Jennifer Garner: We tell our kids we’re not ‘more important than anyone else’

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Jennifer Garner gave a few quotes to Yahoo! Parenting to promote her new crafts line with JoAnn Fabrics called We Made It. It includes products that will help kids and parents craft together. $75,000 from the proceeds will go to the Save The Children foundation, which Garner supports. She’s still going to make bank with this, but she seems really committed to offering things that are lasting and help spur creativity and interaction between families. In her introductory video on JoAnn Fabric’s site, Garner talks about learning to sew and embroider and how special it was to see her mom sewing with her daughters. My mom is a quilter and she does projects with my son, so I could relate to some of her stories.

Garner’s interview with Yahoo! was somewhat short but she said several notable things. She said that she and her husband Ben Affleck work to teach their children that they’re not above anyone, which is an important lesson for children of celebrities. She also said, in a roundabout way, that marriage is work and you have to be patient. We’ve heard that from her before and from Ben too, at the Oscars.

In the past, you’ve been outspoken about the concept of “post-baby bikini bodies” — how can new moms avoid pressure to achieve one?
Take [pressure] off yourself. Nobody can take it off for you. And don’t be on [social media]. You don’t see me on Instagram. I have an official Facebook page but I’m not reading what all my friends say on Facebook about how great their lives are because it makes you feel bad. I want to talk to my actual friends on the phone. I love seeing pictures and occasionally I will go through and look at all [my friend’s] Instagram photos but if you are not in a fantastic place — if you’ve just had a baby — don’t look at your friend’s hot beach picture…just don’t do it.

What’s the hardest part about being a parent in Hollywood?
It was the paparazzi, and that, Halle Berry lifted from my shoulders [with Senate Bill 606] and she is an angel. No Kids Policy. [The paparazzi] were so aggressive…but it’s no longer an issue. The hardest part is other kids talking to my children when we aren’t around. Like, ‘It’s so cool your dad’s being Batman’ and trying to control how much that inflates the idea that one person is more important than another. [My husband I] really work to manage that idea — that just because people react a certain way to us, it doesn’t mean we’re more important than anyone else. And [the kids] are pretty quick to cut us back down to size.

How does having a baby change marriage?
You just go on a ride together because you don’t know who you’re going to be when you first have a baby and you don’t know who [your partner] is going to be. You have to just hang in there while you figure it out — and have a lot of patience for each other.

[From Yahoo!]

I don’t use Facebook for my personal life, which is mostly because I just set it up for Celebitchy from the beginning. Occasionally, when I’m hanging out with a group of people, they’ll all be on their phones scrolling through Facebook and I find it somewhat maddening. I understand checking email or texts occasionally when you’re out for hours socially, but not Facebook! Anyway I related to what Garner said about social media. Celebrities would probably want to avoid that kind of toxic environment on Instagram and Twitter too.

I’ve seen some of the videos of the paparazzi around Garner and Affleck’s children back in the day and they were absolutely swarmed. While I don’t doubt that they use it to their advantage sometimes PR-wise, the passage of the No Kids Policy surely helped them a lot. Kids don’t deserve to be yelled out and followed wherever they go. I wouldn’t call Halle Berry an angel though.

Update: Garner has another interview with US Magazine in which she reveals that she puts her foot down with her kids and doesn’t let them have whatever they want. She said “You treat them like real kids. They have boundaries and they have rules and they throw fits.”

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Moms + SocialGood 2015

Jennifer Garner Makes A Morning Coffee Run

Photo credit: and JoAnn Fabrics

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68 Responses to “Jennifer Garner: We tell our kids we’re not ‘more important than anyone else’”

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  1. Miss Gloss says:

    Well if you keep making movies like 13 Going on 30, you sure aren’t more important than anyone else.

    • LB says:

      What’s wrong with 13 going on 30? I love that movie.

