Jason Patric’s custody battle rages on. The last time we spoke of Patric, he was celebrating after winning his court appeal against his ex-girlfriend, Danielle Schreiber. The court ruled that even though Jason is technically a “sperm donor,” he still may have rights to see his son, Gus. Jason hasn’t seen Gus since June 2012, but his case will be reheard soon by a lower court after he was initially denied custody rights.
Jason has previously stated that he is not a sperm donor but “a willing co-parent.” Danielle was able to prevent Jason from seeing Gus because she got pregnant through in-vitro fertilization. Jason says they tried to have a baby for years, and that he didn’t simply gift his sperm to her (even though he did sign his rights away). Danielle allowed Jason into Gus’ life as “daddy,” but when they broke up, Danielle cut Jason’s access off. All of it seemed mysterious, but we only heard Jason’s side of the story. I wondered why Danielle would keep Jason away from Gus if there was no history of abuse. Danielle has filed legal documents alleging that Jason abused her — physically and verbally.
Jason Patric repeatedly called his baby mama “Jew c–t” and “Ms. Jew Lawyer” … this according to the baby mama herself.
You probably know … Jason has made a cause celeb out of the fact that a quirk in the law prohibited him from having a relationship with son — Gus, now 4, was born via in vitro fertilization with the help of a doctor … and under California law since Jason wasn’t married to the mother he had no right.
Jason appealed for public sympathy and enlisted the help of a number of celebs. An appeals court has just given him a shot at winning some custody.
But baby mama Danielle Schreiber sees Jason as anything BUT sympathetic. In legal docs filed with the court and reviewed by TMZ … she claims Jason was a monster, slamming her head into a wall and hitting her in the face with a telephone receiver.
And she says he was awful to her, regularly referring to her as “”Jew C–t” and “Ms. C–t Schreiber.” She says Jason’s anti-Semitism continued when he went to their son’s preschool, and in front of everyone … called her “Ms. Jew Lawyer” and “Ms. Jew Schreiber.” She says he also accused her of being “c–tish” — in front of everyone.
Schreiber got a restraining order in November, prohibiting him from contacting or harassing her. For Patric’s part, his lawyer, Fred Silberberg, calls the allegations “categorically untrue.” He tells us, “These disclosures are a last gasp attempt at disparaging Gus’ father … [They] are desperate comments from a desperate woman.”
The lawyer adds, “If Ms. Schreiber is telling the truth, which she is not, then she should explain how it is that she chose to have a child with Mr. Patric, why she engaged in years of fertility treatments with him, lived with mr. Patric … [and] maintained a relationship with [him] for over 10 years.”
Update: Danielle’s attorney Patty Glaser is now responding, telling TMZ, “Mr. Patric’s reprehensible physical abuse and anti-Semitic remarks date back as far as 2005. Unfortunately, victims of domestic violence ask themselves all the time why they maintained relationships with the abuser and when they realize what happened no longer tolerate it.”
She adds, “The fact that the domestic violence restraining order was issued after a family court judge heard Ms. Schreiber’s and Mr. Patric’s testimony speaks for itself.”
[From TMZ]
This is tough to read because Danielle never came forward with allegations of abuse until now. This changes everything. All along, Jason’s been telling his side of the story, and she has remained silent. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t believe her. She could be telling the truth, but Jason has had a jump start on her with the press. He’s been organizing fund raisers with his celebrity friends, and she’s a civilian who can’t draw on such public support. I don’t know whether Jason actually abused Danielle, but these new allegations are making me rethink the whole case.
If Danielle IS telling the truth about Jason making anti-semitic statements, that would readily explain his friendship with Mel Gibson. Just saying.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet & WENN
Long time stalker and first time poster here so hello everyone. The timing of all this seems really suspect to me. She only decided to speak up after he wins a court battle. Not saying she’s lying but it does give me pause.
The reason she’s bringing it up now is because until he won that first legal argument, he had no rights to the child and there was no need to get into personal issues. Now that he is potentially entitled to visitation/custody, she’s filing court documents explaining why he’s unfit. That’s just how the court process works, it’s not suspicious in any way.
Sorry. Thought he had rights already.
Yeah, why now? Why not use this in court?
She IS using it in court. The quoted article says it’s getting the abuse allegations from legal documents she filed, which TMZ read.
Eh–once you file something in court, it’s part of the public record. There is a large part of me that thinks since she is an attorney, she knew this, and was trying to protect her son from all of this being out there for public consumption. She may have felt that since he won his court battle, she had no choice but to lay it all out there. I’ve always thought the way he handled this whole ordeal was so gross but I’m one of the few who thinks that he shouldn’t have any parental rights.
I am with you on this one too.
He signed the sperm donor documents after trying for years to get pregnant with her… What does that tell you?
A domestic violence restraining order was issued after the testimonials… What does that tell you?
The timing is not suspect at all. She had no need to disclose such information until he won the appeal (because he had no rights to Gus anyway)!!
Lots of times how things are released in court seems suspect to everyone else. It isn’t because 1 needs the upper hand.
And this man has had a long history in the right circles of antisemitic behavior and manipulation. He knows what he’s doing here.
I agree that the timing is suspect, but (a) she could have been embarrassed that she stayed in an abusive relationship for so long, and (b) this allegation makes sense since it was odd for her to not want her son to have a relationship with his father.
Exactly, and it is also very suspect that you deny the father of your child visitation rights when you have broken up with him but had no problem playing happy families when it suited you.
That statement can easily be applied to women who stay in abusive relationships that didn’t know how to leave, but put on a brave face for the public.
He’s taken the lead and ran to the press fast to get his story out there. Because she doesn’t have the same pull and is doing things through the court and not in public doesn’t mean she’s just making this up.
