Ian Somerhalder threw out Nikki Reed’s birth control pills to get her pregnant

Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder were guests on a podcast called Dr. Berlin’s Informed Pregnancy. I fast forwarded through some of it and Dr. Berlin delivered Nikki and Ian’s first baby, daughter Bodhi Soleil, who was born in August. They described Bodhi’s birth in detail, but I’ll spare you. The two of them get extremely personal, with Ian admitting that just an hour after he started hanging out with Nikki for the first time he broke up with a girl he was seeing for a few weeks. He told her then that “If I feel like this sitting with you, I don’t want to sit with anybody I don’t feel this way about.” Nikki said that she wondered if he was a serial killer since he came on so strong but she obviously got over that. Nikki got super drunk the first time they hung out and stayed over his house and then he stayed over her hotel the next night. (She was in Georgia on set.) Nikki said she wanted to act like they were just friends and Ian admitted she made him wait a while for sex. He was obviously infatuated with her.

I didn’t hear the entire podcast but other tidbits I learned were that Ian has a massage room in his house and a “healer” who visits him three times a week. Nikki told a story about she was hungover and how Ian made her go to the massage room, where he then gave her a surprise massage. It sounds either romantic or creepy and controlling when you consider it, which is definitely the vibe I get from Ian. He skirts that line.

An anecdote from this interview which is getting a lot of headlines is the fact that Ian threw out Nikki’s birth control pills. They didn’t exactly agree ahead of time to start a family and it was similar to Nikki’s massage, it was Ian’s idea but Nikki got on board with it. This exchange starts at 5:45 into the second part of the podcast. It’s way worse than US Weekly and People are making it out to be. The celebrity outlets are underselling this:

When did you really decide to have a kid?
Ian: May
Nikki: Oh yeah when you threw out all my birth control pills. That’s it.
Ian: Our two best friends, we all met up in Barcelona. We decided that we wanted to all – we wanted to have children together. It was just time. Nikki didn’t realize that I was going to go in her purse and take out her birth control and pop… all of those suckers out. It is a lot of work.

Nikki how did you feel about that?
Ian: There’s a six minute video where she’s freaking out.
Nikki: There’s a video? Why are you always taking videos of me and I don’t know it?
Ian: Lindsay took the video on my phone. What’s so cool is that there’s this video of me with this handful of little pills. [Lindsay] sort of interviewing Nikki ‘how are you feeling’
Nikki: I didn’t say anything.
Ian: She’s sort of panting.
Nikki: He just popped them out in his hand.
Ian: What’s crazy is our best friends conceived that night.
Nikki: It was inspiring.
Ian: Now that I’m thinking about it I guess I kind of decided it. That’s really how it happened.

[From Dr. Berlin’s podcast]

I’m glad I listened to some of this, because I just got so much insight into the dynamics of their relationship. Ian does what he wants, he violates Nikki’s boundaries and does it demonstrably, daring her to challenge him. Even when it’s disturbing to Nikki she later laughs it off and considers it romantic and sweet. Imagine what things are going to be like for Nikki when or if she ever decides to separate from Ian or even stand up to him. I would not want to be in that position. I mean I have been somewhat and it’s awful, but those kind of guys sure are “romantic” in the beginning.

Here are Nikki and Ian at their first post baby appearance on September 8. She looks beautiful and I just love that dress.



Photos credit: WENN.com

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152 Responses to “Ian Somerhalder threw out Nikki Reed’s birth control pills to get her pregnant”

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  1. Nicole says:

    This is not a cute story. It’s gross.
    Also what happened to that vow of silence they were taking after the baby was born? Can they actually do that? They are such a try hard couple

    • Caly says:

      Not cute all! I don’t know how all these celebrities keep these horrible stories without even realizing how it makes them look. Or maybe we (regular people) are too normal?
      Ian came off controlling and childish at the same time, “our best friends this, our best friends that”, are you in high school?

    • Casey says:

      They’re both equally try hard alone, so together they’re just mortifying. Ugh.

      Dude is a creep. The fact that he thinks this is a cute anecdote is really scary.

      It’s like both of them have read way too much Edward&Bella Twilight/50 Shades fanfic, and they’re stuck in an awful cosplay together. It makes even more sense when I read Reed was a bit obsessed over Robert Pattinson before he got with Kristen Stewart. It’s like she’s squinting really hard imagining she’s *that* couple people obsess over.


      What’s wrong with that dude’s face. Ugh those poses. He reminds me of a weirder looking less handsome younger version of Eric McKormick from Will and Grace.

      • Lahdidahbaby says:

        To me he looks like he’s morphing into a manic Tom Cruise. And that image goes perfectly with his controlling nature, which I find pretty scary if the pill incident happened the way he so pridefully says it did. I volunteer at a domestic violence shelter sometimes, and this is a story that could easily be told at one of the group therapy sessions there. Ugh. Watch out, Nikki, this is some pretty classic stuff in DV circles.

      • godwina says:

        +1 Lahdidah on the Tom Cruise mania morph.

        Run away.

      • Eaststorm says:

        lol I swear I’ve seen this in an Law and order: svu episode!!

  2. D says:

    If my boyfriend just decided to throw out my birth control pills I would leave him, that’s not cute at all. It’s controlling and creepy.

    • island_girl says:


    • HH says:

      This is creepy and controlling for sure. Maybe… maybe I could understand if he was remorseful now. Along the lines of saying he was so excited to start a family but got overzealous and shouldn’t have made it a unilateral decision.

