Duchess Kate is on the cover of People Mag’s big Pippa-Wedding issue: LOL?

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People Magazine is trying to kill me! First, they made me laugh by putting the Duchess of Cambridge on their cover for their big story about… Pippa Middleton’s wedding. Ouch! That’ll show you, Pippa. American markets really don’t give a sh-t about Pippa, that’s what People Magazine is saying. But then People Mag made my eye twitch with the headline: “Why Pippa Middleton Did Not Want a ‘Royal’ Wedding — and How She Got Her ‘Dream’.” Are we still supposed to buy that Pippa is just a shy Austen heroine, a local beauty who never expected or wanted any attention at all? I guess we’re supposed to believe that. And I’m sure someone’s buying it. Here are some highlights from People’s story:

Pippa’s dream wedding. “This is the wedding Pippa and James dreamed of,” a close source tells PEOPLE in this week’s cover story. “They said all along they wanted it to be a private family wedding at home in the beautiful countryside with their closest friends and family.”

Kate recited a prayer at the church service: “Grace of God, spirit of life and love, we ask your blessings for Pippa and James and their life together,” the royal mom, 35, read to the congregation. The couple’s wedding program featured a sketch of the church drawn by Kate herself: “It is beautiful,” says a local. “Really stunning.”

The luncheon food. The lunch was held at “nearby Englefield House… where they dined on mini haggis, deer carpaccio with mushroom, fresh langoustine claws and asparagus with Hollandaise sauce.” A local says, “You could see everyone was thrilled to bits.”

At the evening reception. Guests sipped champagne while watching a light show filled with projections of Middleton and Matthews’s love story on the side of the Middleton family home. And tennis pro Roger Federer took on William and Harry in a doubles game of Ping-Pong.

[From People]

Deer carpaccio??? Good lord. Mini haggis? Yikes. I’m shocked that Kate didn’t make her famous chutney. As for the sketch Kate drew for the program, that news came out a few days ago – you can see an angle of the program here. I guess Kate is still artistic, or at least she tries. Her photography is pretty bad and she loves adult coloring books, so yeah.

The wedding of Pippa Middleton and James Matthews

The wedding of Pippa Middleton and James Matthews

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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111 Responses to “Duchess Kate is on the cover of People Mag’s big Pippa-Wedding issue: LOL?”

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  1. alfaQ says:

    Carole calling PM: “Please put my daughter the future Queen on the cover. Thank you.”

    • sondag says:

      and Pippa even hired showbiz PR ,,,lol,

      “TWITTER: ……………
      RICHARD PALMER: RoyalReporter: “The couple’s decision to employ an obstructive and unhelpful Showbiz PR meant papers had to be more resourceful. P & J lost control imho.”
      quote:;………………..

    • Hope there was lots of champagne for the thirsty couple.

  2. Jenns says:

    That’s funny. Although I can see why Kate is on the cover. Pippa is not a royal. And really, who is she beside Kate’s sister?

    • sondag says:

      exactly, PEOPLE loves to play up the Middleton’s as Royal.

      I think Simon Perry who was on the scene was getting some good inside leaks, He said at one point he was going in, but I think he was joking about that part. BUT I think he has had a relationship w the Middleton’s for awhile. Also with KP when they want to leak something positive for William or Kate.

    • Zaratustra says:

      I think People Mag did play down Pippa. It was Pipp’s big day but her sister got the cover. Not even Pipp’s name in bold letters on the cover.

      • sondag says:

        True. Kate got the cover, and George sells more than any of them supposedly.
        Kate and the kids together sells too I would imagine.

        Pippa, not so much .

  3. Miss E says:

    People magazine will put your sister on the cover as revenge for not selling them your reception photos.

    • sondag says:

      LOL

    • MinnFinn says:

      Their florist posted photos of the decorated glass marquee on instagram. They’ve been taken down but not before Daily Mail and a few others snagged them and posted them on their own websites. The glass house flower arrangments were gorgeous.

