Uzo Aduba of Orange is The New Black has one of those “How I Get it Done” profiles in The Cut which I always rave about. She’s fascinating and I really enjoyed her descriptions of her passions, which include cooking, entertaining and traveling. She’s been to every continent and wants to go to every country. She’s a runner and is about to do her third marathon for charity, but she’s open about how punishing that can be. After reading this I want to hang out with her, especially to taste her food. She just loves making food for people. Plus she loves going to the spa! My favorite part was when she said she talks to her mom every day.
On cooking and entertaining
I love cooking — I find it very calming and meditative. I also like the art form of it — of creating something that wasn’t in the room through the variety of ingredients coming together. I love, love, love hosting and feeding people, whether that’s through a dinner party or a charcuterie board. Since November, I’ve been working on a beautiful, formal sit-down party menu… It’s always ideal to make dishes you can prep before people come over because you don’t want to be busy cooking when they’re there.On being herself and having a career
I think a huge thing Orange Is the New Black gave me is the confidence and the knowledge that there was a place for me in this space. And, as long as I continue to be myself, this place will exist. I think in this business, that is the adversity: this fear that you are not enough, or that you have to change yourself dramatically to be enough. The fact of the matter is that Orange gave such a space to me and my castmates that it made me realize, No, this is what I’m supposed to be doing. As long as you hold true to yourself, there’s always going to be someone who sees that. It might not be everybody, but you have to keep going as you.She loves traveling
Since I was a teen, I’ve had three travel goals: to go to every continent, to go to every country, and to go to every state in the United States. Last year, I tackled the first one when I went to Antarctica, making me part of the 7 percent of people who have gone to every continent. Now my goal is every country — Egypt is at the top of my list, followed by the Seychelles, New Zealand, and Morocco. I also really want to go to Kilimanjaro.What she does at night
After dinner, I’ll watch garbage TV — maybe Real Housewives. I used to read a lot before bed, but I haven’t lately because I’ve been reading scripts. I’ll also usually call someone in my family before going to bed. Maybe my mom. I talk to my mom everyday.
I really like what she said about being true to herself and authentic, which must be doubly hard in her profession. “As long as you hold true to yourself, there’s always going to be someone who sees that… you have to keep going as you.”
My ex brother-in-law has been to every continent and I think he’s been to most countries. He actually works a regular job, he doesn’t just travel, but when he has time off he travels very purposefully (he’s German). As for how often she talks to her mom, I should do that. I talk to my mom about three to four times a week. I mentioned before that she used to live nearby and that she moved away a year ago. My ex bought us all Amazon Alexa devices so we can video chat and that makes it nicer. Plus my mom and I have a standing date once a week when we talk no matter what. I miss hanging out with my mom! *insert crying emoji*
Photos credit: WENN, Avalon.red and Getty
I rarely talk to my mom but we email daily.
I envy people who have that kind of close relationship with parents. Not everyone is so lucky.
Yup. My mom is an abusive and manipulative bitch. It took me 42 years to understand that all of her life’s problems, and all my family’s issues, were not my fault. And that realisation made me think back to my entire childhood and all of the emotional abuse – and so with the help of an awesome psychologist I had the courage to block her. I may talk to her again but not for a looooong while.
I love her. I love that she uses cooking to decompress and I love that she has a travel bucket list.
She just strikes me as a really well-rounded, thoughtful person–someone I’d like to be friends with.
My mom and I email every day. A lot of times it’s just inane chit-chat about the trivial things in our lives but occasionally it gets heavy. She tries not to talk about Trump too much because it upsets her. I guess that’s the privilege of being an old white woman living out her golden years in a cozy suburb in blue Massachusetts.
I really need to be less of a ghost with my family. I’ll go a while between talking to any of them. Partially because chronic pain life makes me exhausted… partially because we all know how to push each others buttons haha. Husband will at least send a text or two a day to his mom, but I’ve never been the kind of person who’s good at keeping in touch, or who’s super tight knit with family. I love them. But I’m just someone who likes to kind of have their own, alone, down time. It’s the ma’s bday today though, so I’ll see them all tonight.
Also – completely unrelated – get yourself on some form of distillery / vineyard / beer tour when you make it to NS, Kitten. We’ve got some really great places all through the province. Keith’s is a pretty big beer supplier around here – it’s nothing groundbreaking but the tour is fantastic. You’ll get to walk along tunnels from the 1800’s where Alexander Keith had an underground passage from his first brewery to his house.
When my brother died suddenly, I spoke to my parents every day. My mom died 5 years ago and I do miss talking with her. She was a good sounding board.
