Karrine Steffans writes an essay about being Jay-Z’s ‘Becky’ 15 years ago


We last discussed Karrine “Superhead” Steffans in March, when she very publicly kicked her husband to the curb. Steffans was and is a famous “video vixen” who has built a small empire on her status of being a high-profile girlfriend/wife, internet celebrity and social activist. Her last marriage was to Columbus Short, and the marriage only lasted a few months before she kicked him out of her home and threw all of his crap in the lobby of her apartment building.

Steffans has been famous for at least 15 years or so, and when she first came to LA, she consistently got work as a video girl. She’s also hooked up with some high-profile men over the years. Well, Steffans has written an essay for XOJane about what she learned from Beyonce’s Lemonade. It’s a think-piece about what it’s like to be the Becky with the Good Hair and what it’s like to be the wife/Beyonce in the situation. It’s about how every woman is the Becky and every woman is the Beyonce. In the essay – which you can read here – Steffans also spills some tea and reveals that she hooked up with Jay-Z at one point (before he got with Beyonce) and that she’s been the Becky several times. Some highlights (although I would suggest reading the full piece):

She hooked up with Jay-Z: “Over 15 years ago, I had Beyoncé’s husband. Yes, I was one of Jay Z’s Beckys back in the year 2000 for about three minutes, which is about as long it takes me to satisfy a man in the back of a Maybach while overlooking the beaches of Malibu. I was a 21-year-old California transplant who’d been tossed into my first music video after a fateful meeting with director Hype Williams. A single mother raising my son on my own, I jumped at the chance to make $2,500 a day to dance around and look pretty next to the artist — Jay Z. He was a long-time friend of my cousin, Chuck, and after a call from him, Jay knew to keep me close, making sure I got loads of camera time. This was the beginning of my stint as a video girl, and one day Jay and I stole away for some time alone toward the end of the day. Chauffeured away from the set, down the winding road, and closer to the shoreline, Jay and I feasted on our attraction to one another — rabidly and quickly. After just a few minutes, I lifted my head from his lap, wiped my lips, and knew we’d made a mistake. Over the next few years, I would see Jay again, as I became close with his then business partner Damon Dash. We never mentioned our Malibu melee and acted as if it never happened. My cousin Chuck would be livid.”

She was the other woman to a married man: “I stepped outside of my flash-in-the-pan dealings with Mr. Carter and thought back to my 7-year relationship with another well known rapper and member of the celebrated Wu Tang Clan, Clifford Smith, known better by the world as Method Man — known to me as Bizkit. The year was 2000 and there was no Instagram, no Twitter and no Facebook. There was no way to know about a person’s personal life other than what they decided to reveal in private. We were already a year into our romance before he called me with the news — he was getting married. Well, I never knew about her or their children, or anything about his life back in New York. All I knew was our life in Los Angeles and the memories we’d created in our own little world. I loved him, as a person, as a friend, as my lover, and with that love, I warmed his cold feet over the phone and soothed his doubts and fears about marriage. After all their years together, after giving him children, she deserved to be his wife. And for the next six years … I would be his Becky.”

Who is Jay-Z’s Becky? “Rita Ora? Was she also one of his Beckys? Or is she just playing into the marketing genius that is The Carters? And what about Cathy White? The rumors that never go away. Articles tucked away in shady corners of the Internet that she was just about to reveal her affair with Jay, but just days before the story would leak, she was hospitalized with what was first categorized as blunt force trauma to the head, but later changed to a brain aneurism. She was a Becky. She had good hair.”

[From XOJane]

Steffans notes at one point, “It is staggering how many wives are still sides, and how many sides become wives, only to realize they are still one of many.” What’s fascinating about the dissection and analysis – on all corners – of Beyonce’s Lemonade is that it didn’t really feel like Beyonce was angry at the Beckys, the side chicks. She was angry at her husband. She was angry at her father. She was angry with herself. It was very humanizing to see that side of Beyonce, the part where she questions her own marriage and judgment and held a mirror up to millions of women in the same situation. As for what Steffans wrote… I’m not scandalized by her hookup with Jay all those years ago. But I was fascinated that she actually wrote that Cathy White was a Becky. That gossip is really, really… scandalous.


