Mindy Kaling still isn’t telling us about the baby-daddy. It will be a mystery… until it isn’t. I suspect that unlike the January Jones situation – she’s never said one word in the press about the baby-daddy – Mindy will eventually talk about it. She’s just not talking about it now, and all of that is her right. I’m just curious. I still have my fingers crossed for the baby-daddy to be “hot rando Kiwi.” It’s probably BJ Novak, but a girl can hope. Anyway, Mindy covers the latest issue of American Way, American Airlines’ in-house, in-flight magazine. She doesn’t identify the baby daddy, but she does talk about her “mysterious” personal life.
Control & mystery: “My professional life is the only thing that I feel I have a lot of control over — romantic stuff is a little bit more mysterious. I think a lot of women respond to that.”
A woman who works: “On TV, we don’t see the discomfort that a lot of husbands feel when their wives have really demanding full-time jobs. But in almost every one of my married friends’ relationships, this is the biggest single cause of stress.”
When The Mindy Project was canceled by Fox: “I was super disappointed,” she admits. But, “less than a week later, they announced that we were going to be on Hulu.”
People confusing her for her TMP character: “I think people forget when you create a show, you’re creating different characters that have different aspects of your personality. I play one of them, so obviously, everyone thinks I identify most with her.”
First off, of course people identify her character with the real Mindy. The character’s name is Mindy and the real Mindy writes and produces the show. We know the real Mindy isn’t a celebrity-obsessed OB/GYN with man problems, but I think it’s pretty likely that the real Mindy is a celebrity-obsessed actress with man problems.
As for what she says about men feeling uncomfortable when their wives have full-time jobs… yes. That’s real. Men feel “forgotten” or like their wives don’t “need” them. That’s why there’s an entire industry devoted to telling women that they should work really hard and be successful, but not too successful or else they can’t get or keep a man, because Male Ego So Fragile. Don’t even talk about what happens when a wife makes more money than her husband! It’s no wonder that Mindy seems like she’s pretty content to raise her baby on her own.
Photos courtesy of WENN, cover courtesy of American Airlines.
I’m uncomfortable with the amount of work she’s had on her face…esp. those lips.
She’s pregnant you asshole.
She’s had lip fillers for the last few years. It has nothing to do with her pregnancy. And it does look weird. And unless you’re actually Mindy, calling someone else an asshole is ridiculous.
Is that necessary? There have been stories about changes to her face for over a year, long before she was pregnant, including on this site.
She had her lips done long before she got pregnant. I don’t think they’re injections either, they’re like implants or something. Do you watch The Mindy Project? It’s so distracting when she speaks. I think it started in Season 4, she suddenly looked like a different person with a rubbery mouth.
She started having significant work done 2-2.5 years ago. It has nothing at all to do with her pregnancy.
@KB I know right, I used to love the Mindy Project, now I just watch it cause, hey I’m here why not, but the work she has done on her face the last few years has been so distracting, I sometimes cringe watching her. why why why do people alter what genetics made. Unless you have a disfigurement of some sort, you got into the business with your looks, why change them now? I don’t get it.
@DUH: I’m surprised CB actually permitted your comment. There’s NO reason to call someone an asshole just because you don’t agree with their statement.
Jaded, agree. That’s why I like CB, people are normally polite.
Having a bad day, @Duh? Like Jaded and Minx said, not everyone always agrees with each other, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a commenter here be rude like that. CB is the most polite places online these days
She absolutely had lip injections. When she first got it done it was subtle and looked REALLY good in my opinion (and I’m ok in being alone in my opinion) but I do think she’s gone overboard. From what I understand, it’s very easy to get carried away with fillers.
What has that got to do with your lips getting bigger? Confusing body parts are you?
@isabelle, my lips and nose both looked significantly larger with all three of my pregnancies. So pregnancy hormones, water retention, etc. certainly *can* change the look of one’s face. I haven’t been paying enough attention to Mindy in the past two years to know what’s going on with her specifically, but I wanted to share that it can happen.
Ok why? How is that relevant to the topic? I do not care for botox or plastic surgery, but this is an important topic not what she wore on nyfw.
Yes, men still want smart women only less intelligent then them. And they need to have their money but not more than them. But i cannot blame them. They were raised in that manner and if we want change we need to talk and raise better kids.
