Jason Patric finally has a reason to celebrate. These are photos of him on a 2011 happy family vacay with his ex-girlfriend, Danielle Schriber, and their biological son, Gus. Jason and Danielle dated on and off for a decade, and they decided to get pregnant together while they were together.
That last part was a new revelation when we last heard from Jason, who insisted, “I’m not a sperm donor. I’m a willing co-parent.” The previous assumption was that Jason had given his sperm to Danielle when they weren’t together. Jason clarified by saying that he and Danielle were still a couple, and they only used IVF because she couldn’t get pregnant otherwise. Danielle wanted everyone to think Jason gave her his sperm as a parting gift but that wasn’t the case.
Here’s what we know for sure. Danielle got pregnant in 2009, and she and Jason broke up a bit later. They later got back together, and she welcomed Jason into Gus’ life as Daddy. Then they broke up again, and Danielle kicked Jason out of Gus’ life. Jason hasn’t seen his son since June 2012. He went to court in Febuary 2013 but was denied all custody rights. Jason kept on fighting and started the Stand up for Gus foundation. He argued for legislation to grant parental rights to sperm donors under specific conditions. He also appealed his court case. The appellate court has delivered some tentative good news:
Actor Jason Patric scored a victory Wednesday in his legal fight to see his biological son, Gus, 4.
A California Appellate Court has reversed a lower court’s finding that he has no parental rights over the child. The question of whether Patric is the legal father is expected to resume at trial where it left off in February 2013.
The boy’s mother, Danielle Schreiber, 41, has alleged that Patric, 47, was merely a sperm donor when they conceived Gus through in vitro fertilization in 2009; he contends he was a willing coparent all along.
A Los Angeles Superior Court judge previously had dismissed the actor’s paternity claim because he and ex-girlfriend Schreiber were not married at the time of conception, and found they had no coparenting agreement in place.
Patric and Schreiber, who had dated off and on for about 10 years, split for good in June 2012. He filed a paternity claim shortly thereafter.
The actor has been forbidden by Schreiber, who currently is the sole legal parent, from seeing Gus for more than a year.
“I think this time around, Patric has a good chance of winning parental rights for the simple fact that, for a certain period of time, his ex-girlfriend encouraged Patric to have a relationship with the child and held him out as the father,” says L.A. family lawyer Lynn Soodik, who’s not involved with the case.
Schreiber’s attorney Patrica Glaser tells PEOPLE: “We respectfully disagree with the court of appeal. We are exploring our options and should make a decision shortly. The best interest of the child continues to be our goal. His well being, not publicty [sic], will dictate how we proceed.”
[From People]
Jason’s fight for Gus is not over yet, but this is a step in the long fight against parental alienation. I hope Jason prevails and is allowed back into his son’s life. There were never any allegations from Danielle that she was keeping Gus away from Jason for safety reasons. She just flat-out didn’t want Jason around, and that’s not fair to Gus. Jason is eager to be a daddy to his son, and the court sees reason to question Danielle’s decision. Good.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet
How could it not be in the best interest of the child to have his biological father (who is not abusive) as a willing co-parent? I don’t understand how she got there in the first place. Best of luck to Mr. Patric.
Totally Agree +111111111111
+1
+1 I know nothing about either of them as parents, but judging from these pics and his legal battle she let him into their son’s life and he wants to be a father to their child. I see no reason not to let him have a relationship with his son. If the court finds he is stable and willing to parent and the only obstacle preventing him from a consistent relationship with his son has been the child’s mother, I think he should be granted joint custody.
I agree. I am sorry but she sounds like she got butt hurt when they broke up again. She has never alleged that he was abusive to her or to their son. She just tried to claim he was a sperm donor and should have no rights. She sucks.
They were off and on for ten years. You know what really hurts kids? When dads are “off and on”. I can see why she’d be nervous. That’s not butthurt; wondering if he’s going to be like that with the kid, too.
fairyvexed
She could be the ‘off and on’ part.
