Jaime Pressly explains calling her oldest son her favorite: ‘All parents have a favorite’

I have become a fan of the show Mom. I had trouble getting into it because the humor can be very juvenile. But a couple of you told me I should stick with it because the core of the show was women’s relationships, and you were spot on (as usual). I am also wholly impressed with their examination of addiction and recovery, which includes relapse. Jaime Pressly is one of the five leads in the ensemble (six with Kristen Johnson joining the cast full-time). She’s really good. Her character can be unlikable and definitely unrelatable, but Jaime does great job of showing her flaws. Jaime is mom to three boys, 12-year-old Dezi, whose father is Eric Calvo, and two-year-old twins Leo and Lenon, with boyfriend Hamzi Hijazi. The other day, Jaime pulled the pin on a grenade and launched it directly into her Instagram page when she posted the beautiful pic above with her oldest, Dezi. What’s wrong with that lovely photo? Nothing. It was her caption that left people hyperventilating:

Best time ever hangin with my favorite son, Dezi. That’s right I said it. I have a favorite son although I luv all 3 of my boys with everything I have in me. Dez and I have a special bond that no one else will ever match because we’ve grown up together. #firstborn #iloveyou

The fact that the mom-shamers came out in droves over this isn’t even news. Publicly declaring you have a favorite child is an engraved invitation for them to respond. So Jaime decided to explain herself while on The Talk. She said:

I was just being honest. I mean, look, I love, like I said, all three of my boys. But the two little ones are twins and they’re turning two tomorrow so the 12-year-old’s my favorite. Now all three of my boys are my favorite for a different reason, but when it comes to, like, traveling on a plane – 12-year-old, my favorite. When it comes to dressing yourself, he can dress himself, they don’t even know how to say shirt. He’s my favorite for many reasons but that doesn’t mean I don’t love all three of my boys so all the parents need to relax.

If I understand Jaime correctly, she appreciates that her older child does not require so much of her attention. Now that she has young children again, she’s reminded how much babies and toddlers cannot do for themselves. So when she found herself out with her pre-teen son, having a more mature discussion about mutual interests and she didn’t have to worry about him having a tantrum or feeding himself, she appreciated it for what it was, a moment unique to them given the age difference between her twins and Dezi. Then say that! This was just not well thought out. I’ll even go a step further, I even kind of understand her saying her relationship with Dezi is different because they grew up together. If she had Dezi when she was 30 and they weathered her breakup with his dad and her divorce, not to mention the fallout with her DUI arrest, I imagine she does feel like they grew up together. And toddlerhood is a very challenging time with kids. But I can’t see any value in publicly declaring favorites, especially because Jaime added, “all parents have a favorite, even if they don’t say it.” I don’t believe all parents do. I’d bet more parents don’t have favorites.

Jaime went on to say that, “by the time (the twins) are old enough to know what a post is, this will be so long gone,” so she doesn’t have to worry about her comments. I beg to differ. Public posts and comments can always bite you in the ass. They never die.

Here’s the video of Jaime’s comments if you want to hear them:

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Photo credit: WENN Photos

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97 Responses to “Jaime Pressly explains calling her oldest son her favorite: ‘All parents have a favorite’”

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  1. naomipaige says:

    Yes, every parent might have a favorite child but they shouldn’t state it out loud. No matter if her twins aren’t old enough to know what a post is, when they do find out that their mother said that, they will be devastated.

    • Lou says:

      Agreed… her caption leaves me scratching my head. Why say it at all? There’s no way to be the “non-favorite” and feel good about that.

    • bonobochick says:

      This is where I land. I have no doubt parents (and grandparents) have a favorite but it’s not something that is needed to be stated publicly.

    • ME says:

      Even if a parent doesn’t “say it out loud” it becomes obvious to the “not fav child” that one child is being favored over the other. This kind of sh*t really affects a child.

    • insertpunhere says:

      I don’t think it needs to be on a social media post (or interview), but as my mother’s clear not favorite, everyone simply denying that wasn’t great either. My entire family would gaslight me when I’d point out she liked my brother and sister better than me, which made me feel crazy, like I couldn’t trust my own perception, and like a terrible person for believing something everyone else said wasn’t true.

