Sam Smith has a new album, The Thrill of It All. It’s his first full-length album since the massively successful, Grammy-winning album In the Lonely Hour, which was released in 2014. Back then, Sam was seen as the boy version of Adele, a guy with a baby face singing blue-eyed soul. In the past three years, Sam has won an Oscar (for that James Bond movie), fallen in love (a few times, I think) and lost some weight. But he’s still singing his sad music, of course! That’s his brand. But I think his brand is also being extended to “the new George Michael” – out and proud sexy gay man. Not only that, but Sam is now talking about feeling gender fluid.
Why he didn’t come out sooner: “Looking back on it, it was the fear of saying the wrong thing and offending. And I was 19 when I started writing the first album. I’d just moved to London from a village—I was literally the only gay in the village. I didn’t know what I wanted to say.”
His new songs: “I think they show my growth, my confidence. I feel like they show me. They show the gay guy I’ve become.”
He loves a good heel: “I love a heel. I’ve got loads of heels at home…People don’t know this, but when I was 17, I remember becoming obsessed with Boy George and Marilyn [Monroe], and all that. There was one moment in my life where I didn’t own a piece of male clothing, really. I would wear full make-up every day in school, eyelashes, leggings with Dr Martens and huge fur coats, for 2.5 years.”
Whether he considers himself cisgendered: He flashed two Venus symbol tattoos at the writer and said, “No. I mean, I’ve got these tattoos on my fingers. I don’t know what the title would be, but I feel just as much woman as I am man.”
He’s taking a break from drinking: “Last year…I’d say the entire year, I went out too much, I started drinking way too much and I started smoking cigarettes, stupidly. And I lost a little bit of control towards the end. I haven’t drunk now in 2.5 months… I will drink again—it wasn’t ‘A Drinking Problem.'” But he also says he has had to realise that he has “an addictive personality”. So he put a lid on it. “I was just going out too much.”
The other night, I watched Showtime’s George Michael documentary, George Michael: Freedom, and as I was reading these quotes from Sam, I was struck by so many things. One, George Michael really did make it easier for gay artists to come out and “own” their narratives and their sexuality. Two, George Michael made it easier for artists like Sam Smith to find success as singer-songwriters of that very specific genre of blue-eyed soul-pop music. Anyway, it doesn’t surprise me or shock me at all that Sam considers himself gender-fluid, or that he enjoys makeup, heels and “feminine” clothing. It just seems… cool and normal.
Photos courtesy of Backgrid, WENN.
He’ll never know what it’s like to be a woman. Now GTFO with your opportunistic ass and bad shirts.
And please. Let’s never pretend George wanted people to know if he’s sleeping with men or women. Everything about forcing someone to come out publicly is tragical.
But then again, George would never say sth stupid like I’m every woman…
I can’t believe that Bond song won an Oscar. It was dreadful in composition and performance.
NO NO THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT.
Thank you! It was NOT good.
What does “feeling” like a woman entail?
Shania Twain gif, incoming….
do do dododo, do do!
It can only mean wanting to wear heels and being crazy.
Lol. Sigh.
*snort giggle
So when a man says he feels like a woman that means he wants to wear heels and makeup. I AM biologically a woman and wearing makeup and heels doesn’t define my sex. I almost never wear either!
No biological man can know what it feels like to be a woman no matter what hormones he takes or any way he mutilates his body.
Why is the world so sexist now that womanhood is defined by shallow things like hair/clothing/makeup? If you are a man wearing a dress and heels you aren’t being a woman, you are making a fashion choice…
Stupid people ignoring science once again. Sigh.
Not really sure what you’re trying to say here. Sure, not all women choose to wear heels and make-up. But the rest of your comment is totally transphobic. Gender transition is not mutilation. And for someone who professes an affinity for science you are amazingly unaware of the large body of research on gender dysphoria.
thank you !!!! @bobcat
Like i get the openness but NO BIO man will ever know what it is to feel woman. ever ever ever…if yal wanna block me or @ me a million times with “clutches pearls” responses with have at it….lol
Oh, so, he’s felt the impending attack of having to pass through a construction site and hearing remarks about rape when he was, ah, about ten years old? And later in life, he was raped at a college party because he was drunk- but he was of consenting age, so let it go. And now as a mature adult, he expects to earn, say, 70 cents to the dollar to those who are bio male and on the male gender spectrum? Mmm. so he’s embraced all that is “woman” in the 21st century. Interesting.
