I love Thursdays. Why? Not because they’re a day off from Friday. I mean that’s fine, but insignificant. At least when compared to Gwyneth Paltrow. As all things are. Thursdays are amazing because they are little mini-passive-aggressive holidays –Gwynnie sends out her weekly Goop email. I know that whatever else happens throughout my week, I am guaranteed some entertainment come this day. That’s why Friday almost seems like a letdown: six more days until Goop Day.

This week, Gwyneth is helping us nourish our inner aspect by talking about addiction. Gwyneth, of course, has no addictions. This would require some admission of imperfection. And Gwyneth is nothing if not stick straight and perfect. But she is fine writing a little intro paragraph with some subtly passive-aggressive judgments of others and their addictions – before offering some incredibly lengthy essays about addiction from her favorite gurus, “sages,” and experts.

Have you ever loved somebody who drinks until their usually charming personality is usurped by a monster? Or discovered that someone you adore is throwing up after every meal? Or wondered if you are stuck in a feedback loop of tension and unrest because you need the adrenaline of stress to function? How do we become enslaved by addiction? What is addiction? Below the sages weigh in….

Love,
Gwyneth”

[From Goop]

Hmm, I wonder who Gwyneth may have adored until she found out she was throwing up after every meal? Could it be none other than Chipmunk Cheeks Trainer to the Stars Tracey Anderson? Tracy’s obvious bulimia is hard to ignore. Not only does she have a child’s body, but she espouses an 800 calorie a day diet. Bulimics often get those chipmunk cheeks because their salivary glands permanently expand from throwing up all the time. Tracy also once admitted she likes to gorge on cookies, and told “Hello!” that she dips Oreos into Pillsbury icing. Does she look like she has a body that would let her get away with that?

I don’t give Gwyneth credit for much, but if she finally figured out that Tracy’s not the guru of physical fitness she thought she was, good for her. Hey, that is the first positive Gwyneth sentence I think I’ve ever written. Tracy’s tactics are downright dangerous – and when I look at her squatty, shapeless body, I can’t understand why anyone would pay good money to look like her. Tracy’s website has her in a bunch of ridiculous “hot” model/stripper poses. She’s still dropping Gwyneth’s name like it’s hot, but maybe Gwyneth’s little dig means she’s finally seeing Tracy for who she is.

Here’s Miss Goop arriving at Claridges Hotel in London on March 13th. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.