The tabloids reported last fall that Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman were having problems and had been living apart for a while. Then of course they announced last Friday that they were formally splitting and planned to divorce soon. In Touch now claims that Drew is the one who decided to separate after she had a personal revelation during her 40th birthday vacation that she was unhappy in her marriage. This is consistent with everything we’ve heard in major celebrity outlets, and it’s not surprising that there’s a specific moment when Drew decided to leave. That seems so much like her.
In Touch magazine, on newsstands tomorrow, is reporting that a turning point for Drew came in February 2015, when she turned 40. She took a trip to Hawaii and realized how unhappy she was. “Inside, she was crying,” a family insider tells In Touch. “She felt like she wasn’t in control of her life anymore.” Things got worse quickly. “Drew began contacting her attorneys in the fall of 2015,” the family insider adds. “She tried to keep it together for as long as she could, but their relationship was broken beyond repair.”
“Part of the problem is that Drew and Will are total opposites. He’s very organized and used to keeping a schedule, and Drew’s flighty, always late and is truly a wild child at heart,” the family insider tells In Touch.
“Because she came from a broken family, Drew tried so hard to play the devoted wife role. She desperately wanted that sense of family and stability, and for a while she thought she found that in Will.” But in 2014, she returned to the big screen with the Adam Sandler dud Blended. “At that point, she wanted to ramp up her career again and Will didn’t want her to,” says the family insider. “They fought bitterly about it.”
Adds a source close to Drew, “There was no infidelity, nothing dramatic like that. This has been going on for a long time. They’ve been working on their issues. In the end, they feel like, ‘This is a bummer. We tried.’”
The couple remains on good terms. “They are still living together,” says the source close to Drew. “They have places in NYC and in LA. Both are in LA right now, living in the same house.”
That sounds about right, and we’ve heard it several times now – Drew was unhappy, she did some soul searching, they tried for a while and ultimately ended it. It’s sad but it happens to so many couples. They seem to be putting their kids first and focusing on what matters.
E! also has an insider story about Drew, and it reinforces the narratives in US Magazine and People this week. Their insider says that “This was a slow burn. It was not a decision that they came to over night. They worked on things for a long time and have had time to adjust.” As I mentioned yesterday, this sounds so much like all the stories around the Garner-Affleck split and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
Drew’s longterm friend, Cameron Diaz, was on Andy Cohen’s XM show promoting her new book recently. Andy asked her if she’d reached out to Drew after hearing about her split and she responded in general terms, but it sounds like she has. She said “Everybody pulls the wagons around, you know, our friends, whoever needs us in whatever point in time. Even if it’s something that the public doesn’t know about. Internally we’re all going, like, ‘OK, who needs us now?’ And that really is, I think, a major part of the connectivity we need. We need to keep those things connected.” So it sounds like Cameron has known for some time that Drew is having relationship trouble. Drew just talked about Cameron in her Marie Claire interview so I don’t doubt that Cameron has been helping her.
Plus she recently Instagrammed this:
This is Will, Drew and Will’s sister, Jill Kargman. She’s in a show on Bravo called Odd Mom Out.
photos credit: Getty and FameFlynet
I’ll probably get yelled at for this, but giving up after 2-3 years of marriage (and 2 kids) because you’re restless and feel ‘compromised’ is a pretty poor reason to miss out on half your kids lives, which will inevitably happen when they share custody.
Yeah, poor little bohemian hipster.
Yes, I agree. And yes, this is her THIRD marriage gone down the tubes. But I think she just wanted kids while she could still have them herself and felt she should be married for it, to go “all in” with the family thing. I not saying that to be negative – I just think that is how she felt. I read somewhere else that when Drew described her husband’s attributes in an interview last year, it sounded like she was reading off a list from a job interview – i.e. she thought he was a good guy but she wasn’t in love with him really.
I won’t yell at you at all. I believe she was unhappy and believe she’s not easy in relationships but it is still sad for the children. It seems soon if nothing major happened.
I understand needing to live life as you see fit. I get that and respect it, but when children are involved there is naturally some compromise.
Maybe Will was over it too and she ended it. It does seem a tad like she’s accusing him of being boring. I think anything stable and drama free feels boring for her. Sounds more like he is stable and she can’t handle that.
They hadn’t had sex in a year. This is according to an interview that Drew did. It was way over.
She modified who she was to get him and then couldn’t maintain that modification. People do it all the time. You like what the person is about and you want to be in a relationship. But if you are comprising the essence of who you are the relationship fails.
Drew needs to stop doing this which I am sure is based on insecurity.