Just because he’s off an on with her, doesn’t mean he won’t be an available dad.
God, this is a turnaround in H’wood! How weird that she totally blocked him. Unless there is something unpleasant we don’t know about? If not, this is so wrong of her.
Fairyvexed, if she was concerned about him being “on and off”, she shouldn’t have had his baby. If she wanted a child that was 100% her own, without the involvement of the man that helped create the child, she should have used an actual sperm donor, not a long term boyfriend.
@Fairyvexed someone breaking up with you and still wanting to be a father to their child has nothing to do with the other.
Frankly there are too many men who poof when they break up with someone and are not around for their child at all.
The fact that he has been fighting for so long to be part of his son’s life and the fact that the mother has nothing to say that sounds the least bit damaging about Jason Patric’s ability to parent his son besides, well he’s just the sperm donor to me makes her sound butt hurt 🙂
Also what Tiffany said. She could have chosen to have an anonymous donation but she didn’t since it sounds like there was still sperm from him when they were together and she was undergoing IVF. Let’s not forget that she was fine with him being called daddy until they broke up again.
Ugh
I so agree
My man’s ex has put my man through the same thing (parental alienation) and it’s so sad. He’s a great father.
I don’t understand why she is allowed to be so selfish and just decide her son doesn’t need a dad simply bc she doesn’t want that relationship. It’s not about you lady. It’s about your son. You need to own up to the fact that he was good enough to date for 10 years and good enough to be the bio dad so take responsibility for your choices and stop punishing your son.
This kind of thing is infuriating.
Btw obv if the dad were abusive that would be different.
Because making a decision to have a child with someone you have been “off and on” with for TEN years is a terrible idea. Usually one of the parties is an asshole if its been draggin on that long, and you’re in for a world of hurt if it’s the woman, because she has automatic favor in custody cases.
Yes, it was a terrible idea, but, one that was made by both the mother and father.
I so agree!
Because at least in earlier reports about the case, Patrick had actually signed legal documents stating that he was ONLY a sperm donor and wanted no part of the child’s life, and never legally amended them even after the two reunited. Now, if those documents don’t exist we’ve got a completely different situation, but if they DO exist Patrick simply has the same rights any sperm donor would have, which is none.
That’s what I don’t get. That’s been the story for like three years now…was that all BS? I’m confused.
I don’t get it either. Because if what she was claiming really was false, it would have been easy to prove and this wouldn’t have dragged on like this.
MSat wrote this below. I don’t know if it is true, but it adds some detail worth looking into.
“He signed an agreement with the girlfriend stating that he consented to allowing his sperm to be used for IVF purposes. This is required because even though they were a couple, they were not married. Jason’s lawyer was with him on CNN this morning and explained that there are two different documents: one is for straight-up sperm donors, either anonymous or known, who don’t want to be named as the father or have any parental rights, and another for men who are in a live-in relationship/common law marriage but have no legal marriage with the mother. The second one does not sign away parental rights; that’s the one Jason signed. “
I just don’t understand why anyone would try to keep a parent from their child if they are willing to parent and aren’t a danger to the child. I think it’s just selfish.
AGREE! It is SO SELFISH.
It’s really awful
I feel like it’s important for a child to have both parents involved if at all possible (I know sometimes one or both parents sucks).
I’m sick of seeing the importance of the dad taken away. This proud single mom, I don’t need his dad, he’s a sperm donor crap happens way too often. I see it from girls I know all of the time
Dads matter too.
Surely there is some medical documentation of her prior struggles with infertility to prove it wasn’t just him popping into the clinic for a donation. If she did make the whole thing up just to cut him out of her life, shame on her.