      Now as an adult, my sister will admit it, and I cannot tell you how validating it is to know that I actually wasn’t a crazy person my entire childhood. I honestly don’t know what the solution is (parents just volunteering this information doesn’t seem like it’d do great things for a kid either), but I also know that pretending it isn’t true was extraordinarily painful to me and left some pretty long-lasting emotional scars.

      • ME says:

        Yes I relate so much to this. If you point out that mom/dad favors one sibling over you, it’s always “you’re just paranoid/crazy”. They make you truly believe you are insane. How nice of your sister to finally validate what you knew was true all along!

      • JaneBee says:

        Completely agree with what you’ve written. Painful truth is going to do less damage than a childhood of gaslighting.

    • BB says:

      Might as well say it….if you are that lesser favorite child you already know it!!

      • Cali says:

        @BB Having a favorite is OK, But SHOWING it or SAYING it is simply sickening and a sign of irresponsible parents who should’ve stopped at 1. I even know some people who decided to have 1 child simply for that reason because they would never want To hurt their own child. Jamie must be in need to attention.

      • Lady says:

        In her defense, she’s had him around 10 years longer than the others. They are twins and they’re 2! He’d be my favorite also. You don’t really know your kid at 2 yet. My kid is only 5 so I can only imagine how much cooler parenting gets from here.
        She has twins in diapers. That’s so much work. My daughter is only now conveying thoughts and having conversations. He may not always be her favorite but he will always be her first. My mom and brother have that bond. I don’t fault them for it.

    • Lady2Lazy says:

      I know. Imagine the gut wrenching feeling of that child seeing that in print. Of course, every parent will gravitate towards a certain child more so than their other children. But to make a declaration for the world to see, is an entirely different stance to make.
      Case in point, my mother and I were closer for many reasons, personality traits, respect and and an overall understanding and support for each other. When my mother passed away, I was the only one who knew where she hid the keys to her home safe which validated her trust in me. I cherished our relationship and I miss her everyday.

  2. Courtney says:

    She’s seems to really mean “easiest to hang out” or “better at conversations” etc. And it was still a shitty thing to say. (I have an only child and plan to stay that way)

    • Carol says:

      She seems to really mean “the kid that makes MY life easier” or “the kid that makes ME feel better” with the focus on what the kid can do for HER, rather than celebrating what makes each child unique or special and independent of her needs. What a very self-absorbed comment. She has made idiotic comments before and she strikes me as someone who is not very “evolved” or remotely intelligent.

      • Lindsay says:

        And he helped HER grow… That on top of playing favorites and seemingly not really appreciating this critical time in child development are all red flags.

        You should have different relationships based on each kid’s personality, life stage, ect but not a favorite relationship. At least don’t say it or make it obvious. As a not favorite, it is still really difficult.

        However, the 12 year old would be my favorite on a plane!

  3. TQB says:

    Mom has also grown on me, despite my dislike for all things Anna Farris. Alison Janey is just too good, as are the other women.

    • Lightpurple says:

      And it is something rare in tv and movies, female friendships, with all the ups and downs, featuring a group of OLDER women, who aren’t portrayed as beautiful and flawless at all times, but they are there for one another through good and bad times. And they aren’t all holding a glass of wine because the premise of the show is they are all in recovery.

    • Spicecake38 says:

      I adore Marjorie on mom- quirky yet zen.

  4. Claire says:

    All Narcissistic parents have a favorite – the “Golden Child”. Very damaging all around for her to announce it so publicly. Believe it or not it’s not healthy for the favorite either.

    • Mignionette says:

      THIS ….!!!

    • C-Shell says:

      It is not a blessing to be the Narcissist’s “favorite”, let me tell you.

      • Aims says:

        I was my mom’s favorite, and it was unfair to everyone. It was crushing to see what that did to my brother. It caused a huge rift between he and I growing up. We’re now finally able to have a friendship. But it was also difficult growing up with that extra attention. She was m also closer to my kids. It really messed up my brother, he had serious depression, addiction and other problems. If mom had given the attention he deserved maybe he wouldn’t had as many struggles.

    • Jules says:

      This. This is all about ego gratification, not about love.

  5. minx says:

    I have a special bond with my daughter, because she’s a girl, but I adore my son too. Why would you say something like that for public consumption? She deserves the blowback.