      Also to be discussed, what sort of friends help out with said decision AND videotape? People are messed up man.

      • D says:

        It sounds like she needs both a better husband and better friends. Real friends would see this as the red flag that it is.

    • Anna says:

      It’s creepy and borderline abusive. I bet one day she will listen back on this and realize

    • QueenElisabeth says:

      i must state I have no feeling for this couple…but I think that statement about throwing out her birth control pills was firmly tongue in cheek.

      • detritus says:

        tentatively agreed. I don’t get that he holds the power here, but I mean, I’ve been wrong before.
        He didn’t secretly do this, he was doing it as a joke in front of her, on camera. She continued banging him afterwards, and it sounds like the two couples had a race to conceive.

        It’s still weird, and them posing it as romantic is bad and sends a bad message. He’s on my highly official watchlist now though.

      • detritus says:

        nope. i was super wrong. I reread the script and i missed some important stuff, and its worse when you read it in its entirety.
        she never saw him do it, she sounds legitimately upset at what he did, he took video of her unknowingly, and she’s been calling him presumptuous about their relationship from the beginning.

        I thought maybe this was a laughy joke thing, because otherwise its straight from Desperate Housewives and couldn’t wrap my head around that.

        This stood out from the full script:
        Reed: I’ve never seen this. Was I drunk? Was I coherent?
        Reed: There’s a video? Why are you always taking a videos of me and I don’t know it?

      • Moon Beam says:

        Um… Detritus thanks for sharing that part because it’s super creepy and adds some context. WTF????

    • Margo S. says:

      I know right?! My boyfriend (now husband) was very involved in our decision of when to start trying for a baby. But, inevitably, I was the one who stop taking them. He’d never dream of throwing out my pills!

      What a controlling creep. And completely aloof. Like, how did you think this would come across?!

    • eeeeetrainnnn says:

      The LIFTS

    • godwina says:

      It’s classic abusive behaviour. Vile.

  3. Maggie says:

    They seem attention-starved

    • Esmom says:

      He does more so than she does. And yikes, I had no idea how creepy and controlling he is. He doesn’t skirt the line, he’s crossed it for sure. Although I don’t know why Nikki didn’t insist on a condom if he threw away her pills. It’s not like they are the only option.

      • Anon33 says:

        Because apparently these days no men use condoms anymore because they “don’t feel as good.” Seriously, ask anyone under say 32. It’s frightening.
        I just had a hysterectomy thank the lord, but I can guarantee no man would be “feeling good” anywhere near me if he had refused to wear condoms when I could get pregnant.

      • Jenny says:

        Anon 33: I’m a 40-year old mom and I hate how condoms feel. They deaden the sensations for me and I don’t orgasm nearly as easily (I have vaginal orgasms and they’re incredible so anything that gets in the way of that I hate). That said, I’ve never in my life had condom-less sex with someone I wasn’t in a committed relationship with and was sure he was clean and good to go. In fact I’ve only ever had unprotected sex with my husband way into the relationship because I love myself and wouldn’t do that to myself. And I’m thinking of STD’s more than pregnancy here.

  4. HelloSunshine says:

    This is beyond creepy and not okay. If my SO threw out my birth control, I would seriously be reconsidering if this is the kind of person I want to be with. Is he just going to bowl over her with parenting decisions? Is he going to decide he wants a second baby one day and throw out her pills without telling her again?

  5. Another Anne says:

    These two are the king and queen of oversharing. And schmaltz. She was that way with her first husband too, everything was “we’re soooo in love” and then 15 minutes later they were divorced. She just seems to live in a perpetual state of high drama, there was lots of it back when she was doing Twilight as well.

    • cate says:

      you make a good point. very try hard but this is disturbing… so violating. you just decide to throw them out without a discussion? that’s beyond controlling. red flag yikes

  6. lala says:

    what a gross story. He sounds like a controlling jerk. Nikki, run, don’t walk, from this guy.

  7. CharlieBouquet says:

    Uh huh. Her eyes say prison relationship. That is so creepy.

  8. Karen says:

    In my ob/gyn bathroom theres a poster for a hotline for domestic abuse and it lists all the different kinds (as I’m pregnant I’m looking at this poster every time I visit)…
    Its not just physical or verbal assault, but it’s about control. Controlling money, friends, activities, etc.; these all count as abusive behavior.

    Controlling your reproductive choices?! WTF dude that’s all messed up. I would not think it was cute if my husband did that, we decided together.

    • lucy2 says:

      That was my first thought too, it seems controlling and abusive. I could easily see that shifting into controlling her career, her friends, her time, etc. Something as major as reproductive choices, timing, etc – that’s a major red flag. MAJOR.

    • BorderMollie says:

      Yes, it’s called reproductive coercion and is a classic abuser tactic. Push a woman to have a kid and she’s not only tied to you for life but often limited or unable to work and thus gain independence. Run if a guy does this!

  9. HeidiM says:

    I guess that’s why he went so hard for the 50 shades movie, he is that character. GROSS

  10. Embee says:

    I will use this as an example to my daughter of the type of man to avoid. I have only unacceptable/unpostable things to say about this human trash/devil/psycho.

  11. MellyMel says:

    Straight up creepy and controlling. He already rubbed me the wrong way for some reason that I could never explain and now I actually have a reason.

  12. Flipper says:

    Too much info.

  13. Adrien says:

    Awww, what a cute story. Then you realize he is a decade older than Nikki. Btw, the other girl he dumped for Nikki was Nina Dobrev and it was Nina who dumped him.

