Pete Davidson posted two disturbing messages to Instagram earlier today and then he deleted his account entirely. The last one, which appeared to be a suicide note, was posted at about 1:15 pm EST on Saturday. A little bit before 2:00 pm, his page on Instagram was gone. Before that, Nicki Minaj had responded with a bunch of hearts and Pete’s friend Travis Mills responded “DM” and that’s it. Many, many people were telling Travis to get to Pete immediately and check on him. There were also some horrible comments on that post (what is wrong with people?) but the majority were supportive.
This is Pete’s last post before he deleted his Instagram.
#PeteDavidson instagrammed this two minutes ago is he OK? pic.twitter.com/rrba5MazCQ
— celebitchy (@celebitchy) December 15, 2018
Prior to that, Pete expressed support for Kanye. Apparently, Ariana Grande made a joke Friday on Twitter about men fighting. She wrote, in part “Guys, I know there are grown men arguing online rn but Miley and I dropping our beautiful, new songs tonight.” Kanye responded to her this morning and she apologized. You can read the full context on E! Online and also on Page Six. Kanye said, in part, “People will no longer take mental health for a joke” and “All of this foolishness weighed on my mental health.” Ariana responded “it was a joke which i understand now was probably insensitive. i apologize if i was in any way triggering and hope u feel well today.”
In another tweet she posted “last thing. stop weaponizing mental health. everyone.” (Around 2:30 pm that tweet was deleted.) Then Pete Instagrammed this (below) and followed up with the Instagram above saying he doesn’t want to be on this earth anymore and doesn’t know how much longer he can last, which has so many people genuinely worried about him. (In the post below he meant to write that Kanye was supporting mental health, not that he was against it, he just phrased that part wrong.)
I was so concerned about Pete but apparently he’s ok and has a lot of people around him, thank goodness. Jon Cryer wrote that Pete was at SNL. Another friend of his, Machine Gun Kelly, wrote that he was flying to see him, and Ariana Grande also offered support.
These are the two things Ariana tweeted and deleted about a half hour afterwards:
Update: Pete appeared briefly on SNL last night, introducing Miley Cyrus and Mark Ronson. The NYPD confirmed that they made a wellness check on him, but did not say where or when it happened.
Here are the tweets from Jon Cryer and Machine Gun Kelly.
Am hearing Pete Davidson is at SNL and accounted for.
We are thinking of you, Pete.
You are loved.
(And just a heads up, when you finally turn on your cell, it’s gonna go apeshit for a little while) https://t.co/erUaTcPSdw
— Jon Cryer (@MrJonCryer) December 15, 2018
im in the plane now on the way to see Pete. gonna make sure he’s good, i promise. can’t have my boy in the darkness like that.
— colson (@machinegunkelly) December 15, 2018
So many people are offering support and love.
Pete Davidson … hang in there. There is a lot of help out here. Surrender to some love some where around you … today! Right now! And then … let in the help that will become available. I’m praying for you Pete. I’ve been there. It gets better.
— Jada Pinkett Smith (@jadapsmith) December 15, 2018
I’m sending love and light to Pete Davidson, whom I’ve never met, and letting him know that whatever he’s going through is temporary. #DepressionLies
— John Ross Bowie (@JohnRossBowie) December 15, 2018
The only thing sadder than his note are actual humans telling him to kill himself.
My gosh people. We’re better than this. Wishing you health and a long life, Pete Davidson. ❤️ https://t.co/vFIyjunMJv
— Bryan Behar (@bryanbehar) December 15, 2018
This is all sooo so messy. Kanye also said in his tweets that he was off his medication and was unable to create art while medicated which is such a dangerous message.
I think Ari’s part in this has been blown out of proportion, she made a stupid little joke (because Kanye WAS arguing with folks on Twitter) and then it looks like Ye & Pete framed it as though she’s some anti-mental health bully?
I don’t know man…shaking my head and wishing everyone the best.
This. But since we live in a patriarchal society, people are automatically going to blame things on and demonize Ariana.
So messy. I was really worried for Pete when I saw this in my news feed, but never thought to blame Ariana. I like Pete, so help me, but it’s way better that she saved both of them from an ugly divorce. I hope he gets the help he needs. Life still holds so much for him.
May get flamed for this but I’ve had men threaten suicide as a manipulative tactic after a break up…and this is a passive aggressive shade of Pete doing it to Ariana. Pete definitely has a mental problem but to me it is unhealthy in the fact he tends follow Ariana on social media and makes these types of posts. He may not mean it and has no idea he is doing it….but it a form of manipulation when someone threatens suicide after you have broken up with them.
@Isabelle And she immediately came running to his place of work. I hope he’s not just manipulating her, but I agree his comment before could lead one to see it that way.
I’m still not entirely sure how anything she said was offensive or making fun of Kanye’s mental health. I’ve battled depression and anxiety, so I get the need to be delicate about those issues. But I really feel like Kanye just made something out of nothing and Pete piled on because he’s still got resentment towards Ariana.
@Isabelle yes it is a common tactic that education is provided on to women getting away from abusive relationships, so while I’m so glad he’s okay idk – thus no flames from me. This is a complex situation and many people thought her joke was about the best r&b singer thing going on too, not Kanye and Drake. Jenifer Lewis has a great message about sticking with her meds, in her book Mother of Black Hollywood and interviews, and how chaotic life was prior to that. I do think Ariana handled it graciously and she’s suffered a lot of trauma in a very giving and courageous fashion – she’s also still very young. Best to all.
