Once I stopped watching Homeland (last year?), I sort of got out of the groove of covering Claire Danes’ interviews. In all honesty, it wasn’t a huge loss for gossip – Claire’s interviews the past few years have been pretty boring and uneventful, so much so that I actually forgot that she’s lived through a few scandals in her day. Claire appeared on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show yesterday and Stern brought the vintage gossip and drama. I actually learned some stuff about Claire that I didn’t know before, like she turned down the role of Rose in Titanic. Did you know that? I did not. Stern also made Claire talk about the Billy Crudup drama. Vintage scandal recap: Billy Crudup dumped his then-seven-months-pregnant girlfriend, Mary Louise Parker, for Claire. Claire and Billy were costars and she was just 24 and there was some stuff about how she was a “homewrecker,” although to be fair… Crudup got most of the sh-t for that, as he should have. Anyway, here are some highlights from the Stern interview:
Being judged by the public for being a homewrecker: “That was a scary thing. That was really hard. I didn’t know how to not do that. I was just in love with him. And needed to explore that and I was 24… I didn’t quite know what those consequences would be. You never know. But it’s O.K. . . . I went through it.”
They dated for four years & there are no hard feelings: “But it’s okay. I went through it. We’re friendly, we’re friends.”
Why she turned down Titanic after doing Romeo + Juliet: “It seemed redundant.”
She also told Stern that she never hooked up with Jared Leto during or after My So Called Life, mostly because he’s seven years older than her (and she was just a teenager during MSCL). As for the Crudup stuff… I understand what she’s saying about how she just didn’t know how to NOT be in love with him. I can even see how a 24-year-old would have some kind of naiveté about the sh-tstorm that her affair would bring out. But still… once a dude leaves his seven-months-pregnant partner, that is a HUGE red flag for any relationship, even if you weren’t the “other woman” (which Claire completely was). And 24 years old is still very young, but that’s plenty old enough to know that you’re going to get a ton of bad press for having an affair with a dude with a pregnant girlfriend. Ugh. It’s still sort of amazing that Claire managed to get her public profile back on track after that.
Photos courtesy of Getty, WENN.
My long-term boyfriend left me for another woman, who fell madly in love with him at work. I have never been as heartbroken, but things happen. Life happens. I agree with what Danes says, yet out of respect for MLP I think she should not discuss these events publicly.
That’s very wise of you. If someone is gonna cheat on you then it doesn’t matter who it’s with. At the end of the day, they are doing you a favor because you can then move on and find somebody who you are supposed to be with.
@louise @sara – truth. when that cheating boyfriend left your life he thankfully opened up the door for the actual man that you deserve to come through.
When I was 24, I “stole” an older man away from his long-term girlfriend after a passionate work affair. I’m embarrassed to write that at the time, I never considered the consequences, because I was a spoiled, selfish, narcissistic twit. A year later, we were engaged and planning our wedding when he left me for another woman, whom he also knew from work. I was devastated, completely destroyed, I couldn’t understand how this could happen to me and I made both of their lives miserable for a very long time. It took a full year to realize that karma is indeed a bitch and that I had a lot of growing up/atoning to do, and probably another year before I had accepted the situation, my involvement, and moved on.
Claire kind of brushes it off, but as flawed humans sometimes we make grave mistakes. I came from a good and stable home, with parents who were married a long time, and who tried to raise me with moral values. I was just an entirely selfish brat who lived in her own me me me bubble. But I’m not anymore, I learned the hard way and it’s something I’ve tried to use as a reminder to a) do the right thing, and b) have compassion for others who’s judgement is clouded.
@Sara, I’m sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you’ve made peace with it and moved on, kudos to you.
She does kind of brush it off but as a notoriously private person, you can tell how uncomfortable she is talking about it.
That being said I do think 24 is old enough to understand the consequences of an affair so I think the whole “you never know” response was given with a large helping of bullsh*t and denial and yeah, I think she did minimizes it.
Wow thanks for writing that Eliz. 24 is a hard age…I cringe thinking of myself then.
I commend you for owning up to your self-perceived character flaws at the time. Of course, Danes can’t bring herself to man up and do the same.
Thanks guys, that was embarrassing to write. @Kitten, in retrospect 24 years old seems plenty enough to know better. I do not know why I didn’t. Honestly, I think I was so immature, that I bought into the “we were meant to be together” trope to the exclusion of everything else. For the record, my family was mortified about all of it and that was a very difficult thing to deal with. Thank God because that helped me get my head out of my ass!
Thank you Eliz for sharing your story. Good on you for changing for the better. So many people choose to never change. Plus when I think of myself at 24, I was also very selfish.
Count me as another one who’s also impressed by your growth and knowledge Eliz. While I agree the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree (usually) I also agree sometimes parents try their best and sometimes their children have to learn many a (hard) lesson.
I commend you for owning what you did and being brutally honest about yourself. That may be the first time I have ever seen a person on here accept total responsibility for something awful they did. Not saying the man wasn’t responsible for his own actions – he was, but you played a role and you accept it. So many others, most, will put it all on the married/otherwise taken person because they were the one in a committed relationship. Kudos to you for seeing it all for what it was, your part, and making a concerted effort to change. Danes could take a lesson from you in humility. I don’t care for her down-playing it and sort of brushing it off b/c she was 24 – She was plenty old enough to know exactly what she was doing. She simply did not care. she didn’t care about MLP or her baby. She wanted what she wanted and to Hell with everybody else. I have respect for admitting wrong doing. I do not have respect for side-stepping, or sugar-coating.
Wow, thank you, I was not expecting my experience to be seen with such compassion. That means a lot to me.
@Sara, I didn’t mean to hijack your comment. I’m sorry, I should have made my own post.
Thanks for sharing that story. I had a similar experience in my early 20s and I’m pretty mortified by my behavior then too. It was worse because he was married with kids. I was selfish, needy and thoughtless. When I think about the pain I caused his family I’m really repulsed and ashamed. And like you, I came from a good family that tried to teach me values.
There’s just no excuse for what I did. But I hope I’ve grown up since then. I’ve thought of contacting the wife and apologizing but I think she’d rather I just disappear from her life forever.
I understand how the attention and sex when you are young can cloud already immature thinking. I wasted many years of my life on a man who I now can look back on and say if that had worked out at the time, there is no way we would have stayed together long term. When I think of the situations I put myself in, it just makes me cringe. Young readers, take our advice and run if you are in or considering an affair at work or elsewhere. It’s just not worth the pain it will cause you now and later.
@ JenniferJustice: in fairness to Danes I don’t think she saw the question coming nor had a response prepared. Nor did she want to extend the conversation.
My view is slightly different. I fully agree that she made a very poor decision, but I don’t think she owed MLP anything. BC was the one who had the commitment with MLP and who treated her badly. No one can “steal” someone who isn’t open to it. It was a poor decision because as Dr Phil says, the best indication of future behavior is past behavior. A man who treats one woman like that is not going to be a dramatically different person with the next one. Eliz’s story illustrates that also.
I had an affair with a married man who had young kids a long time ago when I was in my 20s. It lasted about 4 months and then he ended it, because as I later discovered he’d started yet another affair. His marriage ultimately ended. It wasn’t something I looked for – he actively pursued me and I was young and naive enough to believe that he’d married the “wrong” person and that I was going to be the “right” person. It took me a very, very long time to get over him. I feel for his wife, but I don’t feel responsible for her pain – we were both taken advantage of by the same person. If my current husband were to have an affair now, it would be him that I blamed, not the other party.
Sara and Eliz, I appreciate both of you ladies for openly sharing your perspectives from opposite sides of this topic. It sounds like you’ve both found peace with what’s happened, and I wish you the best.
I was 18, and he was 23. He was in a long-term relationship, and I justified my actions because she was cheating on him, too. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that her wrongs didn’t justify mine, not at all. Whatever their problems were, lies and sneaking were no foundation for any type of healthy relationship, and he never would have truly been mine. Had I attempted a relationship with him, I’m sure he would have found someone with which to do to me what we were doing to her, and I’m glad I got out before I experienced that pain.
“Once you steal something, you spend your whole life fighting to keep it.”
1 bog ditto from me. Especially to the sharing from above posters. It takes a lot to admit things to yourself. I’m not reading remorse in Danes comments like I am in others. Just admission.
I don’t believe that people are possessions, so therefore you cannot ‘steal’ them.
Louise, it’s a quote from The Swan Princess, of all things. I was not insinuating that people are possessions.
I was using it to express what I’ve learned from my experiences, which is that if you obtain something (like a relationship) in a shady way, it’s never truly yours.
1 bog ditto?!!? That’s AMAZING.
Exactly Shambles and precisely why I put “stole” in quotation marks.
Sarah and Eliz, you are the reason I come to CB, to hear honest stories from peoplelike you bravely sharing their experiences. Thank you.
+1 to Arabella. Open, honest, intelligent discussions that are stuffed full of different perspectives are the reason I stay buried in this crazy sandbox.
That’s an incredibly insightful quote Shambles and quite true.
“Once you steal something, you spend your whole life fighting to keep it.” I haven’t ever heard that quote before but its a profound keeper.
Maybe the karma for those particular couples that do indeed stand the test of time appears in some other form other than disintegration of their relationships. Karma has a funny way of biting you sometimes many years later.
I did something similar– only worse in that while I was married, I had two separate affairs with married men. I was raised with good values but went totally round the bend at this particular point in my life. I was only interested in what pleased me, and had no compassion on the wives involved. Years later after I was re-married to the man of my dreams, he had an affair with a friend of mine. I was devastated, and the pain was beyond bearing. I nearly destroyed myself in the process of trying to get through. I definitely got paid back in spades for the evil I perpetrated on those women. I’m not excusing the men involved in any way, but believe me I felt the pain those women felt-if they ever found out—and it doesn’t matter whether they did find out or not…I was guilty, I knew better, and I definitely got paid back. Glad I’m finally past it with only occasional twitches of pain, but Ms. Danes should own what she did, and if she hasn’t gotten paid back yet, she will.
I think we all kinda have been under this scenario and it takes maturity to say what you said and I applaud you for that
Also I don’t like how people and unfortunately women mostly always say she stole my bf or home wrecked us
I mean he is a grown man noone put a gun on his head . He knew what he was doing no one stole him he wanted to leave. Hell he might even have started this whole thing. In the end you are better off bc obviously he wasn’t good for you
Not all people suffer negative karma from affairs. For instance, look at Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson; and Suzanne Somers and her husband Alan Hamil. Both marriages and careers are super successful. So maybe the people they left were receiving negative karma for something they did.
That’s what I don’t understsand about Karma in affairs, the one that was cheated on is hurt and I have heard of many couples who went on and married after having an affair and are doing really well.
well one thing for sure if that person is willing to cheat , let a lone leave you pregnant for a younger piece then obviously you are better off. I am just amazed that people always want blame the” other woman” so easily. I have been cheated on but I blamed him as much as her. He wasn’t blackmailed into cheating or forced to put his peen in her. He willingly and with pleasure did it…
The man has as big as part as the ” other women” In a lot of cases he is the one that pursued them initially
Maybe the bad karma for Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson is Chet Haze
Plus bad karma from an affair isn’t always obvious to the public at large.
Howard set her up like a bowling pin. She tends to use age as an excuse for her crimes and misdemeanors. I remember a slight furor when My So Called Life got the boot. It was her decision and said later in her defense that she was only 15 years old. Now she is la de da about hooking up with a man whose partner was seven months pregnant. She’s a hard one to figure out….would love to hear Mary Louise Parker’s reaction.
Huh? Are you saying it was her decision that MSCL was cancelled?!
I can’t remember the name of the writer of the show, Winnie something, I don’t have time to look it up now…..she indicated in interviews that if Claire didn’t want to do the show, it would be over because she “loved” her. The other cast members wanted to return and there were petitions to get the show back on, but as I said Claire was done with it and wanted to move on to film.
Wikipedia (i know, i know) says that it was being cancelled and people were fighting to keep it on tv and then Claire Danes and her parents decided not to do a second season due to school stuff.
My So Called Life was definitely cancelled. No question about it. It’s cancellation is considered one of network TV’S great mistakes.
It was cancelled BUT Mtv stepped in about a year or so later and wanted it on their network. Huge push from the teen culture drove that decision. All of the cast said Yes! Danes declined. Rolling Stone and Spin had articles on it at the time. Burned in my teen fangirl memories.
That’s not the same thing, though. There’s a huge difference between “Claire Danes walked away and got the whole series cancelled” and “Claire Danes didnt want to try to re-continue the series a couple of years later on cable”. For one thing, MTV at that time had never done any sort of original programming, and cable in general wasn’t doing anything like that. For another, they had none of the cast and writers under contract. They’d have had to hope that everyone could come back, likely with a fraction of the budget. And Danes already would have had other commitments lined up.
She was so amazing in MSCL I still can’t even believe it.
She is/was still an under-utilized actress! but can you believe I don’t even watch Homeland. I cant being myself to get with the subject matter – I guess im just tired of stress and I don’t want more from my tv shows.
Bridget: She didn’t walk away from the show. It had very low ratings and they were going to pull the plug. The outcry from the faithful followers made the network decide whether to run more episodes, this is when Claire and her parents said no and she went on to make Romeo and Juliet, and in Winnie Holtzman’s mind, there was no MSCL wo Danes. Then, MTV picked it up and that’s actually when it got the little cult following it had/has.
Howard Stern certainly has a way of getting celebrities to open up.
but they know he’s gonna ask them, so maybe Claire was finally ready to address it. Howard is not the man to go to if you want to leave certain subjects alone. He will ask – it’s your right to refuse.
