America Fererra has posted a heartbreaking message to Instagram revealing that she was sexually abused at the age of nine by a man who sounds like a neighbor. It was hard to read, I’m sure it was triggering for so many people, as we’ve seen with so many stories these last two weeks, and it made my stomach sick. In fact I’ve had a lot of anxiety reading these accounts of women being abused, threatened, having their careers and livelihoods taken away and having their innocence and trust shattered. It’s both heartbreaking and gives some hope that we can change things for the next generation, which is what America wrote.
I feel so badly for her, especially for the young America who was just a child. I hope that she’s right and that this current crop of horrible men running the country and the corporations, smirking down the street and at schools and in churches, are the last of their kind that will benefit from our silence. I hope that things change but it’s been such a hard year and everything has seemed so dire. It’s so difficult to read these stories, to look back at our own histories and to realize that we were never immune and that our friends and family went through this too in so many horrifying ways. The POS play acting at running our country has spoken about preteen girls like sex objects, has abused and raped women and has bragged about his exploits, all caught on tape and yet he still was elected president and is still holding that position despite all the ways he’s shown that he thinks we’re disposable (and is otherwise completely incompetent). In fact he just called over a dozen accusers “fake news” as Kaiser reported. We’re here, we remember and we’re telling our stories.
Photos credit: WENN.com
the saddest thing to me, is that she writes ‘first time i can remember being sexually assaulted’. most women i know have some story of being harassed, assaulted or both, and as women this is something we have to deal with for all our lives.
i really do hope that talking about it and raising awareness can make a change, it’s too sad to think otherwise.
That tripped me up too. Then I also think about what women are socialized to not consider as assault or harassment, and just boys being boys. Pinching/grabbing butts, finding ways to feel or brush past women’s boobs, slapping butts, etc. Some of these things people think are playful, but they are violations.
It’s like it’s part and parcel of being a women to put up with sexual harassment, assault and/or rape, from heterosexual men. And then to get blamed for it like we were dressed like skanks or we didn’t scream no loud enough or we didn’t mean it seriously, even if we screamed “No”.
I’m a mother to a son. I’m afraid of being a mother to a daughter. I would be terrified that nasty ass men would find my daughter sexually attractive and would try to assert dominance and control over her, as soon as she reaches purberty- or even before that.
Okaaaaaay, let’s not pretend this is rare. Let’s just not. Thanks for writing about this though, I needed this
I only hope this reaches further than a hashtag. Because the powerbalance in many workplaces is still the same and there are still men taking advantage of that. And as long as we have an abuser as president I am not very confident.
I was 6.
It damages you for life.The only men I wasn’t afraid of for the longest time were my dad and brother.
Btw,when I told my brother he told me he was raped when he was 8.
Sexual crimes are heinous,more so when they happen to children.We need to be relentless in our pursuit of destroying this epidemic of sexual violence in our society.It can happen to anyone,everywhere and the sheer volume of women from Hollywood sharing their stories tells you how widespread it is.
And just imagine,if women from in of the most developed/liberal places in the world’s most developed nation are treated this way how it is for women elsewhere.
I could write and write and I have so much to say but it all comes to this.
The gates have opened and we must revolutionise our society.No child ever deserves to feel what I’ve felt.
You are very right, no one deserves to feel like that. And hopefully we can keep speaking out, and make this known, and felt as the epidemic it is.
Awareness is the first step, and by sharing we contribute to that.
LuckyZeGrand, thank you for sharing your story. Just wanted to add my support.
We all deserve better and women around the world deserve the same equality, dignity & agency befitting any human being.
LuckyZeGrand,
I am so sorry and to hear about your childhood experience- and your brothers. It makes me so angry.
You are SO RIGHT, it is time to change society. Girls and women deserve so much better.
I feel as though change is in the air!
Me Too. I was the same age as her and my abuser was my uncle….as strong as you are, as strong as you try to be, that kind of abuse takes something away from you. I’m so glad she is speaking up, the “as a 9 year old, was responsible for the actions of a grown man….”…that resonates with me so much. For so long I was ashamed thinking I was at fault, but now 36 years later, when I typed “Me too” as my FB status yesterday, it hit me that the person who should be ashamed is my uncle, not me.
Thank you America, and thank you everyone else for speaking up and shining a light on an issue that has plagued us all for far too long.
