Jennifer Garner was a guest on James Corden’s show and I totally forgot what she was promoting despite the fact that I’ve seen Love, Simon and have written about her lackluster performance in that movie. Love, Simon is amazing and I would recommend that everyone see it and bring their teen with them, but Garner’s part as the mom is forgettable and could have been played by any number of actresses. Anyway she’s getting press for telling what must be a heavily embellished or completely fabricated story about a girl being sent home early from her high school band camp in West Virginia. Garner wouldn’t specific which instrument the girl played which either means she’s protecting the girl’s identity or made up this story. Here it is:
She said:
In the hills of West Virginia… we did have a one time at band camp situation.
There was a brass player, a young girl… oftentimes at band camp you’ll have your first experience. Some kind of juicy experience. She administered her first B to the J but she took it very literally and she had quite a strong blow. She had a serious set of lungs, so somebody went home early. Bless.
I’m reminded of that Seinfeld episode when Elaine ruined that saxophonist’s performance. In other words the story that Garner told sounds like complete fiction. It’s also possible it’s one of those urban legend stories that high schoolers tell that’s totally false and slut-shaming. Like a kid hurt his leg and had to go home and everyone claimed the shy trumpeter gave him a BJ injury. Either way this isn’t really on brand for Garner to repeat it.
Meanwhile Garner posted a video of herself dressed in full band regalia and playing Happy Birthday on her saxophone. It was in honor of Reese Witherspoon’s 42nd birthday, which was yesterday. And here I thought that she had already been as extra as possible on Instagram, but she just keeps topping herself. You got to give it to her though, this is who she is and she’s owning it, cringey stories and all.
photos credit: WENN
Garner girls donât repeat such stories.
Reese is a distant cousin on my paternal side. I wonder how sheâd react to my non-white self saying âhi, cuzâ on Insta lol. The thought makes me giggle.
Anyhoo happy Friday. Yâall.
Iâm the worldâs biggest prude. Isnât this something you keep in private?
Jenniferâs been kind of hit and miss with me lately.
These videos perfectly highlight why she’s always irritated me beyond words. IMO, there is something incredibly false about her, combined with the fact that she still has this really strange ‘stuck in high school’ persona – along with a generous helping of sanctimony. Just. don’t. get. the. appeal.
Right? It’s weird, because I feel like I can still sense when she’s lying. If she did grow up in WV, that colors a person’s tendencies and inclinations to an extent, (my hubs is from there and I’ve had to shake my head at remnants of mysogy-lite archetypes he’s tried on over the years) so I could see how perhaps she wouldn’t be the best at wearing herself rather than the mask she built in an attempt to fit in. However, how was she SO good at playing Sydney Bristow on Alias? That woman was marvelous. Either she’s not self-aware and truly WV-innocent, not that great an actress, or it’s all intentional with an occasional missing of the mark.
Yes, yes! I find her very irritating–the exaggerated expressions, the “Garner girl” prissiness, the whole deal. She’s an average actress who wouldn’t be in the news at all if not for her marital dramas.
Yup, fer sure. She’s my tapioca and magnoliarose’s dry potato.
But you get Ben Affleckâs appeal?
Ha, this.
No, I don’t see Affleck’s appeal at this point, but that has nothing to do with JG. I’ve always had the same opinion of her, irrespective of BA. It’s not an either/or.
Haha, I forgot she was a bank geek in high school. I did a lot of research on her back in her Alias heyday because I was obsessed with that show. She really is just a huge dork, take it or leave it and that’s always who she has been. I mean she used to have a lab called Martha Stewart (I’m assuming the dog has since died). If you go back and watch her earlier interviews, she’s always been this gregarious, whole some kind of person.
One thing I did notice in the last few years and I think she’s always had it (but it was less noticeable on Alias and I think she made an effort to tone it down on the show) is her lisp. I’m surprised nobody has pointed that out. It’s not huge but it’s still there.
Yeah as much as this all feels a little too much, I went to school w her and she did go to band camp (the place she is referencing is a scary old place called Camp Virgil Tate) and yah, it probably is true. Sounds very much like her sadly. Lol
Used to think she was sincere & genuine. Around the time she started her instagram shenanigans I realized that she is no different from most of Hollywood in that she is simply cultivating a certain image and promoting herself accordingly – she is the product
I love Alias and therefore Jennifer will always hold a dear place in my heart, I don’t think I could tolerate her extraness otherwise.
She is THE most boring person on Earth. Sheâs such a stick in the mud. The prude act is played.
I canât pick a winner in the 3âway tie between Jennifer Garner, Taylor Swift, and Selena Gomez for the âprissy, boring, stuck in high schoolâ award! They share similar, strikingly bland personalities, complete with a touch of pettiness, and play a constant game to be seen as âgoodâ ones.