Nicole Kidman’s 12-year-old daughter is ‘chomping at the bit’ to get on Instagram

Actress Nicole Kidman wearing an outfit by J Mendel arrives at the 31st Annual Producers Guild Awards held at the Hollywood Palladium on January 18, 2020 in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California, United States.

Whenever I’m writing about Nicole Kidman these days, I do look at her Instagram. She’s pretty good at IG! Her Twitter account basically feels like it’s being managed by her publicist, but she reveals some personal stuff on IG, enough to make me think that she’s running that account on her own, or maybe with her assistant. She often posts personal updates, like when they brought home a new cat, or videos of her fluffy kitties. She’s actually not an “Instagram mom,” and her two younger daughters (Sunday and Faith) rarely, if ever, appear in her posts. Her ‘gram is basically just cats and fun work stuff. Anyway, all of this to say… Nicole doesn’t want her daughters to have Instagram accounts and I can’t say I blame her?

Nicole Kidman is opening up about why her two daughters won’t be joining Instagram anytime in the near future. While appearing virtually for an interview with British talk show Loose Women on Tuesday, the 53-year-old actress revealed that her two young daughters with her husband Keith Urban – Faith Margaret, 9, and Sunday Rose, 12 — are not allowed to create accounts on the popular social media app.

Describing herself as someone who is “not very techy,” Kidman also noted it is “very hard for me to monitor it and stay on it.”

“I won’t let them be on Instagram … I have a 12-year-old right now who is chomping at the bit, wanting to like get into all of that,” the Oscar-winning star said. “And I’m like, ‘No no, no.’ It’s just that constant push, pull and I would say a lot of parents would say the same thing. Am I right?”

Last year, while posing for the May 2019 cover of Vanity Fair, Kidman similarly opened up to the magazine about her parental choices when it comes to social media and cell phones.

“They don’t have a phone and I don’t allow them to have an Instagram,” the Big Little Lies star said.

[From People]

Yeah, I think 12 is pretty young for an Instagram too? But I bet Sunday will end up getting a Finsta or a “private” Insta by the time she’s 14-15. Nicole can’t keep the girls off social media forever, especially not when they get to high school and all of their peers are on social. I think most parents, in this day and age, are having to deal with this issue of when, where and how their kids get on social media. But tweens are definitely too young, right?

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, IG.

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33 Responses to “Nicole Kidman’s 12-year-old daughter is ‘chomping at the bit’ to get on Instagram”

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  1. Seraphina says:

    Mine too wanted Instagram and FB, the struggle is real. Stay strong Nicole. They will try to wear you down. I keep trying to show them how great it is that their every thought hasn’t been documented or is in pics when they are still growing and thinking through life and all its twists and turns. The struggle is so real 🙁

  2. Huit says:

    I am curious what folks think is the right age to get a phone and the right age to join social media. I have an eight year old and it will sneak up on me sooner than I’d like to think. I’d like to form a plan.

    • Seraphina says:

      We typically bought our kids at 13 years old. All passwords were given to us and no phones M-TH once they got home and on weekends, they still have to turn them in at a certain time. We wanted them to be able to call us when at a friend’s house or a sleep over and not have to rely on an adult or friend. Our oldest had an issue at school and his friend texted me about it when it happened. I felt awful my son could not reach me when he needed to and so that also changed my perspective. But social media is a no no in our house. And bottom line is (according to a national cyber kids expert) we parents will never be able to get ahead of technology when compared to our kids, so we have to constantly be on our toes and vigilant. That’s why my husband and I put so many parameters in place for ours to have phones.

    • Noodle says:

      @huit, we got our two girls phones as graduation from elementary school gifts. It was pretty practical for us; we needed to be able to contact them about rides and activities after school, when they were being transported by other people. We set pretty firm rules and hours for use, and for the most part, they’ve followed them. They wanted phones sooner than when we bought them, but I think it was more seeing their peers with them and wanting to keep up. The transition from elementary to middle school (age 11) felt like the right time for us.

    • Huit says:

      Thanks @Seraphina and @Noodle. The transition to middle school makes sense. It is also a safety issue at that point as she will likely start walking to school with friends, rather than taken by me or her dad, around that age.

      • Seraphina says:

        Yes, our son goes to a hub for morning and afternoon pickup and it was given to him earlier for safety reasons.

    • Jules says:

      Have you watched The Social Dilemma? Highly recommend. The engineers who build all these social media platforms admit they are built to know us and get us addicted. They are actually terrified of what they have built, it’s AI. They limit their own kids usage, and say age 16 is a good age- but with limits and restrictions.

    • Lolafalana says:

      We didn’t get our Daughter a phone (and one for me as well – I didn’t have one either) until just after her 15th birthday in April. Let kids be kids as long as you can! I’m still shocked by how cell phones were adopted by EVERYONE and what that has done to public life. I kind of thought they’d be adopted much the way beepers were……….like for business but otherwise why be so constantly accessible? I still don’t really get how people gave being normal humans up for walking around like zombies…………but I digress………. For high school, it’s actually used as a schooling tool. If we hadn’t gotten her one prior – she’d need one for that.

