I feel the same way about Annette Roque that I felt about Georgina Chapman. Both women were married to abusive predators, and both men used their marriages as cover for their behavior and crimes. I’m sure both women were victims of their predator husbands in various ways. But… their stories shouldn’t be the focus? The situations are different, for sure, and I’m actually quite sure that Roque was trying to get away from Lauer for years and years before she finally escaped. But do we need Roque to become “the sympathetic victim” on magazine covers right at this moment? No. We don’t. But that’s what’s happening.
Throughout the very public demise of her marriage to Matt Lauer, Annette Roque remained tight-lipped and poised. But now as new and shocking rape accusations are being leveled at her ex, sources exclusively reveal in the new issue of Us Weekly that the former model lived through torment during their 20-plus-year union.
“Annette wanted out of the marriage for a long time,” says an insider. “She stayed for Matt’s career — and, more important, for their kids,” Jack, 18, Romy, 16, and Thijs, 12. But in the last five years, especially after Lauer, 61, was fired by NBC amid sexual misconduct allegations in 2017, “she’s been through hell.” For starters, the disgraced Today host’s extramarital affairs played a negative role in their long relationship. “There were cracks in the marriage from very early on. Matt has always been a ladies’ man, and there were affairs in the beginning.” When he promised to change, Roque “chose to believe Matt’s denials,” says the insider.
Living with Lauer wasn’t easy for the Netherlands native, 52, either. “Matt’s a total control freak,” says another source, not to mention a neat freak. “Nothing was ever out of place, and he expected this same quality in his wife too.”
Following the new claim — that Lauer allegedly raped his former NBC News colleague Brooke Nevils in her hotel room while they were covering the 2014 Sochi Olympics — Roque broke her silence for the first time, saying that her children were her priority. And in light of the most recent headlines, she has no regrets. The first insider adds: “Annette knew she made the best decision for herself and the kids by filing for divorce.”
“Matt’s a total control freak…Nothing was ever out of place, and he expected this same quality in his wife too.” That gave me a chill. Sleeping with the Enemy vibes, right? As I said, I’m sure Annette has had a terrible time and good for her for finally escaping a marriage that seemed toxic and emotionally abusive. But, again, the focus should be on Lauer’s actions, his behavior and the men who helped him get away with it for so long. The need to make Roque sympathetic and put her as “the humanizing story” at the center of this is kind of awful? You know who needs sympathy? All of the women Matt Lauer raped, assaulted, abused, harassed and destroyed professionally.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I feel more for Annette. Men like this don’t leave the people around them better off.
There were some small rumours about Lauer, but nothing so loud as Weinstein.
I wish the article was done better, as Kaiser mentioned, Annette may be a victim, may be his longest suffering victim, but she is not nearly the only one.
The big difference is that Weinstein used his power to advance Georgina’s career while simultaneously abusing women. I find it easier to believe that Chapman looked the other way about a ton of shit because it was advantageous for Marchesa. Annette just seems like another wife who didn’t want to believe that she could be married to a monster. And now to find out that he wasn’t just a sleaze but a rapist? Ugh, yeah, I do feel for her. Not as much as Nevils, but yeah, Annette is part of his collateral damage and I don’t have a problem extending sympathy to her.
Married with three kids to a monster.
Same here, I feel a lot of sympathy for Annette. That was surely a marriage filled with abuse and a very big power imbalance.
And I agree about the Marchesa stuff too.
I don’t know enough about Lauer’s wife, but I do feel like Georgina made a deal w the devil to sell her god awful dresses. I remember thinking way back like, the emperor’s new clothes, does no one see how ugly these dress are? why are all these stars wearing them? and now we know, and so did she then I bet…
Yes Marchesa just got promoted by the press overnight. That was surprising. I remember when US Weekly started labeling that company’s name on the dresses the women wore. She was complicit. Annette not so much.
She WAS going to leave him years ago. The talk at the time was that he offered her a HUGE bump in the pre-nup to stay for his reputation/career. She stayed.
Sorry.. not much sympathy for HER.