Yep, I believe that too. I hope they make it work for the kids. We don’t know her or him, but what is going on in her mind? She got divorced two times before pretty quickly. He seems like a decent guy. If it doesn’t work with him, I think she’s got a real problem.
@ Liv,
I don’t think she is that involved with the kids. I don’t know her life but…. she is traveling all the time and in the People article her PR person says Will stays with the Kids.
She also Instagramed an understanding to her mother.
I think the everyday motherhood and wife thing wasn’t for her. It is fine if you know that prior to doing that but….the kids will be fine with Will.
Can we get a poll on the sex life of couples with two under two?? We only have one and we probably had sex 3 times in the year following.
No yelling, I agree! Plus they had two kids in such a short amount of time and I’m sure it put a lot of stress on them as a couple.
Not yelling at all, I agree with you completely. I often think when I read about celeb divorces that they are so used to getting everything their way, and being able to afford anything material, that they are not using to compromising, to having a healthy argument, to respecting another person’s point of view.
I think she was, and is, flighty and immature. If you stay single and live like that, no biggie, but when you commit to a marriage and children it’s time to grow up, regardless of what difficult personal history you had as a child.
To me it sounds like she was so attracted by the idea of a stable family that she decided to marry him. Then when she began to live with the reality of a stable family, she discovered that it was not her cup of tea at all. Maybe she really did try to work it out through therapy and so on, but it sounds like she just gave up because things weren’t “fun”. And as far as the part about changing who you are goes… we all change as we go through various stages of life. It’s called becoming an adult, maturing, getting wiser. I don’t think she is there.
She seems like the type of person who is ‘all in’ at first, but then just as quickly can check out.
I have no idea about her husband (maybe he is obstinate). But it takes two willing to work on a relationship. If either one is convinced it will not work, it won’t. And that’s not fair to the other party.
Her track record suggests she needs to take a big step back this time, and not plow right back into the dating scene.
I feel sad for the kids. People jump into getting married and having kids sometimes for the most selfish of reasons and then the kids suffer.
I’m not yelling but are you supposed to stay together just for the kids? I don’t know, I imagine two happy and functional divorced parents raising their kids would be a lot better than two miserable people sticking it out for the kids.
After the children reach school age, joint physical custody is next too impossible unless both parents live near each other, like on the same street lol. Most of the divorces I see both parents have legal custody but one parent is the custodial parent and the other receives visitation. This is what happens, it’s the reality of divorce.
Right now they are still living together so they have not had to divide up their time with the children. Since Drew does not have any nannies or help, it’s possible they will continue living together or in close proximity to each other until at least one of her daughters start kindergarten. Call me crazy but I see them both doing this.
I think that the research says that absent something like abuse, yes, kids tend to do better in two-parent homes. I can get why people choose to get divorced (the most recent couple I know to divorce did so when she discovered that he’s been lying, hugely, for years, as well as cheating). I don’t really have a dog in this fight, thought.
Regardless of the kids…they grow up anyway….these two were such a poor match.
She’s kinda sloppy and out there and he’s impeccable and educated. He would need more..much more. No offense….I’m just saying……..different mindset.
honestly i think he could do better
yeah he could have done so much better than her.
I think it’s easier for the kids that they’re so young they won’t even remember their parents together vs growing up in an unhappy home, with the parents splitting eventually.
It’s better for the parents to stay together, for a lot of reasons. My parents were divorced and considered to have a healthy one, but so much parenting stuff slipped through th cracks, or we were too spoiled be a use of guilt. Plus, people who usually can’t make a marriage last tend to have issues that don’t magically go away just because they got divorced. You get to watch the same issues play out in the divorce, after wards, and in new relationships. Both of my parents have had two 15 year plus relationships since each other, and they both say they should have stayed together. I think as a society people are getting selfish. It took each of them a few other relationships to see that they were creating most of their problems, and changing partners didn’t fix anything. I got married young, and have been married for twelve years. Drew definitely has addictive personality issues, and is a codependent. They tend to go all in, and all out really quickly. They don’t have realistic expectations of themselves or others. And, they crave chaos. When things are calm and peaceful they get uncomfortable. It can be over come, but you have to want to over come it. So, she will just pass that lifestyle down to her kids, who will in turn probably turn to substance abuse to deal with the self created chaos. It is a vicious cycle.
How it looks to me: this guy treated her like gold, his family was welcoming and warm, they had great sex. Shotgun wedding follows, whatever, and, while they still have great sex, he is noticing his new wife isn’t settling into the role women in his sphere normally do. She is noticing he’s picking at her behaviour a little bit more, rather than being excited by its novelty. Babies come, are cute, are easy to focus on instead of obvious relationship issues being ignored. Finally, she wants to go back to work, he isn’t having it, and she has never ever been told what to do. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, to split up, when this is the way it’s going. My husband and I had a major relationship breakdown at year three. We decided to work for it, but we only had one kid, and lots of family support on either side. I’m not sure Drew has the same support system her ex will have.
