P!nk on her marriage: there are ‘times when you haven’t had sex in a year’

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P!nk, who is no stranger to pouring out her heart in her music, gave The Guardian an inside look at her personal life in an interview promoting her (awesome) new album, Beautiful Trauma.

The 38-year-old singer has been married to Carey Hart for 11 years and they have two adorable kids, six-year-old daughter Willow and nine-month old son Jameson. P!nk, in addition to being a complete bad-ass, is also a dedicated, loving mother, who wants nothing more than for her kids to be strong. She used her speech when receiving the MTV Vanguard Award back in August to show her daughter that, as she put it, “We don’t change. We help other people to change, so they can see more kinds of beauty.” When discussing that moment with The Guardian, P!nk seemed to have mixed feelings about her sentiments, stating, “I think it’s beautiful, because it was an experience that my daughter and I had, and if it can make somebody else feel better about themselves, then I’m all for it. But it’s sad that it resonated with that many people. I hate how much we hate ourselves, and I hate how young it is now. It’s hard to watch.”

P!nk also talked about her marriage during the interview. It’s not been all rainbows and unicorns for the couple, who have taken a few breaks over the course of their union. And P!nk comes off as (maybe too) relatable in discussing how she feels about Carey on any given day. I’ve not been married for a few years, but I can totally identify – how many of us have felt this way about our partner?

“There are moments where I look at [Hart] and he is the most thoughtful, logical, constant…he’s like a rock. He’s a good man. He’s a good dad. He’s just the kind of dad I thought he’d be and then some. And then I’ll look at him and go: I’ve never liked you. There’s nothing I like about you. We have nothing in common. I don’t like any of the shit you like. I don’t ever wanna see you again. Then two weeks later I’m like, things are going so good, you guys. Then you’ll go through times when you haven’t had sex in a year. Is this bed death? Is this the end of it? Do I want him? Does he want me? Monogamy is work! But you do the work and it’s good again.”

[From The Guardian]

The not having sex in a year bit is easy to comprehend when you think about P!nk’s touring schedule. But, also, marriage. I know I got to the “I’ll race you to sleep” part of my marriage after being together for many years. Again, at least for me, totally relatable – and not in a red flag kind of way.

As for Carey, he was in full proud husband mode over P!nk’s third appearance on Saturday Night Live. On Friday, Carey posted a photo of his daredevil wife on her motorcycle (the same one that he gave her as a “push present” after Jameson’s birth) with the caption “Congrats to my bad ass wife @pink !!!!! She can do it all. Bad ass biker woman, amazing mother, best friend, and platinum selling artists! Congrats on the amazing album release today, and I can’t wait to see you kick ass on Saturday Night Live tomorrow! Love you baby.”

And, after his wife knocked it out of the park on the show, singing “What About Us” and “Beautiful Trauma” (no, really, she did), Carey posted a photo of P!nk on stage, gushing “Wifey absolutely slayed #SNL tonight. Very proud of you baby.”

Wifey absolutely slayed #SNL tonight. Very proud of you baby.

A post shared by Carey Hart (@hartluck) on

I love these two. All couples go through their ups and downs, and I’m glad Carey and P!nk survived.

The bands back together #snl #beautifultrauma

A post shared by P!NK (@pink) on

🤘🏽 thanks, SNL

A post shared by P!NK (@pink) on

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Photos: Getty Images, WENN.com

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105 Responses to “P!nk on her marriage: there are ‘times when you haven’t had sex in a year’”

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  1. hallie says:

    they’ve always had a toxic, up and down relationship. it’s in her statements and her music. i don’t believe for one moment that her marriage is good or healthy.

    • ArchieGoodwin says:

      well, you’d know.

      • hallie says:

        as well as anyone else here who’s proud they’ve overcome.

      • ArchieGoodwin says:

        Everyone’s got a story. It’s different to relate to something, without fostering your own experiences and judgement onto them. You aren’t in her relationship, ergo, you’ve no idea what the day to day life of it is. You can project your own experiences, but that just hurts you.

        Not starting something, truly, just food for thought.

      • Crowdhood says:

        Archie I just died laughing!

    • Tiffany :) says:

      I don’t think that “up and down” relationships are necessarily toxic. It depends on the reason for the up and down.

    • Sabrine says:

      Her hubby is hot….uh huh, worth hanging on to.

  2. Froggy says:

    I LOVE Pink. I said this yesterday that pink & her husband go a year without sex and my male cousin who was over goes ‘yeah SHE’S not having sex for a year. Trust me he is.’ While I disagree with my cousin’s gross view, I’ve been married for 24 years and sex is still a big part of my marriage. A year is a LOOOONG time.