I’m a bit shocked with how everyone is treating this as Pete being manipulative. As Pete discussed this before, he had borderline personality disorder and suicidal threats are a classic symptom of this. I know because I was diagnosed as well, and during my dark times, I would threaten suicide and people would call me manipulative, even tho it is very much real to me and I was in this state of distress (when a BPD person is in an extreme of distress or crisis, often it feels like suicide is the only thing that will stop it). It’s also strange because that state of crisis can decimate in a couple of hours too. Sadly t seems we as a society have still a long way to go to destigmatize mental health disorders and especially the difficult and complex ones such as BPD. I hope Pete finds his therapy and coping mechanism, as it is a disorder than can be managed if you are given the right tools. Sadly a break up (especially if you are the one broken up with ) can trigger a crisis symptoms for months.
I agree. I feel sorry for Pete, but Grande did nothing wrong.
…You “threatened” suicide? Even the language reads as manipulative: Threatened who? Yourself? Or everyone around you?
100% with you Isabelle!
Firstly my heart goes out to him because I do believe he is suffering.
Moving along, I too felt he was manipulating her/his fans. As someone said above said, this is a very common move for someone not over a break and doesn’t know what to do to get that person back. NO need to post this to social media. Why not delete you account and text/call a love one or two? This girl just lost an ex that she was with for two years. Of course twitter/insta gangster were going to come for Grandes’ head! NO BUENO!
I’m in agreement with the weaponization comment and all that responded to it.
Yes, it happens.
Imo if someone keeps broadcasting a suicidal tendency on open social media. Addressing all… it feels like manipulation. To make others care. And if they were serious they do not want to be stopped.. not everyone, just imo and by enormous majority of reported.
I have no doubt he is suffering. That his feelings are dark and painful. But are these true goodbyes or pleas? Are these end game statements or ways to lash out from numbness, confusion and sadness?
And I believe Arianna was not making a joke for self promotion or to diminish Pete’s threats. More a way to deal in her own way. And maybe snap him out of it.
@amandhu- never ‘everyone around me’. More like whoever was causing me pain and was about to cause me more pain (when I was in that ‘state of mind’). When you are in crisis mode, you don’t really see logic and you don’t see your gestures as ‘manipulAtive’, all you know is you want the pain to ‘stop’.
However, I had a boyfriend who committed suicide at some point and after that I ‘never’ discussed suicide or attempted suicide again (even if I idealized it at some point), and after much treatment, I don’t even experience these feelings anymore as I am better able to ‘cope’ with it. It’s really important to understand complexity of mental health disorders l.
Pete was so passive aggressive and manipulative with his death threat. And he’s receiving so much positive attention for it. This is how shit escalates with reinforcement.
It goes – get yourself into trouble, threaten suicide, get all the attention, get your girl to run to you and apologize for everything she did or didn’t do that you don’t like, get all the love, all is forgiven. Rinse & repeat.
I hate how true this is. The trouble is, people who do this, while they are being manipulative, can be very genuine in their threats. So it is an emergency that demands attention and care no matter what.
Classic borderline behaviour unfortunately
I have a family member that does this. AG wasn’t even referring to mental health, Kanye was rambling about Drake not apologizing to him. My family member struggles with depression and anxiety and won’t stay on his meds or with therapy consistently. He keeps losing jobs because of it. When things don’t go his way or he receives the slightest criticism he will weaponize this in order to make you feel bad. It’s very manipulative and we have a hard time maintaining a relationship because of it.
Very true! I had an ex that threatened suicide and actually made an attempt when I broke up with him, then tried to blame it on me as if I was the source of his mental health issues, which I wasn’t (his excessive drinking vad something to do with it though). All of it to manipulate me to stay with him out of guilt. Luckily my dad intervened and got me out if it. I have some sympathy for Pete not feeling great but he can’t blame is ex for this, especially if he has bpd :/ Ariana is well rid of him honestly
Pete has been very open about his Borderline Personality diagnosis- a frequent response to severe childhood trauma. Abandonments are particularly devastating for people who struggle with this disorder, because they essentially lose parts of their psychological selves. Suicdal gestures and attempts – whatever their cause – have to be taken seriously. Part of the ongoing tx is helping them to understand how these mental health crises provoke that which they desperately try to avoid – abandonment. I fear that many don’t understand the complexities of this diagnosis. I treat it day in and day out.
Ariana got dragged online for Mac Miller’s death, which was SO sad. Can you imagine what people would say to her if Pete actually harmed himself? People are disgusting.
Kanye denied for years his mental condition until people started calling him out on his crap, now he uses his diagnosis as a shield. Being sick is no reason to be a jerk with a God complex. If he really was concerned about his mental health, he would look for help, even alternative medicine, meditation, homeopathy, whatever else if he feels sick on regular medicine. He chooses to be untreated and ignorant, while on a position of influence that could harm others.
I don’t know who John Ross Bowie is but he is so right. Depression lies.
PD is a fragile guy, who’s been through a hell of a life, and who wears his emotions quite openly. He’s one I always worry about, and pray that he makes it, and does not succumb to the falsely comforting arms of depression and suicidal ideation. It always seems like it’s the better option in the moment, but it’s never better for those you’d be taking with you. Suicide is nothing for you, it defines those you love. Stay strong Pete and everyone.
John Ross Bowie is an actor who plays the dad on Speechless.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
1-800-273-8255
Sadly this isn’t enough. I had a very bad year and tried calling the lifeline twice, and was put on hold for 30+ minutes each time. Some people can’t wait that long for help. We need to do more because this is an epidemic!