  6. Erinn says:

    I think some of it is also that her oldest grew up without a sibling, so their bond would automatically be different than it would be with the twins – who’ve always had each other, if that makes sense?

    • lucy2 says:

      I totally understand WHAT she is saying, but I think it was a mistake to say the word “favorite”. Not good for the kids, and why invite the mommy shamer brigade to attack?

      • Erinn says:

        Oh it was super dumb of her, and I’m not sure what she was thinking. I can’t imagine ever opening myself up to criticism like that – and the potential harm it could cause with the sibling relationships.

        That said… I think more people have a favorite child than they realize haha. Some personalities go together better than others, and that’s not a bad thing. But the key is whether punishment/praise is being handled fairly – and there are some absolute nightmares out there that truly make the favorite obvious and you have it veer into abuse.

        There was a study done where less than half of the kids correctly predicted which child was the favorite. The mothers had been previously asked questions like “Which of your children are you most likely to talk to about a personal problem?”; “Which child would you most want to be your caretaker as you age or if you were to get sick?”

        Only 39 percent of kids guessed correctly, and the kids who were not chosen as the favorite tended to be the most sure they were Mom’s favorite.

    • K says:

      Yeah, if she had been thoughtful about the feelings of her kids first instead of just hers in that moment, she might have just said, “I have a special/unique bond with my oldest.” Which is fair and reasonable without dissing other kids.

      If it was a slip of the tongue, she should have followed it up with “and ______, my favorite, or _______ my other favorite…” so it’s just a joke that they’re all her favorite, no harm done.

  7. Onerous says:

    Idk. I have three kids and I’ve actually tried really hard from time to time to pick a favorite – as a thought experiment – and have never been able to. Kids are each so different one from another that how you could claim one as better than the others escapes me. They’re ALL little a-holes! (Joking, obviously)

    • Kristen says:

      I have two and I feel the same. One day, I seem to feel closer to my daughter and other days, I feel more of a bond with my son. I couldn’t choose a favorite if someone held a gun to my head.

      PS – they are only 2 and 3 years old so this might change!

    • prettypersuasion says:

      I have 4, and I do the same thing with the same results! I have different relationships with each one and they are each my favorite in their own way. My oldest is the one I “grew up” with, since I was a 25-yr-old single mom when I had him and we had 5 years of just us two. My middle twins – one is my charming mama’s boy, and the other is my deep, sensitive intellectual. My only daughter probably “should” be my favorite, but she and I have by far the most difficult relationship (to be fair, she’s only 4 and I’m pretty over preschoolers at this point, lol).

    • hjztea says:

      I have 5 and I will very honestly tell them ” I have a favorite, it just rotates”. I would never say who for the record. Of course I love them all. They’re all so different, but sometimes some are more challenging than others lol

  8. LeaTheFrench says:

    Well as a mom of three: that’s poorly phrased, Jaime. My kids are small but they would be devastated if I spoke about one of them like this. Also, Jaime – maybe your twins are too young to read Instagram but I assume your son can, and you’re offering him the possibility to show or repeat your comments to his siblings. Kids say a lot of mean things when they fight. Or just casually.

  9. Valiantly Varnished says:

    Perhaps someone should explain to her that every thought or feeling doesn’t have to be shared with the world. She could have kept this to herself. And perhaps someone could also explain to her how the internet works and that nothing you post goes away. People can pull up posts from old deleted websites from over 20 years ago.

    • virginfangirls says:

      Yes, I have truthful thoughts all the time I keep in my head. Did someone give her truth serum before this interview?

  10. My3cents says:

    I have seen grown adult siblings (in their 60′s) feuding with each other for years, to finally confront each other with “but mom always loved you more..”
    This can cause so many problems down the road, why even go there?

  11. Jess says:

    I only have one child and I can’t imagine I will ever love another the way I love her. I’m sure everyone has that thought or fear before they have a second child though. We share that bond she’s talking about, so I can see myself thinking this, but not ever saying it out loud, Jesus.

    • Ali says:

      I had this exact same feeling with my first. I absolutely believed no way on earth could I love another human being this much. Then I had my second and there it was again, the exact same fill your heart to the brim and beyond feeling. I don’t know, maybe I just got lucky. Maybe not all parents love and/or like their kids equally but I really don’t think it’s anything to say out loud. What’s the benefit?