But ALL of the sympathy for those three kids. THEY have to live with this being played out in public.
Nope, no sympathy for her. She got paid. If their home life was so unhappy, maybe she should have reconsidered bringing children into it.
I think everyone is allowed to tell their story, and that’s ok. She was manipulated by him too, and the pain of others doesn’t invalidate hers, and vice versa. I feel for her, and I’m happy for her and her kids, that Matt is out.
Well said
Exactly! It’s not an either or. Lauer victimized women. All of his victims deserve to tell their stories.
EXACTLY. Her grief is complicated. She is a victim, and also bears the guilt of knowing her continued support of him as his “loving wife” enabled him. That’s brutal.
For real. We have enough sympathy to go around. It is not a competition.
Well said, and I think Annette deserves to be recognized as a victim just as much as any other. Those of us in abusive, psychologically devastating marriages know that you will make many decisions based on protecting your kids and your own mental health (even if it means denial, a real thing) and it seems this is what she did. Why the marginalization of her pain and experience? There’s no score-card to tally here. She’s allowed her pain and to continue to try and tell her story as well as protect herself and her children. I’m disappointed with the tone of this story and the story on Harry’s trauma surrounding his mother’s death. It’s a refutation of the effect of trauma; quantifiable (if we believe in that, through the bias of “news” or “media”) isn’t what the point is in these stories, it’s what the victims feel and share that is the point.
Wanton agree 100%. well said!
There were rumors for years before the scandal broke that he was unfaithful, and that she had threatened divorce. I always found it odd that she stuck with him, but I do not dismiss the possibility or even likelihood that she was abused, psychologically or otherwise. But I agree, she should not be the focus and it’s kind of gross to make her the cover story.
Agreed. This feeds into the Madonna/whore way of looking at the women abused by men. She has suffered, and she has a right to tell her story, but media wants to cover it because this is the woman people want to believe suffered. Their is a bias against the women that he destroyed professionally because we are encouraged to believe that they made a choice to be near him. Sick, sick, sick.
The long suffering, model ex wife is easier to write about.
She withdrew her first petition because he paid her a lot of money and bought that horse farm for her.
I’m sure she’s under a gag order and can’t say anything even if she wanted to.
Annette at one point filed for divorce, and from what I recall when she rescinded the filing she ended up essentially was only his wife in name only – it was the trade off for being able to keep up her Hamptons horse show life and he could sell himself as the family man. I have no doubt that he was awful, but as said in the text above, there are distinct similarities to the Georgina Chapman situation. While I have sympathy for her, she also knowingly made a trade off in order to keep up her lifestyle.
The older I get, and the longer I remain married, the less convinced I am by the “wanted to maintain her lifestyle” excuse. For one thing, it’s not like she was ever going to have to give that up; the Hamptons are littered with wealthy divorcees. No prenup on earth would leave the mother of 3 kids empty handed after 15 years.
The truth is, people stay in bad marriages for complicated reasons. Many of them, from the outside and even in retrospect, are dumb. How many people do we all know that stay together “for the kids,” like it isn’t incredibly damaging to raise children in a home with parents who model hostility and resentment? One of my best friends took her shitbag husband back after months of terrible behavior because she just couldn’t bear to be alone and was convinced she’d be alone forever if she didn’t get him back. It was completely irrational. Annette didn’t want to believe she was married to a monster. She didn’t want to face the embarrassment of a divorce and the attendant airing of all the dirty laundry. And she was quite reasonably afraid of Lauer. Look, we all know, now, that he’s a psychopath. I’ll bet she’s known for a long time. Do you really want to judge the woman who slept next to this monster at night?
That’s very thoughtful TQB. I was going back and forth, but this post kind of landed me. You’re right.
Yes. Power and control. That’s what Lauer is all about. Women are playthings in both the personal and professional sense. Roque and her kids have a lot of healing to do along with all of those women he played mind games with and raped.
And there are many, many more just like him.
He also didn’t bat an eye at destroying the careers of women around him, I would imagine he threatened to implode her life too.