I don’t know wheter she really is unfertile, but should the fact that they have been a couple for a decade not be taken into consideration? I mean let’s say they were broken up at that time and let’s say it really was some kind of “oooh but you still should be the father of my child no matter what”-decision. Just the fact that they were a couple for that long makes it a total different situation. If she really only wanted the sperm, why didn’t she make a pick from the catalogue? How can someone believe that having a child with your ex(?)-partner of 10 years with a “no strings attached”-attitude would be a walk in the park? This whole thing is just so so weird.
The fact that she allowed him to co-parent should make any sperm donation contract invalid
It’s funny cause I read an article about a lesbian couple who had a friend donate his sperm so they could turkey baster their way into parenthood. They didn’t draw up legal documents. When the couple split, one of the moms filed for government assistance for the baby and the sperm donor was ordered to pay child support
Now this is kinda the opposite outcome
@Audrey I saw that case! I felt so bad for that guy since in that case he was never once involved with the child at all and could not believe he was being ordered to pay child support.
good for him. i can’t believe that his ex would keep him away from his son, given that apparently he was a good dad. it sucks when people let their personal pride/hurt feelings/whatever obscure the best interest of their children.
She dated him on and off for 10 years and then tried to relegate the man to being a “sperm donor”??? WTF?!? I wonder if she was just trying to get back at him for their relationship falling apart or she’s just crazy?
They dated. Broke up. She asked him to be a sperm donor. Why? Likely because she would know the genetic history and features. That’s why many people opt to have someone they know donate than go for a random donation at a clinic.
He was fine donating and having nothing to do with his sons life and documented this well.
They got back together, he bonded with his son and only then fights for rights.
His story has changed and there are a million red flags that come up when he’s not giving a scripted and false facts interview. This guy is putting on a show.
“….His story has changed and there are a million red flags that come up when he’s not giving a scripted and false facts interview. This guy is putting on a show…..”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you. I don’t believe his story at all.
He reminds me too much of Alec Baldwin in his performance. In his one man show of …..”Poor me! All I am trying to do is be a parent”…. when actually is was all done to torture the ex (Danielle Schriber) whom with great reason, had dump them.
And the one thing that keeps me on her/Danielle’s side of this issue…. was she had legal documents drawn up as a precaution.
Patric made it clear he did not want any legal responsibility for the child. Including financial. For me… she knew exactly what kind of character he was… and wanted to insure she had control of her sons life.
Patric has always been a piece a work. And giving these woeful poor Jason interviews has not changed my mind. I recall she never kept Gus from Jason. Until Jason changed his mind and wanted to take Gus on demand. When ever he wanted. And her not have a say so about it. Then filed paperwork to suddenly claim he wanted to be parent with rights. Because she had the only paternal rights to Gus and was stopping Jason from taking off with the son, when he wanted.
There is more to this story. And I am not buying what he is selling. At all. I have seen too many Fathers use their children to torment the ex… to believe that all this is about just seeing his son.
Still, you have no idea how much you are going to love your baby until it’s born. Who cares what steps it took to get to this point. He has bonded with the baby, he obviously loves the baby and wants to co-parent. Life is hard enough as it is. The mother should be happy to have someone to help raise her son. Also, if she gets her way and prevents Jason from seeing the kid, I guarantee the boy will hold it against her when he grows up.
I thought they both agreed that they were together when IVF was started. It was only after they had started that they broke up, before reuniting later.
It’s not fair to make assumptions without knowing the full story from both sides, but here I go: it seems to me that Danielle is very selfish and has no regard for the best interest of her son. She doesn’t want her ex hanging around. Meanwhile her son’s father has been fighting to see him for years! I bet lots of single mothers whose kids’ fathers abandoned them would love to smack some sense into her.
My knowledge of the situation is limited, but from what I recall the only justification that she had that was legally legitimate was that he signed over his paternal rights as when he became a sperm donor.
In her case, she had not said that he had been violent or neglectful our exhibited any other behavior that would paint him as unfit parent. No, she’s using her son as the pawn in a power play.
