Back in the first flush of The Glorious Tiddlebanging of 2016, we heard an odd story. The story came from the lower-rent British papers, and they claimed that Tom Hiddleston was being considered to replace Calvin Harris as the new face/crotch of Armani. Calvin had gotten his Armani underwear gig around the same time that he started up with Taylor Swift, and the Armani gig seemingly ended around the same time that Calvin and Taylor ended, almost as if “an Armani contract” was part of the overall contract of dating Taylor Swift. It was likely just coincidence though, just as it was coincidence that Hiddles was reportedly up for an Armani contract as soon as the Tiddlebanging started. Well, funny story: Tom Hiddleston Tiddlebanged his way out of being cool enough to represent Armani, apparently.
Tom Hiddleston’s brief hopes of becoming the face of Armani have hit the rocks already – after his embarrassing shows of affection for new love Taylor Swift. The Night Manager star was being considered as a replacement for DJ Calvin Harris , who promoted the Italian label’s winter collection. But sources say fashion bosses have gone cold on Hiddleston after his recent run of cringeworthy public displays of affection. The 35-year-old actor began dating Shake It Off singer Swift just weeks after her split from Harris – and executives now fear they could be seen to be cashing in on the break-up.
A US fashion source said: “Tom was on the shortlist as they examined who could take over from Calvin. Obviously with Tom now being Taylor’s other half and the Calvin past deal, it would generate huge media coverage and headlines. But Armani see themselves as classier than that and think that a rising sports star may suit their current needs better. Armani would hate to be seen as getting PR for their brand by riding on Taylor Swift’s coat tails, so Tom will not get the job.”
The source added: “While Tom is without doubt one of the sexiest actors of his generation, he may not be the right fit this time. The brand is looking at attracting 30-somethings and under, so Tom may be a little too old.”
I thought the whole story of “Tom + Armani” was pretty random in general, but I’ll believe that Tom was maybe on Armani’s shortlist at some point. But yeah, the Tiddlebanging ruined it. I suspect the Tiddlebanging will be ruining a lot of opportunities for Tom. Also: “Tom may be a little old” – OUCH. Dear Armani: might I interest you in a LeBron James, perhaps? Or a Chiwetel Ejiofor? Or maybe Chadwick Boseman? Those three men could sell Armani really well.
Also – an Aussie newspaper ran this op-ed where the author is basically saying that Tiddles is the worst and they need to stop.
Photos courtesy of Mona Kuhn/W Magazine.