Shailene Woodley: ‘I don’t trust anyone. Dating’s hard. I mean, I love sex’

Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio back in their car on the set of 'Once Upon a Time in Hollywood'

Shailene Woodley is one of five cover women for the June issue of InStyle. The other four women are the leads of Big Little Lies 2, the second season or second miniseries. It actually took me a second to remember, “oh right, Shailene Woodley gives bonkers interviews.” Like, she’s fun to cover usually because she talks sh-t and says problematic stuff at times. But guess what? Our Shailene has grown up a lot recently. She’s in therapy and she honestly seems more reflective in this piece. You can read the full thing here. Some highlights:

Whether she considers herself ambitious: “The word “ambition” has so many negative connotations for me because I feel like it can be cruel in a lot of ways. I think of people using other people. Oftentimes ambition can easily be “Get out of my way because I have a goal, and anything standing in front of me is going to be completely eradicated.” But every word has a polarity, and we can all define things differently. People always talk about ambition in terms of dreams and goals and success, but ambition can also be humble… I’ve always been driven. But I’ve been driven by … Listen, I have to be careful about the words I choose because it’s easy for people to call me a hippie.”

Why she loves to travel: “My father grew up poor. Like, no-electricity poor. His entire life was about protecting and serving his family because that wasn’t what he had when he was a child. My parents worked their asses off to give my brother and me a life where we could go camping on weekends. We could afford to go to Mexico once a year. Everything was, like, more is more. But I came into the world, like, less is more…It made me incredibly responsible, incredibly serious. And observant and flexible. I was worldly from a young age because I was exposed to so many adults and so many stories. In my early 20s I got rid of everything I owned and lived out of a carry-on. I loved it. As I got older I really craved a home, but now I find myself hungry for constant change again.”

What she’s least confident about: “Sh-t … That’s a question for my therapist. [laughs] The honest answer to that is so many things are changing for me at the moment. I recently started therapy, and it has dramatically altered my life. A few months ago I was the least confident in my self-worth. I don’t beat myself up over it anymore, but I still feel like I don’t fully trust myself to say no to certain things, to trust my discernment. But I will be, very soon.

On dating & whether people ask her out: “No, I don’t trust anyone. Dating’s hard. I mean, I love sex. I love the power of emotional connection via physicality. Who doesn’t? But now I’m only interested in those unexpected impactful connections. It’s easy to talk about the positive things about love, but love is scary. Recently I was speaking with a friend, and we were like, “When was the last time you met someone and had the ability to say, ‘I’m so attracted to you. I think your mind stimulates my mind in ways I can’t explain. Creatively, I’m feeling a 10. Physically, I can’t wait to know what you feel like. And you scare the sh-t out of me’?”

[From InStyle]

“I don’t trust anyone. Dating’s hard. I mean, I love sex. I love the power of emotional connection via physicality. Who doesn’t? But now I’m only interested in those unexpected impactful connections.” I think this Shailene’s way of saying that she’s not going to date guys just to get laid anymore, she actually wants to be able to talk to them. It’s sort of a baller flex, honestly. I also like how reflective she is about her wanderlust and why she goes through phases of transience – it makes a lot of sense. She travels and lives wherever she wants and she can go off the grid or take an apartment in Paris and it’s because she can afford to have those experiences. Good for her.

Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio back in their car on the set of 'Once Upon a Time in Hollywood'

Covers courtesy of InStyle.

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27 Responses to “Shailene Woodley: ‘I don’t trust anyone. Dating’s hard. I mean, I love sex’”

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  1. Sayrah says:

    She’s unapologetically kooky

  2. Stephanie says:

    Sorry but I can’t stand her.

  3. Vanessa says:

    I just watch little big lies I loved it I can’t wait for season 2 I’ve always like shailene .

  4. LahdidahBaby says:

    Such all-enveloping self-reflectiveness is a luxury that many can’t afford.

    • Esmom says:

      Really? I’m not sure what you mean. I think a lot more people should be self-reflective, how is that a luxury? Unless you mean therapy being expensive, which can be true, but I don’t think everyone needs therapy to be insightful about themselves.

      I will say that I wonder how old she is, because she talks about her early 20s as if they were decades ago when weren’t they fairly recently?

      I can relate to her wanting to get rid of everything. The older I get, the less I care about my possessions. I’ve been Marie Kondo-ing the crap out of my stuff but I’d love to just get a big truck to just haul it all away, lol, instead of this piecemeal stuff I’ve been doing.