      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4535470/First-photos-Pippa-s-flowers-100-000-glass-marquee.html

      • sondag says:

        With Pippa’s permission and phone calls to the Daily Mail, I’m sure, lol

        Something about It still looks like a reality show Real housewives or Kardashian reception to me,, even though the flowers and trees are beautiful.

      • Millenial says:

        Damn! Full sized cherry trees in the glass house. That is gorgeous. Stunning, realy. And those reception chairs are like Chiavari chairs on steroids (and I thought Chiavari chairs were the most expensive you could get at $8/pop — guess you can tell I’m from a small town!)

        But…. it also seems way over-the-top and ridiculous. Like, it looks like it should be Ivanka Trump’s wedding reception. I can’t see the Middleton’s having THAT much money, you know? Because that looks like it cost an insane amount of money.

        And, yeah, no more comments about a Pippa wanting a “small, private” wedding.

      • MinnFinn says:

        @sondag, It does look like a reality show. It makes me wonder what the weddings of the wealthiest aristos in the UK are like i.e. if they thought Pippa’s was overdone. But then I remembered that when the Duke of Westminster’s kid turned 21, they had a huge bash including an A-list musician. So maybe excess is OK in their set as long as it’s in a private setting?

        I also noted that one of the gossip mags covering the wedding called James a billionaire.

      • MinnFinn says:

        @Millennial – I have said it before, but since Pippa wanted excess, she should have gotten married at Versailles like Kim and Kanye did. It can be rented.

  4. Zondie says:

    Who makes slideshows for a wedding? Is that a thing? I have only seen them at graduation and 50th birthday parties. And projecting the images on the side of the house seems amateur for such a fancy event.

    • Bitsy says:

      I once went to a wedding with slide show, video, and emotional pat on the back afterwards. It. Was. So. Bad.

    • Originaltessa says:

      It’s pretty common in the US, even amongst the classy folks, for a fun slideshow of the couple, as children and growing in their relationship together, to be shown at the rehearsal dinner or running somewhere on loop at the reception. Usually put to music, less than 5 minutes long. Made one for my sister and her husband years ago for the rehearsal dinner. It was a big hit.

    • bluhare says:

      Lots of people do. Most of them don’t project them on the side of a building though.

    • Esmom says:

      It seems slideshows are a thing for just about any event these days. I was at a wake where they had one playing in a loop while we waited over two hours in a very long line to greet the deceased’s family.

      • sondag says:

        The reception although florals were stunning, lovely, seemed like a tad British Kardashian imo,

      • hmmm says:

        The florals at the reception were reminiscent of the K wall of flowers, except with trees and roses. You couldn’t even see the guest across from you.

    • Cynical Ann says:

      They do them at bar mitzvah parties too. My husband flat out refused to do one at our kid’s. He said they’re self indulgent and boring. My feeling is short and sweet is best.

    • hmmm says:

      Endless narcissism, IMO.

    • fiorucci says:

      Very common in Canada at the weddings I’ve been to!

      • vauvert says:

        I haven’t been at a wedding in a while, LOL but luckily for me, none of the ones I attended (mine included) had this kind of tacky display. Our dads included a very brief anecdote in their speeches. That was more than enough:-)
        Those who knew you as a kid / teen, remember, and those who didn’t… well they don’t give a damn. It’s just so narcissistic and I guess encourage by the wedding industry that keeps wanting to make these events bigger and more expensive at any cost. And people keep paling for it.
        Obviously the very wealthy (or is he) James and the rest of them can pay for any of this crap if they want, including horse drawn carriages (I know, there wasn’t one) and upscale port-a-potties and that disgusting sounding menu, (haggis, really? ) but at the end of the day it is an exercise in narcissistic indulgence – oh look, we’re celebrating our lifetime commitment (or until someone richer / younger / prettier comes along) with a very expensive extravaganza. look at US!

      • Dolittle says:

        Exactly.

        Sad too, nothing in the carol the Wisteris sisters middletons kids selfish lives, show any hope -care for ourfellow humanity, the global issues of the less fortunate/ needy.