    • QueenB says:

      I doubt Pink was celibate for a year.

      • Plantpal says:

        why? it’s really not that hard when the one you’ve committed to, and made kids with, and you’re committed to cannot be with you…….

      • Kitten says:

        Yeah I’m confused as to why so many people are taking what was clearly a hyperbolic statement literally. Obviously she was exaggerating for effect; to be funny.

      • Wren says:

        I took it as hyperbole too. It probably feels like a year sometimes. She has a very busy life.

      • Lahdidahbaby says:

        What Kitten said.

    • M. says:

      Agreed! After fifteen years together, my hubby and I have barely ever gone a few days without sex lol

    • Isabelle says:

      Think thats actually very wrong. Men aren’t always as sex hungry as we have been lead to believe, especially after age 40 50, middle age. Many marriages its the men who don’t want to have sex, are the ones not giving it, don’t make time for sex. It is a myth its the men being shunned from sex and one we don’t talk about and hide.

    • magnoliarose says:

      She was just dramatic to make a point, and I understand that.

      One of the areas my hubby and I are alike is our ridiculous attraction to each other, and I like that it is my partner in life. Intimacy has always been important, and it has never waned or cooled off. If anything it is the opposite.
      That part of a relationship has to be nurtured, and it helps if the couple is compatible or else it can become a huge issue that causes other areas to break down.
      If one of us ever began rejecting the other, it would mean we need to talk cause there’s trouble.

  3. Alissa says:

    I really like pink, and I totally agree that sometimes you can look at them and say nope I can’t stand you, and sometimes you look at them and think they are the greatest thing that ever happened to you. But on the flip side, a year is a really long time to not have sex. we’ve been together for 6 years, which I understand is only half of pink and Carey, but the longest we’ve ever gone was a week.

    • menutia says:

      Married 10 years, together 11/12. 3 months is the longest (post baby). I agree everyone has times where they’re happy or they’re annoyed with a partner, but I don’t think everything she says is the experience of everyone, as it’s sometimes implied for some reason. . My husband and I have never taken “breaks” in our marriage either, for example.

  4. Hmmnottoday says:

    I can honestly say that I don’t relate to any of her comments? I’ve been married 9 years with two kids and through some very tough situations… I’ve never thought foabout a second that I didn’t like my husband, even a little bit. We’re best friends.

    • Sophia's Side eye says:

      Yeah, if I had that thought about someone, I’d be leaving them. I think that’s sad and I’d be hurt if someone I loved thought that about me. But I also feel that she’s exaggerating in order to be funny.

    • MiniMii says:

      Same here. I’ve been married for 25 years, and while I’ve been angry with my husband from time to time, I’ve never thought “I don’t like you”. He is the love of my life and my best friend. It actually hurts to think of looking at him and thinking that.

  5. Hmmnottoday says:

    I can honestly say that I don’t relate to any of her comments? I’ve been married 9 years with two kids and through some very tough situations… I’ve never thought even for a second that I didn’t like my husband, even a little bit. We’re best friends.

    • Hmmnottoday says:

      Oops somehow commented twice. But yeah, a year is a really long time! WTH. I think we’ve gone 3-4 days before excluding out of town weeks.

  6. Agent Fang says:

    Some older couples don’t have sex at all and it’s not an issue. At what age is it socially.acceptable for a couple to be post sexual without it meaning the realationship is dead?

    • Esmom says:

      I had a therapist who said it’s not an issue if both people are ok with that but if one is not then it’s most definitely can be a huge issue. I wonder a bit about Pink, she’s said things in the past, too, that have made me wonder how healthy their relationship really is.

      • KLO says:

        @Esmom I think they both have huge issues from their childhood homes. I also think they are doing their best to have a family together and stay together, even if it does not always work so well. I commend them for that. It would surely be easier for both of them to just find a new spouse instead of owning their shit and facing each other once again after something has gone wrong. This shit takes character.

    • NeoCleo says:

      I lost interest in sex after I had a total hysterectomy. Hormone therapy didn’t help–nothing I tried medically made a difference and sex became so painful I couldn’t just be a passive partner.

      I let my husband know that it’s not personal and that it wouldn’t matter who I was with–I have zero interest and couldn’t deal with the painful aspect of sex. I told him that if he could not live with our being good close friends without benefits that I would divorce him without rancor so he could meet someone else. He stayed. We are in our sixties. I feel certain that this would be a much bigger issue if we were younger. I’m grateful that he decided to remain married to me. I still love him.

