I found out my ex cheated on me — from his wedding announcement https://t.co/FperQyIvxl pic.twitter.com/ae1AUIZxau
— New York Post (@nypost) August 29, 2020
When romantic relationships end, it can be hard, especially when they end abruptly without explanation. Nikyta M. found herself in this situation when her marriage of almost two years abruptly ended. Nikyta and her husband Rob who had been married in a civil ceremony and had been planning a big wedding. Her family from London and Trinidad flew into Dallas to meet Rob’s family a few months ahead of the big wedding date. But after they left, Rob abruptly changed and soon asked for a divorce.
Nikyta was blindsided as it was completely out of the blue and she had no clue what happened. She spent the next two years in the dark until Rob’s wedding announcement was posted in the New York Times. Rob’s meet-cute love story happened before Nikyta and Rob’s marriage ended. Here is an excerpt from the New York Post, to which Nikyta told her story. The NYT announcement called it Rob’s first marriage.
It was a New York Times wedding announcement detailing the love story of a fitness entrepreneur and his new wife. According to the article, the couple, Rob and Lauren, started their relationship in January 2017. It also said that he had never been married.
That was news to me — because I was his wife in January 2017. We split in late March of that year, officially divorcing in January 2018, and I never exactly understood why. Until I read about it in the Times.
My friends contacted the paper, which issued a correction on Rob’s previous marital status. But I still felt completely erased. He was publicly admitting that he dated this woman while we were married — the details of his infidelity laid out on the page. When I put their presentation next to the truth, it was like one of those reality-versus-Instagram memes come to life.
Rob and I met in the summer of 2013 when we locked eyes through the window of the Crunch gym near Astor Place and he beckoned me inside. We were friends first, but by that winter we were dating and living together on the Upper West Side.
He was an old-fashioned gentleman. If I finished work late, he’d come meet me. I’m a professional dancer, and he came to every performance. He’d make me breakfast in bed.
On Dec. 23, 2015, we married in a civil ceremony. But we also planned a big wedding for Aug. 12, 2017, in his hometown of Dallas. We put a deposit down on the venue, I bought my wedding gown, and my family booked flights from Trinidad and my native London. In December 2016, my mother, aunt and cousin flew from England to Dallas to meet his mother and look at the venue. On that trip, we chose our menu.
Three months later, things abruptly changed. We went to Texas for his friend’s wedding and to finalize our own wedding details. I could sense something was wrong. When we returned, he said he needed space. Worried that he was stressed about wedding planning or work, I said I would leave for a week to stay with a friend.
When I came back, he said he wanted a divorce. It was like a light switch turned off. He stopped communicating with me and refused to go to therapy. I wondered if he had a medical issue that had changed his personality.
[From The New York Post]
Rob sounds like a f*ckboy. There I said it. I am not sure how he thought announcing his wedding in such a public way would go unnoticed. Now all of his dirt is on full display. The two women involved are the ones I pity. Nikyta for the pain he caused by abruptly ending their marriage and Lauren whose relationship with him seems to be based on a lie. I say the latter because it would seem Lauren didn’t know he was married at the time of their meeting either.
The good news is that Nikyta has moved on and has met someone new but I am sure the pain is still there, especially learning that two years later it was infidelity that destroyed her marriage to someone she thought was her best friend. I can say so many things but they aren’t appropriate in a open forum. What I will say is, I wish Nikyta much love and healing in her new relationship. I also wish Rob and Lauren happiness in their marriage, but Lauren girl, you better keep your eye on that one.
From CB: This is her ex and his new wife:
Wow, this guy.
While STILL MARRIED: “That same month, I found out I was pregnant. He told me that he didn’t want the baby. In May, I miscarried — I believe it was because of the stress. I called from the hospital but he didn’t come. Nothing can compare to that hurt.”
His response here really sucks.
“Robert told The Post: “Nikyta and I were separated and both consented to a mutual and amicable divorce. This is all very surprising to me and I was unaware that there was ever an issue. I’m happy with my family and I wish Nikyta the best.”)”