Scarlett, your absolutely right you have nothing to be ashamed of. Our abusers do. Thank you for adding your voice & speaking the truth. It’s astounding to see how many of us have suffered in silence. Thank you for adding your strength. May you be healed, whole & free.
I was eleven. My mother was not perfect, but I remember the relief and gratitude I felt when I told her I was abused by my uncle, and she believed me! It took me months to work up the courage, but I did. I thought no one would believe me. Not very different from grown up victims’ thoughts, apparently. They take your power away.
America’s story reminds me of Oprah’s recounting of having been assaulted by a family “friend”, and finding herself years later making breakfast for him and other family members, almost all of whom certainly knew what the friend had done. And she felt she couldn’t say anything. OPRAH.
Seems to me the real money in Hollywood is being a therapist who specializes in helping sexual-abuse victims. Good Lord.
On a much lighter note, America is incandescent in that green dress…
Oprah was one of the first women to speak publicly and create a forum for discussion of sexual abuse. Her talking about it on her show is what helped my mother open up about her own abuse, and I am so thankful to her for that. As for those monsters who have hurt America Ferrera, I wish a terrible violence on them.
Me, too.
I was five when a family member on my father’s side molested me. Another time he tried to drug me into compliance first. I told my father about him trying to drug me – although I did not know that is what it was – and the man was promptly thrown out of the family. Our immediate sphere of it, at least. I still never felt comfortable enough to tell my dad about the man touching me.
I was eight when a family member on my mother’s side of the family started molesting me, eventually moving further and further the depravity scale until he finally raped me. It was as if he became inured to each act and needed to find new ways to degrade me. He would shame me for it, putting the onus of his perversion on me, as if I were at fault. It took me over a decade to speak out and many members of my still prefer to act as if these events never occurred.
I was twenty-six when a friend tried to force himself on me. I didn’t tell anyone at all as I had just been hospitalized for depression and knew I’d never be taken seriously. I just never saw or spoke to the person again.
I’m thirty now. I’m still terrified and, to be honest, the only reason I was able to type all this out was because of the implied anonymity. I go to support groups every so often, but hardly ever share anything aloud. I know intellectually that there’s nothing to fear, but emotionally I feel stuck. I know it’s the same for many women and men.
I was molested when I was 9 and I feel stuck too. I just realized that I’ve been single for the last few years because I’m still protecting myself which was frustrating because it means that I’ve still got so much work to do. I realized that if I’m really going to get where I want to go emotionally I have to keep pushing for my healing but sometimes I just feel so emotionally tired. I just wanted to encourage you because you are not alone.
((hugs))
I wish you luck in your healing, but I also want you to make sure that you know it is okay to not be emotionally perfect, even decades later.
@HK9 Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry that you understand, as I would never wish what I have been through on anyone, but your message did touch me, so I thank you for that. Here’s to recovery and happiness for the both of us.
The emotional scars from this type of abuse can last for decades….women who stay single, or hide in their bodies (using weight, baggy clothes, poor posture, etc to stay invisible, or punish themselves for what wasn’t their fault in the first place) or abuse themselves.
Looking at America’s post, and looking at all the posts here, my heart weeps for all the children – CHILDREN! who were assaulted this this way, and how many times their abusers got away with no punishment at all. It just breaks my heart.
I believe you, and I can tell you, truly, it was not your fault. None of those things were your fault, not caused by you and not contributed to by you. And It is very brave of you to share here, even anonymously.
Thank you, @detritus. Intellectually I know I was not at fault, but that does not stop the shame.
It’s hard for me, I think, because denial is so ingrained in my psyche. My mother abused me my entire life – both physically and emotionally – and always made it very clear to me that I was at fault for everything and I applied that mindset to every area of my life.
I fight for others – screaming fights with my mother for my brother’s sake and protesting with large groups for causes I believe in – but fighting for myself is a different story. I remain, as ever, a work in progress. One day at a time, one kind word from someone like you at a time. Thank you for taking the time to care. It means the world.
Galaxias, we see you. Ur not alone.
Thank you for sharing ur story; it made me feel less alone.
Here’s to changing things for all of us.
@Cbould I’m glad my words could help you. Please be assured that yours did the same for me. I see you, too, and I thank you for your compassion from the bottom of my heart.
(double post)
Thank you
I’m so sorry you have been through so much.
Sharing it here is a big step, even with the anonymity.