  5. Birdix says:

    At the risk of being labeled a sugar, I think it’s sweet she put her sister’s drawing on the program.

    • bluhare says:

      I think so too.

      One lump or two? ;)

      • MarloyTiana says:

        What’s a sugar?

      • Nanc says:

        I liked that, too. And since when is Kate’s photography “bad”? Didn’t she take the official pictures of the children? I still remember the first one of Charlotte; it was lovely and well-framed.

        That said, HILARIOUS that Pippa didn’t get the cover for her own wedding. *wicked titter*

      • bluhare says:

        MarloyTiana, a sugar is a derogatory term for a fan. Antonym is a hater.

    • Geranium says:

      I think she took a photo and put it through one of those Apps to convert it to a sketch…

      • Lizabeth says:

        Me too! Although she might have then copied the converted sketch in pencil to make it appear original.

      • jwoolman says:

        Or maybe she actually learned how to sketch. The straight lines of a church would be easier than many other things.

        Drawing is more learning to see than anything else. Even I can draw realistically if I focus on it, trying to draw what I’m actually seeing rather than following school conventions. If Kate learned that trick, she wouldn’t need an app.

    • Tanya says:

      Stop trying to make “sugar” happen. lol

  6. Alleycat says:

    I love this private and small wedding cost more than 500,000 pounds. And that Pippa hired PR just because she didn’t want it to be like a royal wedding. Right. Are we supposed to be making fun of Kate because she likes coloring books?

    • hmmm says:

      After the Everest of lies that went down before the wedding, who wants to believe anything they say now? And who is this ‘local’ with the insider info?

  7. sondag says:

    Even after Pippa hired a “Showbiz PR” team to handle the wedding. Kate still got the cover.
    I think Princess Charlotte is adorable she seems to just do her own thing, no matter whatever else is going on. She and Prince George are sweethearts.

    TWITTER: ……………
    RICHARD PALMER: RoyalReporter: “The couple’s decision to employ an obstructive and unhelpful Showbiz PR meant papers had to be more resourceful. P & J lost control imho.”
    quote:;………………..

    • Geranium says:

      Oooh that’s very snarky from Richard Paalmer!!!!

      • sondag says:

        He wanted it known Mr and Mrs We Want a Private Wedding…… had a “SHOWBIZ “PR TEAM!

        lol

    • Bridget says:

      Judging from how incorrect most of the leaks that came out beforehand were, I’m guessing that was the entire point of the PR person – to lock stuff down. No commentary here on whether it was a good move or a bad one.

  8. minx says:

    I’ve ignored People since they went easy on the Duggars.

    • sondag says:

      I’ve ignored them since the year Kate started dating William, and it became Kate, Middleton central and all they do now is seem to spout celebrity PR teams messages, not worth the read.

    • Susan says:

      Same!

    • Cynical Ann says:

      I think the rise of the internet celebrity sites like this one have really led to their demise. To me, it’s an Old Person magazine. Like my 75 year old mom will flip through it. She doesn’t get that if it’s a celebrity feature it’s literally dictated by the person’s publicist. And the “human interest” stories are stupid.

    • Hazel says:

      Yeah, their promotion of the Duggars was it for me.

    • Lady D says:

      I gave up on People when they started publishing Kelly Rutherford’s lies.

  9. Ramona Q. says:

    The entire lunch menu sounds too rich and quite disgusting. Is that what wealthy English people eat at weddings? Someone please advise.

    • Lucy says:

      was wondering the same thing, very heavy food.

    • Zondie says:

      I would be as thin as Kate and Pippa if this is an example of English Upper Class cuisine. Lol

    • Geranium says:

      I think it was probably a champagne and finger food reception and everyone went to the pub afterwards for some real food!

  10. YannaJ says:

    I’m sorry but that menu sounds so unappetizing. Deer carpaccio?? Seriously?

    The wedding is as beautiful but nothing that deserves a People cover.

    • bluhare says:

      Probably shot and dressed by the bride and groom.

