get to me. Unlike AnnaLynne, I didn’t have any childhood abuse to compound things, and maybe that’s why. I’d still like to punch him in the face though.

  33. Jayna says:

    I really like her and her story had such honesty to it. You could feel her pain over it. The fact that she is so young and still trying to get ahead in the business, usually a selfish time, I find it admirable she also takes time to devote herself to a worthy cause and work with very young brutalized girls and not come off as bragging about that for PR or a photo-op.

    Celebrities who are given so much in life like Gwyneth Paltrow should take heed. Getting out there amongst those in need will take away so much focus on one’s self and whining and put your life into perspective