He didn’t ever sign over parental rights. That’s misinformation her camp put out. Parental alienation is a horribly abusive thing to do to a child. She is being selfish and I hope she gets put in her place.
Yes!
She was dead ass wrong to let him bond with the child as his father, and then try to deny him rights when she tired of him. So hypocritical that her public statement reads that she’s acting in the best interest of the child while willfully barring him from having a relationship with his father.
I know this was talked about a length in the last post but unless there was a danger to the child, I can’t see how she was allowed to block access to a child who had previously had contact with him.
If the agreement was that there when the donation was made, that there was to be no contact then she and he should have stuck to that, put their own feelings aside and not restarted a relationship or had a agreement in place that once he started to have contact, that in the event of the relationship turning sour, there was a plan for contact.
Get your affairs in order people. I say the same to any of my friends who have children. Ive seen far too many people using children as pawns, and it’s despicable.
I don’t know anything about these two, or how they were together BUT Jason wants to be in his son’s life and that is not a bad thing, more love is never a bad thing. This is good news for Gus.
I really don’t like how public this mess became. The child has a right to privacy and Patric violated that by getting in front of every camera possible.
I also find it troubling that Patric never signed the birth certificate and then when questions gave a BS excuse about why he didn’t sign it.
Good. Unless Jason is abusive which the mother never alledged to my knowledge there’s no reason to deny Gus a continuing relationship with his Dad. That kid will resent her when he’s old enough to understand what happened. It’s a completely selfish thing to do.
He was on GMA this morning and really dispelled a lot of inaccuracies that have been reported, for example: he didn’t sign parental rights away.
Honestly, though, if your child’s father wants to be in his life… why is that a bad thing? For godsakes…
Oh really? Well then she (his ex) doesn’t have a legal leg to stand on. I remember reading elsewhere that they were together when she was trying IVF but the strain of that is what led to them breaking up and she eventually got pregnant and they got back together.
He didn’t sign the birth certificate either. Which ended up being a huge part of the problem. And when he was questioned about why he claimed it was because of the paparazzi. What paparazzi are following this guy? His story is questionable.
Hmm. Well I do know that TMZ and others pay through the nose for celebrity children’s names depending on the child. Didn’t they look North West’s birth certificate. However, the sad thing is here Jason Patric is not a huge star anymore. Maybe back in the 90s this be a big deal, but now. Eh.
@starrywonder
That is exactly my point, What Patric is saying there, doesn’t make sense. Reality is the news that he had a kid might have been in a blurb of a magazine at best. He is not a big star to the point that he would have needed to worry.
Stars can keep information quiet if they choose to. Kerry Washington, kept the news of her child’s birth, a secret for a few weeks. And she is one of the biggest stars on television right now.
Merritt, information doesn’t have to be highly sought after to have value. People will still sell something even if they can make $5 from it. And it might not affect his life so much as that of his child.
It is very possible and likely that Kerry Washington used special tactics to kept her child’s information private (using aliases or non-professional names, not filing records until the deadline to file is near, etc.). What might seem odd on the outside can make sense when you see the extraordinary lengths that people will go to to get ANY kind of information about ANY kind of celebrity.
@Tiffany
To a certain point. But that is not the reality here. If you look the only real press attention he has had, is regarding this case, and only because he is seeking out interviews. He is choosing to put this child’s life out there for public consumption.
This guy is claiming a problem, that didn’t exist for him.
The only way I can see him having any issue with the press, is if he was drunk or high on the street. And maybe then there would be coverage. Because the tabloids love a tale about a washed up actor who has fallen on hard times.
Merritt, I can say from experience that even lesser known celebs, people that your average person wouldn’t know by name, can still have their information used for profit. He actually had a lot of press earlier in his life…Julia Roberts left him just before their wedding and ran off with Keifer Sutherland. He is related to Jackie Gleason. As I said, it probably seems odd to people like you and me who don’t care about D- list celebs…but they still have similar security/privacy problems that big stars do. It is a crazy world and a crazy industry.