      • CM says:

        Agreed! I think that was the start of my (G)Ruffalo obsession…

      • smcollins says:

        Me, too! It’s a really cute movie (that she made over 10 years ago). One of her most recent films was Dallas Buyers Club, so she doesn’t always go for the rom-coms. She tends to mix it up, which I like. 🙂

      • paranormalgirl says:

        I know, I love that movie.

    • MrsBPitt says:

      I loved 13 going on 30…that Thriller dance part, always cracks me up!

    • nancy says:

      Okay, she’s not going to win an Oscar but there’s no question that she’s had a tremendous amount of success and despite box office bomb after bomb, keeps getting work – not just movies, but a lot of endorsement work.

      The thing I like about Garner is she seems genuine and unlike a lot of Hollywood moms, really is hands on with her kids – to the extent she can be as a working actress. Also, I admire her for not jumping on the social media bandwagon and taking a stand against the paparazzi.

    • Debbie says:

      Haha god that was a terrible movie so beneath mark

    • Lola says:

      Even if it was a really good movie, they’re just actors. Instead of saying “they’re not more important” they should all remember they all play fictional characters.

      • Miss Gloss says:

        Exactly! It’s not like she’s curing cancer

      • Tiffany :) says:

        Did you really take from her comment that she was meaning the opposite of what she is saying? That she thought that they ARE more important because they are actors? Because that is how your comment reads and I don’t understand that interpretation.

        I know that even lower level celebrities get special treatment all of the time because people see it as an opportunity (to make connections, to get a gift, to have a story to tell friends, etc.). I don’t think that it makes a person self-important to acknowledge to their kids that even though sometimes people treat them differently, they are just normal people. I think it would be a mistake for a celeb parent to NOT have this conversation, honestly.

      • Alice says:

        I don’t understand the flak JG always catches here. She seems very nice, normal and down to earth. Also, a charming actress and very pretty . I like her.

    • lisa says:


    • Tiffany :) says:

      She’s being very humble here. I find it odd that you felt the need to take her down a peg. It seems unnecessary.

  2. Don't kill me I'm French says:

    So she thinks that her kids could think they are important because their dad acts Batman?! It’s a question to ask to the former Batman actors

    She or Affleck continue to be photographed every day with their kids.

    Does anyone ( here) know what Daily Mail’s politic about to pixel celebrity kids’s faces? They seem to have double standards.Sometimes they “hide” the faces and other times,they don’t hide the faces of these same kids

    • Guesto says:

      I think it’s depends on whether it’s a ‘private’ or ‘public’ pic. Take someone like Kate Moss who has always insisted her child’s face is pixilated. And the media honours that when pics are taken of Moss and her daughter going about their daily lives (eg. out walking, shopping, school run, eating etc etc.) If, however, she attends an event (eg. a film premiere, a kids’ event) with her daughter, then there’s no longer the expectation of privacy, and her daughter’s face will not be pixilated.

      • Don't kill me I'm French says:

        DM pixeled Goop/Martin’s kids at street where next week,they showed their face at beach . DM’s politic on the kids is weak

    • nancy says:

      I have been wondering the same thing – the DM totally has a double standard. First I thought it only applied when they were in the UK, but then I would see countless photos of certain celebs kids in the UK or the US without being blurred.

      When I’ve questioned it in the comments – if my comment hasn’t been deleted – other commenters have said that the celeb has to give permission for them to show their face or they will pixelate the face if the celeb tells them to. Neither makes sense because Garner (and others like Halle Berry) has been way more vocal about being anti-pap than say Gwyneth Paltrow yet Paltrow is the one they give special treatment to. Same with Gwen Stefani’s kids

    • Kara says:

      it comes down to how the celeb shields their private life. Probably also where the celeb is mainly famous. in England (on DM its mostly english celebs having their childrens faces pixeled) you have more privacy rights than in america, in France and Germany even more.

