It’s amusing to me to see all of the interest in Pippa Middleton’s wedding to Terribly Rich James Matthews. Most of the interest is on the periphery characters of this little wedding scene, like Pippa’s sister, the Duchess of Cambridge, and Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. So I thought we would focus on the bride for a moment. Let’s do this with Pippa Tips!
Pippa Tip #1: Many people enjoy a post-wedding holiday called a “honeymoon.” Sex is usually had on one’s honeymoon.
I forgot to even wonder about where Pippa and Terribly Rich James would even go for their honeymoon, but it seems they probably won’t go far. Reportedly, Pippa and James will probably go his family’s 10,000-acre estate in Scotland. The Glen Affric estate has apparently already been “booked” for a week before and after the wedding, and a friend said: “Pippa has been on lots of visits to Scotland – it is like a second home to her. She loves the outdoors and sense of freedom. She also has lots of friends in the Highlands. She is quite a country girl and loves the Scottish countryside. It will be part of their honeymoon; it gives them peace, space, privacy and some of the best scenery in the world. What more could you want?” If you thought that read like a Middleton-approved advertisement for Glen Affric – which is available for bookings! – then you are probably correct. Plus, the Middletons love to bill Kate and Pippa as “just country girls,” like they just stepped out of a Jane Austen novel. They are Bucklebury’s “local beauties” in need of men of means.
Pippa Tip #2: Don’t worry about alienating your groom’s family, it’s not like that could come back to haunt you. If they don’t have a royal title, they don’t matter!
Apparently, Terrible Rich James’ family is not allowed to stay with the Middleton clan for the wedding festivities. The Middletons insisted on hosting the wedding reception at their sprawling manor in Bucklebury, but the Matthews family has to stay at a hotel miles away. The excuse being given is that William, Kate, their kids and possibly Harry and Meghan are all staying with the Middletons. So… no room for James’ family. A source told the Daily Express: “As well as hosting the reception at Bucklebury Manor, the Middletons have got Pippa staying there the night before the wedding along with William, Kate and the children so it’s going to be pretty chaotic. James’s parents are hoteliers themselves so they are more than happy being put up elsewhere. They also understand the need for privacy with two future kings and Prince Harry staying with the Middletons. Everyone will be able to make it to the church on time because Land Rover are apparently providing all the transport.” Um, is Pippa’s wedding sponsored by Land Rover???
Pippa Tip #3: Make sure your Terribly Rich Fiancé is actually terribly rich.
According to the Daily Mail, Terribly Rich James Matthews has had to give himself a pay cut at the hedge fund he started and operates: “He has been forced to slash his own earnings by a wince-making sum of almost £370,000 after profits fell at his hedge fund firm. It left him with just under £200,000 in his annual pay packet.” Poor Pippa – the Middletons always made it clear that she was “settling” for someone who was merely rich (as opposed to rich and titled) and now it’s looking like Terribly Rich James is merely Moderately Wealthy James.
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.