I’m glad Pete is ok and has people looking out for him.
It was extremely manipulative of Kanye, ‘Free Speech Warrior’ to frame Ariana’s tweets as an attack on mental illness when mental illness was not even mentioned in her comment. But I’m sure it will work on people because people are always salivating for a chance to make someone the villainess.
Light criticism of a specific thing a mentally ill person chose to do /= shitting on people for having bipolar.
Agree. Kayne was way out of line, as usual.
Completely agree. He was arguing with Drake, and while he may have mentioned his mental health as a reason he was going after Drake (I didn’t read all of his tweets), Ariana AND Miley’s tweets had nothing to do with that. Kanye was ranting about work and stealing the news, and she jokingly called him out. Then HE uses his mental health to shame her. She did nothing wrong. Kanye needs to stop weaponizing his own mental health – that sounds horrible but I believe he can both be very ill and not in a stable place mentally, and also use that for his own purposes. I’m very glad Pete is ok and receiving support. I’m sorry he saw all of this as an attack on mental health when his is so fragile at the moment, and I hope this support helps him.
Pete,
If you’re reading this, you have an amazing life ahead of you. Your young life has had a lot of pain, but it really does get better.
I hope Pete is getting the help and support he needs – not only from professionals but also from friends and family. As for Ariana…I get it was a joke and after apologizing she should have just stayed quiet. To post a follow up about weaponizing mental health and then deleting it was tacky and cowardly. If you truly feel that way leave it up. For all to see.
He needs serious help and maybe a break ftom the spotlight to heal.
It wasn’t tacky. She probably figured that people would misinterpret that statement as an attack on Pete for his mental illness when it wasn’t.
It was tacky. Especially if she felt the need to apologize. Why follow up the apology with a passive aggressive tweet and theb delete it? Better yet – why apologize at all of that’s what she truly felt Kanye was doing?? It was at the very least tacky and at most disingenuous. Either stand behind how you really feel or simply be quiet
Mental health commentary completely aside, her initial tweet could only read as promotional for her single with Miley, and that’s tacky.
It was totally tacky and manipulative. It was a cowardly way to secure herself from the backlash in case anything happens with Pete. And the fact that she totally dragged him on twitter-and finished those posts with “Thank you, next”-annoucing her new song-and then deleted all of that; that, we don’t mention, although I think it totally helped in riling her fans against Davidson and although I think it was total commercializing of their relationship and break-up.
OTOH,
I can’t believe everyone is saying how manipulative Pete is, although you really can’t choose when you feel like giving up is the best solution. You just feel it. You can’t rationalize or think about the circumstances or public opinion. You’re just in this void of desperation and leaving life seems like the only way out.
Her diss was directed at Kanye, and no, I don’t think it’s tacky or manipulative of her to try to protect herself from being blamed for Pete’s struggles when misogynists already blamed her for another ex’s overdose. She has also come to Pete’s defense multiple times against people who were attacking him online.
The whole situation escalated to a level it shouldn’t have all because Kanye West decided to pretend that any criticism of his behavior (no matter how light or how valid) is making fun of his mental illness and ‘triggering’ him.
@geekychick She posted the comment BEFORE Pete inserted himself. It was purely about Kanye. If Pete hadn’t been checking up on her socials he wouldn’t have gotten all worked up maybe? 🤷🏽♀️
But Kanye did weaponize mental health against her. She lightly referred to his beef with Drake, without even mentioning his name, and he was like, “but my mental illness” when she herself has spoken about her PTSD and anxiety. And she posted the weaponization remark prior to Pete getting involved. I don’t think she needed to apologize, period.
I was thinking she was talking about Kanye weaponizing mental health. Which he did and does.
I’m bipolar and you can choose to be healthy or as healthy as you can be, or you can lean into your illness. Kanye leans in
And unfortunately it is true that medication squashes creativity. It flattens your affect, which is the point of balancing your mood.
But it keeps you from the flashes of brilliance and the creative drive.
There are some mood stablizers that aren’t so bad, and you can take things to Lift your mood
I live on caffeine and take Excedrin for headaches, and it takes me up enough I can create. So I’m in a hypomanic state a lot, but keep myself from mania.
So it can be done but you have to really work with your shrink on a good medication cocktail.
Exactly. Kanye and Pete reacted the same way.
He has Borderline Personality Disorder. They are known to say they will commit suicide to gain positive attention. While no one should be saying they want him to kill himself, I don’t think rewarding him is healthy for him either.
That is a symptom of BPD. It is very difficult for loved ones and not a healthy way of managing relationship troubles but it’s part of the mental illness and not a defect of character. They simply don’t have the same tools to cope with emotional distress. If we burn our hand, we ice it to ease the pain. People with BPD want to ease any emotional pain, as we all do, the difference is that going for a walk or relaxing with some tea is not enough to deescalate their heightened emotions. BPD also has a high suicide rate. I feel that says a lot about the pain these individuals are in and that shouldn’t get lost in the chaos they can bring to people in their lives.
I don’t rely see anyone rewarding Pete. I see concern and words of encouragement. It lifts my spirits just a tiny bit that people on social media are showing kindness. It seems to be a rarity and he really did seek to get raked over the coals during their relationship and post breakup. There is always room for more empathy in our lives.
Thanks for explaining bpd symptoms here and coping here bc these comments are so disgusting. Actually, most people or men don’t threaten suicide when they have bpd unless they’re serious. I get people want to support Ariana but this is gross behavior. He wasn’t threatening suicide for her benefit.