Stellainnh – This happened to me too! My brother died suddenly, and it was devastating to my family. It changed my relationship with my parents. I started talking to them everyday, and I still do, though my brother passed about 10 years ago, and my dad about 3 years ago now.
My mom and I “check in” daily. We both know if the other person is busy, it might not happen, but I like to hear her voice, and she says the same about hearing mine. It rarely is a long (usually 10 mins or less) convo, just a, “hey, how are you?” type of thing.
I know what you mean. I talked to my mom multiple times during the day. She died four years ago. Today is my birthday and she would’ve sang me happy birthday today.
Happy Birthday!
I love talking to my mom. Now that she has started texting it’s great! We talk at least once a week.
Never, since my mom is a narcissist. I wish it were different for me. For those of you with close relationships with your mothers – count your blessings.
My mom is gone now but she was an alcoholic when she was alive. We’d talk a few times a year; one of those times being 2-3 days after my birthday when she’d call to say she hadn’t forgotten my birthday and then tell the story of my birth and how difficult it was for her.
That is terrible! How were you able to manage growing up without a supportive mother?
@Claire – Yeah, my mom too. She also suffers from a host of mental and medical issues so I can relate. She stayed with my abusive father until a year ago and things have started to turn around. I won’t ever trust her or be completely open with her but leaving my father was really hard and I’m trying to be supportive of this huge positive decision. It helps that we live thousands of miles away but we text every day now. I found that I can keep her at a distance but have some kind of relationship with her. It is far from the relationship I have with my kids but it is a start. I hope someday your own mother will realize how important it is too, it only took my mom 40 years.
Cheers.
Wow, that gives me a little glimmer of hope too. Probably because of my own healing journey, I recently realized how abusive my dad is to my mom, which doesn’t excuse her abusive behavior, but gives a little clarity maybe as to why? I’m still trying to find a way for her not to be as bad as she probably really is. I live far away, and am super busy, so it’s easy to not talk, but I am not sure if or when it every will be safe to be honest and open. I have basically all or nothing sharing valves. Makes it hard to have generic relationships with abusive family members. TMI. But frankly it’s somehow comforting that I’m not alone in not being able to have a close relationship with my mom, and am proud of myself for figuring that out and setting boundaries for myself.
@ Claire, you said everything I feel. I started to cry typing this but it’s true. I will NEVER be close with my mother. For those of you that have a close relationship with your mom, treasure it. You will never know that void that is felt when you don’t.
@Renee *hug* I feel that void every day – you are not alone. People who have not been through what we have truly will never understand. And I am glad for that because it is the worst feeling in the world.
*Hugs* to you too Claire.
hear, hear, Claire & all. massive hugs to motherless daughters everywhere from one of you.
Me too Clair and all. I wish things were different but it is what it is. Took me 43 years to get to this point. Hugs to you all.
I love Uzo, she’s so talented, and seems like a wonderful person.
I talk to my mom at least once a day, usually more. We have a little side business together, so a lot of it is about that, but I’d probably talk to her that much anyway.
That’s great. I wish I could have that kind of closeness with mine and I feel endlessly guilty that I don’t. I’ve established an emotional distance to preserve my sanity and while I regret it sometimes, I haven’t tried to change anything. And now that I have kids of my own I feel like karma will likely come back to me someday as they may barely tolerate me, too. Sigh.
It is nice to hear about people having good relationships with their moms, though, warms my heart.
If it helps, my mom did NOT have a good relationship with her own mother. She broke the cycle with her own kids, and I’m sure you will do the same. If you need the distance for your sanity, you need it . That’s OK. It’ll help your own kids, and that the relationship you have to focus on now.
My Mom used to live with me so by default we saw and spoke to each other everyday. She was my best friend. She now lives in assisted living and I speak with 2-3 times a week. It was weird not talking to her everyday at first but we have gotten into a routine. I see her once a week usually on weekends. But I miss that closeness we used to have. Hopefully she will be moving back in with us sometime in the future.
Daily because she’s checking on her aunt who lives with me.
My mom and I had a very tumultuous relationship when I was a teenager and in my early 20s. She suffered from depression and was not easy to be around but after nearly 30 years of battling depression she is in remission (the medical term not my own language) and now we have a wonderful relationship and talk daily. Big hugs and love to those who have lost their Mothers and to those whose Mothers let them done 🙂
This spoke to me. I’m typing with my right hand and holding my father’s hand on his deathbed with my left one. Provided you have a good relationship, don’t hesitate to just call and speak for a few minutes. Precious moments.
Oh, Mel, sending love and support.
Love and support your way.