    • Oh-Dear says:

      our daughters got phones at 14. They had to pay for the phone themselves and pay 12 months of phone bills up front. They were not allowed to get data plans. I set up their accounts and have the password, my oldest has her password now but my younger one still doesn’t – she has a harder time with sound decisions so she still needs a lot of guidance. I have screen time limits on there that have been agreed upon between each daughter, my husband and I. The younger one is far more social and her and her friends communicate a ton. We go through her friends and followers every few weeks to make sure she knows the person behind each account, and deletes those she doesn’t.

      The challenge we have encountered with her is around decision-making. She sees things on accounts then does them and thinks stupidity is normal and harmless and has made some choices that have been hard on her.

      I am part of a research initiative on teens and social media so they get to hear me telling them about the pitfalls and issues teens encounter – I get ‘mom, I know you read the research but I have read this research and it says…’, so we have interesting conversations. This research is done between Harvard Medical School, a sleep researcher in San Diego, an identity researcher in Ontario, and Alberta Education (called Growing Up Digital and has been share on 60 Minutes).
      Two key takeaways – sleep is the biggest health issue that is sacrificed and screen time should be limited to an hour a day as much as possible (which feels so impossible) and young people have learned to market themselves to the audience beyond their closest friends. For example, they know on Instagram they need an ‘artsy’ aesthetic and will pick something to connect to even if it isn’t an interest – but they know this is the way to be on Instagram. On Snapchat, they know their platform is about engagement so they send quickpics with filters that show an aesthetic. They are targeting people who don’t know them well so there isn’t a need for authenticity, On Facebook, they message to family so that content is wholesome and celebrates accomplishments.
      I cannot imagine what a generation who has been raised to market split personalities will be like when they move beyond school.

      • Christine says:

        Oh-Dear, How can I get involved in the research for social media? I have 19 & 15 year old boys, and 10 & 7 year old girls. Only the older ones have phones. My 10 year old isn’t allowed to have social media on her iPad, but one of her friends messages her stuff from tiktok and youtube and I don’t know how to stop it, without cutting off the friendship.

      • Oh-Dear says:

        @Christine – I would email researchers/professors in your area (you can look at the areas of research at a local University in either Education (technology), EdPysch, Sociology, or Mental Health) as well as contact the departments of Paediatric Medicine to see if any are conducting research in this area.
        Professors will often send out a call for participants, so if you follow the work of professors who study in this area you come across a call for participation.
        You could also ask the school district if they know of any research done with a local institution (for us our communication is with the Learning Department, but it could be Human Resources, or you may have a research department that handles those approvals and logistics).

        Research with youth is tricky because in North America youth have very few rights are rarely allowed to participate in research without parental consent so you would all have to be on board.

    • liz says:

      It depends on the family and the situation. We live in NYC and our daughter started commuting to & from school by herself (by public bus) in 6th grade – 11 years old. She had to have a phone at that point. We managed to keep her off Instagram & Snapchat until around 9th grade (by which point she was taking the subway to school).

      I have the passcode for her phone and she knows I have the absolute right to pick it up and look at anything I want as long as I am paying the bills for it. I can’t remember the last time I actually did look. We have had conversations about how nothing on the internet is truly private, particularly Insta & Snapchat. If there are things she doesn’t want anyone to see, she has real notebooks and pens to keep journals. I will not look in those.

    • Alarmjaguar says:

      Thanks for asking, my 12 yo has been asking for a phone for Xmas, so these responses are very helpful! Love this community

  3. Anna says:

    She will get (or already has) non-official insta. Nic won’t even notice. This teens are sneaky…

    • Seraphina says:

      This is so true! You never really know no matter how hard you try. Just like pour parents didn’t know what we were always up to. And knowing that makes it sting all the more.

    • Millennial says:

      This is what my college students tell me they did. By 6th grade if their parents wouldn’t let them make accounts they just made accounts on their friends phones.

    • osito says:

      Yeeeep. As a kid-adjacent person in my professional life, I’ve noticed that most kids have social media accounts by the time they get to middle school whether they’re allowed to by parents and site restrictions or not. They also figured out seemingly passé message boards and comments sections of sites that kids probably shouldn’t congregate on but do — like fan fiction sites that host erotica, or all of reddit, or the comments section of YouTube. Further, they have the accounts their parents know about, and secret accounts where they do their “real” posting.

      On some level, developmentally, all of this makes sense. The need to carve out one’s own identity as separate from the family unit starts to reach higher key just before the onset of puberty. I was a middle school kid before the age of social media, but we definitely had chat rooms. I just used my friend’s cell phones when I didn’t have one of my own, and it wasn’t odd for an entire slumber party of preteen girls to collectively answer the constant barrage of a/s/l prompts as a party game. I think that instead of pretending the internet doesn’t exist, parents need to be really clear about what makes the World Wide Web absolute garbage (consumerism; corporate manipulation; subliminal messaging that encourages digital addiction; predation; cyber bullying; etc), and have the same kinds of rules/open communication that they have around the real world. If your child feels that they can’t come to you when they get in too deep, they won’t, so the focus should be ensuring that they understand what “too deep” is and that there’s always a safe way out. But open, positive, safe communication will be key for all of that.