Now we’re hearing both sides, but it seems most have made up their minds from watching E news and reading the gossip sites.
FLORC
Well said!
Thank you •Florc•. And I agree with •Snark• well said.
Esti
Well put.
People magazine wrote an article years ago about Julia Robert’s personal life.It was the time when she ran away with Jason and didnt wed Kiefer. A former lover of Jason had said to people that he was very shy but very sweet/kind.Just saying.
Actually, a few of Jason’s exes have called him abusive as well. Including Julia.
This is NOT the first time he’s been accused of being abusive.
Jason Patric has been known around Hollywood for being a bit of an ass. I’ve heard that for years about him. The abuse allegations don’t surprise.
Jason Patric is the son of Jason Miller, a brilliant playwright and actor (The Exsorcist), who was sadly an alcoholic and died way before he should have from drinking. His maternal grandfather was legendary comedian and drinker Jackie Gleason. I have read that Jason had suffered some similar problems in the past. It is possible he is a recovering alcoholic and wants a second chance. Why did this woman stay so long with him and want him as her baby’s sperm donor after they broke up since these problems can be hereditary?
•CHH•
Myself and a few others have tried to answer this.
The long and the short of it is — DV is very complicated and rarely makes sense. Unless you’ve experienced it yourself or through a loved one.
Team Danielle !
I have read that he’s a asshole. At least that’s what some co-workers have said. Sadly it’s a lot of, he said/she said, with the little man in the middle of all this shit.
Lots of people are assholes. It does not mean he is a woman beater and anti-semite. Just saying.
If people who know him say he’s an a-hole, it certainly opens the door of possibility that he’s an abusive person. It is good to hear both sides now and what others think of Jason. It gives a clearer picture.
You would think she would say some of this when they were initially fighting, to say why she didn’t want him in his son’s life.
Honestly this just sounds like the stuff Halle Berry pulled. Remember for ~5 years she was saying “Gabriel is so wonderful” and then BAM, right after the divorce it became “He is super racist and emotionally abused me”.
Or Kelly Rutherford and all the BS she pulled against her ex-husband.
Yeah. Which is why I take it with a grain of salt. This has been going on for 2 years and this is the first time I have read about any abuse allegations. Kelly Rutherford tried that mess and let us not forget Halle Berry and her nonsense about Gabriel calling her and their daughter racist names.
Exactly. I’m not going to side with anyone at this point. If he did say those things at the son’s preschool, you would think there are witnesses – who will file a declaration along with her claims. Based on what we know so far, this could be a hail mary on her part. The burden of proof is on her. If he did say those things in public, she would have the witnesses to back up her claims. Just saying.
Or maybe this lady has class and discretion. Maybe she doesn’t fight her battles in the media and drag her child’s father through the mud. TMZ first uncovered her claims which were within court documents. She is now fighting for the best interests of her son. And don’t forget she is a lawyer herself.
•Snark•
Protecting the child is paramount. And his publicity did exactly the opposite. She’s in a tough spot and I feel for her.
Schreiber was the one who made this case public. Her lawyers went to TMZ in November 2012 with this whole ‘sperm donor’ allegation. Patric – who is notorious in the business for being press shy – had no choice but to go public about this, approximately five months after Schreiber barred Patric from seeing their son. I usually believe domestic violence accusations, but I do not believe Ms Schreiber.
According to her, he was abusing her from 2005 onwards and she claims he was merely a sperm donor who provided his sperm in 2009, even though she bought anonymous sperm. Who in their right mind would use sperm from a man who abused them when they already had purchased anonymous sperm? Something smells fishy with her entire story. False abuse allegations are made all the time in court. As a person who has experienced domestic violence firsthand and has friends who have too, her last desperate attempt to bar Patric from Gus’ life disgusts me. She is a scorned woman who is using domestic violence as a ploy. Her actions and words make that blatant.
•Stephanie•
What your seeing is the cycle of abuse. It’s the honeymoon periods interspersed with the terrorising periods. Abusers can go LONG stretches seemingly normal and loving. He probably convinced her that he would be a great donor and she didn’t need to use a strangers DNA etc.. It’s honestly not hard for me to imagine.
I mention the last time this story was posted… that I do not buy into Patric’s act. At all.
I still suspect he is another Alec Baldwin, when it comes to his getting his way.
He will lie, bully and basically set the whole place on fire… to get his way. Go on morning TV and trash the ex-girlfriend. Then get on the cable news shows and cry about how he is being cut out of his child’s life.
I do not trust high profile men who trash the hell out of their ex’s, all over the media. And never will.
And it looks like it has finally got to the point, that Danielle had to make some kind of public statement. After she has obviously try not to trash his ass in a public forum.
Yep… I suspect he has been tormenting her for the last 2 years, non stop.
So, no. I do not believe he is any kind of victim. At all.
Completely agree will you, Hautie. Patty boy is no victim. Another Alec B for sure.
I have always had some strong visceral dislike of him, but I have no idea whether it is valid or irrational. I do know that he is arrogant, but I can’t decide if it is a justified righteous fight due to wrongs or if that is who he is, a person with a huge sense of entitlement.
At any rate, this was the worst decision his ex could have made, in deciding to have his bio child.
•Hautie•
You and me both.
I clearly remember several other women accusing him of being abusive AND this whole performance screamed something other than concerned father.
I feel so sorry for the mother and son.
Agree. The mother has to protect her son, fight for her own rights and wage a battle against cynical apologists for Patric. Unfair indeed.
Robin Wright ran far away from him too. Then she went and chose similar.
Actually, Robin Wright is still friends with Patric and supports his charity, Stand Up For Gus. Where is evidence that he abused other women, because I honestly can’t remember anything to do with abuse being mentioned in his previous relationships, excluding this one. I’m sure if others did say he was abusive, it would be all over the Internet by now.