I talk to my mom on the phone every day if I can, if not we text. I’m 26 and we’ve always been super close–I live about 1,000 miles away from her but even if we lived closed we would talk the same amount. Love my mom and love hearing about when people are close to their moms.
Mel – One million hugs to you!!! You are giving your father an amazing gift of being with him while he passes! Tons of love and good thoughts coming your way. <3
Sending you and your Dad love and light at this time. May his onward journey be peaceful and may you be comforted whenever you need it.
Bless you both. What a journey
Mel … XO Stay strong lovely. We all go through it, losing someone we love. It is, in an odd, strange way, a gift to be there. XO XO XO
I live next door to my parents and we see them just about every weekend. She calls me every day, just about. I don’t call people.
I’d love to go to one of Uzo’s dinner parties. She seems so classy and sophisticated, unlike myself. I love to travel, but don’t get to very much with kids and work. I will say I’m not interested in going to Antarctica.
For me, cooking involves trying new Pinterest recipes my kids turn their noses up at.
I talk with my Mom and Dad every single day and see them a lot. They were the same way with their parents.
I’m really lucky to be from the family I am.
Me too and me too!
Same here – I know it’s not that common and I’m very fortunate.
I speak to my mom everyday (sometimes multiple times a day) she also lives 5 min away so we see each other at least twice a week.
I talk to my mom everyday too. Hell, we live only six blocks from one another. Sure, we do fight and drive each other crazy at times, but I know my mom always has my back.
I wish I had a mom in my life. I have mother figures, but it’s not the same. I don’t even remember my mother, I was little when she died.
So sorry paranormalgirl *hugs*
I’m sorry. ☹️ That’s got to be so hard.
I talked to my mom on the phone a few times a day. She died in 2013. I still miss those calls.
Awww *hugs*
It depends what’s going on in our lives. If one of us is in a rough patch we end up on the phone at least once a day. If things are going smoothly it’s more like a few times a week, just to check in and chat. My mother had me very young and is estranged from her very dysfunctional family. She raised me alone while navigating her PTSD and we often joke that we grew up together. She did the very best she could with almost no resources and I’m so proud to be her daughter. In the past our relationship has bordered on codependent. Moving away for college was ROUGH on both of us, she was proud of me but her abandonment issues were painful, and I was a fish out of water at a highly ranked university, self-conscious of my background and pushing her away as a coping mechanism. With time we’ve pulled through it and I’d say our relationship now is more interdependent than codependent.
My mom and I communicate almost daily, but we really only talk on the phone once every week or so. But we text and email all the time. The issue with the phone with my mom is that she is a TALKER – we never just talk for 5 minutes – I need to carve out 2 hours for the convo, lol.
After I got married, I moved 45 minutes away from my parents. I spoke to my Mom daily. After my father died, we spoke 2 times a day.
Now she lives with us, so I speak to her all the time. She is my best friend.
I haven’t spoken to my mom in over 7 years. I don’t make time for narcissists.
I speak with my mother a couple times a week. I thought she was so awful in my teens and early 20s but now in my 30s she’s my most valued friend. She not only lets me vent about stuff, she wants to hear it and validates my frustrations. But she’s always had a short patience for crying, lol, that’s one gripe I still have. I know crying doesn’t solve the problem. Mom, but sometimes it helps me feel better and clears my focus. But yeah I love my mother, she’s tough as nails.
Hugs, Mel. And peace to you and your family.
I talk to my parents daily. My mom is my best friend and now that my parents are older, I realized how precious my time with them is. My entire family does a big family trip once a year. It’s very hectic, but always fun.
I talked to my mom every day and that was one of the hardest things I had to let go of, after she passed away. I have a standing once a week call with my dad, though.
I talk to my Mama every day and sometimes multiple times a day. She is my best person friend and loves me unconditionally. I realise I am lucky though! I know that my Mama a soulmate and I know she feels the same way.
I have a complicated relationship with my biological father. He left before I was born and I didn’t meet him until I was 17. (To my mothers credit she didn’t badmouth him when I was growing up). I struggle with envy towards people who feel loved by their fathers and are close to them.
I kinda think that’s life though. We struggle when we feel rejected and we are lucky to love and be loved in return.
Daily. Sometimes more.
We whatsapp/threema each otehr all day, and I visit her at least once a week, sometimes twice (we go out to eat etc). We do shopping trips to France on weekends regularly through the year.
Before smartphones it was google chat or emails, that is, once I wasnt living in the same place with her anyway.
This will sound trivial after all these thoughtful comments about your parents, but…
it’s frightening to imagine visiting EVERY country. Kudos to her for having & harnessing such an adventurous spirit.