15 is an excuse. What does a 15 year old know? I give her a full out for having that huge decision on her shoulders at 15. 24 is not an excuse. She knew full well what she was doing.
The other thing she doesn’t mention is that she was good friends with both of them, which of course makes her look worse.
She may have known full well what she was doing, but it was also a really long time ago. I’d like to think people grow, and I think that’s what she’s telling us. It does sound like she’s brushing it off a bit, but she also just doesn’t tend to get too personal in interviews. I would hope that all parties involved have moved on by now.
@tealily She HASNT grown, thats why people are irritated with her. She is still talking about it in Me Me Me terms. “I needed to explore it”. “I didnt know the consequences …but its ok, I went through it”. The “consequences” for this silly girl are clearly the ensuing media frenzy. No mention of the girlfriend in her third trimester or the baby who also have had to live those “consequences” very publicly. No remorse for pain caused. I smell a narcissist.
I think I love you Naya.
That is my take, too, Naya. I just want to congratulate Claire on getting through the pain of sleeping with her pregnant friend’s significant other. It must have been torture for her. Take a seat, honey, many of them.
See, that’s not how I read it at all. More like she was going out of her way to only speak about her involvement in the relationship and not to attempt to speak for the other two people.
Just admitting you did something shitty with no other elaboration would have been the best way to take on those questions. It shuts down the line of questioning cause it all comes back to being an ahole and it also acknowledges you did something pretty appalling while still showing you’ve grown up and moved on.
I agree with you Yoohoo.
@tealily–No offense, but you really don’t have a clue- re: ” I would hope that all parties involved have moved on by now.”
You have no idea, obviously how hard it is to have someone you love with all your being, cheat on you. It is devastating, and if you can recover at all, it scars you for the rest of your life. That emotional pain never goes completely away. It can rear its head and gouge the wound open at any time. 20+ years after the fact, I still have time periods of pain from my husband’s affair.
I love Naya, JenniferJustice and Carol.
man, if I were to be judged and held accountable for every single decision I made at 15 I would have to go kill myself.
My other thought on that- what’s wrong with her not wanting to continue a show? ESPECIALLY as a teen?
eta: this wound up in the wrong area I think.
I remember signing a petition and just praying that sweet Jordan would soon be back on my TV, devastating!
I worked at a coffee shop in the west village and both Mary Louise and Claire would come in separately. I was kinda always hoping that I could be a fly on the wall the day that they ran into each other. It never happened but I always thought it was crazy that they were both regulars and so close to almost having an awkward run in. MLP was a but ditzy but total sweetheart. Claire was really reserved, snooty and extremely skinny. I’m team MLP all day, Claire doesn’t seem to have any remorse & seems like she’s really stuck on herself.
I agree, her excuses for her “tender” age are kind of lame. When I was a teenager, I knew better. I knew that my actions caused reactions, and I was exposed to far less in life than Ms. Danes. Her behavior had to do with the fact that she was selfish, not that she was young.
And “S” I also saw Ms. Danes in Jeffery’s in the Meat Packing district many years ago. She was with her stylist who commented on my mother’s vintage bag. She also chimed in about how “great” it was, but I also got a bit of a snobbish vibe off of her as well. We all commented about how she looked like a bag of bones in person, and without makeup on, looked very melba toast. I happen to think she is a very talented actress, but I never liked her after that whole Billy Crudup incident. I thought the whole thing was tacky
Ugh I just was starting to forget/forgive that debacle. I get that Stern is going to dig s**t up but why the hell cant she be smart enough to say something a little bit remorseful about the effects on MLP. Especially now that she’s a mother and a wife herself.
Probably because she’s not remorseful at all. I don’t think she sees any problem at all with what she did. She’s very self-involved, and from that generation where kids were encouraged to do whatever feels right. She and Billy are both total losers.
“and from that generation where kids were encouraged to do whatever feels right”
Huh? She’s the same age as me and no, my generation wasn’t told to do “whatever feels right”. LOL
@ Kitten, same. Some of us weren’t raised by Dionysus.
@ MonicaQ I don’t know about you, but my feet are still purple from stomping all the grapes.
I’m 43, so maybe not exactly the generation you are referring to, but we (generally speaking), were not even close to spoiled. We (again generally speaking), were latch key kids with self absorbed baby boomer parents who left us to raise ourselves. (Disclaimer- I know there are exceptions, but I wasn’t an exception and neither were any of the kids I knew.)
How do you know that’s the case? It was 12 years ago. It’s entirely possible she went through all the bad feelings and guilt and is simply over it. People do messy things in life, and they go through hard times and learn from them. Are we supposed to feel remorse and guilt and go around apologizing the rest of our lives? Give her a break.
Yeah, I’d like to think they have all worked this out between them and have better things to talk about now.
To Tippet, but she’s never apologized or at the very least, acknowledged what that must have done to Mary Louise Parker, who was her friend when she started banging her boyfriend and father of her unborn child. It would be nice, MATURE, if she would admit it was wrong and show a nugget of remorse. But she never has and continues to poo poo it. No, we don’t expect life-long guilt, but we do expect an iota of conscience. She doesn’t seem to have one.
For the record, yes, we all mistakes, but we don’t all turn on our friend and screw their significant other. That is an entirely different level of “mistake”. That is a betrayal like no other. You sound just like her with your “people do messy things in life”. She caused hurt on a major scale, and like her, you’re down-playing it.
To be fair, we don’t know what has been discussed between them all personally. It could just be that she’s doing her best not to get too personal about other people in a public interview, or (definitely) that we don’t have all the information.
@tealily, It’s one thing to not get too personal in a public interview, but surely to goodness it is not being too personal to apologize for her terrible behavior to someone who was supposed to be her friend? Is it being too personal to say that you are sorry? She is obviously not.
I remember that whole mess. It definitely changed my opinion of CD, but I have since loathed BC for being such a dirtbag. I give MLP major props for keeping it classy and taking the high road by refusing to talk about it, and never saying a bad word about BC.
Yes, I remember MLP just went on with her life, and I love it that she gave her son HER last name. 🙂
He’s the homewrecker. If it wasn’t Claire, it would have been someone else.
Sick of the other woman getting the blame and slut-shaming. It It wasn’t a wise decision on Claire’s behalf but HE was the one who should have known better here. And who can’t relate to being so wildly in lust/love that all reason and consequence goes out the window? I think if you all were targeted by a super hot older guy when you are 24 then a fair few of you would have succumbed to his charms too.
To be fair, he was dragged and rightly so, in the press when it happened.
His career is quiet and means he’s not doing interviews hence why he’s not being asked.
While I agree that often times the blame is put on the woman, not the one in the relationship I don’t agree it is slut shaming, she was 24 and old enough to know that running off with her co star who was expecting a child with another woman was going to get her some grief. Not denying they loved each other but they also acted selfishly and caused a lot of hurt. Something she doesn’t really acknowledge here.
so thinking less of a woman who sleeps with a man with a pregnant wife is slut shaming?
Louise, i hope you called out all the posters in the Ben Affleck threads about their slut shaming! i think if we all were targeted by a super hot young nanny then a fair few of us would have succumbed too. 😉
Saphana – the point is that it was Claire who had to bear the brunt of the shaming and condemnation. Even still, when she is a happily married, successful woman with a kid. That ain’t right- he was the married one.
And hell yeah, not a lot of men could say No to a hot nanny. That’s why common sense says to not hire a hot nanny!!!
100%. This shaming era annoys me. She knew full well that Mary Louise was having her boyfriend’s baby. It’s like a damn soap opera. In my opinion what they did is reprehensible. Yeah Claire 24 is young, but come on, no excuse. But I guess it bothers me more than her, because she seemed very at peace with it all and she just had to “explore” her love for Billy. Please…………..
I don’t think that’s what Sochan is saying, although she does sound rather flippant. The issue is the “homewrecker” label seems to put all the blame on Danes when more of the blame should be on Crudup (which Kaiser even says) who was the one in a relationship and expecting a child. Danes did a terrible, terrible thing, but at the end of the day she didn’t “wreck” Crudup’s home. Crudup willing chose to wreck his own home by getting involved with a much younger woman when his partner was pregnant. She was an a-hole of epic proportions for going along with it, but he was the one with the responsibilities to MLP and it’s not like he didn’t have free will. Anyway, being bothered by the term “homewrecker” (which is an old and very gendered term that should be retired imo) doesn’t mean that one is excusing either Claire or Billy’s sh*tty actions in this cheating scandal.
Seriously I think people are throwing around slut shaming for anytime a women get called out for dick-ish behavior and it’s annoy.
I get why people are up in arms about the homewrecker label being put on the wrong person in these scenarios. But here’s the thing, a lot of those same people think the person that the one in the relationship cheated on their SO with is to be completely absolved on any responsibility for their part in the destruction. Which is where I can’t agree. If you are cheating with someone and you know they are in a relationship you are not an innocent party to the cheating. I especially hate the whole, “well she didn’t make any promises to the homewrecker’s SO, so it’s okay” attitude that gets thrown around. Sure they didn’t make a promise, but what happen to treating people with basic human decency by not willfully harming another human being?
Can’t wait to read all the hypocrisy. Those on the 200+ comments thread calling Jennifer Garner’s nanny a slut, a whore, evil etc. will come in defense of Claire Danes because..love. Proving once again that we twist ourselves in knots to excuse actors/actresses we love for doing the same things we attack “nobodies” for doing.
Somehow 18-22 year olds get through college knowing that cheating can get them kicked out of school and ruin their future but 24 year old actresses are “too young” to understand the consequences of hooking up with a guy in a relationship with a 7 month old pregnant partner. Seriously? Oh and those 18 year olds who go into war, completely clueless about right and wrong. Because apparently parents don’t teach morals anymore. You have to wait until you are over age 30 to learn right from wrong and about morals. LOL.
Are we talking about the same forum here? Every single person on the Affleck threads demonized Affleck and many of those same people heralded the nanny for not being ashamed of her behavior, for parading the affair around proudly. People came out to support that “nobody” as if she was some hero.
It was really gross actually.
Ben did get a lot of negative posts but there was the ever present defense which went 1) Garner aggressively pursued him and trapped poor boy with 3 pregnancies. 2) he was never happy and Garner must be denying him freedom – apparently he is incapable of filing for divorce by himself , 3) Garner set him up by hiring “temptation” as nanny to their kid, 4) Garner shouldnt expect better given his track record and 5) Garner is too PR conscious (I still dont know why that was relevant)
The nanny was mostly derided as a gold digging, fame hungry, skank but excellent for Summer gossip. People werent trying to see her win, they were trying to squeeze as much drama out of the situation as possible. Perhaps that seemed like support to some people but if you look carefully this was really framed as a Garner v Nanny battle, with a Naughty Ben who really cant help himself.
(speaking of the nanny, where the heck did she go, anyway!!! lol)
They weren’t married.
I agree Tara they have been saying there can be no cheating, unless you are married. So why now is CD wrong for dating B C? He was not married to anyone, Billy had not taken any vows, so what’s the problem.
I’m really getting tired of the infantilization of grown women every time they get called out for f-ed up behavior. Was she in the relationship or made any promise to MLP? No. Was BC the main one to blame for the betrayal? Yes.
That still doesn’t change the fact that she actively and willingly participated in destroying another human being’s ability to trust. The minute she knew he was in a relationship she should have said no to him, no matter what he was telling her, because she didn’t want to engage in something that would hurt another person.
What’s with this talk about she couldn’t possibly resist him? Was he her superior? Was her job on the line? No he wasn’t. They were on the same footing as co-stars in that movie they did. Also, what’s with this talk of she couldn’t have possibly know better at her age? She was 24, not 12. Most people know you are not suppose to sneak around and cheat ( in any form ) by the time they are children, what was she raised in the wild? How would she not know that what she was doing was wrong. So sorry I;m not falling for the naive wee lamb that was pulled into a life of debauchery by a goodlooking, smoothed tongue older man story you’re trying to paint her up in.
Preach it jinni ! Totally agree with you
When i was in college I had this kind of debate with a friend who was the side piece and she became so heated and accused me of being bitter because she though that i had been cheated on. Newsflash, i was too busy keeping my grades i didn’t even have time for relationship but i still know that 1. cheating is wrong 2. quit you relationship if it’s troubled 3. cheating on pregnant woman=&*#@%&
I wrote a very long lost about this upthread. I did something similar as Claire at the same age*, and all I can say now (almost ten years later) is that for some people, life is like a bubble and you really do not know what the consequences are until that bubble is popped. Perhaps it’s a slight form of sociopathy, in any event it’s an obvious sign of emotional maturity.
*Please don’t drag me as I’m honestly trying to have a discussion about this.
I agree jinni
@Eliz-At least you learned though. Did Claire learn? Maybe she did but it is not evident in this interview.
“I’m really getting tired of the infantilization of grown women every time they get called out for f-ed up behavior. ”
bingo, i dont read that often with men. if women like Stewart and Danes are too young to know those things should we let them vote? are they old enough to work outside of the house? to drive a car?
im also as you point out sick of this “i was in love” it also again creates this notion that women are just acting on “love” not on physical attraction which itself is pretty anti feminist. i mean how often do we hear even women tell us “women arent visual?”
im really sick of this, on one side its always this “hook up culture with hot tall guys yay” but on the other when a woman cheats you will see so much mental gymnastics by so many other women on how she must have been in “true love” and obviously women cheat for better reasons than men do (probably it was his fault!) . it puzzles me how often i read crap like that.
it seems like so many people have problems understand that men and women are equal also means many women are terrible people who use others and dont care for their feelings and lives.
ha!! yes to all – no time for cheatin’ on either side of the gender fence… 24 years old is full blown adult decision-making time.
Amen. She wasn’t a child when she decided to hook up with him.
