This is Star Magazine’s cover this week: “Personal Assistants Tell All: Outrageous Celebrity Demands!” I actually love these kinds of covers, because it’s always a hodge-podge of stuff that I am willing to believe and stuff that I actually find offensive. My coverage is by no means comprehensive, I’m just going to do highlights from some of my favorite bits. Here we go!
Kim Kardashian. Not only does Kim get secret lipo, but she secretly squirrels away her lipo’d fat deposits. It’s called “lipobanking” and Kim has a lot of lipobanked fat saved for a rainy day, to be injected into her butt or her face. Kim even had her own private lipobank facility built!
Taylor Swift. Tay-Tay will only be around pretty people. Taylor’s ego “is so huge that really believes she’s above average-looking people. She surrounds herself with models and always makes sure that they’re in the background, like beautiful wallpaper or something.” She makes one exception, for Lena Dunham, because Lena is “so successful in her own right.”
Jennifer Aniston. She hates to sweat and absolutely refuses to ever be sweaty, so she makes her assistants carry fans at all times and often hold fans in front of her. She also has assistants press ice cubes against her forehead all the time.
Jamie Dornan. His hobby? Needlepoint. He loves to whip out his tapestry and “get to work” on planes or when he’s at home.
Brad Pitt. He draws little poop doodles on everything.
Angelina Jolie. She forces her assistants to see all of her films, especially the ones that bombed, and give her positive feedback.
Justin Bieber. He’s been known to sleep with his personal staff, even with his maids.
Matthew McConaughey. He sends his assistants out to find the best restaurants in whatever city he’s in because he gets “turned on” by food. Sometimes he’ll just sit in a restaurant, staring at plates of food and talking dirty to the food.
Julia Roberts. She holds on to her old costumes and she especially loves the Pretty Woman hooker ensemble, which she’ll “put on for Danny” once a year or so. She even let her niece Emma Roberts borrow the costume “then snickered about how Emma just didn’t have the body to fill it out.”
Lady Gaga. Gaga expects her assistants to be on call 24-7, and she expects them to do everything for her. She called up one assistant in the middle of the night to change DVDs, because Gaga was too lazy to walk across the room and change it herself.
Mila Kunis. She’s paranoid that Ashton Kutcher is going to bang the nanny, so she sets up complicated rules about who can be “alone” with Ashton.
Jessica Simpson. She rarely pays her bar tabs. Apparently, she’s constantly walking out on bar and restaurant bills because she feels like she should always be comped.
Selena Gomez. She’s a really, really messy slob. She can turn a hotel room into a disaster area in less than 24 hours.
Christina Aguilera. She likes to pull out her extensions and leave them all over the place, in bathrooms, restaurants, cars, wherever. Her assistants are expected to “collect them” in case she wants to use them again. Gross.
Jennifer Lawrence. She loves to serve cocktails and she’s always mixing up her own drinks. Her dream is to open up a bar in LA.
Christian Bale. He has the tendency to lecture his young, female assistants until they’re crying. He also ordered one of his assistants to kill a fan with a screwdriver?
Elton John. He’s really lazy, and he loves to be pushed around in a wheelchair.
Scarlett Johansson. She’s lovely to nearly everyone… except her mom. ScarJo and her mom get into huge fights on a regular basis. She also hooked up with a crew guy whose mic happened to be hot, so everyone on the crew heard them.
[From Star Magazine, print edition]
I think I’ve found the title to my memoir: Like Beautiful Wallpaper. Or maybe that should be Karlie Kloss’s memoir! Some of my favorites? Jamie Dornan needlepointing, Kim Kardashian’s lipobanking, and ScarJo fighting with her mom. It’s good that Scarlett has at least one person in her life who can turn her into a rage-monster. And she’s “just like us” – every woman fights with their mother.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
LOL-I just had my copy delivered a few minutes ago and tucked into it during my morning coffee. I was spot on with Tay-Tay’s need to have her “Girl Squad” be nothing but beautiful people. I winder if she does this to force people into being jealous of her?
I totally believe that Tay Tay one – you just need to look at her ‘Girl Squad’ and yes she’s that vain. Not sure about the others.
And Tay Tay is average looking in a sweet/cute kind of way.
@Betti
Yes! I was gonna say, Taylor has a pretty average face in comparison to the whole ‘squad’ (it’s pretty, don’t get me wrong!) It’s weird. The girls she surrounds herself with (minus Lena Dunham) are prettier than her. I wonder if she sees herself in their league, physically, even though she isn’t.
Tay-Tay looks like a Who from Whoville, IMO.
Average, and Whoish.