Really? Why do you say that?
I’m guessing because *every country* includes some incredibly dangerous countries, in which there are very high rates of kidnapping of Westerners by terrorists or other groups.
Yes, I agree. I am very adventurous and would love to travel to different countries but not all. Some would be too dangerous imo.
I think it’s important to remember that conflict sometimes just inflicts a few cities in a country. For example I’m from Northern Iraq (KRG) and it is INCREDIBLY safe for westerners to travel in and locals love foreigners so you’ll be treated like royalty even though there are parts of Iraq that are still unsafe. Same is true for countries like Syria, Iran, and other conflict torn countries.
I love this, Niaa! I was just about to type the same thing. (Not about specifically Iraq though. How cool you are from there! I have a number of friends from your part of the world! <3 ) I've lived in a few places that some governments would consider "dangerous", but it's usually the governments on government issues, and not something that affects me at the local level. But the key seems to be listen to locals and follow their advice. I've been grateful to experience amazing hospitality in places too many people miss visiting!
Sorry, it wouldn’t let me respond to your response to my first note. I was just about to type what Niaa says below. It’s not very likely that there are very many countries literally “incredibly dangerous”. Just don’t read what it says online, or follow travel advisories. Trust what locals tell you. And follow your heart. It’s okay if someone is not interested in traveling, but for someone who would like to explore, there’s almost always a safe way to visit. (And as I’m sure you know, travel is a fantastic way to open horizons and change our world for the better!)
I honestly believe you find love where you find love. I am one of those with tricky, tricksy parents and a great therapist. XO
Do you mind saying more? Do you mean the therapist helps you find love in your child-parent relationships, or did you mean something else? I’m learning a lot from this thread!
@ Bree … the therapist helps me to realize my parents are just humans. They love me, but they can’t help me be the happiest, most successful version of me. They just aren’t capable. So I love them, but I limit my time with my Mom, (my Dad has passed away). My parents are/were living their lives, it is my job to live mine. Some people are so, so, so lucky to have great relationships with their parents. I wish I did, but I don’t.
The therapist also helps with life in general. Honestly, every adult human should have one!!!!! What’s not to love about someone who is always in your court, helping you to navigate tricky things???
Thanks for the deeper story, Pineapple! That’s an amazing place to arrive at. i start therapy next week (first time in a while) and I’m aiming to end up where you are! what an inspiration!!
My mom & I text each other every single day & talk on the phone maybe every couple weeks or so. I understand what a privilege it is for me to have that kind of relationship with a parent. Thinking of you all who have had a difficult time. ❤
Once or twice a day is plenty for me, but my mum likes to talk multiple times a day, usually while she’s working on something else. It can be annoying sometimes, but I go with it. I might well miss it when it ain’t happening anymore.
I talked to my mom most days before she passed 5 years ago. I miss her desperately. I dream about her almost every night. We were very close and what I wouldn’t give for some advice on motherhood.
Does everyone seriously talk to their parents every day or is it just oversampling of responses to this type of thread? I mean I talk to her every other day or every third day. When I was younger it was more like every two weeks! We are close, too although she is not my top confidant or “best friend.”
Every day. Multiple times a day.
I talk to my mom every day on my way home from work — and I talk to her on the weekends as well. Occasionally, we’ll miss a day, but not often. And we always talk for an hour or so. I know the day is going to come when I don’t get to talk to her, so I make sure to talk to her often now.
My mom’s mother died when I was only 10 months old. My mom has talked about how she misses having her mother around for certain life milestones. I feel very fortunate to have such a good relationship with my parents.
In the 90s, before cell phones were ubiquitous, I only talked to my parents on Saturdays – since the weekends were when long distance was free.
I love her and everything she says here. That was one of the things I loved about OITNB (one of the only shows I’ve ever watched start to finish lol). It created a space for such an amazing range of actors. Piper I could barely tolerate but I just loved the variety of people, some of whom most likely had to struggle to find gigs, had such an opportunity to shine and I loved it. Also, my mom grates on my nerves but I love her, and yeah, we talk three or four times a week or at least message on Facebook.
My mum and I text nearly every day, and I FaceTime my parents every Saturday and Sunday. I moved to a different continent 9 years ago, so there’s about 5,000 miles between us. I was actually just on holidays with my parents and husband last week- halfway through our travel back to Canada my brother had a medical emergency and my parents can’t get home until tomorrow, so I flew back to my home country to be with him. I’m flying back to Canada on Friday and it’s going to be really hard to go back. I’m really close to my family, miss them a lot and hate the physical distance between us. It gets harder every time I leave 🙁