It was also 11 years ago. So while “I was only 24, I didn’t know what I was doing” is no defense, I think it’s still fair to say “I was only 24, I’ve grown a lot since then.”
This! What makes things even worse is that she was friends with MLP, plus CD was cheating on her then-boyfriend.
All these years later and CD still can’t take accountability for her actions. Which makes sense, because that wasn’t the last time she was the other woman; if I recall, her husband was in a relationship when they first hooked up.
CD is all about CD. If she wants someone, she’ll do her best to get him no matter who gets hurt in the process.
While the man should shoulder the brunt of the crapstorm for an affair, the “other woman” deserves some of the blame too. If you KNOW the man you want to be with is married, has a long-term girlfriend, etc and you willingly choose to embark on a relationship with him, you are not an innocent player in the game. Yes, you are not the one who took the vows or made the commitment, but you knew damned well that you were a part in breaking up a relationship/family/etc. If you’re so damned in love, then give the man an ultimatum: “end your relationship and then I will be with you. I will not be involved with a man who is still involved with someone.” Have some class and dignity.
Completely agree. I understand the allure of a powerful attraction but at 24 you know enough to just WALK AWAY. Really, that’s all it comes down to. Have some respect for yourself and others and just walk the f*ck away.
…and I say this as someone who LOVES Claire Danes. She f*cked up and she doesn’t seem remorseful. It’s very disappointing.
Yeah I’m not here to judge, but holy hell who wants that messy shit in their lives? Talk about exhausting. Although, I should add that when I was 24 I wasn’t interested in being in love. 😎
I agree with this. She does not come across as understanding the role she played, even now.
Whether she was 18, 24 or 34, she should have had enough common sense to step back. I’m not buying her ‘not knowing’ stance.
“If you’re so damned in love, then give the man an ultimatum: “end your relationship and then I will be with you. I will not be involved with a man who is still involved with someone.” Have some class and dignity.”
but how do we know that’s not what happened? he did leave his pregnant partner to be claire.
I’m so tired of valid criticism being chalked up to ‘slut-shaming.’ It’s dismissive and, frankly, lazy. BC was in a relationship with MLP, so he should have received the lion’s share of the criticism, but CD KNEW he was in a committed relationship. She KNEW he was expecting a child. Calling her out for her selfish disregard of MLP’s feelings is not slut-shaming. She earned the backlash with her own actions.
This. Any time any criticism is leveled at someone who is/identifies as female, we’re “Slut-shaming”. As my grandma says, “Some people could use a little shame now and again.”
HER, SHE, HOMEWRECKER
It’s always the woman. OOh the outrage!!
@Louise-Why the need to be so dismissive of other people’s opinions? Some of us don’t subscribe to the “homewrecker” label but still feel that people should be held accountable for their poor decisions and the consequences of those poor decisions, regardless of gender.
I swear, the only thing more annoying than outrage is people whining about outrage as a way to invalidate or dismiss what is a legitimate viewpoint. It’s not always about “outrage!” sometimes it’s as simple as thinking something isn’t cool. Having an affair with a married man is not cool, dude. I guess I don’t understand why you would spend so much time defending sh*tty behavior. I agree with your comment down below that everyone has moved on and that’s good, but it’s also not a bad thing to grow and learn from one’s mistakes either.
Louise seriously, everyone here is saying he deserves the lions share.
However the other person (be they male or female) also is responsible, and it doesn’t absolve them entirely if they knowingly enter into it. You can hide behind “oh we loved each other, we got caught up in love” all you like, but it doesn’t change facts and also as others have said, she doesn’t appear to realise this in hindsight reading her comments.
And this all implies that Billy Crudup walked away consequence free. Crudup will ALWAYS BE known as the jerk who left his pregnant partner. His career never really came back from that.
Claire Danes knowingly made a choice, and there are consequences. We’re not shaming her for being sexually active or for enjoying sex, which is what slut shaming is. It’s not some sort of all-encompassing shield to protect women from criticism.
“Shame is like everything else, live with it long enough and it becomes part of the furniture” ~Salman Rushdie
Kitten, I wholeheartedly agree with your stance on ‘outrage’. Raging out over ‘outrage’, what’s so noble about it?
they are both homewreckers imo
and women do sometimes do crappy things, it isnt slut shaming to point that out
re: sh#t happens …. I’ve been married 22 years. We have 2 children 13 and 10. Unbeknownst to me, in June, my husband started having an affair with a co-worker who also has children that attend my children’s school. She was in the midst of a divorce. Prior to their affair, she had met me and my children on multiple occassions, and one of my kids has been a guest in her home. In July my husband announces he wants a divorce, he’s been unhappy for years, and there’s no counseling or anything to be done. He filed for divorce 4 days later. I had zero warning and my children and I were unaware we were living in an unhappy home. I have since found text messages from my husband to his friend from back in May where he describes the woman’s pursuit of him — she’s putting it out there, it is all there for the taking, what should he do, how should he conduct this affair, blah blah blah. She knowingly and intentionally pursued my husband who was weak and pathetic and selfish and proved himself to be a worthless piece of crap.
Sh#t doesn’t just happen. Sometimes people set out to do harm or are so all-consumed with their own selfish desires they don’t think about all the humans that will suffer for their actions. And in those instances, slut shaming is both justified and deserved. She is a homewrecking who&^re and deserves every bad thing that happens to her. As does my now ex-husband.
I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling. Can’t even begin. That is the scariest, most devastating idea, and my heart truly goes out to you Anon. Your husband is a disgrace to the male species, and the co-worker is a snake that has a hell of a lot of bad juju in her atmosphere right now.
I hope you and your kids find comfort, peace, healing, and happiness. Know that you all deserve so, so much better.
You may get heat for the last sentence of your post but damn, I totally agree with you. Something similar happened to me, a female acquaintance did that to my college BF & he went for it too. I found out about it almost a year later, she was one of many & he had already ditched her after she tried to get him to dump me for her. He was stupid enough to not delete the messages so I got to see how she started the whole thing but he was trash enough to do it. Of course I got rid of him because he was straight up garbage, I saw her later and she tried to come say hello and give me her condolences or whatever & I called her out and gave her 5 seconds to walk away before I smacked her. What nerve!!!
Btw, he never hooked back up with her & tried to get me back after for almost a year, promised me marriage etc etc. I hated him way more than her but at this stage he doesn’t even exist to me anymore, and I just feel sorry for her low pathetic self. Still being a whore for married guys, or one night stands etc, well into her 30s. I don’t think I’ve heard of her being in a serious relationship, ever. I think she deserves exactly what she got out of life.
Anonymous: you will be well, and you will heal … I feel you and I 100% agree.
Damn. I’m just– I’m so sorry. Geez, what a pair.
Heart felt sympathy to you! Your situation is much worse than what I went through.
Because God forbid she actually express remorse at her own poor choices.
And here we go….But it wasn’t some other woman, it was her. And if you were seeing a married man, shame on him and shame on you, because although he could have been seeing another woman, he was seeing YOU. Both parties are at fault. Both parties caused hurt. Both parties are selfish and sneaky. Nobody says the man gets off scott free. Nobody says he isn’t held to a different standard because he vowed devotion and was suppose to be in a committed relationship, but how on Earth does that justify a woman knowingly sleeping with a married man. It doesn’t. She is accountable and should be held responsible for her part.
I remember that escandalo back in the day. Cudrup always looked like the cat that swallowed the canary when he was out with her. Much like you see in the photos above. It was gross. He seemed to have had no remorse or shame, and was pleased with himself for bagging a young girl. He disgusted me – still does. As for her … being “only 24” is no excuse. She was spoiled and wanted what she wanted without little or no concern for others. That’s all.
Gotta say, I agree with this 100%
Agreed. She seems incredibly self-important even now. Her smug face annoys me.
Yes. “Only” 24? You’re old enough to know better.
She sounds like a brat here
This exactly Sochan.
It isn’t even about the cheating as much as her self absorbed reasoning–‘i had to explore it’ and ‘i went through it’–yeah, it’s all about her
Even if you accept the premise that you can’t help with whom you fall in love, you can damn well decide if – and how – you’re going to act upon it. And that’s not gender-specific.
Staying true to a relationship or commitment does not necessarily mean that you have no temptations or opportunities to do otherwise… and you don’t always stay faithful because ‘you can’t help yourself’… it’s an action verb to stay committed and true and faithful. And if you’re outside of that relationship, it’s still an action verb when you choose to honor the commitments made in that relationship as well.
“To explore” here is the narcissistic, tone-deaf, immature action verb and euphemism and rationalization of someone still seemingly unable to find honor or respect or self-discipline or remorse or accountability with both hands and a flashlight.
This, 1000 times. I have a friend much older than Claire Danes who behaved in the same way. She knew the guy was married with kids (he did hide it for a while, but she found out before they went beyond friends stage). He’d stated he’d never get a divorce because of his kids, but “we just like each other soooo much.” She fully expected his wife and children to embrace the relationship because they would want him to be happy and see that she was his soulmate. Seriously.
Narcissists can cause an awful lot of damage to the people around them.
Not that they care.
those age excuses annoy me. and its not like she was too young to know, 24 is old enough. im sure most 14 year olds could provide an answer to that question. we had the same with Kristen Stewart.
you can drive, drink, go to war and vote in any country that i know of. and its really not like this is a complex moral issue with a lot of grey areas. i dont even know how you could love someone who leaves his pregnant partner for you.
i wonder how she felt when she was pregnant herself and not feeling super sexy…
Yeah, of course everyone KNOWS better, but people make mistakes and get swept away with emotions and chemistry that in later years you hopefully are able to not act on. I don’t know about you but i’m a whole lot wiser than i was 10 years ago. I look back on some of the things i said/did and cringe … but that’s what maturing is for! I’m just glad i didn’t have the internet to judge my every move and hold youthful indiscretions against me for the rest of my life.
CD didn’t owe that other woman anything. That’s the world we live in.
If at 24, “chemistry and emotions” are keeping you from realising that entertaining the attentions of a guy with a 7 month pregnant girlfriend is wrong on every conceivable moral or ethical plane, you need to see an endocrinologist to balance out that internal “chemistry”. There may be circumstances in which allowances can be made for youth and stupidity – this isnt one of them. Besides, she still doesnt have the decency to speak with more sensitivity for MLP, so no growth there.
Going by her past comments hedging on monogamy, this person could care less about any one but herself. I bet my left foot her current marraige is open (which admittedly works great if he is as reported bi)
An affair with a man who has a baby on the way with another woman is not a ‘youthful indiscretion.’ It is a callous, selfish disregard for anyone’s feelings and desires but your own. It’s disgusting and low. Twenty-four was old enough to know better. Hell, I’m sure I could wrangle up some 13 year olds who could explain all the reasons it was wrong since you have such a hard time grasping it.
Except that it was no mistake in her mind. She was justified, and she has never, ever expressed a moment of regret or sympathy. I think the real issue people have is that Claire thinks Claire was totally in the right and her only regret is that people were a little bit hard on her at the time. She boo hoos for herself.
I think you all are doing an awful lot of reading into Claire’s short comment.
Anyway, none of it matters any more. Claire is happily married – her and Hugh Dancy are v cute – and MLP moved on too. And it’s good that BC can be friendly with both of them. It’s everyone else to keeps raging! Weird how fame works!
Are you all telling me that in your life you always think about others? You can’t say one is worse than the other. Mistakes and hurting others happens for reasons you don’t realize in the moment. If cheating is the worst thing you can do in life, or that can happen to you…life will be rough for you.
Look at MLP as an example. LIFE. Sometimes you cause crap to happen and sometimes crap just happens to you! How you adapt and evolve is what matters. If humans aren’t even meant to be monogamous then it seems ppl love to live lies and feed off of the drama(can’t help what society pushes). Don’t tell me you can’t sense your mans attention drifting away? You can’t sense him enjoying work too much? You can’t sense anything? You can’t tell when your best friend is hiding something? You can’t tell when you’re lying to yourself? We choose to pay attention to our intuition. Can we truly trust anyone let alone ourselves? I’m sure I’m pissing ppl off but I’m really just up for seeing all sides!
I think my point is, no one owes anyone ANYTHING. Our opinions, our made up rules, our anxieties, hopes, desires, pain, love, it only matters at the end of the day to you, if you choose. What does it mean? That there’s no one shoe fits all. There’s no correct answer!
“If cheating is the worst thing you can do in life, or that can happen to you…life will be rough for you.”
Ugh. Really? You seriously don’t understand how an affair can destroy a marriage how it can destroy a family? How it can destroy lives? Just UGH.
“I think my point is, no one owes anyone ANYTHING.”
Is that how you go through life? You don’t think that you owe people basic common courtesy? You don’t think that morality plays an important role in how you view yourself and others, how you treat those around you?
“Don’t tell me you can’t sense your mans attention drifting away? You can’t sense him enjoying work too much? You can’t sense anything? You can’t tell when your best friend is hiding something? You can’t tell when you’re lying to yourself.”
This is such a f*cking fallacy it’s not even funny–the idea that you can always see an affair coming from a mile away. Did you know that 56% of men who have affairs claim to be happy in their marriages, are largely satisfied and are not looking for a way out?
People like you just want to believe that it will never happen to you, that you will see the signs, but it doesn’t always work like that.
EDIT: I have to point out that I have never cheated on anyone nor have I been cheated on so this isn’t coming from a personal place. I just have a strong sense of right/wrong and I believe in doing the right thing. For that reason alone, I would never get involved with a man who was taken whether in a relationship, married, whatever. It’s not that complicated and it’s not about being sanctimonious. Really, it’s something we learn as children: treat others how you want to be treated.