Amen!! Very well said indeed.
I also have the unfortunate experience of sleeping with the enemy for a long time before realizing the scary truth about who they were..
He is obviously a master manipulator, likely an emotional and physiological abuser (likely sexual and physical too) and couple that with a healthy dose of denial…..15 years are STOLEN from you. It’s a very slow and insidious drip. It sucks so so bad.
Well said, and I think Annette deserves to be recognized as a victim just as much as any other. Those of us in abusive, psychologically devastating marriages know that you will make many decisions based on protecting your kids and your own mental health (even if it means denial, a real thing) and it seems this is what she did. Why the marginalization of her pain and experience? There’s no score-card to tally here. She’s allowed her pain and to continue to try and tell her story as well as protect herself and her children. I’m disappointed with the tone of this story and the story on Harry’s trauma surrounding his mother’s death. It’s a refutation of the effect of trauma; quantifiable (if we believe in that, through the bias of “news” or “media”) isn’t what the point is in these stories, it’s what the victims feel and share that is the point.
Thank you for sharing this. You nailed it perfectly.
My sympathy for her is minimal. Mainly because she stayed because of the lifestyle she was afforded by being his wife. I don’t have a ton of sympathy for that.
Yea, this article seems to stay two things… that he’s a monster and she lived through torment, yet she stayed for the kids and his career. Why would this be good for their kids to be around a monster? It seems she was more concerned about social status and money. I’m sure she has connections to a good lawyer. I mean, Katie Holmes got out of a freakin’ cult.
That’s the standard? Katie Holmes left a guy that most people believe to be a nut and she STILL had to run a sting operation to do it. Before he got fired, Lauer was still one of the most powerful and well-respected journalists in the country. LOOK AT WHAT HE DID TO ANN CURRY, ON TV, WHILE WE ALL WATCHED. Who would have believed Annette? I’m sure you aren’t judging Nevils for continuing the affair with him, why is blaming Annette for staying different?
TQB, I wish more people could process this like you have, but women aren’t trusted by men and we are trained to not trust each other.
@Christina You are so right. Sexism is so far internalized… It’s sad.
Being married to currently (and trying to divorce) a not very nice person, I can tell you that a. It is very hard to prove these kinds of people aren’t nice to people on the outside b. divorcing them is a hellish process c. staying for the kids means you are there for your children 24/7 instead of only 50 percent of the time and have much more control over what the kids see and do and with whom they spend time with. Choosing to stay with a sociopath is NOT about lifestyle… (riding horses is therapeutic).
I think that is deeply unfair to say. She would have been (and will be) wealthy with her divorce settlement.
She had three young children and her husband was one of the most influential journalist in the country. She put in her filing that he was obsessive, intimidating, etc. so I find it much more likely that wha the threatened to put her through, the publicity of the divorce, wasn’t worth it when they could just live separately. Don’t discount the manipulation predators use on their wives, even if they’re not abusing them.
Manipulation, and isolation – was she surrounded by a network of people who saw him for who really was, and would have supported her? Or was it all to easy for him to convince her that everyone would take his side and she would be a pariah if she told the truth? He was a powerful and well-respected man, who’s gonna believe his spoiled ex-model wife who just wants to bring a good man down?
Wow, you need to read up on psychological abuse. You have no clue.
By the way, pretty sure she would’ve continued her wealthy lifestyle with an earlier exit.
My question about both roque and Chapman is how come they finally got out when the news broke? Did the news breaking afford them some kind of protection they didn’t have before? A way Out? More sympathy? Did they know their husbands couldn’t abuse them when the world was watching? I genuinely don’t know the answer because neither men suddenly became different people after the story broke.
Most likely because then the threats against them never being able to get custody of their children etc were much less believable/ credible. So many women stay because the abusive men threaten to take the children, harm the children, restrict their access to their children etc. it’s the most effective tool they have and they know it.
Exactly! One of the reasons women stay is to be able to better protect their children.
Exactly.