I hope she’s living her best life now. He is terrible.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Sending you hugs.
This is from the article. She’s just commenting her disgusting with the man.
oh sorry! This is the quotes from the article! I will edit to clarify. But thank you. <3
“Unaware there was an issue” ?!?!?! Wow. Good luck, new wife, you’re going to need it.
I’m kind of surprised she didn’t immediately assume he found someone else though, I don’t know many men who have left their partner without someone else waiting in the wings. Glad she has moved on and is happy though.
yes that response is the absolute worst. I wish Nikyta all the blessings and healing and beauty going forward. She did not deserve that.
Blessing in disguise. He did her a favor. Good luck Lauren!
I have seen in more than one occasion that the cheater goes for many public announcements of their happiness and attempt to erase the previous relationship or put the cheated one as the bad person. In the end it’s how the cheater wants to see themselves. They need to believe they are not the one to blame, only their former partner. Sad. He could have been honest to her and not let her in the dark. Years ago, my ex decided to break up a 6 years relationship by message, while my father was dealing with a brain cancer. He took my things from his house and gave to a friend of mine so they could return it to me. Blocked me, didn’t accept my calls. Days later, a friend saw him with another woman. The reason became clear for me then. This quarantine, he decides to call me and apologize for his behaviour and ask to be friends. I accepted the apology but said that I didn’t need someone like him in my life. A few days later, a friend in common told me the woman cheated on him. Guess he wanted to share the experience of being cheated on?
Ugh I’m sorry you went through that. I had a friend whose boyfriend went out if state to visit family and from there he called her to break up. She said we need to talk in person we’ll do that when you get back, he said ‘oh I’m not coming back’. She said we live together you have your furniture, what about the dog we adopted together or your job? You’re leaving all of that? Yep
All because he was too scared to break up with her in person. What a chicken shit
This has happened to me, only he was in another country that I had MOVED TO, and he mailed me my belongings back. Absolutely awful.
As a little girl, I used to dream about a New York Times wedding announcement, but it doesn’t seem to be something to aspire to anymore. The people I know who have had them give me good exercise for my side-eye.
I remember watching SATC and it was a big deal, is it for ‘certain’ families/backgrounds or anyone can pay and be included.
NYT wedding pages used to just be a local society feature back when it was a more NY-oriented paper (like, 1900-1950s.) But, being NYC, it’s “local society” was all big names even then. As the paper’s reach grew (say, roughly 1960s-early 2000s) the wedding announcements became less about NY and more of a national status symbol. It took a great deal of PR pull (or established family wealth/notoriety) to get an announcement during those times. FWIW I knew several couples who wed during the 1990s whose NYT announcements neglected to mention their previous marriage(s). They didn’t lie, just didn’t mention it. Now that I’m older I’m less interested in looking for people I know or knew in that section each week but my general impression is that it’s less of a status thing in the age of social media and that the paper has at least tried to be more inclusive, concentrating more on interesting love stories than old-money type announcements. But, again, I don’t pay as much attention anymore!
I had one! 🙂 I was actually kinda proud when they called me. No photo in the print edition though, just online.
We were supposed to, but we were married in 2001. The wedding itself had been postponed for two months, from September to November, and went from 175 guests in a lower Manhattan loft to 20 family members at my in-law’s house in Westchester. At that point, we just wanted to be legally married and the Times had other things to be reporting.
My former landlord’s son’s wedding made the NYT, with photo (his wife’s family was wealthy/connected.). I think she was more proud of that than almost anything else, she actually found a way to bring it up when I was touring the apartment.
I would have mentioned that my little local paper also carries wedding announcements.
I read this yesterday and was just disgusted. Even with this heartache this woman is so lucky that she’s not with that horrible man.
A man who could do this to you can also kill you in your sleep. Disgusting. That new mistress/wife of his better be careful.
Yes! Glad she outed this jerk and I hope his new wife burns all his shit when she reads it.
