Anna Faris: ‘the notion of best friends in general is messed up’

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Anna Faris is doing her best to move on after she and husband Chris Pratt announced their separation last month. She has kept a low profile, rarely being seen in public since the split, but she has continued her weekly relationship advice podcast, Unqualified. The cast shares the title of her upcoming book, full title: Anna Farris is Unqualified, which will be released on October 24.

In the new tome, marketed as a combination memoir and self-help book, Anna shares personal, humorous stories from her life. And, in the “awk-ward” department, Chris wrote the forward. An excerpt from Unqualified was adapted for the October issue of Cosmopolitan. In the magazine’s “On My Mind” column, Anna shares tales of the mean girls who harassed her in her youth and why it’s hard to forge friendships with women. Here are some highlights from the article:

On Chris Pratt:
“I was once told that I didn’t need a tight group of girlfriends because Chris should be my best friend. But I never bought that. The idea of your mate being your best friend – that’s overhyped.”

On her relationships with men:
“I was selling my own gender down the river, and I wasn’t even getting fulfillment from the relationships with those dudes.”

On why it took her so long to realize the importance of female friendships:
“Growing up, I fell victim to plenty of mean girls who would sneak up on me and snap my bra strap. It may sound like a small thing, but when you’re a quiet teenager trying to get through high school unnoticed, that kind of unwanted attention is rough.”

On what it takes to develop genuine female relationships:
“It takes vulnerability of spirit to open yourself up to other women in a way that isn’t competitive, and that’s especially hard in Hollywood, where competition is built into almost every interaction.”

On the notion of a “best friend”:
“I think the notion of best friends in general is messed up though. It puts so much pressure on any one person, when I truly believe it’s okay to have intimacy with different people in different ways.”

[From Cosmopolitan]

I am not a movie star, I’ve never been married to a movie star (you had your chance, Jon Hamm), but I can totally relate to Anna’s plight. I dealt with my share of mean girls growing up, and I have always had considerably more male friends than female friends. I find that in my 40s, it’s impossible to make friends with women (co-workers excluded) – especially because I’m single and have no kids. Of course, I spend more time with my significant other than anyone else right now, so he kind of is my best friend, so on that point, I can slightly disagree with what Anna said.

Since the split, the 40-year-old actress, soon to return to the small screen for the fifth season of her CBS sitcom Mom, has a slight case of cold feet in advance of the release of her book, since it includes such intimate details of her life. She talked about it on the latest episode of her podcast on Tuesday, admitting, “I feel really, really nervous because it feels intimate.” She added, “I’m excited and when I first got the book deal, I thought, ‘What a great adventure this is going to be,’ and now that it’s getting closer, I feel nervous in a sense that I’ve been able to always hide behind characters. And now it’s like, this is me. It feels a little scary.”

Later on in the episode, she told listeners, “I would love it so much if you picked up my book, but please know, I am so scared. I feel like leaving the country for a little while. I’m breaking into a sweat.” She went on to add, jokingly, “It definitely confirms that I have no idea what the f**k I’m talking about.”

I don’t know about you, but I kind of want to read the book now, especially because Anna said that she once was “a really quiet kid with headgear.” I was too, but she ended up a movie star and I write copy for an insurance company and gossip blog. Oh, well… I’m not surprised that she’s able to speak kind of candidly about her current situation – I can only imagine it’s rather therapeutic. Way to hang in there, lady.

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80 Responses to “Anna Faris: ‘the notion of best friends in general is messed up’”

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  1. Barrett says:

    We bond. No kids in 40s equals no new friends outside of coworkers! It’s crazy. I’ll be your friend! Ha

    • Sojaschnitzel says:

      Me too! Same story. I feel kinda lonely lately and have been wondering how and where one acquires friends these days, but most people are boring and just want to talk about kids and shoes and fashion and other women. I just can’t with that kind of people.

      • TooEarly says:

        Ha….this blog talks about kids and shoes and fashion everyday!

