Laura Prepon’s Scientology interview is the funniest thing you’ll read today

Laura Prepon

Laura Prepon’s Scientology faith isn’t something she throws out there very often. In fact, I usually try to forget she’s one of the minions. Laura doesn’t bring the CO$ up whenever she promotes her work, and I assumed she knew people think Scientology is nuts. She’s also never publicly freaked out like Jenna Elfman to defend her beliefs. Laura’s certainly never gone Danny Elfman and told critics to “go f*** yourself.” Laura seemed content to never mention L. Ron Hubbard’s ridiculous brainchild in public. This new interview from the members-only Celebrity Magazine will make it hard to forget Laura’s association ever again.

Gawker obtained scans of the magazine from the @LauraPreponPower Instagram account, where you can read the full-on craziness. Here are a few excerpts:

Moving up the Bridge: “So when I first got into Scientology, I did Personal Values and Integrity and then Overcoming Ups and Downs in Life. These courses touched on the observations I was aware of when I was younger. It was right there in black and white. It was amazing, and I felt that finally something was speaking my language. It totally connected with me. Pretty soon after that I got onto the Purification Rundown, and I started moving up the Bridge.”

The benefits of auditing: “Honestly, I’ve become more me. The auditing has stripped away all of this charge, false ideas, decisions and mis-emotions that were affecting me. I recently had one of my biggest cognitions in a New Era Dianetics session. I spotted this decision I made a long time ago that was affecting me to this day. It was a huge realization. At the time of the incident, you make a postulate as a ‘pro-survival’ decision, you know? Then to spot it years and years later, after peeling away these layers and then–boom, there it is–it’s mind blowing! To think of it just hiding there in my bank, affecting me.”

Critics will be converted: “I did a show years ago and the creator of the show was wonderful, but he is a total cynic. He had heard about Scientology, but had some altered viewpoints about it. After he worked with me, he came up said, ‘If you’re a Scientologist, I want to know about it, because you’re an amazing representation of what you’re doing over there.’”

Scientology fixes everything: “Another big realization I had in my auditing is that there is a bigger picture. This is my career but it does not define me. I am so much bigger than this career and industry. It’s my job and it’s very important to me, but, when I have huge wins in session, and when you really cognate that you are a thetan and you have a mind and body, and that the MEST universe does not control you–it puts things into perspective. It takes the weight off you and things become very easy.”

[From Celebrity Magazine via Gawker]

This reminds me so much of when Leah Remini’s gibberish-email about helping people “go clear leaked several years go. It’s always difficult to believe Scientologists fully believe all the garbage they espouse. You can say this about a lot of religions, but the CO$ beliefs seem particularly nonsensical. Long before people reach the Xenu fairy tale of OT Level III, they see stuff that should send them running. But believers get love bombed and pressured to stay. Anyway, this is all the confirmation I needed to believe Laura Prepon is fully gone with this cult.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet & WENN

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93 Responses to “Laura Prepon’s Scientology interview is the funniest thing you’ll read today”

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  1. original kay says:

    “Don’t steal my wind with your thunder!”

    sorry, it’s all I’ve got.

  2. Dotty says:

    I can’t even cognate on this crap today.

  3. Lindsey says:

    Danny Masterson, not Elfman.

    • TotallyBiased says:

      Yeah, Danny Elfman kind of disavowed Jenna and her Co$ craziness. He made it clear he’d like to be unrelated to her, even by marriage.

    • A.Key says:

      Yeah I was freaking out that my favorite composer turned out to be a nutcase! Thank god it’s a mistake.

    • Norman Bates' Mother says:

      I felt a giant wave of relief after I clicked on that link and saw the name Masterson. Don’t scare us like that Bedhead. After so many of my childhood idols turned out to be criminals or nutcases, I don’t want to lose Danny Elfman too and have to feel bad about loving Edward Scissorhands’ score.

  4. Kitten says:

    Someone mentioned something on another thread about knowing too much about a celeb. Yeah….

    Sigh. Sucks because I really like her but I just cannot with the Scio stuff.

    • qwerty says:

      I noticed quite a while ago that she doesn’t hang out with the OITNB cast as much as all the other women. There were many many galas, parties etc where they were all there, even minor characters but not her. I think I get it now.

    • Liberty says:

      you guys are just experiencing mis-emotions, per the cognition chart here on the wall above the free bowl of lunacy punch.

      Every time I read about this stuff, I ask myself: are all these celebs this dumb? I mean…..wow.

  5. l'etranger says:

    Don’t you mean Danny Masterson instead of Danny Elfman? :)

  6. lucy2 says:

    I wonder if, with all the negative publicity, they’re putting pressure on some more popular members to be a public face for it? She’s been involved forever but never spoke until now, seems odd to me.
    Also, Danny Masterson, not Danny Elfman. Thankfully.