Well said
To me ( a woman) it would be interesting to know what he means when he says he feels like a woman as much as he feels like a man. Many who claims to feel like women seem to be drawn to classically feminine clothes, heels, make up and so on.
I feel like a woman, but heels and make up doesn’t interest me…
of course, the entire point is to own your own sexuality and be allowed to be who you are 🙂
It’s just a little sad that feeling like a “woman” means putting on “women’s clothes” aka skirts, heels, make up and so on… there’s more to it 🙂
I would like a clear definition from him on what ‘feeling like woman’ really means.
I, too, would like to know what “feeling like a woman” means when it is said in this context. If it’s more than liking the superficial trappings of femininity, and more than rejecting the stereotypically masculine, then I can be on board. @ElleC makes a great point below that perhaps framing it in terms of clothes and makeup is shorthand for thoughts and feelings that are too hard to describe.
I’m in the camp that believes gender norms should just be more fluid. Why shouldn’t a man enjoy wearing makeup or feminine clothing, or behaving in stereotypically feminine ways? I don’t think that makes them a woman, though, anymore than being a ‘tomboy’ makes a woman, a man. I’m a woman and if I’m in a room alone, I can’t really describe what it “feels like” to be woman apart from my biology and my past. I would like to know what gender dysphoric men are feeling when they talk about feeling more like a woman than a man.
Couldn’t agree more. A man can enjoy the fun and artistry of putting on makeup and pointy shoes without feeling like a “woman”. Grrr. I don’t wear heels, I don’t wear makeup, but I’m all woman! I guess he doesn’t feel like my kind of woman; just the patriarchal version of womanhood as shiny object.
Yes. My friend’s 17 year old son is more adept with makeup than anyone I know, he’s amazing. But he hasn’t said anything about wanting to be a woman, just a makeup artist.
Yeah I struggle with this. On one hand, I have a skeptical gut reaction when people who are biologically male / have grown up with the privileges of being perceived as male, claim to know what it means to “feel like a woman” and then define that in really stereotypical or superficial terms that would be highly offensive in any other context.
But then maybe Smith and others focus on clothes and makeup because that’s a simple way to explain something that’s extremely difficult to articulate. Maybe I define my identity as a woman by some combo of biology and lived experience, but who is to say that’s right? And even as a cis-gendered woman, I’m not sure I could tell you what it means to “feel female” without stumbling into stereotypes. So who am I to question the legitimacy of anyone’s identity if I haven’t walked in their heels?
*fun fact, like the color pink, heels were originally worn by men
That was a really incredible, nuanced comment, ElleC! Well written and thought provoking.
ElleC, what an honest and thoughtful post.
I’m just going to leave the meaning of cis-gendered here, as I had to look it up. 🙂
Cis-gender = someone whose gender identity aligns with their biological sex.
Sexuality is an touchy subject and if he says he’s gender fluid then he is. No snark from me.
He’s a man. ‘Woman’ is not a feeling, it’s a biological reality.
I love the Daffyd Thomas reference “I am the only gay in the village”! As the parent of a trans child I’m all for people talking about gender fluidity. Makes life easier for my kid when it’s seen as something mainstream. Down with binary genders!
I don’t think he means Marilyn Monroe. I think he means Marilyn, the androgynous British singer, aka Peter Robinson. The one who claims to have been involved with Gavin Rossdale.
Yes! I came to the comments expressly to see if someone else noticed that too.
Yeah it’s a touchy subject and that’s why we cannot give a pass to any celeb foolery like this one here. I swear if any bad dressed cis like this one can claim womanhood especially now and no one bats an eye I’m out of this shit.
Why did you call him cis, when he’s gay? Was that a typo, Babs?
As far as I can tell gender identity
and sexuality are different. Someone can be cis (feeling like the gender they were born with) and gay. I think that’s what Babs meant.
Gender fluid is not about clothes. Now if he says he rejects gender norms in clothing, that makes more sense. My daughter rejects these norms. She wears button down shirts, slacks. bow ties, and blazers to work. She wore a tuxedo to a recent family wedding [adorable.] She is gay and identifies as a woman.
