As we all know by now, Justin Theroux is Edgy. Justin Theroux is Cool. Justin Theroux is a New Yorker. Justin Theroux isn’t here for all of that fluffy LA nonsense, the hanging-out-celebrities, the posteuring, the yoga, the whole LA vibe, man. He’s too edgy for that. He’s so edgy that he wanders around New York with a Louis Vuitton backpack, because he’s a brand ambassador for LV. Because edgy. He’s so edgy that he agrees to strange infomercial Esquire interviews where he seems to be simultaneously promoting his friend’s restaurant (Subturtle), Casamigos Tequila, and Edgy New York. I have no idea why this Esquire piece exists or what it’s even promoting, honestly. All I know is that I’m overwhelmed by the edginess. Here are my favorite parts of this Esquire piece:
Esquire describes Justin as “the actor, producer, director, and fan of leather jackets.”
He’s just there to help his friend, and also Casamigos tequila? From Esquire: “Theroux is here to help his former nightlife friend (and Le Turtle co-owner) Carlos Quirarte open Subturtle, a new private dining room located just downstairs in the Lower East Side bistro. With Chef Victor Amarilla, the trio created a menu to celebrate the new venue and Justin’s love of good food. Tonight, that menu includes quinoa carbonara, filet mignon with charred spring onions, and chocolate sorbet with milk crumbs. Surrounded by friends and shots of Casamigos, Theroux talked to Esquire about eating in New York, his favorite indulgences, and the worst meal he ever had.”
He seems to have a hand in the menu: “They’re not giving me any complicated tasks to do. I sort of make recommendations—things I like to eat—then [Carlos] presents me with beautiful options, and I say, “that’s fantastic.” It’s great.
New York is about Edgy Takeout: “When you get a little change in your pocket, the nice thing about New York is knowing that you can get almost any meal brought to you in about 20 to 40 minutes. It seems like it was quicker before Seamless.
He loves an Edgy Turkey Burger: “I like the Cozy Soup ‘n’ Burger turkey burger with onion rings. Well-done. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. I don’t think it’s gonna get any Michelin stars, but in the wintertime especially, it’s so good.
Note how the Esquire interview ends: “Carlos is like the mayor of New York. He’s annoying to walk around with, because people constantly stop him and want to give him hugs. But having a friend who has some of the best restaurants in the city is never a bad idea. It’s great to be back.”
“It’s great to be back” and “the nice thing about New York” and just the whole f–king thing… he acts like he just got out of jail! A prison made out of yoga and beachy caramel highlights. Also: HE WAS LIVING IN NEW YORK THE WHOLE TIME. He never gave up his “bachelor pad.” He got Heidi Bivens to move out and then he just kept the apartment, and he split his time between New York and LA for years, but he was mostly in New York. For the love of God.
Also: who names a turkey burger as one of their favorite meals in the world? I get that many of you might like turkey burgers, but is ANYONE so ride-or-die for turkey burgers that you would name that as your favorite food? I guess we’re not edgy enough to understand the appeal of turkey burgers.
Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News, WENN, Backgrid.
I could go for a turkey burger right about now.
lol…
yeah, I won’t fault him for that. maybe the burger has a great sauce on it or something that just MAKES the burger.
there’s a small sandwich shop in my town that does a fish burrito that is TO DIE FOR. If I told someone my favorite thing was a fish burrito, people would probably be like “huh?” but, it has a lime cilantro dressing that is amazing and like nothing else I’ve ever tasted. so, there you go.
but…you know, it’s an edgy turkey burger.
Notice how it’s not the meat or the fish that makes you love the burger or the burrito. It’s the sauce, made with plants.
Me too. But at this age, GI problems are real. Onions and onion rings, which I use to love, are no longer my friend. What’s next? Chocolate? White flour? Why, God, Why??
I’m close to vegetarian and I love turkey burgers! When I want MEAT(!), that’s what I go for.
I never liked burgers until I discovered turkey burgers. I’m the oddball that prefers turkey burgers to real burgers.
Also, as a general rule, I won’t fault someone for the foods they love. If someone’s favorite food is plain toast made from white bread-more power to them. Food taste is just not something I can work up any judgment over.
As a huge Leftovers fan, I had hopes for Justin. He was so good in that show and I enjoyed his interviews at the time. But God, what a douche. That Louis Vuitton backpack says it all.
Honestly, I know Jennifer Aniston plays up the whole “poor Jen” PR spin, but between him and Brad, she’s far better off without of the two of them. And now she needs a better picker.
I know, I’m having trouble reconciling the two Justins. But this one is terribly thirsty and can take a far, far hike to oblivion. He also looks like total sh*t in that header pic, like he’s been partying non-stop. 50’s still coming for you, pal.
He was also excellent in Mute that came out on Netflix recently. Paul Rudd stole the movie, but Justin was convincingly creepy. And Justin and Paul had great chemistry. Justin is a good actor. I will give him that.
