Kristen Bell is a real hustler. She’s always promoting some partnership with a product/brand and she seems to give interviews constantly. She’s good at being quotable too, I’ll definitely give her that. On one hand she has worked hard to shield her daughters, Lincoln, four, and Delta, two, from public view and from the paparazzi but on the other she gives very good quotes about specific ways she and her husband, Dax Shepard, are raising them. I don’t think those two things are necessarily incompatible but some people find it hypocritical. Anyway Bell was promoting her Neutrogena deal on The Today show (she also has a deal with Tide) when she explained that she loves hearing advice from other parents. She then gave advice about dealing with her children’s emotions and not telling them everything is ok when they don’t feel ok. At least she’s not hypocritical about advice.
On taking advice
I’m really good at taking advice because I believe that I should take any and all advice out there, and it is up to me to decide what’s useful. So, for example, I look into Montessori teaching and Waldorf teaching, and the MUSE School that James Cameron started, and all of these different methods of learning — and I read “The Danish Way of Parenting” — and then I look at my kids and I see what can apply and be useful.I am a parent that actually loves to hear advice from other mothers. I don’t care if your filter is judgmental or altruistic — I still want to hear it because it may be valuable to me.
On not telling her kids “it’s ok” when they feel bad
I stopped saying, “It’s OK,” to anything in their lives. My older daughter gets embarrassed a lot, and I don’t say, “It’s OK. It’s OK.” I simply sit next to her and I say, “Do you feel embarrassed?” And she’ll say, “Yes.” And I say, “I feel embarrassed, too, sometimes. Sometimes I trip and I feel embarrassed or I break a bowl and I feel embarrassed. I used to feel embarrassed a lot more as a kid, but as you become an adult, some of that stuff goes away.So, I allow them to have their feelings — because I think saying, “It’s OK,” all the time doesn’t do anyone any favors. It just makes them subconsciously think that they’re not supposed to be having those feelings.
That’s a hard one, not telling your kid that things are fine and it’s going to work out ok. You just want them to feel better but it is important to acknowledge why they’re upset to and to show them you understand. She said she will send them to their room if they’re having a tantrum and ruining dinner, for instance. She sounds very Type A and extra, which is ok and she owns it, that’s just an impression I’ve had of her for some time. It probably takes one to know one. As for advice from other parents, I will ask for it sometimes but I don’t want people telling me what to do with my kid. Usually it’s the know-it-all types who think they know what’s best for your family and your situation. If it’s a close friend or family member that’s a different story.
These are photos of Bell at an event for Baby2Baby sponsored by TinyPrints. Credit: Getty. One photo credit: WENN
It’s really hard to give yourself permission to feel what you do, in that moment. How we behave within that feeling can be moderated, but denying how we feel leads to so many issues- one of which is not being able to accurately access what you are even feeling in the first place.
It’s a daily struggle 🙁
Yay! Well done Kirsten. That’s so important for children to not begin repressing their feelings at a early age.
She told her daughter it’s OK, she just didn’t use those words. She tried to normalize the experience of being embarrassed byw explaining how she gets embarrassed too. I’m sure that was comfort to her daughter.
I do not understand where the idea that reassuring your children is causing them to “repress their feelings.” It is kind to reassure children that it is okay and everything will be okay, and I don’t know about her kids, but mine get so quickly bent out of shape that you have to soothe them down a little – “It’s okay!” – before we can talk feelings.
Except when things are not okay, and you can’t predict the future to know if things are okay, or if in their minds, it’s not okay.
Like, as an adult, you can know it’s okay because in the grand scheme, it’s not that big a deal. But to them, it is because they are kids. They don’t process like an adult (for the most part).
Label what they are feeling so in the future, they recognize accurately what they are feeling. Use real words, not blanket “okays”. Also, everyone needs validation that what they are feeling is recognized for what it is. Not just anger/sad/frustrated, etc but pride/elation/joy, etc.
I don’t think she talking about a quick “it’s okay!” to calm, like in your example. Some give a pat, and it’s okay, and leave it without the rest of the conversation.
Hope that helps.
Validing children’s feeling is so important. What’s wrong with telling a child it’s ok that their feeling sad, worried, happy, excited and more. One thing I hate is when someone is upset adult or child and someone said she “don’t cry!”. If you upset and need to cry go ahead!
Its not bad to tell them things can get better. But a blanket “things will be okay” is vague and not therapeutic at all. Validating their feelings in the moment AND soothing them is the best course of option. It also teaches kids to identify what their emotions are and proper regulation
I know she’s not super popular around here, but I respect the hustle and can’t help but like her.
I like her. Always have and I think she’s a good actress.
Good for you, kristen, for validating your kids.
There still isn’t enough of it going around.
It is amazing how she has turned a second career into the one thing that she complained about. Amazing. She gets no pass.
she’s insufferable.
There’s a difference between choosing what to share and having some creep standing around in a park trying to take photo of your family. I’ve said this before – Dax was molested as a child. They’re doing what they can to protect their kids, and allow them to be kids. That doesn’t mean that you can’t share anecdotes about your kids, or under situations where there’s consent given and things are safe have them in front of a camera. There’s a difference between a mother sharing stories and some creepy pap following and shouting at celebrity children so they can make get a good photo.
yeah, except most pap shots are not incidental and either the actors or their pr are totally on it. i literally don’t understand how in this day and age people still believe celebs are unwillingly followed by the paps.
I agree, Erinn, talking about your parenting style is very different than have paparazzi stalking your kids.
I know a lot of people here wave it off and claim either these 2 aren’t popular enough for paparazzi or that celebrities call them themselves anyway, but Dax wrote a nice piece about it explaining what was happening to them with paparazzi and addressing such points.
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4698061
agree if you don’t want pictures taken of your children and you ask for someone not to take pictures – your wishes should be respected.
but yeah, she’s hustling her kids ALL the time.
ffs, talk about your own skin or your own dirty laundry if that’s what your selling.
hope for the sake of her children they grow up without any “messy problems” because she continually creates an appetite for information regarding her kids, which she readily feeds. and because of her chosen profession and her non-stop sharing, people are going to pay attention.
including the creeps. that now know one of her kids is easily embarrassed. because she told everyone that would listen.
she could have promoted that parenting skill without divulging specifics (by saying she empathizes with whatever particular feeling a child has) but she is still inviting the world (via her tremendous platform) into their lives. which she says she does not want.
I like her and remember reading about a Sesame Street piece that was vetoed by the show’s child psychologist exactly because the grown up kept assuring Big Bird that he was okay and not to worry. You have to acknowledge the child’s feelings before you can start dealing with the situation.
….” loves hearing advice from other parents”…
The only advice I take is from s.o. where I can see the results (I know the children in question)
And from friends, who don’t sugarcoat or bullsh*t me with unbelievable achievements.
I’ve always done this with my spawn and have encouraged patients to do this as well. Validate their feelings, commiserate with them if you can, but it HAS to be genuine. They will survive without too many platitudes and probably have a healthy reaction to stressors in the future.