My husband sure doesn’t have a problem with me working. He’s like, girl get that money! LOL
That’s the impression I’m getting nowadays. Most men seem to want a woman who works because it helps pay the bills. Some women seem even weary that a man only wants them for their ability to make money. Something has shifted…
Most men are okay with women working and bringing some kind of income, but many still have issues if the woman makes more than he does and has a career that is time consuming. I see a lot of this with my female friends who are lawyers and the spouse is not, especially when kids are in the mix. Not all the men step up and help their spouse even though they have the job with more flexibility. And many women compensate by trying to do it all because of the fragile male ego.
Economy has shifted. Families used to be able to support themselves with one wage. They wouldn’t live luxuriously or anything but a manual worker would at least put food at the table for the family. Now it is so much harder. Of course men want women who works because unless he is loaded, they are going to struggle financially. Women working in 21. Century is not solely “feminism and empowerment”, it is , for most women, a necessity.
I do get the impression that men expect women to do the chores AND work. It’s a lot for a woman nowadays.
@Nic919 Yep, that’s my experience too. Men don’t mind a woman who works and contributes to the income, they just don’t like it if they’ themselves are the ones “contributing” and not seen as the ones with the more important job.
I completely agree. In the town where I grew up, I know of many, many couples where the wife is an RN, LPN, CDA, accountant, etc, and the husbands are working low paying construction jobs. The women are by far the main breadwinners, not to mention the ones with careers that provide medical benefits for the family.
The men all seem to have low grade alcohol issues and incurable laziness. I find it unbelievably annoying
I totally agree with you. I don’t know any men who behave that way. The only thing I have ever heard was about partners trying to find time to be together.
Even though I decided to stay home I still occasionally work but did the last year than I have in a long time since I want to have options.
I didn’t feel any pressure, but I knew it would make it harder to have two people traveling and missing each other more than not. I think it depends on the careers of the couple.
A few years ago, women were the primary breadwinner in 25% of households – and that number is increasing. I think it’s a challenge for some men who have their own issues – just as some women can’t handle being with a man who isn’t making more money. But I don’t think it’s an issue for men who are secure and well adjusted. My ex struggled with it. My current partner understands that he supports me in other ways beyond money.
Same!
Hahaha mine too!!
I’m with Ridley: my husband is after me to take more gigs (we’re musicians) and is happy to have an accomplished wife. Maybe it’s not the money as much as it’s the lack of time, but that’s a problem for everyone now, including lowest paid workers. Seems like everyone has a stressful job, or they have to work more than one job to make ends meet!
Try being in the same field as your boyfriend. they are so giving and kind when you’re not doing as well, but If you start progressing ahead of him suddenly there are all these household bullshit things you’ve apparently been neglecting that need to be done now now now instead of work or else you don’t love him
Yes. We’ve been working through this. Yes, we’ve come a long way. But I’ll never forget how hurt I felt when I thought I lost his support because he was jealous.
It rarely gets better, hon. Good luck.
Polonoscopy, I’m in the same field as my husband, and I HEAR you. You say you’ll never forget the hurt, but advice from a gal who’s been fairly happily married 36 years: honestly try to forget that hurt; holding on to our differences and disappointments can erode love. Right or wrong, many men have a hypersensitive horror of being shamed in their roles as “providers or protectors”. Anything that threatens his feelings of competence in those is a big issue emotionally. The fact it IS a big deal to him, ironically, is probably because he loves you very much and wants to succeed in his perceived role. Also, feelings are feelings, his included, and jealousy is a pretty human reaction. I sure hope you have a great network of supportive girlfriends who will hoot and holler for your every achievement, even if your hubby gets churlish!
I agree my husband loves my salary. There are a lot of women who have problems with their husbands who are married to their careers and never see them. So it can go both ways.
It definitely goes both ways.
There’s certainly men who just don’t like women being more successful than them, or not available to them at all times, but there’s also a lot of perfectly decent men who are just more comfortable than many women in saying what they need from a relationship.
A lot of women are socialised to think of having an ambitious, busy husband as a good thing. Which it can be, but it can also mean you live a very lonely life playing third wheel to your husband and his job. So many women just accept that, even if it makes them miserable, because having a successful husband is seen as the ideal. If it’s not working for you it must be your problem, right?
Men aren’t socialised to think that way, so they’re more likely to speak up and tell their partner that their work/life balance is ruining the relationship. That’s not a bad thing.
Kate-that’s a really good point. I think a lot of it is how they are socialized, plus how secure they are themselves. My husband is extremely confident and fulfilled, and having him have a flexible schedule is beneficial for our family.