He’s hit or miss. Wonderful in the Leftovers, terrible in GOTT. I couldn’t bring myself to watch Mute due to certain aspects of the storyline, but he does seem drawn to darker roles and interesting character work.
Justin is a terrible actor, he was horrible in Leftovers. The fact he left his partner of 14 years, Heidi Bivens, For Jennifer Aniston says it all, he was always a douche and always will be. I never liked him. I think Brad dodged a bullet with her though and was better off without Aniston.
Hilarious headline. The onion rings are served in a black leather basket.
Yikes. I think the “finally free of the ol’ ball and chain” narrative is what a lot of guys try to spin after separating from their wives. It’s very sexist and gross.
I think if he was any more “edgy” that his photos would need “Beware of Sharp Edges” warnings. *groan* He’s about as edgy as a squashed marshmallow, ffs.
My perception of him has grown from casual indifference to active dislike. He doesn’t deserve Jen.
I don’t dislike Justin, but he is coming across extremely thirsty, the exact opposite of his edgy persona he likes to put out there.
I wonder if he isn’t feeling anxiety at knowing his fame level and opportunities could drop without Jen A. There is a whiff of desperation that’s very different than how he came across before.
If he’s feeling desperation it has to be about the fame. He has been in several “cult” movies and tv shows that will guarantee him more work if he wants it.
I remember the first role I saw him in- Mulholland Drive. I thought he was pretty cute in his Buddy Holly styling and his character was funny so I kinda of imagined him being like that in real life. Plus his uncle? being Paul Theroux I thought he was maybe a more a cerebral type. I forgot about him after that until JA entered the picture. Ever since he has been on a downward spiral to where he is now, the edgy butt of jokes (or the butt of edgy jokes). He is so easy to make fun of now, so very very far from the image he had planned and desperately tried to cultivate. Thanks for listening y’all, I’ve been wanting to say that for awhile but my friends wouldn’t understand. I am a long time lurker and I feel like I know some of you even though we’ve never talked. It’s kind of like you’re celebrity. Cheers! P.S Hi Grant!
In Mulholland Drive, David Lynch asked him to wear his own frames. I agree he seemed to inhabit that character very comfortably.
I’m disturbed by the gun pendant
I once got food poisoning from an inadequately cooked turkey burger.
How’s that for edgy?
I can’t adequately assess the edginess until I know where you were sick.
Did you destroy a bathroom in New York or LA? New York +5edge points, LA -2
Did you egregiously name drop during the event? +2 edge points
If it is in Berlin in the early aughts, there are bonus points involved. If it was in say some rave in Siberia in the early 90s, then you win forever.
Okay I have to say, NYC has the best turkey burgers that I have ever eaten. So I didn’t mind what he said. Wait, does this mean that I’m edgy too?
Blech, I hate turkey anything.
Turkey burgers ARE DRY just like Justin! I wish he would quit with the skinny jeans. They make his legs look 2 feet long.
My God. He’s insufferable.
Man cave makes this turkey jalapeño burger that is wonderful. They are in the freezer section at the grocery.
Every time I’ve ever ordered one at a restaurant it’s been dry.
I hate pretentious things like “milk crumbs.”
^^^
I had to Google because I’d never heard of milk crumbs, and I’m a foodie. Who knew? It’s a thing. Aside: I can make these easily. LOL next time I want to impress dinner guests…
I know, right? I think of “milk crumbs” as the gross, crumbly white residue left on my fridge’s shelf from the milk carton. I’m not sure I want to know what they are.
I stopped and rolled my eyes at that too. Edgy.
I was wondering WTF these were too.
ok, totally agree with him being a tool *but* as a pastry chef I can tell you that I love milk crumbs and use them on many many things. They are basically crumb topping made with some white chocolate and milk powder. They are wonderful to keep a jar of and top cooked (or raw) fruit, or to add on top of a cake to give it some texture (especially if someone has a nut allergy) Think like the outside of a strawberry shortcake ice cream pop.
I have no idea if this link will work but they are my apple pie truffles with white chocolate and milk crumb. https://www.instagram.com/p/BSv-Fy-gLWz/?taken-by=elfrethsalleycat
They are not at all edgy, but they are awesome.
Great one @Kaiser
So edgy *snort*
Hope “Phoebe” mugs him for his backpack
It’s as if he is so mad at himself for being with Jen. Now it’s like he wants us all to scrub it from our memory. The poetic justice is that he can’t. No amount of turkey burgers will do that, and honestly turkey burgers sounds like something she would like!
His marriage to Jen will be in the FIRST LINE of his obituary. LOL.
If I were Jennifer, I would LOVE reading your articles about Justin. I can picture her sipping on her frozen Margarita, laughing to herself about Justin’s “Edgy” Turkey burger LOL.
I’m sure she’s so sick of his “edginess” she probably doesn’t even bother. If we find him tedious, imagine how she feels at this point. He really didn’t seem this tedious before they got married. He gave some great interviews. I think the fame totally went to his head. His move back to NYC has done no favors because he sounds so exhausting now.
