Amanda Holden, 45, is a British TV actress and she’s currently a panelist on Britain’s Got Talent. That’s where I know her from, and some of our UK readers are probably more familiar with her. Apparently she got a lot of press in the British tabloids in 2000 for having an affair with actor Neil Morrissey (Bob The Builder, seriously he’s the voice of Bob) when she was married to TV presenter Les Dennis. Holden and Dennis split two years later after seven years of marriage. She married a record producer named Chris Hughes in 2008 and they have two children together. That’s just background to this interview, which makes Amanda sound rather… unhinged. At the opening of the piece they describe how, during the interview, Amanda went out onto the roof of the building overlooking a busy street and took off her top, in the cold, for seemingly no reason. That anecdote is told without context so it’s hard to tell why she would be compelled to do that. The article isn’t credited to a particular journalist, so I don’t know if she did it in front of a man, woman or group of people. Here’s some of what she told The Sun:
She took off her top for no reason
At one point – entirely at her behest and just for the hell of it – we venture out on to the freezing cold rooftop of our high-rise location, where she swiftly removes her top and bra and positions herself, bold as brass and looking uh-mazing, right on the precipice overlooking a bustling central London street. Hello, world.She thinks women find her threatening
“Piers Morgan once told me that if you’re in entertainment and you’re gobby like me and blonde and thin, people don’t want to like you.“And I was maybe seen as a threatening person because I’d had an affair outside my marriage, and I think women judge that quite harshly. But when you see who the person really is, and they’re not this vampy I-don’t-know-what…
On women having affairs vs. men
“Most women seek love and affirmation. They don’t seek sex – they need something much deeper. And they’re not going to go anywhere for that unless they’re missing it.“Men can go out, come back and not think about it, whereas women live with the guilt and get punished for it. People still talk about it to me and it’s been, what, 20 years?
“Look at Lenny Henry and Angus Deayton – or any of the men who had huge public affairs or did awful things with hookers and drugs and everything. They don’t get mentioned again.”
On if she regrets anything
“No, because I had a good marriage while it lasted. You might regret upsetting people, but you can’t regret decisions because that’s who you were then and you have to evolve. It all makes you tougher and harder and stronger.“And these days, I do feel like I’ve got more women on my side, which is nice because I am one of them. I’m desperate to be one of them. I want to be in their gang!”
On how she has long days but has it easy
“Hosting and being able to be me and getting all dolled up is much easier than 16-hour days in a muddy field away from your family. BGT might be a 16-hour day, but you stay in a fantastic hotel with loads of friends!”
Amanda also talked about her stillborn son, whom she had to deliver at seven months old in 2011, and how she still thinks of him often. That part was sad. She later had a healthy child in 2012, her second daughter, but she hemorrhaged and nearly died during childbirth.
As for her thoughts on men’s vs. women’s infidelity, she’s not wrong that women get treated differently by the media, but I did roll my eyes at the way she characterized women who cheat as somehow doing so for nobler reasons like “love and affirmation” rather than sex. Plus she said women won’t cheat unless they’re missing something at home! That’s how all cheaters characterize affairs, it’s not limited to one gender, and it’s not the other spouse’s fault. Cheaters are going to cheat, male or female, and they’re going to come up with bullsh*t excuses about how their spouse wasn’t meeting their needs. She only cares about this issue because it affected her, and she still doesn’t seem to be taking responsibility.
Clearly not the sharpest knife in the drawer…
It was probably true in her case, that she wanted something more but it’s a sweeping generalisation that it’s true for all women.
We like sex just as much as the men folk
So agree, I know too many women who have fooled around right before they got married. One last leg over before they commit. It’s sex not romance.
Co-sign. Sex is as important for the ladies, and just for sex
I don’t think she’s wrong, I just have a problem with applying the generalization to all women. I’m sure there’s many women who cheat for the reasons she stated, including her. However I’m sure there’s plenty more out there who cheat for serveral other reasons, including plain old sex. It doesn’t do to generalize, people have myriad motives for what they do and there’s no one size fits all for cheating.