Mine was like that too! I’ve been a SAHM for almost 10 years now and he’s like, sooooo are you gonna go back to work???? PLEASE?? LOL
EXACTLY, Caroline! I quit working FT when my daughter was 1, and have been home for a while, but my husband is aaaaaalways hinting for me to back and he LOVED the big bucks I made and wants me to earn as much as I can!
Yeah, where these men at that want to support me? I love my career and my SO, but I can’t even imagine a life with a partner who didn’t want/need me to contribute my half.
Amen-I make it and my husband is happy to spend it for me.
That’s what I thought. Like, who are these men who have a problem with their spouse working? Girl you need new friends.
Even if I marry a wealthy man, I always want to earn money for a rainy day fund. Marriage doesn’t last as long as it used to. People get divorced all the time. Men leave and cheat and die. Women should always be independent enough to take care of themselves and survive on their own with or without a man. I think a growing number of men are looking for women who can take care of themselves and their family as well. Unlike in the past, today it’s difficult to survive in a major city without a two-person income. Maybe men have more of an issue if the woman is making significantly more, but I have personally come across men who are looking for a sugar momma or a woman who comes from a wealthy family. Women aren’t the only gold diggers these days.
Ha. Yeah. I WISH I could go to PT…
So funny but after I had my baby my husband was like I am not sure I want you to work for a year. I was like WTF???? Where did this come from?
I’ve never met a married man that was uncomfortable with the wives having a full time job, my husband certainly isn’t.
Never heard of that either. I think this is the classic case of projecting.
I am not American though so maybe I am missing something.
She mentions full-time demanding jobs which I view as different from full-time jobs. Some full-time jobs don’t have predictable hours and can demand your time on evenings and weekends. All of the women lawyers I know have related the push-pull they feel when their job demands impact family life and it is magnified when they have kids. Many leave private practice and compromise their aspirations to restore harmony at home. I also have physician friends who have related the same concerns. It’s a real issue.
I just realized that she said that there is a “lot of stress”, and implied that the stress causes discomfort. I wonder if her words were slightly misinterpreted.
I own my own business and we have several locations throughout the city I live in and the surrounding communities. I’m a “hands on” manager and can work upwards of 12-14 hours on any given day. I’m not a doctor or a lawyer but my job is still demanding. Adding to that is the fact that my husbands “full time” job is being a Marine, I would say that my life has it’s fair share of stress.
@Nicole I wasn’t implying that only doctors or lawyers’ jobs were demanding only that there is a difference between full-time and demanding full-time. Your experience is obviously just different than mine in terms of the reaction that husbands have had. Perhaps that is a function of age (I’m an old) or geography or some other factor. My point was only that your experience was not universal and that what she said represents a truth for many.
Yes, being a lawyer can be a full-time job, as in 24-7, working nights, weekends, etc., often, and otherwise being at the beck and call of your clients. When I worked in a firm, it was often difficult to predict my weekend schedule until Friday and then I might need to work either or both days of the weekend. So that can be stressful on a marriage or any relationship.
There’s still a bit of a cultural bias toward men making more than their wives, so I think this is what Mindy is referring to. I’ve had female bosses who were both much more career-driven and likely made more money than their husbands, and while I”m not sure whether it affected their relationships, it was interesting that the women still ended up doing a lot of the “housework” and “mom” duties too. I’m sure that they wanted to be involved with their kids, but the housework? Eh, I think that was so as not to make the men feel emasculated – but this is a small sample of two, so I’m not disputing that certainly there are men out there who feel differently.
Perhaps this is cultural thing. Because in my culture the men love it when the women work!!! More money.
Same here. Stay at home mums are very rare in my country.
haha not my husband! He’s realistic and knows that without me working our disposable income would diminish along with our health insurance…a huge no no. I get what she’s saying tho if both partners had demanding careers, it puts a strain but communicating and always understanding making your marriage work is a job in itself..a fun job but takes effort on both ends.
Mr tracking was never uncomfortable with my having a FT job–until life got real and arguments arose about divvying about housework and childcare. He’s proud of my professional accomplishments, and knows my income contributes meaningfully to our standard of living, but I’m pretty sure occasionally fantasizes about having a little woman who’d take care of all of that stuff.
I thought maybe referring to the kinds of work-life balance issues that arise with two FT(+) jobs. Every dual income couple I know has some stress related to this, to greater or lesser degrees, above all after kids come.
Mindy Kaling is Indian and they have a very patriarchal society but I believe most of her friends are white/western (but this may not be true) so I’m surprised it’s such an issue amongst her married friends.
