Gwyneth Paltrow’s aura-reading confirms that she’s an amazing person

✨MY STARS✨ I had a lovely time shooting GP last week. Read all about it on goop.com🙇

A photo posted by RADIANT HUMAN (@radianthuman_) on

You are looking at a photo of Gwyneth Paltrow’s aura. Seriously. In one of Gwyneth’s latest Goop-letters, she and her Goop staff agreed to be photographed by one of those special cameras that capture people’s “auras”. The cameras have been around for years, and some people believe that this is really a thing. That we’re releasing energy and auras and such. Eh. I mean, I sort of believe that people can have bad or good auras, but “reading” one’s aura from a special photograph? Nope. What’s really funny about this Goop-letter is that Gwyneth’s “aura” proves that she really is a special person and unlike all of the Goop-peasants that work for her. Of course. This is what Radiant Human said about Gwyneth’s aura:

“I rarely see an arc of green and yellow together—as they actually present a polarity that can be hard to reconcile. Because it’s an arc, it’s either a direction GP is reaching for, or it’s something that she has in her life and holds on a pedestal.

“So in color psychology, yellow is fashioned after the sun—it’s easygoing, expansive, creative, and it also indicates intelligence. People say, ‘Oh, they’re so bright,’ or they talk about shedding light on a subject—those are qualities of yellow. It’s a capable, loving, smart, and generous color that’s also very fun.

“Green represents ambition and being career-oriented. Green wants to work long, hard hours—as long as necessary to achieve its goals. Think of the green in nature—a tree pushing toward the sun, or a vine fighting its way up a trellis—green perseveres, it has determination and focus. It can be stubborn and impatient. It can hold on tight.

“So the arc indicates a polarity: Push and pull, being generous and saving money, holding on and letting go, working hard and having fun. Mediating those energies is hard, particularly because of the presence of blue throughout the photo, including across and around GP’s face. Blue is an emotional color, and it indicates that she feels things very deeply.

“The magenta is also fascinating: It’s the combination of red and purple (rather than separate hues, like what you see in the yellow and green above), and so it’s creative willpower. The purple is visionary and high-concept—it requires believing it’s part of a positive change in the world, of imagining what the world could be. When integrated with red, it becomes action-oriented. It means that she’s actually putting it out there and making moves to turn the vision into reality.”

[From Goop]

So basically Gwyneth is all the things. All the POSITIVE things. She is the most generous, most hard-working, most understanding, most deeply emotional and feeling person in the world. I mean, you wouldn’t pay thousands of dollars to have an aura-reading for the people to tell you that you’re a self-absorbed, humble-bragging, name-dropping elitist snot, right?

Meanwhile, Gwyneth and Chris Martin are on a holiday together with their kids in Mexico. Spring break!!! You can see some photos here.

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Photos courtesy of Instagram, WENN.

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42 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow’s aura-reading confirms that she’s an amazing person”

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  1. PunkyMomma says:

    April Fool’s day was yesterday.

    • Belle Epoch says:

      PUNKY you win the internets today!

    • Christo says:

      YES. Her face in that top pick looks so bemused yet arrogant….all-at-once. And if it weren’t enough that Gwyneth passive-aggressively tells us all about herself by instructing the rest of us how to live via Goop, she now has the paid-shill expand upon her wonderful aura. I wish she would just make a movie, but she, like so many other celebrities, has fell victim to the social media-infused personal branding that has exponentially grown like a cancer in the past 8 years. Monetize those mouseclicks, baby.

    • Sammy says:

      I love her. She’d ridiculously easy to poke fun of. I hope she continues to troll us till the end of time. I hope her children inherit her trolling so generations to come can also feel the same joy.

    • Anon says:

      The joy you just brought me. Thank you.

    • Lucy says:

      PunkyMomma, you win at life!!!

  2. Mojoman says:

    This is all I have to say: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  3. wolfpup says:

    IMO, for certain, she is not the most beautiful woman in the world!!!

    • ava7 says:

      Did you see the beach bikini photos?? Oh my, I was not at all impressed. Supposedly she has this amazing, healthy diet and works out with super trainer Tracey Whatshername? Whaaaaa???

  4. aims says:

    God, get over yourself.

    • Darkladi says:

      As a common woman, I don’t share Supergoop’s aura, but at least we both have physical bodies and beating hearts!

  5. InvaderTak says:

    Looks like a 60s lsd trip. Like, groovy, goopy.

  6. Cecada says:

    probably just the vapors she gives off post-vadge steaming

  7. JenniferJustice says:

    And I thought guys are stupid for paying strippers for positive attention…

    • Hautie says:

      LMAO! I know! Right! Geez, I have so many tales about stupid men and the strippers* that used them. (*I am not implying all strippers are out to make fools of men, with too much disposable cash. I just have not met any of them yet.)

      But yes… people believe what they want to believe. And Gwyneth, bless her heart, is determine to prove she is the chosen one of all things perfect.

  8. Fatale_Nerd says:

    Oh puhlease, Biggest crock of BS I’ve ever come across today ….

  9. FingerBinger says:

    I’m not going to knock it since there are people who really believe in this stuff.

  10. Jules says:

    LOL!…you just know that Goopy demanded a do-over about a dozen times because each time the test was done, Goopy’s “aura” came out beige.

    Goop: “Beige?!…again?!…oh, fuck it just write that my aura is rainbow colored…the peasants will never know…

  11. angie says:

    What ever happened to judging people by their actions?

  12. maeliz says:

    I need an aura too. I never know when my seizures are coming. Would it be all positive colors like Gyeneth?
    She always has droopy hair, expressions on her face and posture

  13. Jaded says:

    Which colour means insufferable?

  14. Anna says:

    *coughBULLSHITcough*

  15. Micki says:

    I don’t believe in auras but Goopy’s seem to be a contradictory mix and not exactly positive traits only.
    Is there any evidence of auras? I’ve never heard a thing.

  16. Dr.Funkenstein says:

    She’s just soooo boring.

  17. Nicolette says:

    Did it also confirm that she’s a narcissistic elitist snob?

  18. Jayna says:

    Thanks for the laugh today. I like Gwyneth. But I am embarrassed for Gwyneth some days, and this is one of them.

  19. Jonesy says:

    This looks like one of those cheesy Olan Mills portraits from the ’70′s.

  20. Cindy says:

    So, by goop’s reasoning, she is the most special of us all. She is the best, she has the best, she does the best, etc. WE, on the other hand are common, dull, simple and our lives have little meaning. And now, she has the photographic evidence to prove it. Okay. So, how about we tell her she wins, we finally see, we know in our hearts beyond a shadow of a doubt that she, goop, is extraordinary in all ways. Will she go away than? Leave us in peace? Stop having to show us? Goop, you win. Take your photo, have it enlarged, hang it on your walls, get copies, whatever. And than…….please please please please please please, etc., GO AWAY.

  21. BooBooLaRue says:

    Yes baby girl, you are a special flower. Now please go away.

  22. Nonny says:

    Face like a fanny. Aura like a crack wh*re

  23. Rhiley says:

    It is weird to vacation with your ex, even if it is primarily with the kids.

  24. Green Is Good says:

    Goopy is the comedy gold at the end of her rainbow aura.

  25. Ana says:

    It’s called ‘Kirlian photography’ Although I don’t believe in it, I do believe in auras.

  26. Iheartgossip says:

    Ha. HA. Sorry Goop; not true.

  27. jenn says:

    It looks like that aura photo was taken with some sort of cheesy phone app/filter!

  28. Maria A. says:

    I don’t know about this aura photography, but I have had run ins with people who were human black holes: they just sucked all the energy out of me. I dread them.