She’s not even pretty! Why does she want to be surrounded by beautiful women?! It just makes her blah face even more obvious.
I disagree- I think Taylor is just as pretty as all the VS models.
She sounds like a Mean Girl from High School.
EXACTLY! I wonder if she had issues with friends or peers before she became this huge star and she is going out of her to compensate for a lack of something… anything from that past. It’s her way of say, “Eat this everyone! Look at all the totally AWESOME people I have near me now! I hope you’re all jealous of me because you should be!”
I laughed so hard at the Taylor Swift bit saying Lena Dunham is the exception to the rule. Did they realize how much of a veiled insult that is? “Lena, you’re not beautiful or model-esque so technically you shouldn’t even BE the wallpaper but Taylor thinks you’re talented so she made an exception for you.”
ROFL.
+1000000
I think it’s supposed to make her hot by proxy.
haha well she needs atleast one DUFF to make herself look good in comparison
That veil is so thin, I’m not sure it’s there.
It seems like she’s really insecure about the fact that she’s an average-looking person, so she feels like she has to elevate herself above the people she deems attractive. I’ll believe anything in this article just because the Taylor part seems so spot-on.
You believe Matthew McConaughey talks dirty to his food?
@KB – I think that’s my favorite part. I picture him sitting alone, the lighting and music like his car commercials, just muttering to the plate. So funny.
I’m oddly fascinated by her song wildest dreams – it’s like an ode to vainity. We’ll have an affair, as long as you remember how beautiful I am for the rest of your life.
I kind of feel that way too. I guess that’s the root of why I won’t friend exes on social media. It’s not because we don’t get along, it’s just because I want to remember them as young and beautiful and I want them to do the same for me! All the magic of your fleeting younger years… I get it.
Tay-Tay is always looking to be part of the “popular” group and she has some serious control issues. Why else would a girl who is over 20 date a 17 year old guy? She can tell they guy what to do and how to behave. The difference in maturity is huge at that age between females and males. Then there was that strange Kennedy thing where she dated a younger Kennedy guy and very quickly spent millions on a house down the street from the Kennedy compound. And she then became upset when she realized that she couldn’t control access to parts of the beach near her new house. Add in the need to be surrounded by pretty people and she’s just a walking case study for a freshman psych class.
She’s the centerfold for Abnormal Psychology
It’s possible that it’s true – but at the same time I’m not going to take this hilarious list as proof of anything.
um, I think Tay Tay is average looking.
I honestly think she’s ugly…I hate saying that, it’s terrible. Oh well.
yup facially she is very average to me, but that the fact the fact that she has a model height/ figure instantly make her more attractive in the eyes of fans and the media. If she was an average height and an average weight she would not be famous
Thank you. There’s a whole lot of smoke and mirrors going on there. I do not find her attractive.
Have you seen the Taylor Swift/Napoleon Dynamite thing? The resemblance is uncanny. 🙂
https://twitter.com/emmarosewalk/status/541860461482766337
This going to sound horrible but… you know how people start to look like their pets – or, on a better note, partners?
Taylor probably just figures it’s some kind of insurance.
Though if it works, one wonders what she’d look like otherwise. (I wonder what she *thinks* she’d look like otherwise.)
Some of these seem made up but some look spot on: I believe that Selena Gomez and Julia Roberts one, tbh.
Some of that other stuff…well, who would have thought JLaw’s one wouldn’t be gross?
Oh my lord. People still read this magazine? And worse, actually believe that crap? Uh…ok.
I’m not a Taylor fan, but I think she is beautiful.
Omg my favourite are the Elton John and Matthew McConaughey stories. Those were hilarious
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3372815/Injured-Sir-Elton-John-rides-wheelchair-birthday-boy-Zachary-lap-family-day-Disneyland.html
Matthew talks dirty to his food. Lmao.
Right?? I had to stop myself from picturing him dirty talking to the food because im in a public place and wouldn’t stop laughing ha! Totally believe Kim, TayTay, and Angelina because why not. And Gaga of course. Hahaahah
I totally LOL’ed on that one!
I can see it now. Matthew seats himself in his favorite restaurant.
“Waiter? I’ll have my usual.”
“Yes, sir. That’s the dirty Martini. With a large side of dirty rice.”
“That’s right.”
The scene fades out as Mathew’s eyes begin to glint…
I’ve never been a huge fan of his (and the restaurant scene in Wolf of Wall Street made me actively hate him for awhile) but I think he redeemed himself with this anecdote. I want to watch him talk dirty to that entree!
Seen him do this in Austin. It is hilarious and meant to be funny.