•Eliza•
Madonna is still friends with Sean Penn and he’s abusive — police reports and everything. Staying friends with your abuser is actually not that uncommon.
I hate to disbelieve a woman with claims of abuse, but…why is this just NOW coming up? If this were true, it should have been the first thing out of her mouth when all this court stuff started, as that would be a pretty good defense as to why she didn’t want him around her son. I’d also question why she was in a relationship on and off with him for 10 years AND chose to have a child with him, if he was abusive and bigoted.
Also, I thought it turned out he did NOT sign away his rights? I can’t remember for sure.
If it all is true, then I wish her well in protecting herself and her son.
Exactly – this isn’t a one night stand gone wrong and being stuck with a man in your life because you have a kid together, this is a woman who CHOSE to be with Jason Patric for TEN YEARS and CHOSE to have a child with him AFTER they had split. Who chooses to go back and biologically bind themselves for life with an “abusive” man they’ve already gotten away from?
He may be an egotistical douche but the abuse/anti-semitism claims smell like BS.
•Lucy2•
As many posters here know, I’m a survivor of domestic abuse. Unraveling the affects of abuse takes years and accusing your abuser takes an enormous amount of courage. I can still remember standing in the Family Advovacy Office at our local base (FAO is the military’s version of social services) literally shaking, ready to throw up, and teeth chattering. And my abuser was several states away on orders. I was *terrified* of his reaction to my letting the world ‘see’ our issues. But at the time, I honestly didn’t know I was terrified.
The reality is — very few women are willing to come forward to accuse anyone of abuse or rape. It’s exceptionally rare for it to be faked. I believe her.
LadySlippers, I’m glad that you were able to remove yourself from the situation. I understand the situation all too well. My ex husband and father of my four children was incredibly emotionally and mentally abusive. The physical and sexual abuse came years after grooming me. He’s no longer in my life or my children’s lives, and I’m very thankful for that. It took the abuse moving to one of my children for me to stand up, though. It was only one time, and I knew I had to do what was right by my children. I am sad that I wasn’t able to do what was right by me for so long.
•Sunshine•
I completely understand what you mean. I’m SO grateful that both my children no longer am involved with their father. People don’t understand that while I’m sad they don’t have a father in their life; I’m happy that an incredibly toxic man is out of their lives and they can heal. Luckily, my children have forgiven me for staying so long. I’m struggling to forgive myself though (you think it’s better to stay!).
{{HUGS}} and lots of love, light, and healing sent your way. Kudos to you for leaving. And have you heard of Lundy Bancroft? This is to you and ••everyone•• reading, check out ‘Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men’. It was a lifesaver and explained the ‘craziness’ an abuser brings to the relationship and greatly assisted my healing.
I do understand that, and have nothing but the utmost respect and sympathy for what you’ve been through. In no way do I want to diminish that or question why some women (and men who are abused) stay – I get that it’s extremely complicated, especially with kids, and it’s awful to have all your private things made public.
For this particular case, what I just can’t make sense of in my own mind is that if he did and said these things, why, when they were split up and she wanted to have a child, she went to him as a donor, when many other options were available to her. That’s the main thing that’s making me wonder how accurate the claims are.
Lady and Sunshine
Your stories are both heartbreaking and inspiring. It is amazing that you both found the strength to end a way of life that was robbing you of your humanity in such large and small ways.
As for why women stay, there are no simple answers. Why do some women believe their tormentors when they tell them they are no good without them and will fail on their own? Why do some kidnap victims fail to escape when they have a chance to? Why do abusers isolate their victims so that they lose social and familial connectivity? Why do abusers convince the abused that they are so worthless that no one else will love or want them besides him/her? Why does this become a self fulfilling prophecy when the abused is so emotionally/psychologically damaged that she/he fails to forge new, satisfying relationships which seems to prove that the abuser was right all along? Why are abusers so good at convincing their victims that they have changed for the better? Why do people assume that abusers are these raging monsters that anyone with “sense” would run from instead of incredibly charming and manipulative Trojan horses? Why do we assume the abused can actually see that they are in an abusive relationship while it is going on? Why do children removed from highly abusive homes cry, kick and scream to be returned to their dangerous parents? Why do some abuse victims report that it takes years to unpack the overwhelming psychosocial and emotional factors tied up in their abuse cycles? Why do some victims believe that if they try just a little harder and hang in there they can heal the abuser? Why do abusers show just enough vulnerability to make the victim feel that he/she is his/her only hope for happiness/the chance to be finally ‘understood’? Why do abusers convince their victims that they don’t really want to hurt them but they should realize the part their behavior played in the abuse.
Why do we blame the victim?
•Lucy2•
You want my guess? He went through an extended honeymoon period and may have gone to counselling and it had *appeared* he had changed for the better. Abusers are the masters of deception and victims really cling to the honeymoon phase and think the abusive side is an aberration rather than the norm. In reality, it’s the other way around.
And victims really really really want the person they fell in love with not to be just smoke and mirrors. It’s tough.
BTW — thanks for the beautiful words and the honest question. I promise you — there are never any easy solutions to DV.
•Snark•
I don’t have words to fully verbalise what I’m feeling. All I can manage is — I’ve started to cry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Sorry. Can’t manage anything else.
@LadySlippers I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through.. I also had a boyfriend who was extremely possessive and I was terrified of him.. stayed for 3 years (the 1st year he seemed “normal”) … I still remember one evening at his house, he was working on the computer and something went wrong with the work. He started yelling and swearing so furious walking from one side to the other, and then he grabbed a chair and threw it against the wall. At this point I was in the corner of the living room terrified and thinking “when are you going to do that to me?”… He couldn’t touch me, kiss me or anything, I couldn’t stand it but he was so dellusional that he kept talking about us getting married and…I knew he lived in a world of his own, and his behaviour was psychotic… I was afraid of leaving him and that he’d kill me… When I finally had the courage to leave him, he stalked me for a year, would drive around the town in search of my car, if I was in a café, he’d walk in and call me names in front of everybody, had to go to the police, they couldn’t do anything, he’d park in front of my house all day….