  12. smcollins says:

    I get what she’s saying (I think) but, yeah, you still shouldn’t put that on blast on social media (and then a talk show). That’s something you admit to and talk about with your friends, not your Instagram followers. At least imho

  13. BL says:

    I have 2 kids and I truly don’t have a favourite. They are both unique and awesome in different ways.
    She is an douchetard for stating this. It will be so hurtful for her twins to hear in the future…which will be damaging for the sibling relationships between the twins and her older boy. Dumb.

  14. Maria says:

    If you have a “favorite kid” you should rethink your parenting completely.

  15. Denisse HL says:

    This has nothing to do with mom shamers.
    As a therapist you cannot imagine how many adults come with issues that started by being the “least favorite”. Even when mom loved them.
    For the mind, the bond with mother is amazingly defining, so yeah, you have to believe yourself so important to have the right to speak your mind like this.

    • Jess says:

      I can understand that, I’m the middle child and the one my mother called “the devil child”. I still get really insecure around her when I’m with my siblings and I feel like I’m never enough.

      • ME says:

        Middle child here. I was the least important in my family. No one cared about anything I accomplished. It sucked.

      • BANANIE says:

        I’m the middle child, too. My older sister is my dad’s favorite and my younger sister is my mom’s favorite. When there were fights these pairs would gang up on me. It definitely messed with my head.

    • Erinn says:

      I find it interesting, in a way, how obviously people pick favorites. My husbands family always says things like “oh, you were the ‘good’ kid, you were easier” about him – but ALWAYS showed a strong bias in favor of his sister. To an absolutely detrimental degree.

      When one child can get away with everything, never be expected to face any sort of consequence and never have to do any of the heavy lifting when it comes to household chores – does it matter if someone is outright saying that one child is the favorite over the other? We started dating as young teens – so I got to witness a lot of it first hand. He’s turning 30 soon, and he’s absolutely still effected by this – and the difference in treatment is still obvious. To the point where extended family and friends will bring it up to this day. His free time was spent working with his dad (illegally through some of it) while his sister got to have a normal childhood. They never outright claim to have a favorite, but it was always very obvious to anyone with eyes.

    • My3cents says:

      Yup, this is years in therapy and damage control, but on the bright side some therapist is probably going to get a vacation home out if this.

  16. Ali says:

    I have two kids and I love and like them both equally. I could never pick a favorite. They are both my favorite people in the world.

    My soon to be ex, though, loves to tell one or the other that I do have a favorite just to start shit and I HATE it. Just because his effed up family played that game with him doesn’t mean normal people think that way or think it’s appropriate to say something like that to children.

  17. detritus says:

    My parents clearly had favorite children and were vocal about it. it majorly damaged my relationship with both of them, as well as hurting me and my brother deeply.

    It doesn’t matter that she said it once, it’s printed online forever, and it’s horrid parenting.

    • ME says:

      I come from a culture where boys are beloved and girls are seen as burdens. The damage this does to us girls is unimaginable. When a boy is born they hand out sweets and celebrate. When a girl is born, NOTHING. You can’t even tell someone “congratulations” when a girl is born. It’s so f*cked up.

      • Lady D says:

        My father spoke to me literally twice in the 17 years we shared a roof. Yes, it f’d me up. For the longest time (almost 10 years) the men that were attractive to me looked like my dad. I didn’t date them, the thought would made my skin crawl, while at the same time I was thinking how good looking they were. I will forever be grateful to the therapist I had.

      • Spicecake38 says:

        @Lady D my father and grandfather didn’t speak to me,they spoke at me so as to control me.I have come to learn things…Like why I married a controlling abusive (verbally,mentally,emotionally,and physically )man when I was just 20,divorced him at 24.A wonderful therapist explained to me that until we recognize what we’re doing we will repeat abusive relationships-with the idea that it will be different this time…
        I’ve had to accept what was,stare it in the face so to speak,and then find the confidence to love and believe in myself regardless of my upbringing.
        Wish you the best.

      • Lady D says:

        @ME, I owe you an apology. I completely ignored your pain to talk about mine. I’m really sorry I did that to you and even sorrier that you had to grow up under such a soul-harming atmosphere. Again, I apologize.