      • Darla says:

        I had a total hysterectomy last year, and though sex has not become painful, I have much less desire and worse, I’ve lost the ability to orgasm. I don’t know if it’s physcological in my case. Because there doesn’t seem to be any medical reason to prevent orgasm. I dunno. I am happy your husband stayed with you. It’s definitely affecting my marriage. I’m 52

      • Pandakeeper says:

        I love reading this. It makes me happy to hear about loving couples who really care.

  7. Astrid says:

    This doesn’t sound healthy. Obviously I’m not a famous star but to consider yourself married and not have sex for a year seems like a warning sign.

    • ell says:

      a year without some external circumstances contributing to it (such as physical or mental illnesses which can really impact sex life) sounds like a very long time, but sex isn’t equally important to everyone. some people have lower sex drives, so they’re good without it for some time. i wouldn’t necessarily assume it’s a warning sign without knowing how other aspects of the relationship work.

      • Sarah says:

        Also, it could have been a year when she was pregnant, breast-feeding, recovering from child birth – we don’t know the circumstances. I think her comments are honest and most in a long-term relationship can find grains of truth in everything she says. If you’re in it for the long haul – is a year really all that long?

      • matchatea says:


        biology and every sex/couples/marriage therapist disagrees with this concept. I can’t recommend enough that if you believe that and are living it, please go see a therapist that works specifically in marriage counseling, immediately.

        Sex is CRUCIAL. Even for older couples. STDs are a big problem in older people homes precisely BC Old People Have Sex. Even in their 70s and 80s and 90s!

        Sex is non-negotiable in a healthy relationship. Anybody that says otherwise needs to go see a professional asap.

      • ell says:

        you literally don’t know anything about me, and you’re telling me to go see a therapist lol. thank you stranger on the internet, such precious advice.

      • HH says:

        @Matcha – Blanket statements AND doling out advice to strangers on their personal lives? You internet well. The importance varies from person to person and couple to couple. As long as the couple is on the same page and happy, that’s what matters.

  8. ArchieGoodwin says:

    Thanks for the morning laugh, Pink. I can totally relate to looking at my husband sometimes and thinking “wtf was I thinking?” and I 100% he sometimes has felt the same.

  9. Nancy says:

    Yipes. I know there are moments I look over at my husband and think who are you….lol! But, I can’t for a moment imagine going a year without relations, that must be when she put on all the weight, ha! Their marriage has never been conventional, but it seems to work out for them. She’s honest, not one of those so blindly in love and then divorced after a few years. So what! I’m A Rock Star…..

  10. Charlie says:

    “We don’t change. We help other people to change…”. I’m really struggling with this sentiment.

    You can’t change anyone but yourself. If what she means is we influence people, okay, but otherwise??

    • Franklymydear... says:

      I took it as, we don’t change our bodies to suit other people’s ideas of what our bodies should look like. We change other people’s minds about what’s important about a woman (and it’s NOT her weight or her looks). That’s what I thought she meant.

  11. manda says:

    I can relate to some of her comments, but I also probably don’t have the healthiest marriage. I definitely think “I don’t like you” about my husband at times. But then other times, I’m like, OMG SO IN LOVE.

    I remember Cary Hart (is that his name?) was on the surreal life (on VH1) and was SO reasonable. He just came across as very normal and nice

  12. monette says:

    Hello! She had 2 babies. Maybe she didn’t feel like having sex while pregnant and then after the baby came, it took a few months to get the drive back.

    • Mandymc says:

      Exactly. Especially if a doctor puts you on pelvic rest. It also takes a while to heal and if you’re nursing it’s common to lose your sex drive.

      • Sarah says:

        YES! Exactly. Being pregnant, breast-feeding, recovering from child-birth – my god it’s a lot! If you’re in it for the long haul – is a year really all that long?? Time flies. If communication was open and they were on the same page about it, I don’t think a year is that big of deal at all, especially for a new mom!

    • I’m With The Band says:

      I had my son three year years ago and my libido still hasn’t recovered. I often joke to my partner that when they removed our son from my stomach, they removed my mojo too. We can go a couple of weeks without sex. My libido is so low that I rarely feel randy anymore (pre-baby is another story!). I find myself giving it over to him because I sometimes worry he thinks it’s him, when it’s not.

  13. HelloSunshine says:

    Every couple is different and maybe not having sex for a year (which is probably a bit of an exaggeration?) isn’t a huge deal to them? Between touring, recording, kids, etc., I can imagine sex isn’t necessarily on the top of the list. I know my husband and I personally couldn’t go a year but everyone has different sex drives and needs so I believe it.

  14. Beth says:

    Her description of how her feelings about her husband often completely change, is part of the reason that I’m not married yet. It happens in relationships, and it’s probably not just the womans feelings that flip flop

    • KLO says:

      good point Beth.