These stories can be upsetting and bring up bad memories.
If anyone needs help, please reach out to a professional.
RAINNs US national hotline is 1-800-656 HOPE
Canadians – the hotline.org or ASW 1-866-863-0511
Most women’s crisis lines can be used by men experiencing crisis as well.
Thank you for sharing that. I referred someone to RAINN the other day too, I hope anyone who needs it can find help there.
Me too. I was molested at 6 and have dealt with sexual harassment multiple times.
Sayrah, I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s appalling. I hope you can find solidarity here & elsewhere.
I was never molested as a child, but I remember going to parties with my parents for their company and having grown men dance too close with me until I felt their er*ctions. I would tell my mother who told me not to dance with them anymore but beyond that did nothing, and when I would refuse to dance with them my dad would call me antisocial and insist I dance. IF we did tell him about the grinding he’d get mad but would NEVER call his friends out and never protect me. Those friends continued to be welcomed in our home, they would continue to be friends with them, and all they did was tell me to avoid them. I felt so unloved.
This was why, when I was 24 and I was almost r*ped in my own home by a “friend” with my father and my sister in the next room, I said nothing. Didn’t want to make a scene. Because that’s always what I was taught as a pre-teen and teen: DON’T MAKE A SCENE. And because of that, I not only didn’t say anything, I let the almost r*pist guilt me into taking him out afterward to pay for him almost cheating on his fiancee.
Oh and one of my dad’s closest friends would come over to our house when my dad wasn’t over to “wait” for him to come. Later he confessed he had a thing for my sister, who was 15 at the time. He told my father directly. All my father did was get mad, tell him not to come when he’s not there, give him the silent treatment for a few days, then proceed to welcome him back with open arms. To this day, this man remains a close friend of my father’s even though he’s incredibly inappropriate and has terrible hygiene. My sisters and I have learned that a father doesn’t protect. Fathers don’t do anything. We are on our own.
Asiyah, I can completely relate to your experience of being groomed by your family to stay silent, to acquiesce and be a ‘good girl’ -what a crock of shit we were taught!!! By the same ‘fathers of daughters’. My father also failed to protect me throughout childhood (not from sexual abuse but from my Mom’s physical & emotional abuse). It sucks to learn that kind of independence at a young age. I’m sorry your father did not protect you & I hope you’ve been able to build your own family now.
Losing trust in my mother for failing to protect me from sexual abuse as a child has affected my entire life, I’ve come to realize. When I finally at 12 told her what my older sister and her friend had done to me, and that I wanted to get into therapy, her response was “these things happen to all of us, don’t dwell on it.” And that was it. Never spoken of again. I’ve blamed her for years now for all the rest of the years I tolerated abuse and said nothing.
It’s also great how you can’t speak passionately to friends or family against sexual assault, abuse, portrayal of rape in tv and movies as entertainment, without getting a judgemental “What, were you raped or something?” I would love to think these Weinstein revelations will bring about a social shift, but the general lack of support I’ve ever received keeps me skeptical unfortunately.
Aside from the abuse itself, that feeling of not being safe in your own family is devastating.
For me, knowing my father valued the companionship of the creeps at the corner market/coffee shop, who would leer and lick their lips anytime I walked in, sent to get a quart of milk or something by my mother….and the dread coming up the aisle in the store, and realizing one of them had moved from his stool at the coffee counter, and would be standing by the doorway, waiting to rub up against me, or paw at my body as I left the store. I was 7-8…too young to realize what was happening, but old enough to know how wrong it felt and how vulnerable I felt knowing my father was right there and did nothing to make it better.
It didn’t help that half the time there was that OTHER creepy guy sitting on the steps outside who would talk dirty to little girls (It was year’s before I knew what his words meant) or that OTHER, OTHER creepy guy who worked up the street, took his breaks at odd times and would drive up and down the street between the store and my house, and when he saw me, he would pull over and try to get me into his car, or just drive slow next to me, licking his lips and showing me his tongue…I was too little to see onto the seat of his car, it was possible he was trying to show me something else. (It was years before I figured out he did the same thing to my friends) Sometimes, running a quick errand to the corner store felt like running a gauntlet…I learned whose backyard I could run through to avoid the creepy car guy, and learned the back routes to go the other way to dodge the creep on the stairs. On the plus side, I learned to run very very fast and jump over obstacles, so I always won ribbons at my elementary school’s spring field day. :/
I am crying reading all these stories of girls and women being sexually assaulted. I am in such shock. My heart goes out to each one of you. xoxo
Me too I couldn’t even read America’s post because I was already crying and these comments. It’s like a knife in the heart.