I think Dream Big may be one of those people who knowingly and happily causes havok in other peoples lives but absolve themselves with sophmoric life philosophies devoid of basic sense. Just like our girl here, Claire.
I love some of these euphemisms – “youthful indiscretions”. That’s rich.
There is no law that demands we owe anybody anything, but is that how you really want to live? Entirely for yourself because….you can…and you want to? You seem to be of the mentality that wants what others have, but rather than find it elsewhere for yourself, you take their’s and I dont’ just mean men. I’m talking anything. There is a difference between envy and jealousy you know? Envy is a good thing – it’s inspiring as in “I want that too. If she can get it, I can get it, I just have to work for it.” And then there is jealousy (apparently you) who’s line of thinking is, “why should she have it if I don’t? I’m going to take hers. Ha ha! ” Seriously gross, and kinda creepy. Open a book on sociopathy and narcissism.
Exactly, who raised this woman to think that it’s OK to “love” someone that left a 7-month pregnant girlfriend and can’t own up to some responsibility for her actions? 24 years old is plenty old to be aware
From a psychological standpoint, they claim we aren’t fully formed adults until 25 or 30 mentally, maturity, and psychologically speaking.
@kitten Thanks for challenging me! I gotta throw this out here..I’m a blunt over thinker who enjoys a good blunt. Please don’t judge me based off my punctuation or the fact I’m just trying to have a conversation and not write a thought out paper.
I can see why you’re curious about this topic! Parents still together right? Me looking from the outside in? You’re so independent and strong that settling down must be worth it to you. You see your parents still together all these years. You think about why it works and why it doesn’t. You have been very serious in trying to understand if it’s really possible without some serious sacrifice. As an adult you live freely but you have self control(make sure to not do x y or z). That’s a great example for young women today! How to live freely but mindfully.
I’m an over thinker. I think about everything. I put myself in others shoes. I do my best to understand. I research. I walk the walk. Life and thinking outside the box has shown me that you can be super careful, you can try to do it all right, but what makes one thing worse than another? A wrong is still wrong. Does the universe or a higher power care about fine details? In the grand scheme of things is f*ckin someone who lied about being single something you can fully prevent with questions and social media stalking? Is that gf you had years ago that slept w a bf still haunting you? Or have more devastating things happened to you that affect you daily? You except, learn and move on in life for survival. You learn and don’t repeat. Most of us don’t go about trying to hurt others. Most of us live in our minds and care most about ourselves(even the ones who live for others). A woman cheating on her husband and destroying her family is worse than her children growing up in a home w a mother depressed and emotionally unavailable? As long as that husband and wife can admit both of their mistakes, talk about it w their kids/family and move on, I rather reality over fantasy any day. I rather the truth in my face. I rather be honest w myself!
Being cheated on has taught me lessons! Cheating has taught me just as much. Doing something once is enough and sometimes it’s not. Everyone is different. I’m always taking a step back looking at things. Trying to understand shit. Idk everything. It’s important to me to realize what’s facts and what’s just ego manifestations. That to me is key for change. Sometimes you have to take out the emotion, the right and wrong and look at the big picture… That the foundation of family and community is crumbling. It certainly isn’t bc of just cheating or bc we all make mistakes. It’s bc of what we allow and ignore. I don’t want to come across as cold or a b*tch. Probably being overly aware and sensitive to everything builds a wall that can separate you enough to function! That allowed me to have an unbiased(yeah right) view of things. You either get what I’m saying or shut it down. Facts still remain that cheating being the worst thing to happen to you is in fact a lie many believe. Losing your family? That wasn’t bc of cheating. It’s wayyyy bigger than that.
So the choices are A) cheat on your spouse, or B) be depressed and emotionally unavailable to your children. So, with this line of thinking, if a woman is married, depressed and emotionally withdrawn, if she cheats, she will be happy and emotionally available. I have seen many a cheater and none of them were better for it. Not one of them was more available to their children. Not one of them was happier in the grand scheme of things. I think you’re still not being honest with yourself – trying to find a silver lining where there isn’t one.
Is cheating when a man does it different than when a woman does it? just throwing this out there because I have heard many men say they cheated because they “can” or it was offered to them etc but I believe I had very valid reasons the one and only time I ever carried on an affair and other women I have talked to who have done similar has similar reasons (lack of sex, affection, compliments, etc).
I also will say this: my parents have been unhappily married for 40 years and I told them to get divorced quite bluntly 15 years ago. Now, they feel in their late 60’s/early 70’s they are stuck with each other. It is too late to leave. No one IMO should remain in such a dependent/unhappy of a scenario. Yes, in a perfect world, we all would act with our minds over our hearts, but sadly sometimes we make mistakes. It is what makes us all human. I also believe given certain circumstances/right person, we all have the capabilities of cheating and I know for some, that is a difficult pill to swallow. From my experience though, affairs are emotionally exhausting and I will never engage in one ever again.
@jenniferjustice I think you’re being rude and projecting? You see what you want to see, avoiding everything else. I’m having a conversation about cheating not being the worst thing to happen to ppl in life.
Everyone has different experiences. Maybe for some cheating is the worst thing to happen to them. That’s their choice to feel that way. Like its my choice not to. I don’t cheat. I don’t take others. I haven’t had a lot of serious relationships(I’m 26). I take a family very seriously. I want to chose to be with someone right for me. But what’s right for you? That takes lots of time and living and making mistakes to figure out. I gave my opinion based off of observing and analyzing others, and being self aware in my own life. I’ve asked strangers, friends, families lots of question. Very curious the secret to avoid divorce, cheating, being depressed, life etc.
I think previous generations didn’t have the luxury of time to overthink and had a lot of pressure to do things at a similar pace as others. Now? It’s a confusing time. So much free time, which isn’t great either. Balance has to be figured out. Look around you, most ppl cheat these days or always have. If not physically emotionally. You think it’s ok to flirt and look forward to talking to a coworker everyday? Going out to drinks w everyone? Lines can always be blurred when convenient. A little self awareness goes a long way. And being kind to others. People are finally excepting the true behavior and nature of themselves, enough to be open and talking about it. One day I’m sure we can come up with a more realistic partnership. No more lying to yourself and others. That’s something we can focus on. Living authentic lives so no one has to cheat, lie, and do a lot of shitty shit lol. Much more heathy environment for ourselves, children, the world lol. Dream big, remember? 😉😉
Mary Louise Parker was class personified over the whole thing.
Pregnancy hormones still did not let her lose her $hit.
Claire’s defence of her actions is remarkably self involved.
And there is a pattern, as husband Hugh Darcy left his then partner for Claire.
CD doesn’t seem to be concerned about karma.
I forgot that her now husband fits her M.O. of how to obtain a man.
I can’t stand her although I did love her acting in the 1st 2 seasons of Homeland. She plays crazy almost too well…
What a bytch though. Can’t wait until it catches up with her if it hasn’t already. She could be living in a nice private hell in her own head (which I would not wish on anyone).
I hated her on Homeland, i couldnt even get passed the second half of season 2. She plays bipolar too stereotypically, as though she couldnt be bothered to actually do some research and spend time with diagnosed bipolar people. Bad actress, worse human being.
Maybe she was happy to be rid of him hahahaha
No, Hugh dated Annie for a long time but they were pretty unstable, he said back in the day they were on and off all the time, until they split permanently. He met Claire filming Evening, but he was single when he met her.
Rumor has it she left Billy for him, but, for all we know media just wanted to milk her cheater status.
As for this mess the only thing I’m going to say that at least she admits it, worse is this celebrities that deny it all costs, I’m looking at you Brad & Angie, Johnny & Amber.
According to Aniston herself, Brad was completely honest with her about his feelings for Jolie and it was Aniston herself who told him to go have an affair and get it out of his system, but he couldn’t do that so left altogether. That clearly isn’t an affair, that’s a clean break. Alyssa, Aniston herself said no affair happened, Courteney said no affair happened, it has pretty well been proven now that no affair happened. Did you ever stop to think that maybe they (AND ANISTON AND COURTENEY) deny it, because……THEY ARE TELLING THE TRUTH? I mean, it does happen that innocent people are wrongly accused. Not *every* story you hear about cheating, is 100% true 100% of the time. Brad and Angelina just happen to be such a couple that were wrongly accused and smeared and character assassinated for ten years, and now we know that it was proven no affair happened. All those years, for nothing. Don’t make the mistake of believing every tabloid story of an affair, especially since time has basically exonerated Brad and Angelina even though some seem to irrationally want to believe an affair happened and cling to it despite all reason. I think you also forget that Aniston cheated on her husband Brad with Matt leBlanc (I consider a father of one of the 2 to be reliable) and refuses to admit it, and denies at all costs that she came between Heidi Bivens and Justin Theroux, and that was a 14 year relationship. So, perhaps you should re-phrase to I’m looking at you Jennifer and Justin, Johnny and Amber.
MLP got so much Hollywood love from that breakup. It launched her into being a household name and soon Weeds.
Billy got rightfully shafted.
Claire always bounces back. I think due to good, quiet PR and not feeling she has to speak to every rumor or detail out the about her. She flies under the gossip radar well.
All that said, I can’t imagine at that age pursuing a man I thought I loved/lusted after who was 2 months away from delivering a baby with his gf. It would feel wrong no matter how naive I was. It’s a basic response.
Claire has talent too, and that’s always a savior. I do think her career slumped a bit until Temple Grandin though.
I’d feel creeped out and he’s much older than she is. Claire doesn’t really bounce back though, it’s strictly TV for her, and TV work in Hollywood (except a very high rated one) is usually considered as lower class
Yes it is, it’s in the joke of every golden globe show. People value Oscar way way above Emmy because movie is the gold not TV. I’m not saying that TV is worthless but just worth less. A great tv show like Mad Men or Breaking Bad or Friends is in another level but how many of Mad Men/Breaking Bad is out there ?
MLP was already on a career hot streak – The West Wing, Angels In America.
Claire Danes was definitely put in career purgatory (deservedly so). She and Crudup made such bad choices. What little you heard about that relationship sounded like she was miserable and insecure the whole time – karma.
If karma means you reap what you sow, I don’t believe in it. So many good people get terrible things happening to them while the bas@tards prosper. Occasionally people’s misdeeds catch up with them but mostly they don’t. I think that’s why so many people want to believe in an afterlife where justice is done. Appealing but unlikely. Specifically….I think if I was Claire and was asked about this issue I’d politely decline to comment. What can be gained by it after all this time? Any thoughts / regrets she had should be expressed to the people directly involved in the situation.
Karma means going the same thing over and over again until you learn how to handle it properly.
For most people reliving bad experiences is not fun. Claire didn’t learn from her cheating, she’ll eventually through it again. Maybe not cheating but some kind of betrayal, because this is who she is. And even when she is the perpetrator it is still a bad experience that reflects on her and hurts her whether she lets on or not,
“I went through it”. “It was really hard”… Really?! You really think YOU’re the one who’s life has been hard through this situation? Really?
I don’t think I’ve ever been this disgusted since the Leann Rimes shenanigans after her own homewrecking. Vomitous.
I’m with you and I’m speaking from experience. I was abandoned 6 months into my first pregnancy, and it was the most emotional heartbreaking experience I’d been through. But I quickly focused on my unborn child and with the help of family and friends I came through the experience a better person and my daughter who is now 23 is an amazing, wonderful and beautiful young woman that I adore. As much as I loved Billy Crudup in Almost Famous I always side eye him and CD as well.
That’s what I’m talking about! How many of us truly wish pain on others? Most ppl are selfish and live for themselves in the moment. Life isn’t supposed to be easy(has birth not shown us that from day one?). I said upthread that cheating can not be the worst thing that happens to you! So much more important and terrible things will happen to you! You shouldn’t allow the ego and the mind to hold you back. Sometimes in the long run you see where you end is worth the journey it took to get there. Being able to adapt and evolve is the beautiful gift of life! I wish we could focus on that, focus on the reality instead of the opinions and judgements.
I agree that sometimes the journey is a means to an end. Example: I’m glad the boyfriend I had at 18 cheated on me when he did and that I found out b/c what if I had married that creep? Don’t even want to think about it. However, plenty of people reach their end goal without having to go through anything like that. And even though I came out good in the end, it still changed me. I used to have unconditional trust – not after that. You keep saying “focus on reality instead of opinions and judgement.” Just because the reality is it was a good thing to find out who he really was and not get sucked in deeper, does not mean he shouldn’t be held accountable for the lying, sneaking, sack of sh!t he is. I do judge him and others like him. It’s not like he’s changed or had some epiphany somewhere along the road. Thank God I’m not the one being cheated on anymore, but fact is, he’s a horrible person.
Great post Nicolette, glad you and your daughter came through a horrible experience.
I notice when celebs do mention regret about an affair that didn’t work out that they never mention feeling bad about what the wife/significant other went through and being a part of that. They just mention how rough it was. No matter what, they still don’t like the wife probably because of some competition felt and the anger MLP or anyone else probably showed and because of what they were fed by the boyfriend/husband, poor me, and you’re the chosen one — until you’re not.
They don’t acknowledge the person(s) they hurt because that would mean they actually did something wrong. Sociopaths don’t use names or think of those involved as actual people. It’s a way to disconnect and live with themselves and what they’ve done/do. It’s typical/text book.
I wish I had time to do a copy and paste from all the articles on Kristen Stewart.
To say there is a double standard is an understatement. (As in CD should get a pass)
24 or 22 you are old enough not to get involved with men in committed relationships.
Claire got away with it because has/has a lower profile.
This is an excellent point. I’ll even add that KS probably did not get a pass because she’s not as well liked by some people. She reportedly doesn’t smile, she’s classed as try hard and some think she’s pretentious. Also, there were pics of KS and the married guy all over the papers and internet. My memory is rusty but I don’t think CD/BC’s affair was widely covered.
