Rosanna Arquette is a member of the Resistance against Donald Trump, against fascism and racism and white supremacy. She’s been doing her best – allies, activists and advocates don’t have to be perfect, they just have to listen, be respectful and try. That’s literally it. “Don’t be a douchebag” is how low the bar has been set for most anti-Trump people to find an alliance with one another. I would say that it’s been a difficult few days or a difficult few weeks, but America has been a hellscape for the past three years with Donald Trump’s nomination, election and regime. In the wake of this past weekend’s dual shootings in El Paso and Dayton, it seems like something broke in Rosanna Arquette. She tweeted this shortly before she made her Twitter account private:
The Deplorables jumped down her throat as soon as she tweeted this, which might explain why she set her account to private, just to get those a–holes off her mentions. This must be that mysterious “white guilt” people talk about: “I’m sorry I was born white and privileged. It disgusts me. And I feel so much shame.” The thing is, the people who should actually feel guilt about their votes, their actions, their words, their prejudice, their bigotry… don’t. They don’t feel that guilt. I just feel like this is the wrong energy for someone who wants to be an ally? Like, I won’t speak for communities of color, but personally I don’t want white people’s guilt. I want them to acknowledge their privilege – because acknowledging it and being aware of it literally doesn’t cost a thing – and actually think about how they’re voting, who they’re hiring, which issues they’re supporting, what movements they’re working with, and more. Instead of feeling bad or ashamed, take that energy and use it to actively ally with a good cause or candidate.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I wish she would have said I feel a responsibility because I was born white and privileged. That she is afforded platforms others aren’t and it is her job to use those platforms to speak out and bring attention to those that are typically ignored.
I thought the Arquettes were Jewish. Maybe not practicing but Jewish re lineage/ethnicity. She should be proud of her family however they came to be. Whiteness doesn’t exist anymore than other ‘races,’ accept your own rich ethnic background as part of the human mosaic
She falls into a trap, the white guilty liberal trope is not great to embrace. As someone mentioned if it bothers you, give back and make a way for others who aren’t afforded what you have by way of perceived identity. But being disgusted and guilty helps no one.
Also- by making the conversation about her own shame and guilt, she continues to center herself in the conversation which is about the whitest white woman thing she can do- other than making a video of herself crying actual white tears.
Recognizing her privilege, naming it and focusing on using it to push back is much more effective and useful than this self indulgent tweet. Hopefully, it was just a moment of overwhelm and she gets back to it after she’s recharged a bit.
Thank you!!!! She can open her home and wealth and heart to a refugee family or maybe several families and help them begin their lives here for example. Her statement sounds childish or like she’s drunk tweeting. What’s the old saying? Put your money (and white privilege) where your mouth is.
their mother was Jewish but they were raised Catholic and went to Catholic school
Yes! Arquette’s tweet is very troubling to me. Having white guilt is part of the problem. This type of feeling or thought partly fuels racism of any kind. We should all be proud of our own race, culture, ethnicity, gender etc. Its the idea of superiority thats the issue.
Totally agree with this. Nicely done, Kiera.
You can do both (feel guilty and work as an ally). I get the guilt at having a lot of privilege as a rich while woman. I’m a middle class white woman and I have guilt about the privileges I have – and that my kids have – even as I do everything I can to be a good ally. I don’t know that if use the word “disgust” but I get the guilt and feeing like I should apologize.
As a mixed race person it makes me sad to think that anyone would be ashamed of the colour of their skin. White is as beautiful as any other colour. The deeds of white ancestors are not the fault of the current generations. They have no control over the past but the do have an element of control over the future and that’s the most important thing to recognise.
I have white guilt.
As a child of European immigrants, I always felt my unearned privilege, knowing that other immigrant families did not have the advantages that I did, simply because they are people of color. But then it really came down on me like a hundred ton brick when I started taking social work and ethnic studies in college.
To me the guilt is a constant reminder of injustice.
I know nobody needs my guilt. It’s mine alone to bear. But I think it is a powerful motivation to keep my eyes and my heart open, to teach others about unearned privilege, and to actively work for change.
I would like to suggest that my efforts to be an ally are not necessarily to assuage my guilt, but rather to fight the injustice, which is much bigger and more important than my comparatively insignificant guilty feelings.
This is beautifully stated Silent Star and a testament to the potential of education–liberal arts education–to deepen the cause of equality. Kara Swisher said we would be in a lot less trouble if Zuckerberg had finished his degree and taken several humanities courses. She thinks he might understand human history and suffering more.