Omg is that an LV backpack???!
It is. I can’t think of a single hipster who would actually own one of those!
He reps LV.
Oooh, how edgy!
LOL, what a twit he is.
I didn’t have much of an opinion about him previously, he was OK on Six Feet Under.
But in the last few months, every new interview/profile of him just makes him seem like more and more of a … loser? poser? 40 year old men should not be so try-hard.
Of all the brands in the world to rep to guarantee a lifetime ban from Club Edge, it is LV.
He wishes he were edgy, but he can’t quit the luxury as long as it doesn’t involve Cabo and A list access.
I live in Italy and I find the mere existence of something called quinoa carbonara deeply insulting.
“He seems to have a hand in the menu: “They’re not giving me any complicated tasks to do. I sort of make recommendations—things I like to eat—then [Carlos] presents me with beautiful options, and I say, “that’s fantastic.” It’s great.”
WHY IS THIS NOT MY JOB??
AMY SEDARIS SPOTTING IN THE TOP PIC! I love her!!!
I agree. I love her too. She’s as quirky as there is. I’ve read that she was the “best man” at his wedding, but I’ve also seen that Scott Campbell (Lake Bell’s husband) was the best man. Not sure which is accurate. His group of friends is certainly eclectic.
I clicked the link and read the article. It was nice, light, and made me want some good food. A turkey burger and pizza sound good right now.
There wasn’t an “I’m so edgy” tone to this.
I used to work out at a gym that had the best turkey burgers that were juicy, not dry. I don’t know their secret to it or their seasonings, but I craved them from there. I would go work out sometimes just to go to their cafe and get one after. And a nice side of crispy onion rings with it sounds scrumptious.
I put chopped onions and worcestershire sauce in mine (along with salt and garlic powder), then grill… and they are SO juicy and delicious!! Everyone come over for a bbq! BYOOR (Bring your own onion rings!)
You can throw a dollop of dijon mustard in them, and it will give them a little extra kick too.
I make vegan “turkey” burgers from a brand called Abbot’s Butcher, and they are delicious. So I am coming but BYOVBAOR. (Bring your own vegan burger and onion rings)
I’m the backpack photo, I swear he’s wearing a hair piece. Dude did not have that much coverage before.
Would love to see a video of someone ripping that backpack off of him. Maybe pushing him down while they do it.
Still no hint of divorce papers filed. Every couple that gets divorced we hear of papers filed. How many weeks since this split. No papers and no lawyers.
I know. I am beginning to believe Carmen’s theory that there was no real marriage.
He won my respect with Tropic Thunder and Iron Man 2, but …
“chocolate sorbet with milk crumbs”??? That’s ridiculous.
“Bless his heart!”
Is anyone else bursting into laughter at these posts? I’m genuinely sorry for people who have to figure out who they really are after a marriage ends, but the deconstruction of Justin Theroux’s life post-divorce is burgeoning in the most comical way—omg, the turkey burgers! I literally started crying, I was laughing so much just now, and I’m not feeling good about it. Not too much. Well, a little. I loved him in the Leftovers—couldn’t care less if his jeans are too tight. Leave the guy alone, already! What else is there possibly to say about the man? Actually, I’m clicking first thing in the morning to find out.
I am literally dying over these posts.
I was actually a bit bummed when they split, because I like Justin as an actor and think Jennifer is a decent human being. But, man, he really does seem like a bit of a tool, doesn’t he?
I now get the feeling now that she is the one who was DONE, who got tired of his whole shtick and wanted out.
The NY thing is ridiculous. They had 3 dogs and everytime Jennifer went to NY she was treated like a zoo animal by the paps, yet he was still apparently fixated on living there. I’m not suprised living in a shoebox and being followed on the street 24-7 didn’t end up being feasible for her. Meanwhile, Justin still kept his own apartment, had his own space and the ability to travel, but he’s acting like he just got out of Cali hell. Gimme a break.
Wow. I never had much of an opinion of him before, but he really sounds insufferable. Ugh.
…which he probably eats about once a year cos otherwise at his age he would be Ben Affleck-size…
Kaiser, you aren’t EDGEY enough to understand how edge turkey burgers are 😉
That said, JA was done a favor when this marriage ended. He’s an idiot.
Longtime lurker, first time poster. I have literally cried from laughing over the edginess of this post. Also, as a New Yorker, I have now become obsessed with tracking down sir edginess in person. It may become a problem.
I will only say I see him around quite often and he doesn’t stand out and is unremarkable. He can pass you by and only later will it come to you that it was him. Hang around downtown especially when the weather warms up in the NYU-East Village-Soho vicinity. When the businesses open up and sidewalk seating becomes possible you might see him outside drinking with friends. 😉 Trendy or legendary cool divey type places not that many are still left but..
Let us know when you catch him out with one of his young f***buddies that he’s supposedly had for a year
Welcome! Hope you track down Mr. Edge and then give us a full recap here 🙂