      • Lindy says:

        This breaks my heart. I’m so sorry.

      • ME says:

        @Lady D

        You are the sweetest. Don’t worry about it. I enjoyed reading your comment and didn’t feel ignored by you at all nor was I thinking it. No need to apologize but wow are you a kind soul!

      • Spicecake38 says:

        Me,I responded to lady D,but please know what you said matters and your truth resonates with me,sometimes comments get put where I think in that moment,but you were/are heard.Blessings.

    • Spicecake38 says:

      I am the unwanted one and I know it.It is not from my parents and grandparents,but it’s known between siblings and cousins.I’m the unnecessary child.It permeates my life.
      Don’t do favorites,just don’t.

  18. DS9 says:

    12 year olds are better than 3 year olds. The end.

    My 17 year old is usually my favorite aka my easiest, low maintenance child who cooks dinner, listens to me the first time I tell him to do something and is most reliable, least dependent.

    My 16 year old is just the sweetest little thing. She also has the memory of a goldfish and hates her chores. She’s hilarious and I love spending time with her. We trade hot dude memes on IG. But if I have to tell her one more time to do all the dishes, not just the handful she feels like doing, imma put her on a street corner.

    My 7 year old is, well 7. He doesn’t know where his socks are, ever. He cries when you tell him no and he only loves me for my phone. He also doesn’t eat until you threaten to ban him from roblox. He’s always been the best snuggler though and always wants hugs. He’s also my food video buddy.

    All this is to say that favorite doesn’t always mean golden child who can do no wrong and gets all of my attention and screw the rest of you needy buggers.

    Most of the time it just means “child who takes up the least mental energy but whom I love no more or less than the rest of you”.

    Don’t some of you have a favorite sibling or parent?

    • Lindsay says:

      Siblings and child to parent relationships are TOTALLY different. You aren’t responsible for your parents’ mental well being or attachment style AT ALL. Siblings relationships are different too.

      • DS9 says:

        Sibling relationships can absolutely be damaging, especially if one child feels marginalized by their other sibling’s closeness, especially if there’s an age gap. But obviously it’s not exactly the same as a parent child relationship.

        My point was mostly that one can love siblings equally yet have a closer relationship with one over others for a variety of reasons.

        I guess the question is what she meant by favorite. To be clear, one should be very careful not to favor any child over another. Kids never get over that.

        But many have a child who takes less effort, who they may naturally have a closer relationship to. And I think one has to acknowledge that to have any hope of parenting them equally. There is no hope of fairness if you cannot acknowledge where you need to do the work.

        For me personally, that means giving my daughter credit for what she tries to do instead of her success. My son does things well rather easily, If I focused only on success, he’d get all of my praise. There’s nothing fair or equal or healthy for either of them in that.

  19. Mary-Jo says:

    I don’t have a favourite and believe most parents do not have favourite kids. Sometimes you feel more connected to a child, but that can change.
    Even if you do love one child more, you should never allow yourself to say so, it can be so damaging to the other(s).

  20. DS9 says:

    Also, this would bother me a lot more if her kids were closer in age.

    Or if she said her favorite was one of the twins.

    • Kate says:

      Yeah I really don’t think THIS and THIS ALONE is going to damage her relationship with her 2 year olds. Someday if her oldest son tells them she said that in a fight it’ll be easy enough to explain that “yeah when you guys were 2 I said the one I had known for 10 extra years was my favorite and it’s OBVIOUSLY not true now.” But if she’s doing good as a mama I don’t think this sole Instagram post is going to cause her children to need years of therapy. I mean come on.

  21. Mere says:

    I wonder if the older kid wasn’t feeling down about about all the attention the younger twins get and she was trying to show him how important he is to her, to say to him that even if the little ones need a lot of attention, he’s her favorite. Maybe a post to everyone was unwise, but I can see it meaning a lot to the kid to acknowledge him like that.

    • Nicole76705 says:

      I think there might be a bit of this. My kids are pretty far apart in age and the youngest just nearly consumes every ounce of me. I have to make it a conscious effort to prioritize my oldest, not because he’s my least favorite by any means, he’s just at an age were he is more self-sufficient and independent.