And Ariana’s comment to Kanye was meant to be funny and dismissive. She admitted that – he didn’t like the joke. His prerogative. But the truth is she jumped into a conversation that wasn’t about her so she opened herself up for Kanye drama and you have no idea how mental breakdown effects other people. The biggest thing that became clear is both Ariana and Pete were too immature to be in a relationship and both need some self reflection.
25-year-old Ariana is not responsible for 41-year-old Kanye’s behavior. He’s the one who decided to make his issues with Drake public on social media for attention. It’s unrealistic to expect nobody to comment about or even lightly joke about it. Drake didn’t decide to have a tantrum about Ariana’s harmless joke/promotion of her and Miley’s music. Kanye is also the one who decided to pretend that Ariana’s comment was an attack on mental illness in order to shield himself from all criticism.
Not all of Kanye’s choices are symptoms of his mental illness that he just can’t help, or the fault of women in his life. Some of it is just about his ego and his immaturity. Not every celebrity with mental illness behaves the way he does.
Intervening to save his life is not positive attention. Having to cope with a desperation, public suicide note will not warrant positive attention. For g’d’s sake, look at the lac of empathy online elsewhere and here.
You are incorrect. Ppl with BPD dont say they are going to kill themselves for attention. They become highly suicidal very easily if triggered by an event. So many ppl on here are misinformed.
Imagine having something like a breakup or negative job performance happen and your mind immediately goes to kill yourself. Die. End it. You dont deserve to exist. You’re a pos. Things will never change. Everyone hates you….
Imagine that. Imagine trying to fight those very real, very scary and very intense thoughts that can come suddenly. I can only speak for myself but the thing is I knew those thoughts were a symptom of of bpd. But even knowing it isnt enough because in the moment they feel so real. When you are in crisis like that it’s a mental battle of epic proportions trying to keep sane and not act on those thoughts. I have quiet BPD so I acted in more than out. No one really knew when I was in crisis except for my mom. My only real outward symptom was increased agitation. No one knew but honestly no one really cared to ask either. On the inside I felt so broken, fragile, scared, worn down, traumatized and just hopeless but on the outside everything was fine. Went to work. It’s a trippy experience, almost like dissociation. Going through the motions socially. Smiling, chatting, being friendly while all the while on the inside everything hurts, there is no safe place to rest your thoughts. It’s a trippy experience.
There are so many layers to this issue here and too many cooks in the kitchen (PD, KW, AG to some extent and all the celebrities who tweeted about it) but the biggest thing PD can do for himself is step away. He cant help his BPD diagnosis and the way his brain instinctively reacts but he can help his environment and exposure to triggering situations. Get off social media, take a break from work and recalibrate man.
Thank you for this. I wish his friends would contact him directly instead of going the social media route. I also hope you’re doing well.
Kacy, does it look like he’s being “rewarded”, first of all.
He’s seeking help. In his way. We all seek help in our own ways.
THIS is a classic bpd symptom and I would know. It’s neither false or manipulative; it is the way a bpd expresses their pain sometimes.
With all due respect, where are the rewards here? That his friends reached out? That a person needed to express their feelings in THEIR way rather than suffering alone and saying nothing?
Bravo.
What I CAN see, however, is a young man who has some pretty awesome friends.
May, during times of incredible strife, we ALL be “rewarded” this way.
Mental health sufferers shouldn’t be looked at as rewarded when they seek help/express themselves.
It should be a given.
Unfortunately, it’s not. Too many people don’t believe how “real” it is.
Btw, do we “reward” those unable to use their legs with a wheelchair?
Think before speak.
He needs to keep that account deleted and keep seeing his doctors. He has a good job and friends, there’s no need for this mess.
Kanye West calls his unmedicated BPD (I think it’s BPD, sorry if I’m wrong) his superpower, sort of promotes not taking your medication an supports a monster who’s trying to make it harder for people struggling with their MH to get the medical support they need. He’s not Kid Cudi who’s actively trying to reduce the stigmata surrounding depression in his community.
I’m honestly open to criticism but how exactly is Kanye helpful with what he’s doing? Is it the fact that he’s _sort of_ acknowledged it or am I genuinely missing something?
Stigma.
Lol
You’re right, sorry, stupid mistake. I’m not a native speaker.
Innocent mistake and hey when you google it, it comes up as the plural noun for stigma, so joke’s on me anyways lol
Kanye does nothing to help. If he is sincerely bipolar (and I not saying he’s not, but just because he disputes his own diagnosis), he actively promotes harmful tropes about it. He claims his illness makes him creative and a better artist, that he has to go off his meds to make great art, etc. That is dangerous. You can be creative while in treatment, you can make art while getting treated. Kanye uses his diagnosis as an excuse to treat people poorly, and he’s surrounded by that enabling family. Kanye is a crappy person – not because of his mental illness, but despite it.
Everyone who has a loved one with BPD is all too familiar with this cycle. It’s hard to watch.
That said, Kanye is a douchebag and that is his personality, not his illness.
Pretty standard for Borderline personality disorder. The more he gets attention for this, the worse for his mental health. I hope he and Kanye both continue treatment eg DBT, and I’m glad Ariana got away from marrying Pete. have a family member with BPD and it’s a life sentence.
I feel ya – I have 2 and I’ve had to essentially cut ties with both. It’s a very sad illness both for the person afflicted and for everyone around them.