This happens to little children to an appalling degree.
My gut feeling is that the mere idea of our political and popular figures being monsters in hiding is just too much to take, so we’d rather not know. However, we owe it to the victims to get to the information of how things really are and educate ourselves as a public. We are grown ups, citizens, members of western civilizations. The information is out there. This should not fly.
Conspiracy of Silence (1994)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttT6FrMosBk
Boys for Sale (1981)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWY8T3ujxNw
An Open Secret (2014)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lwi9Yt_D844
Victims are more than hashtags. In solidarity I will do mine. #metoo Too many times..
Humanity needs to do better. Give victims the benefit of the doubt. Proceed quickly on justice and or resolution till the end. Let the facts land where they may. Judge the facts. A small percentage of people lie and falsly accuse. #believethevictimsthefirsttime
I could add my stories here of 2 times before 7 I had sexual abuse. But after reading all the stories I am just tired. It shows why women like me live alone at 79 with such a disappointment in men. I pray my sons were respectful of women. I have had feed back from women over the years, and I think they were.
Just saw this douchebag comment on a former FB ‘friend’s’ also douchebag comment. I was thinking of all of you and loved ones when I posted this! Please feel free to look him up and destroy him.
Jason Palazz- No shit bro!!! I remember the last time I got into a trouble was for running out of class to squirt a girl in the ass with a water gun! It’s was a proper assault on that ass, couldn’t let it get by with out putting some water on it!! It was just two hot…. We should vote to have California kicked out of the United States 😂 their liberal agendas are ruining our culture as Americans
I COPIED & PASTED this sickness. See this, Read this. This is NOT acceptable. If ANY female or male needs help, please call:
RAINNs US national hotline is 1-800-656 HOPE
Canadians – the hotline.org or ASW 1-866-863-0511
And will someone who knows this moron please teach him how to compose a sentence, read, and write? Oh, I guess he was too busy assaulting people to learn?
I’m here. I remember. We stand together, even when no one listens.
I was 8 maybe 9 I think, the couple of summers sort of blur together. In my own mind, I think I have always rationalized it as kids being kids being curious. But my brother was 4 years older. He should have known better. Reading these stories, listening to to other women, I think I can finally admit it for what it was. Molestation. I’ve never told anybody. This would be the first place I’ve every actually admitted it. Maybe its the anonymity or the fact its being surrounded by so many strong women here on CB.
Thank you for sharing, for caring and for seeing those of us that speak and those of us that don’t or can’t.
Hugs to you.
We love you. Stay strong. Thank you for sharing.
You are so brave all of you. It is painful to talk about but maybe even more painful to keep it in.. Hugs
#me too
I was molested ( I don’t know if I should use the word sexually abused) at the age of 6. It was performed by 2 of my older peers at school. They were around 9 years old, taller and heavier and used to prey me at the end of the scholtime. My house was only 2 blocks away from the school and the town was very calm so I was going home alone. Big mistake. For a while I was never able to arrive home without being tackled by the 2 older boys, held against my will by the 2 wrist and being forced to kiss them. I was too ashamed and confused and stayed in silence. In my head is all too messed up and I have no idea for how long this went on and if it involved more things.
Luckily for me, the main abuser’s family moved out of town and his accomplice stopped harassing me. One of my classmates saw me one day and told my mother, I didn’t know what to answer and my mother got mad at me thinking it was my fault which it wasn’t.
The memory of the abuse faded away until I was 15 and like a strike it came back one day in a very painful way. I was, for the rest of my teenage years afraid of boys and an over shy girl.
I feel for the little girls that got to be close to that kid and fear for the man he got to grow up in. I hope he didn’t hurt anybody else.
ugh so young (not like it’s appropriate at ANY age) T_T
makes me want to weep
Her age when she was first a victim of abuse is horrifying. What do the people who say “she was asking for it” “girls need to speak up and be more clear about what they want and don’t want” “women are always sending mixed signals…they say no when they mean yes” have to say about children who are 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 when they are abused? It is ALWAYS the abusers fault, ALWAYS!