I can’t believe that people think to feel guilty or ashamed because you’re living well is somehow a good thing. being wealthy, being free, being happy should be something we all aspire to and not something we are ashamed of. that’s just a pathological mindset. if you feel bad for people that don’t have all that then you should work on pulling them up and not tearing yourself down.
I am a queer Mexican guy and I find it hella cringeworthy when whites self-flagellate, it’s a sort of woke performance. I live in SF and sideeye the hell out of my white friends that moved from somewhere else, as did I, but they always say “ugh white gentrifiers”. Hmmmm, have you looked in the mirror? It makes me distrust them a little.
While I don’t think that someone should feel ashamed for the things you’ve listed, I do think they should consider how they got those things.
It makes me angry when I hear people who have ‘made it’ talking about how it was all hard work, which makes it sound like it was an equal opportunity. It is rarely an equal opportunity. Many things can have given you an unfair advantage, such as race, health, gender, country and your financial status to begin with. It’s not as simple as just being driven and putting in hard work but most people who are fortunate enough to go far don’t want to acknowledge any form of privilege that many have got them there.
@nahema, exactly! That’s why they don’t want to acknowledge it.
I’m not ashamed of myself being white. I’m ashamed of how a lot of white people act though. I’m ashamed of the Trump supporters in my family. I guess I’m also ashamed that it took me until the age of 19 to even begin to see the true inequality around me and begin to awaken to the truth. But that’s a whole other story (I’m 36 now so I’ve had to forgive that naive child and make sure my own kids are more aware of what goes on for real in this world).
I also hold no allegiance with white people. In fact I put them last at this point when it comes to anything like hiring. I won’t hire a white person to work on my home or anything else where I’ll be patronizing a local business. In places where I can choose to put my money towards black-owned or Hispanic-owned business, I will always do that first. I learned in a forum on elevating black communities that this is a good way to put your money where your mouth is, as an ally.
There are plenty of racist white people who would not hire someone or frequent a business because it’s a business owned by a person of color. We have to combat that.
So I don’t totally get what she’s saying… to me action as a good ally is better than words like these. But hey, this is better than the alternative white supremacy.
These are really good ideas, thank you.
This for sure. The businesses I frequent, seek out, recommend and support are locally owned and operated by people of color, immigrants or simply amazing business owners who commit to the community and groups that interest me. You know those business owners, the ones who lift up migrant families and local school sports, highlighting students and employees of the month, hosting holiday charities and disaster relief. My family moved from a suburban bubble because I was suffocating and wanted my kids to experience real culture like where I was raised, educated and lived for so long. It may not make a bit of difference, but at least I can breathe.
When I got involved in anti-racism activism someone told me: ‘I don’t want your white guilt, I want you to use your privilege and not take credit for it’. Which was very good advice. I think Rosanne Arquette might need some people to tell her how to use her privilege too.
+124
Perfect sentiment.
I think she knows this but was just overwhelmed by the depth and power of white rage. When white people are angry, they can literally destroy the entire planet through nuclear weaponry or climate change denial. They can elevate a soft-porn picture model / possibly illegal immigrant and imbue her with white female innocence while degrading M. Obama, and valorize a man of obviously limited intelligence while denigrating a constitutional scholar. They can, on a day when folks are morning the dead, raid a workplace leaving children parentless while leaving the white people who hired them free to exploit another group. They can put children in cages and cheer.
If you are white with a conscience, this is heavy stuff. She should be ashamed, but more importantly, she should leverage her power.
Sigh…not helpful Rosanna.
Why feel guilty over your birth? Which you had exactly zero control over? Be thankful you don’t have to put up with the BS that POC do. I have no interest in competing in the oppression Olympics which some white people seem to want to do. I have tough things in my life but in many aspects I won the lottery, I get it. I feel grateful. Feel guilty about times you didn’t utilize that privilege in a positive, helpful way. Or failed to acknowledge that privilege and went along with the “system”. But this? Is a waste of time and focus.
Came here to say this. Thank you.
No one should feel guilty for being white and/or being rich if they are working for change. For Pete’s sake, she has a huge platform that she can use to give a voice to others.
Yes, this. Feeling guilty about or proud of one’s heritage is just weird. As you said, we had no control over that and certainly did nothing to be proud of. It’s not an actual achievement to be born whatever. I can understand being interested in one’s heritage, but proud? I can also understand being proud of one’s ancestors for actually doing something cool like throwing off oppression. But that’s not what seems to be said in these “I’m a proud whatever” convos. I don’t think pride is le mot juste.