YES! You’re exactly right about the ex cud B the type to either break up with U abruptly OR just KILL YA. Anyone that can turn that cold that fast….ummm….yeah. Sociopathic tendencies.
Exactly. Let’s all celebrate this woman’s lucky escape.
She deserves a party complete with gift registry and open bar. Girl doesn’t even know how many years of insanity she saved herself. And honestly I am sending my best to his new wife because sociopaths don’t change.
I like this idea of CELEBRATING when a terrible person leaves your life. I agree. A person who can shut off their emotions in an instant is no one to even be friends with.
Ugh…what is wrong with people? Why would he do that FFS? She’s well shod of that d*ck for sure.
He is a real nasty piece of work. I am glad she has moved on.
So agree. It is sad she lost baby. Seems like he was going to ditch them both.
Where is the celebrity in this story?
There are tons of “non-celebrity” stories on the site, including those on politics, general news, and — like this one — human interest.
It’s a nice change from all the stories about the royals and what they are doing or what they aren’t doing.
@Michelle Agreed!
agreed. seems like every other article is about the royals and I’m very bored of it.
I really wish the best for Harry and Meg but I thought for a while this site must be on their payroll. I’ve read it for years and never have I seen the number of daily stories on one couple. I get that Celebitchy needs clicks for money and this was probably the hottest tea England had ever seen, but I too have Megan/Harry fatigue.
200% agreed. I’m fed up with all the royal especially Megan stories I don’t open them anymore. This is a breathe of fresh air.
The real question is why people announce their marriage in newspapers. It feels like an outdated practice.
What’s funny is it came from the tradition of announcing it (the marriage banns) was to let the public know in case someone could contest the legitimacy of the marriage — kind of like this right here…
Maybe the real celebrity…is the friends we make along the way
Honestly, they do a lot of non-celebrity stories here and this one is gossipy even without a celebrity involved. Who cares?
LOL!
The new wife has a really huge following on IG-she’s a very successful woman of color. I actually had started following her several months ago-couldn’t even tell you how I “found” her-somehow recommended. I wouldn’t say she’s a “celebrity” but she’s definitely a social media presence.
I’ll bet that was part of the tool’s decision to leave his first wife. The new wife has a big social media presence, ergo, she can help his business (what is a “fitness entrepreneur,” anyways?). Chica better have an ironclad prenup …
I ate this story up yesterday & glad they reported on it.
I enjoyed reading this story. It’s a real human interest story. Not everything has to be about celebrities, royals or politics. It was well written and interesting. I’m really enjoying Oya’s posts.
It’s a gossip site. This is solidly juicy gossip.
I flew to “visit” an exboyfriend many years ago – it was basically a long fling weekend. We made plans to do it again in a few months, but I met my now husband and cancelled.
Several years later, my ex gets married and my friend sends me the wedding website where it mentions they began dating several months before said “fling weekend” with me. I had to laugh, but I felt bad for his wife, too. I have to wonder how many side pieces he has/has had. I also wonder if we had continued our dalliance as planned if he would have ever mentioned it.
While not in a NYT announcement I found out my (now) ex-husband had cheated on me because his girlfriend told me their “official” dating date and it was less than a week after he ignored our son’s birthday and I went off on him. Then we slept together a month after their official dating date, because I had no idea and hello we were still married. He gave her a promise ring this Christmas and started wearing a wedding band again around that time, despite the fact that we hadn’t even filed for divorce. Some guys are just shit.
(And of course the demise of our relationship was my fault)
Omg. That’s awful, I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Reminds me of these two pieces of work https://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/19/fashion/weddings/19vows.html
That’s wild and they put in the Times.. Guess they wanted to set the record straight while hurting all ex-spouses and kid’s involved. Wonder how they are doing today.?
According to facebook, still together.
Wow! That is not something I would brag about in the NYT. Some people are so entitled and arrogant.