I just have to chime in and say I truly want both. I guess in our -still- repressed slut-shaming culture, I myself am surprised by my own pure sexual cravings. The man I want sexually is usually the man also crave affection from. So there is a spectrum for different women, no one can generalize.
My husband loves and affirms me. Having sex with just one person can get dull, especially when your libido starts to skyrocket in your late 40’s and early 50’s. When I think about other men, I promise you I am not fantasizing about love and affirmation. I get all that at home.
Amanda Holden is full of $!it.
She got grief in the UK media also because her then husband Les Dennis was key to her fame at the time and not from her own thing/fame.
Dennis was much older then her & doted on her. Her fling with Neil added fuel to the narrative that she attached herself to the smitten dumb Dennis cause of what he could do for her profile.
She dined out on it and now she’s playing the social issue card. Convenient
I would add Neil Morrisey was a bigger name than the both of them in England at the time
(He was a huge TV star).
I agree. Holden wanted to be the one that was in Men Behaving Badly with Morrissey, didn’t she? What was her name? The nation’s girlfriend who eventually went alien with the botox? Um… Leslie Ash! The whole thing was career leverage and she’s still doing it now.
Leslie Ash, yeah – the Trout Pout!! Ah, vintage gossip!
That’s it! At the time, all the boys were in love with Ash. And I think Holden’s ambition was to be just like her.
Yep, he was definitely the biggest of the trio, followed by Dennis, she was a virtual unknown. I remember her from Cutting It, a BBC show and thinking at the time, I dont think she’s having to act that much.
Her brown nosing of Simon Cowell makes me chronically dislike her
She LOVES it that she cheated on Les Dennis. Annoying woman has made a career out of the notoriety. I don’t watch any reality TV but even I couldn’t avoid him telling the nation all about it on Celebrity Big Brother or the Jungle or whichever one it was. And she still loves to play it all out in column inches fifteen years later.
Amanda: this is not me condemning you for being an (unnaturally) cheating woman as opposed to a (naturally) cheating man. This me condemning you for still trying to leverage it more than a decade on.
It’s just painful, isn’t it? I know her kids are quite young and all, but I can’t imagine reading back about how my mom used to cheat, and that she was still talking about it so long after. It’s one thing to have discussed briefly at the time- and maybe to even have mentioned later on in life as a “this is what I learned about myself” kind of thing. But man. I just can’t imagine.
@Sixer – Spot On
I’m sorry but I have to agree with her. I loved my boyfriend, more than anything, I still love him but he is unemotional, does not need affection and doesn’t need sex. It’s something that I struggled with and I did try to find in others. It’s not something I would have ever done under normal circumstance and I hate that I did it, but it’s hard to describe what it’s like not to get that from the person you are the most in love with. All I wanted was his attention and I went about doing it in the wrong way.
But that wasn’t his fault, it was yours. He wasn’t the person you needed. He didn’t give you what you wanted or needed to be happy. You should have left, not cheated. You didn’t love him, you loved the idea of him. He was just being himself. You were the one who chose to be with someone who didn’t fulfill your needs, then cheat on him and blame him for not fulfilling your needs. That’s not love. The trick it not to promise to be faithful to someone unless they make you happy, and not to try to make every relationship where you have feelings for the person be a long term monogamous relationship. You’re going to have feelings for lots of different people for different reasons. If the bad outweighs the good, move on. You can’t fix some things.
Yes but that is your experience.
I could counter argue that I have a female friend who has systematically cheated on all her (lovely) boyfriends. Her affairs were always short lived and always about sex. She was addicted to the thrill of the chase and the excitment of new sexual encounters but she also wanted to be in a stable loving relationship.
She’s now married to a lovely man but she’s admitted that she finds it really hard to stay faithful.
The point is the rhetoric of ‘women can only have sex when they’re in lurve’ is so damaging. Women are sexual and enjoy sex just like men do.
People have affairs for a variety of reasons.
Agreed.
“Other women don’t like me because I so beautiful.”
Translation: I’m an a$$hole but I don’t know it.
“I just cheated because I wasn’t getting the emotional sustenance I needed at home.”