This was 6 years ago, still can’t trust men.. wonder if I ever will….
Please sweety, don’t cry…
Nightie
I am sincerely glad you are here to tell your story. I can imagine the terror you lived with.
Will you trust a man again? You will. You weren’t with a man. You were with a monster.
Make a pact with your inner woman to be open to real love whenever it comes. You owe that to her and she will hold you to it because you deserve happiness. No hurry, no worry. In its own time.
You’re brave and strong – thank you for your voice.
Oh •NightShade•
Your ex was abusive. No doubt about that.
*wraps arms around fellow Lady of the Garden*
{{HUGS}} to you!! Lots of them. Go check out the book that I recommended to both •Sunshine• and to •lem•. It HONESTLY saved my life and helped me (and my children) to heal. I’ve given away SO MANY copies it isn’t funny. (I provided links too)
One of the most helpful tips is Lundy gives out is very concrete ‘red flags’ to look for in men. They were exceptionally helpful as I saw many red flags myself but wrote them off as ‘unique’ and ‘one-off’ incidents. Plus, often months and years go by before the evidence starts looking ominous, unless you know how severe they are.
I’ve stopped dating (I picked two more jerks post divorce and figured out that I needed to heal because there ARE nice guys out there. I just had to be healthy enough to pick them) so I could heal and re-orient myself. I’ve dated nice guys before and won’t settle again for someone who’s only nice when the world is watching.
Hopefully all abuse survivors will find happiness, health, and love. I will pray that you find it too.
{{HUGS}}
PS~ I was crying a good cry. Snark hit an emotional nerve as all her comments have been spot on.
Thanks LadyS and Dame Snark… 🙂
@Snark,
I am sorry it took me so long to come back to the thread and read your response. I have bittersweet tears in my eyes and would like to scream your words at the top of my lungs to people.
“Why do abusers convince the abused that they are so worthless that no one else will love or want them besides him/her? Why does this become a self fulfilling prophecy when the abused is so emotionally/psychologically damaged that she/he fails to forge new, satisfying relationships which seems to prove that the abuser was right all along?”
This, this, SO much this. I learned to be ok by myself, to be strong for myself and my children. Now, I’m fumbling about in a world. A single mom of four, about to turn 30. I’m blessed with a good job and amazing friends, but my relationship with my family has been ruined. My relationship with his family is ruined. I am struggling at setting healthy boundaries because it’s so much easier to just cut everyone out.
Thank you for your insight and for giving me a place to speak about it!
*virtual hugs to Nighty, LadyS, and Snark*
Sunshine
No one with a story, an innner strength, a voice and a light like yours can stay down for long. Take steps, strides and then leaps and bounds towards your best self. Grab life by the handfuls and wring every freakin drop of joy and fulfillment out of it. Swipe a juicy apple, throw on some sneakers and take a long, lovely walk a letting the breeze and the sun reaffirm the fact that you are here, you exist, you matter. Hug your children and proudly take credit for protecting and loving them. Then protect and love yourself, even if you have to cover up your rear view mirror to do it.
Keep living up to your name 😉
I beg to differ with you. I know many many women who have lied about being abused by their mates to
1. have him removed from the home
2. get a divorce
3. cause him to lose custody of their children
4. look like the victim
5. blackmail
I grew up in an abusive house. It makes me sick when women lie. I don’t believe this woman’s story for a second. Just like I didn’t believe Halle.
It isn’t just now coming up . She has a restraining order from last November. It is just now more public knowledge.
So, she claims he’s abusive and a sperm donor? Her narrative is so implausible… why take his sperm if he abused you? I think this is just another case of a desperate person throwing out false abuse allegations because Patric actually has a chance of winning. Besides, the court deemed these accusations as having ‘no credibility’ and restraining orders against him were denied twice. The only restraining order she has is a no contact one, meaning Patric cannot call her, text her or e-mail her, after having his lawyers send letters to her just asking to see his son.
I tend to agree that she’s saying this to try to get custody.
Now that the court seems to agree that he’s not a sperm donor, she needs a new valid reason to keep him away. So he’s a danger now
Burden of proof is on her. She specifically said he said those things in public – at the son’s preschool. Well if that’s true, there should be witness declarations filed alongside her claims. Unless she gets those declarations, this is basically a he said/she said deal. Sorry I’m not quick to believe this unless I see the receipts.
I am not going to get into detail here but I do not believe it.
In my opinion, this woman is vindictive and crazy.
I guess time will tell who is telling the truth and I suspect it is not her.
Your comment makes me so sad. This is what abusers want people to think.
@Ladyslippers, no one is outright saying she’s making this stuff up. However the burden of proof behind these allegations are with her. She claims that he said this in public. If that’s true, there are witnesses – ones who will submit a written declaration in court to support her claims. So far, I do not see any declarations – only hers. No court will side with her just because “she said so.”
I’m not siding with anyone but the kid at this point. You need proof in a court of law to make things stick. End of story.
In reality, most abusers are very careful to *appear* fantastic in public. To make matters worse, people will often refuse to testify in support of the abuse they witnessed. They too fear retributions. And judges don’t care what therapists and social workers say either.
Basically it’s an up road battle that firmly favours the abuser. Sorry but it’s true. And the loser is the victims and the rest of society. If we protected women and children — they wouldn’t be shouldering the burden themselves.
(Domestic violence and it’s affects cost society billions. A little preventative medicine would go a long way here)
Unfortunately sometime the woman is lying. Which I hate because it shades evry real victim.