    • H says:

      No, Elfman and his wife are big Scientologists. The Masterson boys were born into it and dragged Laura into the “religion” when she dated one of them. Rumor mill is she’s the next hand-picked Mrs. Tom Cruise.

      • michelle says:

        Rumor mill is TC is leaving Scientology.

        Danny Elfman is married to Bridget Fonda. You are thinking of Bodhi Elfman who is married to Jenna Elfman.

      • Red32 says:

        Danny Elfman’s wife is Bridget Fonda. I think you have him confused with Bodhi Elfman, his nephew.

      • Mitchie says:

        No, Danny’s brother is the scientologist. He’s the father of Bodhi. Danny is pretty much an atheist.

      • TeaAndSympathy says:

        Thanks Michelle, Red 32 and Mitchie, for clearing that up – I was becoming really confused, almost forgetting where Bhodi fitted in. Laura Prepon – nutter.

    • AnnieRose says:

      You know, I was thinking the same thing. Especially after looking at the timeline when Leah Remini sent that email (it was after she asked about Shelly Miscavige and was supposedly being disciplined for asking too many questions).

  7. Me too says:

    This doesn’t sound like a religion. It sounds like a self-help/therapy session. Is it just me?

    • PunkyMomma says:

      Nope.

    • michelle says:

      Yep. Exactly what it sounds like. After long ago therapy I felt the same enlightment. Heck after talking to my sister for an hr, I also feel it. Why the heck are they considered a church again?

      • Katija says:

        See, bits and pieces of it remind me of when I started meditating. In a non-crazy way, I could relate to parts of it. “I really started to understand who I was deep down and a lot of the negativity in my head went away.”

        … the difference is that what I do costs nothing. Or maybe $60 a month technically, which is the cost of my high-speed internet, which I utilize to find guided videos and articles. :-)

      • Miller621 says:

        @Katija From what I have read about the cult I think that’s how they get you. They bait people by making them feel all great and wonderful in their first audit and it feels empowering than they flip it. Most are too far gone at that point to realize they should turn the other way and run.

      • Reeely?? says:

        It was filed as a religion for tax purposes but it’s a wacky self help program developed by a bona fide Sci fi author. (Now deceased)

        The organization is based on the military with a chain of command. Celebrities are treated wonderfully and tenderly, but blackmailed through “audit sessions” , a combo of confession and therapy. The lower ranks non celebs can work for the “sessions” in order to “go clear”, and work slave labour style. Children are raised by the organization (sea org) and family is 2nd to loyalty to the cause.

        When someone disagrees, they are labeled “subversive persons” and are either imprisoned and or harassed in extreme and inhumane ways.

        Yes. People are dumb. But mostly vulnerable. We’re all seeking that “love bomb:.

    • Katie says:

      Nope not just you but I must confess I didn’t really understand her jibberish

    • Belle Epoch says:

      Therapy with mandatory loss of English speaking skills – and a threat to publicize everything you’ve ever said!

    • Dunne says:

      It sounds like a good portion of a 12 step program. Step 4 is writing out and confronting resentments, Step 5 is essentially what she describes in auditing. Source- I’m in AA. People said the same things about me when I started working through my steps.

      Funny how Scientology eschews any kind of therapy/ addiction/ mental illness but employs the same methods addicts use to get sober.

    • md1979 says:

      It’s only a “religion” because the Scio’s obtained tax-exempt status from the IRS by threatening to drown the IRS in dozens of lawsuits and digging up dirt on IRS workers. Otherwise, the organization didn’t meet the tests under the applicable laws to obtain religious or charitable tax-exempt status.

      http://fortune.com/2015/04/08/scientology-tax-exempt/

    • jwoolman says:

      Yes, the original idea was all about self-help/therapy with scifi gadgets and no psychiatrists (Hubbard was a science fiction writer and um, had some psychiatric issues rather early). He had once said something about the way to get rich was to found a religion, and by golly they got the chance at some point to make it a church to get the tax-deductible status for donations and tax exemptions as a church. That’s how it was turned into a religion.

      Although I have to say that other religious beliefs and jargon are so familiar that it’s hard to react to them in the same way as the Co$ beliefs just because of that familiarity, not because of any more believability on an objective basis to a complete stranger (that’s why it’s called faith). It isn’t the beliefs that are the problem, people have all sorts of religious frameworks on which they hang their ethical principles. It’s the criminal and immoral actions of Co$ that make them dangerous. The secrecy and methods of the “self-help” activities are also troubling, since they are blatantly based on brainwashing techniques. Plus reputable religions don’t keep tenets of the faith a deep dark secret until the practitioner has paid gobs of money to reach a higher level. But we’re dealing with something set up by a clearly disturbed individual who became increasingly psychotic as time went on.

  8. Flahoola says:

    “To think of it just hiding there in my bank, affecting me.”
    So they convinced her to give them her money for happiness is what I’m reading into with that line… Ahh celebrities more money than sense!

