Kathy Bates on cancer: ‘I’ve lost friends [who] don’t realize it’s a long process’

Honoree Kathy Bates
The last time I covered Kathy Bates was a couple of years ago, when she discussed the fact that she had a double mastectomy to treat her stage II breast cancer in 2012 and had opted to skip reconstruction. (She had talked about her breast cancer before.) She was also diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2003. The good news is that she’s beaten both. Kathy has been working since 2014 to raise awareness for lymphedema, a condition where the lymph nodes get blocked and can cause painful swelling, which she developed after having her lymph nodes removed. I’ve known several people who have developed lymphedema and apparently it’s very common but often goes undiagnosed. Kathy recently lost 60 pounds and dyed her hair dark. She looks great and I almost didn’t recognize her! At a recent event in her honor, she explained that she did it to treat and prevent her lymphedema from worsening. She also discussed her cancer battle and how it can be disheartening to lose friends who don’t stand by you.

“[Lymphedema] affects more people than ALS, MS, AIDS and Parkinson’s combined. Ten million Americans. But people just don’t know about it,” she says…

Bates worked with LE&RN, the Lymphatic Education & Research Network, to find a doctor who understood the condition.

“I’m feeling great,” she says. “I’ve lost a lot of weight and it’s really helped with my symptoms. I just still have to wear compression sleeves or guard against nicks and bug bites because that can lead to sepsis.”

But Bates knows that not all lymphedema sufferers are as lucky to have that support, so she became the national spokesperson for LE&RN to spread the word. She was honored at the WebMD event as the 2019 “Game Changer” for her work.

“When I heard those figures I got involved,” she says. “I got very pissed off because it was unfair. I’ve been asked to lend my name to a cause [before] and I’ve made it my policy not to do that, but this is the first one I’ve felt strongly about.”

Bates says that for both lymphedema and cancer, the best thing people can do for friends or family who are dealing with the conditions is to stick by them.

“I think going through breast and ovarian cancer you feel like you’re a burden,” she says. “I’ve lost friends because some friends want to help but don’t realize it’s a long process. So they sort of drop out. It’s a problem. I think families try to do the best they can but it’s very difficult to help.” – From People


On how she lost the weight
“Mindfulness, just knowing when to push my plate away,” Bates revealed to Us. “My niece told me this little secret, I guess it’s no secret, it’s a biological thing, that at some point when you’re eating, you have this involuntary sigh and that’s really your brain and your stomach communicating that you’ve had enough,” she said. “The trick is to pay attention to that and push your plate away.”

In addition, the Oscar winner said she’s been avoiding temptations such as junk food and soda…

“It took a few years,” Bates admitted. “I would say you have to be really patient … I don’t like the word willpower, but I like the word determination.” – From US

[From People and US Magazine]

I love how she said it took years to lose weight and that she didn’t discuss her diet specifically, just that she learned portion control and to stop when she was full. That description of your body sighing was so cool. She’s not out here touting some cleanse or giving up carbs. *cough* Plus she seems to genuinely care about and be affected by this cause and it’s not for a pharmaceutical company. (Although multiple companies do sponsor it and if she was getting paid there’s not shame in it.) I love Kathy and I’m glad she’s feeling great now.

Oh and I put the thing about losing friends in the title because I was chronically sick, many years ago, and I could relate. Some people stop showing up for you when you get ill.

Honoree Kathy Bates

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38 Responses to “Kathy Bates on cancer: ‘I’ve lost friends [who] don’t realize it’s a long process’”

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  1. Insomniac says:

    I love Kathy’s dark hair! She completely rocked the Eldergoth look in “American Horror Story” this season. May she stay cancer free from now on.

    • jan90067 says:

      She looks wonderful (though I do like her gray hair better 😊 ).

      I can also relate to what she says. When I first came home after being hospitalized for Leukemia, everyone was calling, emailing etc. (couldn’t have too many visits due to risk of infections to me). All was fine. A few months later, when I had my stem cell transplant and was in the hospital for 7 wks., it started to trail off. Got the well wishes, etc., but by the time I got home, and was able to see people (not having to wear masks etc), not that many were left. Only the few “core” people in my life.

      Like Kathy says, people don’t realize it’s a “long haul”, and that you’re probably not going to be very socially involved, or even want the company at first, but for a lot of people, out of sight out of mind. Their lives move on. Also, people can feel uncomfortable around illness, even if it’s not something contagious. A lot of people would rather not face it.

  2. Lightpurple says:

    As I sit here typing, I can’t feel two of the fingers on my left hand, the armpit is strangely itchy inside, my neck feels locked, there is a stabbing pain in my lower left shoulder blade and my breast is throbbing. I need to get up and do my physical therapy exercises to unlock the neck, that will help with the fingers. We’re getting snow later today and a big storm on Sunday so the throbbing will get worse until that passes. Lyphedema sucks.