Photos courtesy of WENN, Instagram.

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88 Responses to “Karrine Steffans writes an essay about being Jay-Z’s ‘Becky’ 15 years ago”

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  1. Who ARE these people? says:


  2. Pinky says:

    Murder and mayhem as part of the high life. I feel lucky to be unimportant and destitute.


  3. missmerry says:

    did you read how the xojane commenters reacted?

    in short, they are usually very, mean, eyeroll-y and negative.
    they’re almost never happy with anything that website publishes.

    I visit it almost every day, this site too, so it’s interesting they’re now crossing.

    • teacakes says:

      xojane is like my personal cautionary note saying DO NOT BECOME THIS, EVER. Pathetic in every way.

    • Magnoliarose says:

      I visited a few times and ran far far away.

  4. Becky says:

    Ugh… I used to be a big fan of Beyonce til she ruined my name… now I’m just waiting for more women to come out saying Jay cheated with her too. I might even be crossing fingers for secret children.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      Did you read the article? He wasn’t with Beyoncé then, and Beyoncé didn’t invent the term Becky.

    • SilkyMalice says:

      That term, or ‘name’ has been around a lot longer than Beyonce.

    • Naya says:

      Please. Firstly, Karrine isn’t revealing anything that wasn’t already in the public domain. This story appeared in her first tell all book o over a decade ago. Secondly, it happened before Beyonce and Jay Z were a couple. Thirdly, if you want to blame somebody for “Becky” buy a time machine, travel back 25 years ago and ring up Sir Mix Alot. You clearly just don’t like Beyonce, which is fine if you own up to it rather than setting out some riridiculously fake ass justification for the hate.

    • V4Real says:

      Yes, the term Becky has been around for the longest time. What Beyoncé did was just make it much more popular. For the millions of people who have never heard that term before, it is new to them and now they know it. So the credit does go to Bey for that.

      • Wren says:

        I know I personally didn’t know the term until Lemonade came out. Even if it has been around a long time, I guarantee that I’m not alone. It’s novel to many people, and like any fun new derogatory thing to say it’s going to be used A LOT now. If that was my given name I’d be upset too.

      • TreadStyle says:

        Yes I also had no idea about the whole Becky thing until this whole Beyoncé debacle. So for some of us it was introduced and is now mentioned every single day bc of this. That is how it works, something can be around for ages, but once someone like Beyoncé uses it, then it blows up…. So there’s a difference in yes it’s been around but now u hear about it everyday. It worked in her favor that she introduced the term to many bc it is keeping her in the spotlight. I just wish she would have come out w this album and all the dirty laundry and also left him. That would have been much more powerful then it opening all convos on mistresses and cheating and staying w the guy. Just my opinion, everyone is different I know though.

      • Becks says:

        I had no idea what a Becky was until lemonade… Ugh. I hate that my name has a derogatory meaning, even if it’s just slang.

    • The Eternal Side-Eye says:

      Becky as a term has been around forever, the only thing Beyonce did was give you a clue about it 30+ years after it peaked.

      • Nancy says:

        If you’re going by the urban meaning of a Becky, it is specifically a white girl who does oral favors. I give Beyoncé no props for using this term.

      • AlmondJoy says:

        Nancy, that’s actually NOT what it means, but I would hate to get into this whole Becky debate again.

        Sidenote: If it’s used in reference to someone who sleeps with your husband than I think it’s probably the very LEAST of the bad names you could call that person….

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        @Almond Joy, I could come up with a lot worse.

      • pinetree13 says:

        To be fair though, many of us, myself included, never knew about the term “Becky” being used this way. Now EVERYONE knows! In my real life no one had ever used this term, ever and now…I am starting to hear it. So while Beyonce certainly didn’t invent it….her usage definitely gave it a new far-reaching audience.

        Hopefully it won’t be a big deal for real “Becky’s”. After all, people say “Go to the John” in place of bathroom as well as “The prostitute and her John” as people who hire prostitutes but if you hear of someone in your real life named “John” the name still seems fine. lol to me at least.