    • Valiantly Varnished says:

      Self-reflection is something every human being should be doing. I’m not talking about therapy – which yes is a luxury – but shouldn’t be. Im talking about taking the time to understand why we do the things we do and think the way we think. I feel if people were given more space to do that we wouldn’t have so many people in this world with depression and addiction issues. And maybe if people didn’t go around calling it a “luxury” people wouldn’t feel stigmatized about seeking help or doing the work on their own.

    • isabelle says:

      Really? So you don’t really think anything out or reflect? Don’t answers questions when someone asks?

    • Annaloo. says:

      I FEEL YOUR PAIN, LahdidahBaby! Who is the narcissist in your life that is driving you crazy bc I thought the same thing as your comment!

  5. Desolee says:

    I adore that cover ! She looks better without the strong eyeliner or something is different. Such a cute outfit

  6. Valiantly Varnished says:

    Im still giving her side eye due to past statements, but yes she does sound more mature. The cockiness and “know-it all-ness” seems to have gone away a bit. Therapy will do that – and so will life experience.

    • Becks1 says:

      I’m here. She does sound like she has grown a lot, in a good way.

    • PlainJane says:

      The older we get, the less we know. Or the more we realize everyone walks their own path. I appreciate what she’s saying.

      And I am glad we aren’t talking about eating clay anymore!

  7. savu says:

    Get it girl! My social life is much slower than it used to be in my teens and early 20s, I just have zero interest in superficial conversation. You can have a drink with anyone. I want to feel actual connection with friends. That means I have far fewer of them, but our friendships fill me up ♥️ glad I’m not the only one!

  8. perplexed says:

    I don’t find her annoying or anything like that. But she’s not someone I would seek out to see in a movie. She keeps getting big roles, and I don’t really get why. There’s something about her acting I find blah.

    She looks good on this cover though.

  9. cate says:

    bigger ego than talent. she needs to open up a dictionary or read more. she has the habit of using words that are positive and spinning them negative. first it was feminist now its ambition. she has a lot of growing to do and she thinks she has it all figured out. yawn

    • North of Boston says:

      Most women I know understand that the word “ambition” is loaded for us in ways it isn’t for men. Typically, at least where I’m from “ambition” in a man = great! “ambition” in a woman = not so great – with at least a dozen different flavors of criticism lobbed at ambitious women. (for examples, pick just about any woman running for major office in the US in the last 10 years and you’ll find some mainstream coverage of her that spins her ambition for that office in a negative way)

      So, her understanding that the world ambition has negative connotations as well as positive ones seems perfectly reasonable to me, and she gives examples of the ways ambition can express itself and be seen as negative. I don’t get the last sentence in that pull quote, but I’m assuming it would make more sense if I knew more about her public image and why people tend to see her as a hippie.

  10. jen says:

    i really like these photos of her, she can often be a hot mess on the red carpet and she looks naturally beautiful here. and now i want to see the other covers from instyle. zoe has a cover? where is zoe?

  11. Case says:

    She always comes across as a self-involved hipster to me.

  12. Vanessa says:

    Does anyone have a link to where I can purchase the dress shailene is wearing on the cover of the magazine

  13. clairej says:

    Is she still with the rugby player? They were cute together.

  14. Parigo says:

    She was really lucky to have the career she did, I never understood why.

    These are great pics though. Her face looks different to me, but it looks natural.

  15. Rae says:

    Can someone fill me in on what she’s said previously that was problematic? I have a vague recollection of rolling my eyes at her but can’t remember exactly what she said that caused issues.

    Edit: Besides being a Sanders cultist. Definitely rolled my eyes at that.

    • Original T.C. says:

      Viewing feminism as anti-male so she’s Not for it.

    • CuriousCole says:

      Rae: There was also some eyerolling when she talked about giving her vagina regular sunshine bathing time etc… She spouted stuff like that for a solid year or two right after she hit it big with Divergent. Which really has more to do with why she was called a hippie than any opinions she had on ambition.

  16. Annie says:

    “I think this Shailene’s way of saying that she’s not going to date guys just to get laid anymore, she actually wants to be able to talk to them.”

    This is the hardest part of dating today. So many guys still look for superficial encounters and casual sex. Very few can talk about things other than sex. If you say you just want to talk, they only want to talk about sex. It’s really hard to find someone you can connect with.

  17. ikki says:

    beautiful cover! and love her answers <3