This is totally unrelated to y’all’s discussion, but those swim trunks are atrocious.
If so, what a bitch. What a horrible thing to deny your child, a loving father. People who use children as pawns are a special kind of ignorant.
I hope he wins. His wife is crazy. Why would you not want your child to have a relationship with the father when he obviously want to be there for the child? The wife sounds very Halle Berry-ish.
She’s not his wife. They were never married.
The only person who is really going to come out effected is Gus. I’ll never understand selfish parents (because men can be just as bad as women) who won’t let their kids see their mom/dad. Poor baby.
I’ll be the voice of dissent here.
I don’t think he should have any rights to this baby. He made it very clear that he was ONLY the sperm donor in this situation. He insisted on a contract being signed that if he gave his sperm to her, he would never be responsible for this child both financially and physically. It was a legal contract.
The implications if he wins could be awful for the many sperm donor babies in the world. He should have no legal rights to this child. He signed those away, willingly, I might add. Personally, I find it to be short sided on his part to sign the contract in the first place and quite arrogant to assume it should be null and void just because he wants the child now.
So legally, I hope he doesn’t win.
Now, in this case, because he has spent time with the child and bonded, I hope she gives in a bit and allows the child to see his dad. Rising above it all would be lovely.
I kind of agree with you. Jason provided his sperm and didn’t want to have anything to do with the child. He spent some time with the child,found out that he liked being a dad and changed his mind. It sounds like she was just holding him to that agreement.
That’s not accurate. I just saw Patric on an interview on CNN in which he showed the actual documentation he signed. He never signed away his parental rights. Also – why was it okay for him to be an active parent to Gus while he was in a relationship with the mother, but now, it’s not? Clearly this was a punitive move on her part- problem is, the child is also being punished.
What did the document say? I think that is really important.
He did not sign away his parental rights.
If he wasn’t a father to her son than she should not encourage him to call Jason” daddy “.She should not have written To daddy on Christmas Cards,birthday cards.If he was just supposed to be a family friend to the child callhim “Uncle Jason or Mr. Jason not”daddy”.Now the boy has probably forgotten Jason
He signed an agreement with the girlfriend stating that he consented to allowing his sperm to be used for IVF purposes. This is required because even though they were a couple, they were not married. Jason’s lawyer was with him on CNN this morning and explained that there are two different documents: one is for straight-up sperm donors, either anonymous or known, who don’t want to be named as the father or have any parental rights, and another for men who are in a live-in relationship/common law marriage but have no legal marriage with the mother. The second one does not sign away parental rights; that’s the one Jason signed.
As far as the birth certificate – good point about his different stories for not being on it, but in terms of parental rights, it doesn’t matter. And, he can petition to have his name added to it if he wants.
Thanks for the info, MSat!
Even if this is true, she willingly let him into their son’s life. She forfeited the right to relegate Patric to sperm donor status once she chose to do that. It was no longer in the best interest of the child to deny him a relationship with the man who is half responsible for his existence.
If there was a legal document and they didn’t amend it, her letting him into the kid’s life doesn’t forfeit it. By that logic, boyfriends would be able to sue for custody of a girlfriend’s children, as they were let into their lives. Now, there are conflicting reports about what he did sign which would make a difference.
I’m sure you are right about the legalities. I wasn’t talking strictly in those terms, though I do think the fact he is related to the child should merit some consideration by the courts. Biology certainly does not make one a parent, but that connection along with the fact that he wants to be a parent to his biolgical offspring and the mother’s decision to allow him to help raise the child and develop a bond with him while they were together makes it seem like the best option as far as the child is concerned would be to let him have a relationship with Patric (provided JP proves he is ready, willing and able to support the child on a consistent basis, of course.)
If such a contract really existed, wouldn’t the first judgment be based on it and not on the ” not married at the time of conception without coparenting agreement in place” argument ?