But because, most wouldn’t lie about something that important, it does not mean that she is actually telling the truth.
I don’t know any of them, but she more than once said that he was nothing more than a donor, that he had signed his right away. A judge said he was a father. Why would a judge state that, if JP had actually signed his right away ?
That make me think that she might be liyng. And if she lied about the father of her son abandonning said son, , she could be lying about anything.
Not saying he’s not an A*. Could be, I don’t know him. But, being an A* is still not a reason to being separated from your children.
Girl, you were with him for 10 years… if he was that bad, you should’ve left and without his sperm!
Abusers REALLY REALLY like to impregnate women because it ties her to him forever. And they spend considerable time trying to charm people who aren’t her. She’s his punching bag. He never beats up or shows the bad side to people he values. These guys can be incredibly charming.
I can’t believe some of the things people are saying. Why would a judge say something that wasn’t true? I’ve seen judges say a seven-year-old rape victim was provocative, describe the victim of a fifty-year-old rapist as “wise beyond her years” (she later killed herself), and worse.
But doesn’t the flip side also apply? He’s with her off/on for 10 yrs- clearly he knew her personality “quirks” and thought this proposal through enough to sign that document. Why donate sperm in the first place if the woman in question was “crazy”? Again, loser here is Gus. Regardless of outcome here, don’t see these two ever playing nice.
I believe there was no legal documents of him signing his rights away. THat’s why there’s a court case.
No, he honestly signed his rights away. That’s why he’s fighting this so hard and lost so many occasions previously. What tripped her up was letting him back in the child’s life.
The abuse cycle has abusive periods generously littered with honeymoon periods. The abuse cycle tends to get longer and the honeymoon period shorter. Abusers aren’t always horrible. Victims cling to the honeymoon periods.
Abusers are skilled at knowing when to pour on the charm/remorse. It is the emotional equivalent to spatial disorientation for pilots.
•Snark•
Spatial disorientation. What a PHENOMENAL description of it. Everything is so topsy-turvy you don’t know right from left, up from down, or inside from outside. And it takes years for everything to even kinda get back to normal.
LS
Exactly. After JFK, Jr. died in that horrible crash with his wife and sil people asked why he would recklessly go up in bad weather in a storm. Well, there was no storm and the night was normal. He was a trained pilot in a new plane. Unfortunately haze (night clouds) created what is known as an isolated night pocket that renders pilots seriously disoriented.
The parallel to abuse victims is apparent for me. You gain altitude and take to the skies with hope, excitement and a sense of security with your partner by your side. Then before you realize what has happened you are swallowed up in an isolating pocket of darkness and despair that carries you off to your fate. By the time the rest of the world knows the facts it is too late.and few, if any, can truly comprehend the quiet, hellish private fear and desperation.
The amount of victim-blaming in this thread is appalling. I’m astounded at the number of commentators who don’t understand why she would stay with him for 10 years/why should would want to have a child with him. Does anyone understand how abuse works? It’s easy for us to say she should have gotten out and not had a child with him, but that’s not how abuse typically works and that’s not how abuse victims typically function.
lem you’re going to find similar comments on any thread where domestic abuse both verbal and or physical come up. The answer is no, a lot of people do not understand how abuse works. This even applies to some who have witnessed it first hand. I know because in the past my attitude was, well you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas. Now I know better. I understand how systematic and insidious it is, how your confidence and self worth get eroded, how cleverly abusers manipulate those they wish to control. I know it’s frustrating and disheartening to read these comments but be patient and continue to post and educate.
Keep in mind too that none of the posters know these people and are only speculating based on the information given. Without knowing any of the players personally it’s hard to say who’s telling the truth. If her claims are true then I hope she has enough evidence to nail him to the wall in court. But I cannot discount the fact that her claims might not be true either. All I know for sure is that this custody battle has been ugly and looks to get uglier still.
Thank you both got your comments. I usually stay away from these threads because it’s so painful to read all the victim bashing.
People should read ‘Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men’.
And while I don’t know the parties, Jason is exhibiting classic abuser behaviour which supports her story vs his. I do believe her.
I don’t think it’s victim blaming per se, just that the whole thing is pretty suspect. And when it comes to custody cases, people can turn pretty nasty. Most of the time the child gets forgotten and more often than not is used as a weapon against the other party. I should know I’m in family law. She might be telling the truth or she might not be telling the truth but with regards to cases like this I tend to be pretty cynical.
It is victim blaming. It is. Our society is riddled with it. Sad but true.
Most people don’t casually throw abuse claims around. And that’s what most people assume.
i’m also a divorce attorney (solidarity high five) so I get what you mean about being cynical (although to be fair, i also have seen enough “nice guy” abusers to know that just because you seem like a gentleman/classy lady doesn’t mean you’re not also a monster being closed doors). at this point, none of us here know what is true and what isn’t. but the number of commentators who are saying things like “if he was so horrible, why stay with him? why ask for his sperm?” just show how little they understand abuse and abuse victims. that’s what i find so appalling as i read these threads. it’s just as much of an assumption to assume she’s crazy as it is to assume that he’s an abuser.
Lem
Thank you for saying this so well.
•lem•
Most people thought my ex was a gem. Only a few people got to see his nasty treatment of me and our two kids. No one EVER saw how he was with the animals. So people really do have a hard time reconciling the man they knew and the man the kids and I described.
Did you see the book I recommended to •Sunshine• above? I’d definitely recommend any and everything Lundy Bancroft writes. It’ll help you see through some of the ‘charm’ as an attorney. Plus, it’s life saver for the victims.