@Canadian and @Tootsie45 this is a weird place to ask for advice but, I have married into a family with at least 2 BPD members. This is my husband’s family so obviously they had a lot of trauma within the family, mainly when he was a child. I have been in and out of therapy to try and figure out how to be healthy around his family. I have yet to find any good resources for understanding what other people have done in similar situations (having a family member with BPD). Like, strategies, frames of mind etc. Any suggestions? I am in the midst of another family member flare-up right now, and I got sucked into this one as I was not on guard and I am having nightmares, almost ptsd because of it. Not getting support from hubby like I need 🙁 TIA and sorry for the tangent…
Amazon has some good books on the topic. You can also check your library to see what they have.
@heylee
My advice is to have a ‘come to Jesus’ discussion with your husband. The problem really is there. He should be supporting and shielding you from his family. You two are a team. Once you solve that problem, I think it will be easier to figure out the rest together.
Ariana needs to disengage. For both her and Pete. Running to him when he acts out only teaches him that this is the kind of behavior that gets her to respond to him. For both his well-being and her own, she needs to walk away from him. Her presence does nothing to help. I don’t say this in a mean way or critical way – it’s genuinely the best thing she can do for him.
People with BPD often engage in behavior for attention. Now, we have no idea if Pete was/was not serious about this. But it’s not for us to decide. The NYPD did a welfare check. If Pete is sincerely struggling, his friends and celebrities are not what he needs. He needs professional help. Those close to him should encourage him to get it.
And don’t get me started on Kanye. Kanye does so much damage to the cause of mental health. Kanye promotes dangerous tropes about mental illness (that it makes you some kind creative genius, that you can’t take your meds and make good art, etc.). Kanye is not a bad person because of his mental illness. He’s a bad person despite it.
Ariana Grande stans are the worst stans. There are like a thousand posts saying some version of “If Pete DID kill himself, imagine how hard that would be on Ariiiiiii!!!!! (a million sad face emojis)”
Because they see everything through the lens of how it affects her.
Considering how she got bullied and blamed for Mac Miller’s overdose and part of Pete’s depression, I understand her fans worrying about her mental well-being if Pete did harm himself. It’s not like they wouldn’t care about him.
My heart goes out to him. I can’t imagine much pain he must be in. And I wish he knew there was hope.
Also, borderline doesn’t have to be a lifelong diagnosis. I was diagnosed with it long ago and met every criteria for it. It made sense to me as someone who had attachment trauma early on and never felt good enough but wanted to badly for someone to just f***ing care. With a LOT of compassion from my therapist and my support system, I was able to put my behaviors and disordered thinking styles and coping skills in context to my negative life experiences with people. Only when I stopped thinking about how manipulative, unstable, volatile, and awful I was for having this diagnosis was I able to heal. I could go on and on about how the manipulative behaviors are so much more than that – it isn’t because I wanted attention. It was because I wanted to be loved and supported and all the other ways I’d ever tried to get that need filled failed. Throughout all my suicide attempts or talking about it with someone, I never thought “Oh, I am just going to threaten this so my bf/mom/friend/etc will pay attention to me.” I was in incredible emotional pain and couldn’t cope with the circumstances of my life in a more appropriate and less harmful way. It hurts my heart to hear or read further vilification of people who already feel unlovable, unworthy of love and support.
Luckily, I turned it around. I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria. I have been married for 9 years, and my husband scoffs when people looks at him incredulously for having a relationship with a ‘borderline.’ I am a mental health counselor now. There is hope for anyone with BPD (or any other mental illness, for that matter). That hope and compassion will help heal.
And to all of you who have been harmed my mental illness, my heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is. I know how much it hurts. But please, please, don’t lose sight of the humanity of people with this diagnosis and paint anyone with BPD as some awful human being.
And I am in no way condoning some of the unhealthy and harmful behaviors anyone with mental health challenges perform. Of course, we need to have boundaries to keep ourselves safe. But let’s not let that hurt turn us to stone.
That was very informative, thank you for sharing your experience. We should all try to be more compassionate people. I hope Pete can find his way to healing as you have.
Awesome post, Shanydanza. Thank you for sharing. Very informative. And so glad you’ve found peace, a happy marriage and a great career.
Thank you for sharing from inside your own experience, and for educating as a MH professional. This was singularly helpful.
Shanydanza,
Thank you for such an insightful, sensitive and informative post. I’m bipolar as well as having a serious eating disorder for over 15 years and many times in which I experienced intense suicidal ideation. My mom also has BPD so my heart goes out to you as I have seen over the years that ultimately she is in an extreme about of pain because her fear of abandonment feels so real and catastrophic. It is true that some of the symptoms of her illness can make her relationships challenging for the other party and it hurts me deeply that BPD is thrown around so liberally in our society as a character fault rather than a serious illness.
I think it may be a bit premature rush to judgment that his post was purely a manipulative tactic to get Ariana’s attention. Pete openly posted about the vile and dangerous comments he was receiving on social media. It doesn’t seem a stress that these comments in combined with the breakup has been a significant stressor for him. To brush it off as a ploy to get Ariana’s attention can be very damaging in itself- whether Peter is/was suicidal or this was a cry for help, both should be taken seriously and handled with compassion. A cry for help is that – a cry for help- when someone is close to or has reached a crisis point.
I don’t know if connecting with Ariana in his state would be the best source of support because the wounds may still be very fresh, but good for her for taking this seriously. I respect her for the actions she took for his safety.