    • Saks says:

      Lol this. I’ll assumed she was talking her bank account and how she got rid (gave all of it to the cult) of her money

  9. LAK says:

    Whenever the veil is lifted about the detail of their tenets, it reinforces my belief that this is just regular therapy/self help repositioned as religion and the emphasise is always me, myself and I. There is never a bigger picture or even a community spirit that other religions try to foster.

  10. Kiddo says:

    This is incomprehensible contorted English in the form of an infomercial. Try, as she might, with the ‘evolved’ secret code language, it’s every bit as boring as any other infomercial where a celeb ‘shares a secret with a friend’ and they just LURVED the product. It’s still boring as hell and only the gullible will buy it, overpriced, at that, just like TV infomercials.

  11. Wilma says:

    What I like is that she’s speaking about her experience and not about how someone else should feel. It may be bonkers, but she’s not judgemental like others have been.

    • Kiddo says:

      No, but she’s preaching to the choir, reinforcing the whole CoS thing. This wasn’t in a mainstream publication.

      • Wilma says:

        That’s why I like it that she only relates her own experience. She could have gone full judgemental because she was talking to a scientology audience and she didn’t. Small victories :)

      • Kiddo says:

        Point taken.

  12. Saks says:

    “…and when you really cognate that you are a thetan and you have a mind and body, and that the MEST universe does not control you–it puts things into perspective…”

    Ummm what?

    • LAK says:

      This is self help 101: you are responsible for yourself.

      I think I need to figure out a word salad for that and start my own religion. Who’se with me?

      • Livealot says:

        Me! Me! Can I be the treasurer or whatever word you choose to describe the person who collects the $$

      • Katija says:

        At its core, all Scientology really is is the Law of Attraction + Science Fiction.

        If you find yourself thinking, “hey, sometimes I watch Scientology stuff and actually kinda like what I’m hearing sans the Xenu,” you could just watch “The Secret” on Netflix or read a Law of Attraction blog. Or meditate. Or work with a board-licensed therapist who specializes in Eastern and New Age cognitive behavioral techniques.

        When “The Secret” came out, PLENTY of people said, “these ideas have been around forever, they’re nothing new.” And they’re right, and it’s the same idea as Scientology. The idea of meditating and letting go of bad thoughts and focusing on the positive is as old as most Eastern Religions.

        I got into some New Age-thinking via a hippie friend. It’s not half-bad and my life has been better from meditation. I guess my point is… Scientology is just a really, really, REALLY corrupted form of some very old beliefs. L. Ron Hubbard was a confirmed shit writer – trust me, he didn’t come up with anything new.

    • Samtha says:

      They believe the universe only exists because thetans will it into existence/believe it exists. So, as a thetan, the physical universe has no power over her; she controls it. MEST=matter, energy, space and time.

      I’m guessing by her statement that she’s gone past clear and become an “operating thetan.”

      • BangersandMash says:

        Whoa, I need to know more about this.

        They think we’re in the matrix??

        Okaaaay, so like they meditate to get rid of the matrix or just control the matrix?!

      • Santia says:

        Metaphysicians – including Einstein – having been saying the same thing for eons. There is no time, space, etc. Just you creating your reality. Basically, each person lives in his/her own reality bubble. Or something like that. :-) Anyway, the only thing the CO$ has added is charging people money and its own wonky vocabulary to describe it.

  13. H says:

    So pretty, but so brainwashed.

  14. Beth says:

    What is with all the word salad in Scientology?

    • FingerBinger says:

      I would love it if a scientologist gave succinct explanation of their religion instead of stringing a bunch of words together.

      • Lindsay says:

        They are not allowed to. Scientology charges money to learn what the religion is about. You have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to get to the class that actually lays out Xenu and the origin story. They kept it very secret for a long time. In the Going Clear documentary they said the story isn’t even typed out. You are allowed access to a document LRH hand wrote (he wrote something like fifty copies) you can’t photocopy it, take it out of the special room, or bring in camers or anything to take notes. They are not allowed to talk about it. Plus, I’d imagine these bizarre words are drilled into them.

        Plus, this interview wasn’t meant for us lowly beings still under the influence of MEST (matter, energy, space, and time). So it would be weird to explain what Scientology is. It would be like explaining the significance of the cross and Jesus’ execution and resurrection in a Christian magazine.

  15. lizzie says:

    those brows are not working

  16. Lindy79 says:

    It sounds all very like that Tom Cruise interview where he starts talking about how in an accident, no one can help like a Scientologist and he just knows. This attitude of you being a better person than everyone and only seeing positives in yourself, they probably hear what they want to her from people, suppose considering you’re told to cut anyone out of your life who is negative, that attitude is bred.

  17. minx says:

    Is her hair really that inky black? Not flattering, it ages her.