Wow. I can’t believe I just read that. I mean,life is complicated,people change,I get that sometimes your marriage is not in a good place or already falling appart and you fall in love with someone else. Sure it’s terrible for the spouses or the children but it can happen. What I don’t get though is the part where you decide to tell the nyt about how you basically wanted to f*ck every time you were having dinner with your partners (who thought you were all “friends”) or going to a school meeting and try to make it the most romantic and noble lovestory of all time because you did not have sex right away. Not to mention that for someone who was so wildly in love that guy admits that he went back and forth between the wife and the mistress for months. They’re awful.
Wow. It happens, sure, people fall in love with someone else, but to put it out there like some grand love story for the world to read…how painful for their exes and children.
Also their description of each other makes me want to slap them and tell them to calm down.
I vaguely remember this because I think the announcement ended up getting further press because people were so disgusted. The NYT comments section rightfully dragged them from here to eternity.
The look on the face of the daughter in the foreground of the “second ceremony” picture says it all. She looks just old enough to have an inkling of the mess her parent and new step-parent created. SMH.
I’m not a prude and I know that things happen, etc. etc. But why tell the world? The exes and children suffered enough without having this story put out there. This was 2010, I would LMAO if they split up.
Wow, what did I just read?! I started laughing out loud half way through. They both sound like entitled, exhausting idiots.
I remember that at the time, always wondered if they’re still together. Didn’t find much on a cursory google.
I had something similar happen to me. Husband came home one night in late February and said he was leaving out of the clear blue sky. Never saw him again. Years later I found out he’s still with the woman who had his kid in September of that year and now they have 3…his mother randomly emailed me to let me know how great he’s doing now. She got *quite* the response from me about her precious coward of a cheating son.
@sarah, ugh, why and how can people behave like this? I hope the pain has completely healed and you are living your best life.
I wouldn’t be surprised if wife #2 knew he was married. Some people get a real thrill out of not only being the other person, but being able to woo the married person into getting divorced for them.
I can’t tell you how many times friends have thought they were married to really great guys only to get served with out of the blue divorce papers. Somehow within a few weeks the one who filed is already out with their new person.
I feel like the fact that he claimed to have never been married before in the announcement might have been because the current wife didn’t know about the first wife and cheater dick was just hoping that no one from his old life would read this announcement and call him out on that information. But then again, maybe they’re both jerks and are just trying to erase the first wife. Or are attempting to claim he was “technically” never married because he wasn’t married in the eyes of God, in a church service or something. A surprising number of cheaters are also very “religious.”
But *his* friends and family knew he was married! Did he ask them all to LIE?! Woah!
It’s just as likely that she had no idea. I dated a guy who declined to mention that he was married. I only found out because a friend of his slipped up and mentioned his wife. I genuinely had no clue as all appearances indicated he lived alone (more on that later). When I confronted him he claimed they were legally and he had already filed for divorce. A bit more digging revealed that this was also false, he had never filed anything, they were still very much married and living together. A friend was working abroad and providing his own vacant apartment for this àss to “live” in and meet up with me (and God knows how many other women)! Worse yet is that I am far from the only woman I know whom this has happened to.
A friend of mine dated a man for a whole year, vacationed with him all over the country, before she found some paperwork lying around in his apartment that clearly indicated he was married. She was devastated. To this day, I wonder what he told his wife about needing to be gone for many weekends and weeks at a time. “Work trips,” I guess? Some people are truly reprehensible.
I’m really curious as to whether the second wife knew. She is actually very successful professionally and comes from a very well-off, well-connected family. On top of that she has children from her previous marriage. So with all that you would think she or her family would have done their due diligence and checked this guy’s background to make sure he was not shady. It is odd.
It’s also possible that both he and his new wife wanted his past erased, because they wanted their relationship to appear ‘perfect’ to the world.
Ugh, I feel for both of the women too – he is trash.
To add to the trash pile, my ex:
We got together in 2005, living together almost immediately. Monogamy was established. We get engaged in 2007, married in 2008. We also get iPhones in 2008. Life tragedy happens – he nearly dies in 2009, we lose our first child in 2010, etc etc etc he opened the marriage in 2015 and after some awful betrayal, we split in Sept 2018. December 2018 I find and boot up those iPhones to see if there’s something on there that the kids can play with and on his I find the OkCupid app. In short: my entire marriage was based on a lie.
