When did Matt Damon become THE WORST? Why does his publicist hate him? Why doesn’t his wife sit him down and – at the very least – tell him to STFU? Not that it’s poor Luciana’s responsibility to educate her husband on the bare-bones way to discuss sexual harassment and abuse. He’s a 47 year old man, a husband and a father of four daughters. He knows better. He has the intellectual capabilities to understand why his current comments are so f–king deplorable. He just chooses to be a total f–king bro dumbass about it.
As we discussed last week, Matt Damon gave an interview to ABC News which was THE WORST from start to finish, from his defense of Louis CK to his near-mockery of certain kinds of abuse victims to his insistence that no, he won’t believe women when they tell him they’ve been abused, harassed or assaulted. After that interview, you would think that his publicist would lock him a room for the next month. Not so much. Matty D chatted with Business Insider about how #NOTALLMEN and #BROLIVESMATTER. I suspect there was a hashtag for something about #LyingBitches too.
Hey, did you know that not every guy is an abuser? “We’re in this watershed moment, and it’s great, but I think one thing that’s not being talked about is there are a whole s—load of guys — the preponderance of men I’ve worked with — who don’t do this kind of thing and whose lives aren’t going to be affected. If I have to sign a sexual-harassment thing, I don’t care, I’ll sign it. I would have signed it before. I don’t do that, and most of the people I know don’t do that.”
Whether he would back out of a movie if an actor, director, or producer had been accused of sexual misconduct: “That always went into my thinking. I mean, I wouldn’t want to work with somebody who — life’s too short for that. But the question of if somebody had allegations against them, you know, it would be a case-by-case basis. You go, ‘What’s the story here?'”
Matt Damon, Master Adjudicator. Bring every sexual harasser, sexual abuser, rapist and assailant to Matt Damon and he will single-handedly determine if that person gets a free pass or whether they should be condemned. Men who get to stay in Hollywood: guys who only patted a dozen ladies on the ass and masturbated in front of, like, three of them. Men who don’t get to stay in Hollywood: guys who, like, raped someone right in front of Matt. Matt Damon is not just an adjudicator, he is an investigator and a detective too. Why would he simply believe women when he can investigate the situation for himself and decide whether or not his bro should be trusted? I mean, bitches lie. That’s a fact Matty D lives by.
As for “If I have to sign a sexual-harassment thing, I don’t care, I’ll sign it. I would have signed it before” – I literally have no idea what he’s talking about. Does he think there’s some kind of petition? Matt is approaching this sensitive conversation the same way I approach a charity raffle outside of the grocery store. “Sure, I’ll sign it, here’s a dollar.” That’s what this is for Matt Damon. And seriously, when did Matt Damon become such a #NOTALLMEN guy? Does he secretly think the #AllLivesMatter people have a good point too?
Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.
Why is he still talking?
Because he is God…I mean Matt Damon.
He really needs to stop talking immediately before all his next movies start flopping badly.
What on earth is he prattling about when he says that if there is a sexual harassment thing, he’ll sign it?
I am flabbergasted he is doing this during a promotional tour. He really wants ‘Downsizing’ to tank…
Does his publicist hate him? Because this is getting rediculious. He is crazy and I am sure all those professionals these crazies surround themselves with are there to minimaze their crazy and train them to appear like liberals and less delussional, but he just keeps on coming like there is no tomorrow
I really have no idea but my guess was that he’s talking about an anti-harassment or sexual harassment reporting clause or disclaimer that might be added to a contract?
Esmom, I think that’s what he’s blathering about.
Like a clause in a contract saying something like “I won’t sexually harass people.” Bc we all know that that really helps a lot.
Maybe he has this diarrhea of the mouth because he got caught shielding and promoting Casey Affleck. His hypocrisy is public knowledge and now he thinks if he just keeps talking he can fix it. The more he blathers on the more I think he knew exactly what CA was and is. Maybe he should take his own advice and “calm down”.
I hate to even admit that I might know anything about wth he’s rambling on about – but I know I worked at a company (a normal job) where everyone had to take sexual harassment awareness training and sign that they’d watched it. Maybe that’s what he’s referring to?
Does Damon hate himself? He’s gone from stepping in sh$t to rolling around in it. What a dumb a$$.
What does this mean: “If I have to sign a sexual-harassment thing, I don’t care, I’ll sign it”?
A “sexual harassment thing”?? Everything he says is so minimizing and dismissive.
This tool is canceled.
+1 Done with him. Done. Good thing I never much admired his work anyway.
It’s likely a sexual harassment clause has been added to many contracts and he’s referring to that. Kind of like a morality clause, but more specific.
Because sexual harassment is only bad if you signed a cocktail napkin contract first, that says you won’t do it. Otherwise, how is a man to know, right? I mean, they’re just trying to give us a compliment. We should be flattered.
Matt Damon must share Kate Winslet’s publicist. No such thing as bad publicity?
Velourazure (love the name!), I appreciate your observation so much, because you’ve picked up on something very subtle (as some of the worst attitudes/statements are): it’s minimizing and dismissive. Exactly! And that says a f’ing UNIVERSE about his private attitudes.
He’s talking because his voice carried weight in the past and he doesn’t understand that it no longer does.
Word.
well said.
Exactly what I came to ask. Why on earth is he still making statements like this? Does no one at all read the coverage of him and the reactions to all his shitty statements? Is he promoting the movie downsizing? I saw an ad for that movie today. He’s the lead. I hope very much that it bombs hugely and that he is never hired again. He is way way too problematic. Nobody should be working with him.