His version makes a lot more sense than hers. Who the hell wants their ex’s sperm? Especially when you can go online and for less than $1,000 order anonymous sperm whose donors will never ask for custody?
when this story first came out, it was said that he agreed to give her his sperm (because she really wanted a child with him) in exchange for her not seeking what she was legally entitled to of his assets (due to the fact that they were together, but not married, for so such a long time).
“A Los Angeles Superior Court judge previously had dismissed the actor’s paternity claim because he and ex-girlfriend Schreiber were not married at the time of conception, and found they had no coparenting agreement in place.”
In order to have parental rights you need to be married or have an agreement in place???? What?!
He didn’t sign the birth certificate, and when asked claimed it was because of the paparazzi. There is something wrong with his story. The fact that they used IVF is also part of the issue. Had this been a regular pregnancy situation, this would not have been an issue.
You do not need to sign a birth certificate to be a parent. That is not a legal requirement.
Because there are so many versions of how all of this went down, I think we need to take information with a grain of salt, as I am doing about the reasoning why he didn’t sign the birth certificate. If the were “off” when she went into labor, it is veyr possible she didn’t notify him that it was time to sign. It seems she was already trying to cut him out when the child was born.
@Tiffany
I’m aware of that. But the fact that he didn’t looks bad. As does the fact he gave a ridiculous answer as to why he didn’t sign it. He claims it was due to the paparazzi. But he doesn’t have a paparazzi problem. In fact all the information about him on gossip sites etc, is related to this story and the interviews he keeps giving. He appears to be using the media as a weapon and ensuring that only his side is getting out there.
I just find it interesting that when women use the media, they are called famewhores. But when he does it, it is because he wants to be a good dad. It is a double standard. He has exposed the child’s private life for public consumption. People here are insisting that the mom is selfish but she didn’t go to the media, but Patric’s behavior doesn’t look good to me. When the kid grows up, he may not appreciate his life having been in the media, in this way.
I feel like the mother HAS gone to the media, as that is where the unfactual claims that he signed away his paternity rights, he was just a sperm donor, etc. came from.
Actually most of her side has been reports on what her lawyer argued in court. She has been far less willing to fight this out in the media.
And I’ve yet to find anyone who can defend Patric’s story about the paparazzi being the reason he is not on the birth certificate. It sounds like a lie. There is no evidence that he is a paparazzi target, most people probably don’t even know who he is. Numerous people just seem to be taking what he says as truth and not analyzing.
If a person is having their child kept from them, I don’t fault them for doing everything they can to change that, including getting public support.
With the birth certificate item, from my experience, I know that is a common tactic that is used by celebs to keep their kids records from being scrutinized by press. I know from some perspectives it may sound odd, but it is a common practice. I dont know the details of why it would be advised, but I know it isn’t unique to him or this situation.
Violating the privacy of the child is inexcusable. Public support might change laws regarding men who donate sperm, which could have unintended consequences. But public support, should not have an impact on family court. This is a battle for the courts, not the media. He wants his way, regardless of the consequences, and he is hurting the child to do that.
As far as not signing the birth certificate goes, I don’t know if it’s different in California, but since they weren’t married he would not automatically be added as the father. If the mother is married, the presumed father is her husband, but if she’s not married, then the father has to sign a notarized statement of paternity to file with the state in order to be listed on the birth certificate.
I hate hearing about stories like this, as a mother who begged my daughter’s father for years to be involved I don’t understand her pushing him out, obviously he wants to see his son and I’m glad he’s fighting her. They were together for 10 years and in the pictures they sure as hell seem to be co parenting. I’m not buying her story at all, why would you use IVF with a boyfriend unless you had to? Most people would save the cash and do it the old fashioned way, not to mention if she forced him to go through IVF because they weren’t a couple why would she not make him sign legal documents beforehand? and she wouldn’t have let him be involved at all in the beginning, nothing makes sense from her side, she just sounds bitter and controlling.