Just accept what you were born into, no frills, no guilt, but UNDERSTAND it. And make corrections. Because that need is nearly universal.
Well shouldn’t we be grappling with this? I’m not rich like her, but I have enough. I stopped buying expensive handbags. It made me sick if I was even considering it. I would stop and think, what the hell am I doing? I send that money to Unicef or now to RAICES. I think we can all stand to grapple with this more.
I’ll still treat myself while donating or volunteering. If not, what do I work for if I can’t buy what I want for myself?
As a WOC, I think it is more helpful if those in a position of more privileged call out racism and white supremacy and try and help as much and as safely as possible in situations where they are witnessing abuse of POC .
What would be really useful right now is if prominent people in the public domain collectively denounce Trump and do it LOUDLY. Once those voices have been mobilized, the republicans would be forced to re-think their current strategy.
That said I get she was trying to do a good thing and she should not be ridiculed for her feelings.
I don’t feel guilty about being white. I feel guilty for the years I spent being completely unaware of my privilege, ignorant to the deep-seated race problems in this country. I knew there was racism and people were racist, but I definitely grew up thinking if you didn’t wear a white hood or use racial slurs, you weren’t racist.
I know better now, and I try to do better, especially in terms of how I raise my sons. I work to be an ally. But I don’t feel guilty and ashamed over being born white.
Becks, completely agree. I find her comment to be very immature because I felt guilt when I was 19. I thought why do I get lucky with what I have when others don’t and can’t. I was 19. As I’ve grown older I have had my eyes open to how I can help and how to raise my kids so that they are aware of it from a much younger age. But do I feel guilty about my color, no. I think we have taken things too far with apologizing and it seems like we are playing the victim, taking away the core issue: to identify the wrongs and try to fix.
White guilt without action is useless. That is all.
Correct. It’s like the sinner who has guilt but doesn’t stop the sin.
well said Valiantly Varnished.
Well said as usual, VV.
Yeah, and also puts the white person in the center of the spotlight again, even if it’s not the intention.
What? But did you see my sign in the yard and window?
I dont think her statement is helpful… like at all
nobody will believe it and rightfully
you are saying you should be ashamed of what race you are born in?
I would appreciate more something like: I acknowledge I was born into a race which seems to have a priviledge. I will try to make sure I never willingly take advantage of this priviledge. Lets search for causes and solutions what would make us all unite, as ever race has their bad representatives
As a black women, this is so embarrassing. It must take an awful lot of mental gymnastics to look at all the oppression black people and people of colour face and walk away feeling sorry for YOURSELF because you are white and privileged. Honestly, this centering of your own feelings and publicly opining and focusing on the burden of the ‘shame’ you’re feeling is just peak white feminism and something I have noticed is almost exclusively done by white women. Interestingly, this shame is usually attached to whiteness and privilege (which is usually down to sheer luck), but these same people hardly every apologize for having been racist, saying racist things or behaving in a discriminatory way towards a person of colour. Atleast, that might have been an interesting public convo but I guess we are supposed to believe nobody has ever been a racist but they just feel sooo bad, and won’t someone think of their feelings? Be an ally, not an asshole.
Girl…you said everything I simply didn’t have the energy to write. Constantly dealing with white people’s feelings is EXHAUSTING. Specifically white women’s. For me this is just another example of white women tears.
@ValiantlyVarnished lol I gotchu! It’s just digital white women tears, to be honest.
@Pixie lol. I ate breakfast so I got a bit of energy now. Answered the question posed to you below.
@Pixie and @Valiantly Varnished. Thank you both. I replied to someone else up thread saying the same things you are saying here.
🖤
@Pixie
“Interestingly, this shame is usually attached to whiteness and privilege ”
“Atleast, that might have been an interesting public convo”
yes, absolutely, I love what you wrote, but how you imagine an interesting public convo about this? as it seems everyone has their point and the last resort of the normal white people is to say: I am ashamed of being white…. I hate her statement, because it sounds false and fake, but how that interesting public convo would go?
as I said we need causes and solutions where we can work together, and unite, which is happening, slowly but surely
I hope
Yeah, it kinda came across that way to me as well. I’m white and aware of the privilege that I have and am embarrassed by our white people. But the way she worded it kinda makes it sound all about her. Idk if I would say what she said outloud. It sounds like those people who say, white lives matter. Duh, no shit, they have to make it all about them. They can’t let anyone else have a moment. I think some white people are so used to the world revolving around them, they take it as a diss to them if others are mentioned and they are not.