Has he always been this terrible? My GOD he needs to stfu like, yesterday.
Maybe he just hid it well. I think he talks himself into a corner most of the time.
Matt Damon needs to be put in rice ASAP. 😩
Excellent question, Miss Melissa.
Oh, for chrissakes, man. You’re nearly 50. Learn when to shut yer gob. What an utter tosser.
Let him keep talking. He’s just digging that hole.
Maybe we weren’t loud enough. So here’s once again: STFU DAMON
He’s actively positioning himself as the man to hire if your studio does not want to bother with harassment policies and transparent procedures – the fratbros have each other’s back and they’re working to undermine the #MeToo movement.
Dude needs to shut his butt mouth.
https://jezebel.com/matt-damon-shut-your-butt-mouth-1821306437
As I said on my twitter a few days ago: Damon is on the list of people I never want to hear from ever again in life
That list is becoming so long that by the end of 2018 I won’t be able to watch any movies anymore.
I hope the rumour of Ian McK is not true…
Dailymail had a story on Ian, and how he said that women bear some blame cause there are women who offer to sleep with men for parts. Ugh.
No offence but anything coming from the Daily Mail is twisted to the bone, even interviews (personal knowledge). So unless that same garbage comes out through Ian McKellan’s publicist I will hold my judgement.
And if it does, someone should have told him that gay men also sleep with other powerful gay men to further their own careers.
He should know as one of them worked with him on The Hobbit.
I need something other than Daily Fail for confirmation.
but if so *table flip*
What an idiotic, irresponsible, and just flat out inaccurate thing of him to say, if he did say it. With their responses to this mess males are really destroying the myth that they’re the reasonable, logical sex. Not that this wasn’t already clearly BS.
I am telling you volunteering and hobbies are important. If anyone cares about him, they will punch him in the mouth so he CAN’T talk. Sheesh.
Did he recently fall and hit his head? Why is he suddenly such a complete idiot?
Nope, this is who he’s always been.
I suspect he’s always been this dumb. It just didn’t stand out when he was saying slightly dumb things about uncontroversial issues.
Not “suddenly”: Alix. Unfortunately, as we have seen, some people present an appropriate facade to the world, but sooner or later, they reveal who they really are. My mamma used to often quote the old Sardinian proverb: “Eventually, every knot gets caught in the comb”.
I haven’t watched movies for about 30 years, apart from when I sometimes took my children to see something. Despite being on here (a site I found accidentally, but liked immediately), I only like a very small handful of actors, and Damon is not one of them. I wouldn’t give you tuppence for most of them. The things that are coming out only makes me despise them more. I hope they clean the entire industry up, so that women (especially) and men can have a safe working environment. More people should boycott the films of predators and supporters of predators. And Damon just needs to shut his cakehole.
@AnnaKist
Sardinia sounds so lovely right now. Off topic but if you live there, I am jealous.
Kaiser u’re right to ask – when did he become THE WORST!!? How can he not see that he is providing cause to gaslight women? I can’t even look at him.
He’s probably always been the worst he just hid it well under all that American nice guy charm and those good looks which people tend to get caught up in. He isn’t the first and sure won’t be the last.
Bingo. Now with social media it’s hard to hide being an as*hole.
Oh, he knows. He’s leading the backlash because he wants this all to stop. The old power structure worked very well for Damon. He’s comfortable with those parameters and like he said before, he’s worked too hard to risk having his success taken away from him. For the powerful people who are still at risk of being exposed as predators, they know Damon is in their corner.
Other a-listers and the yes-men in his circle are probably cheering him on.
Damon is doing a pretty good job at embodying the patriarchy. Amass enough power and influence and protect your four daughters that way.
Spot on NatalieS.
And that’s a terrifying thought.
Just like those whoe benefit from institutional racism and white supremacy will protect it, men who benefit from the patriarchy will defend protect and defend it. What we are seeing now in both instances are those who defend it being exposed.
Those who benefit from a system are always the last to want to change it.
He’s desperately trying to preserve Life As He Knows It. It’s a basic human instinct and we should be prepared for a whole lot more of it. I’d actually have sympathy if what he’s trying to save weren’t so harmful to so many. As it is, well, Matt my boy, you and your bros are going to have to suck it up and deal.
I especially hate his “most men won’t ever be affected by sexual harassment/assault,” statement. You jackass, that’s the point! Of course most men won’t have to face any repercussions from their vile actions. Of course most men don’t actually see themselves or anyone around them as sexual harassers/assaulters. That is exactly the problem. They are so undereducated about what is approproate and innapropriate, what constitutes consent, when consent can and cannot be given, that they think that all of their gross actions are okay. “I’m not a rapist, I would never rape someone, I just use my power and prestige to hound women to sleep with me and don’t take no for answer. Yeah, I might purposefully get someone drunk to make it easier to have sex with them, or I might start having sex with my wife/girlfriend while she’s asleep or passed out, or I might keep having sex with a woman even if she starts crying and stops participating, but I’m not a rapist!” “I might cat call and express my appreciation of total strangers bodies and make comments about how someone’s boobs look so great in that shirt, I might wink and pat someone on the butt and put my arm around a woman so that my hand touches her boobs accidentally, I might in the presence of women, talk about my sexual conquests and talk explicitly about the women I’ve slept with and exactly what they did to me and I did to them, but I’m not a sexual harasser!”
Or maybe this statement means that most men will never have to deal with a public accusation of sexual misconduct with articles being written about them in the newspaper. That doesn’t mean they’ve never harassed or assaulted someone, that just means that their victims are still too scared or embarrassed, or are blaming themselves, or are afraid of being called a liar and having their life ruined.
