Antoni Porowski: Food is how you say I love you, it’s how you say I’m sorry

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The Queer Eye guys are dominating bookstores this year, Almost all of them have come out with books in 2019: Tan France has a memoir, Naturally Tan, Karamo Brown has a memoir/self-help book, Karamo: My Story of Embracing Purpose, Healing and Hope and Jonathan Van Ness’ memoir, Over the Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love, comes out next week. I assume Bobby Berk is too busy working to write a book. The food guy on the show, Antoni Porowski, released a cookbook earlier this month called Antoni in the Kitchen. In addition to recipes, Antoni said he used the book as sort of his memoir, telling about his coming out story, how he reconnected with his Polish background, etc. The reason he chose this format isn’t just a gimmick, though. Antoni said that food is his Love Language and it’s how he communicates with those he encounters:

The part in which Antoni and Trevor Noah talk about food as his love language is right at the beginning, around the 00:40 mark:

On (Queer Eye) you connect people with their food. Something that has been a disconnect in America… where people go, ‘oh, it’s just food,’ and you go, ‘no, food is more special than we think it is.’ Why?

I think it’s so much more than that. I mean, it’s how you say, ‘I love you,’ it’s how you say, ‘I’m sorry.’ It connects you to your roots, where you came from. It’s how you meet new friends, like you came over. It’s the medium for me for everything. It’s my love language. It’s a messed up world, like, it’s a really messed up world and I think it’s an incredible opportunity to just connect with other people, and break bread and have conversations.

I haven’t read Antoni’s cookbook yet but based on this interview, I think I will. I agree that food and it’s preparation is one of the best ways to connect to learn about a culture. Antoni said later in the interview that although the book is not truly technical, he does discuss technique in the context of how and when he learned why food is prepared a certain way. The example he used was preparing risotto and that he just learned not to stir it vigorously but fold it so as not to break down the Arborio rice. I make risotto a lot and I never knew to fold it or why. And I wholeheartedly agree with conversations happening when you come together for a meal. The breakfast/dinner table is my mainline to my teenagers these days. I get what he’s saying about saying I love you with food. I make certain dishes when I want to send an emotional message. My love language is acts of service so for me, cooking falls in that category. I think most people who know me understand that.

Antoni and Trevor talk a lot about how personal the book is and the ways in which Antoni connects the stories to the food. It sounded reminiscent of the opening chapter to Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential (which is memoir, not a cookbook). Bourdain’s description of how he came to love food hooked me from the start, I felt like I was with him on his journey throughout the book. Antoni’s discussion on his book also reminds me of one of the restaurants in which I waited tables. Each month, a different state was highlighted. At the start of the month, the chef would explain the four specials by how they connected to that state. The chef was a cranky, emotionally unpredictable artist, like most chefs, but I’ll never forget the month we highlighted Michigan, which is where he grew up. He gave this lovely, wistful recollection of fly fishing with his dad and described the sights, sounds and smells around him. He spoke about that being the time he and his dad truly opened up and got to know each other. I was so emotional by the end of his talk that I came back with my roommate after my shift to order the walleye – and I loathe eating fish of any kind. So if Antoni is looking to connect me to his recipes in that way, I’m here for it. I’m not a great cook, but I do love the connections food gives us.

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Photo credit: WENN Photo and Amazon

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14 Responses to “Antoni Porowski: Food is how you say I love you, it’s how you say I’m sorry”

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  1. jules says:

    This is so true. When my boyfriend and I have an argument, we cook together and resolve our issues and talk it out together while making a great meal. By the time were finished cooking, things are 90% of the time ready for a lovely sit down dinner. And it’s also what we do to say I love you. Either way, there are always lots of dishes to be done in our house.

  2. Rapunzel says:

    Interesting that Bobby hasn’t done a book. His story seems so interesting.

  3. Bebe says:

    I can’t stand him! I adore every other castmate and feel like Antoni is such a waste of airtime, comparatively. He is always going on and on about the importance of food and then will make, like, guacamole or something ANYONE could make. That’s all I have to add. Ahaha.

  4. escondista says:

    He’s so darn boyish and cute but he really seems like the weakest link of the show. I’d also love to hear more from Bobby!

  5. Lizzie says:

    food is my dad’s love language. but it goes both ways. he uses food to say “i’m sorry” and “I love you” but sometimes if you are simply not hungry he interprets it as “you’re not forgiven” and “i don’t love you” and it is hard to navigate. in fact – after 45 years of marriage – my mom and dad do a sick, dysfunctional dance of him trying to cook for her and her NEVER being hungry or wanting whatever he makes. she literally tortures him by eating cereal after he offers to cook for her.

  6. (TheOG)@Jan90067 says:

    Food has always been “love” in our home (could be why I had a big weight problem! lol). But some of my best memories is learning to cook all of our family “specialties” with my mother and grandmother.

    I remember asking my grandmother how much salt to add to something, and she said, “A bissel (Yiddish for “a little bit”). “Grandma, how much is a “bissel”? She’d pour it out in her hand, take mine, and pour it into my hand and say, “See? A bissel”, and then we’d pour it into the dish together. Then she kissed my forehead and said, “And now you know, a bissel” 😊 (Now I’m getting all fermished (choked up in Yiddish) thinking about her 😊

    It gives me so much joy to prepare these foods. I just made kreplach (basically Jewish “dumplings”) for Rosh Hashanah, one of “our” New Year’s staples, and it is a LOT of work! Cooking for the family, esp. at holidays, making the foods that were our family’s tradition… When I do these now (my mom and grandmother are gone), I do it with the love I learned from them. ❤️

  7. amayson1977 says:

    I agree with him about food and cooking being an act of love. I love the whole process, and I love watching people enjoy the things I’ve made. Cooking is a gift I give because I love you. In fact, we’re in Houston and having a bad weather day (kids’ school district closed yesterday and today, and I’m working from home) and I just took out butter and eggs to make cinnamon sugar cookies this afternoon, partly from boredom, partly to make the house smell nice, and partly to bring some over to the neighbors later. Okay, and also because I love warm cookies! Cheers to the makers (and the eaters!)

  8. Joanna says:

    I love this show! Karamo is so sexy, his gorgeous eyes and those cheekbones, mmmm! And his ability to reach people’s deepest emotions is amazing! Antoni is very attractive in that guy next door way.