    And she’s right about people falling away. They can’t deal with it, even if you aren’t asking them to do anything.

    • cannibell says:

      Ugh. I hope by the time you read this you’ve done those exercises and are feeling better. I had a colleague who had the finger numbness, but it was a chemotherapy side effect.

      On a separate note, here in Flyover Country, that storm is expected tonight.

      • tuille says:

        My numbness & pain are from chemo as well, which also caused permanent kidney damage. Still, without it I probably wouldn’t now be alive. Blessings to all who’ve suffered from CA & its consequences.

    • Liz version 700 says:

      Lightpurple I totally understand. I have had chronic debilitating migraines for years. Usually connected to the weather. I am tskkng a new injectionlr medication that has lowered my migraine days from 12-16 days a month to 3-4. But I am also waiting for Sunday’s snow in violent pain. And you loose friends when you can’t be fun 24/7. If I can get the pounding to stop in my head I will send some good energy your way.

  3. Lipreng says:

    She looks great.

    My mom was diagnosed with nasopharyngeal cancer last spring that was caused by HPV16. Get vaccinated, ladies! It has been such an exhausting year and she was just declared cancer free! She is now getting ready for reconstructive oral surgery so she can eat solids again and she still goes to regular PT to combat the lymphedema in her neck/face. Between this and my sister passing from Familial ALS, which I also have a 50% chance of developing, it has been the most difficult year. The effect of Cancer can last for several years, if not a lifetime.

  4. Esmom says:

    She looked great with the salt and pepper hair but this dark shade is really flattering. What a harrowing health journey, yikes. This lymphedema info is news to me. So scary. I’m glad she’s doing so well now.

  5. Lucy2 says:

    She’s had a lot of challenges, glad to hear she’s doing so well now. I just saw the RBG movie last night and she was great in it.

    I like the dark hair!

  6. JaneDoesWork says:

    I know EXACTLY what she is talking about. Not sure if its a 2000’s thing or an American thing, but people are used to rapid resolution these days, and “an end to the story” that makes them feel good. Well I’m not sorry that my mom lived for 2 years when she was given 6 months to live when she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, but a bunch of my friends were. When I was living in the hospital with her across the country, my friends back home were inviting me to birthday parties and things and couldn’t believe when I told them I wasn’t going to make it. Like I was inventing the horrible thing happening in my life. My best friend at the time basically ghosted me and then later told other people “clearly her mom isn’t actually dying anymore than we are all dying” people just don’t understand that its not a short process and it can also be evolving.

    • Lala11_7 says:

      I call it…the “Microwave Effect”….we’re used to getting everything quick, fast and in a hurry…I hate that stance…and it is SO UNFORTUNATE…that our society doesn’t have a better understanding of illness…or death…keeping it locked behind closed doors…It is a process…and as painful as that process is…there can be joy too….THAT…I know….

    • Lorina says:

      Oh God, JaneDoesWork, I’m so sorry.
      I can relate, I know exactly what you mean.

      I read Pride and Prejudice again recently after reading it in my youth, and I was astonished: Everything takes forever there..! They thought so differently of time; that some things just take time was normal.
      I’m not one for ‘everything used to be better way back when’, but I got a bit sad at that.

  7. Ader says:

    Too true. When my mom got cancer, her friends changed. There was one group (and lordy do I wish I could name and shame right now! JA, I’m looking straight at YOU!) who was always trying to tell her what to do and how to be sick…and, and, and…..

    Some jerks just can’t handle when other people are sick and try to control.

  8. Nev says:

    Love the new look happening!!
    Stay well Kathy!!!

  9. Chaine says:

    I’m glad she is in remission and getting healthy. I don’t care for the hair color, though. To me it is a harsh color and makes her face look washed out. Or maybe she needs to switch up her makeup to match the new hair?

  10. PlayItAgain says:

    I only lost two nodes when I went through cancer treatment last year, but I now wear a compression sleeve on my left arm when I fly. I saw what my aunt went through with severe lymphedema, and I’ll do anything to guard against it.

    And it’s definitely true that you learn a lot about your friends. Which ones will drop everything when you need them, which ones will “fit you in” to their schedules…it’s all helpful and you’re grateful for them, you just learn who to ask for what and when.

  11. Holly says:

    As someone who’s parent has had cancer multiple times, I’ve seen first hand how friendships change. But I think it’s a lot more complicated than it seems. Relationships in general can be difficult and people have to do what’s best for themselves. So does the person who is sick.

    I think there’s a lot more grey area to it than people often want to admit.

  12. frizz says:

    I love her diet advice! It’s very similar to what I did to lose weight. Habit changes are very effective but it takes time for your neural pathways to change. But in the long run the weight stays off.