    • punkprincessphd says:

      Now admittedly I’m vegan, so clearly not an expert on meat things, but surely it’s called venison, not “deer”? Like, you wouldn’t say the guests dined on shredded pig or cow crostini … although maybe that’s more accurate! Sounds like they were trying to be twee with the menu: a hunting reference, the haggis as a nod to Scotland.

  11. L84Tea says:

    That picture of Pippa and James just kills me because it’s actually a beautiful shot with them standing in the flower arch with the kids in front of them, but Kate’s presence in the photo just ruins it!!

    • Susan says:

      I’ve been wondering why no one has pointed this out more. All I can see is that Kate ruined an otherwise almost perfect picture. Does this mean that Pippa and James never got a photo of themselves kissing under the arch without her? That sucks.

      • argonaut says:

        given that they’d otherwise be standing in front of a dark background, they can easily have the photos edited to remove her

    • Cerys says:

      My thoughts exactly. For someone who allegedly didn’t want to upstage her sister, she managed to get herself in the background of almost every press picture.

    • addie says:

      Kate was looming everywhere on the pretense of wrangling the 8 small children. She hovered (as usual) over Charlotte, often taking her aside and sometimes out of the pictures. Many pics show 7 kids. But no way was Kate managing all 8 of them; she was her usual self-interested Kate, looking for the photo ops for herself while steering her own kids so that there was limited access to them for photographers or where she was with them. There was another 2.5 year old girl in the party so I could understand if Kate had taken care of the youngest of the group. But no. I wonder if Pips is not a little fed up: paying all that money for her Great Day and attention only to see Kate get a cover. Again. I find these two women just appalling creatures.

  12. Brittney B. says:

    I also attended a May 20 wedding this weekend! It was actually a three-day series of Hindu ceremonies that ended with a wedding and reception on Saturday. I’m white and American, but after attending two Indian weddings in one year, I don’t think I’ll ever look at these church ceremonies the same way.

    Pippa looks beautiful. I hope this day was joyous. But comparing the pictures & menus & details from both events is night and day!! Western weddings are so colorless and bland, aren’t they? This white dress is flattering, but seeing my friend in her red and gold, beaded, tiered gown from India…? it actually felt like a once-in-a-lifetime moment. (And those curries and sweets didn’t require the deaths of gorgeous deer… or cows or pigs, for that matter.)

    • Zaratustra says:

      Curries and sweets require the death of a lot of insects and rodents like mice ;-) I doubt a pig’ life or a cow’s life are worth more than the lives of insects and rodents.

      • LAK says:

        What?!?!?!

      • LA Elle says:

        LAK: Someone has been trolling comment sections all week with similar comments. There was one on Monday on the Jenna Dewan article.

      • jwoolman says:

        So you don’t travel by car or other vehicle? Kills a lot of birds and insects. Just breathing in can kill insects (hence the mouth coverings of strict Jainists). Walking likewise. At some point we need to just do our best to minimize harm and let it go.

        My cats mainly practice deterrence with the local rodent population. But if some sad soul does get killed, it’s much kinder than what humans do to them. An experienced cat kills very quickly.

        Then of course there are cats who don’t really kill but assume the rodent is a new playmate…. Junior Cat is quite gentle but I think the rodents would rather not play tag even though she schedules frequent time-outs. One mouse came straight up to me, begging to be rescued, and even walked into the bag I offered without any hesitation. Usually it’s more difficult to convince them that I’m a fellow veggie and no threat and just want to get them safely outside the catproof fence.

    • It’s quite nice to celebrate one culture’s traditions/customs without putting down another’s. I’ve only seen pics of Indian weddings but they are quite stunning.

    • LA Elle says:

      I went to school with a girl who was from a very traditional Indian family and all she wanted was a low-key Western wedding. She hated the pageantry of traditional Hindu weddings. I remember being like: But they look so fun! And her response was: do you know how big my family is? Try going to more than one a year and see how much you enjoy having days of your life taken from you.

      It’s funny how differently we perceive the familiar versus the new.

      I’ve since lost touch with her. I occasionally wonder if she’s married and what the wedding ended up being.