      • Scotchy says:

        Me too and considering I am self employed, I don’t even have work friends to make!
        Now if only we all lived in the same place 🙂

      • Wren says:

        This sounds way cliche, but join a club based on one (or more) of your interests. You get to do something you like, have ready made conversation about the thing you like, and no pressure to arrange to meet up with people outside club activities.

        That’s what I did when I moved to a new town and knew nobody, and I’ve met some really cool people that I would never have known otherwise. We’re not “best friends”, but just having friends, even casual ones, has been wonderful.

      • Elyna says:

        @Scotchy…in the same boat re: Self-employment. I had no idea how far that would take me out of social interactions. It’s more than just doing the job, it’s doing the over-head & accounting, etc. on business end, too. For some reason, I’ve been lucky enough to reconnect with a good, solid female friends from High School. We make sure to talk over the phone instead of social media (our schedules conflict to meeting up often) to maintain a deeper feeling of friendship. She and I have both talked about how we really needed a female friendship & appreciate the validation we get from each other. Plus, we can curse up a storm & there’s no judgement…LOL.
        Totally get about if we could all live near each other 🙂 *sends a friendly hug*

      • kibbles says:

        I’m also one of those “career women” who would go insane if I spent most of my time talking about children, diapers, school, mommy blogs, etc. I want to have children someday, but I also love having a career and independence from home life. Going with what others have mentioned, as you get older you need to put in the effort to make friends with similar interests. I have used Meetup to a varying degree of success. I’m currently dating someone I met on Meetup. I personally think it’s much better to meet new people at events rather than on dating apps. I have met some of my best friends through other types of networking events. You have no excuse, especially if you are single and/or childless. Use your free time to go to events and festivals in your city. You never know who you will meet.

    • detritus says:

      It can be rough even in your thirties. I’m holding in for dear life to the few who haven’t gone completely mommy.

    • Pandy says:

      Oddly, I started meeting loads of no kids women in my 40s or women with adult kids. So hang in there!

    • Neva_D says:

      There’s a website/app called ‘meetup’ and you can meet up with people for events that are based on interests. I’ve been meaning to join because I’m a single gal who works from home and all of my friends are starting families, and I’ve noticed chances to hang out these days are pretty few and far between.

      • Louisa says:

        I started a book club on Meetup a couple of years ago after I had been living in a town I hated for a while and had made no friends. It was fine, but there was no one that I had any connection with, no one that I could have seen myself hanging with outside book club.
        It’s so difficult making friends as an adult. I’m extremely introverted also (the book club was a HUGE step for me) so I find it next to impossible.

      • lucy2 says:

        That’s what I was going to suggest too. I realized after a while that my friends with kids just weren’t able to or interested in going out and doing things, and I hadn’t met many other people in my area. Meetup was a good solution. Some groups were great, and I’ve made real friendships from them, and others less so. A friend from one of the book groups started her own, and now we are a great circle of friends who do all kinds of activities together. But I went to a nature photography one once and everyone was rather unfriendly and cliquish, it was so weird! After feeling left out in that one, I always made an effort to talk to a new person at a meetup.
        If you don’t see anything in your area, consider starting one yourself, there are probably others looking to meet new people too!

    • Sam Vimes says:

      I’ve really had this issue since turning 30 (33 now) and my old friends started having children but I’ve become friends with a woman in one of my exercise classes. We ended up being the only two women who went out for end of season drinks because everyone else couldn’t get a babysitter. We decided we would head for dinner and then join the men for drinks. Over dinner we found we had an awful lot in common (both child-free, pro-choice, atheists who feel a bit suffocated in our small town). There was a light bulb moment where it was like “Oooh! Hello friend!” We’re taking it slow but it seems to be going great 😀

  2. HH says:

    As a kid, I got along with boys more than girls. I think part of it was feeling more comfortable because I had brothers, but the other part is because I had to deal with catty girls as well. Even when they weren’t being catty to me, I recall their whispers and rudeness to other girls. It set bad taste in my month. My bff from my youth is still mine to to this day and I’ve made other girl friends, that I adore. But still, I’m more reserved around women (at first) than I am around men.