      Someone once said that people stay together as long as only one of them feels like ending the relationship. When both partners feel like ending it at the same time, it is done. I dont knwo what to think of it but I get why someone would say this.

    • BorderMollie says:

      Same. I don’t want to get stuck in a marriage/kids situation and later find myself completely trapped by my own choices when my mind changes. I have such a changeable mind too, I can’t even keep up a commitment to having a twitter account let alone a kid lol!

  15. Honeybadger says:

    People have been latching on to the one-year statement. If you read what she said, it comes off as hyperbole — to me anyway. She didn’t actually say “they” went a year without sex.

  16. Corrine says:

    I think it’s weird that societally we have a tendency to equate frequent sex with a good relationship. I honestly feel like it’s an insidious part of the patriarchy. Then again, I’ve been single for two years and have had no sex in that time, so I recognize that at this point I’m looking at it from a different angle. I used to think I couldn’t go a week in a relationship without sex. Lol. I think that was a fallacy.

    • Wren says:

      It is weird isn’t it? It’s literally the only marker people seem to think is important. My husband and I have been through some shit and yeah, it affected our sex life, so by that measuring stick our relationship was dead. But going by every other measurement possible we were quite strong. Sex is important but it isn’t everything and basing your opinion on the health of the relationship solely on sex is setting yourself up for dissappointment and failure.

    • Isabelle says:

      Well said…. it can actually be a sign of a troubled marriage but we as a society have unfortunately labeled marriage mostly as a romantic relationship.

    • QueenB says:

      What would that have to do with the patriarchy? Denying women have a sex drive and are visual is patriarchy. Wanting regular sex is also important to women. Women actually get bored faster than men with monogamy. Its patriarchy that protects monogamy.

      • Corrine says:

        I feel like most of the lenses through which society views relationships are with different versions of patriarchal glass. I agree, denying women have a sex drive is also patriarchy. And that narrative is something I struggled with a lot. I spent a long time thinking that if my boyfriend and I didn’t have a voracious sex life, the love wasn’t there. However, I now realize, I don’t have that high of a sex drive, personally. I like sex a lot, but my sex drive when I don’t have a partner is nil. It took a long time for me to be okay with that. I thought something was wrong with me, or that I was trying to play into what you mentioned, the patriarchal view that women don’t have a sex drive. I consider the hypersexualized narrative of society to be a piece of the patriarchy. I don’t care if people want to have sex all the time and that’s true and good for them. It just seems like socially, those who aren’t that into sex as an agenda, are othered. Maybe it isn’t purely patriarchal, but I don’t think it’s healthy either way. Sex is cool! Sex is great! It just isn’t a hugely defining part of a relationship, or life, to me, and maybe others. It’s like icing on the cake. I can only eat so much icing, but I could eat cake all day.

    • magnoliarose says:

      I don’t think it is true at all. It is the opposite. Women are supposed to deny they have sexual needs which is why in male-dominated oppressive societies women are covered up or stoned for rape or vaginally mutilated.
      Sex is an essential part of a relationship, but as long as the partners are okay with the frequency and level of creativity, then there is nothing wrong with it being a low sex relationship. I could never survive in one nor could my husband, so we match.

  17. Patricia says:

    I’ve never had a feeling anywhere close to this about my husband. When times are tough I look at him and feel all the love and think “this is why we are doing this, this is why we will be ok, because I ALWAYS love and adore him”.
    It scares me to think of ever feeling like that about your spouse. How do you overcome that kind of animosity towards the one you love, the one you build a life with? Is it really common to feel this way about your husband?

    • ArchieGoodwin says:

      “rose tints my world and keeps me safe from trouble and pain”

    • magnoliarose says:

      I believe one of the reasons my marriage works is because both of us have a hard time being emotionally dishonest. We separated, and it was my call to do so because we were going to a place where it wasn’t right for us and now it is better than ever because it was the correct thing to do. If we had faked it, I think we would have resented each other profoundly and eventually be too far away to connect. I believe relationships have their own culture and either it is healthy, or it is toxic, and the relationship can’t survive.

  18. Kristen says:

    Ignoring all the shitty comments to say:

    Her performance on SNL was incredible, as usual. She is so talented and passionate. I admire her strength and ability to speak her mind, even when she knows she’s going to get blowback. I wish I was better at that myself.

    • KLO says:

      @Kristen I think people take it for granted by now, that she is one of the singers who can actually deliver live. Nothing to comment on when there is nothing to be mean about 😀

  19. jferber says:

    Tell it like it is, Pink. Much respect.

  20. YeahRight says:

    A year?!?
    Like no birthday sex?
    Anniversary sex?
    New Years?
    Valentine sex?