Lundy Bancroft also has a website too. It looks like several! Lol
http://www.lundybancroft.com
http://lundybancroft.blogspot.com/?m=1
http://www.amazon.com/Lundy-Bancroft/e/B001HCTX76
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0425191656?pc_redir=1401325825&robot_redir=1
I’m not saying it’s not true but if her side of the story is to be believed then AFTER they were broken up and done with, if he was abusive-why ask for his sperm? I mean if he’s a douchebag, (and he might be) then why would you want to use the sperm of someone when it’s already complicated? Seems like an odd choice for a sperm donor is all I’m saying..
I side-eye both of them tbh. My sympathies lie with baby Gus.
THIS!
thank you
THIS.
As much as I really have an intinct to believe DV victims, this sounds suspect to me. In reality, this argument to deny him visitation would actually be stronger than the whole “sperm donor contract” thing. The problem is that the timing is suspect.
The restraining order allegation needs more info. There are two kinds of restraining orders – temporary and permanent. Temporary ROs, depending on the state you are in, can be fairly easy to get. They are meant simply to, basically, give the parties what basically amounts to “cooling off” time where they can be apart. If the abuse or issues are ongoing or long-term, the parties at some point will get a chance to go to court to argue for making that temporary order permanent. That is a higher burden that requires a lot more evidence. The requestor has to show why the order needs to be permanent. It sounds like to me that the Temporary order here was just that – temporary (I can’t find anything to suggest she has a permanent order against him). That means, usually, one of two things – the parties reconcile by mutual agreement or otherwise just agree to not pursue the permanent order, or the party requesting it doesn’t have enough evidence to support a permanent order.
I can feel for this woman, since I could easily accept her version as being true, but she really shot herself in the foot with this whole mess. If it’s not documented, it didn’t happen, as far as the law goes. The moral of this story is to always, always report DV. No exceptions.
•Sam•
In my state I didn’t even qualify for a RO. And my Protection Order was thrown out almost immediately as well because my judge didn’t even care how and what the therapists and social workers involved said.
I don’t think people realise how hard it is to ‘prove abuse’ regardless of how things are handled. This is still very much an issue in 2014 even though most people think we’re well beyond it.
It can be proved in her case since she said he was abusive to her at the son’s preschool. That means there are witnesses and she would have had declarations to that fact.
But it rests on the fact on whether the judge will accept it as evidence.
And judges are still mostly older white dudes with conservative ideas. They can and do treat victims horribly. There’s been cases where judges laughed battered women out of the court room—– and the women were subsequently murdered by.their abusers.
I have no idea who’s right or wrong. None at all. I’m not into the trial by media stuff. I’m more the due process type.
His whole approach to this case screams abuser. But since he is a man, people have given him the benefit of the doubt. Whenever a woman come forward with allegations people rush right in to calling her a liar or worse. The mere fact that he is friends with Gibson, makes me question Patric.
Yup.
No one believes you.
Or worse.
They tell you you deserved it. (And the kids right along with you)
They also don’t know or forget: abusers often kill their victims AFTER they leave. The murder rate is actually higher post split than during the relationship. Violence always escalates after the break-up.
Leaving. Is. Terrifying.
It’s the single scariest thing I’ve ever done. Ever. And he’s still making me pay (the kids and I are teetering on the verge of homelessness).
I wouldn’t be surprised if he called her horrible names – custody battles bring out the absolute worst in people. I hate to overstate the obvious, but the real victim here is the child. She needs to stop projecting her feelings onto Gus and let that kid know his father.
And before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, I’m not saying he’s not a douchebag – but I know plenty of guys who are horrible romantic partners but excellent fathers and my father was one of them.
She says he slammed her face into a wall, hit her with a telephone, and repeatedly used slurs against women and Jewish people to describe her. In what world does that suggest he would be an “excellent father”? I can 100% understand why she wouldn’t want her kid to be around someone who might hurt him, or at a minimum teach him to hate people based on gender or religion.
There is a difference between being horrible romantic partner and an abuser. If he is abusive, then he should not be any where near the child. Too many abusive men have been granted access to the children, and then murder them in order to punish the mother.
Unfortunately, in some jurisdictions abuse against the MOTHER doesn’t count for much in a custody situation. I have joint custody with a man who tried to smother me. Twice. My lawyer advised me to keep my mouth shut because disclosing it would not only not do any good, it would count against me because I would be seen as vindictive and uncooperative in co-parenting, thus increasing the chance that my ex-husband would win sole custody.
•Jadzia•
My lawyer said essentially the same thing. I ‘lucked out’ because my ex was on orders out of the state so joint custody wasn’t a viable option, although he tried. Damned hard.
Not sure if you live in the US but Lundy Bancroft does try to assist (if he can) in custody battles. I’ve posted links elsewhere, perhaps they can be of assistance to you.
And kudos to you for leaving. {{HUGS}}, light, love to you as well. May all domestic abuse survivors find health and healing in our future. And may, one day, people be more educated about the realities of domestic violence and put a stop to it. We all deserve better.
•Stoner•
Plenty and I mean PLENTY of people manage to divorce without abuse allegations. Tense and nasty yes — but anti-Semitic slurs and abuse? No.
And let me point out that his son, Gus, is also a Jew. So those slurs apply to BOTH mother and son. That’s now a hate crime and child abuse.
Sorry, but if you are an asshole to the mother of your children there is no way you can ever be an “excellent” father.
They both sound like colossal assholes. Poor Gus.
The comments in this thread really pain me. If this woman fade abuse and this is people’s reactions, that she’s making it up or using it to stick it to some “poor, injured man”, then I know why no one ever comes forward.
I have had so many friends in long term relationships who have faced abuse. I’ve also had friends who were abusers, though I’m not friends with those people any longer. The reasons of abused people stay are complicated. It seems like a lot if commenters don’t understand that.
Thank you •G.•
I responded to •Merrit• above but my comments could easily go here too.