    • TQB says:

      No, he and Nina were over for a while before Nikki came on the scene. There must have been an in between GF. They were still on TVD together but they were done. (It’s possible I spend too much time on Nina’s twitter!)

  14. GreenBunny says:

    This makes me sad, because part of me thinks he’s hot (he has amazing eyes and his really dark hair makes them that more striking) but all of me thinks he’s gross, controlling and creepy.

    • aenflex says:

      I dated a guy that beautiful once. He was a bomb technician. I was hypnotized. I literally quit my career, sold my townhouse and moved across the country to live near him. We had a terrible breakup and I changed permanently.
      He was kinda creepy and controlling like that, too. But so beautiful.
      My fault. Never again.

    • M.A.F. says:

      And I think Nina had more control in that relationship because they hardly ever posed together unless it was work related or talked about each other on social media (as far as I know).

  15. kb says:

    he’s so creepy. i don’t see how people find him attractive at all.

    • Casey says:

      He’s so not attractive. Also despite the shoulder length weird over sprayed hairdo he’s not rocking I can tell he’s thinning in the crown backish part of the head, no surprise at near 40, but it’s hilarious how he’s styling to cover it.

    • magnoliarose says:

      His lifts are in Tom Cruise territory. I don’t like short men because of my height, but if I did, I would not want him to wear lifts.
      His looks aren’t attractive to me. I like sultrier masculine looks and men with hair that isn’t so styled and high maintenance. The hubby has longish hair with some gray strands but he doesn’t spend 30 minutes a day on it, and it is truly a crowning glory. This guy should stop being so vain and insecure he might become attractive if he did.

  16. Angela82 says:

    Gross. WTF did I just read??? Getting serious serial killer vibes.

  17. Jewbitch says:

    Gross. That is all.

  18. Samantha says:

    No way to spin this, super controlling and creepy. He “made the decision” to have kids with his friends, his wife was just informed. The fact that he doesn’t realize how bad this makes him look says a lot.

  19. Squiggisbig says:

    Controlling much?

    Also the biggest sign something is off with him is that he popped out each pill individually rather than just throwing the whole thing away.

    • Chell says:

      Yep, didn’t want to take the chance that she could -gasp- ACTUALLY DISAGREE with his decision and then fish her pills back out of the garbage.


    • Zondie says:

      Why are their “friends” involved in their family planning decisions?

      • cjones says:

        Added pressure to agree/go along with what he wants – same reason some people propose in public or among loves ones.

      • Carrie1 says:

        This answers a recent experience I had with an abusive friend, thanks for raising the point. I’ve struggled to understand it since, even though I didn’t give in, I didn’t understand the point of pushing their friend and who they know, listing names, as a part of their whole control thing.

        Some people scare the crap out of me.

  20. Insomniac says:

    At first I felt sorry for the girl he dumped to be with Nikki, but hell–that girl got off easy. What a controlling creep.

  21. island_girl says:

    I don’t like the sounds of this dynamic and am concerned for her well being physically and mentally in the long run. Now add the baby to this…

    He is also almost 10 years older than she is. I see trouble ahead.

  22. lascivious chicken says:

    Omg not only is it completely terrifying to be with a dude who decides when he’s going to get you pregnant without asking you, just stopping BC in the middle of a cycle can be hell on your body. What if she had an important meeting that she needed to not be a hormonal mess for? What if she gets agonizing periods without BC? Yikes. Can we cancel him please (not that we were watching anyway!)?

  23. OOOHH! says:

    I may be the only here not seeing this as entirely creepy and all “I would end it if it were me”. That’s the thing though, its not you. When I read these summaries, what I see is some (Ian) who is desperate for that family life to the point he would take matters in his own hands, and I then see the other person (Nikki) who willingly allows that decision to be made for her. She seems too passive about what some would consider his aggressive behaviour. I find her complicit from start to finish.

    She stayed with him first night, he stayed with her second night. Another scene, He threw out her pills, the next morning she goes ” uh you did what?” and that’s it.

    They BOTH seem like the same to me. She is just as fully engaged, he actively, she mentally. But hey, that’s how I see it.

    • Samantha says:

      It’s creepy and controlling behavior (in my opinion) no matter how much he wants a baby. I’d say the same if a woman had done it. Also, the fact that she lets him get away with it doesn’t mean it’s okay. That’s the whole point of unhealthy relationship, someone is letting someone else get away with it. I don’t know anything else about them, and I may be getting ahead of myself, but it does sound like the kind of relationship that could turn abusive. And someone may “put up” with abuse too, but it doesn’t make them “complicit”.

      • OOOHH! says:

        @ Samantha, my comment did not intend to mean she was putting up with his underlying abuse (I’m assuming that’s what you took from it), rather, it is saying that there is no abuse because she was fully aware of what was going on and seemed okay with it. I disagree with him throwing out the pills, bit like someone said above, she could have used condoms, she could also have gotten the morning after pill. I’m not on BC, never have but I assume that if you take them before sex and they are gone, you can protect yourself with condoms. If you take them after sex, you can use the morning after pill. Amirite?

        By complicit, I mean as @ CHAR says that there must have been a lot of giggling going on, she is equally responsible for whether she is ready for a baby or not, his ex girlfriend said her not wanting to have a baby yet was a major in the break of their relationship. I find them both to be obsessive over each other and show it in weird ways. I think she has the power to be as emotionally abusive to him as he may be to her.