      Also, make sure all adult passwords/financial info is locked all the way down. I’ve known more than a few kids to lose insane amounts of money on gaming and gambling sites, or giving money to their fave influencers, or even among each other for insane reasons. Sometimes the money is recoverable, but sometimes it absolutely is not. Most of my students can log into their parents’ e-mail, no problem, and that should be a *huge* concern.

      • Lwt00 says:

        This this this. We can’t prevent or even keep up with the tech. I had all kinds of online experiences that my parents knew nothing about and honestly, I think in some ways it can actually help keep kids safer. Exploring exotic literature or flirting in chat rooms kept me from doing it in real life.

        The key is to teach your kids safety, consent, how to protect their privacy and their bodies. We can’t keep them from the world and we shouldn’t try. We need to teach them how to navigate all aspects of it safely.

  4. Jennifer says:

    There’s been a spike in suicides among girls that age and while there are probably many factors at play, I can’t imagine Instagram helps their self esteem.

  5. Summergirl says:

    My son just turned 13 (grade 8), and they are all on IG and have been since grade 6 or so. I agree it’s too young. My son isn’t very involved in it, luckily. Those girls, though…the pictures they post, that stomach-baring, model-posing, pouty-lipped horror show. I wonder why their parents don’t put stronger controls on them. In fact, one mom of the set “likes” all the pictures. She’s not a regular mom, she’s a cool mom.

  6. Mac says:

    Horse person here. The correct phrase is champing at the bit.

  7. MaryContrary says:

    I wouldn’t let my 12 year old have IG. Of course, maybe because he’s a boy, he has zero interest. He spends plenty of time playing video games with his friends. I let my older kids get it at 13 which is the “official” age. They’ve never been huge social media fans, thankfully. None of them post very much. It is a tough thing to navigate as a parent-you want them to be able to connect with their friends and do “typical” kid stuff-but there are such ginormous pitfalls to it as well.

  8. Kkat says:

    My sister and my 14 year old niece live with us. She is in all AP classes, an honor student and a cheerleader.
    She has had a phone but my sister has the passwords and my sister has to approve what apps go on it from her phone.

    My advice was no snapchat, ect.
    But to open a IG account that my sister has full access to.
    And my sister gets notifications for.
    That way she sees any private messages. That my niece can’t just erase them.
    Also my niece can post but comments are turned off.
    So she can get likes for her post but no shitty catty comments.
    She can only have friends on it from real life , her account isn’t open to randoms.

    My niece is a good girl, it’s a few of her friends I side eye. I told my sister I guarantee that my niece will have a secret account soon if my sister continues to forbid it.

    So two weeks ago I got a friend request from my niece on IG. Which is good because she will forget I’m there and I can watch her too 🧐👀 lol

  9. Alyse says:

    As a non-parent… I almost think let them get one around 13, so at least you know which account it is (to keep an eye on)
    I was that age in the early 00s internet era, and I was talking to strangers in chat rooms at 13 etc (never anything dodgy though)
    I guess it’s about talking to them about online safety & “insta v reality” from an earlier age, so that by the time they use it (whether with your permission or not), they have more context for what they’re becoming a part of…

    I do think if I ever have kids, the tech expectations and convos will be super hard to figure out, as it changes so rapidly, that it’s hard to compare to your own childhood, and know what is and isn’t normal and safe. Hugs to all you parents!

  10. Lucy2 says:

    I can’t believe her daughter is already 12, I picture them as much younger!
    Hopefully if her daughter does set up social media, it’s kept private, I can’t imagine the things people would say to the child of a celebrity if they found her account.

  11. Elle says:

    White is not Kidman’s color.

  12. GirlMonday says:

    I see champing/chomping has been addressed

  13. Jenn says:

    One of my closest friends’ tweens messaged me from her secret social media account (“please don’t tell my mom!”), and I was *so* upset, because it meant I was gonna have to tell her mom! Ugh. But I also was aware that she’s at that stage where it’s important for kids to start developing a healthy identity distinct from their parents’. I thought about it very carefully, and then I messaged the kiddo back — something to the effect of, you really need to let your mom know, because social media isn’t safe, and I really hope you two can work something out. Then I said I’m going to check in with your mom in three days to see whether you talked about it yet. (I was *trying* to give her time to work up her defense, but Kid told her mom immediately. And everything was fine, of course. I was so stressed out by it all, but we had a good laugh afterward.)

    I am not a parent, but I think tweens simultaneously want their freedom as well as the safety, oversight, and blessing of an adult, and I really feel like we as adults owe that to them.