      • Magnoliarose says:

        It is a certain type of white girl but I never heard it as ALL white girls. We used to call WASPy girls from Connecticut Muffy and their boyfriends Chip or Biff. It just meant super preppy rich kids who were like Charlotte from Sex and The City. It’s not flattering but it’s not heinous.
        It’s not as bad as the old name Dick that no one would name their sons anymore. When people used to call Richard Nixion Dick Nixon we used to giggle wildly.
        I can’t see this going down that road.

      • The Eternal Side-Eye says:


        No it’s not. That’s just what people gleamed from Iggy’s quote who doesn’t know what it means either.

        @Pine tree

        Lol, I’m more worried for people names Felicia than Becky. Those people have been suffering.



    • megs283 says:

      I had never heard of the term “Becky” either. Can it go back to just being a name now?

  5. grabbyhands says:

    We never mentioned our Malibu melee and acted as if it never happened. My cousin Chuck would be livid.”

    But with all this going on, I saw a chance for an attention/money grab and I decided I didn’t care if anyone got mad. P.S. Did I mention I’ve slept with another famous married guy for six years? But like, it was totally okay because his wife and children were on the opposite coast and she didn’t know about me. But now she does, I guess. Ooopsies!!

    • vauvert says:


      Oh, and nice way to ruin a fine word like melee instead of coming up and saying she gave him a BJ in the back of the car like a $20 hooker. No, I am most certainly not slut shaming (so sick of that term.) You want to be sexually adventurous and have a lot of affairs, go ahead. But going off a job with a man you’ve just met for a BJ – sure, that sounds like romance and adventure. And then being such a hypocrite about “not telling your cousin”. Of course, so much easier and nicer to tell the whole world 15 years later, in a desperate attempt to grab some limelight.

      What really annoys me about this person I had never heard of before is how she is boasting about having been a mistress for 6 years – well, 7 but she is trying to make it sound like she was oblivious about the fact that during the first year of the relationship the man had a long term GF and kids in NY. Listen, it was not the stone age. You didn’t know about it because you chose not to know about it. And then once you found out (supposedly) that changed… what? Oh, nothing. You were fine being the side piece. Out of pure love, I am sure, nothing to do with money or trying to stay relevant or getting gigs or anything.

      • Naya says:

        It’s clear that a lot of people don’t know who she is. This XO Jane interview contains no revelations. She’s been harping on about Method Man and about 3 dozen celebrities for years. She’s actually quite flattering about Method considering what she says about people like Diddy.

        Controversial opinion; I actually quite like Karrine.
        Just to be clear, the men she exposed in her books were already rapping about their prowess and flaunting their infidelity for album sales. They gave the women misogynistic nicknames (Karrine for instance appears in rap lyrics as “super head”). They wrote lyrics that named and shamed the female sex partner while simultaneously boasting over how many they had conquered. Karrine basically just has the same mindset. She sells books and articles based on who she “conquered” and refuses to be shamed for it. She plays the game by their rules and actually beat them.

      • Kitten says:

        So she’s as gross as they are, basically.

        I still can’t find anything admirable about what she did. If that means that I’m “shaming” her, so be it.

    • Kitten says:

      Yeah..can’t help but agree with you two.

      On one hand it’s her choice, her life. But I can’t get past how unapologetic she is about being a sidepiece. I’m not sure what I expected but the prideful way that she boasts about it is so gross to me.

      • K says:

        Thank you! The men doing it is disgusting and wrong and inexcusable and they should be called out on it. I fully support women pointing out they weren’t alone when they were having sex and that men shaming then are involved but what this woman is doing is no different then what the men are doing and two wrongs don’t make a right.

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        Gross to me, too. It’s not just her life that she’s affecting by her actions. Of course the man is responsible for his own marriage, but I couldn’t do that to another woman.

      • Magnoliarose says:

        Not to mention the wistful romanticizing about it.

      • H says:

        Problem is Karrine wasn’t Method Man’s only side piece. He had his wife AND a girlfriend back in NYC during that time. So Karrine “giving him up” to the wife is a joke. Method Man had a lot of girlfriends.

    • atrain says:

      Hit the nail on the head. This girl is so eager to glom onto any chance to make herself famous. She serviced Jay-Z in a car 15 years ago, and she’s using that to try to make herself relevant and a part of the whole Lemonade ordeal. Sit down.