    • perplexed says:

      At their tender ages with no life experience to speak of, kids who aren’t the children of celebrities could probably (erroneously, of course) think Ben Affleck is important because he’s playing Batman, and the way those other kids react to the Garner dimple trio could in turn affect their mindset as Garner herself explains.

      I have no idea what Garner is like in real life, but she does give good advice. Maybe Michael Douglas’s oldest kid wouldn’t be such a mess if Douglas had followed Garner’s advice.

      • Paleokifaru says:

        Agreed. And I have read a lot of Garner’s interviews and unlike some other celebs who go hard on being the face of parents in their shilling, I don’t find her very sanctimonious or judgmental. Does she prefer certain things for her kids? Yeah. But it’s not like GOOP swinging back and forth on diets and discipline.

      • Brittney B says:

        Yes, exactly. This has nothing to do with Hollywood, but when I was in (a private) grade school and middle school, the pretty, rich, well-dressed little kids had an inflated sense of ego. Some — even at the tender age of nine or ten — honestly believed they were better than me because their parents made more money, or because their uniforms (!!) came from a designer instead of a department store.

        When you grow up in a privileged bubble, and maids clean your bedroom for you, and politicians suck up to your parents, and your home is ten times nicer than your friends’ homes… you do start to become a little s***t if you’re not grounded in other ways.

    • lucy2 says:

      I would imagine as the kids get older, it’s their friends and schoolmates who might make a big deal of who their parents are, particularly Ben if he’s in superhero movies now, and they just want to balance that out by downplaying it at home.

  3. Wilma says:

    I really appreciate it that they both continue to talk about marriage in a realistic way. The celebrity standard narrative on marriage is tiresome. We know everything is not perfect all the time people!

    • MrsBPitt says:

      agreed…marriage can get tricky after you have kids…especially the second one, for some reason! It seems like all my friends, went through some marriage trauma after the second kid was born!

    • Brittney B says:


      It’s crazy to me that anyone views their honest comments as “red flags”. In my experience, the complete opposite is true! It’s the couples who sugar-coat everything, put on happy faces in public, walk on eggshells around each other, and pretend they’re perfect who always end up imploding dramatically. If you’re willing to acknowledge and address your problems, they don’t turn into marriage-ending nightmares.

      • paleokifaru says:

        Very well stated Brittney B! I completely agree. If you see there are bumps then you’re addressing them. In my family we often talk about how in a marriage you have about 3-4 recurring fights that are the fundamental differences of who each of you are. But if you mostly accept those and acknowledge that they’re differences and you’re both trying to work on being slightly better about change and acceptance then you’ll be fine.

  4. Jessica says:

    I hope she never complains about being asked about her family again.

    Seriously, it’s easy guys. Don’t open the door and give interviews about your parenting strategies and how much you love being a mom and how parenthood changed your relationship, and the press will leave it alone. When was the last time you saw Cate Blanchett or Julianne Moore talking to a parenting website about motherhood? Never? Hmmm, I wonder if that’s why journalists at junkets don’t ask them about that stuff…

    Before anyone says it’s for a good cause, plenty of celebrities support children’s charities, including this particular charity, without divulging anything about their personal life or their children’s personal lives.

    • Sofia says:

      She couldn’t “milk it” if she wasn’t selling the motherhood thing. The same with Jessica Alba and Goop. But yeah, she opens the door to it. Even for her kids, I mean talking about them in interviews when they don’t really have a say in it feels a bit… wrong?

      • Paleokifaru says:

        From everything I’ve read she’s kept it pretty generic and you’d be hard pressed to know which kid she’s talking about so it comes off as more general parenting stuff to me.

      • Sofia says:

        From what I read it is generic but it is still associating their brand, their image with the motherhood label. Even bloggers who do that when they become pregnant/mothers make me feel uncomfortable. I find ethical questionable. But I may be wrong.

