Ariana Grande: ‘blaming women for a man’s inability to keep his sh-t together is a problem’

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Ariana Grande and Mac Miller broke up, after two years, just last month. Mac got arrested for DUI last week, right before we heard that Ariana had moved on with SNL’s Pete Davidson. I know much more about Ariana’s music than Mac’s but apparently he’s a rapper and he’s incredibly popular. (Some of his videos on YouTube have between 50-70 million views.)

One of Mac’s fans tweeted about him and claimed that Mac got a DUI “after Ariana dumped him for another dude” after he “poured his heart out” to her on his album.

Ariana saw that tweet and she really eloquently set the record straight about Mac, saying that she was trying to support him throughout his sobriety but that she’s not to blame. She wrote, in part, that “I am not a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be,” and that “blaming women for a man’s inability to keep his sh-t together is a problem.” I was so impressed with this.

Then, instead of dismissing Ariana or telling her she misinterpreted him, the man whose tweets Ariana was responding to, Elijah Flint, apologized in a thoughtful and respectful way! I couldn’t believe this. He wrote, “I am sorry to make it seem like a break up is a justifiable cause to go deep end” and “I’m very sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry you feel my tweet stigmatizes women for ending a toxic relationship that wasn’t my intention at all.” You can read his full apology in the photo below.

Then Ariana thanked him very sweetly.

Reading those tweets gives me goosebumps! We hardly ever see celebrities interacting positively with fans who insult them, usually it devolves quickly. I’m always impressed when I see people work out their differences online, I’ve seen it in our comments here, and this is a great example of that. It also shows Ariana’s maturity, and this man’s ability to learn from his mistakes and admit when he’s wrong.

Now I’m worried about Mac Miller. I know that sounds ridiculous and Ariana is absolutely right, you can only help someone so much and ultimately they’re the only person responsible for their own sobriety. 22 people were killed by a terrorist at Ariana’s Manchester concert last year and she’s not out getting DUIs. Macklemore is open about his sobriety and all he’s gone through, and he knows Mac Miller, they’ve collaborated together. I wonder if Macklemore can be support for Mac. Maybe Mac will be court ordered to attend AA, but he’s not going to get sober until he decides to. Alcoholism ruins so many lives, relationships and families. Also I checked Mac’s Instagram and Twitter and he seems to have stopped posting right around the time he and Ariana broke up.

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Photos credit: Getty

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39 Responses to “Ariana Grande: ‘blaming women for a man’s inability to keep his sh-t together is a problem’”

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  1. Beckymae says:

    I’ve never cared much for Ariane Grande but her response was perfect and eloquent, I too was very impressed. I hope Mac sorts his shit out, I think most of us have an ex just like him…

    • cd3 says:

      her response was good. credit where credit is due. i almost forgot about that donut licking incident!

  2. Harla says:

    Good for her!!! I too am getting so tired of women getting blamed for men’s bad behavior!

  3. Darla says:

    I had cancelled her after the donut incident, which was so gross. But she has been impressing me for a while now. I’ve written that off as youthful bratiness and moved on.

    • Spring says:

      Same, I thought that was so juvenile & self-involved. And this donut lover deplored the donut defacement. But this response from her was pitch-perfect. Kudos to the man who apologized so promptly and articulately, too.

  4. Lucy says:

    What a great story! Truly. Not Mac’s addiction (obviously not) but the exchange between Ariana and that guy.

  5. tegteg says:

    This was uplifting, I needed this. The internet is often so full of hate, that it’s nice to see a disagreement turn into a learning moment. Dude fu**ed up, acknowledged it and apologized – that’s how it’s done, people!

  6. Case says:

    I never liked her, but I think she has grown up a lot. She really earned my respect for how gracefully she handled herself after the horrible tragedy in Manchester. She’s so right here, and I love the exchange!

    • lucy2 says:

      I agree – I still have issues with her little girl schtick, but she handled Manchester better than most could have, and her response here is spot on.
      Kudos to the guy for responding as he did too.

  7. roses says:

    So agree with her and glad she decided to move on.

  8. Jess says:

    I have goosebumps too! I wish all internet arguments ended like this, damn. She’s absolutely right though, very well said.

  9. Udi says:

    She couldn’t have been more accurate with her response. Women are not rehabilitation centres for badly raised men.

  10. girl_ninja says:

    She seems to be a smart, thoughtful and eloquent young woman. I remember an interview she did with some dudes from a radio station a few years back. They asked some douchey misogynist question and she put them in check.

    Not a big fan of her music, but I do like this young lady.

    • Yup, Me says:

      I remember that, too. They were asking her stupid questions about her cell phone and then stereotyping (in the most basic and foolishly simplistic ways) and she wasn’t letting them get away with it. She eventually called them out for needing to brush up on their equality and expand their thinking. She caught my attention with the way she held her own there. Ariana Grande is no punk.

  11. jenna says:

    She’s amazing, and today’s young girls are lucky to have her as a cultural figure to look up to.

    (On a side note, people are still talking about donuts after all that has happened?? Gosh.)

    • katrine troelsen says:

      RIGHT!? How in Gods name can ppl here write “ok NOW she has redeemed herself after licking a donut”?? ITS BEYOND ABSURD. She didnt harm anyone and also its yeaaars ago. I cannot fathom how that even factors in when people judge her and her actions. How do u think you would fare after a terorist blew up your concert? Sit down and shut up and respect this woman, is what i say to all of you donut-obsessed people!