    • Ankhel says:

      With hair that black, she must wear a ton of slap to keep her features from disappearing completely. So high maintenance, and not even flattering! She used to have pretty, strawberry blond hair. Why, Laura?

      • Katija says:

        Well, it’s for her role, and they ARE shooting right now, so I’ll give her a pass on THAT.

      • mayamae says:

        If she used her natural hair color on That 70s Show, it was a deep orangey red (versus a cool shade of red) – like Nicole Kidman’s in Moulin Rouge. They should both go back to that color, IMO. If Laura is dying her hair black for OITNB, it would be very difficult to go back to her natural color without growing it out.

  18. VivienLeigh says:

    “Donna Pinciotti, is that YOU?”

  19. J9 says:

    This makes me sad. Her brain is mush

  20. aenflex says:

    It’s the auditing. It’s certainly a form of auto-hypnosis. And it’s pervasive within COS, and it works. Were the practice conducted in a sane, safe, clinical, unbiased environment, it may be therapeutic to some.
    It’s very interesting, the auditing. It plays to the intelligent just as well as it does to the average and simple.

    • Kiddo says:

      Self-reflection and self awareness can come about without holding a couple of cans. If you can’t have an honest internal dialogue with yourself, a journal, a confidante may do the same, or in the case of serious mental health issues, a person, like a therapist, who is paid to keep your secrets, and hash out your issues will work just as well, if not better.

  21. Elfie says:

    What did I just read? What nonsense. So silly that anyone can fall for this twaddle.

  22. Lisa says:

    This sounds like some video game manual. Leveling up, crossing The Bridge. Does she kill Bowser at the end?

  23. MediaMaven says:

    “and when you really cognate that you are a thetan and you have a mind and body, and that the MEST universe does not control you–it puts things into perspective”

    emmmmmmmm, what?

    • Katija says:

      “Thetans” are lost souls that were doomed to walk the earth at the beginning of time and who jump into bodies of newborn babies, thanks to an evil alien overlord.

      … I’m not a Scientologist, just a MASSIVE “South Park” fan. ;-)

  24. TotallyBiased says:

    @BEDHEAD! –Pretty please fix the part where you reference my beloved talented (and NON-Co$) Danny Elfman when you mean Danny Masterson. Thank you!!!

  25. Katija says:

    When I let go of all of the information in my head and accessed the bridge to the celebrity website I could communicate my inferences with those who are thinking like me.

    … see, Laura, I can talk in nonsense-words too!

  26. Jayna says:

    It gets worse the more you read. I just don’t know want to say, except she and Tom are a match made in heaven. Why aren’t they together?

  27. Sea Dragon says:

    Off topic, I don’t know what her original nose looked like but I bet it not only fit her face better, she looked prettier with it.

    • mayamae says:

      Someone posted here recently that the “pinched-tip” nose jobs are en vogue now. Think Sandra Bullock.

  28. babyb says:

    in the eternal words of “mean girls”: word vomit..

  29. mayamae says:

    ” The auditing has stripped away all of this charge, false ideas, decisions and mis-emotions that were affecting me.”

    I can’t figure out if she’s just a typical poorly educated CO$, or if this is an example of their gobbledygook CO$ expressions. “Mis-emotions”?

  30. holly hobby says:

    I don’t know what her word salad means! Too much to think about. Oh well another celeb I won’t support. That’s too bad.

  31. a.d. says:

    oh, please please fix that… for a minute there you really scared me & had me thinking that one of my favorite people/composers: danny elfman, was among the crazy cult followers… DANNY MASTERSON is what you meant. please to fix, celebitchy!

  32. bettyrose says:

    It teaches her that she’s more than her job? But her job brings in the big bucks that pay for the auditing sessions, yes? So, in essence, without herr job, she couldn’t afford to be a CO$-bot.

  33. Lbliss says:

    Am craving barley water for some reason

  34. EM says:

    The language of cults.

  35. MB says:

    This was not an interview given to standard media publications. It was given to a scientology magazine – the language and terminology is familiar to the intended audience. This interview doesn’t actually sound crazy to me. While I don’t necessarily understand the exact meaning of the words she has used, I can appreciate that I am not necessarily meant to because I am not the intended audience.

  36. fee says:

    Annoying

  37. OCGAL999 says:

    Total cult…a family member joined and CO$ and bilkED more than 2 million dollars from a trust fund. When other family members interced and took control, CO$ tried to help my family member fight for control, but when it was fruitless, they basically kicked my family member to the curb.

    It took over 2 years and almost a million dollars to “deprogram”.

  38. Goodnight says:

    It makes a lot more sense if you know the lingo, admittedly. I despise scientology but I’m pleased to see she’s not using it to be judgey and isn’t saying she’s better than other people because of it. She seems way too nice to be a celebrity scientologist.