My ex’s dad was a judge in family court with a name everyone in the court system knew. I stayed as close as I could because he was dangerous and kept threatening to destroy my career and take my kid. And he’s close to powerful people in law enforcement. His entertainment business connections and law enforcement and judiciary connections gave the ex a veneer of legitimacy that made people “other side” our situation. It was ALL HIM. He did take our kid. I didn’t think he’d hit her, but he tortured her when he took her away and knock her out cold. My career survived his phone calls and online postings about me, but it’s stalled since I had to fight for 11 years in court.
Kid is stable and in college now. I’m still a bit of a wreak. He just wrote us some letters. Going to report a DVRO violation today after work, as a matter of fact. He’s in jail for stealing, but likes to remind us that he is never going away even with an 80-year DVRO. Local police know how nuts he is NOW, just like we all know about Lauer NOW, so I’m hoping that nothing happens or that they get to us in time if something does happen.
THAT’S why wealthy women stay. I’m not wealthy, and I grew up poor, but I have a good job and a middle class life in an expensive part of the country. And I was not married to him.
@christina – that’s such a nightmare and so, so common. Good for you for fighting for you child and I’m sorry it came at such a steep personal cost.
Yes! A thousand times yes! Her motives weren’t questioned! She’s the beleaguered, humiliated spouse instead of the money-grubbing B-word who’s trying to “smear” someone’s good name. She was BELIEVED.
I am truly shocked by all these people who can’t understand the fear this woman must have felt before he was exposed. Who would have believed her?
TQB, no one believed me. For years. Now that he’s stalked other people because they helped me, or I hired them as lawyers, and he stalked a psychologist I suddenly didn’t seem like a woman who HAS to be exaggerating. No bruises. I wish he’d of hit me. I’d of been free sooner. Psychological abusers make sure that you know how they can destroy you. They show you what they are capable of.
@christina, it’s easier for the enablers to believe the lie. It’s uncomfortable for them to confront that they’ve trusted a man who turns out to be a monster – until he comes for them. And in the end, that’s what happens. I hear you on the bruises. We’ve gotten good at supporting physical abuse, why can’t we hear these stories about the psychological abuse? BELIEVE WOMEN.
She filed for divorce in 2006, while pregnant I believe, and looking now I’m seeing she alleged “cruel and inhumane treatment” and other abuses. God only knows what he threatened her with, because her leaving jeopardized his “family” image.
I think she’s been trying to get out for a long time, and these accusations becoming public was her escape hatch.
This – and I think certain posters above should take a lesson.
@Soupie thank you !!! I can’t believe reading some comments 🙁 Shocked to read it coming from women. People really should educate themselves
I don’t think this has to be an either/or story. There have been plenty of articles about Lauer’s victims already, it’s only natural to be curious about his wife Annette and what her experience was like being married to him. So I don’t see the problem with an article just focusing on her. Also the fact she has released a statement after years of silence is newsworthy, even if she doesn’t say much. And I don’t see her being in the same category as Georgina Chapman, not even close. Georgina was most likely aware her husband was bullying women to wear Marchesa (whether she knew about all the sexual assaults is up for debate) and she was fine with that. As far as I know, Lauer never shilled anything for Annette ever and rarely talked about her. She was from the Netherlands so it’s more than likely Lauer told her she’d lose custody of the kids or threatened her somehow. It’s only when all the stories came out that she finally had enough ammo to leave him (she previously had tried to file for divorce so it’s clear she was desperate to get out).
Again, this^^
I read a great deal about Lauer and Natalie Morales having an affair. When they were determining who would take Currys place it was rumored that Roque threatened to leave Matt if Morales got the promotion. Page six also reported Roque squaring off Morales at an X-mas party. Soon after she was passed over Morales moved to the west coast.
Yes, I read that too. I believe it
“Staying for the kids” is only a good thing if the marriage is a healthy one. Subjecting those children to the abuse that she most likely suffered is a horrible thing. Always get away from an abuser – especially if you have children.