I agree, his pain is palpable. I wish everyone could read your post Shandy. We need more compassion in this world. It’s such a misunderstood illness and one that, in my experience, very few people care to learn about. It’s so unfortunate and has done such a disservice to BPD awareness that for many people “bunny boiler” is synonymous with BPD. Your husband is pretty lucky himself to have found an intelligent, empathetic and strong women 🙂 I’m trying to get to a place where I won’t let all the males I’ve dated who run when I disclose I’m bipolar make me feel that I am not a person outside of my illnesses. Your post give lots of hope 🙂
You are 100% right that BPD can be manged. It was not very well understood or researched for a very long time and the standard treatments weren’t very effective. Now we know DBT is the gold standard. Meds have some effect but its usually to treat the secondary issues and not the disorder itself i.e. depression and anxiety.
Ppl with BPD are not monsters who sit in the corner thinking of ways to hurt and manipulate others. We are in intense emotional pain.
Thank you for this comment, it is so enlightening. I had a dear friend with BPD who spoke about self-harm frequently and publicly. In some ways it was certainly “attention seeking” and manipulative but that didn’t make it any less sincere. Unfortunately she was successful in taking her own life at the age of 24 in a manner that made it very clear she hadn’t been “crying wolf” and wasn’t expecting anyone to come running to save her. I think our society has difficulty with shades of gray, which makes our interactions with mental health so challenging. We’ve decided “attention seeking” is always a negative thing, especially as it’s now related to celebrities like Kim K, when it truly can be the best attempt at a coping skill some people can manage. I’m glad you are doing so well and thank you for working to help others!
@Shan…beautifully put.
Xo
Youre amazing, Shany!
I’m tired of Kanye acting like a complete ass all time time and getting a free pass because mental illness. And I think that’s what Ariana meant about weaponizing mental health.
Take the mental issues away and he’s still an egotistical asshole. There’s no medication for that.
That’s why it’s called mental illness—this isn’t a rational response to his situation. Telling someone to “just get over it” or “just stay off social media” doesn’t work because they don’t have the brain chemistry to make rational choices.
So now AG can’t tweet anything or like any Instagram messages without some jerk accusing her of being mean to her suicidal ex? A guy who had zero problem using her fame to get on every single public forum that would book him to talk about her in the most crude and misogynistic way possible? Is being a creep about jerking off to your fiancé live on radio a classic symptom of BPD? I’m sorry but my ex did this shit to me all the time. When I stopped responding to his threats of suicide he told everyone I was heartless and didn’t care if he died. Until they get professional help, you can’t help them and Your compassion gets taken advantage of. I feel bad he and Kanye suffer from mental illness but that doesn’t mean their behavior is not manipulative, wrong and exempt from judgement.
Yup it’s called playing the victim.
Thank you. I’m glad this isn’t going unremarked-on for what it is.
Multiple things can be true at once.
1) Pete can be mentally ill and social media excaberates his issues. That is a sad thing, and he deserves sympathy.
2). Stan culture, especially on social media, can be horrific.
3) Pete can be manipulative. Kanye and Ariana had already squashed their argument when Pete interjected himself. The ‘I told you so’ is also a big red flag. The media is blaming it on Ariana already and/or Stan culture, and their is a deserved outpuring of public sympathy, and few are pointing out he got in his ex’s biz after she resolved an issue with Kanye to imply she was insensitive about mental help.
4) Ariana is not at fault for what some crazy people do online. Her comments about Pete were relatively mild and only came after he first mentioned her, and she said nothing bad in Thank U, Next. That said, she still isn’t handling this well. She should’ve shut off all contact and never engaged with him after the breakup.
YES! Pete having a mental health diagnosis in no way excuses his bad choices or manipulative behavior. This isn’t like schizophrenia where things are beyond his control. He chooses every move he makes. Yes his past may be the reason for it. But lots of people experience trauma and don’t become manipulative jerks. If Ariana is guilty of anything, it’s being drawn to damaged men. She needs to REALLY evaluate what causes her to be drawn to men with dangerous levels of addiction, etc.
“This isn’t like schizophrenia where things are beyond his control. He chooses every move he makes. ”
Oh my god. This is so ridiculous. You’re completely failing to grasp how mental illness works – and I’m actually horrified that you think the things you’re saying are justified.
True 🙌🏽
This is getting ridiculous. Everyone needs to put their phones down and deal with their personal shit in PRIVATE.
I totally agree. This is so out of control.
Thank You!! It is a personal choice to air your business on social media; a platform that barely existed 15 years ago. But from where I’m standing the reason some people can’t stop putting their business on social media is because they don’t have any real friends-just superficial social media connections.
I never got on board the Ariana is the greatest train that’s been going on lately but damn are people being unfair to her. First of all she never made a joke about mental illness, it was just a clever little quip about what was trending with the Kanye stuff. Second she is right about people weaponizing mental illness see Kanye AND Pete. Pete literally said “I told you so” in his post. Kanye has been attacking people left and right and as soon as they respond he brings up his mental health. Very manipulative. But as we all know society hates women and “just blame the girl” is what we do. SMH
I mean, uffff…I remember when I was 20-something with mental health problem. I remember break-ups at this age.
I just think, from the song and onwards, Ariana Grande should hold off on commenting anything about Pete. He has a mental health problem, you’re not a part of his life anymore. That was your decision (which is completely legitimate), don’t get me wrong.
But then, stay out. Don’t try to butt in every time. This guy has friends and famiy who have known him his whole life, I kinda don’t think Ariana Grande’s very public message is really the crucial thing that will help. He has people who love him, want to help him and with whom he hasn’t been in a toxic realtionship judged and analyzed in public every day-maybe, just maybe, leave it to them?
It just seems as a ploy for getting public sympathy in all of this.