He moved in with his girlfriend, and I wish her all the best. He is trash, she can have him.
~FIN~
Good grief, I hope you’ve been able to process that and get to a good place in your life. How do people do this sort of thing??? Entitlement? It’s awful.
Thanks. I’m doing all of the therapy and processing and my lawyer is about to kick ass and take names so eventually, I’ll be able to fully move on. I am going to have an epic divorce party when this is done (even if it’s distanced and masked and whatever).
This man is psychotic.
That said I know someone who was previously married and has a child from her first marriage who just left it out of her announcement. So I bet this happens more than you know.
Omitting the information is one thing. THIS guy apparently had in the announcement that it was his first marriage. That’s a full-on lie. Didn’t he have to disclose this on any paperwork? Because if he did, then surely the new wife knew beforehand.
I used to be a person who didn’t believe the “once a cheater, always a cheater” thing. I believe in forgiveness. 3 affairs later, my partner of 21 years, father of my children, dumped me by not coming home one night.
So yeah, she can have that piece of trash.
And thank god for my therapists! I not only survived this insanity, I THRIVE.
Cheers to you for thriving! I am sorry you were treated that way though.
This guy is not only a cheater and a coward, but he is also a flake that apparently falls in love immediately upon locking eyes with someone. His new wife better get him some dark shades, especially when he goes to the gym.
Wait so the pics are of the ex and his new wife. When i finished reading I thought they were Nikyata and her new SO because Oya you said you’re happy she has found a new man. That was confusing.
Same.
I help Oya with the pics and I should have labeled these. They’re from his Instagram, which is easily found, but I didn’t want to embed them because I didn’t want people going over there. I’ll put a note above them.
What trash lol. In the long run, he did her a favor, I suppose, since she’s no longer wasting years of her life on him. At least the new wife will at least go into the marriage with eyes open about what she’s really married.
This is where I do my usual shout out for Chump Lady, her book, and her website. Invaluable reading and support for anyone who has been cheated on, found out to their dismay that they were actually the side piece, or grew up with a cheating parent.
Chumplady fan here!!!
Love Chump Lady!
It’s good she got out before starting a family with him, but man that’s awful. She must have felt like she was going crazy since she thought everything was ok until he asked for a divorce. There’s nothing worse than a relationship ending abruptly and not knowing why it ended when you thought everything was going great. I’m happy to learn she’s in a better place, but I hate that she had family from out of town fly over to meet his family and then this. She did nothing wrong, but human nature dictates that you feel humiliated in such a position. Awful man, I hope for the sake of his new wife, he’s grown up and won’t do anything like this again.
Man, gym guys are tricky f*ckboys. My sister’s really good friend is married to a gym owner scumbag who cheated on her with a friend of my best friend. My friend and her friend were both his clients and I found out through my friend. That’s how he got caught. He was cheating on his wife for 9 months. And she was pregnant with #2 for half of it. The friend’s husband found out and made a huge scene and threatened to blow up gym guy’s life. Crazy part is they both stayed with their spouses and now I get to see that rat bastard at my nieces’ birthday parties every year. He is always silent and avoids eye contact with me.
They are! A friend dated a trainer, caught him cheating like a year in (went to delete her profile on dating site they met on, it showed he was still super active). They break up, stay friends, and then are suddenly back on like two years later. They get married, and he shockingly is caught cheating again. Almost like he never stopped. 😐
Your comment reminded me that a few years ago, a friend of mine was married (& business partners with!) a guy who branched out from their business to open a gym. Shortly thereafter, he cheated with one of his clients & destroyed their marriage. What is it with gym guys?!
My personal trainer is lonely and 40–there are some good ones out there amongst the fray.