        Again, I see no difference in them, they are birds of the same plumage. Their over sharing to have the world know how much they’re into each other is too much. I do however believe they’re crazy about each other, this has been consistent since they started dating.

      • Sara says:

        Agreed. I listened to the interview and they were joking around a lot, so I think some of this stuff was exaggerated for “entertainment value”. I thought he did it in front of her, so she knew what was going on. It sounds like they made the decision together to try for a baby and so he sort of pulled the trigger because he was excited. Ian seems like one of those people that is super intense about every little thing. I couldn’t handle that kind of guy, but she seems happy. The massage stuff was creepy, and I’m glad she said so.

      • Kitten says:

        Yeah…I mean for every person screaming “abuse!!” (which it may well be, who knows) none of us actually heard the full conversation, which may read far differently than the transcript version.

        It could be abuse, or it could be that this is just their mutually-consenting, preferred dynamic. FWIW, I know several women who had to push their husbands to have a child, meaning if it were up to just the guy they may have never had kids at all. Not my style at all, and I know it’s not the same in that the dude doesn’t have to carry a child for 9 months but…eh. I’m reserving judgment. For now anyway.

      • magnoliarose says:

        I go back and forth only because I am married to a man who can be controlling but not abusive. He is too used to being in charge, and his first wife is a passive person liked it that way, and his career supports that too.
        His ex-has no desire to have a career, and was raised in a very conservative family. It doesn’t make her unhappy. I had a hard time understanding that since the women in my family are forces of nature but I learned there is a difference between passive and oppressed.

        So she may like him this way. Crazy as it sounds for some of us who would hate it. If he is abusive, I hope she leaves him, but I have no idea if that is true.
        The methodical way he went about it and his reasoning would have been the end of any relationship for me, but I don’t follow Nikki, so I don’t know much about her personality.

    • Char says:

      I agree with you. I also think it’s highly possibly they were drunk or high or both (why else would their friends be there videoing?) & there was a whole lot of giggling going on during this whole encounter. I don’t at all believe that if Nikki had gotten pissed & said no way, I’m not ready yet, Ian would have refused to let her buy more birth control.

      I do think this makes him sound a lot like Damon Salvator, his Vampire Diaries character though.

    • TQB says:

      I don’t entirely agree but I’m a little bit with you. His behavior is creepy, but she did stay and, continue to have (hopefully?) consensual sex with him? I just think it’s like CB says, how does his overly enthusiastic (for lack of a better term) behavior play out if she wants to leave? sure, I can see someone finding his all-consuming passion intoxicating and romantic, but the flip side of that is ugly. We can’t know what would have happened if he’d flushed those pills, she took one look at him, called him a psychopath and caught the next flight home, is what I’m saying. Sadly, most of us are on high alert for red flags because we’ve seen the bad end too many times. I once stopped seeing a guy because he called too soon and was too enthusiastic. He seemed nice and for all I know he was just excited but I had just gotten out of a creepy stalker situation and I was too nervous. If Nikki was my friend and she told me Ian dumped her pills, I’d be pretty worried for her.

      • OOOHH! says:

        @ TQB, totally agree. What Samantha didn’t get or maybe I didn’t explain is that I find that Nikki is perfectly fine with his behaviour. Maybe she finds it romantic, maybe she equates it with love, maybe he thinks he’s showing her how much he cares by going overboard. She is not in mental distress the way real victims are. Her responses towards him approve of and seemingly encourage his behaviour.

        My response would have been: You throw out my birth control, you’re heading out to get the morning after pill or no more sex for you. You FCK that up and I’m getting rid of this baby, do we understand each other? Please don’t try this nonsense again, I’m not a fan. When my uterus is open for business, you’ll be the first to know.

        The bottom line of my comments is that I think she enjoys this behaviour, and I also think that she exacts the same behaviour on him emotionally. They feed off each other in different ways. His we can see and criticise, hers we can’t see but can detect.

      • cr says:

        It’s still controlling even if she’s convinced herself it’s perfectly fine and it’s a game to play.

      • Anon33 says:

        I am SERIOUSLY SO SICK Of these comments: “well she kept sleeping with him didnt she? Therefore, not abuse!”

        Educate yourselves about abusive dynamics. PLEASE. You’re all so, so wrong.

        I also know PLENTY of women who sleep with their “non-abusive” SOs when they don’t actually want sex. It’s called rape culture. LOOK IT UP.

        Signed, someone who apparently cannot claim rape or abuse because I stayed with my abusive partner due to fear he would literally murder me.


      • Kitten says:

        But Anon33 you are speaking as if you emphatically know that this is an abusive relationship? People here are simply exploring a different view, not dismissing accounts of abuse. I’m fairly certain the comments would be VERY different if Nikki said she was abused by Ian.

        And again, maybe she is being abused but I think it’s odd to say with certainty that she is when none of us know for sure. Actors are prone to exaggerate in interviews–they are entertainers, it’s what they do.

        That being said, I’m sorry for what you went through and I 100% agree with you that too often we dismiss victims of abuse because “well why didn’t they leave then?” I just don’t think that’s what is happening here in the comments–at least not the impression I got.

    • lucy2 says:

      “Ian: There’s a six minute video where she’s freaking out.”

      That doesn’t sound like she passively went along with it.

      • OOOHH! says:

        “He just popped them out in his hand”, ” Lindsay took the video on my phone”.