The other things that hasn’t been mentioned-two children so close together? Maybe part of Drew’s unhappiness was post-partum depression.
Also, it is true that you miss out on half your childrens’ lives. I divorced my ex when my sons were 5 and 7-given, our marriage had become a war zone-and my heart breaks over the time I have missed with my sons. Realistically, staying together for the kids was a dwindling option, but I still mourn the time away.
I’m not surprised they split. She was always flighty go find your happiness personality. I’m sure being married pinned her down with life’s mundane stuff. From what I read about the husband he seems to be normal. It’s like she loved his family and how he was raised but she didn’t care to be a society wife.
Yeah, “they really tried”??? No, no they didn’t.
They should have hashed all of that out before they got married OR had kids. I have no sympathy for people who act on impulse and then later decide they made a mistake. Gee, ya think??
I agree that they didn’t really try, and both sides are saying nothing crazy happened like an affair or abuse, so why not keep freakimg trying! My grandparents were married 55.5 years and they both would say how much work it was, that you will have 5 good years then a few bad YEARS, but to not give up because in the end it’s worth it, and you can always find your way back to those good years if you truly love and respect each other. I think many couples expect that honeymoon period to last forever and when it doesn’t they just bail.
This. Couldn’t agree more.
I completely agree with you, Kath. Drew seems like a sweet person, but if you’re giving up after that short of time, when there hasn’t been infidelity or abuse, you’re not putting your kids first.
Relationships really only work if people have the same mentality towards life. If one or both members of a couple need to compromise to the point where they are sacrificing their values and sense of self then they’re not right for each other. A couple needs to be on the same road, going in the same direction because that’s where both of them want to go.
It seems like Drew wants to try every experience in life. Okay, done this good wife routine, now on to the next new and exciting adventure . This time though it’ s the kids who will have to deal with the fall-out. They will have to adjust to perhaps not seeing each parent on a daily basis, boyfriends and girlfriends revolving in and out of their lives, maybe step-parents. Drew talked a good talk but why even bother.
My sympathy is with the children (toddlers, no less). Even her own camp describes her as ‘flighty’.
I also suspect she’s having a mid-life crisis. Turning 40 can turn your mind on its end.
This is a spot on observation I think. Cute childhood star (check), smart but too headstrong, and wild teenager (check), free spirited, flower child, bisexual pixie chick (check), driven, focused business woman (check), mother and wife (check). Who will Drew be next? It is going to be interesting to see exactly how she and Will co-parent. As much as I do not like Kate Hudson, I do think she and her exes co-parent very well, especially she and the Black Crows singer. Will Drew and Will be similar? Or, is this going to turn into some Bethenny Frankel mess, because Drew’s personal issues seem to be very similar to Bethenny Frankel’s.
ITA. *Looks at Garner and Affleck*
She used him for a 2nd baby. I feel bad for the hubby.
While I’m sad they broke up I’m a little tired of the ‘she came from a broken family so she can’t possibly know how relationships work’ narrative. Lots of people from two parent families divorce(not just once but several times) and no one says that they’re broken and can’t be fixed and lots of people from horrendous family situations have healthy functioning families. I think the story here is much more complicated than that.
ITA. People from broken families are not incapable of creating their own happy families. I also think there’s more to it than that. Grr.
I think it’s more than the “broken family” with her-lots of people come from a divorced home and are fine-just because people are divorced that doesn’t mean they can’t be amazing parents-2 separate things. From what I’ve read, her mother was not a source of security or stability. I think that has a huge impact on a person’s emotional growth.
Yes, a totally absent father and a mother who thinks it’s fine that your 8 year old is drinking and taking drugs–not a recipe for future stability. If the parents had been more present and functional it may not have mattered that it was a broken home. But those are 2 really crappy role models.
I’m more concerned his parents named their kids Will and Jill.
I know someone who named her sons John and Jack, which are basically the same name. Drives me nuts! But rhyming names are also annoying. I wonder if they have a brother named Phil?
How about Alex (girl) and Lex. Imagine trying to decipher which name Mom just called out.
These following examples are probably not in the same league as Will and Jill, but –
I always thought it was strange that Kirstie Alley named her son William and daughter Lillie. Very similar sounding syllables.
Nicole Kidman’s sister Antonia has six children. Two of her sons names are James and Hamish. Hamish is the Scottish version of James. Its the same name!