Translation: I’m an a$$hole but I don’t admit it.
“I don’t regret anything I did because it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Translation: I’m an a$$hoe and I’m proud of it.
“Piers Morgan once told me…”
Translation: I’m an a$$hole.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Lol. Seriously, she is a piece of work isn’t she?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Well done!
Nailed it.
You know her, GNAT!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
One of your best m’dear. I still lol about your Putin post. So true. Lol
I wish she had talked about why she cheated instead of giving us a smoothed over, superficial answer. I’m going to be alone this summer in a city I don’t know well without my partner who I’ve been living with for the past 3 years. Im not going to cheat on him, but I want to know how relationships change when 2 people are apart.
She cheated because her husband was naff and she wanted to jump up the celebrity ladder and had an affair with a younger and (at the time) cooler UK celeb.
Naff is the perfect word to describe him!
Ha, Ha, Les Dennis was always naff. It shows her pedigree that she glommed onto him as an entree to the British celebrity/acting scene way back when. When you marry for social mobility/money, you earn every penny. When she realised what a drip Les was she tried to trade up with Neil Morrissey, another well known drip and lech. Unfortunately the whole sad business exploded in her face, and she was revealed for the toady and climber she truly is. For all that though, she is quite sharp and witty to talk to, so maybe she didn’t do so badly after all, and losing her baby son is a torment I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I don’t know how one would ever get over that.
Also, by the by, Les Dennis is doing a very wet turn on Coronation Street at the mo. He just makes my toes curl to watch him, and not in a good way. I always hear him as Mavis, “I don’t rightly know”!
I dont think this is news. Men and women tend to be driven by different motivations where relationships and sex are concerned. Not everyone of course, but enough that we can call them “trends”. Is she excusing her betrayal by pointing this out? Maybe in the same way that a guy who cheats claims his wife “let herself go” or “isnt interested in sex anymore”. Its an excuse that seems to win men sympathy in many circles, even here.
Also I think I finally understand that episode of Extras.
I think it’s such an old wive’s tale that men only want sex and women only want love. It’s another “good girl vs. tramp” myth to keep women in their place and to excuse men for philandering. in my experience, women want their toes to curl as much as men do, and men want to be loved as much as women do.
Dont get me wrong, I’m not erasing womens sexual needs. I’m just saying that gender wise, the behavioral trends are different. Whether thats due to evolutionary biology or just plain social conditioning, there does seem to be a difference.
Perfectly said, GNAT. I don’t condone cheating, but women and men cheat for all sorts of reasons.
Yep, I know women who have no problems cheating on their boyfriend. For sex. There are women who enjoy casual sex
@Naya
I know you weren’t trying to say that all women this or that. I just think that while evolution had women looking for a mate and men looking for a chance to impregnate as many women as possible, nature still gave women sexual desire and men the desire to be loved. I think to say the behavior or motivation is different is not true because individuals behave differently in different circumstances – you might be motivated by sexual desire in one situation and love in another, regardless of your gender. At least that’s what I’ve observed.
Actually Naya is right. There is a psychological basis for what women fall for first and need vs men. Not saying women don’t have sexual needs but there is a difference
I know what you mean, but you’re acting as though all women are the same as each other and the same as women were 100 years ago. They aren’t, though.
@ Nicole:
http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2015/11/brains-men-and-women-aren-t-really-different-study-finds
http://theconversation.com/when-society-isnt-judging-womens-sex-drive-rivals-mens-40863
I agree that women are often characterized as the home wreckers in an affair and that is unfair.
Having said that, if you cheat, then you’re a cheater and a selfish asshole. It doesn’t matter how you try to spin the reason you did it, in the end you are knowingly breaking someone’s trust to satisfy yourself. If you are unfulfilled in a relationship for some reason, you need to end it.
Trying to justify infidelity because women sometimes aren’t treated as fairly doesn’t help anyone.
This is bs. I work in a male-dominated profession which tends to have a lot of long distance relationships. Many women end up cheating because they are horny and lots of other men are available. And it’s not because they had issues with their partners, it’s just availability and stress.