      • paleokifaru says:

        I get what you’re saying, especially about the bloggers who are VERY specific with things about their children including stories and minute details of their lives and even body. I personally haven’t ever felt like Garner has crossed the line in anything I’ve read because nothing is too detailed or anything that is more revealing of the child than it is the parent. For example, generically saying all kids throw fits and it’s not tolerated is to me different than a specific story about the child throwing a fit. I’m always wary about that from bloggers because I personally knew a guy whose mom was a writer and he was pretty embarrassed by some of what she shared in her columns and they were certainly specific since we knew it was about him and not his brother. I do think parents should consider what they post or write on those shared media outlets and reflect on if they’re invading the privacy of their children. And also if the details they’re giving will make it more likely for their child to trust someone they don’t know. All that said, I think Garner and Affleck have come across as pretty reflective parents who have had a lot of conversations about their parenting and what they feel comfortable revealing.

  5. marie says:

    My husband was a phone junky when our oldest was born, but when she was 4 months old he freaking dropped her because he was so soaked into scrolling on his phone he forgot she was on his lap. In the moment I was furious, but it’s been years now and I haven’t seen him sucked into his phone while the kids are around since.

    I’ve never had social media, but it does seem like a Worthless time suck. So many people are all “I use it to keep in touch with family.” But I mean, why not just call your grandparents or text your dad?

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      Yikes! Glad everything turned out ok with your daughter. It sounds like your husband learned his lesson, though.

      I don’t use it to keep in touch with immediate family, but I have a huge extended family, and I love to see pictures of my cousins’ children and their children. I wouldn’t see them otherwise, and it makes a difference. When I put a comment on how cute they are or something, it helps us to establish a connection that we wouldn’t otherwise have only seeing each other once a year. Now, I can recognize their kids and know who all the spouses are, and we have more to talk about when we see each other. I’m not just another distant cousin or aunt they barely know. But people do overuse it. My niece just posted “loving spending time with my son,” and I thought, yet you stopped spending time to post it on FB. Ok.

      • piecesofme says:

        Here’s the thing I have loved about FB, actually, is the reconnection with people who I hadn’t seen or talked to in years. They aren’t necessarily people I would have sought out on to call, yet we have private messaged, and set up a long distance book club group, and had a face to face reunion meetup (even though we live in TX, NY, MN and CA!).

        And my dad and his brother had a contentious estranged relationship. I met my cousins maybe 3 times growing up? And yet via FB I’ve gotten to know them better. Again, we’ll never be besties and phone all the time, but I like knowing something about their lives and sharing with them.

        And I have another good friend who is very very ill–housebound. FB has given her friend and support interaction–allowed her to be more than her illness.

        That being said, I only log in to FB about twice a week and I have a manageable friends list…. people on my list are my friends and relations.

    • Brittney B says:

      For me it’s my mom… my boyfriend and I gave her an iPad for her birthday a few years ago, and it’s the first time I’ve ever been able to treat my mom to something she loves and uses daily and wouldn’t have purchased for herself.

      BUT… I regret it every time we hang out. She can’t even watch TV at home anymore without simultaneously playing a game or scrolling through Facebook. And she holds it up to her face to take pictures of happy moments and cool places… instead of seeing them through her own eyes. Screen addiction is so real.

      • Sofia says:

        Look for a TV series called “Black Mirror”. It’s really scary and very futuristic but it really opens our eyes about how things can be in the future in terms of our addiction to black screens.

  6. Blue says:

    Just when I thought she couldn’t get anymore annoying with her perfect bestest mommy in Hollywood who is just like you image, she starts schilling arts and crafts products. No wonder Ben ran away to Canada for a week.

  7. Rhiley says:

    Her children really seem to be sweet, down to earth, and fun loving. I saw a picture of little Sepherena the other day, and she seems to be a little flirt like her dad. And Violet has kind of a shy, somewhat nerdy (but absolutely adorable) look, kind of like her mom. Samuel is going to be a little heart breaker when he grows up. They seem to do lots of kid things too, like go to dance and karate and the library. Oh, and invite their friends to Build A Bear birthday parties. Jen and Ben can be a little eyerolly with their weird strolls with coffee through random parks and farmers markets, but I do think they are raising well adjusted, kind children.