  13. Maria says:

    Maybe Hello Mag will put Pippa on their cover.
    Not a single pic of Meghan at the wedding. I read that she wore a black dress with a white jacket.
    Any truth to that?
    The menu sounds too rich for my taste. Supposed to reflect the groom’s Scottish heritage.

    • sarri says:

      Sounds like the outfit she wore at Ascot.

      • Andrea says:

        I think her dress was deep purple a shade maybe deeper than lavender, this is based on her earrings she’s wearing. When the light hits it the color looks maroone

    • carolind says:

      I heard Meghan wore a maroon backless dress. I doubt if she would have worn a jacket except for travelling.

  14. Zaratustra says:

    I think that People magazine did stick it to the Middletons and their endless self-promotion.

    Pippa never marketed herself as shy country beauty but she tried to market herself as a sports-food-guru fun girl with an upper-class aristocratic touch. Pippa did totally want a “grand society wedding” as everybody who puts up a grand plastic palace in his parents garden wants a big wedding. Everbody who does pap strolls and shows off her ring to the papparazzi wants her wedding to be spread over several pages of a “clahhssy magazine”, preferably Tatler or Harper’s Bazaar or Vogue. But People Mag did help to turn that around. They put Kate on the cover despite Kate’s best efforts to look un-fashionable and grandma-like. But people magazine nevertheless put Kate on the cover and only a small pic of Pipps and her wedding gear – bless People Mag!

    “… dined on mini haggis, deer carpaccio with mushroom, fresh langoustine claws and asparagus with Hollandaise sauce.” A local says, “You could see everyone was thrilled to bits.”

    Was that a back-handed compliment by the local? Deer and carpaccio don’t mix. Nor do langoustine claws and aspargus. Nor does deer and aspargus. And haggis? Haggis consists of intestines – depends on the recipe in question. How does that fit in with deer carpaccio and langoustine claws?

    Btw. what was the dessert? And the wedding cake? Or is that the next story?

  15. bread says:

    Did they photoshop off some of her blush for the cover?

    • Original T.C. says:

      Yes. Totally photoshopped her for the People cover. I actually feel bad for Pippa. They could have given her the cover and have Kate and the kids get the side inserts.

      • sondag says:

        If Pippa had a released a photo of she and James standing with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, inside the reception, they may have given her the cover!!! LOL

        lol

  16. sondag says:

    Photoshopped for sure. Her skin is not great.

  17. Canadi-Anne says:

    Why are we not discussing the most interesting part of this People article? Roger Federer took on Wills and Harry in doubles ping pong?! Who was their 4th? Did RFed play them 2 against 1? Who won? What was the score? I have questions that need answers, People!

    • LAK says:

      Tim Henman. Allegedly

      I guess TH hasn’t been a star since he was the great British hope. Noone remembers him now that Andy Murray has scaled such dizzy heights of success.

      At his peak, Tim Henman reached no 4 in world rankings

      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Henman

      • Magnoliarose says:

        I never liked his style of play. He played like a man with average talent but privilege and access allowed him to get much further than he otherwise would have. He was far too precious for my taste and seemed to break down mentally in clutch situations. There are other players like this and they never get very far long term. Scrappy Andy is much more appealing and he has proven he is the real thing.

        I haven’t thought of him a while. Guess I am not alone.

      • carolind says:

        Actually Tim Henman is remembered at Wimbledon. There is a hill where fans stand called Henman Hill. They tried changing the name to Murray Mound but it did not work. The Middleton parents are great friends of the Henman parents and play tennis with them.

  18. me says:

    But Pippa and her husband are not royalty…therefore not a “royal wedding” in the least.

  19. Margo S. says:

    LOL kate being on the cover for pippas wedding. And bless her that she likes adult colouring books.

  20. KatM says:

    Yes, when Roger Federer attends your wedding, it is truly a simple country affair.

  21. Hazel says:

    The best man’s speech said Kate’s sketch was in the order of service; what we’ve been shown is on the cover of the order of service. I think that’s an important distinction.