Right you are, Lynnie. I am 65 and catching up with the realities of gender, thanks in great part to my daughter with the gender studies degree.
Thank you for the explanation Lyn. I was really confused.
thanks Lynnie, that’s what I meant.
You’re welcome to all! 🎉🎂🎉 Happy Birthday Third Ginger!🎉🎂🎉
Sooo a man can ‘feel like a woman’ if he’s well dressed? Being a woman is not about clothes, it’s a biological reality.
It takes more than wearing feminine clothes to know what it feels like to be a woman. I’m a woman, but I don’t wear heels and fake eyelashes. Does he use tampons or pads?
Post menopausal women don’t use tampons. Women with various reproductive issues, or hysterectomies don’t use pads, trans women don’t use tampons. They are all women. Too narrow a view.
I haven’t used either since I had my surgery 8 years ago that only women can have. Even before I had the surgery, I was never able to have children, but I still knows what it feels like to be a women. I have absolutely no problem at all with transgender people (my favorite cousin is one). This singer is gay, not transgender. If I wear a man’s shirt, I can’t claim that I feel just a man as I am a woman
But they would know what it feels like when doctors tell them that they can no longer get their periods. The response to how their bodies work would link them.
It saddens me that Laverne Cox, who is very eloquent and passionate about trans rights and gender identity in general, gets continually passed over when it gets time to talk about these issues in favor for the flavors of the month who are throwing out sound bites. This interview is giving me too many ZaYn and Gigi vogue vibes unfortunately.
Oh Lord, Lynnie. I almost forgot those two. They swapped outfits, and were, therefore, gender fluid. LOL
It’s too bad he gets such a platform, when he really says stupid things.
Adam Lambert is much more articulate, talented, advocates and has for years. Yet he seems passed over somehow. Perhaps not globally, but in the US he is definitely not appreciated.
He has paved the way for others, much like George Michael, yet rarely, if ever, is credited for the ground he has broken.
I don’t care for Sam Smith and dislike this interview, which just reiterates why I don’t care for him at all.
This is such a touchy subject.
I do understand all the women who sigh a big sigh when a man says that he feels like a woman because it brings up catcalling, mysoginy, payment inequality etc.
However, in my bones I understand him. I also sometimes, ever since I was a little girl, have felt like a boy. But I can’t explain it. For a long time I did not connect with girls. I don’t behave like a typical girl and people sometimes make me notice it.
My son is the same and even told me he wishes he was a girl because he only likes girl stuff. (I had the trans talk with him and it’s not his thing).
He wears dresses sometimes and has a bag full of make-up.
Some women here don’t wear make-up (I don’t use it much) but our culture is still to have a choice in wearing it or not. Same with heels. It’s not a cultural choice for a man. He didn’t say that that’s what made him feel like a woman by the way.
I think fluidity is a beautiful thing and it may be a path to a more diverse notion of what it is to be alive and have a body.
And he’s gay. He’s had his fair share of bull-shit too for sure so I’d cut him some slack.
Edit: I read the comments above and understand the difference between gender norms and gender identity. But one thing are categories that help us think and accept and another is blurry reality. I don’t know this bloke and he may be playing this card to his advantage. Sorry if I offend anyone or if I’m missing why he is so displeasing to a lot of you.
I think that the thing is that trans folk are getting a lot of positive attention (a good thing) and so, inevitably, there’s a bit of bandwagon jumping going on (not so much a good thing as it trivialises the experience of trans folk and is offensive to the experience of women, who also belong to an oppressed class).
I am like you in that I disapprove of rigidity in gender roles and celebrate all and any gender non-conformity regardless of anything to do with trans. I don’t do femininity at all myself, aside from the odd bit of crochet.
Smith is a gay man who doesn’t have dysphoria. If he’d have said “I like a lot of feminine things” instead of “I feel like a woman sometimes”, it would have been better. But the fact that he is proud to own the feminine side of himself is a very good thing.
“I think that the thing is that trans folk are getting a lot of positive attention (a good thing) and so, inevitably, there’s a bit of bandwagon jumping going on”>> The Miley Cirus effect? Yes, I thought that might be the problem.
There is so much more that connects both genders that what separates them (very silly conventions most of the time, that we should feel free to take on or not regardless of sex).