But it was way worse. Mary Louise Parker was like seven months pregnant. Billy left her for Claire. It was covered. But the reason it didn’t stay with any coverage was MLP gave no interviews. None of the parties did pap walks to keep it alive. And Mary Louise Parker moved on to Jeffrey Dean Morgan for a few years. Nice.
Kristen just was caught kissing with a guy that once it was papped it was over. He begged back to his wife and they went into counseling. Ultimately, the wife chose not to stay. She wasn’t dumped. Kristen went back to Rob and they worked it out for quite a while and then broke up. We never saw the depth of what their affair was and the husband didn’t leave his wife for Kristen.
Edit: I read Mary Louise Parker is writing a memoir in the form of letters. I doubt she will spill too much.
Here’s what she said four years after the affair. She doesn’t want anybody’s sympathy, really.
“It’s weird to me the way that people receive it. Not so much that they speculate on it, but that they feel they have the right to comment on it.”
of course Kristen would attract more negative voices because of her profile but she was also dating a famous man with lots of women who adored him. so naturally they came to his defence and trashed her.
you also need to factor in when it happened, Kristen Stewart just came from one of the most succesful franchises with probably the most fanatic following and social media played a huge part. the triangle between Aniston, Pitt and Jolie would also have looked different with social media all around the world.
also Kristen Stewart is doing very well as is Claire. the men that cheated lost their careers.
Rupert Sanders is about to direct a movie with Scarlett Johanson
Billy Crudup consistently works
The women are just more talented.
I don’t recall anybody saying or expressing any feeling that Rupert was not at fault or that he was somehow seduced by KStew. In fact, the overall opinion was that he took advantage of her b/c he was older, successful, influential, and her boss. People were still angry with her for being stupid, sneaky, and yes, disgusting, because she knew his wife and they worked together on that movie to some degree. I see no double standard. They were both vilified in the media.
I think that in this kind of situations is quite easy to point fingers at the other woman (The c*nt!) but let’s face it nobody forces anyone in anything. To be fair we don’t know what was going on between Billy Crudup is and MLP. I don’t think anyone was blind sided. MLP seemed over it soon. I hope everyone is in a better place now.
exactly. it’s never nice to be cheated and i would imagine even more if you’re pregnant at the time, however I try not to judge too much because unless you’re the one in the situation you just don’t know. i think some people are disgusting and cheat because they’re bored, but i also think that sometimes people are in wrong relationships and actually do fall in love with someone else. relationships and human beings are never black and white.
Some people cheated because they have poor boundaries and brittle egos. My bestfriend had a great relationship and her then bf slowly turned cold, he met someone new, started to lie a lot and you know what’s next. Even he admitted that there’s nothing wrong, the new one was just a shiny new thing who loved to praise him all the time. Poor puppy told my bff that he had to choose, thankfully she got her head on to know enough that if someone make you an option, run
When that happened I looked down more on Billy Crudup for leaving his woman when she was heavily pregnant. I couldn’t do what Claire Danes did, but I’ll never understand the calling women a home wrecker thing. I didn’t get it with Angelina and I still don’t get it. It lets men off the hook and focuses the blame on the new woman.
There’s little point in having a conversation about this type of thing because everybody acts like your brain is working order when you are panty meltingly attracted to somebody and have to see them every day.
It’s easy to judge until you have been in that position
I once had a heavy debate with somebody on a forum – they were all gung ho slutshaming this girl for sleeping with a married man. She was being totally unreasonable. Eventually she admitted that she had had an affair in her past and her husband had forgiven her………….. I asked her how she can be so judgmental of other people and she couldn’t give an answer. She just felt good slut-shaming, i guess. Weird.
The net thrives on people pulling themselves up by putting other people down. It’s like that’s what it was designed for.
Thank you! Apparently this is where perfect people who’ve never made a mistake congregate. Claire wasn’t especially articulate when answering the question, but it is an uncomfortable one and I can understand why the “Perfectly Pleasing” words may not have come her.
Never cheated on my spouse so if that makes me “perfect” then sure, I’ll take it.
I meant this generally. Every human being makes mistakes, they’re just different ones. Why can’t there be open and honest communication about it? The holier than thou attitude gets in the way and is f-ing tedious.
Is it holier than thou to know that something is wrong ? I’ve never cheated and never been cheated on, yet i still condemn this kind of behavior because it’s hurtful and cowardly.
Mistakes are accidents. I didn’t think you tripped and fell on someone’s bump bits while you are already bumping bits with someone else by accident. Does she regret it? Probably, if only for the bad PR blast. If it wasn’t her though, Crudup would’ve went with someone else.
I agree wholeheartedly that this behavior is wrong. It is hurtful and not okay. I even think that judgement has its place in society to help mitigate bad behavior. However, it should be tempered to fit the offense. Also, as MND said above, the internet thrives on people putting others down in order prop themselves up, which is really very sad.
Mistakes can be hurtful behaviors that we regret, they don’t have to be “accidents”.
“Not articulate”? She expressed no remorse at all, and that’s what people have a problem with. She may as well have just said “The heart wants what the heart wants”.
“panty meltingly attracted”??
lol, well that’s a new one, I’ll remember that
I’m sure Mary Louise Parker “just loved” the father of her unborn child as well. Sigh – I wish Claire Danes would keep her mouth shut about this, it would be classier than blaming it youthful indiscretion when she was already 24.
I was going to say something similar in that it’s always better to keep one’s mouth shut in these type of situations. I’m sure Stern is really good at getting his guests to open up but Claire is very smart and old enough to realize that she shouldn’t “open” up.
Are you sure she did love him as well? Could it be that they were fighting, that their love was on the rocks already? We don’t really know.
24 is not that much. It might be in your book, fair enough, but objectively, at 24, it can be impossible at that age to resist the attention of a much older man who knows how to play on your strings and whom you are madly attracted to.
It doesn’t make a difference. If the relationship was bad, he should have left it as an honest person. That excuse is so darn tired. “We were fighting” is no excuse to treat another human being so poorly, and Billy and Claire did exactly that. Everyone is so anxious to excuse crappy behavior. Adults need to act like adults.
Then, Heaven forbid he end the relationship and move on in a respectful honest way. As if cheating is the only recourse. Give me a break!
I’m not a perfect person and I don’t expect anybody to be perfect, but judgment has it’s place. I might have let a door shut in someone’s face this morning at the gas station. I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. I have not cheated on a partner…ever! That is not an accident. That is a thought-out, plotted, callous conscious decision. A decision of any kind is not an accident or even a mistake. It is a betrayal…one that involves lying, sneaking, and deviance. Not the same at all. Tired of people’s selfish choices being parlayed to accidents and mistakes. Call it what it is. A selfish act. period. And now, they can deal with the backlash. When we do awful things that only benefit ourselves, there will be repercussions.
But he did end the relationship and moved on. His girlfriend was pregnant when he ended the relationship (like the girlfriend of Tom Brady, right?). He moved onto Claire.
Whether you allow it or not, it was a mistake. Not the first and not the last one Claire made in her life. I don’t even know if she learned from it, but I do know, never say never and don’t be harsh on those who done something wrong. You were lucky you never had to experience remorse of a wrong relationship, wrong behaviour, lost chances, wasted years. Remorse is awful. But it makes you more kind to the others who err, so perhaps this is the whole point of having it, I don’t know.
The thing that struck me reading this is that Claire seems like she sees the situation as all about her and doesn’t seem to have remorse for hurting MLP. If I were in her position, I would try to mention that my judgement was clouded by my emotions and have since felt bad about the part I played in causing a lot of pain to someone in a vulnerable state.
Of course, I don’t have the details, but come on. I know I certainly made some poor relationship choices in my early 20’s – choices that definitely hurt other people. But when I look back on them now, I don’t think “Oh, that was a really hard time for me.” My perspective is more that I’ve gained some insights over the years and can better interpret the big picture and how my behavior affected others in a negative way.
I do think she was kind of caught off guard and in a way I think it would almost be worse to mention MLP by name as it could have come across as condescending. That said, she should have just said something in general like “it was a sh*tty thing to do” or “I made a big mistake.” I’m kind of side-eyeing her though as she’s a smart, 36 year old woman who should have handled this way better…. as you said she should have had some perspective by this point.
She has to expect Howard would try to dig at any past scandal. After all, he typically does not ask for his guest’s latest cookie recipe.
Reminds me of the show I was watching on Investigation ID last night. A woman stabbed another woman to death. The woman who was stabbed – her son was right there when it happened and had to watch his mother be stabbed and die in front of him and he was too little to do anything about it but watch in horror. The murderer only got five years in prison. She is out now and obviously doing interviews. She said numerous times, she wants to talk about what happened so other people don’t have to go through WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH. I still can’t over her not acknowledging what she did to that woman and her son. In her mind, it’s still all about her and what she’s gone through. Some people are unbelievable.
I remember that scandal as well. It was shocking. I am guessing that Clare was caught off guard because she comes off sounding stupid. I mean, did she really not realize the consequences? She should have just said something along the lines of how she regrets the hurt it caused. Sheesh.
I wonder if she’s going to be super cool if Hugh Dancy catches the eye of some 20 something who like, “needs to explore” how she feels about him.
It must be nice to just absolve yourself of blame in a situation like this-Billy Crudup is a giant ass for cheating on his pregnant wife, but Claire Danes doesn’t get to just excuse herself because she was young. 24 is well old enough to know better. If you knowingly involve yourself with someone who is married or otherwise attached, you are just as big of a jerk, sorry. Make your apologies and move on-don’t just brush it off like it isn’t a big deal.
Claire also dumped her boyfriend (singer Ben Lee) of six years for Crudup… They are still friendly. She has mad ex girlfriend skills.
“She has mad ex-girlfriend skills.” I noticed that, too. I think she’s an interesting woman. Intelligent, talented, and relatively private.
It seems like a lot of the comments are about her lack of remorse. How do we know she didn’t experience remorse?
She displays a frightening lack of empathy towards MLP even now. The idiotic behavior is forgivable but showing zero remorse or empathy when discussing it now is not. You would have thought now that she is a mother and the same age as MLP she might have said something about how terrible she feels about it. She did not. All she did was talk about how hard it was for her to live. through. Disgusting. She sounds like a complete sociopath with zero regard for others.
Well, given that it is a pattern for her and it doesn’t seem to affect her in any way I feel like she has a sort of bubble she lives in. She doesn’t come through as unlikable, which means she doesn’t really hurt people on purpose but she is very self-centered and ” it is not personal it is business” kind of personality.
That’s what throws me. I get that at 24, she may not have fully realized the implications of what she was doing, and was just in her bubble. I get that. But how hard is it to say “I was wrong….I thought being in love with him meant that I could be with him. That it was the right thing to do.” NOT HARD AT ALL.
People hate cheaters, but they hate ones who a) can’t shut up about it (looking at you Leann!), and b) show no remorse when they do talk about it.
It’s not merely a “bubble” she lives in. This is a sociopathic trait. That doesn’t necessarily mean she is a sociopath, but she has some of the traits. It is her nature to only perceive the world in the way it affects her. She doesn’t express remorse or empathy because she doesn’t feel those things. I guess we should accept this about her and others like her because she can’t genuinely express feelings we expect and if she did, it would be acting, and we don’t want dishonesty. I’m glad I came to this conclusion. I need a reality check so I stop gettiing angsty over this topic.
> She doesn’t express remorse or empathy because she doesn’t feel those things.
Don’t actors need to be sensitive though and be able to put themselves in others shoes?
How does she do it if she can’t feel empathy with others? She is acting just purely on technical aspects and appearances?
It is hard to understand.
I get that relationships break up, people fall out of love…etc., etc. However, it is a special kind of f*$ked up for a man to leave his 7 month pregnant wife!!!! And to be the woman that he is leaving his pregnant wife for (even if she is 24 years old) is disgusting. How can that not be a red flag for the future relationship?? I mean if you are unhappy, get out of the original relationship for crying out loud! I am sure it still would have been painful for MLP, given that she was having his baby, but to see him go on immediately with CD? Ugh…gross all around. I agree with some other posters that it is remarkable that Claire Danes emerged from this scandal. Look at celebrities like LeAnn Rimes who never fully recover from that kind of thing. But to claim that she was simply 24 and had to go through it…..that comment seems lacking in insight & empathy, very immature and Danes certainly does not do herself any favors in this interview with Stern. And just to be clear, I put way more of the blame on BC because he was the selfish ***hole who left his pregnant girlfriend of years.
that’s because leann never shuts up about it. if she had been quieter about it, she’d likely be fine now.
Well. for what it is worth, I think Claire’s messy personal side hurt her career a lot. She didn’t live up to her potential.
It hurt her career? She’s the lead on a hit television show. She’s won three Emmys and four Golden Globes. I think she’s doing ok.
Yes, well. When she just started after Romeo &Juliet everyone was going on about her like she was the next Meryl Streep.
She is a TV star, yes, but she could’ve been much more.
You know that the part of Carrie Mathison on Homeland was specifically written for her right? How many actresses can say that they were given their own star vehicle?
She’s an incredibly well-respected, award-winning actress, EN. I think if she wanted to be a film actress, she easily could have been. After making 13 films in 5 years, she wisely opted for a steady paycheck and consistent filming schedule instead.
Maybe you and I just have different definitions of success.
Kitten, I agree with you and your assessment regarding her options, however, she definitely experienced a slump for a while. Homeland didn’t come into the picture until just a few years ago. I really can’t think of anything between Stage Beauty and Homeland. She was working, but not on anything anybody remembers or that boosted her career or was on par with the work she did before her Crudup debacle, like The Hours, Les Miserables, and Brokedown Palace. Those were pretty good movies, but after the debacle…..crickets. Her career was hurt from 2004-2011.