That is STILL cracking me up.
@MoochieMom Hold up, you’ve seen him do it? What did he say?
I wonder if he ever orders fried chicken taking him back to that crazy scene with Gina Gershon in Killer Joe.
Given that Matthew starved himself for an Oscar, it’s not surprising.
Doesn’t everyone talk dirty to amazing food? Food porn Much? Yes. That one was offensive to me, like tattling on someone for enjoying a big breath of cool mountain air. Sheesh.
That Matthew one was the weirdest! This is the craziest, and funniest, list I have read this year. I would love to be a writer for this mag and just make up funny sh*t.
Bahahaha!!!!! Those were the best!
For whatever reason, the Matthew McConaughey thing doesn’t surprise me at all.
Jamie Dornan is adorable.
Me either. He always looks high…
That was the only one where a image flashed into my head of him being at a table in a restaurant somewhere whispering dirty things to his food.
Agree, I can totally picture Jamie Dornan doing needlepoint.
Jamie Dornan is questionable IMO. He broke up with Kiera Knightley because he couldn’t stand that she made more $$ than him, and ADMITTED this in an interview. I used to be a huge fan of his, esp. The Fall, and then I read that story and I was done.
So he’s insecure and aware and honest, what’s your problem?
He never said any of that. He said he was to blame for their breakup because he was insecure about how famous she was. It had nothing to do with money.
he never mentioned money, he said her success/huge career is what was an issue. Honestly, I don’t see what the issue is. Kiera’s success probably took her away from him a lot. It’s natural that that would cause issues and as an actor I can personally say that it can be very hard to watch others become more successful than you. You are happy for them and wish them all the success in the world, but it is still hard.
That was also 10 years ago. I’m willing to believe there’s been at least a little personal growth since then.
Your final comment was my first thought, as I read this: Jamie Dornan is adorable.
McConaughey for the win. Christian Bale close second.
+1. Foodporn & angry screwdrivers!
Christian Bale=A more controlled Patrick Bateman?
Like beatiful wallpapee…doesnt having actual hot ppl around her make her feel bad about herself? Cause u know shes kind of plain. She tries so hard wears these overly sexualized outfits n still just looks “cute”
That’s what I was thinking! When she stands next to her model friends, it’s obvious she’s the odd man out. She needs to surround herself with the Lena’s of the world.
Really? I find her quite classically beautiful.
Eh. Horses for courses, I suppose.
“Overly sexualized outifits”??? Taylor Swift? You’re kidding. right?
She has a very flat body so it does not look sexual on her.. but her concert outfits are very sexy.
Seriously? For her recent 1989 tour she was mostly wearing shorts that let half her (tiny) ass hang out, and a bra. That and a leather cat suit with cut outs.
Her outfits were skimpier than Beyonce’s, Rihanna’s, Katy Perry’s etc. She still has zero sex appeal, but regardless the fact remains that she’s certainly trying her darndest to sexualise herself.
@kate: You’re right. Taylor Swift’s concert outfits aren’t any less revealing than the ones worn by Beyoncé, Ariana, Rihanna, or Katy Perry, but her not being considered shapely, the age when she started the sexier dressing, her lack of history on a children’s network, and lack of lyrics and dance moves that are seen as sexual save her from some of the pearl-clutching that other female artists get for not being “modest”. It’s similar with Pink, who REALLY escapes a lot of the pearl-clutching other female artists get for revealing clothes/sexual lyrics/ portraying themselves in a sexual way, but what saves her is her talent, how she got her start, tough girl persona, and lack of a curvy figure. Plus there’s the Bill O’reilly crowd that judges Beyoncé differently from Taylor Swift for the most obvious reason.
That’s what I was wondering about. She’s thin and has long legs, but I don’t get how her face would be considered better looking than most other people’s (I don’t think she’s ugly in the face or anything though). Wouldn’t being around Karlie Kloss make you feel somewhat less than how good-looking you might really be? I don’t get it…
that’s exactly what I said above. I think she’s average in the face for sure.
yup, her face is average but her long legs and waif like model body is why she is considered attractive. If she had been shorter with an average body she would not be nearly as successful
I think she’s very pretty. It’s weird to me that others don’t agree. Pretty eyes, nice size features, built like a model. I think she’s gorgeous, tbh.
Yes! She is the first popstar ever that’s given me an asexual vibe. When she puts on ‘sexy outfits’ it looks like she’s a little girl playing dress up. Not sexy at all.
I have a GF who is very into asexual females and TayTay is on her ping list. Not got the gay thing but but for (her quote) “bi boys would like her too.”