    • chaine says:

      ikr? lol @ the posters who are calling her three minutes with JZ an “affair.” no, that’s not what it was. it was him using her like a piece of kleenex, and he never mentioned it to her again because he probably didn’t recall her doing that, since she was probably one of many many many.

  6. AlmondJoy says:

    This is old news… The Cathy White story is too. Well at least on urban blogs.

    • roses says:

      yep, very old.

    • Rainbow says:

      I didn’t know about Cathy White… Wow

    • Alex says:

      Super old. Like this tea is cold at this point lol

      • The Eternal Side-Eye says:

        Cold and went bad but hey, better this than a space to discuss the merits and opinions on Lemonade right?

      • AlmondJoy says:

        Lol yes Alex, over a decade old… I remember reading about this when I was still in high school in the early 2000s…

        TESE: that would be too much to ask for, wouldn’t it?

    • Magnoliarose says:

      This is fresh for me. I’m late to this story but it seems strange.

    • Meh says:

      Yeah but it really makes the line “ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks” sound different when you remember those rumors/conspiracy theories.

      • mee says:

        hmmm. creepy. it’s not only horrible, but um, criminal if true? what the wealthy get away with…

  7. Des says:

    Y’all should also know she’s a victim of sexual assault and a terrible childhood. Her introduction to sex was via rape as a child and when she managed to escape and ran away from her rapists, her alcoholic mother found her and called her a slut. I don’t shade her in any way for surviving the way she has.

    • Kitten says:

      No, but I do shade her for bragging about it.

      Seems a bit disrespectful not to mention unnecessary, particularly when there are kids involved.

      • Jaded says:

        Thank you Kitten – what happened to her is terrible and some women do grow up with issues after sexual abuse (*coughGiadaDeLaurentiscough*) but to brag all over the media about BJs in the back of a car or being everyone’s sidepiece who could get you a piece of the action is just plain revolting.

      • FingerBinger says:

        @kitten Unnecessary because it was 1 encounter 15 years to a guy that wasn’t married then.

      • Kitten says:

        @FingerBinger-Yes exactly why it’s weird that she feels the need to beat this dead horse. The affair with Method apparently went on for years though.

    • pinetree13 says:

      Wow that does make me have some more compassion for her. As I was definitely side-eyeing her for boasting about being with married men…but this does make me sympathize with her some more. Growing up like that would obviously damage your feelings of self-worth. Very sad.

    • K says:

      No that is terrible and my heart breaks for her in that situation. That being said just because something horrible happened to her doesn’t excuse all bad behavior or trying to get famous off of said bad behavior. Sorry but she serviced a guy she barely met in a car and then was forgotten now 20 years later brags like what she did was soemthing to be proud of same with her being a mistress. No it’s not! Have some self respect she deserved to be treated better then that all women do.

      Women can sleep with who they want but don’t let yourself be used and degraded and try to say your empowered your not.

  8. Fee says:

    Ohhh poor Becky, I must ask…where did Bey find the name Becky n referred. It to side piece. I have read some of her lyrics, where Bey matures then “bomb p u s s y ” wth? Sorry but I’m disgusted by lyrics I’d find her hubby rap about, she’s trying to be edgy n comes off fake. Enough w/ the Becky’s, some girl will end up hurt n sue her ass. She drops music,let’s people draw conclusions about her life n husband that she begs to keep private but won’t answerher own questions. Men cheat as women do, if its sorry Becky, then its a Lisa,Claudia et…. he’ll cheat no matter what n won’t change,if she can live with it then don’t write about it.trolling for attention is pathetic

    • V4Real says:

      “Enough w/ the Becky’s, some girl will end up hurt n sue her ass.”

      You probably won’t win a lawsuit because the name Becky is used as slang. If that’s the case then how many Felicia’s are going to sue for the slang term “Bye Felicia” or for the guys “Bye Lance.”

      • pinetree13 says:

        If anything John’s would have the best case since even the police in interviews will refer to men who purchase sex as “John’s”

    • The Eternal Side-Eye says:

      If you’re going to complain at least know like one fact, one fact to make it less obvious this isn’t about the song.