      • lucy2 says:

        I’m not sure what those quotes are pointing to.
        To me, based on her description, she was upset. But no one was there but them and their friends, who knows. Just based on this little overshare from them, my gut feeling is that he’s got control issues, and that can be a form of abuse. I’m not sure I’m comfortable calling her complicit in the whole thing if that is their dynamic.

    • Samantha says:

      @ooohhh: I understand your point better now, thanks. But regardless of her reaction, I find what he described to be very problematic. The story is his own version, and it makes him sound too entitled. I feel that way regardless of the fact that Nikki joined in with the jokes. She has a child now and is obviously happy about having her so the story of how she came to be can’t be bitter of course.
      I understand your point that you’re seeing his behavior in the context of her reaction, but I don’t think that is the only gauge of acceptable behaviour in all cases. People may be inappropriate/unfair to one another without the recieving end minding it. It doesn’t change how their behavior can be perceived in isolation, IMO.

      • OOOHH! says:

        @ Samantha, true the way he describes it sounds problematic, creepy and does give cause to raise an eyebrow, and yes I agree that her response to the situation is not the only gauge. Mostly I’m pointing out that there is more than one person with a screw loose and both need to be highlighted (if you care to), rather than JUST comments of “he’s a creep and classic abuser” which no one knows for sure. Both of them need to be educated rather than just one person immediately accused. For all we know, he isn’t even aware that he comes across this way. It helps to educate and advise the would be abusers rather than just casting them aside to somehow discover their own revelation. Also advise to partners who think that excess and extraness equates love, because it doesn’t.

        I’m sure that if Ian was son/brother to you all, you would hope to correct him first and not attack him in such a way as these comments. My tuppence.

        @Samantha, thanks for understanding what I was trying to explain in several posts. Lol.

  24. minx says:


  25. perplexed says:

    Well, now I can see why things didn’t work out with Nina Dobrev!

  26. jugil1 says:

    What a controlling jerk! And having someone film her reaction??? He is a control freak. It’s all charming in the early stages, but later it will become her nightmare.

  27. Merritt says:

    The story grossed me out. Throwing out or tampering with a woman’s contraception is a big red flag.

  28. Joanie says:

    Any psychologist will tell you that reproductive coercion is abuse. This will not end well.

  29. JustJen says:

    I suspect Nina Dobrev is breathing a sign of relief right now. I couldn’t watch 50 Shades. Why they chose Jamie Dornan over this guy, I’ll never know.

  30. DragonWise says:

    What Ian so “romantically” described is a form of domestic violence called “reproductive abuse.” I work for PP, and our education programs include info on this form of abuse because it is so underplayed and insidious. These abusers want to control all choices, and impose their timelines. They know how hard and vulnerable a time pregnancy is, and they want to ensure that their SO doesn’t leave them. The women are usually already abused/controlled before the birth control is denied or destroyed, and since they may have wanted children anyway at some point, and our society has a very misogynistic view of what is romantic, they minimize and laugh off the abuse. Some abusers, after their SO is essentially forced to conceive, will actually stalk or kidnap their SO to make sure they don’t ferminate until its too late to have option. I hope Nikki seeks help because all the red flags are flying at once!

    • CynicalAnn says:

      I seem to recall the nurse (after I delivered-maybe the next day) shooing dh out of the room and asking about that. I remember just saying “Huh???” And yes-this story is not remotely “cute” or “romantic.” It’s totally controlling.

  31. littlemissnaughty says:

    Okay, I feel like everyone, including the posters here, is a bit dramatic. First of all, these two are so extra, why do we believe all of this? They may be exaggerating. Second, it’s not like he poked holes into a condom. He threw out the pills without asking which is a douche move and he should be told as much but these are pills you take. You notice when they’re gone. So she discovers what he did and just goes with it? She could’ve said dude, I now I need to get a new prescription, no sex for you until that’s fixed.

    I feel like they have a terrible understanding and intepretation of romance but calling it abuse is a bit much.

    • Char says:

      Yes, agreed. I think someone needs to tell them that this is not a story they should share though, because obviously everyone thinks it sounds creepy. This is a story they can tell their friends & family who know them & know how to read the situation. Obviously they both think this is a cute story, which may make them weirdos, but I have no reason to believe he is abusive, just dumb for thinking this was a good story to share publicly.

    • Jess says:

      There are obviously different types of abuse, I find this to be mild and manipulative abuse. It’s also a little telling on their dynamics, or maybe how he thinks he controls her. Sure it’s not beating her up or calling her names but it is abuse, would it be different if he decided she shouldn’t take say her diabetes or high blood pressure pills? He made a decision about her body that had consequences without consulting her first, and went through her personal belongings. That’s not ok, but you’re right and maybe we shouldn’t label him an abuser because that’s pretty damaging, maybe he’s just clueless, who knows.

      • Char says:

        I guess I should add that I read this on another site that included the fact that Nikki was laughing all through this story and made it sound like they had indeed agreed to have a baby, she just didn’t realize he meant it was going to start that night. It also alluded to the fact that they were all drinking, which is probably why the friend was filming. I guess I am reading the context differently due to the other article I read. There are plenty of times this situation would sound creepy af to me, but the way I read this makes me feel like they are playing up this story because they think it sounds cute. I also think they are both just overly dramatic, think they are living in a romantic movie type of people. They’ve both talked about watching each other sleep, so they seem to be “that couple” who can’t leave each other alone for 5 minutes, always overly lovey dovey, etc. I think this sounds romantic to the both of them. That’s just my take.