I mean, I know more about her bfs and love drama than her work.
I hope Pete finds health and happiness.
She probably feels everyone is going to call her cold and horrible if she doesn’t rush to him publicly as soon as he says he feels sad.
Ariana covering the tattoo in honour of Pete’s father with a dog name is cold and horrible, but it’s not her who should try to help him; I agree that she should stay out of this mess.
When they broke up, and before Thank You, Next… Ariana didn’t have a problem wkdh her fans harrassing Pete. He never once trashed Ariana.
He opens his IG back for a film and his comments are filled with the same vileness here blaming him and asking him to kill himself. Yesterday – Ariana didn’t shame mental illness but she certainly put her foot in Kanye and Drakes business and Kanye was clear he’s going thru problems, and the whole snapback exchange was reported everywhere. And flooding Pete’s comments constantly so you can’t be surprised when he supports Kanye or Cudi. Ariana fans have flooded his tl since he opened his account, this has nothing to do with his manipulation which id offer, since he’s not used her name once, he didn’t manipulate her at all. Her song on the other hand, does use him as someone that it’s ok to attack. You can’t play with peoples lives and expect to have no consequences. Also, staying silent when you allow your fanbase to attack your ex, then only speak up when he’s considering suicide is also not cool. They both need to back off, do some self care away from social media.
Her song doesn’t mention in him in a negative way…she says she’s so grateful for him?
I’m giving her some leeway on her fanbase because it’s really hard to understand the how HUGELY popular she is online (isnt she the most followed person on insta?) – there’s no way she can wrangle that many people. She asked people to stop, timing aside, what else can she do?
She actually called out her fan for attacking Pete when they were together. The only time she didn’t was when Pete made a joke about the bombing in Manchester were people died.
She posted something a week or two ago on Instagram begging them to stop. She has like 200 million followers across different accounts, what exactly do you want from her? Other than her complete and total ruin, that is.
I think Ariana needs to take a step back and assess the relationships she gets into. Her picker is off and it creates a lot of drama. Mac was an addict and Pete has his own issues. She needs to figure out how to find healthy, stable people to be in a relationship with.
What a mess… Kim, stop enabling Kanye and get help for your husband. Look at how powerful his stupid rants are and how they can quickly spiral and effect others. Kanye caused a sh!t storm and then plays the victim. I hate that guy. I’m glad Pete is okay, but he needs to get off of social media OR at the very least turn off the comments since they trigger him.
Both Pete and Ariana need to hop off social media and focus on their respective mental health. His BPD and whatever compels her to pick fixer-uppers.
Kanye pisses me the hell off. I have BPD and my insurance company doesn’t accept any psychiatric providers in our area. Telehealth isn’t an option, either. So we are going to spend $500 a pop that we don’t have just to keep me on my meds. I’ve been on a rollercoaster with them since the hospital will only prescribe 30 days of pills and then I can’t get refills and my primary care doc can’t prescribe them. We have a Cadillac insurance plan. Welcome to the American healthcare system.
I felt like I needed to comment on this, but, at the same time, I wasn’t sure exactly how to express my feelings on it accurately.
Borderline personality is a very misunderstood and mistreated ( I feel hesitant to say disease) for a several reasons yet, realistically, it falls into the criteria.
There is not nearly enough research done to help, ar least not as much research, because it’s an array of symptoms that can be misdiagnosed with other things or simply written off as a personality “issue”… or someone being manipulative or emotional.
In certain ways, for ME, it reminds me of being the fibromyalgia of mental health.
I don’t know Pete or Ariana or anything about the dynamics of their relationship, but I sense that it’s important people avoid making anyone the villain.
Sometimes, there are none; just two people navigating through very difficult terrain and, publicly, due to their occupations.
I love that Pete has such a huge support system. I love that so many people are growing increasingly aware of whatit might be like to live with a mental health issue because of technology allowing a public platform for all to see. As with anything, however, the good comes with the bad.
Not everyone has that kind of support system but maybe, when a public figure goes through, it affects and helps those who don’t have that kind of support or audience.
Of course it sickens me when people tell other people to kill themselves… people they’ve never met or know or encounter. But it makes me think those people have big issues as well that need to be sorted as no healthy individual would react that way.
To all those going through difficult times that affect them mentally and emotionally, it really does get better and it really is temporary. Emotions are fluid and no one ends up with just having one at all times.
Never be afraid to seek help or be true to yourself and honest with others. No one is ever alone.
Blessings and peace this holiday season.
This young man has serious issues and I pray he gets help. Sounds like he needs a full time support group with him. I also wonder about drugs.
Oh dear… I can’t say I’m surprised at how Pete and Ariana’s relationship blew up in this way. As soon as Pete was open about being borderline, I knew this wouldn’t end well. Obviously people who are borderline can go on to lead successful and amazing lives and are worthy of happiness. But it was clear Pete was incredibly troubled from the get go by all the things he said during his relationship to Ariana. It was just very evident Ariana had run from one troubled relationship straight into another and everyone could see this but her.
As for Kanye, in no way was Ariana making fun of anyone’s mental health. If he thinks we can’t make fun of him for tweeting 1000 times about Drake and being a manchild because we are harming his “mental health,” then don’t effing tweet a 1000 times about Drake. It might be a symptom of his mania, but it doesn’t excuse his lack of self control. And for Pete to pile on Ariana like that–no. I get he’s sensitive right now and anything Ariana does might piss him off, he isn’t thinking rationally. But Ariana was not making fun of anyone’s mental health. Kanye and Pete were both weaponizing it and I’m glad Ariana called them out on it (even if she deleted it). What a mess.