  9. mme says:

    Karrine Stefans aka Superhead (renowned for her blow jays) is on attention seeker I can’t get behind. Well, she got her attention now don’t I hope she’s happy. This woman also recently said that any guy she’s with, be it husband or boyfriend has to be okay with being second in her life cos Lil Wayne comes first. She then went on to say that she’ll always be booty-call ready for him even at midnight whether she’s married of not. What was the point of this essay; Nothing. But at least we’re talking about her. And there was the other time she said that Oprah was a hoe like she was

  10. paolanqar says:

    But why writing a letter now? Just for some attention and fame for all the wrong reasons?
    I don’t even know who this woman is but now she’s the one who gave a bj to jay Z.
    All these people playing martyrs for no reasons when Beyoncè drops a generic name and all women out there feel the need to give explanations when no one dragged them in the story whatsoever.
    Seriously, get over it. You were fine 15 years ago, there is no need to open the box now and tell us all the gross details.

  11. Amy Tennant says:

    Lemonade making some quite thirsty!

    • Meh says:

      Ehhh. If Jay-Z and Beyoncé are gonna bring in a bunch of money out of publicly discussing his affairs, why shouldn’t his side-pieces take advantage and make some money off it too?

  12. Luca76 says:

    Seriously are we pretending because Beyoncé is well Beyoncé that Jayz isn’t a dog of the highest order?

  13. HK9 says:

    While I admire Karrine’s hustle, (she’s been through more life by the time she was 13 than most people will go through in their entire lives) I think she’s reaching here. No one asked her anything, and to highlight her encounter with Jay Z at this point is old news.

  14. Daisyfly says:

    We’re not all Becky and we’re not all Beyonce. She willingly and gleefully slept with married men and then kicked her husband out for cheating. Girl, bye.

  15. The Eternal Side-Eye says:

    Oh Karinne, choosing to do nothing but bad karma and desperately seeking attention will have a horrible backlash one day.

    Good luck with your sad life.

  16. Grump says:

    Help me to understand this, all of this. For those of you who were in a relationship where you found out that he (or she) was dating someone else, or married, or anything like that…if you were able to leave, if the ‘cheating’ was actually cheating (and you weren’t in an open relationship or something like that), then why did you stay? I honestly don’t understand.
    I just…Ok, flat out, here goes:

    What the hell is wrong with these women? Blow some guy in the back of a car and it’s meaningful? (FYI, although she says they ‘feasted on their attraction for each other’ it sounds like only she was doing the ‘feasting’). Console your cheating partner about his upcoming marriage, to a woman you had know idea he was also seeing?
    Do these men have no scruples? No honesty or decency?
    Do these women have no sense of self-worth? Or, crikey, even some hobbies or friends? You know, there are other ways to spend a life than just picking the lowest hanging fruit which, frankly, I consider all these people to be.

    /end of rant

    • Wren says:

      I understand it. I don’t agree with it but I understand it.

      It’s not rational or even really all that explainable. She was in love with Method Man, and wanted to be with him. People do all kinds of strange things in the name of strong emotions. From the way she talks I don’t think she places a whole lot of emotional value in marriage. For her it sounds more like a business agreement; the woman who had his children deserved to be his wife because she was entitled to more support. Simple as that.

      We don’t know exactly why her own latest marriage broke down, it might not have been that cheating happened but how it happened that mattered to her. People have all kinds of weird rules, it might look the same on the outside but to those involved it isn’t.

      If she had been raised in a world where cheating was commonplace and fidelity was not something you could reasonably expect I can see how that would shape her. You have to look out for yourself because nobody else will, including your partner. Amber Rose embodies this mentality as well. For us it’s base and disgusting, but for many people that’s how life works.

      I’m not saying any of this to justify her behavior or claim she’s right to do what she does. It’s easy to say you would never do something, but putting that into practice is another beast entirely. Many of us would do the right thing, but I bet a good many others, forced to face giving up someone you love (which is very hard, don’t pretend otherwise) would take the easy way. Now imagine that you were raised in a world where the easy way isn’t even all that wrong or rare. That, to me, is the truly sad and wrong part of the whole thing.

  17. J-Who says:

    I wish I hadn’t read that.