    ETA: I don’t know how you would get through a marriage without your partner being your best friend. Now, they don’t need to be your only friend or replace your other close friends. However, how do you spend all that time and go through so much with one person, and they aren’t a best friend by default? Lol

    • swak says:

      HH, we’re soulmates on this. I grew up with brothers and a neighborhood full of boys so I am much more comfortable around boys than girls. My bff is from my childhood also and her parents were second parents to me. Her dad walked me down the aisle when I got married because my father was not alive.

      • Sophia's Side eye says:

        Aww, swak, that’s such a sweet story about your best friend’s dad walking you down the aisle. I bet he was so happy that you wanted him to do that for you. 😊

        I’m not crying, you’re crying.

    • Michelle says:

      I adore my husband. He is the love of my life and he is my friend, but he is not my BEST friend. Maybe since I’ve had the same best friend since I was 2, I have a different perspective. Her role in my life is different than my husband’s. Yes, my husband and I go through so much together and a strong friendship is necessary, we like being together, etc. But we each have a best friend: the person we can bitch to about anything, who will always be on our side. Sometimes I need to talk to someone outside my marriage and so does he.

  3. Lolo says:

    I love her. She is so down to earth and relatable.

    I’m lucky in that I’ve always had great female friendships, although I’ve had my fair share of bullying as well. As an mid 20s adult who entered the workforce 2 years ago I am finding it harder to make friends and especially female friends. People are busy, in relationships, already have friend groups or even yes, new female friends can be competitive towards me. I try not to hang around the latter too much, but it’s been a lonely 2 years.

    I’d love advice anyone has for making friends in life after school!

    • Carol says:

      I noticed that yes it is harder to make friends after college but not impossible so don’t give up. I Find that the key is to find built in communities where you do have commonalities and where you attend regularly. For example: group fitness classes at your local gym – that helped me. I also tried knitting classes – I picked one that was sort of attached to a crafters community. I also tried pole fitness and that was pretty cool. THers lots more similar things you can try: I still wanna try attending a photography meetup group, taking a film making class etc. What about a roller derby team or in the summer, recreational sorts leagues?
      Sometimes once you make friend with one person, they ‘adopt’ you into their friend group.

    • Tan says:

      Like Carol said

      It becomes difficult to create a social life when you are working and from mid 20s

      Go out with your colleagues now and then and you will get to know other people from them

      Join some activities. Most of my good friends have come from different dance classes I joined

      You will find someone with whom it will click

      Don’t lose hope, good friends are anyway hard to come by and if you keep yourself open you would end up having friends where you least expected. And as cliched it sounds
      It is true.

    • Wren says:

      As I said above, join a club! Get involved and enjoy yourself and you’ll naturally become friends with other people in the club. Maybe you won’t find a “best friend”, but even casual friends and good acquaintances are nice to have. It’s hard to make friends when everyone has pretty much established their lives. Friendship takes an investment of time and effort that are ill afforded in most people’s busy lives. Being part of a club, or a class, or whatever takes away the pressure to initiate contact and the focus is on the activity, not you.

  4. Franny Days says:

    She annoys me. Also being your “mate’s best friend” is absolutely not overhyped. My parents have been best friends in their marriage of over 26 years. My grandmother always told me to marry my best friend. I mean of course you can have girlfriends but I think being your partner’s best friend is super important. But obviously Anna shouldn’t be giving relationship advice sooo…

    • detritus says:

      Totally agree, You should be best friends. That’s what makes a true breakup hard. You lose your love and your primary intimacy.
      Where it gets dicey is when they are your EVerything. I don’t believe that is healthy or good.

  5. Alleycat says:

    I think what she meant is that it’s healthy to have best friends outside of your relationship too. I know so many of my friends who kind of drop their girlfriends once they get in a relationship, because they’re so wrapped up in the guy.

    • lucy2 says:

      I think that’s what she meant too, and I agree. I’m not married myself, but I can see with friends and family how it’s beneficial for people to have friendships and interests outside of their marriage. i have to think it makes you a more interesting person to be married to also!