    That seems excessive.

    • Beth says:

      Some people don’t need to have sex to survive and stay in love. My parents, both in their 60’s, have a couple of health problems and haven’t even sleep in the same room as each other for the past few years. They’re not running to marriage counseling or divorce court because they barely ever have sex. I survived for 18 months without it while my now ex boyfriend was in Kuwait. Seems excessive to always need sex to keep a relationship going well

      • ingrid says:

        You really think that’s the same thing?

      • ell says:

        but it is the same thing. i know a friend who developed a pretty bad form of vaginismus and was off sex for literally ages, because it was too painful. my aunt had cancer and went through treatment and didn’t have sex for nearly 2 years. i suffer from depression and while i’m able to keep it under control most times, i sometimes get setbacks and during those times all things such as sex and eating are a real struggle to me.

        literally everything can happen in life, there can be times in which you’re not sexual for many reasons. many people survive and stay together anyway.

  21. Franklymydear... says:

    I’ve been married 15 years and with my spouse for 18 years. We have had our ups and downs and there were definitely times we were not in sync and struggled to understand each other. Babies add a lot of stress to a marriage and as they grow into kids who need discipline and guidance, they add even more. Maybe there are perfectly happy couples out there who live in a state of bliss 100% of the time, but I doubt it. Most of my friends struggle with the daily hassles of marriage and find the good in the end, but I definitely don’t think it’s uncommon to feel the way she does. It sounds ugly and makes people defensive about their own marriages, but her comments about her marriage don’t have to negatively impact anyone else’s. I like that she’s so honest and if it doesn’t ring true for you, then you just have a different kind of marriage. No worries.

    • CynicalAnn says:

      I’m with you-together for 25 and married for 21. Our romantic life has waxed and waned. As much as I loved babies and my kids when they were really little-I had a lot of times where I didn’t want to be touched and I needed whatever sleep I could get. Now that they’re older, I think our marriage is better-we have more time for ourselves, more time for each other.

    • Kitten says:

      Yes this. Perfectly stated.

    • marmalazed says:

      “her comments about her marriage don’t have to negatively impact anyone else’s”–exactly! 🙂

    • ArchieGoodwin says:

      Yeah, those couples are the post on instagram and FB how wonderful everything is.


    • Wren says:

      Honestly I’m feeling a bit relieved that I’m not the only one who has moments of “omg I love you so much” and “wtf I can’t stand you what am I even doing”. While I wouldn’t state things quite as boldly as she does, her marriage sounds a bit like mine. We’ve had struggles, plenty of times where we have not been on the same page, and issues to overcome. There have been individual, personal struggles that have impacted our relationship. Some of my friends don’t understand. There’s a lot of nuance and details that matter that I cannot convey to other people. All they seem to hear is exactly what everyone got out of what Pink has to say. “Omg you haven’t had sex in a year??” or “so toxic!” or “well MY marriage…” I don’t actually care about your marriage. You don’t care about mine either. You just want to feel righteous and like you’re somehow doing things better than I am.

    • magnoliarose says:

      I agree. I would be suspicious of constant harmony. lol
      There are times when I want to be alone, or he wants to do something on his own, or we bicker about nonsense or just have a bad day. I just think she is honest and isn’t bothering to dress it up to try to impress anyone.

    • Wilder says:

      You took the words right out of my mouth. It’s no lie — marriage is hard work. Sometimes you’re in sync, and sometimes you’re not. Sometimes you’re madly in love, and sometimes you wonder why you ever married him/her in the first place. Frankly, I think a little space every now and then can be really good for (some) couples, and isn’t a sign that your marriage is in trouble or that you don’t want to be together for the long haul. It’s a sign that you need SPACE. But let’s face it, “taking a break,” a la Pink, is just not something most of us can afford — only a wealthy celeb can move into her own house/apartment for six months!

  22. ingrid says:

    Someone elsewhere pointed out that a lot of her songs are about how much her life sucks. Is she ever happy? She must want people like us to analyze her sex life and marriage otherwise why even put this out there? Oversharing.

  23. Kitten says:

    I’m not married and I’ve only been with my guy for a year, but I’ve never looked at him and thought “I don’t like you” and I can’t imgine that I’d ever feel that way about him.
    For me personally, when I’ve had that feeling in past relationships I always took it as a warning sign. That’s not a judgment on other people who find that feeling to be a normal aspect of their relationship though. Relationship dynamics are complicated and not a one-size-fits-all thing.

    • ArchieGoodwin says:

      yeah. after 19 years, there are definitely times I think that. I just plain don’t like you or what you’re doing. I know he has felt the same.
      The real test is feeling that, knowing and accepting you, and your spouse, is not perfect and learning from it.