“On TV, we don’t see the discomfort that a lot of husbands feel when their wives have really demanding full-time jobs. But in almost every one of my married friends’ relationships, this is the biggest single cause of stress.”
When it comes to married couples I think a lot of men secretly don’t like it when they aren’t the higher earner. They don’t mind their wives working a 9-5 but they still want to be considered the primary breadwinner.
Umm… she’s from Boston and dates white men.
I mean, we’re all in patriarchal societies. Don’t get racist about it.
Nothing racist about my comment; whether she’s from Boston or not she’s still Indian. I mention it because India has a huge problem with treatment of women; pointing that out isn’t racist. USA is patriarchal but India is on a whole different level. Whether she dates white men or not isn’t relevant because she was talking about her married friends. I would imagine some of them are Indian because she’s Indian but then again she does she seem to have some color issues and might have all non-Indian friends.
Her mom was a doctor though. So she comes a family where it isn’t really weird for the wife to be working. She comes from both a high-achieving family and a high-achieving culture.
Doesn’t really matter though. I kind of agree with Jessica. You may be an extraordinarily accomplished woman but very few Indian men and their families are okay with accepting that with open mind.they will praise her publicly but she always has to keep in mind about not being aggressive about her career and she should be mindful of her opinion. Add to that, sll those boys, living in Europe, or UK or wherever always have an inherent God’s gift to indian female family attitude.
Am Indian and speaking from my experience and most of my female Indian friends and relatives.
She’s American,born and raised. And you can keep your racist assumptions about Indians to yourself.
I would be curious to see any stats about men’s attitudes on their wives working.
My hubs loves and appreciate that I work. And vice versa. Everyone that I know that is married feels the same way. If anything I feel that now the expectations on women are that they will bring home some bacon, manage the household, and wake up at 4am daily to workout.
I live in a very economically mixed area, and the only women who don’t work are upper middle class or above, very low income, or have more than three kids. The wealthier women don’t need to, the low income women wouldn’t make enough money to offset child care, and the cost of child care for three or more kids cancels out the income of even middle class women. Most everyone else sees it as something that is necessary to take care of business.
Mindy Kaling grew up in a very privileged environment in Weston, MA. Her mom was a physician who may have continued to work full-time or part-time, but many families in Weston are so wealthy that they can easily afford for a mom to quit work or just work part time and still have nannies. She would also be one of few families of color other than the occasional NBA player or two. Bill Belichick would have been a neighbor. Her private school in Cambridge was also extremely privileged. A co-worker sends her kids there and often complains that most of the other moms don’t understand the time limitations that come with having a job
Thanks for this. I got the feeling her comment were class based. In certain social circles it’s crass to have the woman working. She should be highly educated, well put together, and probably doing charity organization full time.
This is not a middle class concern quite the same way.
People always seem to miss that about Mindy.
In my experience with my ex-husband, he had no problem with me having a full-time and at times demanding job but he also expected me to take care of everything else too. Maybe that’s what she means and was trying to be nice about it…???
Yeah I think she just meant it can cause issues, not that men specifically have problems with it. I know I work more hours and make more money than my husband and sometimes I get resentful that I’m still doing a lot of the house stuff, too. He’s not a bad guy, just our roles have changed in our 7 years together and sometimes we forget that.
I work always and will not stop, it would be too boring and I would feel I waste my capacity (not to mention education) and would never place my life in anyone elses hands. I am in charge of my well being and future and only i can and will secure this form myself with 100% certainty. If someone else promises you this, this is still not a 100% guarantee.
That said, my partner didnt work for a year and just now started working, and never did he complain about me working. He would actually like to be a stay at home partner, I think 🙂
But with his low performance on household chores, he has to train on that for a while before I’d ever let him stay home.
But lets be real- today its well known that both people have to work to get by. No one person can earn enough to support two people or larger investments (talking about the average household here).
Hmmm. I don’t completely agree. I’ve had one controlling BF who didn’t want me to work, and that ended quickly. Most men actually prefer a successful partner and a second income. In fact, I think men get bored when their partner is just at home waiting for them. But, they do get obnoxious if you don’t pay enough attention to them so it’s sort of bullsh*t.