Edit: sorry for duplication, it was a reply to Pixie above
“Interestingly, this shame is usually attached to whiteness and privilege ”
“Atleast, that might have been an interesting public convo”
yes, absolutely, but how you imagine an interesting public convo about this? as it seems everyone has their point and the last resort of the normal white people is to say: I am ashamed of being white…. I hate her statement, because it sounds false and fake, but how that interesting public convo would go?
as I said we need causes and solutions where we can work together, and unite, which is happening, slowly but surely
I hope
Honestly, racism and the values of white supremacy are a white problem and it is up to white people to fix it. It feels as though a lot of the burden of anti-racism work is currently left up to marginalized people of color, when truthfully white people hold all the power here. There are definitely ways of being an ally and holding a public conversation that is actually constructive and substantial and not just this performative stuff that helps nobody. When Dan Harmon genuinely acknowledged and apologised for sexually harrassing his employee, people fell over themselves to praise him because it was honest and a good use of this platform. Someone could definitely do the same to honestly reckon with issues of race in this country, and people would embrace it.
“It feels as though a lot of the burden of anti-racism work is currently left up to marginalized people of color, when truthfully white people hold all the power here”
it is very true that a burden of anti-racism is left to POC. The decades of slow progress was mainly left to POC to prove they can co-operate with whatever other races (mainly white), and not really about understanding and acknowledging the past and appreciating?
I can understand how frustrating it can be to hear and experience in everyday life for someone in power to be openly racial, but condescending and patronising is more harmful, imho
its easier to fight against open racism (as its open), but the patronising of POC is equally humiliating (like this unfortunate post from Rosanna)
who from the heatfelt apology should come from? how to do it right? nobody will feel satisfied all the time
@eniko If I’ve understood you right, you’re saying she is as bad/worse than openly racist people? I mean, there are few things in the world as harmful as open racism, but these kinds of fake performative statements don’t help anyone. I am not going to spend my time spoon feeding white people how to be less racist, because I don’t want to and nobody is offering to pay me handsomely to do so, but I hope everybody gets how Rosanna is currently part of the problem, and not the solution.
@Pixie
Rosanna maybe had a good intention with her statement but the execution was very bad and in several levels, just to mention 2: first, she declaring to be ashamed to be born into a specific race… very problematic, at least! the second, it sounds patronising, which I see red when I see this kind of statement, like how you dare??
yes, she is currently part of the problem
“I am not going to spend my time spoon feeding white people how to be less racist”
maybe that would be part of the solution and the interesting convo what you mentioned ? (but its true it would shift the responsibility to the POC to do it and come up with a solution as Valiantly Varnished said belowe)
as I said, there are bad representatives in all races, some people are just plain dumb, parroting what the others say, or they are a part of the money-thing, they do it for fame/money/because their agent told them it would be worth of a few clicks/likes, have prejudices (on both sides)
but there are really normal people (on both sides) who can have an intelligent conversation
fear and agressivity goes hand in hand (on both sides)
and its true, its nobody´s responsibility to teach the other side what they should have known already without spelling it out
unfortunately, its not the case with most people
And here’s my question to you: why are you looking to black women and WOC to come up with those solutions?? Racism isn’t black folks’ problem. It isn’t outs to solve. So if you are wondering what you should do perhaps you should sit down with other WHITE women and men and come up with some solutions. But I’m tired of white folks looming at POC for solutions to a problem we didn’t create.
Yup, basically!
I have been considering this issue for a while because as someone who is not white but looks it and is married to a POC with bio children, I have a foot in both worlds (and realize that I am privileged to be able to have a foot in both worlds). I think “white privilege” and “white guilt” cause such crazed reactions because people are afraid. If you have to acknowledge that someone else is just as talented as you are, but that you had an edge in getting your job, or by not being arrested even though you engaged in the exact same conduct, Etc. then it triggers a fight reaction in people who are afraid to lose that edge. I see it all the time In hiring and promotion decisions because the hire is (insert senior exec’s best friend’s neighbor) (and of course they all tend to be white and male). I like what the posters above said about guilt not being worth anybody’s time, but recognize that the privilege exists and help where you can to give a leg up to those who may be just as talented but don’t have privilege and connections.