      • Kitten says:

        “There are plenty of times this situation would sound creepy af to me, but the way I read this makes me feel like they are playing up this story because they think it sounds cute.”

        Same. Let’s hope that we’re right, for Nikki’s sake.

    • Kitten says:

      I’m with you and said something similar above.

    • Snowflake says:

      Yeah. I agree with you. He did it in front of her, not like he was trying to hide it. She could have said, no, eff you, and went and got more birth control. He didn’t do it behind her back. Also, for the massage thing, he was just trying to help her feel better.

  32. Paige says:

    This sounds like my husband. (10 yr anniversary today) Taking me on awesome trips, proposing on international TV in front of like 100 million people, charming/smart/handsome/fit/ambitious. After having twins via in-vitro, he “forbid” me to take BC (he said I would not get pregnant since we had so much difficulty conceiving before and my sister also has a blood clots resulting from taking birth control pills). Well, of course I got pregnant right as he was starting law school. That situation brought me to the edge of a nervous breakdown. Fast forward six years and, while I still love him dearly, all sorts of issues have been revealed. It definitely is HIS world and I’m just living in it.

    • Harla says:

      I’m so sorry Paige, you shouldn’t have to be an “extra” in someone elses life. I feel for you 🙁

      • Paige says:

        Thanks Harla. It’s definitely not all bad, we just have intense personality conflicts sometimes. And we grew up with extremely different family situations (mine MUCH more loving and normal than his).
        I hope Nikki remembers her power and worth should things ever sour.
        I haven’t left a comment in forever but I just want to thank the ladies here for giving me a daily dose of sanity (I live in the middle of Trump country).

    • Jess says:

      Awe Paige I’m so sorry. I know it’s easier said than done and being on the outside looking in is different, but never forget it’s your body and you get to make the decisions concerning it. Don’t be afraid to use your voice and stand up for what YOU want, it’s your world too😄

  33. Sway says:

    This couple and especially Ian is so try hard, it’s ridiculous. He’s demanding, controlling and a little like Santa on antidepressants. And she’s just really, reaaallyyyy insecure.

  34. Tiny Martian says:

    She looks beautiful, i absolutely love the dress, and his behaviour was unconscionable. Not okay at. all.

  35. S says:

    This is not a cute or romantic anecdote. That neither of those people doing the telling don’t realize that is … disturbing.

  36. Erica_V says:

    This is not a cute or romantic story – this is controlling abusive behavior. & her saying “Why do you always take videos without my knowing” is creepy AF!!!! That’s so totally not OK.

    You in danger girl.

  37. bellebottomblues says:

    Its creepy yes. It also seems kind of symbolic which they both have to know…. After all, she could get it refilled with a phone call and refrain from sex or use a condom till then.
    They’re both overly dramatic for sure.

  38. The Original Mia says:

    Echoing what others have said. That’s neither cute nor romantic. That’s controlling.

  39. Veronica says:

    I’m cautiously assuming he was being facetious, but that wasn’t the wisest thing to say considering that’s an actual method of control abusive men use against their female partners.

  40. Amy says:

    This all sounds very Fifty Shades of Grey to me, which was basically the abusive relationship handbook. She was too drunk and had to sleep over the first night. He immediately follows to Georgia and sleeps over in her hotel the next night. He has a special massage room where he surprises her with intimate things like a massage from him when she is not expecting him to give the massage. He decided important things about their relationship and throws away her birth control without asking. He then enlists his friends to film her without her knowledge which she is surprised about and says is a recurring thing. “Why are there all these videos of me that I don’t know about!?” When else has he filmed her without her consent? During sex? But she is somehow convinced now that these things are cute or romantic. Scary.

  41. JA says:

    My husband once joked he would Just throw away my birth control pills and we’d see what happened! I gave him a death stare he immediately started laughing and swearing to God he never do something so stupid/ crazy. Jesus Ian sounds like a grade A nutjob and she sounds oblivious to what he is. This couple is going to implode and it will be nuclear!

  42. Jess says:

    Yeah, I saw this on People last night and got upset for her, this is not cute or funny and he sounds like a controlling jerk. The ONLY way this would be somewhat acceptable is if they discussed prior and she was ready but he wasn’t, and she told him to let her know when he was, if she said something along the lines, “I’m ready whenever you are so just let me know when I need to stop taking birth control”, but even then going through her personal belongings and throwing out a medication she had no way to get refilled in another country is not ok.

    I haven’t cared for him since I saw that video of him yelling at his fans about how he was taking a “me” day and wouldn’t sign autographs. Get over yourself bro.

    • Paige says:

      Thanks for the kind words Jess. On a more positive note, when I had a C-section for “surprise baby”, I also had my tubes tied (my decision alone). To clarify, when I said that my husband forbid me from taking BC, it was more that he was concerned about me getting life threatening blood clots and he was truly convinced that I could not get pregnant due to our fertility issues. He begged me not to take it and I acquiesced. I am generally the opposite of a pushover. And I am almost 5 years older than my husband so that is a different dynamic than Nikki and Ian.

  43. gene123 says:

    No one should touch anyone’s contraceptives behind their back.

  44. What's Inside says:

    I believe she has issues from her childhood and did actually win emancipation as a teenager. I suspect that this relationship has many unrevealed facets that the two of them are going to have to work through during this marriage. Nikki looks much changed since the baby arrived in a very good way. Hate the dress.