OMG that is so much easier said than done. We have learned so much about victim behavior and how it doesn’t fit into tidy little boxes. Yes, abused women should escape abusers. But what are we doing to let them know that we will believe their stories? How do they know that the abuser who is standing there, telling them that no one will believe them and that if they go they’ll never see their children again, is lying?
I’d argue that staying for the kids is never the answer, but leaving an abusive relationship is never as easy as just walking out a door. Every time someone suggests it is, it actually gets a little more difficult.
I bet she stayed because he had her convinced he would bury her in a divorce and he would get the kids too.
Extreme control issues generally make me think a lot of threats/violence also.
I suppose from her point, he was the one with all the power. Who knows what she had to deal with, the only thing I know for sure … Matt Lauer is an absolute pig.
What in the world did she tell the kids? I know the kids went to wealthy schools but kids can find info on the Net very easily, and I bet the oldest certainly knew what ML was being accused of. Good for her for getting away.
Lauer should be shunned. By all.
SJR I’m leaning that way too. She would’ve had a much better lifestyle if she left. There was much more to it and I believe fear had a lot to do with it. Having kids with a guy like this is fear personified and God knows what he threatened her with.
Couples so often look alike. Probably confuse it for love somehow.
#fumatt
I don’t know why I can’t stop reading the Lauer coverage. It’s probably not healthy, but i just feel compelled to read every additional detail about this sh!tbag. He is so vile, I think we should extend the mic to any and all women (and probably some men, too) in his orbit that had to take his abuse while his star continued to shine.
I feel like he would control her not only by threatening to take her kids, but by making it a big public thing or forcing her to leave the country. I can’t believe I ever watched Where in the World is Matt. They should have dropped him off a boat somewhere far away.
I have sympathy for her, to be honest. One thing I learned from my own brutal divorce and custody battle: in family court, the person with the most money will win. Doesn’t matter what else is true. The money buys the power to win.
My ex was arrested for hitting me, had multiple CPS investigations stemming from mandatory reporters in my child’s life, an admitted and documented drinking problem, a court-appointed psychiatrist’s dX of narcissistic personality disorder, and multiple key witnesses willing to testify that our child should be with me and my ex should have limited supervised visitation.
Guess what? I ran out of money and we ended up with 50/50 custody and no child support. Why? Because lawyers are expensive and his parents bankrolled his legal team. There are a hundred reasons he could file for a continuation, push out a deadline, demand that someone else give a deposition, add to the list of items for discovery… Eventually I couldn’t afford to keep paying and still keep a roof over my child’s head. To say nothing of missing work for endless court appearances. I couldn’t afford to lose my job.
I think she stayed as long as she did because she knew he had all the money and power.
Lindy, I am so sorry. I just want to hug you if you’d take it.
You know you love your babies. The kids will realize one day, if they aren’t a starting to already. Wishing you peace and freedom from him, and I hope that you don’t have too much contact with him. I know that you are not free with him having half custody. Co parenting is possibly with a human, not a narcissist.
Just keep on keeping records. Keep writing stuff down. Keep calling the police when he violates orders around the kids. Keep doing the right thing for them and putting them first. In the end, when they are grown up, they will see.
My daughter understands now that I freed her from his narcissism and sociopathy.
Please know that you are a hero to me, Lindy. You are a hero. You are strong, even through the tears and the anger and the holding yourself together. You will make it through, because it’s him, not you.
Money does make a difference. A big difference. But, in these cases, the truth wins eventually. He won’t be able to hide who he is forever. And your kids will want to just feel normal once they realize it’s him.
Christina, I just wrote out a long note back to you to say thank you for sharing your own story and for your kind and encouraging words. But my phone ate the note!! So I’ll just say thank you so much ❤️
It’s amazing the strength you can find when you’re fighting to protect your child. It’s been 7 years for me and we are all doing a lot better. My son has been in therapy (I had to go to court to get a judge to sign off since my ex was fighting me and didn’t want that to happen) and is now really thriving.
It’s still a challenge and still can be so painful and frustrating. But I’m grateful to other women who share their stories. It helps to know you’re not alone.
Sending big hugs.