Totally agree. Which is why the whole John Mayer thing still confuses me. It was her only non-beard relationship and he’s known for having an insane/disgusting sexual appetite.
maybe she’s hoping for the cheerleader effect
I’m pretty sure the poor plain thing has normal average friends, but her PR people have created this lame model squad thing that Lena Dunham can be photographed with. I actually feel sorry for TS as its obvious her team for created the MS stunt (that I need soul and eye bleach to unmeditate on)
NO. No, no, no, no, NO NO NO. I need to go Groundhog Day or fly backwards around the world or get into a Ewing shower or SOMETHING.
It is the only way to get the concept of lipobanking out of my head for good. Lipobanking. What the freakin’ what?
I’m serious, that made me gag.
Gross. As. F*ck. All breakfast options ruined. I’m suing Kim for this.
You cant expect Kim to put someone else’s fat into her ass cheeks and lips. Who do you think she is, a real housewife?! 🙂
Like Teresa Guidice, who thought living in a house someone else had lived in before was “disgusting” (rationale for building their gross monstrosity of a McMansion)
Ugh me too. Liposuction on its own really grosses me out, but hoarding the stuff is beyond disgusting.
Wasn’t the thing about hooking up with a cre member with a hot mic (Scarlett) a blind item? Why would a crew member have a mic unless it was a director?
Sound guy setting up a mic?
the one’s on set who have hot mics would be the actors, correct? A crew member might just have a walkie-talkie.
Maybe it was an error and “she” instead of “he” had the hot mic. Also I’ve heard stories about her and don’t believe the “lovely to everyone” part of this story.
I believe she can be polite to the people who work for her. By all accounts, she’s very professional, and that means being polite to the people who work for/around you. All the stories I’ve heard about her being rude/mean are off the clock stories, not tales from set.
A French journalist was horrified by her rudeness during an interview.
Sounds like a theater thing. The stage crew wear mics to communicate during production. They’re very sensitive, so they can pick up minimal whispers. ScarJo has done Broadway before.
And didn’t Ryan and she divorce right after she won her Tony? Interesting.
The Mcconaughy story is the most Mcconaughy thing I’ve read.
Best comment ever! I almost spit out my coffee on this one. AWESOME!
Hey Egg Benedict, should i get my shirt off?
Look at you, you big juicy steak. Daddy knows what you want. You want to be in my mouth don’t you..??! Alright, alright, I’m going to cut you slowly……..
This sounds totally plausible.
Aussie Girl, is it bad that the idea of him talking dirty to his food turns me on a little bit? Oops.
Matt, I’ll get THAT stoned with you any day.
Hell no shambles. I would get stoned with him, dance to he’s bongo playing and then bring on the dirty food talk.
Sounds like a good Saturday night to me.
Stativa (I only smoke the energizing strains), shirtless bongos, and sexy steak talk.
Aussiegirl, lol. Precisely.
LOL! I’m pretty sure the food always answers “yes, take your shirt off”.
I wonder what meal told him to play the bongos that time.
@ lucy2 – a McDonalds happy meal, presumably.
That one and the Julia Roberts one were funny.
Jennifer Aniston and Lady Gaga wins hands down – talking about treating your staff badly. One wants them to be on call 24/7 while the other wants them to hold fans and press ice cubes. If this is true of course.
Justin not surprised about, don’t believe the Angelina part, Matthew I can believe, Brad is funny, Christian I don’t want to believe and Christina is just ew with the hair extensions.
Aniston is too young for menopause, isn’t she? I’m just saying… I have moments when I would almost sell my soul to have somebody follow me around with a bucket of ice just in case a hot flash hits and I start to melt again
I presume Aniston is having hot flashes, and is perimenopausal. However this is a tabloid so….
That aside….
She’s late forties and has never had children (women who’ve never had children often have earlier menopause) – seems right on time.
Peri-menopausal symptoms can start as early as late thirties, she’s got a decade on that, so of course she’s in peri which could include hot flashes.
and yet we’ve seen aniston sweating her t*ts off in Mexico how many times?
not many of these are believable. KK, Swift and Bieber are the only ones I’d believe.
yeah, if true there was probably a context. Wasn’t she recently filming in Atlanta in gazillion degree heat? Something like that, maybe, needing to stay presentable for filming.
What you said, doofus. Not many are believable.
Yeah, I only believe the few doofus mentioned too.
The Aniston one struck me as false, given how into fitness and vacationing in Mexico she is.
I can’t even picture Christian dealing with assistants. I’ve always had the impression that his wife managed everything, and everything would run through her.