      • Lindy says:

        This is true for me! I have a 10yo and a 1yo. My husband and I are trying to be conscious of taking time just for the older kiddo.

  22. EviesMom says:

    I have three kids and everyday they each have an equal shot at being my favourite that day. Fresh Slate. They don’t always know Who is the favourite … but I know 😉.

    Parenting is hard & there are some kids who are just harder to parent than others. You love them the same. You would sacrifice the same for all of them. But that doesn’t mean I will not appreciate the easier kid some days.

  23. Veronica S. says:

    Uh…I agree that most parents probably have a kid they feel closest to or are significantly easier to deal with, but that’s not something I’d say out loud. My mother grew up with a parent that exhibited blatant favoritism, and it was extremely damaging to the non-favorite kids. Out of my three siblings, I’m the one she probably has the “easiest” relationship with in that we argue the least and have similar views, but I’ve never once had the thought that I was favored over my siblings because she made damn sure not to repeat her mother’s mistakes with playing favorites. Be real careful with that, Jaime. Kids aren’t as stupid as you think.

  24. Katen says:

    Off topic but does anyone always initially mistake her for Margot Robbie at first glance? They look so similar to me.

  25. JoJo says:

    No. Just freaking no. IMO, it’s not ok – at all – to say this. Forget mom-shaming. It’s just rude and hurtful. Period. If she had said something like, “All three of my sons are my favorite for different reasons,” that would have been understandable. Or, “My oldest has been with me the longest, so we’ve shared a long journey together, and we have a special relationship,” etc. But that’s not what she said. She’s basically trying to rationalize saying the kid is her favorite because she’s just cool and honest enough to say it out loud. It’s that whole, “I’m just being honest” thing. Well, you know what … Sometimes, it’s hurtful to be honest. Sometimes it makes you a worse person than those who don’t say it out loud, because those parents at least have a basic understanding of the way statements like these can completely damage a kid going forward.

    • pk says:

      It’s not just statements but actions as well. When a parent favors one child it becomes extremely obvious. The parent doesn’t have to say it but it will show in how they treat one child over the other. The non-favorite will feel it !

  26. Daisy says:

    I totally have a favorite, and it whichever kid is whining the least at any particular moment. :)

  27. Texas says:

    I do not have a favorite child. I never have. I love them both the same and I adore them! ❤️❤️❤️ If you do have a favorite, you should never say it. This is pretty basic parenting.

    I’m super judgy about this too. I automatically hate anyone who would say this. It is similar to how I don’t trust people who don’t like pets.

    • ME says:

      Ok well I don’t like pets. I’d never hurt an animal but I’m just not a pet person. That’s no reason to think I’m not a trustworthy person ! There are plenty of dog/cat owners that are straight up a$$holes.

  28. He he says:

    My mom has said to me that I am the easier for her to be around due to my easy going nature. However she would insist on ending the convo with but I do not have a favorite.

  29. Wanda says:

    My mom had a favourite of her five chldren, but she always denied it. We never felt any “less” because of it, in fact, we used to love bugging her about it. We believe he always had a special place because he nearly died when he was a newborn from a bowel obstruction.

  30. Edo says:

    Yeah, all parents have favorites but few parents give up on pretending they loved all their kids equally. And this parent did publicly say it to the media.

    My parents told me they loved me most but I shouldn’t tell my siblings.
    I am pretty sure they told each of my siblings this as well. :D
    My parents always made sure everybody got an equally-sized Christmas present etc. Maybe they loved one of us more but they made an effort to hide it.

  31. Lizzie says:

    ask my emotionally screwed up youngest sister in law how it feels to know you aren’t the first favorite…or the 2nd. it can be rough.

  32. Me Again says:

    I guess I’m weird because I honestly DON’T have a favorite. The concept is just so bizarre to me. Both my boys are special in their own ways and I love them for their differences.

    Odd that she felt the need to broadcast that at all.

  33. Justwastingtime says:

    Bad parenting move.

    I am one of four siblings , we always joke about who is the favorite but we know they love us all equally, they just prefer one kid over the other at certain points (and that switches up) So damaging if your kids feel otherwise

    With my own two kids ( boy and a girl) I always call them my favorite son and favorite daughter.