It definitely hurt her career. She’s successful now, but her career trajectory drastically changed after this debacle.
> Her career was hurt from 2004-2011.
That is what I feel too. She had to sit out her best years in the “principal’s office”. Ageism is a real issue for women actresses and she is closing on 40 .
BC and CD did MLP a favor. He was a hot commodity at the time and I doubt Danes was the only one. CD is romanticized the hole situation.
If she was smart CD would have said that it was a private part of her life and prefer not to discuss the matter.
At 24 you know what “married” is. He’s wrong, she’s wrong, they were both assholes, and I’m not going to “empathize” with two people who obviously lacked it themselves.
They weren’t married. Not saying they weren’t a**holes, though.
I think the term A##holes sums it up nicely. And after all the time that has passed changed nothing.
While she is definitely justifying and not displaying a whole lot of remorse, I have a teeny, tiny bit of understanding for her. When I was a senior in college, at 22, I started hooking up with a grad student who had a long-term girlfriend in another country (he was just here for a year). At the time, I knew it was wrong, but got carried away by hormones and drama. Later on, I had a better understanding of how serious their relationship was (living together for 5 years in a country where marriage is on the wane and this is sort of equivalent to being married). I don’t think I could have done it if the girlfriend was living in the same country and especially if she was pregnant, but I sort of understand how when you are younger, even as a young adult, you don’t quite “get” the consequences, especially if you have never had a long-term serious relationship yourself, or haven’t had a kid yet. I would like her a lot better if she admitted to feeling horrible about it now.
my bff says she has suffered from the cosmic phenomenon of “karma face”. claire danes hasn’t aged particularly well and MLP has. claire danes got MLP’s man and MLP got claire’s youth.
But I think Clare got into fillers and botox. She certainly looks harder now than the pics above. She definitely got something done.
She makes it sound like she was the innocent victim. Poor Claire, didn’t know any better.
Then again, every villain is a misunderstood victim in their mind.
Just admit you were an overwhelmingly selfish bitch.
And think how you would have felt had Dancy left you for another woman while you were heavily pregnant with his kid.
Exactly! You took the words out of my mouth!
These are some passionate comments! Wow. Understandable that it’s upsetting she made such a huge mistake. That being said, it was 12 years ago, not yesterday. I feel like this is reopening the wound of being angry at her for a mistake she made such a long time ago. Now, she is married with a kid and almost 40. We need to let it go. I am surprised stars will agree to having Stern open up their ugly past. Pointless and it stings all the people it originally affected back in the day.
Mary Louise Parker has some sort of written memoir coming out next month. It’s called ‘Dear Mr. You’. God I hope she treats them just right. 😉
I also was left by my ex husband for another woman while I was 7 months pregnant. We also had a 4 year old. It’s the saddest, loneliest, most heartbreaking thing in the world. I don’t wish it on anyone.
It’s been 14 years, and thankfully I have mostly gotten over it. I do know it was for the best. I have a wonderful husband now who is a wonderful stepfather. Ex is still with the woman, they now have 2 kids of their own. And pretty much act like mine don’t exist.
Most days I forget about them but after this story I’m back in a place of wishing them the worst.
Oh well, I’m only human. And MLP is a class act. Even if she says terrible things about them, which she probably won’t, I won’t judge her one bit! F*ck Billy Crudup and Claire Danes.
Your ex is such an ahole. It must be difficult, you’re one strong woman 🙂
Thank you for the validation, I needed that. This story and telling my own brings it all back again, it hurts!
Hard not to send him a text telling him whT an ahole he is. But of course then he’d probably say something to upset me even more….
I am strong, gna go live my life and be happier than them. Hopefully! Lol
Great attitude. Karma has a way of leveling the playing field, eventually. Just keep holding your head high.
“But it’s OK….. I went through it.”
Because it’s all about you Claire.
Yup. And you know what else I recall? HE DID receive most of the flack, I remember thinking she barely took any heat at all. She was just there all quiet with that forever smug look on her face. Mind you, I’m glad that happened to him but I’m so surprised that she came through it relatively unscathed, EVEN WHEN SHE DID IT AGAIN with her now husband!!! She seems to only want men who are already involved with others. She’s just as gross as BC & I thought it was great he got a taste of her douchebaggery too! Now someone needs to serve her up some! She’s always gotten away with all her trash behavior & seemingly has NO REMORSE, ie, “I had to explore it”. Call me terrible but I’d LOL if ever happened to her too, maybe then she’d realize that it’s mean to treat people like they and their families are just casualties/disposable .
These situations are always complicated, and as my father said to me growing up “no one in a love triangle comes out the winner.” I’ve been on all sides (the cheater, the cheat-ee, and the homewrecker). What I learned personally is that I am incapable of monogamy and I am very up front about that with potential partners. I think there would be a lot less pain in this world if people could just fess up to that. However, I believe in marriage and I know lots of people in open marriages and that’s what works for them. People make agreements within committed relationships, some which we may know nothing about and it’s best not to judge.
I had an affair when I was 28 on my 32 year old boyfriend at the time with a 23 year old virginal man(yup I took his virginity). I was lacking in affection, sex, and well love even though I was living with my boyfriend at the time (we started sleeping in separate bedrooms). Myself and the affair guy were on and off for 7 years (most of which I was attached to said boyfriend). I was waiting for other man to get his act together (unemployed 2+ years). Then suddenly we had an amazing year, he finally get a full-time job and dumped me for a nerdy girl who just turned 22 who lives at home and just graduated college! He is now almost 31. I have been embarassed/humiliated these past few months and feel I have wasted 7 good years (I am 34 now) on someone who didn’t deserve my heart nor was ready for marriage (which I wanted). I felt like I was a prize to win to him and once he had me fully and got his act together, he found someone he somehow thinks has more in common than we do. He has become a sad cliche. I hope I can find that kind of love again.
So you cheated on this guy for seven years and now you’re mad that he found someone else?
My boyfriend never found someone else, it was the man I had the affair with who couldn’t get his act together who found someone else (he has a job now but doesn’t make much money maybe 20k a year with a college degree). Which is why I stayed with long term boyfriend for so long even though I was unhappy, he had his act together so much more. BTW, long term boyfriend knew about affair with our mutual friend and was ok with it (he said it was his fault for neglecting me and not giving me what I needed). Most of my exes before this were similar to affair guy, never got their act together before or even years after we broke up.
Oh ok I see. I misunderstood.
So you’re not with the one you cheated on for 7 years (or had an “open relationship” with for 7 years) and you’re not with the one that you de-virginized.
So…question: why did you stay with someone who emotionally and physically “neglected” you? What is the point of maintaining a relationship for 7 years with someone when you clearly were in love with someone else and apparently, planning a future with that someone else? I’m not trying to be challenging, I just truly don’t understand why you would string a dude along like that. Seems unfair to me, ya know?
Not trying to grill you but infidelity is something that fascinates/confounds me and since I have you here, I wouldn’t mind picking your brain about it if you’ll let me.
I actually was with original guy for almost 9 years (the affair started a year and a half in). I have an odd situation and am not the norm(so not sure how much help I will be here). Everyone’s situation is unique and different. I am an only child and stand to inherit a lot of money after my father’s death(its in trust for me and bypasses my mother). I am overly cautious because I have had men in the past who took advantage of me financially (I get lump sums currently, kinda like an allowance from the trust). I don’t care if the man makes 30 or 50k a year, I just want them to be gainfully employed and I was really worried about leaving a man who was always gainfully employed for someone who was similar to my exes (not in the take advantage sort of way, but in the consistently not gainfully employed sort of way). That was the only reason I stayed even though I was unhappy; I didn’t want to repeat old patterns. The guy I was with long-term originally has deceased parents and thinks of me as family; I think he simply wants me as a mother type figure. He was super happy with the relationship and didn’t understand why I craved more.
With the affair guy, I chucked it up to his age (4 years younger than me) but now I am beginning to think he is simply immature in general, which is probably why he feels comfortable dating someone who just turned 22 and lives at home. He also was incredibly insecure in general and like many other men in the past, thought he wasn’t good enough for me and was very intimidated by my family’s wealth(I never flaunted it, but the mere fact that it was there was enough). I am 34 and cannot imagine dating anyone not ready for marriage anymore.
Yeah I hear ya. I’m 36 so I get the whole wanting a *concrete* future with someone and of course, gainfully employed is a must.
All dudes want a mother. It’s annoying as hell.
Just an FYI, I’m confident that you can find a man who’s gainfully employed, who doesn’t neglect you physically and emotionally and who isn’t after you for your money. I’m certain that he’s out there. And believe me, I know how f*cking few and far-between the choices are in our mid-thirties. Still, I’d let the Virgin Dude make his mistakes and just move on to someone who has their sh*t together. You def. need to find a guy who already has his own money.
That’s my advice as a random, weed-smoking internet stranger….
I guess starting over at this point is a bit sad to me. I gave my whole heart to virgin dude for the first time really ever all to get it rejected ultimately in the end. I am a bit not so hopeful at present, but I am getting there day by day. I really hope I am married by 40 (new life goal haha). Thank you for listening/kind words.
Not to split hairs, but it doesn’t sound like you were cheating, it sounds like you were in an open relationship. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you and I hope you find someone else.
Hmmm….very enlightening. Thanks Kitten for prying for all of us who were also curious. Very brave of you, Andrea, to be open and honest. That’s why this site is so amazing.
Andrea, don’t put a deadline on yourself. If it doesn’t happen by 40 who cares. It’s just a number. And when you are ready to start delving into the waters again, do not go for a younger man. You can’t go after someone 5-6 years younger than you and then blame them for being immature. Men mature slower than women anyway, so what is the female equivalent of a 23 year old man – a teenager? Anyhow, go about first making sure you’re on the same responsibility level with the next person in your life. Don’t settle for someone who is young and intimidated by you. Sounds a bit like subconsciously giving yourself an edge, but only to get f—cked by that edge later. Find someone that challenges you. You might be surprised.
Thank you @tealily and jenniferjustice for your kind words. Not to split hairs either, but he was 4 years younger, but still probably too young. I was far more experienced than him datingwise(again he only had a online girlfriend for a month before me whom he’d never met, not even sure that counts; took him a year to get over that too). I know that shouldn’t matter in the grand scheme but it definitely showed every time we got into an argument/ended things etc.
I will admit this as well, he is the only man to ever break my heart. Every other man I have dated, I have been the one to end things or come to a mutual agreement, so that is why it probably hurts that much more—I have never had my heartbroken before ever..so at 34, that stings particularly bad. I will say this though, I have always said that the person who breaks my heart will probably set me up for the person I am meant to be with and I hope I do finally find someone to challenge me. Thank you all. 🙂
Umm…not to be crass but it kinda sounds like Karma? You cheated on the guy repeatedly for years (also with a younger lover), you weren’t loyal to him at all through his worst, but think you deserve him at his best? :::confused:::
No, the long term boyfriend stayed with me(btw the long term boyfriend knew about the affair and was ok with it, he knew he wasn’t giving me what I needed). It was the affair man who couldn’t get his act together that ultimately left me for a much younger woman. I know it sounds like a soap opera. :/
And the younger guy still doesn’t totally have his act together (he barely makes end meet with current job, but he at least has his own apartment now). I guess for the girl who is living at home whom he is dating now, she doesn’t care about that so much since she just turned 22. I guess they are a more suited match. :/ Still hurts a lot because I really loved him over anyone else and thought we could have a future together once he got stable employment.
So the virgin dude knew that you were living with another guy right? You said above that you were all “mutual friends”?
Yeah…I hate to say it but maybe deep down Virgin Guy just doesn’t trust you, man.
Probably not. :/ But he also filled my head with bad things (that really weren’t that bad about his mutual friend (my boyfriend) which lured me deeper into it to begin with). Another mutual friend said virgin dude has white knight syndrome. He does have a degree in psychology and is always a bit well you know the type right? He told me the 22 year old has major problems with her father, which I am sure attracts him to her greatly. I have major issues with my mother. The biggest issue: we have a lot of mutual friends in common (me and virgin dude), so he will never fully disappear out of my life completely, he will always be on someone’s social media etc.
“He has become a sad cliche.”
LOLOLOLOLOL, you’re joking right??
Honey, you are the cliche here, and everyone reading your post thinks the same.
So, the dude you were cheating with has now cheated on you?
Karma’s a bitch, I know.
I hate to invoke any references to Justin effing Timberlake, but really, what goes around comes around, comes around, comes all the way back around.
He IS a sad cliche and all our mutual friends think so. An almost 31 year old man playing around with an anime 22 year old girl who lives at home still. He is playing out a teenage love story he should have done years ago(he’s never had a girlfriend before). And he makes 20k a year at his age all because he limited what he’d apply to jobwise(he has a college degree and a lot more options than those who don’t). The only reason he got the current job was because a mutual friend works there.
You are overly cruel with your comments. Not everyone thinks the same if you read the above comments. I believe those who aren’t compassionate towards one another don’t find compassion when they need it also. It takes an open mind and heart to truly be open to all scenarios life brings us and our friends (you must have a small social circle, because people I am friends with/have come in contact with don’t have perfect cookie cutter lives either).
Girl, I’m only being brutally honest and it seems like you need to hear it.
The sooner you open your eyes and start over the better it’ll be for everyone involved.
You have been cheating on your steady boyfriend with an immature younger man for over 7 years right?
And now you’re stunned that the younger immature guy found someone else, even younger?!