I’m taking all of them with a grain of salt – I’d say that every single one is exaggerated in at least SOME way.
There however are pics from sets, I remember the Bounty Hunter where aniston has someone holding up fans to her!
http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/lc/jennifer_aniston_2_210809/jennifer_aniston_2545989.jpg
It’s ALL complete bullsh*t and I’m just here to LOL at people who believe it. Gotta love celeb gossip!
yes, SAR, and as Kitten noted below, that’s from a set. either the director didn’t want a sweaty actress in that scene or they needed “wind” to blow her hair. (I’m betting it’s the former.)
I wonder if Aniston’s ice cubes are made from SmartWater?
I remember reading gaga makes her assistant sleep in her bed with her at night in case she needs anything.
Bale doesn’t even have assistants and makes a big point of letting people know he doesn’t. French is right that the lecturing little girls was from an anecdote when he was in his early 20s and rebelling against the whole “celebrity” thing. The “screwdriver” story is from a book by a highly disgruntled assistant and it was clearly a joke.
It may not be true, either, but my fave is McConaughey because you can just hear him in that voice he does talking to his food. lol
Yeah, I could work for Jamie Dornan if he’d let me pull out my knitting.
“Pull out my knitting” IS THAT WHAT THE YOUNG PERSONS ARE CALLING IT NOWADAYS
lol
This knitting thing says need to focus. ADHD maybe? Although I have friends who knit and it becomes a comfort thing.
hahaha “need to focus” so true for me.
Knitting is for me is what yoga is for some: calming and transcending.
That was awesome! I believe all of it, but I’m surprised you can bring needles on a plane??
You can! I’ve brought embroidery on the plane without any problems. The trickiest part is making sure you bring your small scissors. (And making sure you don’t bump your row mate when stitching…)
Try bringing baby nail clippers. Works great and I’ve never had a problem getting them on a plane.
How about knitting needles.
I would think crochet hooks are okay, but knitting needles?
I think certain kinds are, possible plastic or wood only? I can’t remember specifics, but most airlines will list it.
Thanks, will investigate.
Air Canada – plastic with rounded tips.
I bring my knitting everywhere. I use wood needles though only. Never has it been an issue getting though TSA.
Check with the airline(s) you’ll be on. I haven’t had any problems on domestic flights, but last time I went to Mexico, I could fly in with my double-pointed wood needles, but not out. I had to put my knitting in my checked baggage to fly back to the US.
I want Samuel L screaming”There are too many g8ddamn knitting needles on this mother$ucking plane”!
I knit and you can bring needles on the plane. Mine happen to be wooden. I was surprised, too, but I saw another woman knitting and asked her. If you think about it, it would be pretty hard to hijack a plane with knitting needles, but still I was surprised.
I love Elton John’s one! I wish I could get someone to push me around in a wheel chair too lol.
I found Gaga’s really sick. And mean.
Mcciunaghey is hilarious. I want to see him talk dirty to food 😀
i thought taylor swift doesn’t thinks he looks nice and that’s why she wears red lipstick nearly all the time. did she say, ‘i just think i look worse without it’? how will she promote her next album since the girl squad thing was criticized by everyone and called out for what it was, and badmouthing her exes as also called out for what it was. taylor will have to just let her music speak for itself? she’s no adele, what will she do?
What is Taylor without bad mouthing exe’s (friends and BF), thats all she has to sell musically and otherwise. Her high school mean girl schtick is old and people are over it – she’ll disappear soon enough when someone younger, cuter with more talent comes along.
Years ago I was an Special Assistant to a political leader. Let’s just say you really get to know a person when you are responsible for scheduling their time and taking care of the mundane areas of their lives. The egos are incredible and this was only a elected official – but hey I can relate to Pitt, I’ve doddle my fair share of poopies. I’d have to say the majority of the behaviour listed seem like BS, I just can’t visualize Matthew McConaughey talking dirty to food..maybe to me but definitely not food.
As the former asst to a CEO I say +10000000. I had to call him to wake him up every morning with a pleasant greeting and run down of schedule.
We should start an Assistants Anonymous support group.
None of these were especially shocking – the Kardashian one gave me the icks, but hardly surprising. In all my years as an assistant, I’ve only ever had one boss that approached Devil Wears Prada levels, and we parted company after only a few months – which was long enough to almost give me a nervous breakdown. Worst six months of my life, and I could tell from day one it would be a disaster. I’ve been lucky – egos, crazy expectations, and a sense of entitlement are almost a prerequisite for executives or prominent people who’ve reached a certain status, no matter what field they’re in.