Leaving. Is. Terrifying.
Thank you for acknowledging that fact.
I reserve judgement on who is a “victim” in this case. That’s not up to me, it’s up to a court of law.
There is a victim in this case. Its the poor little boy stuck in the middle of this. The two of them really need to work it out for the sake of the child. I really feel for him.
Has Danielle ever given any reason why she does not want her son’s father in her son’s life? Clearly he adores the kid and is fighting like crazy to stay in the kid’s life. He will, presumably, pay child support. What’s the downside? Every single mother should be so lucky. Is it because now she’s claiming abuse? Does she fear for the boy’s safety? I don’t get it.
•Decloo•
Honestly, my guess is she thought she was safe because he signed away his rights and she was covered.
And I can promise you, if he is abusive (and he’s showing a lot of signs so I’m inclined to believe her) than she’s better off without him — as is Gus. It IS absolutely a safety issue. Always. Abusive men do not make good fathers no matter how much they can pay. Good fathers do not abuse the mothers of their children. Period/Full Stop.
LadySlippers, I have read your comments and it makes me incredibly sad to see what you went through and are still enduring. I will pray for you. I also was subject to emotional abuse. He would comment snidely on every ‘flaw’ every time I walked through the door or was in his presence. If I dared to say something that he didn’t agree with, the taunts would worsen. This was my mother’s boyfriend, and I was 14. Since then, I have experienced similar things. My self-esteem was low and due to him making fun of my weight, I developed an eating disorder, refused to eat in public, and eventually messing around with my diet because whenever I ate his words echoed in my head resulted in stunting my growth early. Thankfully, I spoke out about it. My own mother didn’t believe me, despite it happening in front of her. Others, however, did. My mother is no longer with her then-boyfriend and I am slowly getting over my eating disorder. My confidence has flourished and I am somewhere I never imagined I would be. This is only a brief synopsis of what my mother’s ex-boyfriend put me through. I hope one day things will work out for you.
With all this being sad, I regretfully admit that I do not believe Ms. Schreiber. Yes, just because they were in a ten year relationship doesn’t mean she could just leave if he was abusing her. However, I cannot believe her when she says he was merely a sperm donor and abusive. Why choose his sperm if she had anonymous sperm? Why choose his sperm when he was abusive and she had managed to get away? That I cannot understand. I have also researched Parental Alienation and false abuse allegations in court. A primary aspect of Parental Alienation in extreme cases is the ex making false abuse claims. It is a very big chance this is the case here.
I am conflicted, but Ms Schreiber’s claims don’t add up to me. I hope I haven’t offended you, Ladyslippers and if I have, I am truly sorry.
If Ms Schreiber is telling the truth, she made a very bad mistake in taking his sperm when she had the chance to start afresh with the anonymous sperm she purchased.
If Mr Patric is telling the truth, I hope he is awarded some kind of custody and can be reunited with his son.
Ultimately, I feel very sorry for the poor child involved in the middle of this.
Ladyslippers, I sincerely hope that the future is bright for you and that you and your children can have some closure soon. God bless you for being such a strong woman and escaping.
•Eliza•
Thank you for your thoughtful response. For the record, I am not offended.
But can I suggest that you read Lundy’s book? The reason I say that is many abusers use the system to their advantage and Lundy explains just how and why. It may answer your questions and have you rethink your feelings on Parental Alienation claims. Lundy really really addresses this well. He actually works with abusive men for a living — and even he was shocked by the lengths they go to make their victim look deranged and mean while painting themself as victim when they are anything but. I cannot encourage you enough to read it.
In fact, if you spoke to my ex, he would say things that are very similar to these men that claim alienation from their children. Facts be damned. The truth is my children, of their own volition, cut their father out of their lives. My son did it almost 4 years ago (he was 14 at the time); and my daughter did it for just shy of 2 years (she was 13 the first time around), communicated with him just last Oct (at 15), got the same song and dance, and walked away again. She’s going on 9 months now with the 2nd break. It was their decision supported 100% by me and all involved support staff (teachers/therapists/school administrators). But this is extremely rare. Most abusers turn the children against the mother to create an even more volitile home.
Lundy also makes a strong case for the fact that most abuse claims by women, are in fact, true. The cards are stacked against you and often makes things WORSE by telling the truth. It doesn’t really ‘aid’ a woman to say that she and her children are being terrorised by the one person that is supposed to protect them. Makes getting help all that much harder.
As for why she wanted his child? My guess is she loved him. That d@mn pesky four letter word that is at the root of why everyone stays at all. They aren’t monsters all the time. And I loved my ex. I wanted, with every fiber of my being, for our marriage to work.
Again, please read Lundy’s book. It’ll make you look at everything in a much different light.
Sending you light, love, and lots of healing.
I read something online actually, and she only chose Jason’s sperm after weighing out the pros and cons of using a known sperm donor and anonymous sperm donor. Which also makes me think there is something specific. That, and Danielle has always said this is about her right to be a sole, legal parent.
I’ve also heard from people who went to college with the Schreibers that they are the typical rich, spoilt family who think they’re above it all. They weren’t surprised at half the things that have been going on. Then again, this is just what I’m hearing from other people. Saying that though, I saw a comment in an article from People Magazine that says the exact same thing. Also, it was her lawyers who sent all the sperm donor information to TMZ and Jason only came forward five months after the court hearing. That surprised me since he’s usually tends to shy away from the press.
Who knows… whatever happens will be determined by a court and I just hope the little boy in the middle of this will be okay. Its one big mess and I truly feel for poor Gus who is probably oblivious to everything going on.