Holden’s “point” comes down to an old sexist canard in which men barter “love” for sex from women, and men never have any interest in love, and women no interest in sex. It’s unfair and untrue for both genders. Both genders have people who care about both, or just one or the other, depending on the context. (Also, what about non-binary people? SMH.)
Thank you. That’s what I’ve been trying to say, but you said it better.
Gobby? Somebody help me with this one.
Loudmouth. Gob being Britisher slang for mouth. (Mr Sixer’s nickname for me is Great Gob Almighty, for instance!)
Oh! I was wondering if it was a misprint. Thanks
Don’t forget the time honoured “Gob of the North”. (Not you Sixer, obvs. It seems Mr Sixer knows his place in the scheme of things, and rightly so).
Great Gob Almighty is hilarious. Mr. Sixer might actually deserve you.
Thank you, Sixer. You’re our ambassador.
Just so’s you all know: I call Mr Sixer Fatterbellygutbucket. This is because he obsesses over his weight to a ridiculous degree (he knows it’s a reality check rather than me being mean, honest). Neither of us would win prizes for sensitive use of language!
She looks like a cross between Sienna Miller and Kate Bosworth
She wishes. These are nice shots. She glammed up at bit after her marriage. She was awful on Graham Norton – people give Tom grief, but she was a right pain in the butt
Her face and lips are so full of botox and fillers I’m surprised she could say anything coherent.
Well, she didn’t really.
Awwww, isn’t she just so righteous and well-meaning *eye-roll*? Actually, from my observations most women who cheat do so because they need to feel sexy and whatever they got going on at home isn’t making them feel sexy or not enough. Women cheat as a means of competition. Most women who are cheating with a man who is in a committed relationship, know the man’s significant other and need to prove to themselves that they must be on the same level as his significant other which couldn’t be further from the truth. Men tend to like their mistresses a bit trashy becuase those women think the man is a big deal – no standards, no expectations, no idea what he’s actually like as a husband or father and they dont’ care. They treat the man like he’s more than he actually is and that’s what the man is attracted to – seeing themselves through the eyes of a woman who puts him on a pedestal. Both cheat for ego’s sake. And they don’t care about who they hurt so long as it benefits them.
As for women being treated or veiwed differently than men who cheat. I don’t see that. Everybody who cheats and gets outed is viewed as a creep. The only difference is women who cheat with married men are viewed as homewreckers I guess becuase they’re women, they should know what they’re doing to a wife and her kids. Men don’t get called homewreckers – just pigs.
As someone who recently had their “home wrecked” by a woman who knew me and my kids, I co-sign to everything you wrote JenniferJustice. Both she and my now ex-husband are complete and utter dirt bags. But I do think (and I do view) the woman a little differently because as a wife and a mother, she had to be better than she was. Maybe that’s arrogant on my part, that women have to be better than men when kids are involved, and maybe it is antiquated in my thinking, but that’s my view. Maybe it is because I hold myself to a higher standard and maybe it is because I expect others to hold themselves to that high of a standard. That doesn’t mean my now ex-husband is blameless, in fact he is 100% to blame for destroying his family. He deserves every bit of public scorn and ridicule and misfortune he receives. But this woman helped him do it and for that she deserves every crappy label thrown at her (and a lot more!)
Kate, I’m sorry this happened to you and your kids. I hope you find happiness on your own and hopefully with a more faithful and loving partner.
Can we just kill this whole “Women want….” thing? With ALL of the fire? Maybe she doesn’t like sex and just wants love and affirmation. Meanwhile tons of women out there are out to get laid. We’re not a hive mind.
One of the biggest sexist myths still out there is women don’t crave or want sex. Its all about how we feeeelll, blah blah blah. We do want sex and at certain times & lots of it. Sometimes, we may not want to have it at all. Its called being human versus being a women. Shocker, just like men. Especially if sex is lacking in a marriage or if you are very attracted to someone, we want sex from other person….and it makes everyone feel more attractive and physically wanted. Sex shouldn’t be a stereotype in 2016.
People cheat for different reasons and plenty do it for sex only. Gender has nothing to do with it.