I would honestly say that the majority of men, most men, have done or said something problematic at some point in their life. The fact that he thinks that most men have not is the problem. He is the problem. His way of thinking, his blindness, his refusal to accept that our society is misogynistic and broken and that women are constantly and continually preyed upon in one way or another, is the problem.
And what about the fact that almost every woman in his life has been touched by sexual harassment or assault? That doesn’t affect him? His relationships and life and career have not been affected by women’s fear and silence? I mean, he’s probably been affected positively—more money, more fame, the ability to do and say everything he wants, the ability to walk the streets at night without fear, the ability to intimidate women into doing what he wants, less women demanding fair treatment, but the fact that he doesn’t see that is sick. Everyone is affected by this. Everyone.
I was asking myself the same question and I realized that this BS he’s airing 24/7 is what the Industry is really discussing and thinking behind the scene.
I’m afraid they are just waiting for the next news cycle to start their Business-as-usual over again. And good boy Damon thinks he will then receive recognition for speaking up for his pals.
I’m afraid to say that this is how I see it.
Yes, I think you’re onto something. The public and private narratives likely do not match up at all. So depressing.
This completely.
Yes, I suspect you are right! I don’t watch many movies anymore – and not usually his movies after that farce The Martian. Glad I won’t have to see his smug mug and really hoping Kimmel stops bringing him on as the “fun guest”. He is so irritating, man!
Yeah. Miserably and horribly, this.
Yes, and he wants his privileges back.
I think he believes that he’s untouchable. He won an Oscar at what, 25. Has probably been told by all of Hollywood how great he is. He truly thinks he’s correct. And for some reason his “people” keep putting him out there talking. It may be that he just keeps his employees and workers around who agree with everything he says. I imagine if his publicist were to say, “maybe don’t say that.” He’d be like, “excuse me?! IM MATT DAMON! WHO THE EFF ARE YOU?!” I can’t see him being ok with people disagreeing with him.
All of his past movies have tanked, and all the future ones will tank too. But bye matty d.
This all also tells us that he is in no way down to earth. A regular guy would have people around him telling him to stfu. He eithe does not have those people around him, only yes people or he refuses to listen to them, another sign of a big head.
Also please continue Matt. I’d love to see how deep you can dig that hole.
Well you need to look up at the moon then, because he has dug that hole through to China by now… (where he will whitesplain to the Chinese how the Great Wall was built)
Lol. Apologies because this is a serious subject, but your comment made me laugh. It goes to the heart of the problem.
Lol. Don’t encourage him.
#MattDamonSaysWords
Has anyone read the threads on Twitter? Some of them are hilarious.
I do agree with anyone who said he should have been left on Mars, where he could agree with himself all day long for an entire Martian year.
Something is going to drop on him soon is my guess.
He is trying way to hard to excuse the men’s behaviour and probably laying the groundwork for his own sexual Harassment claims..,
Why can’t these men be quiet like Keanu, Brad, Denzel etc?
Ian M has now waded into this and put half the blame in women for these rapes, sexual assaults. I am so disappointed in Ian but then again, he used to work with Bryan Singer for decades…
That’s what I thought, too. He doth protest way way way too much.
Nooooooooooooooooooo
Pls tell me it’s just gossip :'(
I actually don’t think that’s the reason. He includes himself in the group whose “life won’t be affected”. I think he’s simply an apologist, is protecting the Afflecks and does not “enjoy” this outpouring because it disrupts his world, reflects badly on Hollywood and is irrelevant to him.
He’s also been repeatedly associated with people like Harvey and Casey and he’s mad, he wants his “best guy in HW” tag back.
He literally can’t even bring himself to call these instances sexual assault lt. “I wouldn’t want to work with someone who…life’s too short.” Who did WHAT Matt? He is both in denial and being deliberately obtuse.
Like Minnie said “If these are our good men, we are in trouble.” (I’m paraphrasing but you get it.)
I’m with you. I think he also takes the allegations against Ben and Casey as personal affronts.
I’m sure he asked Casey during their Oscar campaign if the harassment claims were true, Casey told him it was BS, and Matt believed him 100%. So from his point of view (head firmly up his own ass) innocent people have been accused.
He’s Damonsplaining how his friends are innocent after he did one of his case-by-case investigations.
Matt Damon can go fart in a phone booth.
After eating buckets of beans and Brussels sprouts. And somebody should block the door. Don’t know if he’d care given how disgusting he is. He might even enjoy the experience.
Slow clap, Pumpkin fsp. I wholeheartedly enjoy the imagery of that. Mega LOLs. And I keep laughing. Hahaha.
I choked a little after imagining that. My g-d, the fumes.
So f-cking cancelled. How does he keep making it worse every time he opens his mouth?!
Kaiser u’re right to ask – when did he become THE WORST!!? He doesn’t see that he is providing cause to gaslight women w his case by case comment. I can’t even look at him.
Most likely he’s always been like that. And who knows what he was up to in the past.
I’m going with he’s always been like that too. I did a quick scan of his filmography, and I could find only a handful of films in his very prolific career where he shared significant screen time with female co-star or worked with a woman with greater authority (director, producer, A-list actress, etc.). One could argue that it’s entirely due to the male-dominated nature of the industry, but his status in Hollywood also gave him his pick of projects, so if there are very few strong women in his professional orbit I’m thinking that is definitely a reflection of his personal outlook.