  6. someone says:

    It makes me sad to think that someone’s spouse isn’t their best friend. What is it like in their house – do they just coexist? Two people moving around each other but not really interacting? Honestly, I can’t imagine what it would be like if the person you are married to isn’t your best friend. Am I missing something?

    • Sylvia says:

      Well, she and her husband are getting a divorce now, so… yeah.

    • No says:

      Some people view romantic relationships and friendships as separate concepts.

    • CynicalAnn says:

      The one friend who told me her husband is not her best friend, is now getting divorced. So yeah.

    • Ange says:

      My husband is my friend, a great friend, but he’s not my best friend. You seem to have leaped from if not ‘best friend’ then must be ‘near stranger’ but there ARE gradients you know. The relationships I have with my girlfriends are different to the one I have with him. The one with him is more intimate in many ways but it also comes with a lot more weightiness, it’s a huge deal because it’s two people forging their entire lives together. The relationship with my girlfriends is a lot more about fun and support, we fill in the gaps our partners can’t and that on its own is meaningful and special.

    • aenflex says:

      My husband is not my best friend. He is my favorite person and I have a huge amount of respect for him. We have a wonderful partnership based on respect, trust, logic and mutual ideals in all the right places.
      My first LTR was 11 years with a guy who was my ‘best friend’, and it went to hell in a hand basket.

      There is no one-size-fits-all-relationships secret ingredient. Everyone is different.

  7. Brunswickstoval says:

    I get what she means about her husband not being her best friend. I’ve been married for nearly 20 years but there’s still stuff I share with only my closest girlfriends. Probably because my husband would be bored 😊

    I’ve always been a little intimidated by women who say they prefer the company of men. Not sure why. I like the company of both but love having close female friends to share my life with.

    • Shijel says:

      Sometimes it’s internalised misogyny. I was one of those “I prefer male friends” women as well. Took me a while to examine why that was. It’s not because women are catty and bullies, god knows no one is more catty, bullying, gossiping and sneaky than a guy, regardless of what men (and society as a whole) like to think about themselves. It’s because in my head I elevated masculinity because at the time I was young and not happy with compulsory femininity being forced on me, and that was my misguided way of rebelling, I suppose.

      No one is as fragile, mean and catty as an upset, entitled male. These days I’ve got good friends across the gender spectrum and I am much happier for it.

      • Sula says:

        Well said!

      • ORIGINAL T.C. says:

        Sometimes it’s just being able to me yourself. I have always had more male friends because I can be blunt, they tend not internalize it and vice versa. We have an argument one day and it’s done. They don’t bring it up again 5 months down the road. I don’t feel like I need to read their minds. As women we are brought up to be polite so we hold back negative comments or negative thoughts which eventually blow up down the line.

        Also I don’t have to dress up just to hang out. As women we tend to dress up for each other or to the same level as our friends. I roll up in jeans and a t-shirt with cheap snickers,no issues with my male friends. I do still have female friends to discuss female issues with but I usually spend less time with them. This is of course my specific experience.

      • Brunswickstoval says:

        Thank you yes that is an explanation. I also feel sorry for women who say they have only experienced catty bitchy female friends. Yes they exist but so do amazing strong supportive girlfriends. Maybe I’ve been lucky.

      • Bridget says:

        To expand further, upon reflection it’s a way of feeling ‘special’. When you’re a girl among guys, you see romantic partners come and go, but you have your own place as a friend, and often you’re elevated to a special status as the one who’s cared for, who “other women just don’t get”. It’s only now as an adult that I realize what a red flag it is to be around women who don’t have other female friends, because indeed – the dynamics in friendships with men aren’t inherently better. Men are incredibly catty as well (just packaged differently). They are also no more comfortable with blunt spokenness than women (it turns out, bluntness isn’t a problem with women as long as you’re polite).