He looks like a f*ckboi. Good luck to his new wife. She’s gonna need it
My brother called off his engagement two weeks before his wedding and waited for a
whole month before announcing he had…SURPRISE….met the love of his life (who was a co-worker his fiancee had always been suspicious of) His ex-fiancee is my best friend so I know everything that went down and he still tries to lie to all of his friends and family. I’m cordial enough in public and with friends and family but I like to ask them how they met and watch them squirm and mix up their lies. I won’t be attending the wedding. I don’t care if he’s my brother, trash is trash.
My brother also was engaged and a month before the wedding cancelled it as he met the love of his life, who he eloped with. They’ve been married 48 years, and I am not saying that in your brother’s defense. it’s just your story resonated
“I like to ask them how they met and watch them squirm and mix up their lies.”
Good for you. This is amazing.
What a d#ck!
Confronted my untrustworthy ex last year after 5 yrs together because I caught him facebooking a woman he dated while we were on a 2 month break (cheaters love to break and make up so they can go sleep around and come back). I knew what was up so I confronted him and told him I never wanted to see him or talk to him ever again. He never replied, no sorry no nothing and she put naked pictures of her and my ex on facebook within a week of our break up. 5 years wasted with that guy. I need to read chump lady. Its been over a year and While I am so glad I am not flushing another year of my life down the toilet with him-I have not become interested in dating and have still felt like swearing off romantic relationships. My career is on my fire, i got my emotional stability back and I have a great social life with my small and trusted long term friends and family. I have zero interest in romance since the break up. Has anyone else lost interest in romantic relationships in their 30s after a traumatic relationship ?
I had a surprise break up due to infidelity at 32 (we were married for 12 years and has been dating since I was 16). Two toddlers. I was heartbroken and so busy just trying to hold myself together for the kids. I took up line dancing for socializing and because I love to dance and I wouldn’t have minded meeting someone but It never happened that way. Everyone was in some stage of burnt! 😄 It took awhile (years) but I did have two relationships that weren’t ever going to lead to marriage, but the companionship was nice and I was comfortable enough having them around my children. I was 42 when I met the rather unlikely partner I am with 21 years later. I say unlikely, because if I made a list of what I had in mind, very few boxes would have been ticked! But he makes my happiness a priority and always put my children first. His kindness and support when my mother moved in for the last few years of her life were beyond measure. I often reflect back to times that I felt lonely and wish I could send myself the knowledge of how happy I am now.
Thanks for sharing this — I really appreciate reading something lovely today.
This is so lovely to hear! Sometimes i am losing hope
“Has anyone else lost interest in romantic relationships in their 30s after a traumatic relationship ?”
My picker is so bad that I worry the next one will actually be a serial killer. So…. yeah.
Hold on. Your picker isn’t bad, there’s a lot of ‘not so trustworthy’ men out there, but there’s also many good ones. Don’t lose hope!!
Yes, though for me it was early 40s but same diff (sigh) just starting to come back to even thinking about it after some years but my career is also on fire and nothing will get in the way of that or of taking good care of myself. I enjoy being alone. Someone will have to be pretty damn special and awesome and kind to get to spend time with me! lol
Wedding announcements are such fantasy tales. I had a friend his fiancee put in the paper. How he proposed to her under a covered bridge. And how romantic and surprised she was. Meanwhile he was a lump and she set the whole thing up. So she could have the photo and story in the paper. He just did what he was told to do. The new wife probably knows, he/she just wanted the perfect story.
I had something similar happen to me. An ex-boyfriend and I broke up and a few days later he was posting stuff on social media with another woman. They got married last year and their wedding website said they started dating in September a few years back. We broke up in October.
oh what a story! I had 3 big heartbreaks. But two latest was my ex husband. I found out he is cheating on Facebook! I suspected who he cheats with and went onto her page. They were in Paris (in the time when he was suppose to join myself and our child on holidays). Funnily enough he was never in the photos but i recognized his watch on his wrist on one of fancy hotel breakfast photo. Then i found out that he let her into our apartment and she even stole my shoes!!! Discovery of her naked photos in my place is just a tiny bit of an iceberg. What followed after was a horror stories. I came out of it not surviving but thriving.