“Hey women of the world. Enough is enough with you talking about years of systemic abuse. Let’s talk about men who don’t abuse. Y’know that whole preponderance of them!”
He is the apex of privilege: white, male, cisgender and straight and has been famous and surrounded my sycophants for 20 years. No wonder he keeps thinking to himself – know what will help? If I keep talking! In particular making it about me!
Saw this on Twitter and made me laugh: Matt Damon is the Lena Dunham of men.
You have to read between the lines of his ABC interview when he talked about having to do a payout to get someone off your back. I think he was referring to Casey Affleck…
I’m assuming he’s talking about signing a Do Not Harass order. Like with projects. Sexually harassing/assaulting someone is already illegal and no one had any consequences before, what is his signature is going to do now? …. i don’t know. But it seems like he thinks its a good enough “try” for him.
I lived in Boston years and years ago. And there was this sub group of men who were really toxic that i haven’t seen since. Hes just bringing me back to those days. I’m waiting for him to tell stranger women to strip in the street because “its too hot out” (in the rain/in the fall) then grab their butt as they pass by. I mean he stands by Ben and Casey because they all act like that and think it’s funny, not harassment… Because it wasnt full on rape or anything, “just a little pat. Jeez.”
Ugh. I think those men you describe are not unique to Boston.
It’s anecdotal and only my experience. I’m sure my Boston is someone else’s LA or wherever. My story, I was never harassed as frequently by strangers as i was when living in Boston. Yes i have been harassed in other cities/towns, but never as much. I mean I had to have my back to the wall for entire parties in Boston – prevented being grabbed by strangers. They were big on butt grabs. And picking you up and carrying you to separate you from your group… which i just walked back because why would i stay to chat with you when you literally caveman style took me?
My point is Wallberg, Afflecks, and Damon all fit the mold of those guys I experienced. They think they’re kings and we are all here for their amusement or abuse. It’s all just in fun for them and they don’t get the other POV.
I’ve lived in Boston for 20 years and I have traveled all over the world. Boston is not somehow more dude bro-y than any other city IMO. I will say that we do tend have a very high population of college students so perhaps the gang mentality and immaturity that I sometimes see with young twenty-somethings played into your experience.
But I always find it odd how people use Affleck, Wahlberg, and Damon as representative of Boston but not John Krasinski, Conan O’Brien, Mario Cantone, Arnold Chun, BJ Novack, Ed Norton, John Slattery, Steve Carell and on and on.
I’m sorry that you had such a terrible experience in Boston and it goes without saying that nobody deserves to be harassed/assaulted/intimidated. But please remember that there are MANY Bostonians/Mass natives working in Hollywood who are absolutely nothing like the men you mentioned. Same goes for the many men who live here.
Ah yes, the it’s not harassment, it’s just a joke or just flirting excuse. That’s where I think his mind is when he’s saying that most men won’t ever be touched by sexual harassment et al. Bc they’re not sexual harassers, they’re “just flirty” or “just like to joke around.”
Oh my god, shut up, shut UP!! Why won’t he shut up?: It’s maddening to hear him still talking!
He’s such an untalented twerp who thinks he’s god.
This! And he’s lost his looks too – wow!
Just waiting for the story that he sexually harassed a bunch of women to come out.
If all of us would boycott his movies, maybe we can get him to rethink his God like complex.
I don’t understand why he is still talking about this. He just needs to sit down and STFU. The only thing I can think is he is trying to find an out for his support of people like Casey Affleck.
It’s because Minnie Driver said something about him. He now has to have the last word.
We should thank him because it helps us to understand what we are up against. Many men just do not get it. My boss, who is a pretty nice guy, admitted to me a year after my sexual harassment case against another man in my company had been resolved, that he didn’t think the harassment was a big deal until he saw how much it affected me. It took him seeing how upset I was, over the period of a year, for it to click for him. Men can minimize it, and in doing so, feel bad for the perpetrator if the “sentence” is too harsh in their minds, e.g. Matt Damon on Louis CK. I’m reminded of the judge in the Brock Turner case who didn’t want to ruin the rapist’s life over “one 20 minute bad decision.”
Dear men of the world,
You do not deserve praise and a cookie for being a someone who doesn’t attack/violate the opposite sex. That’s called being a decent human being, and it it’s how you’re supposed to act.
Signed,
Women of the world
Co-sign.
Yours truly.
I wonder how this is affecting his charity? Especially given one of the ways they raise money is by amplifying girls in danger through quotes like, “Our daughters were always at risk of unwanted attacks at night.”
We used to donate our charitable dollars to this but stopped and focused on a charity closer to home geared towards people closer to my roots. With how Damon is amplifying his own voice to fight for the white man, I’m glad we did. I feel bad for the families in the countries they help, but they can look to Damon for the reason behind a little less dollars going there.
OT, donating to local, smaller charities is a good idea, it can lead to more “visible” results and accountability.
I bet this bloviating buffoon voted for Trump.
in another part of his interview he says that guys who don’t behave badly, should basically be acknowledged and applauded. So keeping your hands to yourself and not whipping out your penis unannounced, now deserves an award. Okay Matt. He can go to hell. Is he going to mansplain to his daughters about how they need to understand that there are levels of harassment and abuse and that they need to to make sure they don’t overreact to having their asses grabbed and save their outrage for when someone attempts to sexually assault them? After all, they wouldn’t want to be the kind of women who cause a man to suffer for something as small as groping. Does he not have a publicist? I’ve never liked him, but now I can say that I hate the man. I though his white mansplaining to a woc director, how diversity wasn’t necessary, was bad enough. He’s completely tone deaf and too egotistical to know to shut his mouth.