  22. M4lificent says:

    I know what haggis is — but I’m still trying to process “mini-” haggis. Can the Scottish contingent of Celebitches help me out with that one?

    • KatM says:

      I was wondering that too.

    • MinnFinn says:

      I read somewhere that the haggis was formed into some type of bit-sized canape.

    • Zaratustra says:

      I am not scottish but:

      Like real haggis just smaller? Small artificial casing?

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haggis
      Haggis is a savoury pudding containing sheep’s pluck (heart, liver and lungs); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, traditionally encased in the animal’s stomach[1] though now often in an artificial casing instead.

      What I would like to know it if that wedding haggis contained “special animal parts”, too, for fertility and good luck? ;-P
      The thought of the uppity Middletons eating “special animal parts” for fertility just cracks me up!!! :-D

    • ABC says:

      Scottish here – but vegetarian so not much help! Haggis is so completely horrid, (imo), even veggie haggis but then I’m not keen on pepper and from memory that seems to be the defining taste. Mini haggis is just haggis made small. It’s a lumpy, doughy kind of thing so can be easily shaped / rolled whatever and prob served on an oatcake. I wouldn’t eat it for a million pounds but apparently the ‘best’ haggis comes from Stornoway in the Western Isles and the next best from Gairloch, a small town on the north west coast of Scotland. Yuck!

  23. Missmarirose says:

    It bugs me that they call her Princess Kate.
    Do they do that with Camilla and Sophie?

  24. LA Elle says:

    What a weird cover. It’s an odd shot of Kate and doesn’t really grab attention. Frankly, if you’re not going to put the bride on the cover, just pick another article as your weekly cover story.

    Also, I was busy over the weekend and didn’t get a chance to comment but: I thought Pippa looked gorgeous. She’s clearly had work done and been on a strict diet, but she radiated happiness. I’m usually highly critical of that family, but it was nice to see a bride and groom so happy on their wedding day.

  25. Aurelia says:

    If Pippa didn’t want a “royal wedding” then don’t include George and chaz in the wedding party. Simple. This suggestion would not have gone down with ma midds well. Still can’t believe hyathince bucket aka Carole didnt invite onslow to the evening reception.

  26. Bess says:

    Weren’t there some snarky comments in the British press about Kate minding the two kids on her own while William was socializing?

  27. Disco Dancer says:

    It would’ve been more appropriate if the slide show with the couple’s love story just showed dollar signs!

  28. Magnoliarose says:

    Hilarious. No one cares about Pips. Sorry Carole Bucket.

  29. Wren says:

    What? They can afford a glass house and life sized cherry trees but no screens for projecting the slide show?

  30. Rae says:

    The DM pictures from inside the marquee look stunning! Genuinely beautiful, with the foliage, etc.

    The amount of venom over this wedding is bemusing though. It turned out a lot of the rumours beforehand hand were complete bullshit, and it ended up being a lovely wedding.

    • Lizabeth says:

      The flowers were beautiful but I  would agree with “stunning” as a fitting descriptor only if used in its meaning of “shocking.” The floral displays (and the slideshow on the wall of the house) just seemed way over the top to me. How could guests freely converse during the meal  with so much stuff (including tree trunks) in the middle of the tables? And if guests were seated during the toasts, could most guests even see the speakers? And wouldn’t that many flowers make it smell like what one often identifies with funerals? 

  31. Aerohead21 says:

    that dress on Kate though.

    Fix the bust and make them fit your boobs properly.

  32. carolind says:

    Comments on wedding. Carol Middleton’s outfit – too young for her, too short, too plain, too pink and did not suit her figure .
    Leaks about Pippa’s hairstyle and dress were true.

    Ummmm, what is wrong with haggis? It has strong connections with Scotland as does the Matthews family. They have an estate there. As far as I am aware the guests were not being force fed the stuff.

    The 21st birthday bash 5 years ago of the then heir to the Duke of Westminster cost £5 million. A lot of the estate workers were invited though. The Westminsters have a good reputation