Last year I was dating someone that i really developed feelings and everything was going great and just like that out of blue everything switched. Like totally cooled down in one day. Broke up over whatsapp and till this day I’ve no idea what is the reason.
Will I meet someone who i can really be in love and happy at this stage I honestly don’t know. Dating after 40 sucks…
This was so crazy. That guy is so brazen and shameless, especially the way he strung the first wife along. I once read about a couple in the Times Vows section who met and fell in love at their kids preschool, while married to other people. Talk about messy. Jessica Seinfeld met Jerry while married to another guy, when she got back from her honeymoon. I don’t think the Times made much comment on this other than correcting that the groom was previously married. If he’d just come clean to first wife and said he’d met someone else, him and his new bride wouldn’t be embarrassed all over the internet right now. I kind of feel that this should have been a private matter because this type of stuff happens all the time.
Ok this is a sad situation but I don’t understand why it’s getting so much media attention? This seems hardly newsworthy. Maybe she has media connections and she’s cashing in some favors for revenge?
I’m guessing that guy is about to get dumped by wife #2. Cuz you know he never told her that wife #1 was pregnant when he left her. Horrible man.
that’s what I would do! I just told my husband this story and said if he had lied to me about being married before I would Lorena Bobbit his ass. His response?
“I’ve been married before… to my job.”
Smart-ass almost got his ear boxed!
This story reminds me of my brother and his wife. There are some shady details about them getting together, which was whitewashed for all the inevitable “how did you meet?” questions from distant relatives.
I have a friend whose husband conveniently goes on work trips on Valentine’s day weekend. I have always wondered what he is up to–not to mention he says he is out with the boys and yet the boys deny it.
I met a guy at work who was charming and lovely. Then it turns out he has a girlfriend (she picked him up from work one day), younger and very sweet looking (more on this later). By then I already had feelings but I turned them into friendship. We went out as friends, at concerts and such, and he would ask me to hang out a bit longer and talk, which I did but always in very public places. I must add that as a feminist I believe in male/female hetero friendship (less and less with time, alas).
Then it turns out that he has been also going out with another colleague, without ever mentioning her to me. It also turns out that he went to visit his fiancee’s parents over Christmas, and tried to lie about it to me. I realise he’s very shady (we’re friends, why not telling me about those things?) so I go no contact, never talk to him again. After a month he openly stops talking to that collegue and tries to get me to talk to him. I ignore him.
Fast forward: the fiancee isn’t the girlfriend who picked him up from work, who is a girl in her 20s. The fiancee is older, early 40s, and very established in our field (which helps his career, because of the nature of our work networking is paramount, and in fact he recently got a great job opportunity thanks to a previous job he did with her, the older fiancee).
Six months after I went no contact, at a job event he’s sitting next to yet another colleague (we’re roughly 100 people), and by chance I’m also close by. and guess what? He is using with her the EXACT same sentences that he used on me to ‘woo’ me. EXACTLY the same words. It creeped me out.
Be careful: there’s a lot of sociopaths out there. Internet helps them. The fact that we don’t work 9-5 Monday to Friday helps them too. The fact that the ‘open relationship’ label is socially accepted (which would be a good thing, if it’s a SINCERE open relationship where all parts, including potential partners, know about it) helps them as well. There’s plenty of excuses they can make to shady behaviour. Be careful, take your time to get to know somebody and TRUST your gut feeling.
@Misa yes all to that bottom lines!
Also I noticed lots of guys went online dating during the lockdown purely because of boredom.
What always amazes me and will never stop to amaze me 🤣 how come myself and others I know who are free and available and it is nearly impossible to get a date, yet there are so many stories of cheating around. Wtf how these people meet and have time for this sh..t?
This reminded me of an amazing email written by novelist Robert Olen Butler when his wife, Elizabeth Dewberry, left him for Ted Turner. It is a passive-aggressive masterpiece. Awful, but really funny.
https://gawker.com/284346/elizabeth-dewberry-left-robert-olen-butler-to-join-ted-turners-collection