  8. Jess says:

    Love her!! She seems so genuine and down to earth, bet their kids will stay grounded and not end up like many other celebrity offspring.

  9. Lol says:

    It doesn’t take a long time to blow dry your hair before leaving the house.

  10. snowflake says:

    she is so naturally pretty. i wish sometimes she would wear a little more makeup, be a little more “done.” she’s gonna age and not look like that forever, I would play it up while I could, ya know what I mean? I know she’s not on the prowl, but it seems a waste not to play up such a pretty face.

  11. Emily C. says:

    Kids follow what their parents do, not what they say. Ben Affleck acts like he’s more important than other people.

    Also, these two sure talk incessantly about how hard marriage is. My husband and I have had outside pressures far worse than paparazzi, and my relationship with him is one of the easiest things in my life. There will always be struggles, but if it’s THIS HARD, there is something wrong.

    • paranormalgirl says:

      Marriage is work. Sometimes the work is easy and sometimes it’s not.

      • paleokifaru says:

        Exactly. My job is work. That doesn’t mean I dislike it. I think sometimes the definition of work is a bit lost on different people. For me it’s showing up every day and putting in what you can – and let’s face it with any work sometimes you have good days and sometimes you have bad days where you realize you’re not giving it your all. But I appreciate that my husband always shows up and is always willing to put in more if I need it at that moment. And just like a job sometimes you have to get more creative or wear more hats than usual or neglect some aspects to focus. I have zero problem with marriage as work.

    • Sofia says:

      I guess that depends on the couples dynamics? Some couples need the challenge while others have a smooth way of relating. It depends on the personalities involved and what they bring to the marriage itself. For me it’s an adventure with someone who embraces change and growth as much as I do and that’s easy, but it doesn’t mean that the ones who face more challenging dynamics have a worst kind of marriage. That’s how I see it though.

      • paleokifaru says:

        I guess too I would amend my comment above to say maybe it’s a difference between say a job and a career? I think maybe people hear job and it sounds like something you just punch in and out of without any joy. Whereas I have a career I pursued and love (that perhaps being the ingredient people think is missing when you say work?), even when I struggle through it and even knowing I had some really rough years as a graduate student. So for me it’s a difference of looking at the work/marriage as something that you just want to get to a next level or different experience with versus it being something that you know you want in its entirety and you understand there will be different phases of it and like you say you will work with and accept those changes.

      • Sofia says:

        I guess it’s the idea of work=chore. But again different people have different relationship needs and in case of more than one marriage you can have a totally different kind of way of relating to the other and going through challenges differently too. Some may love routines, others will die with that and need constant motion and passion and ups and downs. But I don’t like the word work because of the “chore”association ^_^

      • paleokifaru says:

        It may depend on if you have kids or not too. There’s no way around some of that, especially the chauffeuring, being a chore even when you love them!

      • Sofia says:

        I don’t drive:P And when they are old enough I’ll encourage public trnasportation. The dreams of a non mother hahaha

      • paleokifaru says:

        I miss not driving and having public transportation. I didn’t have to seek out exercise then either!

  12. Sofia says:

    I get the sense she is a good mother, caring, self-aware and concerned about raising normal kids considering her context. But ANNOYS ME SO MUCH is how she a Ben seem to have the old school, conservative, dated approach of “mother takes care of everything and dad is kind of there doing not so much”. She seems to carry the burden (let’s not kid ourselves) by herself. Maybe I’m being unfair but Ben doesn’t come across to me as a parent who is really on top of things and knows how to be with his kids by himself without help.

    • A says:

      “mother takes care of everything and dad is kind of there doing not so much”.

      That seems pretty standard, even today and even for the most liberal of couples. Just something I’ve noticed.