  45. Lucy says:

    …Gosh. Creepy and just wrong. I know she’s a grown woman, but I can’t help but worry about her.

  46. emma33 says:

    Boy oh boy…reading the headline I thought that was going to be some cute anecdote where they decided to go for it and had a little ceremony where he threw away the birth control pills.

    But no! She was overseas, and he just went into her bag and popped out all the pills then FILMED HER REACTION. Seriously, there is more than one red flat in that story. She’s probably going along with it now because she can’t feel the difference between controling and romantic.

  47. Call me AL says:

    On Law & Order: SVU Olivia calls these type of men “reproductive abusers”.

  48. Her Higness says:

    he committed reproductive abuse. thats domestic violence sheesh.

  49. Neens says:

    This is not a cute anecdote. I hope she has the strength to leave him once she gets tired of being controlled.

  50. Shannon says:

    Ugh. He reminds me of my second son’s dad. He did the same; I already had one son who was 11 and yeah, this guy came on pretty strong. And yeah, I was just dumb enough to find it romantic and I had my second son with him. After I finally wizened up and left, he made my life a living hell. Broke into my apartment and stole things, waged an online war against me, hacked into my e-mail, you name it. I was so relieved when he moved out to California but I still cringe when I see his name in my inbox. Every few months he tells me he can’t wait for me to die. Careful, Nikki.

  51. Cee says:

    No. Just no. This is abuse. It’s similar to when men take their time to put on a condom and they slip in “just a bit, nothing can happen” and get mad when you tell them off.

  52. Electric Tuba says:

    Let me tell you, I would have handled this differently if I were her.

    HOWEVER, this kind of thing is why Plan B must always be available over the counter, without showing ID, without permission of a parent or partner, and with no stigma attached. Because people are terrible and ridiculous and think this kind of behavior is at all tolerable.

    This is why abortion needs to stay safe, anonymous, stigma free, and none of your neighbors damn business and accessible without permission from partner or parent. (If you’re a parent that would force a teen to have a baby, you are messed the hell up and you can stick your replies to me right up your church hole)

    Children conceived and born this way are ways to stay connected to the mother for life. You can call the men who do this controll diggers or abusive.

    Nothing about this is cute. Some dumb fan is reading this as romance somewhere and will be less likely to see red flags in real life.

    Happy Friday

  53. Alexis says:

    I wouldn’t stay with someone who did that to me. I understand that she couldn’t just get more pills because they were overseas…. but couldn’t she have cut him off from sex until she could get more? Then she could have called the doc and got more pills when they got back to the US. I find what he did as very controlling, but also find it bizarre that she allowed it, and now sees it as cute/romantic. I would say or he could have worn a condom, but then he probably would have just poked holes in it. What a messed up situation.

    Also, filming her when she is not aware of it? She must be very docile. My SO would have to sleep with one eye open if he ever did that to me.

  54. Char says:


    And Nikki’s already responded, like I thought she would, except I expected her to say something like “I am having to defend the love of my life from cruel gossip….” Nothing overly dramatic, just that everyone is twisting a funny story between a couple to create gossip.

  55. vesper nite says:

    Ian is ruining my Damon Salvatore fantasies! And this behavior is way controlling and scary, I know from experience. Funny but I always thought that Nikki looked a bit uncomfortable around him, not as relaxed. He seems to be a very overwhelming personality. She always looks unsure.

  56. hogtowngooner says:

    Nopenopenopenope. It’s borderline abusive to dispose of your spouse’s prescription drugs without their knowledge or consent. Even if they agreed to start trying for a baby, it’s Nikki’s choice when and how she weans off her birth control pills.

    I’m not sure how it works in the US but here in Ontario, if I were to misplace my pack of BC pills, I’d have to make an appointment with my doctor, get a note for a replacement pack and pay out of pocket (since my insurance plan won’t cover a replacement).

  57. CommentingBunny says:

    From the love-bombing to taking videos of her without her knowledge to throwing out her BC to control her body and reproductive choices, this guy is a straight up, classic abuser.

  58. Char says:


    And here’s the more dramatic statement, which is what I expected. I thought she was calling the day he threw away her birth control pills one of the happiest days of her life, but now I think she meant the day she had her baby? Either way, she saying she was completely consenting in this decision, but from the looks of her Twitter, the people who’ve already formed an opinion won’t change their minds now.

  59. Emily says:

    Didn’t he frequently hang out with Nikki while he was with Nina and she was with Paul McDonald? Something doesn’t add up unless they tried to be friends for years since they weren’t single at the same time?

    • Parigo says:

      Right?? Nikki and Nina were friends so Ian must have met her before. It’s like he’s trying to reinvent their story.

  60. Spring says:

    It’s true that none of us were present to witness what really happened, but this is their publicly stated, joint story of events. Nothing about it, including their lack of awareness, is funny, sweet, or loving. Neither of them sounds skilled in the area of healthy boundaries — not with each other, their friends, or their oversharing with the outside world. With a spouse & friends like these, who needs betrayers?

    It’s clear that some commenters & Nikki herself — likely Ian, too — believe that this kind of negative reaction is unfounded & wrong. There’s a highly predictable set of escalating behaviors, however, that unfailingly correlates to the dynamics between people in abusive relationships. That’s what has people’s attention.

    Maybe their relationship will stay where it is, which IMHO is plenty bad enough; maybe it will get worse; maybe it will be great for both of them. But their story’s full of classic red flags that cause justifiable concern for those who know the signs of an abusive relationships.