  18. Tara says:

    Karrine takes herself too seriously and talks about how smart she is and how she’s a great writer. What happened to when she said she would stop fooling around with rappers? Then she continued with Lil Wayne and wrote a book about it. She wanted to flip out about her loser husband cheating on her, but it’s karma. What about all the times she knowingly was a Becky fooling around with married men just because they were famous? And if Jay Z cheated on Beyoncé, then I sure as hell wouldn’t stay with him. If a man has a Becky, you have to cut him loose. I’m sure Method Man is not going to be happy about this. He once called in a radio show mad that his name was even mentioned with Karrine, saying he didn’t even know this girl.

    • lurkingweirdo says:

      Yeah, she’s a great writer and super duper smart. Does she know a melee is a fight or skirmish and not a bj in the back of a MAYBACH? Dear thirsty lady with no moral compass, stop writing. Your thesaurus failed you. Signed, Real Writers Everywhere.

  19. Cran says:

    I hadn’t known of her horrible childhood. Have heard plenty of stories about super head. I cannot imagine what that does to a persons psyche as an adult. You will come out the other side but what that other side is? I cannot picture. I can understand her having some extremely frank conversations with her child. Her need to continue publicly share that she spent years giving men blow jobs in the back seats of cars and willingly being a sidepiece makes me wonder how her child feels. Her choice to disclose that information but it must provide for a different mother child relationship.

    As for Beyoncé and cuckholded spouses in general their anger should be directed at the cheating spouse. Unless the sidepiece has gone fatal attraction on you the real issue is that your SO has disrespected you and your relationship.

  20. frankie says:

    These women still stay though so why complain when nothing really changes

  21. tacos and tv says:

    i found the comment about lifting her head and wiping her lips extremely vulgar for some reason. Kind of made me a little sick. And her nickname is Superhead…? Man oh man. That’s like someone being nicknamed anal bead!

    • Kitten says:

      lol @ anal bead

    • Ankhel says:

      That nick name is a form of advert. It’s sad that she’s proud of it, I’d say she’s sexually traumatized. She obviously got so much video work because dozens of rappers knew she was readily available to them, once they gave her money. Karinne has to change her MO now, she’s too old to live like that. She looks foolish, talking about her services as if they were spontaneous, glamorous moments of passion, or loving relationships.

      • pinetree13 says:

        Agree with everything you said. I think she was traumatized and thus was proud of being ‘superhead’ after all, if you’re taught your worth is only sexual wouldn’t you feel proud to be the best at your ‘craft’. Now that she is a mother, she needs to realize that she was used and abused. She should pursue her writing but in a different way. So her child can see what she overcame…rather then staying stuck here.

    • drnotknowitall says:

      It is because it was vulgar and totally unnecessary. She calls it mutual attraction but I think it was casting couch business. Mutual attraction usually involves both people having a good time. Not one providing the other with quickie services in the back of a car.

  22. Veronica says:

    It kind of speaks volumes about our culture that so much of the dialogue surrounds “Becky” rather than the generations of men who degrade the women in their life and teach their daughters to tolerate the same – which to me was the core message of Lemonade. “Daddy Lessons” is a rather haunting song when you consider what it’s saying about the messages daughters internalize about their worth as women from watching their father’s behavior in contrast to what is actually taught.

    • notsoanonymous says:

      Yes to all of this.

    • The Eternal Side-Eye says:

      Perfectly said.

    • drnotknowitall says:

      I have had choices put before me and I have never followed the Becky path. Being a strong feminist means realizing that women have the ability to also make really bad decisions. That is not to say there are girls and women who are abused and follow a pattern set for them. But we are talking about something else entirely here. We are talking about women making choices and sometimes making the wrong ones. It takes two to tango. Unless there is violence, drugs, or some other abuse or coercion involved, cheating is a party with several players – both of whom should take the blame.

  23. Sarah01 says:

    Whenever Beyoncé releases a song / Album there is always controversy, her and Jay Z are all about the money! They are good at masterminding pr to serve their purpose and make them money. It’s not genuine at all.
    She has nice hair!

  24. drnotknowitall says:

    This woman could have had a really strong piece about how men and women have at times in their life been both a Becky (or Buck?) and a wife (husband). Instead she littered her essay with way TMI related to her Jay hookup (I need to wash my eyes out after reading that) and crazy conspiracy theories about how one of his mistresses was murdered. Just file this in the thirsty file.