On the other hand, there is an issue that is very telling to me: there is indeed a real difference when it comes to our bodies and medecine seems utterly uninterested in the feminine body (uterine cysts are a mystery, for ex.)
Complex issues.
Well said, Sixer.
Intersecting inequalities always are!
It helps if all the well-meaning, kind people don’t get hung up on the narcissism of small differences, as Freud would have put it.
Oh yes slowsnow fluidity isn’t always the easiest path but once surrounded in love and understanding these people truly shine. My adopted disabled Ethiopian child faces a long battle to acceptance and I can’t wait for xim to come out on top. The cards are stacked against xim, but I know xe is strong enough to overcome so very much. Xe was born with an obvious birth defect that xe cannot hide from the world. When I noticed one day xe was playing with trucks one day and dolls the next I knew we were going to have yet another disadvantage to deal with, honestly I worried for xim. But years later xe has blossomed and is more fluid than ever. I have such love and admiration for xim. If only everyone could be so accepting the world would be a better place.
Good luck with your battle @Rasputia, sounds like xe (first time I write this) has a very loving family to surround xim.
Thanks for your support @snowsnow. I had a feeling you’d understand.
“When I noticed one day xe was playing with trucks one day and dolls the next I knew we were going to have yet another disadvantage to deal with”
The sexist superficiality in this statement is so sad. I am female, I identify as a woman, and guess what… I played with trucks one day and dolls the next when I was a child. Some kids do that. Not all children like only their society-approve gender-specific toys. That isn’t a sign of anything except liking both sets of toys.
I’m not trying to dis your child, or what xe is going through, just stating how sexist this statement is.
It was much more complicated than that @Leslie. I was giving one example of many. Please don’t judge my situation solely upon a simplified summary.
WOW… these comments are just as messy as I thought they were going to be.
I adopted a child from Ethiopia a few years back. I use the pronouns XIR and XE to describe my wonderful little gender fluid bundle of joy. Xe is in inspiration to our whole family. Xe has really opened up our hearts to accepting all people and believe that pansexuality is the most beautiful way of life. I can’t wait for Xe to get older and see who Xe brings home in the future so I can welcome in the next generation of fluid pansexual love into this world.
Uhm. How old is Xe? Because it sounds like you’ve already determined that they will be gender fluid and pansexual before they’ve been able to determine that for themselves. What if they’re cisgender and straight?
I feel like this comment is the reverse of people who get upset that their kid is trans or straight.
Edit: I scrolled up and saw your other comment, so it seems this is a slightly older kid. I would still say that kids can play with trucks and dolls and not be gender fluid, just a kid who likes both trucks and dolls. Just because someone likes something traditionally masculine or feminine doesn’t automatically mean they’re genderfluid.
Xe is 14. It was actually just in the past year that Xe came to me and let me know what xe felt xe identified as. I’ll admit when xe was younger I myself was confused. I knew xe was something more not a simple gay or straight, but more complex. I always let xe lead me in determining what xe wanted to do. I believe in letting a child guide the parent in this area.
Lol
But what if your child isn’t non-biniary/gender fluid? And what if your child is straight or gay or bi and not pansexual?
Edit: This was supposed to be a reply to Rasputia
I let xe figure out the identity. It can change as often as one month to the next, sometimes less than that. It’s great that xe has so many options.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who is reaaaaally curious as to what it means to feel like a woman. I’m a woman, both biologically and what, mentally, is that the right word? I can’t say I’ve ever thought about feeling like a woman. I could tell him that just because he likes to wear outfits that are traditionally feminine and wear makeup, that alone does not mean he’s equal parts a woman. And while he will face his own myriad of struggles due to being an openly gay man, he’s not familiar with the struggles of being a woman.
II had a friend who came out as trans, and when she came out and began living as a woman, all of a sudden she was into a lot of things that she had hated before – shopping, Grey’s Anatomy, romantic comedies, painting her nails, etc. All the stereotypical things that women are not required to like, but many women do. She is very happy now, but it annoyed me at the time because she started to give me tips on how to be more womanly – like how a bra is supposed to fit. I’d been wearing bras for 10 years, I knew how they were supposed to fit! Also, you’d think that someone who is not cisgender would understand that there are 1000 different ways to be a woman or a man.