The internet just seems like we’re all in a never ending High school. Ariana said NOTHING wrong. She wasn’t making fun of anyone. I don’t even understand how Kanye could say otherwise.
Maybe if Ariana stops making music about Pete he wouldn’t feel so upset though ? I mean come on I don’t think she did anything wrong but it’s a bit bizarre to leave out the bit where she made several songs which refers to him including after their break up as if he’s just randomly triggered by everything she does for no reason.
Idk about this, y’all are always saying he’s a comedian when he makes troublesome remarks about her, and he dragged her pretty hard online yesterday. Maybe by that logic a complimentary song or two is a-ok.
Right, Bruja? I haven’t heard her recent songs, so I don’t know exactly what they say about him, but it’s amazing how blatant the double standard is.
What bad things did she say about Pete? He’s the one who kept making jokes about their relationship on SNL. He also made jokes about Kanye’s mental illness previously on SNL but now he’s saying the opposite. I think both Pete and Kanye need professional help and the internet is NOT the place to get it. They need to log off.
borderline.
Oh boy. I’m sooo old. I don’t understand why this happening so publicly. Wow wow wow. Social media is toxic.
By the way people can use suicide as a threat. My ex boyfriend threatened me. He said he will kill himself if I broke up with him. It was a threat and it was manipulative
I don’t even have Instagram, but from what I’ve read, Pete has been bullied and harassed even while he and Ariana were together. None of this makes sense to me, and comments that he should kill himself – again, before their breakup as well as after – have to be incredibly disturbing to anyone, let alone to someone who’s already vulnerable.
He also suffers from Crohn’s disease – if you don’t know the toll that vicious disease takes on a person – physically and emotionally – please Google it.
I will say, as someone else noted above: Ariana’s rapid coverup of the tattoo with Pete’s Dad’s FDNY number seems incredibly mean-spirited and cruel. I don’t know why you’d chose to destroy a small tribute to a man who died a hero trying to save others, and whose son you loved. It’s a pity that she and Pete could not have remained friends. She says she still cares for him – I don’t understand doing such a harsh thing to dishonor his Dad, knowing how deeply this would hurt him.
His Dad’s death was and is horrific, and at age 7, of course hit him terribly hard. Really, maybe leaving NYC would be a good step for him from that standpoint alone.
Remember, she’s been through a terrorist attack herself. Don’t pretend you get the gravity of it more than she. Pete was onstage talking about covering tattoos about her ONE week after they split, anyway, so wtf you mean “rapid”?
+1 Pete had covered up the bunny tattoo before they had “officially” split.
I’m not referring to their multiple shared tattoos – I’m referring only to the tattoo of Pete’s dad’s FDNY badge number. Certainly it’s their rights to remove/cover whatever tattoos they chose. To me, the removal of that specific tattoo seems very cold. If it doesn’t seem that way to you, that’s fine.
This man has a mental illness ( and a physical illness) I don’t know why everyone is calling him manipulative. Kinda disturbed that this is the popular take.
Honestly why do people even talk about Ariana, he was talking about his mental health long before he was with her. Not everything is about her and it isn’t her fault everyone with half a brain knows that. None of this is anyone’s fault but I do think she needs to learn to leave him out of her music going forward as he’s a fragile guy and obviously finds the attention hard to deal with.
Another thing to consider is that Pete and Ariana’s combined wealth was $45,500,000. Now Pete’s net worth is $500,000. That’s got to hurt too.
If someone talks about suicide, it is usually because they have considered it. I feel that Pete is really struggling and I don’t think he is kidding or “threatening” suicide. I think he is really unwell and feeling really down and overwhelmed. He should be taken seriously. I don’t think he would put that out there just to get a rise out of Ariana or to make her come to him. I honestly think he is at risk. Blessings to Pete.
I know what it’s like. I’m married to one. They won’t get help. You feel guilty. They get help and don’t like it. You feel guilty. It’s always about them. Their stuff. Their emotions. You watch while they self medicate and I’m sorry watching. I know they are in a spiderweb of stuff. But do they ever look around and see who is there. Because we have been.
I wish I was strong enough. I’ve cut two people out of my life. I’m married to some who won’t come home. At all. Ever. My heart Breaks. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this.
I don’t know how any of this ended up being pinned on Ariana. She made a joke about Kanye and Drake fighting on Twitter and that people should check out her and Miley’s new music instead of worrying about the guys. She didn’t say anything harmful about Kanye or Pete. She did nothing wrong and ended up looking like a bully because some blogs took the conversation out of context. Ugh.
Kanye is exhausting. I do worry about Pete, though — I think he’s in a very fragile state. I hope family, friends, or coworkers urge him to get help. Maybe now that SNL will be off air for a while he can seek the treatment he needs to get into a healthier headspace.
He needs to stay strong and pray to God to help him.
I’m having a new not so good feeling about Pete Davidson after today’s TMZ story.
This just makes me realise that Ariana was right to end the relationship. She has also been through a lot and together they would have become toxic. People have commented that Ariana chooses fixer uppers, but maybe she does so to distract from her own issues. If she can focus her attention on them, she can ignore having to fix herself. I’m also thinking how Britney Spears has done so well, even during the worst of her mental illness, to keep all of this off of social media. It seems when celebrities struggle, whether with mental illness or drugs, the public fallout is huge.
Also, ALL of these people, Ariana, Pete, Kanye, should stay off of Twitter. It’s toxic and can kill a career in 5 seconds.