He is a cliche, I agree, but so are you. You need to accept this and take a good hard long look at your life and at the mistakes you’ve made. Because you have made mistakes. Not just your lover who you use to cheat on your boyfriend, but you as well, you made a big mistake, and you’ve dragged it on for SEVEN freaking YEARS.
I’m sorry, who does that??
You’re getting a taste of your own medicine now and you don’t like it and now you’re blaming your lover and seeking comforting words from strangers.
Well I’ve always been an objective honest person myself and I’m telling you like it is – you did not behave like a good person. Break up with both of them for crying out loud already and move on with your life before it’s too late.
And I hope that your future husband doesn’t decide to cheat on you with a younger immature lover and drags it on behind your back for 7 years.
P.S. you call me cruel? my words aren’t cruelty, girl, your actions are the real cruelty here
It wasn’t behind his back though, he knew about the affair and stated that it was mostly his fault due to his neglect(emotionally and physically). My boyfriend told me I could go to the lover if I wanted to, but I stayed because the lover never found gainful employment. That’s what I mean about nothing is black and white, my boyfriend knew I was in love with another man and wanted to be with him if things changed for my lover and stayed anyway because he loved me so much and hoped it’d work out. Isn’t there some culpability on his part too?
It was on and off for 7 years due to the lover’s unemployment issues. I did make mistakes because I shouldn’t have bothered with both of them for as long as I did, which is what I mourn now. I was too overly hopeful that either would improve their situation/our relationship. I barely talk to the lover now, he wanted to be friends in the hopes if it doesn’t work out with young girl, we can have another go, but I am exhausted emotionally from him. I built him up so much when he was depressed/unemployed etc; he was extremely needy and needed constant reassurance on his worth and I just have nothing left to give him.
I hope no one replicates my scenario in the fact that they are hopeful that men will turn into something better than they are, sadly they are what they are. I should have found someone years ago that was better suited for me, but given my track record thus far (before these two) I am not very hopeful, but nonetheless still hang onto some hope I find a man one day and not more boys.
Andrea, it sounds to me like you value the paycheck more than the man.
Your boyfriend is only guilty of loving you too much and living in colossal denial. You’re guilty of leading him on and giving him false hope. Why would you stay with him? Purely for money? Really?? Do you realize now how horrible that is.
You stayed with your boyfriend because he had money while simultaneously taking up a lover who was poor but who you hoped would one day get money and thus replace your boyfriend.
I can’t offer anything better than, you effed up. You weren’t fair to your boyfriend and you were terribly naive in thinking a young boy in his 20s who has an affair with a woman he knows has a boyfriend is anything else than a selfish brat.
In the end, if you care about how much money a man makes more than you care about him, you’ll never be happy. Money comes and goes, and money is not the measure of worth of a person.
A great man can be poor but kind, loving, faithful and a decent human being. No steady job with six figure bonuses can ever replace that.
If you don’t value and love a man for who he is, instead of what he’s worth in $, you’ll never be happy in relationships.
I don’t care how much he made, I just wanted someone who can support themselves. I have had boyfriends in the past mooch off of me, live with me rent free due to low income/lack of drive and I didn’t want to repeat past mistakes. I don’t care how much the guy makes, as long as he can support himself without my help. I don’t think that that is asking too much. If I had left my boyfriend for my lover, I would have had to support him for years. I was told by many of my friends that I did the right thing by ending it several times rather than supporting a grown boy. Sadly, my parents encouraged me to stay with the boyfriend for years over the money and I sadly listened to them for a long time; they liked that my boyfriend had his act together and could pay half the bills (sadly the first man i’ve dated who could do so) and disliked my lover (yup they met him several times too). They think money is greater than happiness. My mother married my father for his money(she all but told me that after I was crying over my lover one time), so I have some great role models here also.
I just want someone who is okay with my family having money, secure in themselves, and can support their own lifestyle. I sadly have had trouble my adult life finding a man who fits all that criteria. I know it isn’t all about money, I don’t care if we live in a trailer together as long as he pays his half of the bills.
“If I had left my boyfriend for my lover, I would have had to support him for years.”
Err, so then who supported him all these years while he was helping you cheat on your boyfriend?
You wanted to have your cake and eat it too.
So the lover couldn’t support himself but you still continued to have sex with him?
You keep making excuses and you keep placing blame elsewhere (lover, parents) instead of owning up to your mistakes. No one made these choices for you, they were your choices. You can’t keep blaming others for your effed up life. You can only blame yourself.
And I still say you value the money more than the man. If I loved a man with all my heart unconditionally I’d gladly pay the bills and help support him. Because that’s what love is. Love doesn’t disappear if his cash reserves dry up.
Sorry Andrea, but you sound as immature as your lover.
The lover was living off of his sister and then his mother (he moved around due to his lack or under employment; it was back and forth). He actually lived on and off with me and my boyfriend early on too, which is how the initial affair began. He had issues after a car accident and I felt sorry for him.
I do own up that I messed up. I have a hard time making decisions because my parents did isolate me a lot growing up and always made decisions for me(only child). I sadly ask their advice too much as a grown adult and did listen to them when I discussed my unhappiness with my boyfriend. I have really been trying lately to make my own decisions without their advice/guidance/approval.
Eventually everything does grow old though. When you have financially supported men that think they can take it easy because your family has money, let me know how it works out for you. Bittnerness and resentment grow when you go to work everyday and he sits at home playing video games and eats your cereal. If he had gotten laid off, it would have been one thing, but he openly left a fairly easy job because he found it stressful (other friends work there, they said it was stupid for him to leave it) and then went unemployed for over 2 years. Of course I would support a man if times were tough, he got laid off, disabled, etc, I am not as shallow as you want to paint me out to be, but when someone leaves a good job in an unstable economy and barely looks for other work, it definitely did not set well with me and no amount of love could have changed my uneasiness.
Well the lover sounds like a real jackass, I ask again why you continued to have sex with him on and off for 7 years?!
Surely you realized at some point what a loser he was. Not to mention the fact that he knew you were cheating on your boyfriend and he wasn’t bothered by that in the least.
What kind of a man is that??
You should’ve dumped your boyfriend after you fell for your lover, and then after realizing you have zero respect and patience for your lover’s behavior, you should have dumped him too.
But you didn’t, you kept them both, switching between them as you pleased.
Ugh, just no.
The lover claimed he felt bad about the initial affair but rationalized it that we were a special case because of how intensely we fell for one another. I sadly bought it because I wanted to find the one I was to marry. I wanted to believe he was the best boyfriend I ever had as he claimed to be and have my best interests at heart. I loved him so much, I was overly hopeful he’d get his act together so we could finally be together. I didn’t think he’d somewhat get his act together all to find someone equally immature and much younger. I was foolish in love. I had never felt so intensely for someone before and I got swept up in the compliments and passion. I hadn’t had that with anyone ever. I also never go back to men and the fact I kept going back, I took as a sign. I was terribly naive and foolish with this man okay? I admit it.
I do feel you are being overly harsh about this. What would you have said if we had managed to work it out? I have a male friend who has been on and off with a married woman for 10 years, who has an open relationship with her husband, and has dated others besides my friend and I haven’t judged.
So cheating on someone for SEVEN YEARS is ok, but when a random stranger online displays their shock at this, then that’s harsh?!
I weep for humanity these days.
You were harsh on your boyfriend. You should have had the decency to let him go since he was clearly too much of a wuss to dump your ass once he found out you were unfaithful.
You only cared about you clearly since it seems you tried to mould these two men and their lives according to your own desires.
Your lover found someone else, well no surprise. I’m not sure he really wanted to commit to a woman who had been cheating on her man for SEVEN YEARS (jesus that’s longer than most marriages these days) and who constantly nagged him about his lifestyle choices and wanted to change him.
I’m only surprised that you seem to think you don’t deserve harsh criticism for your behavior. Did you ever think how hurt, embarrassed and humiliated your boyfriend must have felt? You’re lucky your lover had the decency to leave you first, instead of cheating on you with a decade younger woman which is what you would have deserved.
I deserved that? Do you hear yourself? I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Your meanness to someone you don’t know just shows how you must be to actual people in person.
Me standing up for myself and not letting anyone mooch off of me is what any feminist should do. Too many men and women these days let people take advantage of them financially (I have a personal friend who works 2 jobs 60-80 hours week and her husband does not work because of his social anxiety and he spends on stuff he shouldn’t be because they have bills to pay and she is stressed to the max because of it). Do you not realize that money issues are the main reason people divorce? I don’t want a perfect individual, but I at least deserve someone who can stand on their own two feet financially. You clearly want to make me look bad to make yourself feel better. I hope one day you can be a more accepting and compassionate individual for all those around you.
Wow…Andrea, what a story…I have to disappoint you, I think A.key is right and I actually think she’s doing you a favor by giving you a perspective that probably none of your friends ever gave you before because they didn’t want you to feel bad.
Please don’t refer to what you did as feminism, it is not. Feminism would be you owing that you need no relationship either with someone you have no feelings for nor for someone who wants to take advantage of your money (or who has no ambition, something you don’t want in a man). Did you ever think that maybe your lover was all this years waiting for you to actually leave your boyfriend? Or did you think that the fact he started an affair with you when your boyfriend/his friend helped him when he most needed shows a lack of character?
I understand when you say that maybe you didn’t learn to do better but now you’re a grown up, you have the chance to change and to do so you have to start by accepting your mistakes.
I think it would be good for you to talk with someone, maybe a therapist, explore how you feel and how you make other people feel. You sound like a really sweet person so I hope I’m not too harsh on you, but you also sound a bit clueless about your actions. I know it’s not easy but break the cycle of unhealthy relationships. Be alone for some time. Maybe that will help you set your priorities. I wish you the best!
I hear myself just fine Andrea, I write the way I write because that is what you should hear. Because I don’t think you’re actually hearing yourself at all. Reread your own original post. How can you not see how bad it looks??
I feel just fine about myself, believe me, I don’t need to make you look bad because you’re successfully doing that on your own, with every post you write here.
Your actions make you look bad.
Life is about what you do not what you say, who cares in the end what I write here, I’m irrelevant. But the feelings of another human being are relevant and you totally crapped on your boyfriend there for 7 years. You did a horrible thing.
And stop talking about money, money isn’t the problem here, cheating is the problem!
It’s as if you’re trying to excuse your cheating by harking back to topics of money and self-support, which are totally unrelated here and irrelevant.
YOU cheated on YOUR BOYFRIEND for SEVEN YEARS. Then your lover left you for a younger woman, and now YOU feel humiliated??
Well guess what Andrea, after belittling and humiliating your boyfriend for SEVEN YEARS by sleeping with another man, you do in fact deserve to feel humiliated and betrayed yourself. Because how you feel now is how your boyfriend felt, and he’s probably laughing out loud somewhere (good for him).
So yes my dear, you did get what you deserved.
Now suck it up and move on, and try to do better next time.
@Minimi I do think I need some time to myself because I am emotionally drained by both men. I need some much needed me time with my friends and to regroup and hopefully find someone to marry after a spell single. I guess I thought of the lover as a young innocent boy since he was a virgin when it began and I didn’t want to see it as a lack of character on his part. Clearly, I should have been wary.
@A Key How many times do I have to say that my boyfriend knew about the affair and accepted it? He knew I loved another man and was okay with it. You are painting me harsher than I really am. He also slept with his ex girlfriend while we were together too. I’m even friends with her on social media. So he always felt he has made mistakes too. He could have left me but he chose not to. He is an adult and can do whatever he wants with his life. He told me many times I could leave, but he didn’t want to go anywhere. Maybe you think I should have been the bigger person to leave, but it was really hard to do so when everyone I knew was urging me to stay with him (friends and family included). I didn’t have one person telling me to leave him and yes, they all knew about the on and off affair too. When your entire social network/community urges you to do something, it is very hard to do the opposite. I have a hard time making decisions on my own (clearly) and always need support from others on my decisions so it was very hard to do something everyone was opposed to. I never felt I was as bad as you paint me because he has slept with others too. We clearly had major flaws in our relationship to do these things to one another. And out of the 7 years, I’d say it was maybe 3 that involved the lover for there were months and even a span of 1 1/2 years where I cut off speaking to him. I never had any of this happen (any cheating or affair) with any other man I have ever been with. Clearly, we were not good for one another.
I’m late to this party, but just came to say AMEN to everything the A.Key said. I’ve thought the same things Andrea as you have revealed pieces of your dating situation here on CB for the past few months and all I could think was how dysfunctional your relationships are.
It doesn’t matter if your boyfriend knew you were banging someone else. The point is that you and the men you are sleeping with have a very distorted view of relationships and until you take ownership of your own bad choices (rooted in wrong thinking), you won’t ever know what it’s like to be happy. It’s as simple as that. You need to get out of your current relationship and get into some intense therapy where you identify the ways in which your thinking has been skewed. Do it for your own benefit and for your future happiness.
I don’t say that to be mean, quite the opposite, I want you to do well and be happy. But you won’t be until you break ties with your past, examine where things have gone wrong, take ownership of your own poor choices and get the help needed to make better ones in the future. You owe it to yourself.
As for Claire, she was young and should have known better but given they didn’t stay together and it has been ages now, I think we all need to let it go. She has a stable life now and I am sure we all have some skeletons in our closet as well.
Yeah, they all seem pretty over it. Everyone in the comments is up in arms and wants retribution, but this happened more than a decade ago. I would seriously hope no one is tearing their hair out over this at this point. You can only sustain a sense of outrage and/or remorse for so long before it eats you alive.
I stated below I have had three friends who’ve been left by husbands (one whilst pregnant two with newborns) and since its all been 3-5 years since that occurred, none want retribution at this point in time. They have all moved on with their lives.
I wonder if she would be this flippant if she was on the receiving end?