      • Godwina says:

        Co-signed, Shijel. Internalized miso is a hell of drug, and if other women aren’t drawn to you, the problem is likely you. (See also Nice GuysTM who can’t get a date.)

      • Cobra says:


      • slowsnow says:

        I see what you’re saying @Shijel but growing up I felt safer with boys than girls because I couldn’t understand half of what the girls talked about. Around 12-15 years old was a difficult time for me in terms of female relationships.
        It took me a lot of time and a daughter to mellow down and also for some of my best friends now to be women (they caught up with me in certain ways and I caught up with them in others). I still find the school run super hard because half the time I have no idea what’s going on. And it’s mostly girls. My husband on the other hand got along really well with some girls (usually the one who were good in class).

      • Wren says:

        I totally get what you’re saying and it’s 100% true; women pale in comparison to the level of catty, gossipy, backstabbing, and butthurt I’ve seen from men. It constantly amazes me how individual men and society as a whole constantly ignores this and pretends it’s not true.

        That said, I tend to get along better with men than women. I do have close female friends, but on the whole I am more comfortable with men. I think it’s because I have very little interest in “typical women’s subjects” and a whole lot of interest in things that are generally considered masculine. I’m much more comfortable talking about, say, trucks or construction projects than I am kids or fashion. It’s stupid and these things shouldn’t even be gendered but they are. I also appreciate that men are much more straightforward and say what they mean and you easily know where you stand with them (because society trains them that way, I know).

      • Mo says:

        @Brunswickstoval & @Shijel x 1000. Thanks for saying what I was thinking!

        I have a couple close male friends who I love dearly, but most of the guys that wanted to be “friends” with me had ulterior (sexual) motives. Also, the guys I have hung out with, even just casually, engage is more risky behaviors than female friends and get in more trouble.

        Sure, I’ve come across catty bitches, but most of them whine about not having any girl friends…And I usually avoid them the same as how I would avoid a man who likes to bully other people.

        One last bit, if most of the girls you meet are rude or aloof then you might need to examine how you treat them first.

      • Ange says:

        Original TC that’s half the problem: you have a stereotypical idea in your head about women or you just don’t think women are capable of being different from stupid gender norms. I assure you you’re only getting a minuscule sample set. I met all my best friends through a sports club. We’re all sorts of colours, orientations, interests, whatever. None of them engage in any of that behaviour you described. We’re all ourselves, we’re all blunt, we’re all dressed up or down whatever. I don’t hang out with vain, shallow, bitchy PEOPLE but I find them across all genders because I’m not looking for it in one specifically.

    • detritus says:

      Clapping over here, Shijel and Brittany.
      I love this excerpt on cool girls. Won’t apply to everyone who prefers male company, but it described me for awhile.

    • lucy2 says:

      “No one is as fragile, mean and catty as an upset, entitled male.” OMG so true. I work in a male dominated field, and was amazed to discover how gossipy and bitchy some of these construction guys are about each other. Luckily my office and coworkers are good, but for a long time were mostly male, so making more female friends outside of work was a good thing for me. Back in school and college I was probably 50/50 male and female friends.

  8. poorlittlerichgirl says:

    I have very few true, personal friendships. My cousin is my closest friend and we’ve been close since we were babies. I value her friendship so much. I have tons of acquaintances that I could call to chat or meet up with for dinner but I wouldn’t open up to them. That’s pretty much it as far a friendships go. But I can honestly say that my husband is my best friend and I am still madly in love with him after all these years. I trust him more than anyone else in my life and truly enjoy every single second with him. There is no one else I would rather be with or confide in.
    Some people don’t have a relationship like that with their spouse and that is completely fine too. I don’t think everyone needs to be best friends with their spouse to be happy. Every relationship/marriage is different.

  9. Lily says:

    So, she’s never going to shut up about this?
    Also, why a memoir? Her career hasn’t been noteworthy enough or at a scale worthy of publishing a deeply personal account. I guess capitalizing on your divorce is big bucks.