  34. Michael says:

    I only have one son and I always tell him that he is my favorite. Cause he is

    • Lady D says:

      I told mine he was he oldest so he has to be the most responsible, and he’s the youngest so he gets spoiled the most. He was quite agreeable to both.

  35. jenner says:

    Surefire way to f*ck up your kids, pitting them against one another, favoring one over the other. On social media no less.

  36. La says:

    If my mom has a favorite we have no idea–she has never once let on and I couldn’t even guess if I had to. She has always said she loved us all equally and I believe her.

    I have one kid now and pregnant with my second and one of my greatest fears is I’ll love or favor one over the other. I never in a million years want that to happen and even if I favor one kid over another on a given day I’d never ever want them to know.

    This just seems horrible and damaging. What you put on the internet is forever, and like someone said above, if the older sibling knows he can use it against the younger ones even if she thinks everyone else forgot about it.

  37. Lindy says:

    I’m a mom of two and I really hate mommy-policing because most of us are just doing our damn best every day, you know? And we should help and support each other.

    BUT!!!! This statement she made is just so wrong, on a gut/instinct level. As the oldest of 3 girls I grew up knowing my mother didn’t like me very much and adored my two younger sisters. She bluntly said it to me and to them on many occasions. We’re two drastically different people. My dad was a workaholic who, while he loved us and was definitely more similar to me than my mom, just wasn’t around. My parents were deeply unhappy and divorced when I was 21.

    Knowing that my mother didn’t like me as a person was so confusing and frightening and sad for me as a little girl. Even after years of therapy (and realizing that her dislike stemmed in part from how similar I was too my dad and how much they hated each other), there’s some part of me that still just wants my mom to like me, you know?

    She and my two sisters are still very tightly bonded and I’m still always on the outside. My dad finally woke up in the last few years and apologized for not being present for me and not advocating for me. Like another commenter mentioned, having my childhood experience validated was so helpful in combating the effects of growing up with my mom and sisters.

    The idea that this woman casually drops a statement like that is just so awful for me. I feel so sad for her kids.

    • Justwastingtime says:

      Lindy so sorry that sounds awful. Does your mother and your sisters recognize what happened to you?

  38. Jasmine says:

    I understand her completely and I don’t think it has anything to do with ‘paying attention’. I have 4 children and at some times in their lives, I didn’t even like them as people! Nevermind choose them as a favorite! They change. I as a mom AND a human, change. Because they each have such unique qualities and characters, each of them are my favorite, and LEAST favorite depending on the situation. My youngest son is the best conversationalist alive, my oldest is a steadfast rock, my daughter is like my bestie and my second son is who I chill out with. I’d never confide in him with something stressful because he’d panic. I’d never trust my daughter with money or tasks, she’s single-minded. My oldest is the worst to hang out with because he’s an extreme introvert and never speaks lol. Believe me, parents have favorites. It’s situational

  39. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    It’s never okay to verbalize favoritism. But my boys would say each was my favorite and then laugh because I’ll tell one they’re my favorite in front of the other two. Five or ten minutes later, another is my favorite. It’s done in jest, and they rib each other. I would never, however, seriously proclaim and find favor with only one. That breaks my heart just thinking about it.

  40. Isa says:

    Yea, no. I’ve seen enough people talk about the damage favoritism has done to know nothing good can come of this. Kids are going to crave that special bond you gave with the other child. You’re the most important person in their life and they’re just supposed to understand?

  41. arr says:

    Even if you have a kid you click with more than the others, the word “favorite” should be avoided at all costs. It really messes up the “un-favorite” kid or kids otherwise. And if you honestly do have a favorite then never fucking admit it.

  42. Blerg says:

    I hear everything she says in her Joy accent from My Name is Earl, and that is something Joy would say, so I wasn’t shocked.

  43. Rebecca says:

    I have two kids and I don’t have a favorite. If I did, I wouldn’t say it outloud. This one and only time, I agree with the mommy shamers. Can you imagine having just two children and claiming one as your favorite? What would that do to the other child’s self esteem?

  44. Jenn says:

    I have a favourite, it just changes from day to day, moment to moment. They are both so different, and I adore different things about them that it’s not a set scale of favoritism and we all know it.

  45. Marianne says:

    Even if its true, hwo do you think it makes the children feel to know they are second banana in your eyes?