This. Well meaning people who say just leave have never (luckily) become entangled with a sociopath. You don’t say I’m filing for divorce and that’s the end. It’s only the beginning of a completely new nightmare. These people don’t go away.
I want to live in a world where women (especially those with children) are more empowered to leave their shitbag husbands. She stayed for reasons we can only speculate about. It’s not a stretch to believe the perfect facade was one of many. But it’s a damn shame she stayed and in hindsight she probably realizes it was mistake. NEVER STAY WITH THE CHEATING, CONTROLLING, RAPEY, POWER HUNGRY A-HOLE LADIES!!! Wishing she had the clarity and support it took to finally leave a lot sooner 🙁
We make that world by:
– Loving and supporting our friends when this happens to them – and being willing to help them face hard truths.
– Loving and supporting women who aren’t our friends, who we maybe would be tempted to dismiss because they’ve done things we don’t agree with or respect, and respecting their decision to finally kick the loser to the curb.
I am sure he probably reaches the threshold for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That is nasty business. They are finding out that being exposed long term to NPD can leave victims/survivors with C-PTSD.
Having “been there & done that”, it’s terrifying how much control that abuser has. It isn’t just that they are abusive, it’s the insidious way they make war on WHO you are.
I am glad her & their kids are out of the situation.
This is likely the explanation for why Nevils felt the compulsion to continue a relationship. They gaslight and fake shock that you could ever construe what they did was done out of malicious intent. It isn’t until you are out and look back that you can see the patterns. I hope the women get healing and peace.
You are Spot On, Kaiser… it should be about his Victims NOT her. IMO she knew what she was getting into just like GC, yet continued to procreate a Third child with this POS…
@Lisabella what a nasty and cruel thing to say. please educate yourself before commenting on such matters
Lis,
I hope you hold no position of power.
Ooh, that last comment makes me very uncomfortable. Very.
That is grade A victim blaming.
The wife was every bit as much a victim as any of the other women.
Try existing in the same house, it is not living. Always on edge.
She filed for divorce while pregnant, at the time. I feel certain he threatened her and/or their kids and she dropped the official divorce. They led separate lives for years after the 3 kid.
I am here to tell you, if anybody thinks rape does not happen inside a marriage…you are wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I lived it, and have been divorced for 20+ years, and even now I still have people comment to me about my Ex. His family is well known in town, he has been divorced 4x. I was his first Ex wife. I told #2, he his no prize…watch your kids at all times. In my situation, he very quickly learned how to dole out abuse making damn sure not to leave bruises in public places.
Anger, Control issues, the man has the income, the good rep, the family in good standing, while the wife is in the private parts of the house, trying like hell to protect the little kids.
The story is adding to the stories of what an abuser and creep Laurer is so it’s all good imo. Glad she’s not standing by him a la Camille Cosby.
Damn, even that death grip he has on her hand in the last photo is telling. I can’t help but wonder how many of their children were from willing acts on her part.
People always assume it’s the money that keep women in these awful situations. I’m even guilty of once believing that in my younger days. What I now know is that most women get married because they fall in love. When you’re in love you only see the good and the human side of a potential abuser. By the time the rose colored glasses come off, you are left with memories of how beautiful things once were. And those memories are hard to erase and ignore. They are also the very sentiments abusers use to string you along and get you to stay. As soon as an abusive person recognizes strength in their victim, they hone in on all the emotions you once had for them. They turn up the charm and promise all kinds of ridiculous empty promises. Couple that with the shame of being a single mom that society used to place on women and you have a perfect setup for an abuser.
I’ve been through it and know first hand. We forget how culture has changed these past 9 years. But in the late 90s early millennium single moms and divorced women were still harshly judged. Many women’s mothers and families encourage them to work out marriages to abusers and the woman is left feeling hopeless.
Does a million bucks make it better? HFY. But not easier.
Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently said that rape is not a crime of passion, it’s an abuse of power.
And isn’t being a control freak when it comes to your wife just another symptom of a guy who gets his jollies from a sense of power?