This was so effing funny Kaiser!!! I know it’s so terrible of him and he’s such a d!ck, but at some point,you have to laugh and make fun of this bro tastic bro who can’t stop broing. LOL!!!!
How do we make men understand though? I couldn’t do it
let me try to explain :
At a party in September, the guy I was dating started accusing me of flirting with other guys in the club (not true), he was completly drunk (so was I, but I remember everything, he doesn’t). At one point he grabbed me by the neck and pressed for a few seconds. He pushed me several times against the wall (I had bruses the next morning). He was fired from the club.
Back to last Friday, we talked about it and I tried to explain to him how it affected me, how I did a panick attack two days prior when a men in a club reach his hand at the level of my neck.
He then went on and on about how I couldn’t understand what he lives now, that everytime he drinks he thinks about what he did to me, how everytime he sees me he is reminded of it, how I should forgive him and move on so HE could move on. HE was more “traumatized” than me apparently, poor little puppy.
It was so hard so hear that and I couldn’t make him understand that he put that on himself.
How can I make him understand ? How can we can make men understand ?
I’m really lost and I know I could hear some advice from you
It sounds to me like you are in a physically and mentally abusive relationship with someone who has a drinking problem. A person that grabbed your neck and pressed is a very dangerous person. Just because you were also drinking and he did not like your behavior, does not EVER excuse him basically starting to strangle you.
I have been in your shoes. What fixed things for me was, I broke up with the guy and refused to see him again and blocked him from calling me, etc. Once you are not around him and he is not talking to you, you will be able to think straight. The world has billions of people, there are plenty of better men out there.
Agree with the above comment.
That is a huge red flag of an abusive relationship and it never, ever gets better, only worse. Been there done that, many years ago (he nearly strangled me and my neck had bruises too).
My husband also has, sometimes, unjustified issues with jealousy. If he throws a fit, he goes out for a walk, comes back and then listen to what I have to say. He has never lifted a finger (not even when slightly drunk).
Remember… ‘in vino veritas’.
Leave. Leave now. RUN THE F*** AWAY AND BLOCK HIS NUMBER FOR LIFE. Seriously. It’s only going to get worse and he will never see.
Signed, someone who has literally been exactly where you are
totally agree. and he turned it all around and put it on you- that you’re now the bad one for preventing him from moving on. OMG. abusive narcissist extraordinaire. Be done NOW or ASAP and never look back.
Thank you for you answers !! But don’t worry about (for?) me I got out of this the next day when he came to apologize. No regrets.
I see him on a daily basis because we are in the same business school. So we just talked at a party. I wanted him to understand I wasn’t about to forvige him and it will take the time I want, I couldn’t just make it go away. But he doesn’t get it, maybe never will.
Thank you for your concerns, my story wasn’t really clear: (and sorry for my english)
My question was more: why does they think it’s always about them?
I think when guys try to get us to forgive and forget and say “it was t so bad, you’re right, I overreacted and I can see how badly YOU feel,” they are trying to set a precedent with us. If they can get us to forgive and see them as the victim, then they can do the same thing again, or they can do something worse, and they will expect the same forgiveness and pity from us. It is a dangerous cycle.
Your English is fine and very good. We heard you loud and clear Lena. 🙂
I wouldn’t even talk to him because he will try to weasel his way back in if he can to prove to you but really himself he isn’t a bad a guy and that you forgive him.
Read this book which commenters here told me about: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Abusive Men by Lundy Bancroft. What you are describing is abuse but more than that, you will recognize more of his behavior as abusive and manipulative. He will not change and it will get worse if you stay. Also look up narcissistic abuse and narcissistic relationships, there are patterns that they follow. You cannot ever make this man understand because he only cares about himself and what you can do for him. The best thing you can do is to get out and to cut him off completely.
Well I guess it’s gonna be a Christmas present haha.
Thank you for the recommendation!
Thank you. I guess being away from him for more than a year will help cut him off completely.
This book!!! Yes, CB, cannot recommend it highly enough. Reading it finally gave me the courage I needed to understand why I had to leave my 12-year marriage with an abusive alcoholic. It was like a light turned on. All of it was, ironically, stuff I knew (I used to teach gender studies at a major US university), but the survival mode I had been in for so long (I got married young) allowed me to compartmentalize things. That book broke open my neat compartments and helped me get mentally stronger.
If anyone here is struggling with a partner who makes you question your worth, read this book. Thank you for mentioning it, CB!
Lindy I think you’re the one who told me about it a couple of years ago! I believe I had covered at Charlie Sheen story when you commented about it. I read it and gave it to a friend who was married to a “nice” guy who was emotionally abusive and gaslighting her and she said it was spot on. It has helped me a lot too. Thanks!
First, I’m very sorry you’ve been through that even if I don’t know you. Virtual hugs and good vibes!
What he’s said is typical of abusers placing the guilt on their victims and not taking responsibility for their wrongdoings. Stay away from him and do not take the blame. Make your own well being your priority. Cut him off and don’t give him any chance to put anything on YOU. It’s all on HIM!
Thank you.
Thank you all for your advices because I think without just this few comments I wouldn’t have even think of cutting him off completely.
You can’t. You cannot *make* anyone understand anything they don’t want to understand. There is no magic argument, no perfect talking points, and if someone is not ready to change their mind, you cannot change it for them.
