Since I never watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, I have no idea who Amanda Stanton is beyond People Mag’s description of her as “the former Bachelor star.” Let’s go with that. Amanda is 29 years old and a mother of two girls, a five-year-old and seven-year-old. Neither daughter is sleep-trained, meaning they both sleep in Amanda’s bed every night instead of their own beds in their own bedrooms. Amanda thinks it’s fine because she slept in her own mother’s bed until she was 16.
Amanda Stanton is getting real about her daughters’ sleep schedule. The former Bachelor star, 29, revealed on her Instagram Story Tuesday that her daughters, 5-year-old Charlie and 7-year-old Kinsley, are not sleep trained.
“So, so many props to people who sleep train their kids when they’re like three months old, because mine are 5 and 7, and they’re still not sleep trained. And at this point, I don’t think they will ever be,” Stanton said in a video on her Story, on which she wrote, “Everyone’s shocked my kids still sleep with me….But I don’t really mind like 99 percent of the time, it’s fine if they sleep with me,” she continued with a shrug. “There are some nights where it would be nice if they slept in their own bed, but it is what it is.”
Nonetheless, it sounded like Stanton could be swayed to get her daughters into their own beds… someday.
“Any tips are welcome, though. Is it too late? Am I doomed?” she asked her followers, before admitting that she slept with her mom well into her teens. “And to be fair, I did sleep with my mom until I was like a senior in high school. So I think it just runs in the family, we’re a needy family, and that’s fine. Because even if they wanted to sleep in their own beds, I think I’d probably be begging them to come sleep with me.”
Stanton later shared a fan’s comment that said she and her seven sisters would all routinely pile into their parents’ bed. The mother of two responded by writing, “I always say we literally just need a one-bedroom apartment. Our house is four bedrooms and it’s just a waste of space.”
I used to think the co-sleeping thing was weird for kids older than, say, two or three. But I’ve softened about the issue, which is a raging one in the Mommy Wars. I used to feel like “sleeping in mom and dad’s bed” should be more of a special exception for kids past a certain age, like if they’ve had a rough day or been through some trauma or they’re scared of something. I’ve read more about co-sleeping though, and I think it’s just an individual judgment call for parents and every parent is different. Plus, I do think that once kids start going to school and start judging themselves against their peers, there will be a natural separation anyway, regardless of “sleep training” or whatever. All that being said… sleeping in your mom’s bed until you’re 16? At some point, it does become a bit much.
Photos courtesy of Instagram.
I want to – gently – remove those eyelashes.
I personally find it super weird, but our bedroom is off limits to the kids because it’s where my husband and I get to relax and be ourselves and not in parent mode, if that makes sense. Plus, y’know, it’s where we’re intimate. It’s our “safe space” for lack of a better word.
I slept with my mom for about two months when I was 8, after my parents divorced and we moved to a new town. It also meant that my sister and I had separate bedrooms for the first time, so suddenly I was in a room by myself – so it was kind of a transition to being by myself. I can’t imagine sleeping with my mom until I was in my late teens!
Ours is also off limits for that reason and we’ve never co slept besides the first few weeks of the newborn stage when you just fall asleep with the baby on you or whatever. I’m an extremely light sleeper though and even sleeping with my husband was a really hard transition where I needed ear plugs and we need a king sized so he’s not in my space and I can feel every movement. He still goes to the guest room if he’s too restless or hot because he knows it will keep me up. If my kids where to sleep in our bed I would never get sleep and that’s just not feasible.
I’d totally let my kids sleep with me forever. I don’t think it’s weird to extend cosleeping, bc you’re just sleeping. I don’t think it’s weird when parents want their own space either, just do what’s best for your family.
I do feel like my kids need to learn how to sleep alone for their young adult years when they move out. So far the transition hasn’t been an issue for my older kids.
Also, she has really pretty, glowing skin.
My son is 6, usually goes to sleep in his own bed and wakes up in mine about 50% of the time. It’s fine. He’s scared of the dark, but he’s slowly starting to peel away. I can see it. He is starting to understand why everyone needs their own beds, so that’s something. My 2 year old is actually pretty okay sleeping in her own bed and stopped sleeping in mine around 8 months old, but she was scared by the storms last night, so she came into my bed. Usually when this happens she’s there for 30 minutes and then asks to go back to hers, but this time she was there until the morning. It was sweet waking up next to her. 16 years old is a little much for every night, but I could see needing the comfort every n. Personally, I love seeing my kids become more independent. Sure it’s bittersweet, but being a parent is about raising human beings. It’s definitely a push/pull.