    Nikki’s response — that others who find the story alarming & not funny are guilty of twisting it around — isn’t reassuring, either. It’s a predictable response from someone who’s in denial & making excuses for a relational power imbalance & bad behavior. Maybe that’s not the case, but It’s also not like either of them has said, “You know, now that we think about it, we can see why some of you find parts of our story concerning. Thanks for caring & for bringing the very important topic of abusive vs. healthy relationships to everyone’s attention, including ours.”

  61. Amanda says:

    Ew. I hope this isn’t true, or just a joke, like they discussed having children and when they decided it was time, he threw out her pills or something.

  62. Lauraq says:

    My husband did some things that could be construed as creepy when we were first messing around-I came home from a run one evening and he was asleep in his car outside my building-but he would never mess with my BC. That just ain’t right.

  63. Anon73 says:

    Everyone has an opinion and all of you are so eager to share it. He very well may be controlling and “creepy” and any other adjective you’d like to use to describe him but the bottom line is simply this: He’s not your husband….he’s Nikki’s and she seems happy and very much in love with this man who is now also the father of her child. It’s so easy to form an opinion from the outside looking in. However, geez, I’ve read so many comments statibg that she’s “a victim”, “in an abusive relationship”, “in danger”. All you armchair psychologists are rather amusing. She seems perfectly fine with her marriage, her new baby and her life.

  64. Steph says:

    Ummmm… she 100% could’ve refused sex after this. Creepy yes. Abusive no.

  65. catmom says:

    He sounds exhausting. My skin is crawling.

  66. NewKay says:

    1. What he did is abuse.

    2. Isn’t this the plot of the Big Little Lies show- cohersive control.

    This man is an abuser clear and simple- she just doesn’t realize she’s in an absuivenrelationship.

  67. Anon88 says:

    It’s obviously all about control for him. That’s never good. The part about him throwing out HER birth control pills – it’s not a cute couples story. The whole thing is straight up abusive since it’s her body, her pills and not his. How would he like it if she made decisions like that for him and put him on video? Not at all. Big red flag there. Esp. the part about him having her on video w/o her agreeing to it and it sounds like it happens all the time? Wtf. If someone did that to me, I would be tempted to kick him in the nuts and then absolutely leave him. I would be out of that relationship in a hot second. What is she going to tell her child? Dad threw out all my birth control without my consent so we could have you? And he put it on video. Ugh. Reminds me of a modern day, celebrity version of The Handmaid’s Tale.

    Her defensive comments that came later say it all for me. She may be trying to protect her child. You tend to never know (or there’s absolute denial of the situation) that you’re in a controlling and/or abusive relationship until you’re well out of it. I do feel sorry for her. I hope she has a good lawyer. And later on, a therapist.

  68. godwina says:

    Holy. Sh!t.

  69. Sparkly says:

    Wow, that sounds awful. And then they videoed her reactions and she didn’t know about it? He’s just dropping red flags everywhere and not even caring. Gross.

  70. Jenny says:

    I think people are overreacting about this in this thread, because he obviously didn’t throw them out in secret behind her back. She had full control over whether to have unprotected sex with the dude or not after he did that. Was it creepy and immature? Sure. But she’s a grown woman and doesn’t need a brigade on Celebitchy to tell her whether her relationship is abusive or not. And no one can tell whether a relationship is abusive or not from the outside anyways.

    • Anon88 says:

      Let me put it this way with a quote from Gloria Steinem that shows me his behavior goes beyond the creepy and immature (taken out of context here, since she was also referring to women in politics) “They won’t take us seriously. We’re just talking wombs”.

      He took control over her body away from her. End of story. Your actual physical body is affected when you suddenly go off the pill like that. To me what he did was a form of public and private humiliation, abuse and a violation of her body. It’s her body, her choice and it’s not his right to take that away. If she did something like that to him, I wouldn’t call that creepy. I would call it criminal.

      And I’ll end with a Steinem classic – “If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.”

      • Anon88 says:

        It’s a site about celebrities – hence the difference of opinions on Celebitchy. Freedom of choice. No one is telling you to read any of this Jenny and Anon73! Or comment. That you do just shows you’re interested…like the rest of us.

    • Anon73 says:

      THANK you, Jenny!

  71. emma33 says:

    So, I was sick and bored today and I listened to almost all of that excruciatingly long interview. I have to say, their interactions and other stories don’t really give off a controlling vibe on his part.

    She comes off as in control, organized, and she spoke more than him. She seems smarter than him, he’s a bit of a dope. He tries to use big words and sound all profound, but he’s like a poor man’s Brad Pitt. She’s a lot more articulate. She also joked a couple of times about him being absent-minded and forgetful, so I came away with the impression that she is the planner of the two.

    He is intense though, and he talks in extremes all the time. Everything had to be either amazing or terrible, no shades of grey. That was the only red flag that I got, his desire for intensity and extremes. But, apart from that, they just seemed like a really OTT couple.

    No surprise, they want more kids.

    • Anon88 says:

      “No surprise, they want more kids.” Did he make the decision about that too? Like I said above, it’s her body and her choice. Plus, they’ve just had a baby. Isn’t that a little premature at best?

  72. Betsy says:

    That is one of the most disgusting and abusive stories I’ve ever read, in part because they’re playing it off like it’s adorable. Nope. Absolutely vomitatious.

  73. Amelia says:

    He gives me a real Tom Cruise vibe.

    Run, Nikki, run! Katie Holmes can advise you!