Elijah Wood is secure in his masculinity

Sometimes good things really do happen in this crazy world. And this is one of them. First watch, and then we’ll mock. I’ll wait.

That’s right, Elijah Wood is teaching us all how to do his favorite dancey dance. Which could not be timed better, because last night as I was lying in bed with incurable insomnia, I asked myself, “Self, what would Elijah Wood look like if he danced?” I was really hoping it involved a skintight yellow shirt and matching yellow shoes, but I didn’t want to get myself so wound up that I couldn’t sleep even more, so I didn’t dare whisper about the yellow shoes.

That’s right, Elijah Wood’s favorite dance is the puppet master. Which is also a super creepy horror film, so it’s good for kids on a lot of levels. I think he used one of Britney Spears’s fired choreographers for this awesome bit of puppetry. Elijah seems way too into his dance, and not in the “I’m-doing-this-because-I-got-three-DUIs-and-I-need-to-do-something-to-help-my-
public-image” way. More in the “I-practice-this-at-home-with-my-pants-off” way.

And I’m sorry but that green striped guy on the left? He’s totally phoning it in.

The best part is when he “goes craaaaaaazy!” and whips out his “I just got kicked out of Roxy” dance moves. This leaves me confused, and with a lot of questions. Is this the kind of thing that kills a career or helps it? Does this mean Elijah Wood is unbalanced, or so ultra-balanced and secure with himself that he’s alright with it? Did he lose a dare, or does the producer of this show (Nickelodeon’s “Yo Gabba Gabba”) have something on Elijah that he’s using to blackmail him? These are the questions that will torment me tonight as I lay awake, trying to fight the insomnia. That and the dancey-dance, and that yellow, yellow shirt.


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