Meh, I had one that slept with me until age 12. I think the idea that everyone needs to sleep in a separate room is a 20th century middle class value that is being reevaluated. Just do what is best in each case and it’s not really a big deal.
I totally agree. It’s a very Western, middle class thing. My daughter is 3 and she still sleeps with me. She’ll move into her room when the time feels right to her. There are so many things to worry about with kids her age. I don’t think I need to worry about her sleeping arrangement.
Every child and every family arrangement is different… What works for one doesn’t necessarily appeal to another. Some parents can’t sleep comfortably with a child there next to them, some accept the “must learn to sleep alone” tradition, etc. Don’t be judgy and just do what feels right for your family. In my case, my ex and I divorced when my son was barely 2, and he and I co-slept till he was maybe 7 or so. I loved it and always slept better with him there,(though paradoxically I also slept more lightly because I knew he was there, if that makes sense lol) but I also knew he would outgrow it and so he did. Bittersweet.
Yep – do what works for your family. Both my kids started sleeping on their own all night after they turned 10 or so. They usually started on their own after story time in their beds, but by morning we would be a big cuddle pile. Lovely memories from this side of the empty nest!
I was friends with a girl who did this. I remember we finished out grade 9 and she was still doing it. I always thought that they had a very weird, very codependent relationship even without the sharing a bed part.
I think when it goes on THAT long, there’s probably at least some codependency there, although there are probably cultural aspects of it in some cases that I’m just ignorant of. But this was a middle class very white girl in a small rural area, so in her case it wasn’t a cultural thing.
I’m writing this while my nearly 2 year old son is still sleeping beside me, his 3 year old brother is in his own bed. Both my kids go to sleep in their own beds and if they do wake up and want mommy they are welcome in my bed. Most parents I know who cosleep say by the time they are school age their kids actually craved their own beds and their own space. I love my kids and I love snuggles with them, but seriously, after a certain point I think you really have to put your foot down. A teenager sleeping in their parents bed seems seriously unhealthy.
Even as a young kid, I loved having my own room, my own space. I can’t imagine being 16 and still doing that.
Now I have cats. You can’t tell them what to do, they sleep where they want!
I hear ya ! I didn’t get my own bedroom until senior year of high school. I LOVED it. My own closet, my own things how I want them !
16 years old is too old. We’d be having an entirely different conversation if Amanda were a guy. There comes a time when sons should NOT be sharing their mom’s bed. Anything over 12 is just inappropriate to me. That’s just weird codependency if a teenage son is still in his mom’s bed. And also if Amanda was sharing her mom’s bed, was her dad not around? I occasionally went into my parents’ room at night when I was little if I had a nightmare or if a thunderstorm scared me. But this stopped sometime around middle school.
Yeah the conversation would be different if she was sleeping in her dad’s bed at age 16 not her mom’s or if she was a guy.
Meh, we let our kids in the bed when they need it. They’re still young but if my kid need comfort and snuggles, I’m not going to deny them that. It would only be an issue if her kids weren’t functioning independently outside of the sleeping situation. Here’s my question though.. she’s divorced. Do the girls do this at dad’s house too? I’m assuming yes since she said she’s struggling with it at her place. Hopefully they’re on the same page so it’s not confusing for the girls.
Ps… I honestly can’t stand this woman but she does seem like a good mom who loves her kiddos. Don’t like that she uses them for ads but that’s a personal preference and doesn’t necessarily make her a bad mom
16 is too old. I guess it’s ok if you have girls but I only have boys. So yeah Moms and 16 year old boys really brings out the Oedipal complex doesn’t it?
My husband and I never let our kids sleep with us. I agree with the other posters. Our bedroom is our one private space in the house.
I still co-sleep with my 5 year old most nights. Our house has 5 bedrooms and my partner still co-sleeps with his child too. We only get his daughter on the weekends when hes not travelling for work and my son and I get up very early every day for work school. SO it works best if well all sleep in two separate rooms.
However, we are currently working on sleep training both kids. Eventually they will both stay in their own rooms and him and I will have “our” room back.
Everyone is different. Every situation is different. I don’t judge younger kids co-sleeping… but a 16 year old? That is a bit much.
I slept with my mom when I was in middle school. I’m an only child and she wasn’t married or had a boyfriend, so it was no big deal. Before that I slept in my own room and then at some point I went back to my room.