      But to think you might not even dislike the person you can still love, is setting up for unrealistic expectations, IMO. Life is hard. Kids are hard. Marriage can be hard, isn’t always love and snuggles. Love that goes the distance is the love that accepts the imperfections.

      ETA: I think some people make the mistake of thinking the infatuation part, is the love part. But it’s not. Those first throws of falling for someone, is infatuation. People think that high, is love, and search to find that . But it fades. It might fade into something deeper, a deeper understanding of yourself, your partner, or it might fade right out because you make the mistake in thinking something is wrong if that feeling fades. so you leave the relationship, find new infatuation, and start the cycle all over again.
      But that level, that rush, is not sustainable. Life is tough. Crises happen, trauma happens. It’s inevitable.
      JMO, of course.

      • Kitten says:

        Oh yeah I have no illusions.

        But I’m almost 39 and while I don’t have the experience of having been married for 20 years, I DO have a unique experience in that I’ve had many, many short-term and long-term relationships with many partners. So I have a lot of diversity in terms of relationship dynamics.

        ETA: I hope my comment doesn’t read as smug or judgey. When I say that I don’t judge other people’s relationship dynamics, I truly mean it. As I said, my last relationship was toxic af for a lot of reasons beyond me not liking him from time to time.

        My last long term relationship was one where I had that feeling of “I don’t like you” or “f*ck, you are annoying” too often. I normalized it because people always told me that it’s natural to feel like that from time-to-time. But for me, the accumulation of those moments were really destructive and injurious to the relationship. I remember one day just thinking “this isn’t normal, at least not for me and this isn’t how I want to relate to someone”.

        Of course, those feelings were also coupled with larger issues like a lack of emotional intimacy and an inability to work through conflict in a healthy way, so the subsequent building up of resentment over time was inevitable. But for me personally, those moments of irritation/intolerance were indicative of how irreparable the relationship had become.

        I think we all need to find what works best for us. For me, that’s a relationship where we rarely argue and don’t feel animus towards each other. I’m not naive enough to think that we will never have disagreements but I also know that this is unequivocally the most successful and organic, easiest relationship I’ve ever been in and as someone who has dated a LOT, I understand and recognize how unique and special that is.

        ETA: hope this doesn’t read as naive or even worse, smug and judgey. My last relationship was toxic, but I’m in no way implying anybody else’s relationship is. As I said, we had issues far larger than me not liking him from time to time.

      • Kitten says:

        Ugh sorry about two edits. I hate being on this site with my iPad…I always eff up.

      • Beth says:

        I’m also 39 and never been married, but have had several long term relationships and too many short terms relationships. Unfortunately, I’ve been one of those people that @Archie Goodwin described who sometimes mistakes the infatuation as love. Falling for someone too easily is a big problem of mine. I get really happy, and hopeful about how it’s going, and then….things go wrong, or I lose interest, and it takes forever for me to get over it. I’ve often had to split up with a guy because he’s interested in starting a family, and because I’m unable to get pregnant, it’s pretty depressing for me. Especially when I was so happy and thought thing were going great. Things have been going great with the guy I’m with now, but I know it will have its ups and downs and that I’d be delusional to think things could be 100% perfect between us all day, every day.

      • ArchieGoodwin says:

        You are realistic, Kitten, so you do know when not liking is exactly that, and not just an in the moment type of thing.
        You described what you need in a relationship, and it sounds like this guy meets your needs.
        I need predictability, above all. Meaning predictability of reaction, behaviours, not routine. From that, I learned trust and from that, able to talk about my childhood, etc. But knowing that I could rely on his reactions in any given situation was paramount. I also use him as a gauge for my own reactions, because I had to relearn everything as an adult- I didn’t trust my own judgement having been gaslighted my life. I know what he needs from me, and we complement each other. And even from that, boy there are just days!

        I hope too my post didn’t sound preachy, I did not mean it to be at all.

        @ Wren- we are pretty much on the same page, and I am happy to meet a kindred. All of these “perfect relationships” posts were grating 🙂

        @Beth- (hugs) it sure isn’t easy, any kind of relationship.

      • Wren says:

        Thanks, Archie. I too tire quickly of the perfect relationship stories. I mean, that’s great and all and I’m so pleased for them, but it’s not like that for all of us and that’s totally okay. Often I find the ones who shout the loudest about how wonderful everything is are the ones struggling the most.

    • Wren says:

      I look at it this way: I always love my husband but I don’t always like him or what he’s doing. It’s the same for him. We’ve been together 13 years. It’s going to happen. But it’s also okay. We get over it and move on.