You are dating an abusive asshole who cares mostly about himself and how things affect him. He may very well be a narcissist or have narcissistic tendencies. For those types of people, the world is endlessly against them and everything is about them. Other people are merely side characters in the grand narrative of their life. Why would he care how you feel? He’s far too busy feeling sorry for himself and reliving the moment where you made him do something awful. (Note: you did nothing of the kind, this is his twisted, effed up thinking.) For a good example of this type of person taken to level 10, look at the orange idiot in the white house.
So I guess he’s a lost cause ? I mean, I tried but I won’t anymore.
It’s sick and sad to hear men think like that. I’m glad I don’t feel responsible for what he did to me.
Thank you for answering!
I warned his new date, I hope she’ll be okay
In my opinion, people don’t often change. If they do, they do it because they themselves want to and are strongly motivated to change. It would be great if we could influence them, but real meaningful change comes from within. It sucks because people like him are a drain and cause suffering to others. Yet it’s a relief because you are not responsible. You have not failed him or humankind by being unable to convince him of his backwards thinking or cure him of his poor behavior. It’s perfectly fine to walk away. He and he alone is responsible for himself and to me, there’s a freedom in that.
Lena I’m really glad you’re away from him! If you block him on your phone it might help, that’s what they recommend you do for narcissists. It’s good to hear that he’s an ex now.
@Lena
Abusers are not lost causes, abuse is a choice. Absolutely… buy that book!! It’s an eye opening experience.
(Warning future girlfriends: NOT an option, as they end up hating on you but not the guy)
@Celebitchy @Lundy
I cannot avoid to recommend 100 times the Lundy’s Bancroft book.
It LITERALLY saved my life. I started following the advice immediately, reported everything to police and locked myself in (I lived on my own, in a semidetached little house; him and his family had rifles…).
It was hell for 8 months but I got out of it alive.
Adding to Silverunicorn here.
He will then use you to make himself look like a victim and smear you, so she thinks you are a liar. Then he will use that as an effective bonding technique that could keep her with him longer than she would have stayed otherwise.
By cutting him off completely, he can’t keep you connected to him. They are charming, but they are dangerous.
Move on. Cut it clean. Don’t look back.
Get out! Get out now! I once dated someone who thought I was looking too long at some guys playing volleyball on the beach. He squeezed my hand so hard it brought me to my knees and left black bruises on my hand. I stayed with him for a while, but not long after, he knew my feelings for him had changed. He invited me to his apartment to talk. I went. He tried to rape me saying he “was going to make me love him again.” I was fortunate enough to land a kick while he was vulnerable and get out of the apartment before he could recover enough to follow. I never saw him again after that.
Anyone who is reading this, if you are in a similar situation, get out!
Sherry, this is horrible. Absolutely horrible. At least you got were able to get away.
Thank goodness you escaped. That is horrific. Great advice and example.
@Lena: even if you flirted he wouldn’t have the right to hurt you. I wish you well.
Dump him.
That guy is scary and doesn’t care about you, but only for his ‘precious’ feelings.
Men always think they’re the heroes (as they are in the movies), while they are so often the villains in our stories.
He got bitten by a radioactive mosquito and his specially power is judging which man actually did right kind of abuse for him to condemn him as a bad boy. Also a side super power being super douchy bro
Idiot.
Succinct, to the point. Love it.
He’s the talented mr stick my patriarchical foot in my mouth. #sitdownmattdamon
“Shut up, Meg” should be “Shut up, Matt.”
Dear god he just… goes on and on doesn’t he. I wish I was that privileged, that I could spout my bullshit opinions in the face of facts that scream the contrary, and still be filthy rich and working.
Many men claim that their understanding changed when they got married and had daughters (stupid, I know, but better than nothing at this point). Matty D didn’t have that epiphany apparently.
His interiview is on Youtube now and he really never stops talking. It just goes on and on and on, even the interviewer looks a bit perplexed. I’m sure there more behind this than meets the eye.
It’s almost at this point as if he is actively seeking out every media outlet possible to puke all over. What even is Business Insider? A magazine for corporate middle managers? I kind of picture it on the desk of Michael Scott.
I’ve thought for some time that he’s just like his buddy Ben. Entitled and untouchable. He’s just been smarter about it and kept his douchbaggery under wraps. Until now.
You know what’s upsetting me most about this? It’s that Matt Damon is by no means an exception in his thinking.
Yesterday I had a female co-worker bemoan how “bad” it is now – with this “flood” of accusations. She proceeded to say words about how “there’s no control over it”, women can accuse anyone of anything and there’s no way to know if they are telling the truth. (!!!!) The implication being all these poor men whose lives are now ruined because of this trend for accusing guys of stuff. My jaw was on the floor. THAT is some internalized structural misogyny.
Matt’s comments are the mansplaining, “I played a smart person” version of my co-workers’ comment. SMH.
Had the same as well.
If possible it makes me even more upset as it comes from my same gender.
The worst part was I couldn’t say anything – so floored. Have you had any luck addressing this sentiment directly in conversations? I’m interested in hearing how people are navigating these workplace conversations ….
I wouldn’t address it anymore. Waste of time.
I have nearly ended a friendship when I found out she was speaking about ‘witch hunts’ and full-on victim-blaming Spacey’s victims.
In the end I decided only to let the friendship ‘fade away’.
It’s a lost cause. They have internalized misogyny so deeply that they will never be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I don’t know if this would be an effective argument, but what about all the women who have had their lives ruined by being sexually assaulted? What about the ones who were raped or molested but branded as a slut? What about those who have gone onto drugs, alcohol, self harm, eating disorders, and sex work (that isn’t coming from a place of empowerment but from a sense of despair?)? What about the women who are falsely accused of having even consensual sex? I think every high school has a few a girls who are branded as slutty and easy just bc some guy has claimed to have had sex with them.