Probably. There was an article recently on Helena Boham-Carter about her split, and she was kind of like “sh*t happens”, not all relationships are meant to last. I think Claire would be similar.
Of course HBC would feel that way, considering how she and Burton got together. Or her and Branaugh.
> Of course HBC would feel that way, considering how she and Burton got together. Or her and Branaugh.
Yes, that is why I felt it was a comparable example.
give it time …
The first big love affair in many people’s lives seems to be the one where you take complete leave of your senses and pursue that love with everything you have despite the presence of another partner. My first big love affair, at age 22, was with a charismatic musician who turned out to be a drug user and alcoholic, but by the time I found out I was in too deep and tried for the next 2 years to “rehabilitate” him. Once I got it through my head that it wasn’t going to work and I had to leave him, I was an emotional wreck and it took me several years to even contemplate dating again. After that I was a lot more careful about letting my feelings carry me away. So I kind of get what she’s saying, not that I’m condoning it but being young+hormones+first love can often end in disaster.
I am sorry to hear that. I totally get what you are saying but I don’t think clarie is necessarily as innocent as she lets on, i am pretty sure she had a live in boyfriend at the time when she hooked up with Billy Crudrup. And then she left Crudrup to be with her current husband. So this appears to be a pattern of behaviour with her. Not an isolated case that only happened once a long time ago.
That said I think she is a great actress and i am glad her career is going strong regardless of her messy love life.The woman is talented and less talented men have done worse and kept working.
You can totally lose the control of your emotions but it all comes down to – can you consciously through your actions hurt another person?
Most people face this test sooner or later.
I found I can probably hurt feeling of a man, I did it once (and I will never do it again even the pain that reflected on me from that situation was almost more than I could bear) , but never a woman or a child.
I’ve heard that Leo was horrible to her on the set of Romeo and Juliet, interesting to learn she turned down Titanic.
As for the stuff with Billy… ugh. To both of them.
Leo is usually nice to costars, though.
If he was bad towards her ( and I did here the same thing) I tend to think it was something about her and I wonder what it was.
At 24 I most definitely knew better than to mess with a married or taken man. Who wants someone who lies to his significant other? Who wants a man who walks out on a pregnant woman? To cheat, you have to behave will all kinds of slime. A real man cleans up his house first before moving on. And whether it is fair or not, when I see Dane’s face, that’s what I remember. Billy Crudup.
My boyfriend left me for a girl he met at school. Neither of us knew about the other girl and things got fairly serious quickly with her and I guess that at some point it went from him cheating on me with her to him cheating on her with me until I realized what was going on and confronted him. It totally devasted me and I spent a year feeling completely f&@ked up because of this (the only positive thing I got was that it was the easiest diet I ever went on, lost about 20lbs from doing nothing and never gained them back). It’s still hard some days. Of course I loathed my ex and that girl, but at some point, I had to admit that they love each other, that he totally adores her and that he did not left me to hurt me but because he fell in love and had to see where that would lead him. And really, why should have he stayed if his feelings for me were not as strong? I know he felt terrible for the pain he was causing me, and once I was able to not want to beat the crap out of him, our conversations actually helped me get better.
All this to say, falling in love is a selfish thing, you don’t choose who you fall for or when you fall out of love with someone. And when you’re really in love, you do think that it could last forever, regardless of how things started. Yes, CD’s affair with BC seemed awful, but I still can’t judge them. It wouldn’t have been better for him to stay with his gf because she was pregnant if he fell for someone else and it seems like she and him did share some strong feelings since they stayed together for a few years. It was not some quick fling between co-workers. I’m sure they both felt awful for what they did to MLP, but I don’t see why she would have to explain all this on a radio show years laters, that’s something between her, BC and MLP. If asked, I can understand that she shares her side of the story and why she got involved with this guy despite the fact that it seemed like a shitty thing to do, but I don’t get why people would want her to say she regrets the relationship or expect that she would.
You certainly are an evolved soul. Any man who you end up with will be lucky to have you. Your maturity and wisdom are very admirable.
Good lord. The man’s girlfriend was 7 months pregnant. How could you NOT know what the consequences of your actions would be? I’m actually pretty sure that even my teen daughter would be fully aware what the consequences would be. But hey Clare, you needed to explore right?
Maybe someone already said this above. I could probably have accepted the “I didn’t know how not to fall In love with him” statements if she also said that she realizes now the consequences of her actions. Being a mother herself now, I would expect to hear her acknowledge the devastation they likely caused for MLP, even if Claire didn’t explicitly use her name. But the flippant nature of her remarks really bothers me. She’s basically just saying, “Oh well, I couldn’t help it – I was young. I’ve moved on.” Wow.
Remember what she said about Filipinos: “More recently, she was quoted in Premiere magazine as saying Manila “smelled of cockroaches, with rats all over, and that there is no sewerage system, and the people do not have anything – no arms, no legs, no eyes.”
I have had three friends get left by their husbands, one while 5 months pregnant, two while their babies were only a few months old. What was done was atrocious (one later married his mistress and had a kid with her when he told my friend he wasn’t ready for kids after all; why he was leaving her even though they had two small children), but ultimately, all three are happier without those men and the kids are better off too. Two were not ready for fatherhood period and wanted to be a college kid, drinking, partying etc. They couldn’t handle the responsibility. I would argue my friends were overly hopeful these man-children would change. Two of the three ex-husbands barely see the children. If you ask any of them right now, they are relieved they are away from those men. Sadly though, none have found new long term boyfriends/so’s yet.
Hmmm. Interesting. Here’s Mary Louise in an interview, and Billy Crudup happened to be there for a CPR class for their five-year-old son and and her other child.
Here’s a part of the interview.
“Back in L.A., where she’ll soon be shooting the fifth season of her Showtime series, Weeds, she has rented a house with a pool for her children, and she wants to be prepared in case of an emergency.
Several friends and nannies are taking this class as well, and as I arrive, the group is practicing pumping on child-size plastic torsos.
When the exercise ends, a familiar-looking, rakishly handsome man in blue jeans and a gray shirt sits up: actor Billy Crudup. Given the excruciating circumstances of their breakup—he left her in 2003, while she was pregnant with Will, and not long after linked up with actress Claire Danes—it’s startling to see him here.
Yet the atmosphere is amicable as the exes go through their paces, studiously somber in contemplating the life-and-death repercussions of CPR and then collapsing into nervous laughter. Crudup lingers afterward while Parker calls a pediatrician for a progress report on Will’s strep throat.
Once he leaves, I remark to Parker about the relaxed scene, and her reaction is immediate and fierce: “I’ve never commented on the situation, and I won’t because it’s not fair to my son,” she says. But when I note that friends of mine who are bitterly divorcing can’t even be in the same room together, she softens and says, “Who wins? No child can benefit in that situation. Your love for your child should eclipse any other feelings you have for another person.”
Class act. I loved her acceptance speech at the Emmy’s right after her son was born too. She’s such a beauty.
That interview was probably in 2009. They must really be on good terms for years because here’s a photo in 2010 of Billy Crudup in New York walking Mary Louise’s young daughter, Caroline Aberash, she adopted from Ethiopia a few years after having Billy’s son.
She was in love,she was young,she was selfish and it is all
She was 24 years old. Even a 12 year old knows it’s not okay to cheat. So she claims she was in love. So was MLP, in fact she was pregnant. So no, Danes; you do not get a pass. Go hang out with Brandie and LeAnnE.
I think that they have moved on which is a good thing, but i don’t like how she’s using the ” i was young in love and naive” excuse. She was 24 not 17 or 18. She wasnt some lovestruck teenager she was a GROWN WOMAN. At that age you should hopefully know right from wrong. Not to defend Tyga but he is around (24 or 25) and people are were mad at him for his ” relationship”. Everyone said ” he’s a grown man, he should know better” which i agree with but we can’t dismiss Claire as some woman who was madly in love and give her a sort of “pass” for her age and then blast Tyga. I don’t completely blame her beacuse she wasnt the one in the relationship but still im assuming she knew he was with someone who was carrying his child.
No one can undo his past, but I would respect her more if she just said, “Yeah, I made a really selfish decision,” and didn’t try to pull the “young” and “naive” excuse.
I am the age she was when that happened, I think its a cop out to say she was too young to know better. It was a choice and she was an adult at the time.
She’s amazingly good in Homeland though.
Well, how nice that Claire & BC are friendly and OK with what they did! Claire’s 24 year old hormonal urges had to be satisfied & better yet with the baby-daddy of her friend MLP. I wonder if MLP, who’s still presumably stuck in some level of contact with her co-parent, thinks it’s all cool now. Claire just had to get what she wanted & t.s. for MLP & the soon-due baby. Oh, maybe Claire sent a nice baby present?
Holy Crudup did this thread explode (sorry couldn’t resist! sorry if someone already made that joke!)
Personally I think that Mary Louise is better off without that crazy-eyed cheater. He proved his worth when he left her while she was pregnant. Kind of the way Tom Brady did Bridget Moynahan. That kind of man is not worth “having”.
Brady learnt that Moynahan was pregnant after their breakup
This is true. Brady did not knowingly dump a barely-pregnant BM & stepped up right away when he found out about the pregnancy. Having already figured out that they weren’t compatible & having split, he was right to stay gone while paying generous support & spending time with his son.
It is amazing to me that this is still such gossip, but Claire opened the can of worms for whatever reason (I know it’s hard to dodge Howard but I have seen people do it – namely John Cusack and Bill Murray). I actually saw the play on Broadway where Mary Louise and Billy C. met, Bus Stop. I was a young thesp at the time and thought they were adorable together, you could totally tell they had amazing chemistry in the play. So maybe I remember that era more vividly than some. All pre internet gossip sites – had it happened a few years later I do think it might have permanently wrecked both their careers.
As for Claire, I do think it was insensitive of her to point out that she and Billy are cool, because no one really cares about that and it just reminds people of who the real wronged party was, MLP, who (publically anyway, I like to picture her throwing a pot plant at the both of them at some point!)) handled it with such grace. Claire is either dense or insensitive not to realize how bad she sounds, or she really was caught off guard. I think the Titanic question might have dug up some issues/rattled her too because she was widely rumoured to have have been deflowered and discarded by Leo during R & J. If she was smart she would have dished some gossip on that to deflect from her own misdemeanors, but I don’t think she has any game when it comes to this stuff.
yeah this was an overlong response to a simple question sorry but this thread is such a hot mess I don’t know where to jump in!
Kinda distasteful to discuss this but then again, it’s Howard. Billy Crudup is a babe, wow. In my opinion, Mary Louise Parker is more talented than Claire but MSCL and Homeland tho… She can be lovely and she has great style but she’s had many a grl plz moment in interviews and this is no exception. Not buying the whole it’s not cheating if you’re 24 thing… On a side note didn’t she date Beck for a long time? Also the phrase “panty meltingly attracted” is basically perfect.
Ugh, I was just beginning to forget that incident. I can’t believe its been 12yrs. Honestly, Billy took major brunt of this as he should and MLP was awesome… and I remember her appearance at the award show that year. I will always be a Claire fan but I think I mentally tuned this out to not believe she was capable of this because i thought she was smarter. But I digress. She received little blow back compared to actresses now, i.e. Kristen Stewart. But Claire then stayed out of the press, got married and focused on her career. Today is the only time i agreed with Lainey. Her response 12yrs later was too glib, seeing love through to the end-ignoring all the actions that caused the firestorm. When I hear Kristsen now, I hope 12yrs from now she doesn’t still sound like a petulant child with regard to the media focus when it stemmed from her actions or heartbroken over Rob. 12yrs later, I’d hope to hear Claire own up in a adult response of her actions that were totally selfish and self absorbed and hurt people – and I’ve learned from it. Her ownership is only for her part… not Billy’s. He owns the bulk.
Generally I don’t think someone who doesn’t want to “be stolen” can be stolen, but there are some men and women who aggressively go after people who are in relationships without a single second thought. I think life just happens sometimes and it’s no one’s fault. They were costarring in something at the time, weren’t they?
Claire and Leo had some sort of crush on each other during Romeo and Juliet, apparently (source: Baz Luhrmann). I agree with Claire; Titanic would have been a boring role for her, and though it was a massive commercial success, the script was awful and the characters cardboard cut-outs.
In my opinion, the other man or woman in any affair situation should keep their mouths shut. No good can come out of it. Life happens, but out of respect you should try not to cause anymore pain.
The fact is that Danes is a cheater all around. She cheated on Ben Lee with Crudup. She then cheated on Crudup with her now husband. Her age doesn’t really matter or excuse her behavior.
Eh, at 24 I think I knew better. She treats this all very nonchalantly, it’s frustrating to read. Who cares that SHE went through it? I think the pregnant GF and the kid were more affected. I’ve never liked her because of this episode.
I’m crazily late to this party but I agree. I was a moron at 24 and will still make bad mistakes at 45. I probably would have accepted advances at that age but never would have acted. Like finding a brick in your fridge, it doesn’t compute as food. Taken men don’t compute to me. (Disclaimer. I just realized that I have watched Daniel Deronda a few times. It was great. You should partake.)
No excuses, Claire. Once a home wrecker always a home wrecker. I remember it hitting the news and I felt so bad for MLP. Since then I refuse to watch anything with CD in it. She’s a smug narcissist who knew better and went ahead anyway. Looking at her face makes me cringe. I wonder how she managed a career after the scandal- aren’t most women raked through the coals? She got away with marriage-murder and I want to know how she did it. I detect nothing but a superiority complex at work here. Cate, Tilda, and Nicole can come off as ice queens but this one seems tons more dangerous. Some mentioned sociopathic tendencies. I wonder if it’s true…