      • Sofia says:

        Your comment just depressed me because deep down I do believe you are right about that. A psychologist friend just told me a few days ago that he had many male clients recently divorced that mourned not exactly the lost of their love partners, instead they feel completely lost about how to manage their lives in practical ways. They had always someone to take care of them and make decisions that sometimes annoyed them, but now they miss that. Ugh. It’s women responsibility too not to accept some behaviours and instead encourage a shift, otherwise it’s like going back to the 50’s. This makes me so sad:/

      • paleokifaru says:

        You may not be entirely wrong but I’d also say that sometimes you have to dig a little beneath the surface to see what’s happening. I know a lot of people whose relationships look that way until you realize their husbands do a lot of the really big projects (albeit still maybe more “traditional” ones) like major house and car repairs. And I also know a lot of couples who balance by work schedules and as one has a busier season the other steps up more at home and then they’ll switch. I think childcare can be an issue (to the couple – if it’s not then I have zero opinion on their agreement) and I know when I got married I made sure there were still certain things my husband was doing for his son. In part because you know, it’s his son, but also because I wanted to ensure that we wouldn’t be building a foundation of my doing everything and picking up the slack all the time. I sometimes wonder if people don’t discuss or think about these things beforehand and as they’re going through different stages?

      • Sofia says:

        You wrote a magical word: “switch”. If they are able to switch they must be doing something right, both of them!:D

        These things are never simple, right? But you pointed something that I was actually thinking moments ago: I’m surprised by friends of mine, couples who sort of live the daily stuff without really talking about the big issues. They avoid it because they don’t feel like discussing it knowing it can bring up issues. Shouldn’t that be sort of be worrying? But I’ve seen in several times. Even married friends and then suddenly she is frustrated because she thought he would help around with the new baby and finds out he is not really into it and she is so tired she can’t even fight about it and I’m like “didn’t you talked about this beforehand, about your expectations?” And this is people in early 30’s.

      • paleokifaru says:

        This is just personal experience but I’m also in my early 30s and I find that dropping it and not having discussed it beforehand is a lot more common with my friends who got married in their 20s. The majority of people I know who got married in their early 30s seem to have watched other relationships, experienced some themselves and realized what to discuss and what was a deal breaker. Just a pattern I’ve seen in my friends. That said, I’m sure it’s always hard as the female, no matter how much it’s been discussed, since you are the one who is pregnant and potentially you are breastfeeding. That has to be complicated!

    • Diva says:

      Ben seems not as committed to this marriage and kids, not like her. So, yes, this marriage is not ideal and a lot of work for Jennifer. Her husband is well-known in Hollywood as NOT a good husband.

      BTW, I love 13 going 30 and would love to see an Alias movie.

    • paleokifaru says:

      My husband and I do a pretty decent job of splitting the household duties load between us, including childcare to the extent our work schedules allow. That said some of those fall along “traditional” lines not because they have to but because of our own personal preferences. I like to cook and don’t particularly want to eat whatever he microwaves all the time! He’s actually had a lawn to care for for many years and I lived most of my adult life in apartments, etc. Jennifer had a baby at the end of her hit series and *could* have chosen to have more help and try to bank on that success. She chose to be more hands on and I don’t think that was forced by Ben. And it seems he wanted to push his career and she was willing to back him. That’s their choice and I think that’s fine. Now if they were super preachy about it I’d be annoyed and eye rolling all over the place. We know several couples like that and it’s really irritating to have the women’s jaws drop every time I state I’m not completely giving up my career for kids and I’m grateful to have flexibility in it for that reason.