      I’ve struggled myself with the unrealistic view that these things shouldn’t happen, or that just because I can’t explain my relationship to others means there’s something wrong. Actually, we’re very good for each other, and we have qualities that complement the other. But we’re going to piss each other off, we’re going to have some contrasting views, and we’re going to be under unequal amounts of stress at times. Our own individual issues impact our relationship and have to be overcome both privately and together. It’s hard sometimes. Some of our own individual personality traits make things hard. We don’t always get along. But we love each other and know each other better than nearly anyone else in the world. With that love is acceptance. He’s flawed, I’m flawed, these flaws get in the way sometimes.

      There’s an old Jane Fonda movie quote that I’ve always found particularly meaningful. “Love is not blind. I see all your faults and I know what you’re like but I don’t care, I love you anyway.”

      • Kitten says:

        All of this makes perfect sense to me. Maybe I should just shut up, check back in with you guys in 15-20 years 😉

        It sounds like you have a really good handle on your relationship, Wren. I hope you don’t let other people’s projections or judgments weigh on you. The only two people that truly understand the complex dynamics of their relationship are the two people involved.

      • Wren says:

        Thanks, Kitten. Most of the time I’m good but it hurts when I talk, even lightly, about an issue we’ve dealt with or some other not 100% amazing thing and seen that “oh, honey” look in someone’s eyes. Oh well.

        I’m just sharing my own experience because it feels like this type of story isn’t told often enough, as evidenced by all the “concerned” responses to Pink’s words.

  24. Charlie says:

    It’s not about the sex, per se, it’s about the intimacy. I think that’s what’s troubling. It’s in the way that she said it – like what was missing was time and communication. And going without that for a year is too, too long.

  25. Big D says:

    Very refreshing to hear about stormy, closer-to-real-life marriages from celebs than the usual “oh my god life with him/her is so perfect “.

  26. Anniefannie says:

    @ Big D I’m with you! The one certainty with Pink is she gives the straight up, unvarnished truth. My truth w/ my soon to be ex was I was usually pissed off at him ( he has a mild case of narcissism ) but I always wanted to have sex ( as did he ) and after 20 years together that unfortunately waned.
    After these past few miserable, heart wrenching weeks, do yourself a favor and Google, Pink, Grammys, Glitter 2010! It’s the perfect palate cleanser!

  27. Shirurusu says:

    Obviously sexual attraction doesn’t indicate compatibility in other ways and sometimes life gets in the way with kids and tours and things. I have a friend though who’s been with her boyfriend 7+ years who feels no sexual attraction to him whatsoever (she had a lot of passion with her ex though) and I just can’t imagine staying in a relationship like that. I’m not judging her life – it’s her life – but in my own life my sex drive has always been high and I remember when I was in a relationship with a guy I really fancied who had a much lower sex drive than me it just didn’t work. I was constantly frustrated lol. As long as you’re on the same page as a couple I guess it’s not a problem, people value different things.

  28. Isca says:

    I never want to be in a relationship where I feel this way and i don’t buy into the idea that the more a couple persist with a marriage the better, somehow more virtuous people they are. It’s a toxic idea peddled to us since forever.

  29. AngieB says:

    Married with children is not like any other type of relationship full stop. If you haven’t been there You Don’t Know.

    The father of her children think she’s an amazing mother. She thinks he is an amazing dad. They work through their own adult issues one day at time with a commitment to staying together as a loving family. Wtf more is there to do? Geez.

    She’s a bad ass performer. I love her commitment to her truth.

    • Corrine says:

      I fully support your sentiments.

    • monette says:

      Thank you for this comment!
      I used to think sex was the most important thing in a relationship. I ended many because of bad sex, not enough sex, small genitals, etc.
      Then I found my husband, fell in love, had a child. We went almost a year without sex. I couldn’t believe it. Neither of us could. We used to live for sex.
      He is amazing and truly the best men I have ever met, but with a child in the mix there are days I don’t like him, even if I love him and couldn’t live without him.
      If you are married and don’t have a child, I think it’s hard to understand why.
      Thank you Wren for your comments, as well. I was starting to feel like CB is going down hill with all these judgy comments, unhealthy relationship bulls*t.
      What the F people?? Victim blaming on other threads and now judging one of the few celebs that is keeping it real, for being honest and relatable??

  30. Christin says:

    Agree with those who say each relationship is different. If it works for both partners and there is mutual respect, then whose business is it?

  31. callitout says:

    Okay, this is common sense. If you and your spouse haven’t had sex in a year….you need help. Sex is such a crucial part of a relationship, especially marriage where it’s permanent.. When you haven’t had sex FOR A YEAR (!?)….that’s time to go to couple’s counseling. That is not healthy. Something’s up. Full Stop.