I also know someone who named their son Milo and their daughter Lola. Two exact same syllables.
I don’t believe separated a year, but close. I believe it was for quite a while, probably mtore like since last fall, late summer, from other reports, and that the marriage was troubled for far longer than a year. Reports are saying most of the marriage they had troubles.
She had a newborn. She probably didn’t want the judgment. Getting pregnant a second time with a marriage going down the tubes and separating when the baby was just turning one. So kept the separation quiet and gave hints during interviews all wasn’t well with the marriage, so then it wasn’t a big shock when it was announced.
My sister came from a strong family background, but she truly just settled because she was tired of the single life (and she had a lot of fun LOL) but wanted a family and he came along wanting a committed relationship, but then he didn’t later. Then she didn’t because of their differences. They went back and forth.
. Drew hitting 40 and starting her family so quickly with this guy and never acting madly in love in her comments, talking about him more like Ben did about Jen, I see the same similarities, marrying Mr. Right Now like my sister did.
I still suspect this was a shotgun wedding in the first place. She was 5 months preggers when they got married. No shade for a shotgun wedding or getting married bc you are pregnant, but I think this originally turned from fun dating to “oh crap”. Try to fit into the mold. It is suffocating. Game over. With two kids to raise in the process.
And I’ll say again, I’ll take him off her hands if she desires. He’s kind of my type.
They say they got engaged and three weeks later took a pregnancy test realizing she was late.
side eye. I’m not buying that at all. But in general, I know nothing, so I guess that will be my theory and mine alone.
Life is too short to be miserable. If these two are content to divorce and share custody, what do I care? Probably never should have got married or had kids in the first place.
I adore Drew and am always in her corner. Her childhood was absolutely pathetic (shame on her mother!), but I believe regardless of whether she is ever able to have a long-term marriage, she will be an outstanding mother to those children.
I separarated from my husband when our kid was 4. No abuse, he didn’t cheat – I was just miserable. Like self destructive miserable. There is no loneliness that compares to being lonely in a marriage. I give only props to Drew and Will for handling this in a mature way. My kid has done beautifully (and sees mom and dad and now step parents happy and fulfilled) and if they work together, so will theirs.
Thank you,
All these people saying she should have stayed. It does say in the article that she gave it a try and it did not work out. Just because it was 4 years does not mean she did not try.
Kids are not stupid, they can tell that their parents relationship is off. We are doing ourselves and our kids a disservice if stay in a marriage that we are not happy in. By all means, try, try and make it work. But if you cannot make it work and you are not happy cut the cords, life is too short.
The kids we are so concerned about will grow up and you will find yourself at 65 regretting that you stayed in a marriage you were not happy in and have lost your chance at finding true happiness.
Blind item says she was cheating on him. True? Who knows. Just saying …
If she’s gonna be an actress again please someone stop her from the stupid Sandles movies!
“Part of the problem is that Drew and Will are total opposites. He’s very organized and used to keeping a schedule, and Drew’s flighty, always late and is truly a wild child at heart,” the family insider tells In Touch.”
So this quote reminds me of an article that I read which states that opposites do not work well in a marriage and there is data that backs this up –
http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/in-the-end-people-may-really-just-want-to-date-themselves/
I tend to agree with it, in my marriage we are opposites and I can tell you that is not working out well.
This legitimately breaks my heart.
I was so hoping this was her happily ever after. Will seems like a wonderful person, maybe it was ‘too normal’ for her to comprehend or be comfortable in… it makes me sad. 2 kids in a short period is STRESSFUL but I still wonder if they’re shutting it down too quickly….
I read the first few articles that stated “they couldn’t agree on which coast to live” – well it’s not going to soothe anything by splitting. If he stays in NY & she wants CA, their kids will be disrupted for half the year, depending how it all shakes out.
I get that we don’t know them intimately & they could both be huge pains in the ass to live with but I really hoped this was her ‘ideal family’ setting she clearly craves.
I’ll take him! I think he’s adorable!
Get in line! I’ve already claimed him.
Reading some of these comments makes me so sad. I’ve been married 4 years and have a 2 year old, and I’m miserable. My husband hasn’t done anything wrong – there isn’t any abuse, no cheating, no spiteful behaviour. So of course I’m trying to stick it out for the sake of our daughter. But I feel horribly trapped and stifled in an unhappy marriage and worry that I’ll look back and regret spending a large part of my life lonely and miserable. I have no doubt he feels the same way.
It’s comments such as ‘divorce is akin to abuse’ and suggestions that looking for your own happiness as a mother is selfish which are keeping me here. You’re the voices in my head. And I’m battling to decide whether you’re right.