  10. Jenfan says:

    I think what she probably means is that different people (friends), play different roles in your life. You can have a close functional relationship with your spouse, but that person may still not be your best friend. You may not have a lot of shared interests or the person may not have the skills to give you the life advice you need or have discussed forever with your other friends.

    I have s friend, whose husband was truly her best friend, life partner to the exclusion of everyone else. She really did not need anyone else. Unfortunately he passed away, and the pain and emptiness in her life (surrounded by family and friends) is unbearable.

    • InVain says:

      I can see what she’s saying too. My husband is my best friend, but I realized that I can’t depend on him for EVERYTHING. And not because he can’t manage it, but because it’s not healthy for me personally. I know myself. Also, I’ve had friendships that have been around since before he and I got together. I have a small group of very close friends. They all have a very important role and place in my life. Some I can trust with information I just don’t want to share with my husband (or because he just doesn’t care about certain things) – and that’s okay. Everyone needs different things in life. I have someone that I consider my best friend because she is…but I don’t like limiting that to just one person. I just feel like one person can’t be everything (at least for me). And I don’t expect to be that for them.

  11. Jayna says:

    I have several long-term female friendships who I trust deeply, and we all want the best for each other.

  12. Sula says:


  13. CharlieBouquet says:

    My hubs is my best friend that gets nookie, and have 3 besties in my life outside my home that have been in my life decades. Each one brings something different and wonderful. In turn we nursed each other during miscarriages, divorce, marriages, hysterectomies, military ptsd….Life is filled with trials so a big hug to any of you without a friend to lift you when you fall.

  14. Snowflake says:

    My husband is my best friend. Before him, I moved to a new city and broke up with an ex. So I knew no one except co workers. Most of the females at my work are way younger than me or have kids. I don’t so it’s not like we can have play dates or something. When I was single, I felt like women were so competitive for men and that was their main focus. Or I would meet a girl, get along with her but her already established friend I think would feel threatened. Or I have female friends, they meet a man and you don’t see them anymore. I don’t get that. It kinda sucks because my only support system is very mom or husband. Both are great. But you need more of a support system, IMO.

  15. Elle says:

    “I married my best friend” and “I married my soulmate” are two phrases that I get very suspicious when I hear them. I am not saying it is not possible, but for me it is like those couples that they always talk about sex. I doubt they ever have any or they are overcompansating for something else.

    • Wren says:

      Well, just like anything, the louder it’s shouted and the more it’s paraded about, the less likely it is to be true. I’m very suspicious of dramatic, public declarations, because if it were really true, why the need to shove it in my face? Now, if you ask and someone says, “oh, yes, my husband is my best friend” or it comes up in conversation, that’s very different in my mind.

    • Originaltessa says:

      My husband is without a doubt my best friend. I have no idea what a soulmate is, but I’m not sure he’s that. We disagree. We don’t always like each other. But we are great friends and the person I want to talk to and hang out with the most.

  16. Kitten says:

    I used to think the exact same way as her. I always said “your best friend isn’t someone that can break up with you.”

    Then I met my now-boyfriend and everything changed. He’s the person I most enjoy spending time with, my greatest confidant (cue Golden Girls theme song) and my biggest cheerleader/supporter.

    As someone said up-thread, he’s my best friend that I love to f*ck. What’s better than that?

    But I absolutely agree that maintaining friendships outside of the relationship is an imperative.

    • slowsnow says:

      Hear hear.

    • Wren says:

      My best friend in college broke up with me. 🙁 It was worse than breaking up with my first long term boyfriend and even though it’s been quite some time, I’m still not 100% healed from it. It wasn’t quite the same, of course, there was no “we’re through!” like you get in a romantic relationship, but all the same she stopped being friends with me rather abruptly and went out of her way to make sure I knew about all the fun she was having with her new friends.

      But yeah, you absolutely can be dumped by your best friend. And it sucks so, so hard.

  17. Eden75 says:

    I’ve been married for 17 years, together for 21 and friends for 26. Not sure exactly how I could be with someone that long if he wasn’t my best friend. He is the only person on the planet who knows everything about me and vice versa. If he wasn’t my best friend, odds are good I would have killed him by now. Seriously, how could you live with someone who is not your closest confidant?

