Mother of God. I’m going to try to keep this one on topic, just so I don’t start pulling out my hair and chugging Jack Daniels from the bottle. The National Enquirer (story via Showbiz Spy) is reporting that Angelina Jolie wants to adopt and raise a child with her brother, James Haven. The same brother that she kissed on the mouth at the 2000 Oscar ceremony. The same brother that she said she was “so in love with”. The same brother who had to formally deny an incestuous relationship with his sister. The same brother with a “Shiloh” license plate. Yes, that James Haven.

Apparently, this all stems from Brad’s “ban” on Angelina adopting or getting pregnant for a year. So Angelina’s solution is, of course, to adopt a baby with her brother, and raise that child with her other children. So, just one shot of Jack Daniels, or should I make it a double? The Enquirer’s “sources” have little punches that contribute to the image of Angelina-Zombie Hungry For More Babies. Stuff like “She wants to help unwanted children NOW” and “Angie tends to find a way to get what she wants — and she wants more babies.” Must. Have. Delicious. Babies.

Here’s a rumor that’ll have you questioning your own existence: Angelina Jolie wants to raise a child with her brother!

According to the National Enquirer, [sic: Editor’s note, this story appeared in Globe print edition, 4/27/09] Jolie is keen for the openly-gay James Haven to adopt a baby — and she’ll help raise it alongside her existing brood of six.

So, it’s not that bad, right?

Apparently Jolie is keen for her brother to adopt because her partner, Brad Pitt, has banned her — for one-year — from having another kid.

“This latest bombshell has really infuriated Brad,” said one insider. “Anyone would feel betrayed by the woman he loves going behind his back. If this isn’t resolved soon, friends fear it could spell the end.”

“The subject of adopting more child has been rife for months,” the source adds. “Brad feels they need time together as a family, which makes Angie very resentful. She wants to help unwanted children NOW.”

“Brad wants to do a movie in Brazil in the summer, let their baby twins get comfortable with their siblings, then consolidate the family before jumping back into adoption.”

“It’s causing huge conflict with her and Brad and has triggered huge screaming matches.”

“Now Angie’s urging her brother to adopt. And he doesn’t have to worry about being a single dad because she’ll co-parent with him. Angie tends to find a way to get what she wants — and she wants more babies.’”

So, make of that you will.

[From Showbiz Spy]

I’d always assumed James Haven was gay (he beeped on my gaydar long, long ago) but I’ve never heard that Haven was or is “openly gay”. He seems more like quietly fabulous, but that’s just me. So, is this going to be the next big Angelina conspiracy? Oh my God, Angelina is leaving Brad to have babies with her gay brother! This will out-do those blood vial comments, I bet. I’m going to pour myself a shot and wait for the comments!

Update by Celebitchy: ShowbizSpy states that this story originated in The National Enquirer, but that’s not true. I just finished reading the National Enquirer’s latest edition and I read it in full every week and never saw this story. My friend Sammie let me know that it’s in last week’s edition of Globe.

Here are Angelina and James at the infamous kissing Oscars. Header of them picking up Maddox from school on May 11th, 2007. Images thanks to WENN.com .