+1. Exactly, why go through IVF with a boyfriend. If she wanted to go that route and not have the father involved, then she should have gone to a sperm bank to do so. To have him be a willing, loving, and caring participant and allow him to bond with the child and then take away that privilege is cruel. She should have gotten anonymous donor if that’s what she wanted.
Amen to that. So many men can’t be bothered to visit their kids and she is pushing him away. What a selfish woman. My daughter asks why her dad doesn’t visit her all the time even though she has an awesome step dad and I never have a good answer for her. What a dumb b*tch. Talk about taking things for granted.
Jess
Well said
She’s being very selfish. How can she argue her son doesn’t deserve and even have a right to know his father? A father who WANTS to spend time and love on his son?!
It’s just really selfish.
I’m really happy to read this. Jason wants to be an active Dad, I’m glad the courts are going to allow him to be.
Gus wins!
It amazes me his rights were even question. There’s clear evidence he was not simply a donor, they had a lengthy relationship before and after the child was born, and he and the child had a relationship as well.
I’m in the planning stages to be a single mother by choice, and I never considered using a “known donor” for this reason. I’m not saying that Jason was a “known donor”, but the law hasn’t really caught up with the technology and the choices that we are making for our families. While I can totally see the benefit of using a male friend, the issue is that you can’t enforce a contract that it contrary to state law.
Best wishes ctkat1!
Good for you, and nothing but the best of luck!
I found a chilling confession in our local paper – it is food for thought – written by a single mother – she didn’t choose to be so her situation could be different from yours because you are making a choice rather than have the father take off for whatever reason. It is scary for her little boy what she is expecting of him – a big burden for a little person – this little guy desperately needs another parent before he is damaged and made into a pet by his ‘mom’ – never feeling never good enough because he can’t be her ‘husband’, which is what this lady seems to be expecting of her kid. She appears to be expecting her kid to give to her what she feels a partner should and not grateful for what her little son does give her in life . This is why there is that saying it takes a village to raise a child. This child is being mentally abused because he doesn’t have another parent in his life.
http://www.straight.com/confessions/1301/dont-think-youre-not/page/3
I hate mother’s day
posted Saturday, May 10, 2014 at 2:13pm
I Hate Mother’s Day. I fight back the tears when my son reaches to the bottom of his backpack and pulls out a crumpled up card that smells like last weeks lunch. This guilty feeling consumes me. I’m ashamed that I want more. I see the married moms with fresh cut flowers and bellies full from brunch. The parade of wives walking leisurely with their family as they shop at the farmer’s market. I swear one was wearing a tiara, and waved at me in pity. Yes, I am grateful for the sponge bob stickers. Yes, it is unfair to expect more from a child. Yet somehow in my heart I hope only for what the other mothers get. Warm waffles with whipped cream and a leisurely stroll where I can look at things I can’t buy without a complaining kid tugging at our sleeves to rush up. My boy suffers through my cycles. He has no choice but to watch me debate which tampons to buy. He has nowhere to hide when I shop for intimate items and probably shouldn’t know the benefits of an underwire bra. This year I will do better. I will remember that this is a position I took willingly. I didn’t become a mother for all the glory of changing diapers, packing lunches and the annihilation of my abdomen. I will remember that my son is a victim of circumstance. All I will ask for an extra ten minutes of snuggling in the morning. Whatever he gives me (whatever he doesn’t give me) I will be grateful for.
There are plenty of people, mothers and fathers who have children for the wrong reasons, or to fulfill some personal fantasy. It’s not only single mothers.
Also, your interpretation of this is a bit harsh.
It’s one of the reasons I chose an anonymous donor. While that certainly is not without its own issues, there is no clean legal definition for donors in the US. A man is legally either a father or he is not. It might not pass through court, but there is nothing to keep a man from suing for custody or a mother from suing for support, even with written contracts. And I never wanted any friend who had done me a favor to feel like I could take advantage of that generosity at a future date.