    As for girlfriends, I had a few growing up, but none that were as close to me as my guy friends. A lot of girls were down right evil and I decided I had no time for that crap. I had more in common with the guys (cars, sports, 4×4’s, etc) than I did with 99% of the girls anyway, so I just stayed away. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I found a group of ladies who are my lifelines outside of my house. They were more than worth the wait!

  18. JA says:

    Ahhhh I can totally relate!! Newlywed still trying to build up my female friend base. It’s sooo tough making genuine friendships with ppl your age when everyone is in different stages, married, single, divorced, kids, no kids… it can difficult building bonds with people you might not necessarily see all the time. I was bullied in middle school by my group of gfs so the idea of best friends is not exactly something I subscribe to but having a good friend you can talk to, vent with or just hang with is so important for ones mental/emotional health. I love my husband and I love his company and I do consider him one of my greatest friends BUT it doesn’t make up for the bonds you make with other women. I’m really craving that type of relationship right now! Attending a meet up this weekend to meet other gfs and hoping to meet some potential “best friends”… so nervous!! Being an adult kinda is more scary than being a kid in situations like this… :-/

  19. Tan says:

    Its actually right
    As you grow up you , best friends forever seem so obsolete

    I have 2/3 awesome friends, each of them I can open my heart to and vice versa and each of them is unique.

    Not one of them can really replace others

    I guess as we grow older relationships become more nuanced and layered and we learn to take people more easily as the way they are

  20. MarionC says:

    Being single in my 40’s was definitely easier when I lived in a metro area. There was a higher percentage of singles and easy to find clubs or activities where you’d meet other singletons to hang with, etc. Can’t express how much I miss, and undervalued, that now that I live in a small New England town where everyone is coupled up, activities are couple focused, and the couple women that were single when I first arrived have acknowledged they are with their current partners more for companionship vs a great love affair. It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever really been down or bothered by single status.

    • Katrina says:

      @MarionC, I had that same experience too. I was in my mid-30’s living in a large metropolitan area when I relocated to a small city in a very Red State for work. Everyone at my age was married with children and I was made to feel like a pariah. One of my (very unhappily married) female coworkers said to me, “what is it like to be so old and single? It must be awful to feel like no one wants you.” When I tried to make female friends, they acted distrustful as if I wanted to steal their partners or boyfriends. After about 3 years, I moved away because I was sick of that culture.

      • Meg says:

        A girl I’d known since Junior high got married sort of young and only wanted to hang out with other married couples. It’s insane to me that some people seem to see single women as a threat.

      • detritus says:

        Did you punch her in the teeth? That’s a MFing tooth punching statement if I ever heard one.

  21. deadnotsleeping says:

    I read somewhere (one of her books?) a Mindy Kaling quote that “best friend” isn’t a person, it’s a tier. And I’ve loved that and ran with it. My husband is my best friend. But so is my sister… and so are a half dozen women that I’ve known for different spans of my life who I count on and love. I can tell any of them anything and even if we don’t all live in the same state (or country) when we get together it’s like nothing has changed.

    Twice our family has moved across the country to a place that I knew no one. The husband was still my best friend, but it didn’t stop me from feeling incredibly lonely until I could start to build a support system again. And while I agree that kids make it easier to make friends, it also means that you have even less time for your friends because of your kids. Between my two kids we have swim team, dance, soccer, flag football, running club, kids club, and homework. I have a group of girls that try to get together at least once a month, but sometimes it’s a few months before our schedules align. But we have a giant group text that is active and we stay in touch that way in between times.

  22. Sara says:

    I know exactly how Faris feels regarding building adult female friendships as a grown woman. I also was mean-girled throughout middle school and high school and mean maled after high school and now I find it very hard to find genuine relationships.

    Karma does suck and may be real because most of these old school mean girls and males lives are train wrecks. Men after men, body from booze, kids that are a mess and weight and health issues galore. I would feel sorry for them if they actually changed, but once a mean jack ass always a mean jack ass.