My youngest daughter likes to sleep with me when my hubby is out of town on business and vice versa…but honestly I don’t like it. She sleeps wild, is always right up against me radiating heat like crazy! I don’t like to cuddle and sleep on the edge of our king size bed. I turn constantly thru the night and need room! Well, I like to cuddle but not while sleeping. I’ll cuddle up to my husband for a bit but when I’m ready to fall asleep…I go to my edge of the bed.
My daughter was a great independent sleeper until at 2 years old when I put her in a bed. A mistake. She must have felt insecure in that bed and starting coming into our bed at night. For years I tried to stop it and think back at all the advise I read, all the techniques I tried, all the effort I put into it, only to have it maybe work short term but she always reverted back. Why did I try to get her to sleep on her own? Not because I minded her sleeping with me, because I didn’t. In fact only when she got to be a teen I worried how it might look and started putting her on the end and me in the middle so my husband wasn’t near her, but for only the reason of how it might be perceived by others. It was because others told me should sleep on her own. In the end we realized my daughter was struggling with anxiety her whole life. The funny thing is at about age 14 she just stopped wanting to sleep with us. A while after she was sleeping on her own my husband went on a short trip and I asked her if she wanted to sleep in my bed, she climbed in for a short time, and then told me she can’t sleep like this & went to her own bed. So in the end I caused much stress in the family over this for no good reason, quite frankly I never really stopped it anyway, and it naturally worked itself out as she matured.
OMG YES. My younger son went from crip (slept fine) like, to my bed. He could not have cared less about his bed, his bedroom.
I find it “weird” that parents would force their children to be alone at night.
I can understand parents wanting personal and private space, but as an only child of a single parent I can also see the other side. I didn’t sleep in my mother’s bed often, but sometimes, even as a teenager, I would sleep with my mom. I think there are a variety of reasons. Sometimes we would watch horror movies and night and I’d get scared or other nights I wanted to sleep in a bigger nicer bed. Sometimes I would ask to sleep in her room and we’d stay up talking for an hour or so. It’s not like as a teenager I would want to cuddle and it certainly didn’t feel weird or wrong in our household to sleep in the same bed.
To each their own!
Love this comment so much and same situations here in our house! ❤️
Totally agree with you! My parents got divorced when I was in high school so from 15 onwards it has always been just me and my mom and I slept in her bed from time to time. Years ago when I moved back in in my early twenties, going through the worst breakup and episode of depression of my life, I spent months laying next to my mom during the night just talking or watching films until I fell asleep. It’s a comfort I’ve always appreciated.
I think once you really get parents to open up, you find out a lot of kids sleep with their parents/in their parent’s room for much longer than is put out there as “normal”.
No co sleeping for this mom. I’m a terrible sleeper to begin with and if I had let either of our kids sleep with us I am sure I would’ve gone totally crazy from sleep deprivation. Our kids slept in their cribs in the own rooms from night one and I did it as much for us as I did for them. Our room is our room and theirs is theirs. They are always welcome to come to our bed if they have a bad dream or feel sick or just want a quick snuggle in the morning before we all get up… but there is a time limit. Our oldest has slept in our bed for maybe 6 hours total and she’s 5 and our 3 year old has probably spent a night or two total with us. And those have been painful hours for me as any little movement or noise wakes me up. Our family all does better sleeping apart. Now to convince my husband we need separate beds, too, LMAO
Every family should do what feels right but if my kids slept in our bed EVERY night until they were teenagers I would worry that they didn’t learn how to be alone. And adults who grow up without learning how to enjoy their own company end up in bad codependent relationships..just what i have seen.
My younger son is ASD and he slept in my bed (or at least in the same room) until he was 9. I used to joke that I was wasting money on rent for the bedroom that was never used. He’s high-functioning and when I told him after he turned 9 he would need his privacy and start sleeping in his own room. And he took to it really well, I like to think it’s because he wasn’t rushed. Of course, with the fact that he’s a boy and I’m a mother, it would be beyond inappropriate to go far past that unless the need was more severe. It drove my mom nuts, but honestly, I try very hard to let him do things on his time and not push too hard. Plus, now that he’s 12, I miss those snuggles. These days, he wouldn’t sleep in my bed with a gun to his head most likely LOL
I can’t talk. My 4 and 7 year olds sleep in my bed most nights. My husband works third shift, so I would sleep alone otherwise. I would like them to sleep in their own room, but I understand why they prefer my bed.
Ha, same here. My husband also works nights, and my 10 and 8 year olds would happily sleep in my bed every night. I figure they will outgrow it eventually…