The Lady Gaga one sounds like my mom
lol and it sounds exactly like my dad
Okay, I’m no Julia Roberts fan, but that one had me laughing. I highly doubt she tries that hooker costume on once a year.
I am not believing it simple because she doesn’t have her pretty woman figure anymore. It would never fit. I see her laughing at Emma though, because don’t we all?
Size-wise, she doesn’t look like she’s changed much, if at all. Although I think a body double wore that outfit too….
Hmm, you might be right about the body double, at least for the movie poster.
I didn’t mean that Julia had let herself go, she looks great, but she was very young when pretty woman was made. Only a few (and lucky) people can wear the same clothes after, what is it, thirty years?
“Lipobanking” that sounds so gross. But I believe Kim would do something like that
i believe most of them. Brad Pitt painting poop doodles, thats his calling!
Taylor Swift sounds true too. Lena is the female exception and that red haired guy the male exception, otherwise only pretty peoople need apply.
The Brad Pitt poop doodles tit bit is the most believable gossip item I have ever read. By far.
By poop doodles I assume they meant little circles or little cloud shapes. Very common. Can imagine he tunes out of the boring stuff easily.
On the topic of poop doodles–did you know that if you have Siri read your texts, she’ll read the emojis in her awesome monotone too? Something like: “get off my lawn, smiling pile of poop.”
Crazy but some are funny I am a PA but obviously not for anyone like that but I’d need 6 figures for some of that nonsense. I would probably end up telling them go f..k yourself. I suppose you know what you are getting yourself in for.
Amen to another PA. We get asked to do crazy things but not batshiz crazy. I was one for a CEO and they told me before I accepted the job that I was going to be asked to do a lot of odd things (nothing sexual) but I did book some reservations with a lot of detail.
This is just an opposite of the other gist because you can’t really know what they usually demands
I doubt most of these are true, but the the McConaughey one I think I buy. Just seems like the kind of kooky thing he’d do. You can picture it, right? Jolie making her staff watch her “flop films” made me lol (though I doubt it’s true).
I dirty talk my food too! I’m also quite keen to apply to be Christian bale’s assistant
All of these sounds completely made up. They are not even trying to make them sound plausible.
I agree. Stupid.
I dunno…I thought a few of them sounded believable, especially the Bieber one.
Yes. Funny though. I love the idea of McCoughnevercanspell his last name talking dirty to his food.
The Kim K one is TOTALLY believable.
Kim getting lipo is no “secret”!
Someone got an A+ in Creative Writing:101
Seriously. Anybody who knows even a few details about a celeb could EASILY make all of this sh*t up.
It’s all bullsh*t. Most of those people make everyone who works for them sign non-disclosure agreements.
I don’t believe it either. It seems too much of what the magazine would want them to say to play into the stereotypes readers have about these people.
I think there was an article about how tabloid magazines make sources and quotes up pretty routinely.
This was amazing!! The biggest thing that I got out of it is that staffers are afraid of Jennifer Lawrence.
Right? I was wondering if her Publicist wrote this article.
And that my impression of her is true: the girl REALLY likes to drink!
@Kaiser …
🙂
These are clearly BS but with some of the celebs there is an element of truth. There have been stories about Aniston for years, the same for Kardashian (when she was Paris Hilton’s PA there were stories about how Paris treated her and other assistants). McConaughy has always had a rep for being a bit ‘out there’ with his personal behaviour and grooming habits.
I’m loving the not so subtle shade thrown at Lena Dunham here. So funny.
But as a big Christian Bale fan I don’t quite get how this article implies he wanted a fan killed and then it’s not explained in the least. That’s a pretty heavy accusation to launch at him, can we at least have a single detail or something? I doubt anything like that ever happened. Too bizarre.
I can’t stand Lena Dunham, but I thought that comment was really mean and unnecessary.
It is in the book written by his ex-publiciste/assistant/former fan released around 2013. In the book,it is clearly a joke ( happened in the middle of 90’s) and Bale doing crying young fans was before his marriage
I read the book .It is easy to read but mean-spirit and exaggerated ( the book is more on Bale’s father also )
since the Aniston item was about an air fan, I just assumed that that’s the type they referred to in the Bale one…
Now I’m confused :/
Me too! 🙂
I am a Bale fan too. That one is a joke. I think I heard it somewhere before )).
Fans can be overbearing, I have no doubt on bad days most celebrities imagine in their head how can they get rid of them in most painful ways possible.
I love the pictures they use for these kinds of stories. They make them all look deranged lol
+1
it sounds like fanfiction tbh.
100 percent, or ragmag fiction.