  23. Wiffie says:

    This post is all kinds of messed up.


    *Podcast is incorrectly identified at as “unqualified” (that’s the book)
    *Book incorrectly identified as “Anna Faris is Unqualified” (AFIU is the podcast) but later correctly identified
    *Her name is spelled both Farris and Faris throughout the article

    As my grandpa used to say, measure twice, cut once. (Edit, my friend!)

  24. CharlieBouquet says:

    I think friendships ebb and weave like the tide. For example my longest bestie and I were never having kids. Childless by choice ride or dies. Then I was the beneficiary of a condom kiddo. I found out I was pregnant when I had a TVU for ovarian cysts and fibroids. Our friendship has changed dramatically since I became a mom. I just told her baby girl I’ve been on your end before too, and it is hard to have that loss of access when a friend becomes a parent, but it’s temporary. Forgive me for talking about my amazing spawn and I’ll forgive you for telling me all about the remodels you can afford as a DINK lol.

  25. Amelie says:

    Yeah I don’t have any best friends and never really have, even when I was little. My friendships changed so much from elementary school to now and I’ve never really trusted the concept of a best friend. To me it’s like ranking your friends, saying this ONE friend is the BEST above all others and I don’t understand that (also why if I ever get married I am not having bridesmaids apart from my sister as maid of honor). I think you can have different tier of friendships: super close friends, close friends, casual friends, acquaintances.

    As for your partner being your best friend–I suppose there’s truth to it but again best friend = life partner doesn’t necessarily ring 100% true to me either.

  26. prettylights says:

    I’ve had an even mix of male/female friends through the years but for most of my twenties considered myself more as ‘one of the guys’ and was more comfortable hanging out with my guy friends. I just wasn’t on the same page with a lot of the women I knew. Then I moved to a new city and at first was friends with more guys, but now I have a group of amazing female friends (and a lot of male friends too so it’s a good mix). It’s so great to have finally found a group of women who don’t tear each other down, don’t talk sh*t behind each other’s backs, don’t focus on petty small perceived slights but instead are understanding, trusting, supportive, and really want to see each other succeed. By the time I was in my late twenties I never thought I’d find a group of women who I could connect with so well, and such a big group of them, but I’m so lucky that I have. We mostly met through our love of live music and mutual friends and it’s grown from there.

  27. Tulsi 2020 says:

    When I was young all my friends were drinking and drug buddies. Then the partying became problematic and I was encouraged to leave all my friends behind when I joined a 12 Step fellowship. So for a number of years all my friends were from the fellowship but then I left it and split from my partner who was also in the fellowship. As a result my best friend dumped me because I’d started drinking again and had broken up with my partner, even though these days I rarely drink and when I do I don’t drink that much. As a result of my history i have no long term friends. J work all week and have my kids on the week ends, so I have little time for making new friends and don’t really have a desire to do so. Sometimes I have moments where i think wow I have no friends that must make me a loser, but that’s just me worrying about what other people might think. Personally I know that I don’t have friends because making and maintaining friendships isn’t a priority for me as work and parenting provides me with a full life. That said I’ll occasionally go out with workmates but I usually knock back invitations to go out because I’d rather go home and relax or go to the gym.

  28. Bothsidesnow says:

    Anna Faris does have a son. Why does this say she is childless?

  29. Patty says:

    If you are lucky enough to marry your best friend, good for you! But not marrying your best friend won’t doom you to divorce or a life of misery. The whole concept of The One, marrying your best friend, expecting your partner to fulfill all of your needs, etc are relatively new concepts. Hell, the concept of marrying for love is a new concept. It’s quite a leap to assume that those who don’t consider their spouse their best friends are doomed.

    I’d say after you’ve been together for a while, chances are you will consider your spouse / partner your best friend but I don’t think there’s anything to it if you aren’t best friends when you get married.

    I think a lot of people are equating not marrying your “best friend” with a life of misery and that’s not true at all.