No, you should do what is best for you and your family, but weigh all of your options as far as how custody and visitation is set up.
My sister married someone for the same reasons Drew did, yearning for a baby, tired of dating, wanting a homelife. They were opposites. He was older and powerful in the community. She was 26. By the time the child was two they separated. I don’t think anyone thought she was horrible at all. The difference is she got primary custody and he agreed to it. We discussed how nowdays men are getting fifty/fifty and I asked her if she would have divorced then. She said she could never have lived through that, that her child was her joy. He was too young she felt to be away from her and she couldn’t bear it, so would have waited until he was a littler older.. So the divorce wasn’t hard for her at all once it was done because she had her son most of the time and he had liberal visitation.
A friend of mine divorced. Their daughter was three. His wife was having an affair. He was a great father. He was very pushy during the divorce and got his daughter during the week and she took the child FRiday Sat, Sun. It was supposed to switch the next year, but he worked it so he kept her the second year that way. Then it flipped. They did it that way so the child could be in the same home for the school week. They lived in neighboring counties, but too far to do it differently. He had his child Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and took her to school on Mondays.
That worked out because they didn’t lose their child a week at a time where it felt so hard, but instead split up the week. But his ex did have to give up her weekends without her daughter.
It wasn’t easy, but it worked out fine. Although, the wife did have a nervous breakdown in the beginning when the reality hit regarding their child and the separation. But time healed that and they both had other children and it all worked out.
Edit: Well, no, it didn’t all work out. They both married supposedly their true soulmates, and they are both divorced again fifteen years later.
As for my sister. She’s remarried and has two more children, and is miserable in the marriage she is in, but has stuck it out for many years now, therapy doesn’t help (he is incapable of change), but her children are her focus now..
I agree that you will regret your life if stay in an unhappy marriage. You owe it to your kids to try your hardest to make it work. if it doesn’t you move on. you do not owe your kids your life.
Please don’t take people’s comments about Drew personally because at the end of the day, it is your life. Children don’t need an unhappy Mommy and you should not sacrifice your life even for your children. Drew has a pattern of unstable relationships and most of the comments are coming from that perspective.
I am divorcing with small children and one is still on my hip. I would give anything if I could to have been able to make my marriage work, but I knew it was impossible. My oldest started asking why Mommy doesn’t smile and it makes her feel bad inside. She’s little enough that it we can fix this but there will be fallout. I know this to be true but the alternative is worse. I do feel guilty sometimes, I was dying a slow painful death inside and I was no longer enjoying my life, I even regretted having a large family, which only made me feel more guilt.
The best advice I received was that I needed to be a role model and show my children if they are unhappy, change something.
It won’t easy, but if you are miserable in my opinion, weigh the odds and truly assess if it’s fixable or impossible. Only you know the answer.
I will say that I have no regrets. My home is a happier place now and my friends and family notice it too. I have the energy to tackle the future, where before it felt like an awful grind.
Whatever you choose good luck and I wish you well.
Divorce is not akin to abuse. I hope you can find your way back to love. I hope you can find something fulfilling for yourself, so you do not feel stuck in an empty role. I hope you can build meaningful connections that help you expand your understanding of yourself. I hope you can do everything possible to see what you loved in your partner, to love them as your child’s parent, to see your lives together from a broader perspective and not just the very brief time when we’re home with little ones. And if all that fails, and you’ve loved your most and given your best and explored your options, that you do what creates more peace and happiness for your family.
What a kind comment, Annie.
There aren’t usually celeb links of which I am totally unaware, but the Will Kopelman/Jill Kargman sibling-ship (a word?) was one! That’s why I love reading Celebitchy – chock full of useless info and other readers who care about it like me! (PS that show, Odd Mom Out, is hilarious).
I agree. I really like Odd Mom Out and I had no idea that Jill Kargman was Will’s sister. Thinking about it now, I like to imagine that her character is a bit like Drew in his family.
Really now, what does she have to be unhappy about? She has her own career, be it acting, cosmetics, or wine. She travels for work and pleasure and has nannies and family to care for the kids. Unlike most of us, if she needed time for herself she could take it. If her marriage was boring, she had the time and money to spice it up. Why is giving up so easy? I can understand the mindset at 25, but at 40 and two divorces already under your belt? A good marriage doesn’t just happen. It takes work.
It is such immaturity to give in to your selfish feelings when so many other lives are involved. If she had never had kids I would say who cares, but it’s a shame that someone who seemed to have it all going for her is willing to destroy it all. I wouldn’t be surprised if she does act like her own mother and just walk away from the kids.