Yes but it’s still fun to read! Julia Roberts trash talking her young niece’s bod, like she would do that in front of the help, is still kinda believably something she would do!
I’m not so sure I wouldn’t hire somebody to hold fans on me all the time if I could afford it!
Yeah, I can’t fault Gaga for making someone else change the dvd either, that is such a huge pain! 😉
For realz. I HATE sweating.
My fav assistant story is from John Cusack’s French former assistant.She said that a night,a crying Cusack called her to know how to use the microwave (he was on a filming whereas she was in holidays with her family in France)
omg I love that! John Cusack was rude as hell to a friend of mine in college when filming in a hotel she worked at. She worshipped him and was just trying to say hello in an elevator and he blanked her. I still love Say Anything though.
I’ve never actually heard of him being nice to anyone. All the stories are negative.
I’ve always wondered if his attitude played a part in the downward trajectory of his career in recent years. After a while, enough people don’t want to work with you, the good roles dry up.
I once RTd a tweet from someone who’d met him and not had a good experience. Her story seemed totally plausible and I just casually clicked RT. Next thing Cusack himself Followed me to DM me “So what, you think I’m batsh*t?”. I replied along the lines of “not my business but, if the cap fits”.
Needless to say, after his hit n run on my DMs he blocked me. No loss. But quite sad to think of him sitting obsessing so much as to get that invested in a RT on Twitter.
I screen capped the DM hehe. Still makes me laugh at him being such a Special Snowflake.
Star always gets it wrong or recycles old news in new ways making once true info wrong.
Still, this list gave me a smile!
It seems incredibly tacky for someone in the inner sanctum to tell tales out of school, but at least most of these are funny rather than scandalous. I gotta admit I’m waiting for the Stars Without Makeup issue. Seeing some stars barefaced then camera ready, the difference is astonishing.
Elton John is living my best life.
I find these all fairly believable. Although prior to By the Sea, I wouldn’t have believed the Angelina one.
In my time, i’ve been a celeb/person with high end career assistant.
The above bon mot’s are kindergarten level examples of the sort of BS these people get their assistants to do.
Ditto the level of narcissism and lack of self awareness that makes these people behave this way.
jessica simpson: too drunk to undress herself. LMAO
BEEN THERE, BOO!
Yup, me too!!!! Lol! 🙂
“Angelina Jolie. She forces her assistants to see all of her films, especially the ones that bombed, and give her positive feedback. ”
I don’t buy this one. By all accounts, when Universal wasn’t happy with her cut of Unbroken she was very gracious and worked with their editor to “fix” the movie without complaint. I’ve heard a lot of people say she’s surprisingly without ego when it comes to the movies she makes. She also seemed to know By The Sea wasn’t going to be appealing to people, based on the way she started talking about it as a pet project or whatever last year. I don’t get the impression she needs that kind of false reinforcement.
Yeah but you imagine her tying up and gagging her assistants aking them watch her movies on repeat until they beg for mercy? Lol
Everyone knows she reserves the whips and ball gags for Brad.
Please it is StarMag. It is a made-up or exaggerated.
They sound completely made up but I laughed so hard at the Lena Dunham shade.
Reading this makes me feel like a better person.
LMAO.. I know now why I’ve always liked Brad Pitt.. “great minds…”..
I know most of them are made up but still had me in laughing, esp. Elton John and Matthew McConaughey.
WOW. LipoBanking! This is great news. I believe I have the potential to become a lipo mogul, if I play my cards right.
I don’t believe any of this !! But it’s kind of entertaining.
Personal assistants sign confidentiality agreements. How would this info get out? They would lose their jobs or get sued. Would it be worth it? I think this story, for the most part, is made up.
How can they prove who said it though? These people go through assistants pretty quickly, because there is only so much abuse a person can take.
They could sue the magazine who would then have to reveal their source.
Everybody’s assistant knows everybody’s assistant and what they are expected to do.
Here is Aniston with her own personal fan holding assistant
http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/lc/jennifer_aniston_2_210809/jennifer_aniston_2545989.jpg
Come on..be fair. She’s obviously on a set and for all we know, the director asked that they cool her off if she was perspiring while filming. That’s a bit different than having an assistant follow her around all day with a fan in case a bead of sweat appears on her forehead., no?
Most likely, the person who wrote this BS saw this pic and decided to make it into a story about “super-top-secret-insider-info-about-the-stars”.
I don’t think having an ice cube pressed to the forehead is comfortable at all or good for the skin. I didn’t really buy that one.
Exactly Kitten. She was in the middle of filming and being sweaty would have ruined her makeup and getting it re-applied over and over would have delayed filming. This is standard protocol for big budget films who shoot in hot climates.