I’m admittedly not the “wokest” person out there, but I’m pretty sure a wealthy, white women playing the “woe is me” card isn’t going to do anything to help the situation. Its almost as stupid as Lena Dunham bemoaning the fact that she hadn’t had the opportunity to have an abortion. I don’t think anyone is going to feel sorry for you.
It comes across very Lena Dunham. Not a constructive statement just an emotions dump so someone will give her a hug.
“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful…”
+1,000,000,000
My white male family members are going through the persecution complex under trumpism. They have taken the bate that Fox has been dangling in front of them for the last 20 years, but now they feel comfortable talking about it, to an extent. None of them think white privilege is real. I almost see where they came to that conclusion because Republicans have been force feeding this BS specifically to white men for as long as it has existed. It’s hard to break through that. Some men (and women) are fossilized in that ideology and it’s just flat out futile to get them to see what is so obvious.
Ha! This! I had a boss try and play the sympathy violin for himself that is a poor white male (highly educated) and now he’s a minority and feeling it. Cry me a river.
Rosanna has a very unhealthy attitude; would she rather have been born a giraffe or a rattlesnake? EVERYONE should embrace who they are.
I have no control over who my parents were. But I can control what I do now.
I am proud to be who I am. White, definitely not rich, and from a beautifully mixed family. We are Irish, and have now welcomed Hispanic, Asian and African American spouses and babies into our fold. I am a young military widow, left with a ton of debt and a broken heart. I still try to help others who are less fortunate. Everyone with a heart and a conscience can make this world a better place. I am playing a tiny violin for Rosanna Arquette. Poor baby is so ashamed of her privilege. How about stop the self loathing and get to work helping people who need it!
So sorry mara. Take care.
eh…..I mean, like Kaiser says, given everything that’s happened and how horrific it is – and being aware that you are apart of a group that created and enforced the racist institutions that led to these tragedies happening, and feeling saddened by those tragedies – while perhaps not the ‘best’ response….I can cut her some slack for being ineloquent while she’s still processing it all.
Wrong word choice but she’s not insufferable…
As POC we don’t expect or want you to feel guilty for being white. All we want is for you to learn about things like white privilege, implicit bias, and systemic racism and try to be an ally. In a similar vein, I’m straight and I need to recognize the privileges I have connected to my sexuality and be an ally for the LGBTQ community.
I am white.
I’ll be your ally if you be mine.
As a black woman, i don’t know whether to roll my eyes or laugh hysterically.
I was born middle class, able bodied. and privileged. Doesn’t disgust me!
I see what she was going for. But to me this is another example of white allies not really listening to the conversation that’s going on. They’ll attend the marches and retweet the right tweets but ultimately it will come down to how it all affects their feelings and lives.
There are so many black people suffering from self hate, its refreshing to see this isn’t something carried by just us. There are parts of every culture that can be shameful.. Kudos to her!
I don’t think she should feel ashamed or disgusted for who she was born as. Just use that privilege for good.
I took it to mean she was feeling shame on behalf of all the white privileged people doing terrible things like the shooting in El Paso. Similar to the shame I assume certain Americans to feel when their country bombs civilians in the Middle East – even if they are not directly responsible, they have been born into a group of people that is. It’s not the sort of feeling you control, it just overcomes you. I experience it regularly myself, it’s not self-pity, it’s just acknowledgement of the degree of awfulness.
That’s such a white girl guilt thing to say.
Stop, it’s beneath you Ro.
Why do we have to knock one down to build another up is beyond me. So regressive.
I appreciate the sentiment but dislike the point.
Stop disgusting yourself with yourself and put the blame on the assjokes it belongs to. They are the ones who should be disgusted. Being a martyre victim is pointless and weak.
I know exactly where my disgust belongs and it’s not toward this one so let’s move on over ourselves love
There aren’t too many things more annoying than a wealthy person complaining about it.
#literallyfiledforbanckruptcytoday
I’m proud of my European heritage. There’s nothing wrong with being white, just like there’s nothing wrong with being black or any other color. It’ll be a cold day in Hell before I apologize for the color of my skin. As for privilege, my Arian complexion and blue eyes have not given me any breaks in life. My white family and friends work long and hard for what they have. White privilege? I don’t think so.
Thank you!
No disrespect, but your white skin has given you breaks in life. Whether you’ve used them appropriately is another matter, but you got them, and black people didn’t.
Any theory that generally makes people hate themselves for being who they are is intrinsically wrong.