I also wanted to say to Ladyslippers that you are an incredibly strong woman and I hope you and your children are safe now. X
I’ve been reading the comments and it’s so sad what some people say… People don’t understand and never will until they go through the same situation, something I don’t wish anybody. Why is it so hard for us to be able to walk on another person’s shoes, it’s something I’ll never get. I used to be like that, always wondering why do they stay, until I met the wrong person. and though he never hit me physically, the psychological also counts. My friends were used to a confident, self-assured, happy woman and for some time she disappeared. Why I stayed with him after realizing he was psychotic? That’s why.. he was psychotic; once even menaced to shoot his ex-wife, mother of his 2 kids with a shotgun… Leaving him, terrified me… what if I leave and he comes after me and kills me.. After all, he thretened his ex, he even punched her once… When I found the courage to leave, had to go to round 2, putting up with his stalking (a year), his menace… he would say crying, “I love you, can’t live without you, everything will be different, I’ll do whatever you want, please, come back”. As soon I’d say no… “You’re a sl*t, a b*tch, all you want is f*ck others… isn’t it?” This would happen in just 5 minutes…
So please, try to be more understanding and less pr*cks to women / men who suffer domestic violence….
yes, men also suffer from it, in the UK, 40% of DV is suffered by men.. STOP BLAMING AND LAUGHING AT THE VICTIMS…
I will reserve judgement and see how it plays out in court. I am a dependency lawyer and we often have family law spill over. I have seen men and women make up horrendous allegations to get an upper hand. I have seen numerous DV and child abuse allegations fall apart once they are scrutinized by the courts. Divorce and custody issues can bring out the worst in people. We just had a guy bring a gun to his family law hearing this week.
I don’t think an antisemitic person would be with a Jewish person for a decade and pay thousands of dollars to have a Jewish baby. That doesn’t mean he is not an abusive prick. She may be a loving mother trying to protect her kid, or she may be a bitter person that wants to cut her ex out of her life for good. None of us really know the truth.
It is up to the parties to present their evidence and then the court decides. I am sure as this case goes forward we will find out more.
•Jessma•
I’m Jewish as are my children. My ex is VERY anti-Semitic. Very. And it was something he hid until the very end.
*sigh*
As, with others, please read Lundy’s book. Most abuse, even real accusations, don’t stand a chance in court. Mine didn’t. And that’s hardly unusual.
Plus, if you deal with this for work, you can help clients and watch for red flags yourself. Jason displays several key red flags that make this very likely that the allegations are true.
Nighty, that is the second time you’re citing that ridiculous group that faked that video. Not to mention, their stats are off. How interesting.
Here, this is sad to watch, people’s reaction is so hurtful.. Domestic violence happens both against women as well as men… and our society has trouble accepting it..
http://www.trueactivist.com/this-is-what-happens-when-the-public-sees-a-woman-abusing-a-man/?fb_comment_id=fbc_675323075874058_676632242409808_676632242409808#f3a9a394ec
•NightShade•
Please keep your chin up and keep letting people know that Domestic Violence/ Domestic Abuse/ Domestic Terrorism (I personally prefer the latter as it’s way more accurate) is real and words (them and ours) have enormous power.
The only thing we can do is be a voice for our fellow victims and hopefully people will educate themselves. Lundy’s book is honestly, THE best book I’ve read both personally and professionally and he tackles domestic violence and addresses all facets (even the most under reported — same sex couples and DV).
Now that WE are strong enough, hopefully we can be a beacon for others that need to break free and heal. Most people don’t know the crazy world abusers create so it does look as if it’s the victim that’s crazy when in reality, this is how and what the abuser is striving for.
Keep your chin up, leaves perked, and flowers proud. Or, you can be your alternate super hero/bad a$$ self. 😉
{{HUGS}}
PS: *ahem* Flowers and all Garden creatures really love some •Sunshine• too.
(Actually anyone can join love-in!)
I know DV is an epidemic, I see what it does to families in court every day. My clients are children who are in dependency. My clients have been abused abandoned and neglected. Sometimes they are raped by their fathers or offered up sexually by drug addicted mothers.
My point is that I have seen men, women, and children lie in court. I have seen many an accuser brought down by a good cross or even a found email. Sometimes they will go silent, other times they will admit they lied on the record. I see false accusations in court all the time.
I hear so often that children never make us sex abuse allegations. Yet I have countless clients that have admitted to doing so. They do it to change foster or group homes. They do it to get back at other kids or staff. I once had a girl accuse boy because he didn’t like her back. She only confessed after he killed himself.
I am not saying that you are lying. You sound like you went through a horrible ordeal and came out on the other side stronger. It sounds like you made every effort to protect your children. I am not even saying Jason’s ex is lying. She may very well have been abused by him. What I am saying is that I can’t know for sure one way or the other. I will have to wait and see what evidence is presented by both parties.
•JessMa•
What you see is the worst cross-section of people. The ones tangled in a web of misery, abuse, and Darwinion survival strategies. So I have no trouble believing that you’ve seen more than your fair share of crap in court. But it’s not quite the same as a professional woman that entered into a relationship, had it sour, and then had her former partner offer (willingly) to help her achieve her dream of motherhood. They both even went so far as to draw up and execute legal documents that said he was a sperm donor only. She for whatever reason, after birth of her son and after the legal documents filed, re-entered a relationship with her former partner/willing sperm donor.
Now, there is a custody battle and he legally signed away any and all rights to her son. In addition, she’s stating he’s been abusive to her. During his heyday of the mid-to-late 80’s/early 90’s more than one girlfriend hinted at his explosive temper and abuse. Which is why I believe her.
Again, not the same scenario that you encounter in your job.
It’s looking like that video was faked. Manboobz went over it after questions were raised and it’s pretty obvious it was not filmed in the order the filmmakers say it was.
I want to thank you for the thoughtful comments and personal sharing on this (very public) thread. Not everyone agrees, and it’s okay. I’ve been enriched by what I’ve learned.