    I have chronic illness and it’s tough with friends because activities and concerns change and you stop having stuff in common. I’m lucky to have some great friends who make the effort!

  13. Gigi La Moore says:

    I love Kathy.

  14. Helen says:

    it’s amazing for her that she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2003, managed to beat it, got diagnosed with breast cancer eleven years later, beat that too, and is still alive in 2019!!!

    my aunt had a 1yr old ans thought she was pregnant again summer 2011, went to get checked and it turned out she had ovarian cancer. she beat it, but was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014, which she also beat. but the ovarian cancer came back in late 2017 and she passed away by april 2018. she was grateful she got to see her son through his eigth year. cancer is garbage.

  15. Aerohead21 says:

    I am so glad for her and SUPER glad she’s speaking out. She is such a talented and amazing actress. I just can’t fathom a world without Kathy Bates.

  16. Deana says:

    You never “beat” cancer. It can roar back. I know this from personal experience, unfortunately.

    • NYC_girl says:

      I agree… if you are lucky, you are successfully treated with surgery and chemo/radiation… but it can always come back. It is something I am fully aware of….

    • Micky says:

      Yes it’s true. Once you have cancer, you are always looking over your shoulder for it to come roaring back. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago. I had a double mastectomy. I’m doing fine now but I have severe anxiety about my health. Is the cancer going to return in my lungs, bones, brain? My docs probably think I’m nuts because every time I have any kind of pains I go in and want scans done to make sure it hasn’t returned. Worrying about cancer returning literally keeps me up at night. It’s exhausting.

      • NYC_girl says:

        I totally understand…. I have a hard time falling asleep sometimes, all sorts of things race through my mind, including my diagnosis. I mentioned below that I had a double mastectomy almost 5 years ago, and therapy really helped me, and still does. I highly recommend seeing a therapist, even for a short time. It really helped me get my feelings and fears in a better place. I dated someone briefly last year – he ended up being a massive jerk, but we would laugh whenever we had a random pain – we would say, “This is it. This is how it ends.” Laughter is good….

      • Mara says:

        Hi, Micky ~
        Just wanted to jump in here and let you know that I beat Stage 4 breast cancer in 1991, and for a number of years was in a panic waiting for it to come back. I couldn’t sleep, and would look at my toddler and feel awful that I wouldn’t get to see her grow up. I made it until 2006, & got breast cancer in the other breast, (totally unrelated to the original cancer dx). I beat the new cancer. I had my staging done today (and will have it done every 6 months for the rest of my life)…..I have no evidence of disease. I wish that someone would have told me 28 years ago that I needed to get back to the business of living instead of being in a constant state of panic with the threat of death hanging over my head. I hope that this message helps you in some small way. Take care. Mara

  17. Lorina says:

    She’s great. I really liked her quotes.

    I’m chronically ill, incurably; and a lot of the time, I’m fine, I can do mostly normal things. But then, every few months or so, somethimes more often, I will be bedridden for weeks. I have lost some friends over that – I guess they expected me to be there always, and I just can’t; so they just went away.

  18. tuille says:

    It’s wonderful that she’s in remission and her weight loss has lots of non-cancer related health benefits too. I’m glad she’s busy with work but I find the the dark hair very harsh & aging. Her natural hair was never that dark when she was young and a softer, lighter color would be much more becoming now.

  19. Nicegirl says:

    All of this

  20. NYC_girl says:

    I had bilateral breast cancer in 2014 and didn’t do recon either. People have made some stupid comments to me, and dating hasn’t been easy, but whatever…. It is definitely a long process. I had people immediately ask me if I was getting implants instead of, “Are you OK?” They seemed more concerned with implants than if I was healthy and beat that sh*t. I found that people were OK to listen to a certain point, and then reached their saturation point. I am grateful to my therapist to help me through most of it. I also had a full hysterectomy 4 months later. It has been a long road but I’m grateful to be healthy now, and turning 50 in April.

    • outoftheshadows says:

      I hope you remain healthy and happy. There are people out there who will see your strength and for whom that will be very attractive… so dating won’t have to be difficult forever. I bet there are some men who’ve had wives with cancer who would really appreciate you! (Or women, if you’re not into men.)

  21. outoftheshadows says:

    I lost one of my best friends to cancer (or, more specifically, complications from treatment) in August. I miss her every day and spent most of January so far writing about her and her work. She’s just one of the people I’ve lost to cancer–it affects almost everyone eventually. I’m so glad Kathy Bates is doing okay, and I’m sending love to all of you who are suffering from, recovering from, and living with cancer and other illness here. All we have in life are the people we love–so it is up to us to love them with compassion for their suffering, and to accompany them even if we can’t alleviate it.