My husband loves that I have a job. I also make more money than him. The problem I have is that he is very old fashioned in some ways. Like he says the yard is his area and the house mine. He will cook sometimes but rarely cleans and Never does dishes. Do any of you have any suggestions on how I can get him to help out more? If I try and soften it by saying, I don’t feel like cooking, he’ll say don’t worry about it, we’ll find something to eat. Idk how else to approach it. Thankfully we don’t have kids. ive relaxed my cleaning and cooking standards for myself, but idk how to get him to help more. Other than that, he’s a great husband. Is this a common problem in marriages?
My husband was like that. What worked was you have to be very specific with them. Tell him: “I need you to cook dinner tonight. Thanks.” By you saying you don’t feel like cooking, he’s not going to make the leap to him cooking if he doesn’t have to. Make it for him.
Goes with everything. Tell him what you need him to do. Give him a clear, non-emotional reason as to why. “I need you to wash the dishes tonight for me, so I can have a few minutes to relax. I’m exhausted from working on this big project all week. It would really mean a lot to me, and I appreciate your help.” Tack on an “I love honey”, as you sail from the room. Sometimes, you have to handle it like they’re the kids. Just clear expectations and no hand holding. Especially if they weren’t expected to contribute to household chores when they were young.
Ok thanks !
Mr. Jaded’s ex-wife never really worked – she was a professional singer when they met but after they married her career kind of faltered. She had no other skills to fall back on and refused to retrain into something else. He worked 3 jobs at times to support her obsessive spending habits and begged her to get a job but nope. Nor did she cook or clean. When they split up and we got together he couldn’t believe his luck! Someone who works, cooks and cleans (as does he). Now that we’re retired we can both reap the rewards of having had solid careers and a healthy retirement fund as a result.
I’m a doctor and my husband’s a lawyer. Some quarters I pull in more, some quarters he does. He doesn’t seem to care if I make more money. But I honestly have to say that my late first husband , while proud of me and being really supportive of my quest to become a doctor, was uncomfortable with the idea of my making more money than he did. I doubt that would have ever happened, but I could tell that was something that would have gotten under his skin a bit.
Just because Mindy’s mother is a physician does not neccesarily mean they have a stable marriage. Perhaps Mindy grew up hearing her parents argue about her mother working full-time?
Additionally, I know women who are career-focused but for whatever reason resent the burden of being the breadwinner.
The guy who wrote Dress for Success actually tested what effect a woman’s salary had on her man’s status, and apparently it doesn’t really matter UNLESS she makes more than him, in which case his status goes down AND her status goes down. It’s very weird and toxic.
I like Mindy but I call bullshit. I’m a stay at home dad, my wife works full time and in no way am I threatened. I am so proud of my wife and how much she has accomplished. It is my job to run the kid, the house, the car and yard, and especially the kitchen. Ladies are only allowed in kitchen if they have a cocktail and want to chat while I cook! Point being, some men will be intimidated, but not real men
Yeah, I was a victim of my husband not wanting me to work full time. I was a single mother for years and worked my butt off, when I met and married my husband(who makes a hell of a lot more than I do) figured I’d stay home. Why he assumed this I have no idea, just because I could suddenly afford to not work didn’t mean I lost the passion I had for my job. We argued about it for a year or so until I finally said screw it and put my notice in, within two weeks I fell into a deep depression and resented the hell out of him. Sure, it was nice to be home more for my daughter but she was at school most of the day and there’s only so much cleaning, cooking, and working out you can do, within 3 months he was begging me to go back to work and apologizing for not supporting me before, lol. It worked out perfectly, my old job called asking me to come back and I negotiated better hours and no weekends which worked better for my family. I learned that I need to work for my sanity, when we have a baby I’ll stay home for a few years, but some women just want and need to work outside the home and there’s nothing wrong with that!
My husband thinks it’s fantastic that I make more money than he does, and that when my kid needed one of us home full time he could be the one to do it.
I think it all comes down to how secure the men are in themselves.
The only ones that have a problem with the wife working full time, being the only one working or making more money than they do are insecure and have issues.
Only the immature ones, IMO. The ones who think a wife is synonymous with “full time maid and child care specialist but who is still my economic inferior.” These days, it’s not really an option for most middle lower class families, and it’s never been an option for the working class and poor. Rich people, maybe, because it’s an issue of social prestige to have a spouse who doesn’t have to work.
I’ve found that sometimes it’s actually the women who have the problem with husbands making less than their successful wives, but they engage in heavy projection. My husband and I are both lawyers, and you wouldn’t believe the comments and resentment expressed by our female law school friends when one of the group’s husbands decided to stay at home with the kid. There are, sadly, many of us who still subscribe to the notion that our husbands should be at least as successful as we are.