I know another SMC who had a child with an ex-boyfriend. He already had children and did not want more — and they had already split. It’s worked well for them — he lives in a town several hours away, and sees his daughter periodically. She calls him Dad, but he has the role of an uncle in her life. But in that case, the child was not conceived while they were still a couple — and expectations were very clearly discussed ahead of time.
Best wishes on your journey ckat1!
Sounds more a case of parental alienation by the mother towards father and son. The mother is doing harm to her son.
I am happy for him but mostly happy for the kid. Every kid needs both their parents in their lives. Now if he is abusive that is a different matter but in my experience of seeing my son’s reaction to his father not only leaving me but him as well and the anger is still with him. There are worse things that people can do to each other I know but abandoning one’s child is pretty low in my opinion.
I know plenty of stories where women try alienate the father, not adding the father’s name in the birth certificate, etc… I am not saying that what’s going on, but it could be the case.
His career is pretty dead. He must be spending a fortune on legal fees, etc., as long as this has been going on.
I don’t know what he signed upfront, but paternal rights are not the same as being in a child’s life. She always allowed him to exercise the latter. With paternal rights, he will have a say about all important choices for the child, like schooling, doctors visits, change of residency etc. It’s not visiting rights, which he actually had. If he didn’t sign the birth certificate, he is not legally listed as the father. And there must be a reason why he didn’t do that. And I don’t believe the silly story about the paparazzis, because he is actually using them now to portray himself as a caring father who is denied his rights. Who of these two is more selfish is hard to decide, and I already feel sorry for that little boy.
“It’s not visiting rights, which he actually had”
The mother allowing visitation and having visitation RIGHTS are not the same thing. He hasn’t been able to see his child for almost 2 years. If he had visitation rights, he would have legally been entitled to see his child, despite the mother’s view on the matter.
Good for him.
Whether or not he was merely a sperm donor, I think all bets were off when she allowed him to play daddy.
I feel like the details, the timeline, the specific language of the documents make so much of a difference in this case. Until we see the actual documents and know when exactly they were together or not, it will be hard to know one way or another.
That being said…I am confused/disturbed by CA’s laws apparently equating IVF with “sperm donation”. While they both use assisted means to impregnate a woman, I feel like they are VERY different things. Does the law in CA really treat them in the same way if the couple is not married, as it seems?
Knowing male friends that have used IVF to conceive their children, it makes me wonder if they were at risk for losing their parenting rights if the relationship went sour. What if a man donated sperm while married, but the woman used the samples and was impregnated after a divorce without getting him to sign a parental agreement? Would the man have parental rights, as the CA law seems to hinge on marriage status or agreements? Being a non-traditional atheist who doesn’t subscribe to religious marriage for myself, it makes me wonder how the law can pin parenthood on the marriage status, as the CA law seems to do.
This has really got me thinking…
“What if a man donated sperm while married, but the woman used the samples and was impregnated after a divorce without getting him to sign a parental agreement?”
Wait, does the guy know she’s using the samples? (I’m assuming no … she’s doing it without his knowledge/consent.)
Frozen sperm/embryos are considered assets in a divorce, so disposal/ownership would’ve been sorted out then. (If one spouse wants to keep them or donate them, while the other spouse wants them discarded, then the spouse who wants them discarded wins. The “right not to be a parent” outweighs the “right to be a parent”.)
The only way for your scenario to take place would be for her to commit fraud, and somehow “steal” the sperm/embryo. I’m not a lawyer, but IMO, he could not only sue for paternity, he’d also have a good chance of suing her (and the clinic) for damages!
I find it kind of odd that he’s all for the rights of sperm donors if he’s claiming he was not, in fact, a sperm donor.
Also, since he’s “not a sperm donor”, I would hope he’s been paying child support all this time. Being a dad is more than just photo ops.