True or not, this is the best “magazine’ cover I have ever seen. In my life. The hilarity. Whoever came up with this stuff needs an award, pronto.
I found Dornan’s and McConaughey’s stories super endearing. A lot of guys, including my brother-in-law are doing crafts these days! They’re actually really helpful for dealing with things like anxiety, or just with the more common issue of wanting something to do with your hands rather than play with your phone.
Johansson’s story just seems…I don’t know. Lots of adults have difficult relationships with their parents. I’m, if anything, more inclined to dislike whichever assistant mentioned this than Johansson herself.
I’ve just had to tell my husband I’m leaving him for Jamie Dornan; we will build a mini Pemberley, and he will create sarcastic jabs in needlepoint while wearing a tailored empire gown, as I wander around in Regency era men’s attire pretending to be Mr. Darcy.
I hereby submit my application to be your Beatrice.
That is brilliant. Can I be your butler if I wear a prom dress and bird mask?
Jamie Dornan, Christian Bale and ScarJo are my faves.
I completely relate to even nice people being driven to the edge by some family members.
Uncles and grandparents are the sweet people you wish all happiness in the world. If you haven’t positively felt the urge to throw plates at your parents and siblings at some point, you’re not actually related.
Josefina, I agree completely! A former co-worker always boasted about how her family had never had an argument when she was growing up. She and her siblings had never argued nor her parents, and all I could think of was that they must all be pod people.
Or just so emotionally constipated that one day they’ll axe-murder each other over a trifling discussion…
In my experience, however, women who say they never fight will soon enough expose you to a loud, vicious “exchange of opinion” with their sister/mother in a store aisle, about brussel sprouts or who paid last time AND EVERY TIME… They’ll then giggle disbelievingly and deny having fought when you ask them about it an hour later.
Other people’s normalcy is weird.
I’m perfectly normal and polite in daily life, but five minutes with my parents and my inner Hulk starts coming out – glad to see I’m not alone in this.
Parents just have ways of pushing buttons that turn even the most well-adjusted, otherwise lovely ADULT children into what seems like totally different personalities. Fighting and getting past it is just part of a healthy relationship as adults, and as long as some boundaries are observed it beats the old-school ‘I’m the parent and I don’t listen to anything you say’ authoritarian style of parenting.
I wouldn’t mind being as “plain” as Taylor Swift. I think that’s my favorite of all the tales told here. My second favorite is McConaughey. The notion of him talking filthy to a plate of food is priceless.
Christian Bale seems like he would be an undercover Dom ala James Spader in Secretary.
I’ve heard rumours that he’s an undercover submissive who hires professional Doms… but I like your idea better. Rowr
If what they’ve printed about Taylor Swift is true, then why does she hang out with Lena Dunham?
Now I want to be McConauhey’s food.
Is anyone really that surprised that Taylor is a self-obsessed mean girl? Look at the lyrics to her songs going way back – they’re all a lesson in impression management. They constantly tell you how she wants to be seen/remembered/glorified in rose-colored retrospectives. She is the female Justin Timberlake when it comes to ego run wild.
For the record, save for a few teenage years, I have NEVER fought with my mother. She is one of the most balanced person I have ever met.
Lmfao @ Matthew talkin dirty yo his food! Bahahahaha!
Absolutely nothing is better than Matthew McConaughey’s story.
*looks at calimari* Alright, alright, alright.
That Matthew McConaughey one gave a new meaning to ‘killer joe” chicken scene.
Oh jeez, how could I have forgotten that scene?
Totally believe the several secret liposuctions of Kim Kardashian. I would love to know just how many she has had. I bet its Waaayy more than we think.I have my doubts about her own lipobank though !
OMG I love the needlepoint. And the poop doodles. And the talking dirty to food. Hahah
Taylor failed- all mean girls know to hang with uglier girls to make them seem hotter. Duh! 😜
I really hope the Jamie Dornan one is true.
Laughing here with almost all of them.
Selena’s is quite acceptable, comparing to the others.
Angelina Jolie’s hilarious. I’m imagining the crew’s face while watching the films. But I guess she actually asks for some of them to watch, I doubt she forces, lol.
Elton John: WTF ?
Christian Bale: Not funny, I don’t want to believe it.
Taylor Swift: Like I said before, she has the I Want To Be Pretty and Cool syndrome. Subjects usually were average, invisible girls in high school and try to make it up for it in their adult years. Sad.
Jamie Dornan though xD
The cover is hilarious and actually makes me want to buy a copy. (I’m ashamed lol)