    • teacakes says:

      Hear, hear! I can’t believe that anyone could look at her response after Manchester and STILL think the doughnut licking issue was a bigger deal to the point where only this, now, “redeems” her. She showed incredible courage and grace last year, I’m not a fan of her music but I do think that she’s a good person.

  12. Biting Panda says:

    She has worked to completely change my opinion about her.

    My daughter used to watch the shows where she would speak in that god-awful baby voice and it used to drive me insane. Then there was the donut thing….

    But her response the Manchester bombing and her deftness with handling misogyny and sexism is worthy of giving her another chance. She can shut down bs with the best of them.

  13. farah says:

    I’m sad that she felt she had to support Mac instead of focusing on her own trauma.

  14. kate says:

    I’m amazed by her toughtful response and the fast the other guy apologized. That is very rare on the Internet.

  15. Lisa Giametti says:

    I was once in a situation where I was the evil witch who left her precious man, “forcing him” to go wild, do drugs, drink , and get pulled over by the police for driving erratically. His enabling family, and his enabling friends, blamed me for leaving him, saying it was my departure that sent him into a tailspin. The enablers and excuse makers failed to acknowledge that my departure was due to having been beaten, threatened, and screamed at for trying to get their precious son/friend to get help for his escalating substance abuse and anger issues. I stayed longer than I should have, and that is on me, but once I did decide to leave and let him navigate life himself, I was gone. No second chances, no contact. Obviously (sarcasm) everything is my fault. Grande is 100% correct. We are not supposed to be mothers, therapists or fixers to adult men. I was not risking my life further to fix someone who was horribly damaged and broken. I am not Annie Sullivan. I am no miracle worker.

    • rahrahroey says:

      I’m sorry you went through that. Your story reminds me of what happened with my sister and her ex husband. His whole family blamed her for HIS actions that started before she even left. Nobody on his side believed he was a POS until he ended up assaulting the teenage daughter of his live in gf and being accused of rape in a separate situation. My sister won full custody of my nephew (thank goodness.) Now her ex is slowly trying to get his life together after being in and out of jail and destroying many lives. But it took YEARS! I am so happy you got out, you are a strong person and this type of situation happens FAR too often.

      • Lisa Giametti says:

        I am sorry your sister went through that, and the poor teenage daughter of his girlfriend. Horrible!

        Thank you for your kind words. I wasn’t always strong. Strength came from fear and not wanting my parents to bury their daughter.

    • Anne says:

      I’m sorry you had to go through something like this, and I’m very glad that your strength and convictions guided you out of the toxic relationship. Although his family and friends blamed you for his mess, I think that your leaving him has the potential to be more beneficial to his (hopefully eventual) sobriety than the blind enabling and victim blaming his family and friends are doing.

      I also don’t think you should blame yourself for staying longer than you think you should have. It’s easy to let things get out of control when they steadily increase bit by bit, and the fact that you did your best to help him even in the face of verbal and physical violence speaks volumes about your own caring nature. Trying to help another person should never be considered a failing. I’m just glad that you did recognize the situation for what it was and did what was necessary to take care of yourself. I admire your strength.

      • Lisa Giametti says:

        Thank you.

        The reality is, however, I did stay too long and put myself at great risk. I did know better but thought, as many women do and hope, that I could help him, change him and save him. For years, I, in turn, blamed him for things that were wrong in my life and what I lost during our relationship. I realized I was to blame for things wrong in my life, not him. The blame game can be a vicious cycle, that thankfully, I have now broken. We are all responsible for our choices. Once you accept that, life gets better and so do the choices. 😊

  16. Alisha says:

    Perhaps I am just a cynic but did anyone else read that apology as “I am sorry YOU were offended” and “it’s not that deep”? Or it may be that I am just cranky today.

    • pru says:

      No. I agree with you & don’t t think it was a great apology. The “it’s not as deep as your implying” comment comes across as sexist BS to me. We all get what he was saying.

  17. Anastasia says:

    It was a good apology, except for that “I’m sorry you feel…” part.

    Good on Ariana for what she said! Amen! And preach!!!

  18. Audrey says:

    I agree with her. But we also then need to be careful when we say things like the Kardashians ruin men…I see that a lot in these comments and I always thought, no. They have bad taste in men, and stay with men longer than they should, but they are not responsible for their men’s behavior.

  19. BooRadley says:

    I didn’t really know or care about Ariana Grande before Manchester, but since then everything I have learned of her, or everything I have that she has said has been wise beyond her years. She is much more than that stupid ponytail, colour me impressed.

  20. hogtowngooner says:

    Good for her with that perfect response. Men are responsible for their own behaviour, but somehow the narrative always gets twisted into being blamed on a woman.

  21. Grant says:

    Snaps for Ariana Grande. I am consistently so impressed by how articulately she shuts down sexism and misogyny. She is always lending her time and her beautiful voice to great causes–the Women’s March, the March for our Lives, etc. Not to mention, she handled everything post-Manchester with compassion, grace, and poise that people twice her age probably couldn’t muster after such an incomprehensible tragedy.

  22. No Doubtful says:

    I don’t think these two are finished yet as they’ve known each other for years. If he straightens up again I bet she will take him back. I’m glad she called him out publicly though. I hope he gets the help he needs.

  23. serena says:

    Honestly, Ariana is really growing on me. I used to think she was just a brat (talented neverthless) but now, I really like how she’s conducting herself.