The absolute funniest video I have watched all month is not Keyboard Gato (though I have watched that 31 times since I discovered it a few hours ago). No, Keyboard Gato hangs his sombrero-adorned head in shame when you show him the most amazing video: an interview with Miley Cyrus’ boyfriend Justin Gaston. Gaston, not surprisingly, is incredibly stupid. In a “Zoolander” sort of way, where you think, “No one could possibly be this sort of stereotypically male model dumb unless someone is writing lines for him.” I mean he is wet-your-pants funny. But absolutely not trying to be. I cannot believe Details didn’t put him up to it: but we clearly are witnessing Justin’s natural stupidity.

Justin starts off by singing us a little of John Lennon’s “Jealous Guy,” complete with a deeply confused thinking face. A few more gems:

Details: Who would you want to play you in a movie?
Gaston: I think if Ashton Kutcher played me, he would be probably a funnier me. He’s a pretty funny guy. But I’m gonna say Johnny Depp. Just ‘cause I really like Johnny Depp and we’re just gonna be crazy like, Johnny Depp’s gonna play like an older me. Like me when I’m older. ‘Cause he’s a really cool actor. Then I’ll seem really cool.

Details: Who would you want to trade places with?
Gaston: I’d like to be one of those little – you know – little lap dogs that just get petted all day… is that weird?

Gaston: I’m going to be honest with you, I have, like, nightmares about the paparazzi. I was going to Tweet about it the other day, but I thought people would be mean to me. Which they often are. I don’t know why. Please don’t be mean to me on Twitter. I’m just a guy. Just a guy with a dream. I don’t know what that means… I always have these flashing things in my dreams. I don’t know why. They’re so scary.

Details: Favorite piece of clothing from the shoot?
Gaston: My little white shirt. Because obviously I love white shirts, but this one, was, I think God wove it, and then he sent it down through his angels to me today, because it was amazing. It felt like what I imagine heaven feels like.”

[From Details video]

Interestingly the sermon at my church this past Sunday was “If God were a tailor… he’d make heavenly shirts for Justin Gaston.” And it turns out it’s not a metaphor, God really does send angels to Justin bearing white tees. He doesn’t do it for anyone else though. Just Justin. Why? Well aside from nailing Miley Cyrus, Justin also has a tattoo:

…that runs down to the top of his buttock. “It’s Psalm 7:8, ‘Judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness,'”… “I don’t want to be judged—so I put it on my body in an attempt to become that bold.”

[From Details]

I think Justin misinterpreted that Psalm a little bit. But hey, what can we expect from a guy with the depth to deeply admire Ashton Kutcher and beg us not to be mean to him on Twitter? You’ve got a real winner there Miley. Don’t let this heavenly show horse get away from you.