Even if one man if falsely accused (or even rightly accused), he will have a whole horde of supporters and people who will justify him and blame the women. I can’t think of any man whose life has honestly been RUINED by an accusation. Some of these guys aren’t working right now, but they’re not in jail, they still have all the money in the world, some still have their family and friends, etc.
Won’t someone think of all the men who don’t commit sexual violence?! Where are their medals for not taking their dicks out and keeping their hands to themselves?!
Who are Matt Damon’s people? And why doesn’t he have someone around him who loves him enough to tell him to STFU?
Both his publicist and his wife need to sit him down and have a nice chat. Though my suspicion of his wife is that she is the nod and smile type. Because if your husband is going around saying s*it like this the dynamics of your relationship are suspect at best.
Yes, his publicist and agent both need to put a muzzle on him immediately. And then maybe make him go on an apology tour in a month or two.
His wife strikes me as a “knows what side her bread is buttered on” wife.
Matt. Matty. Mattster… shut. up.
P.S. Thank you for not raping us. You are AWESOME!
Biggly Love, all the women.
Damon is a freakin a#s but I love that he keeps talking for a few different reasons. First of all, I love seeing him get dragged on Twitter, especially by motherf’in Cher. She is coming for him and it is awesome. Second, it’s so great to see the epitome of white male privilege struggling with the fact that his voice isn’t the leading voice on a topic – I think that’s why he’s still talking and the more he talks the more people will realize that maybe these entitled white men shouldn’t be calling all the shots. Third, he’s saying what a lot of guys, unfortunately, are thinking. I just got into a long FB thread with a guy last night asking why everyone was mad at Damon. I don’t know if I made an impression on him but it was a way to address a problematic issue without making my friend feel like I was attacking his opinion – I was attacking Damon. And at the end of the day, I have to believe that having these conversations, over and over again, with men (and some women, unfortunately), is really important and can hopefully start moving the needle a bit on how we view these problems. I’m also happy because Effie Brown has got to be happy that other people are finally realizing that Damon is an entitled idiot.
I do love seeing white male privilege exposed. And I agree – Effie Brown is cackling in karma right now. The irony of this is that the movie Damon is promoting actually looks pretty good. If he weren’t in it I would pay to see it. And I think that will be the response from a lot of women – which has always been a huge fan demographic of his. I truly believe that he is so out of touch that he doesn’t get that he is directly negatively impacting his own career.
Oh to be Effie’s best friend right now. A bottle of wine and a night of reading all the drags and takedowns. I enjoy his stupidity with no apologies.
Exactly. This is all very true. Damon is far, far from alone in his opinions, and he’s accustomed to being a leading voice on many topics. He is representative of a large group, a group accustomed to being in charge and leading the narrative.
Jess.. I think you are right. One thing that happened this year is the myth of white male superiority being debunked.. Trump, Ryan Matt..there is a continuum of folks I will no longer patronize or give the benefit of doubt. No more Damon movies
That’s Cher Martinetti not Cher the singer that’s been going after Matt Damon on Twitter, right?
He’s been beloved for too long and taken seriously for too long and been told he’s “the smart guy in Hollywood” for too long. This guy has been lauded for decades. Decades. Of course he thinks his voice matters and that his opinion carries weight. In the past, it has. His interviews have been platforms for him to discuss importance issues that matter to him and people listened. Right up until recently he has been considered a crusader for liberal causes. So of course he’s still talking. He doesn’t realize just how out of touch he really is, how shielded in the bubble his life is and has been since he was a young man, or what the stakes are here.
He’s good friends with men who harass women. I doubt he really saw much of it, and when he heard about it he got the bro version of “dude I scored” or some such nonsense that completely eliminates the woman as a being with thoughts and feelings and reduces her down to little more than a video game achievement. He’s watching his dudebros being accused right and left, likely wondering if he’ll be next (because if nothing else harassers always appear to be the last to know they’ve committed such offenses), and trying to use what he thinks is his respected platform to mitigate the effects of what he sees as the world as he knows it coming apart at the seams.
So when one of his daughters gets sexually harassed or abused is he going to would he wait to see if the allegations are true or not or is he going to just beat the snot out of the guy? My daughter had a boyfriend (she was 16 at the time) that wanted to make their relationship exclusive – no outside friends, just the two of them. When she broke it off he threatened to get a shotgun and shoot her, her family and pets. We didn’t hesitate to go to the school he went to, her school, the police and everyone we could let know what was going on. Didn’t wait. Would not hesitate believing any of my grandchildren (male or female) if they came and told me they were being harassed or abused.
The argument for “not all men” is always “but every woman” so he can stfu, it’s ENOUGH men that ALL women. “Most guys I know don’t do this” just means “me and my dudes don’t recognize this as sex assault/harassment, it’s just being flirty/playing the game/friendly joking/well she didn’t say no”.
Matt, it’s time to zip it.
Why doesn’t someone in his circle tell him to stop talking? Seriously. STOP TALKING!!! Have a seat, Matt.
Does anyone else wonder what Jimmy Kimmel thinks about all of this? Does he still do a bit about Damon at the end of every show?
He really is so self-righteous and stupid, that’s why he keeps going on and on.
He is best friends with a guy who is a creep that can’t keep his hands to himself and they were close to Harvey Weinstein. I would be willing to bet there is some dirt that Matt is praying never sees the light of day. Period.