Please don’t shoot me, but is it possible that people are coming out as gender fluid or whatever because then they are free to enjoy whatever they like? Maybe he’s just a gay man who enjoys dresses and makeup. Maybe he’s 100% genderfluid. Shrug, as long as he’s happy.
Allisa, I completely agree with you! Most of this gender-nonsense is used as an excuse to dress and act against societies constraints on each gender. Gender constraints I dislike myself. I was a tomboy when I was a kid, and by today’s standards I would have been encouraged to become a boy. Thank god no one mutilated and deformed my body with hormones or surgery because I grew up into a very happily-adjusted woman.
You are either a man or woman (except in very rare genetic mutations). You can’t change your genetics people! Why can’t men and women wear and love and act as they want without lying to themselves that they can change their sex? Be who you want, but you can’t change your biological.
Exactly. Thank you! A man will never know what it means to be a woman or what it feels like to be a woman. Because you aren’t a woman, it’s just that simple.
No matter how much you may identify with things that are traditionally associated with women or things that are considered feminine. You are not a woman. You haven’t lived your life as a woman.
I find him and his voice annoying. He’s like the male Adele to me.
I like the taoist description of energies: yin & yang.
When I hear a man like Smith say he feels like a woman & a man, I think he means that he feels both masculine & feminine energies within himself and is comfortable expressing both. Fair enough.
His new song is frigging amazing! He and fellow Brit Adele have the best voices in the game right now.
Curious, when he mentioned Boy George and Marilyn, I don’t think he meant Monroe.
I think he meant Boy George’s 1980s-era drag queen friend, Marilyn (aka Peter Robinson)
Anybody else remember that Marilyn? She and BG were pretty tight back in the early Culture Club days.
I see nothing in his comments that suggests that he is saying he is gender fluid BECAUSE he likes to wear women’s clothing. I read this as him expressing that he identifies as gender fluid, and expresses his femininity and ‘woman-ness’ through feminine gender expression, such as high heels and makeup.
A person’s gender identity and gender expression don’t necessarily align; you may feel like a woman and want to express yourself in traditionally feminine ways, and you may not. Your gender expression may change over time; for example, for many years I shunned shaving and makeup as I thought it wasn’t ‘feminist’ and my views have reversed in the past 10-15 years. There’s a simple answer to this: allow people to define themselves and respect their definitions. Don’t tell people that you know them better than they know themselves.
I understand that cis woman sometimes get their backs up when transwomen express themselves in highly traditional ways (as this plays into old and narrow definitions of femininity) but really, we shouldn’t judge. There are plenty of cis women who do the same. And while trans folks may not have had ‘exactly’ the same experience as cis folks growing up, they still felt different and lacked privilege in many ways (see Laverne Cox’s response to Chimamanda Adichie’s narrow-minded comments about trans women for more on that topic).
Ah, thanks.
You broadened my perspective quite a bit.
& yes to this: “allow people to define themselves and respect their definitions. Don’t tell people that you know them better than they know themselves.”
That’s key, isn’t it? I notice that when Smith acknowledges his own gender fluidity by saying he feels like a woman, it’s his use of the term “woman” that’s causing backlash. We fight over definitions, over the meaning that they hold. Obviously, being a woman has a lot of loaded meaning that Smith, as a biological male, has not lived. It’s interesting to observe how biological & ciswomen (term is new to me, but I’ll use it) feel an instinctive need to push back, telling him: “You don’t know what you don’t know.”
It’s all back to that golden rule. “Don’t tell people that you know them better than they know themselves.” Thanks.
Ah, my comrade. I finally found you.
I liked him rounder. He looks like Jon from Garfield.
These transphobic comments are not for me. Really surprised at the CB community today.
I want to point out that he didn’t say, “I wear heels because I feel like a woman.” He simply stated how he loves what is traditionally women’s clothing and then the INTERVIEWER ASKED if he felt cis and he said no. I think everyone is radically misinterpreting his comments. I don’t think they played into gender stereotyping at all.
You’re right, he may never know the discrimination a woman faces. But he sure knows the discrimination that gay and non-binary people suffer. If you’re not familiar with it, check out some of the above comments.
For a community that is usually so great and funny and snarky, I’m really appalled at not only the frequency of these transphobic comments but also the lack of pushback they’re receiving.
In conclusion the gender binary is a myth and you can identify however the fuck you want k thanks bye!!!!!