    People saying in the comments ‘if you haven’t been there, you don’t know’. That sounds a lot like an excuse. Plenty of married women know how sex is important and if you aren’t having it, let alone FOR A YEAR (!) then you need to address what’s happening in your relationship. And to write it off as normal – that’s pretty indicative as Another problem – perceiving not having sex ever, for a year, etc. as just ‘something in marriage’ – and that is flat out not true.

    Healthy marriages NEED sex. I understand a month hiatus or several post-babies etc. – but a year. Yea, that’s a sign things are not going well. If you have a sexless marriage, it’s not healthy. Anybody who is trying to defend that as healthy…..please seek help from a marriage therapist/counseller.

    • ell says:

      what a restrictive view.

      it’s this sort of attitude that makes people feel guilty about what they experience in their relationship. i’m sure some people are like you, maybe even many. but not every relationships necessitates the same things, you should do what makes you and your partner happy, not what others tell you to do.

    • Amy says:

      Callitout: re: “if you’re not having sex for a year something is up”….but often something IS up in a marriage or in one of the partners’ lives if they’re not having sex for an extended period of time, and its not necessarily a problem with the marriage. Maybe someone is physically or mentally ill, maybe there are huge stressors at work or with finances, maybe the partners are working opposite shifts, maybe they had a baby and that baby is sleeping in their room for whatever reason. I wouldn’t say that any of these things indicate that the couple and their marriage are flawed and need specific marriage counseling. One of the partners may need counseling for depression or drug addiction, or maybe the family needs financial counseling or some other type of support to overcome whatever it is that is making them feel so stressed out and unsexy, but to say that there is something specifically wrong with the marriage seems harsh.

    • Sophia's Side eye says:

      I think that as long as the two people in the relationship are okay with it that it’s no one else’s business. Who is anyone else to judge if it’s okay with them?

    • Ashley says:

      I agree SO MUCH with @callitout . A whole.. Entire .. Year? She’s definitely exaggerating, but how does anyone think that could possibly be healthy if it were true? Jeez!

  32. Snowpea says:

    I’ve got three kids (one a toddler) and life is hard right now. I feel like it’s groundhog day every day and the workload just to keep the house functional is IMMENSE. My husband works full-time and Im a SAHM so it’s only fair that I do the lion’s share of housework during the week…

    …BUT on the weekends, I expect him to help out too otherwise I’m working 7 days a week and where’s the fairness in that? I TOTALLY relate to Pink’s “sometimes I’m like WTF are you” statements when hubby is off surfing all day Saturday and Im stuck at home doing washing with a baby.

    But other times, when he’s teaching our kid to swim, or mowing the lawn or listening to my mum with love and care, or cooking a delicious curry or whatever well…my heart almost explodes with love for this beautiful, gentle man of mine.

    Life with kids, work, not much sleep, housework, homework, gardening etc to do is very complex to juggle and stay connected with your other half at all times.

    If your life is perfect and harmonious at all times then good for you. It’s just not like that for everyone – doesn’t make our relationships any less valid or beautiful…

  33. Isa says:

    The longest we’ve went is the required post partum period. But neither one of us have jobs that have taken us away for very long.

    I agree with Esmom’s therapist in that if both parties are okay with it, then it’s not a problem.

    Now, I belong to a forum of thousands of moms and lack of sex comes up occasionally. People always seem to assume it’s the woman’s fault, but thats not always the case. Men don’t always have a high sex drive and sometimes low T can cause a decline.

    As for not liking my partner, I know every aspect of his personality. I know all his negative qualities and vice versa. We’re human. I may not like him in the moment, but I’ll always love him.
    Same for my kids…they’re their own person and Im not going to love everything they do, but I would literally die for them.

  34. thedecorguru says:

    I believe the no-sex for a year COMBINED with how she says she sometimes feels about him is the red flag. Sure, one gets annoyed with their partner on occasion. But she said she feels like she never liked him, they have nothing in common, she doesn’t ever wanna see him again… I don’t believe those are normal feelings for a person who’s happily married. It doesn’t make sense.

  35. ash says:

    pink alwys looks like a recovering meth head mechanic….. like idk just rough

  36. Ashley says:

    I’m shocked at how many people think not having sex in a year could potentially be normal and healthy in a marriage. I can understand elderly people with declining health, perhaps. But “just had babies”? No. It’s a tiring and stressful time, and there’s some recovery time, but healthy couples can prioritize and still make sure to enjoy private time and intimacy even with small children. That said, I do think she must have been exaggerating for effect. I love her, she’s badass! I’m sure it hasn’t ACTUALLY been a year.