      • Sofia says:

        “(…)some of those fall along “traditional” lines not because they have to but because of our own personal preferences. ” Just like you said it’s about choice. If you like doing something that is typically associated with a woman that’s fine, you don’t need to be a contrarian just to prove a point. The issue is that when you feel you can’t just rely on your partner, when you feel sort of trapped into whatever he feels you have to do. When he is not that interested in learning something he may not like that much but when needed will be able to do. In their case she invites conversation about motherhood, and even confessed he knew very little about the kids schedules and school work because she was the organized one. She portrayed him a bit as incapable of doing “mom’s work”. Even the support she gives him seems a bit contrived because he is the one doing the big projects. You could say that he had better opportunities but we don’t really know that unless he stayed at home alone (In a interview one of them confessed Ben needed the nanny help) and asked, embraced that responsability. I get the sense that we, women lie to ourselves a lot just not to make a fuss and challenge whatever is going on even if uncomfortable. That’s what I see here. But we only know them from interviews, this is all theory and gossip:D

      • Sofia says:

        Just an extra note: this could go both ways, like learning stuff about the car, using the black&decker drill… Men’s work is work that can be done by men and woman unless there’s force involved (even that depends on the guy ^_^).

      • paleokifaru says:

        Ha! Funny that you mention having to pick up certain slack. I had a relationship from high school into college that was actually lovely but just wasn’t what I wanted. I broke it off and suddenly realized there were quite a few things he used to do for me that I had no clue about! For me that was a big push to be more self sufficient in areas like computer technology but as time went on I also realized there were some areas I just didn’t CARE to know about and it became an issue of figuring out what I wanted to spend time vs money on and when to ask for help from someone.

        My husband had a somewhat similar experience with his marriage (not as much his divorce) since he took on a lot of the responsibilities for the home, finding childcare and keeping up with school and later his job. For him the divorce was a bit freeing because he wasn’t getting in arguments about who was responsible and he felt more like he could prioritize in his own way. For him that meant learning just enough “cooking” to ensure that his son had vegetables with every meal and it was reasonably nutritious but making sure he had a clean yard to play in was high on his list. But he’s admitted if he had a daughter he would have been screwed as a single dad because he wouldn’t be able to put her hair in a half way decent pontytail. That said just dating him I could see he had a better handle on housework than any other man I had dated and he genuinely appreciated it when I took on some of the work. Granted, I chose stuff I new about and liked and that had something to do with where I had experience (i.e. I hadn’t had a car in over a decade!) and we’re pretty flexible as we get busy about who is doing what.

      • paleokifaru says:

        I should also add that sometimes women don’t *let* men do certain things with the home or childcare because it’s not the way they want it done. So they prefer to just do it themselves than be anxious about it or not like it. My mom has always said my dad *could* have managed without her (they’ve been married for over 30 years) but he would have paid through the nose for our care and a lot of our school stuff would have fallen through the cracks! And my dad’s a great parent who has wonderful relationships with all of us but he’s maybe not on the ball with schedules….

      • Sofia says:

        Oh I smiled with your last post because Sofia Vergara talked about it (it’s from a post two days ago I think). She mentions that when women don’t let men do what needs to be done in their own ways and by themselves they never learn and then women complain that they don’t do anything around the house. She is actually spot on. But unless you are aware of this subtle (sometimes not so subtle) dynamics it’s hard to change something that’s easily perpetuated. Just like your example you gave in the beginning. But we are here to learn and I guess real problems arise when no one wants to learn and rethink how/what they do. And sometimes people get away with it because the other gives up, no? I see that with my parents, that fits pretty much into your description also.

      • paleokifaru says:

        I totally agreed with Sofia Vergara too! Yes, I think I learned a lot from my parents’ dynamics. They have a really wonderful marriage but they’re also human. So when my mom suggested I make sure my husband keep a lot of his parenting duties based on her own experience and her support of my career I took it to heart. But I also considered how she reacted to my dad’s help and realized I should take a step back in some of the things he does so I don’t criticize or go nuts! I’ve learned that I’m better off keeping certain jobs as his and just removing myself from watching how he does it. And we’ve both learned to ask if having something done a very particular way is truly a high priority or if the end result is livable and we’re grateful to not do the chore ourself.

  13. CL says:

    Yes, but has she told BEN that he’s not “more important than anyone else”?