Yes this, sorry I just saw your comment. I agree 100%. Me think the lad doth protest too much.
So during this great discussion of sexual harassment and assault in the workplace, he wants us to discuss the men who don’t harrass or assault.
“But Matt listen to the women”
Matt- “who?”
Exactly.
You have to wonder if that Guardian headline asking HW actors to weigh during the early days of the scandals was Damon’s signal to get his Hold My Beer moment on…
Months of this bull$hit and he still hasn’t STFU.
While I’ve never believed the common assumption that Damon is as brilliant as he think he is, and as he wanted and succeed to make some think he is, I do believe he has at least an average intellect and is street smart enough to understand what he’s doing and how these comments will be perceived in this particular moment. So my assumption, after reading these second interview which adds to a whole behaviour pattern he’s shown since the beginning of the Weinstein scandal and its development into the #metoo movement, my assumption is that he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing and he has some powerful backers supporting this counter-attack of some sorts that the patriarchy misogynist powers to be in Hollywood and other positions of power, are organizing, orchestrating because they start toot only be actually scared of what the movement has become, but is hitting them when it hurts them the most: MONEY. So Damon is their mouthpiece and there will be others.
I’ve seen a number of TV shows where the characters have to attend sexual harassment prevention training & in every single show it’s been treated as a joke, every time. Male writers, directors, producers, camera operators—all consider harassment part of the norm. It’s so very ingrained.
Look up ‘mansplaining’ in the dictionary, and you’ll find either a picture of my ex-husband, my dad, or Matt Damon. Probably Matt Damon, because he’s famous. Or, actually, there’d be so many choices, none of them would make the cut? OMG SHUT UP MATT!
Matt’s audience is the bromance club guys. Didn’t he and Ben win some sort of award a couple of years ago for being the best of the bro friends or something?
He’s not talking to women. He’s convincing other men they are perfectly right to believe the same stuff he is spouting.
Men have each other’s back way better than women for other women. That’s their strength.
Weinstein was brought down finally, it has been said, because his power waned. Did it wane because his movies were not as successful in recent years?
Maybe women should look at the power brokers in the HW scene and hit them where their power base is – in their pocket. Stop supporting the product and the power may wane….
We gotta be better about having each other’s back if we want to bring this to anywhere near a level playing field.
He makes me so effing angry! I was gonna write a whole text, but all i can make myself utter is: ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! OMFG!!!!! SHUT UP MATT DAMONNNNNNNN!!!!
(Very eloquent, I know hehe)
You are spot on!
Here’s a good article for you about Matt’s mainsplaining, foot-in-mouth disease.
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/celebrity/is-matt-damon-ok-20171219-h077qp.html
I should have learned my lesson about Matt Damon that time he tried to explain diversity to Effie Brown. Actually, Matt Damon should have learned his lesson about Matt Damon that time he tried to explain diversity to Effie Brown. I guess it didn’t sink in.
Never paying for a Matt Damon film again. My money is not going to this creep.
He is so cancelled. I’m never gonna watch any movie that he’s in. Douchebag.
Perhaps he has something to hide? He is friends with one of the biggest douche canoe of them all Affleck right? Perhaps they both have some nasty secrets.
@Kitten
I wouldn’t appoint Edward Norton or BJ Novak as ambassadors to Boston if I were you. Both have had fairly persistent rumors about them floating around LA.
“there are a whole s—load of guys — the preponderance of men I’ve worked with — who don’t do this kind of thing”.. like you did with your with Ben and Casey Affleck?
‘What’s the story here?’” .. there story seems to be that you’re an ignorant douche.
Blind Gossip has a really interesting post today. Not validating, just mentioning.
Please tell me all of this word poop was said at once and is being released slowly.
Talk about tone deaf, sheesh!
THIS IS NOT A HYPOTHETICAL for Matt Damon.
He knew about Weinstein and continued associating with him. He knew about Casey Affleck and gave him the starring role in a prestige project.
This commentary is about exonerating his own abuser-enabling behavior.
What comes through loud and clear in Matt Damon’s speechifying is that he feels he has more in common with abusive powerful men than his women colleagues victimized by men.
He doesn’t even know Louis CK but chooses this moment to say “he’s a fan”.
His continued defense of predators speaks to a guilty mind. Cutting too close to home with your bros Ben & Casey Affleck? What skeletons are in your closet?
The studio, producers, director, writer, actors, the entire crew must be livid. He is responsible if the film tanks. He’s a one man wrecking crew. They need to yank him from any further publicity. His movies are becoming more tedious. In terms of his current actions -I’m all set.
Did Matt Damon have to sign some legal agreement such as sexual harassment settlement documents? I think he may be saying someone has accused him of sexual harassment and he settled with them and had to sign the documents. Or is he referring to Casey Affleck? Im wondering if Casey Affleck signed something admitting what he did as part of the settlement with the women he harassed. Did Casey then tell Matt that he didn’t do it but he still signed the papers so it would go away? Matt Damon would probably believe Casey Affleck.
my version, at this point, is that they just don’t get it.
even if they’ll ever get caught in molestation, there is a good chance they will like it-or at least they think they will- that’s why they will never ever understand what that’s all about
racism, segregation, poverty, everyone could feel it, some day, in some occasion, if it happens . and so it’s easyer to get
but being molested …it’s something we woman live with since forever. A man is not afraid to walk alone in the night, and never will.
I am so sad. and sadder with people that make those dudes talk